In Sickness & In Health

Ch. 1
Buffy lay quietly on the tiled floor, letting its coolness seep into her body. What she wouldn’t give to be in bed with Spike, his cool skin sending shivers throughout her body. A nice ice pack on her neck would be nice too. But there was no Spike, no ice, just her nauseous stomach and the toilet bowl.

“Buffy, are you alright?” Dawn’s worried voice penetrated through the closed door. Buffy raised her head cautiously, fearful that any sudden movement might send her running to the toilet again.

“Yeah, Dawn, I’m alright. Just give me a minute, will you?”

Dawn fidgeted nervously, biting her lip. “Do you want me to call Tara?”

“No,” Buffy said as she opened the door.

“Buffy, you don’t look well. Your face’s all sickly and pasty.”

Dawn reached out and offered Buffy her arm for support. Buffy gratefully took it and leaned on her younger sister as they walked slowly back to her room. Dawn pulled the covers back, and Buffy slipped in, pulling Mr. Gordo to her stomach. Dawn sat next to Buffy on the bed, her hand reaching out to touch Buffy’s forehead. “You’ve got a fever, Buffy.” Dawn announced.

“I don’t know what’s wrong, Dawn. My stomach hurts and churns, and the next thing I know I’m in the bathroom hurling.” As if to demonstrate, Buffy stomach cramped, and Buffy moaned into her pillow.

“That’s it, Buffy. I’m calling Tara." She said as she searched for the cordless.

Buffy seemed to be getting better from the poisoning, so everyone went back to their daily lives. Willow left for a chemistry convention and Xander went back to work. But 2 days ago, Buffy had started feeling nauseous. She couldn’t keep anything down. Dawn was worried, but Buffy refused to ask for help. She was still embarrassed and ashamed about what had happened.

“This is ridiculous Buffy. She’s your friend." Dawn quickly dialed Tara’s number. She answered on the 3rd ring.

“Hello.” Tara said cheerfully.

“Tara, it’s Dawn. You have to come quick. Buffy’s sick. I think it’s the antidote. She’s been throwing up and cramping for the last 2 days.” Dawn could feel tears welling up, but she refused to cry. She had to get herself under control, for Buffy’s sake.

“Dawn, calm down, I’m on my way.” Tara mentally made of a list of the supplies she’d need. If they needed anything else, she’d have to send Xander out for it.

“Ah, Tara, could you bring Spike? Xander’s at a construction site outside of town and I’d feel better with Spike around.”

“Sure, Dawnie, I’ll bring him.” She reassured the frightened girl. I know Buffy would feel better with him around, even if she won’t admit it. She added to herself.

Dawn nervously paced in front of the window, watching for Tara’s car. When she saw the compact pull up outside the house, she raced down the stairs, barely getting the door opened before Spike came crashing through. He threw the smoking blanket on the floor , scanning the living for Buffy.

“She’s in her room.” He heard Dawn say as he flew up the stairs.

Tara walked swiftly up the front lawn. Her bag of medicinal herbs slung over her shoulder. Spike peered into the room, taking in Buffy’s still form. He hesitated, remembering the last time he’d been here.

“Buffy” he whispered.

She lifted her head off the pillow, relief evident on her face. She held out her hand, and all the bickering and hurt was forgotten. Buffy was so happy to see him, she wanted to cry. She felt awful, and all she wanted was for someone. No, not someone him to take the pain away. Spike curled up behind her as she pulled his hand around her body.

“Buffy, what is it, luv? Tell me what’s wrong? He could feel her blood pumping furiously through her veins. Her skin was warm, too warm, to the touch. He felt her tugging his hand up under her soaked shirt.

“So cool. You make me feel so good.” She murmured. Dawn snickered behind him. If he hadn’t been so worried about Buffy, he would have ran with that comment. He kissed her shoulder, softly. Tara and Dawn stood rooted to the floor.

Spike looked up at them with worried eyes. “She’s burning up. Do something, don’t just stand there?”

Tara shook herself out of her stupor, and started preparing the herbs for the divining spell. “This shou...should give us an idea of what’s wrong with Buffy, if it’s magical or anything like that.”

“Are you going to be able to help her, Tara?” Dawn asked worriedly. She had moved to the other side of the bed, where she sat stroking Buffy’s hair.

“I don’t know Dawn. How long has she been like this?”

Dawn looked up, squinting, trying to remember the exact date. “Well, she was feeling better right after the antidote. She was a little weak, but she was regaining her strength, then yesterday, she started complaining of cramps and nausea.”

Tara nodded thoughtfully. It could be her period. Menstrual cramps are a bitch. Or it could... Her thoughts were halted when she saw Spike distractedly stroking Buffy’s stomach. Could Buffy be pregnant? That would explain the nausea, she mused.

Spike interrupted her internal musings by asking Dawn to bring him an ice pack. “She likes to put ‘em on her neck.” Dawn hurried to the kitchen to get one.

She could hear them talking, but her fever-addled mind kept her pretty much out of it. Buffy sighed deeply, her eyes heavy from the lack of sleep. She felt safe and loved for the first time in weeks. Sleep was calling her. She gave in with the knowledge that Spike wouldn’t let anything happen to her. Spike smiled softly as Buffy drifted off to sleep, his hand firmly in her grasp.

“Spike, I’m going to need you to lay Buffy flat on her back.” Tara asked as she mixed the herbs in a bowl.

Spike gently pulled his hand out of Buffy’s grasp, and picked his sleeping lover up. Buffy moaned and her face twisted in pain. He leaned down and whispered softly in her ear words of comfort and love. Her face visibly relaxed and his did too, Tara noted. Once Spike had Buffy comfortable again, Tara sprinkled the powder in a circle around her.

“Spike, you’re going to have to let go of her hand, if this spell is to work properly.” She said apologetically.

Spike nodded and reluctantly let her hand go, placing it gently by her side. Dawn stood in the doorway, the ice pack in hand. She grabbed Spike’s arm and laid her head against his shoulder.

“She’s going to be alright, Niblet. I promise you, we’re not going to lose her again.” Dawn squeezed her eyes tightly, and said a slight prayer that everything would be alright.

The crushed powder around Buffy began to solidify into a blue ring that hovered above the bed. They watched in amazement as the light blanketed Buffy. One area, though, changed color to a green. Tara’s mouth gaped open at the display. Her worst or best fears were confirmed. Green meant growth and renewal in the Wiccan faith. The light vanished as quickly as it came and the room was once again bathed in soft sunlight.

“Is that it?” Spike asked gruffly. “Is that all it’s going to do?” He’d expected more flash or something.

Tara laughed softly. Typical response, she thought. Everyone expects magic to be more than it actually was. She sat down next to Buffy, trying not to rouse her.

“I’m pretty sure, I know what’s wrong with Buffy. I just don’t know how the antidote might have affected her...her condition.” Dawn looked at Tara sharply, noticing how she stuttered over the last bit.
“Her condition? What the hell does that mean?” Dawn looked pointedly at Tara, who was definitely avoiding her gaze. Spike was oblivious to them. His only concern for Buffy.

“What condition does Buffy have, Tara?” Tara wouldn’t look at Dawn. She was concentrating rather hard at a spot on the floor.

Spike sat and pulled Buffy gently into his arms. She sighed in her sleep and burrowed deeper into his embrace. If he noticed the tension in the room, he ignored it.

“Dawn, hand me the pack, will you?”

Dawn picked the melting ice pack off the dresser and handed it to him. Tara chanced a glance in Dawn’s direction. Her eyes imploring her to stop asking questions she couldn’t answer. Dawn caught Tara’s pleading look and returned it defiantly. They were going to stop treating her like a child. Tara couldn’t hold Dawn’s angry stare, and quickly lowered her gaze to Spike and Buffy. She couldn’t tell them her suspicions, not without talking to Buffy first.

Spike pulled Buffy’s sweat-dampened hair off her neck, and placed the ice pack there. She hissed from the cold, but did not awaken. Spike rested his chin in her hair, loving the feel of her warm body pressed against his. It had been weeks since they’d broken up, and he’d lain in his crypt each night hoping she’d burst in and tell him she wanted him back. Silly bint hadn’t, of course. He’d almost forgotten how stubborn she could be.

“Tara, what aren’t you telling us? If there’s something you know, then tell us.” Dawn implored, her fear making her a bit irrational. She knew she sounded bitchy, but Buffy was her sister and she loved her.

“Stop it, Bit. Obviously, she’s not going to tell us. As long as Buffy’s not in any danger.., and she isn’t, right?” He looked at Tara, eyebrows lifted.

“No..no, Buffy’s not in any danger. All the vomiting probably got all the toxin out of her system.” Tara smiled slightly, hoping they would believe her. She worried for Buffy’s unborn child, but until they knew for sure, she had to go with the most optimistic outlook.

“Buffy will be fine, Dawnie. I promise you.”

Dawn took all this in, her mind running over and over what she’d been told. Finally, she looked over at Buffy, and nodded. “Ok.”

Buffy moaned and rolled her head back. Her eyes blinked open and she struggled to focus on where she was and what had happened. The last coherent thought she had was of....Spike. She tried to sit up, but found strong arms held her tightly. Her head spun from the sudden movement, and she quickly closed her eyes again. When she opened them, she noticed the leather clad body she was clinging to. Her eyes traveled from his chest upward to that annoyingly sexy mouth to startling blue eyes. Oh, boy, she thought, he’s trying to look into my soul. She licked her dry lips, and forced her body to relax.

“Hey, love, steady on. Do you want to sit up?”

She nodded shyly. Tara and Dawn rushed to fluff her pillows as Spike helped her lean back against them.

“Thanks, guys.” Buffy felt warm and lightheaded and knew it had nothing to do with her present illness. She hadn’t been this close to Spike in weeks and her traitorous body missed his. Stop it, she screamed silently. We are not going back to him. Spike watched bemused. It would do him no good if she saw how her nearness was affecting him. It was all he could do to keep from kissing those full lips.

“Can I get some water?” She asked, finally breaking away from Spike’s mesmerizing gaze. Spike got up, pulling his duster around him to hide his bulging crotch.

“I’ll get it.”

Buffy let out the breath she’d been inadvertently holding. She rested her rested her head, still a little foggy from sleep.

“So, what’s the verdict? Will I live?” Buffy immediately regretted the flippant remark when she heard Dawn gasp. “Sorry, Dawnie, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Dawn grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently. “I know.”

“Buffy, how are you feeling now?” Tara asked, looking at her curiously.

“I’m still queasy.” Buffy said, rubbing her stomach. “But, I’m not hurting, which is of the good.”

“I’m sorry I worried you guys.” Buffy was especially sorry that once again Dawn had been caught in the middle of another Buffy disaster. “I just can’t seem to stop hurting you guys.”

Dawn lifted her chin, looking her directly in the eye. “Hey, you’re always saving us. We’re just returning the favor.” Buffy smiled, though tears still fell down her cheeks.

“When did you become the little adult, huh?” Dawn smiled brightly.

“Well, technically, I’m older than you, even older than Spike.”

Buffy glanced over towards the door and muttered. “I wonder where Spike is with my water. Dawnie, would you go check on him? He’s probably smoking in the kitchen.” Dawn giggled and ran down the stairs, intent on catching the vampire in the act.

“What couldn’t you tell me in front of Spike and Dawn?” Buffy asked, then laughed at the shocked expression on Tara’s face.

Tara screwed her face up, not sure how to tell Buffy what she’d found. Probably best to just say it. “I think you’re pregnant.” There she said it and she was still breathing.

Buffy wasn’t passed out on the floor. In fact, Buffy resembled a fish at the moment. Her mouth was opening and closing, but no words were coming out. The only outward sign that she’d heard Tara was the fact that she was gripping the sheets so tightly they were close to ripping.

“Wh..what did you?” Buffy shook her head, hoping to clear out the cobwebs. She must still be loopy. That was it. She was imagining things. Tara did not just say she was pregnant.

Tara touched Buffy’s hand, startling her and snapping her out of her daze.

“Buffy,” she began, “the divining spell glowed green.” At Buffy’s blank look, she explained. “Green signifies growth, birth, renewal. Buffy? Buffy?” Tara was getting worried. Buffy wasn’t saying anything. She seemed to be in shock.

“I can’t be...” Buffy was having a hard time even saying the “P” word. “The only person I’ve been with is Spike, and last time I checked, he was dead. Ergo, his boys aren’t active.”

The statement would have been funny if the situation wasn’t happening to her good friend. Tara bemoaned. The possibility of Spike being able to impregnate Buffy was zero. So what had happened?

Buffy started laughing. A high-pitched, crackling laugh which was heard throughout the house, even in the kitchen.

Dawn had raced to kitchen eager to catch Spike doing something that would distract her from Buffy’s illness. The sight of Spike leaning heavily against the counter, though, brought her up short. He was staring unseeing out the window.

“When Tara came to the crypt to tell me Buffy was sick again, I almost didn’t come. Your sis has made it perfectly clear that she doesn’t need nor want me in her life.”

Dawn hugged herself, sad for Spike, and for Buffy. If she only knew what he’d gone through over the summer, she wouldn’t hesitate to love him. Spike continued, uncaring if their secret came out or not.

“I wanted to be strong, to shut her out of my life and heart, the same way she’d done me, but I couldn’t do it.” His head dropped to his chest and she could tell he was trying to compose himself.

“I live in fear, Dawn. Everyday, I live in fear, that she’ll be killed, and there will be no tomorrow for us. No hope that she’ll someday realize she needs me as much as I need her.”

Dawn had run to him and flung her arms around his waist. “We do you need you, Spike. She’ll come around. Just don’t leave us, okay?”

They stood, holding each other, just enjoying having the other’s company. Their closeness over the summer returned as they both thought of the woman upstairs who held their hearts in her hand.

Dawn’s head shot up at hearing Buffy’s strange laughter. “At least, she’s not screaming.” She said sarcastically.

“Buffy, stop it.” Tara begged. “You’re going to make yourself sick again.”

Buffy lifted her tear-stained face to Tara’s, her hazel eyes searching for ambiguity, mirth, lies, something other than the honesty reflecting back at her.

“This can’t be happening. No, you have to be wrong, Tara!” Tara shook her head sadly. Buffy couldn’t hold back the tears and cried softly into Mr. Gordo.

Confrontations

Ch. 2
Tara patted Buffy comfortingly on the back. Her muffled sobs were heart-wrenching. She wanted to help her, but knew there was nothing she could do to remedy this situation. Buffy sniffed and wiped at the tears.

“Somebody up there must truly hate me. A baby? Hell, I can’t even take care of a 15 year old. How in the hell am I supposed to take care of a baby?” Buffy thought miserably. A baby. My baby. My baby with Spike. That thought brought on a fresh onslaught of tears as the ramifications and all around strangeness of Spike being a daddy popped in her head. Spike and I are having a baby. Buffy hopped off the bed and ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet. Are you trying to tell me something, little one? She whispered to her stomach.

Spike was coming up the stairs when he saw Buffy sprint into the bathroom. He stood in the doorway desperately wanting to hold her.

Buffy sensed him behind her, but didn’t turn around. She’d have to tell him Tara’s suspicions sooner or later, but she wanted to deny them just a little bit longer. Because saying it out loud, especially to Spike, would make this whole nightmare real.

Spike closed his eyes and listened carefully to Buffy’s body. Her breathing was slowing, as was her heart rate. She wasn’t moving, but he knew she was just being careful. Thump! Thump! When she’d first come back, he used to sit outside her window while she slept, just listening to the sound of her heart beating. It had been such a sweet melody to him, he memorized it. Now, he could hear that sweet song again in his mind. His eyes opened suddenly.

Nah, he didn’t just hear what he thought he heard. He took an unnecessary breath and concentrated. There it was again. A faint little beat. Very fast, but steady. A slight smile crept up over his face. Buffy was pregnant. He wondered if she even knew. Probably not. She would have disinvited him before now if she thought he would find out the truth. They were having a baby. Strange, how he didn’t even doubt that the kid was his. He knew Buffy in her own mixed up way loved him. She wouldn’t cheat on him with some other bloke. No, that he was sure about. Wow, a baby. He was going to be a father.

Looking at her with reverence, he realized she was sitting on the cold tiled floor. She shouldn’t be down there. It was cold. A wave of protectiveness and possessiveness rushed over him, which explained why he rushed over and scooped her up off the floor.

“Spike, put me down! I can walk.” Buffy shouted.

Tara rushed to the door and saw Buffy halfheartedly struggling in Spike‘s arms.

“Shut your trap, Slayer, and deal. You’re sick. I’m taking care of you and that’s final.”

He arched his eyebrows, and dared her to fight him on this. Buffy glared right back at him, her green eyes sparkling with flecks of gold. Buffy wanted so badly to say something snarky and insulting, but.. and he’d have to torture her before she admitted it, she kinda liked having him take care of her. Finally, giving up, realizing she wasn’t going to win this battle with Spike, Buffy curtly nodded her head and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Just to make sure you don‘t drop me.” She whispered softly. Spike suppressed a smile. Damn girl was stubborn.

Tara shook her head in amusement. They never stopped fighting. She wondered when they actually had time to conceive a child. Eww! Bad thought, Tara. Spike laid Buffy gently down on the bed, and tucked her in.

“So, do you want anything to eat? We can make soup. Soup’s good, right?” He asked shyly to Buffy, who was watching him closely.

“Yeah, soup’s good. Crackers, too.” Buffy stared steadily at him, making him uncomfortable. “Are you alright, Spike?” Spike nodded, but avoided her penetrating gaze. Damn woman can’t even accept a little bit of kindness from me.

“I’m going to the store to pick up some food. You blokes don’t keep enough food here to feed a small dog.“

Bufffy winced. Money was tight, so she hadn’t been to the store lately. Spike noticed the pained look on her face, and cursed his insensitivity.

“So, is there anything special you might like?” Buffy grinned and he was lost. “Chocolate chip cookie dough.”

“Ice cream or that cookie thing?” He asked.

Watching them, Tara felt like a voyeur, intruding on this affectionate, playful moment between the two. Most of the time, they were snapping at each other, but then again, they usually had an audience too.

“Ice cream.” Buffy couldn’t stop smiling at him.

“I think I can manage that, Pet.”

Spike turned to leave, but turned and kissed her softly, his hand caressing her cheek. Buffy placed her hand over his and sighed contently. They seemed oblivious to Tara’s presence. Buffy was staring with her lips parted slightly, and Spike was leaning in for a kiss. Tara coughed delicately, which had the effect of a cold shower on both of them.

“Right, the grocery store. I’ll be back soon.” With that, Spike sauntered out the door, down the stairs and out the front door.

Buffy was stunned. Not only had she allowed Spike to touch her again, and enjoyed it, her mind reminded her, but she’d let him do it in front of Tara. She should have knocked him into the next room. Why? He loves you. He only wants to help. Buffy shook her head. No, he wants more than I can give him. He’s a monster. And you’re carrying his child. Oh, shut up.

Tara covered her mouth, stifling a giggle. If Buffy could only see how she looked. Her head was bobbing from side to side, her hands were waving in the arms. She was definitely having an argument with herself. Hmm.

“Buffy,” Tara interrupted, “while Spike’s gone, I’m going to run to the drugstore and pick up... Dawnie?”

Buffy looked at her strangely. “Huh, you’re going to pick up, Dawn. When did she go to the store?” Buffy followed Tara’s gaze to the aforementioned teenager standing at the foot of the bed.

Dawn’s blue eyes twinkled with mischief. Oh, great, it‘s mini-Spike.

“So,” she drawled slowly, as only teenagers can, “what are you going to pick up at the drugstore, Tara?” She stomped her foot repeatedly. “Gosh, I’m not a child. I’m 15, not 5. I know what’s wrong with you Buffy.”

Buffy, who was the Queen of Denial, and could do it with the best of them, just looked at her wide-eyed and innocent.

“I didn’t say anything in front of Spike, but I know.” Buffy squirmed under her unflinching gaze. “You’re pregnant with Spike’s baby, aren’t you?”

Dawn looked down at Buffy’s hands, and gulped. Thank goodness, she’s too sick to strangle me. Poor sheets. Well, she’d gone this far. According to Anya and Spike, the direct approach was the best.

“Buffy, answer me. I’m right, aren’t I?” Tara came to Buffy’s rescue, and Dawn’s, though she didn’t recognize danger when she was facing it.

“We don’t know for sure, but yes, we think Buffy’s pregnant.”

Dawn stopped pacing and took a good, long look at her sister. Buffy, her larger-than-life sister, seemed so much smaller and younger at this moment. Dawn recognize this for what it was. Buffy was scared. She suddenly felt like the adult in the situation.

Dawn hugged Buffy tightly, her excitement nearly infectious. Nearly. "Buffy, it’s going to be alright. You’ll see. This is great news. You’re having a baby. We can be a family. You, me, the baby, and....Spike."

What? Spike. But...but. Buffy’s eyes flew open and she pleaded silently with Tara for some help. Tara shrugged, and mouthed, she loves him. Yeah, Dawn loves Spike, but what about Xander and Willow? She felt a tiny twinge of happiness thinking about a baby, but that little voice of doubt kept calling to her. Buffy leaned back and looked at Dawn. She could barely contain her joy. Buffy hadn’t seen her this happy in ... in forever. Buffy ran her hand lovingly down Dawn’s cheek. She’d missed seeing Dawn’s smile.

"Dawn, this baby makes things worse. Social services is already breathing down our necks now. They’ll probably take you away once they learn about this pregnancy. Hell, they may even take this baby away."

Buffy’s brow furrowed and her hands protectively shielded her stomach. Tara noticed the telltale sign, and heaved a sigh. She’s already protecting it. Buffy hated playing devil’s advocate with Dawn, but someone had to.

"We don’t even know for certain that I’m pregnant." Dawn regarded her with a look so reminiscent of Spike’s that Buffy swore she was mini-Spike for a moment.

"Well, we don’t." Buffy remarked petulantly. Dawn shook her head, and wondered who exactly was the adult here?

"Well, let’s find out. Tara, go to the drugstore, get a home test." Dawn ordered. Tara saluted the little general, and hurried to do her bidding.

"On second thought, get a couple since we’re dealing with little Miss Denial, here." Dawn winked conspiratorially at Tara, who laughed. She’d been thinking the exact same thing.

"Hey, I’m still here. Thank you." Buffy huffed. "Tara, do you mind?" Tara shook her head, and patted Buffy on the arm.

"I’ll be right back."

Dawn walked Tara to the door, giving Buffy a much needed break. She caressed her belly with wonder. I’m pregnant. There’s a tiny life growing inside of me. Dawn stood silently in the doorway watching Buffy. Her eyes tearing up at the sight. Buffy looked up, and blushed.

"Sorry to interrupt, Mommy, but it’s time for you and me to talk. Sister to sister. No more secrets, Buffy." Buffy nodded. Yes, it was time she told Dawn about Spike. Buffy lifted the sheet and scooted over so Dawn could climb into bed with her.

"I don’t know what to say Dawn. I messed up. I messed up badly."

Dawn said nothing, knowing this was Buffy’s story to tell. She slipped her hand around Buffy’s and squeezed.

"I haven’t been happy since I got back. It was so hard coming back here after being there, in heaven. I was finally at peace with myself. I knew you were alive. I knew you’d be loved and taken cared of. Then, I came back and everything was so hard, and I shut down. Everybody wanted or needed something from me, except Spike. He didn’t expect anything of me. He didn’t need me for anything. He was just happy that I was alive, and he let me be whatever I needed to be. Angry, sad, whatever. He never pushed me to get back to normal."

Dawn wiped at her eyes. She never thought about how Buffy must have felt in coming back here. She just wanted her, needed her to be her sister again.

"I’m not blaming you, Dawnie, so please don’t think I am. I just couldn’t be around any of you. I didn’t have to pretend with Spike. He just let me be.” Buffy looked down at her hands, heartbroken to be admitting this to Dawn. Dawn lifted Buffy’s chin till she was looking directly at her.

“He’s always been there for us. It’s cool. I understand. There were times when you were gone when he was the only person I wanted to be around too. I didn’t have to put up a brave front. I could be sad and hurt that you were gone. He got it because that’s how he was feeling too.” Buffy could see that she did understand.

“ I feel safe when I’m with Spike. But, I’ve treated him horribly. I’ve been so terrible to him.” She quietly stated, feeling the tears as they dropped on her hand.

“All he’s done is save me from myself. Countless times. Too many times."

“Do you love him?” Dawn didn’t think Buffy was going to answer her. She was staring a hole into Mr. Gordo’s head.

Buffy sighed heavily. “I can’t love him. It’s Spike. He’s a vampire.” Dawn noticed the lack of vehemence in the statement and pounced.

“You said can’t, not don’t, Buffy” Buffy blushed furiously.

“I can’t love him, Dawn. You know that.” Dawn eyed her skeptically, but didn’t push her any further. There’d be time for that later. There were more pressing issues to deal with.

"Do you not want a baby or Spike’s baby?" Dawn waited with bated breath for Buffy to answer her.

"It would be so easy to get rid of it, Dawn. It’s a demon’s spawn. Who knows what we’ve created?" Dawn felt her stomach lurch at the coldness in Buffy’s voice. How could she even consider aborting it?

"If I think like that, then no, I don’t want this child." A small sob slipped from Dawn’s compressed lips, but Buffy didn’t hear it.

"But I can’t think of this baby like that. All I can think is what color will her eyes be? Will he have my nose or Spike’s cheeks? You see, Dawn, it’s a part of me, just like you."

"Oh, Buffy!" Dawn cried. "I was so worried. You’ll see." She said and leaned back. "You and Spike are going to be great parents." Buffy rolled her eyes at that assessment.

"Dawn, you have to promise me. If the test is positive, you can’t tell Spike. Not yet, anyway." At Dawn’s mutinous look, Buffy put her resolve face on. "I mean it, Dawn. I’m having a hard enough time dealing with the possibility of being pregnant. I can’t handle Spike right now, too." Dawn reluctantly agreed, but not before extracting a promise of her own from Buffy.

"You’ve got to start treating him better. Whether you like it or not, whether you love him or not, he’s a part of this family now. No more excluding him from the Scoobies or our lives. Okay?"

Buffy shook her hand, and smirked at the glowing girl. She grudgingly admitted to herself that she had missed Spike, and each day had been harder than the next knowing she wasn’t going to see him, touch him. She must be crazy. She would do better by him for the sake of their child. They may never get back together. There was just too much hurt and anger between them , mostly by me. She knew from experience that a child or children couldn’t make a relationship work. Just look at her parents.

"You know, I never got that water. Do you mind, Dawnie?" Dawn knew Buffy needed to regroup. Buffy wasn’t one to open up and she had just released the Hoover Dam of emotions. She’d give her time to settle herself.

"Sure." Dawn skipped happily out of the room.

Spike hated the grocery store. People looked at him as if he was going to walk out with a pork loin under his duster, but for Buffy and Dawn he’d do anything. He smiled when he thought about baby Bit growing inside Buffy’s tummy. His kid. Well, now, I’ve got you to take care of too. Spike pushed the cart through the produce section, trying to remember what exactly pregnant women ate. It wasn’t like he’d had a lot of practice with this stuff. A baby. He still couldn’t wrap his brain around the fact he and Buffy were going to have a child. The Scourge of England, William the Bloody was going to be some kid’s Dad. The Powers that Be sure knew a great punch line when they heard it. A vampire and a Slayer having a kid. Never in all his 100+ years had he thought about having a child. He’d never wanted one, not even when he was alive. All he’d been concerned about was that stupid bitch, Cecily, and his awful poetry. Now, the impossible had happened and with the Slayer, no less.

Why hadn’t he noticed the heartbeat before now? Buffy. She overwhelmed his senses when they were together. He wouldn’t have noticed the Watcher standing in the room with a tutu on. Did she even know she was pregnant? He was sure the Good Witch would probably tell her soon enough. So, where did that leave them? They weren’t together, and he was pretty sure they wouldn’t be getting back together anytime soon. Especially, not now, that there was a baby involved, but he wouldn’t let Buffy push him away. That was his kid. He slumped over the rails of the cart and proceeded to throw any green vegetable he could find in there. Green vegetables were good for you. At least, that’s the gibberish, his mother always said. His mum. He hadn’t thought about her in 50-60 years. After all this time, she was finally going to be a grandmother. He swiped at a stray tear and pushed on. What else had Dawn wanted? He pulled the crumbled list out of his pocket. Peanut butter, jam, chips, frozen pizzas, pasta. Did they eat anything in that house that couldn’t be nuked in a microwave? Did they even know how to cook?

He mistakenly turned down the aisle for baby goods. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from all the products lining the shelf. There were hundreds of bottles of baby food, pacifers, milk, diapers. He was stunned. A child needed all these things to survive. He and Buffy were going to have to talk and soon. Their child was going to need all this stuff, and there was no way Doublemeat Palace was paying for all of this. Oh, yeah, they were going to talk because there was no way in hell she was going to continue working in that hellhole. She’d have to accept his help, whether she wanted it or not. He stopped his mental tirade long enough to finger a tiny baby spoon. He could see his child so clearly he felt his long-dead heart tightened with joy. He had to get out of here and back to Buffy. He finished getting everything on the list and added a couple of things he knew Buffy wanted. He passed by the pharmacy and stopped. Pregnancy tests, of every kind and make, lined the shelves. He reached out to pick one up and quickly pulled his hand back, as if it were soaked in holy water. The pharmacist watched the nervous blond studying the different tests, and decided to take pity on him.

"Do you need some help, young man?" Spike turned guiltily towards the elderly man, and shook his head.

"No." He said gruffly, too gruffly. "Sorry, it’s just…. my girlfriend may be pregnant."

He ran his hand through his bleached hair, and cursed the Powers again for reducing him to this.

"Which one would be the best?"

The pharmacist picked out a couple of tests, and handed them to Spike. What the hell am I supposed to do now? He wondered. They all looked pretty simple. In less than 20 minutes, they could find out if Buffy was really pregnant, though there wasn’t a doubt in his mind. Spike stared unseeing at the boxes. This was real. He and Buffy were going to be parents, and he didn’t really know how he should act. Or really what role she’d let him have in their child’s life.

"Is that all you needed, son?"

"Yeah, thanks." Spike said distractedly.

The pharmacist patted him lightly on the back, and left Spike to his thoughts. This is crazy. Absolutely crazy. He thought as he pushed the cart to the checkout counter. If Buffy couldn’t handle her feelings for him, how was she going to react to a baby? He didn’t realize he still held the pregnancy tests in his hands, when he heard a familiar, yet annoying voice behind him.

"Evil dead, whatcha doing so close to Buffy’s neighborhood?"

Spike rolled his eyes in annoyance, and took a deep breath to calm himself. He wouldn’t let the whelp pull him into an argument. He had some place to be. Spike looked down at his hands, and saw the tests. He quickly threw them into the cart before turning back to Xander.

"Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m doing a little grocery shopping for Dawn and Buffy."

Xander scoffed at the rather unbelievable excuse. "When are you going to get it, nothing you do will ever make Buffy want you? So why don’t you give it up?"

Xander clenched his fists together. Something about the way Spike was regarding him with that smug look, made Xander want to shove his fist down his throat.

Spike looked Xander up and down, and wondered again what made Anya fall for him in the first place. Well, there was no accounting for bad taste.

"I know you’re clinging to the few females that can stand to be around you at the moment, but Buffy and Dawn want me around, so basically go to hell." Spike sneered, then laughed at the shocked look on Xander’s face. He stepped up to the counter and began to unload his cart.

Xander grabbed Spike’s arm and spun him around. His face was all red and splotchy with the effort to keep from exploding in rage. Spike, too, had to fight to control the demon within him.

"Stay away from Buffy and Dawn! They don’t need you bothering them."

Spike had had enough of Xander. "You know,” he drawled, “I think they like having someone around who’s not going to leave them when the going gets tough. Maybe, you should take some lessons from me in not running away."

The clerk looked warily at both men glaring at each other, and wondered if she was going to have to call for security.

"Oh, look at the whelp, he’s angry. I guess I should run and hide. You want a piece of me, Xander, come on, but I’m going to be with Dawn and Buffy, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it."

"Uh, that’ll be $55.61" The clerk said, interrupting the impending brawl.

Spike handed her the money, took his change, and left.

Xander was rooted to the floor. He wouldn’t let Spike worm his way back into Buffy’s life. He knew she had a soft spot for the vamp, even if she wouldn’t admit it to him. Fighting Spike wasn’t the way, he knew that, but he was determined to keep her from repeating her mistakes.

A Little Knowledge is Deadly

Ch. 3
Buffy waited till she no longer heard Dawn’s footsteps on the stairs before carefully getting out of bed. She couldn’t take being cooped up one minute longer. She needed fresh air, and soon. Pushing the window up, she sat gingerly down on the sill. The sun’s rays were starting to diminish. The longest day of her life finally winding down. Who would have thought a few days ago, the only thing she was worried about was Willow and Xander finding out about Spike? Hah! That was the least of her problems now. Not only were they going to find out about her sleeping with Spike, but there was irrefutable proof of her stupidity. She cramped suddenly and painfully. Grimacing, she looked down at her stomach.

"Okay, I get your point. I didn't mean it."

Resting her head against the window, Buffy thought back over the last few months. When could she have become pregnant? It wasn’t as if they were using protection. Who knew Spike’s boys were alive and well? Hell, they rarely made it to the bed, making the idea of condoms somewhat moot. A flood of memories of hours spent with Spike, gasping, touching, laughing, moaning had Buffy’s face hot with want. If she were honest with herself, and she never was, she wanted him still, always. When he walked into her room earlier, she thought, at first, that she was still hallucinating. The last time she’d seen him, he’d been so angry and hurt, that she thought she’d finally done it: She’d run him off for good. Oww! "Geez kid, already dishing out the pain. I guess there‘s no denying who‘s kid you are." Buffy had to snicker at that. She was going to be a mom. Mom. Tears welled up in her eyes as she thought of her mom, who would never know her grandchild.

Tara unlocked the front door. She had seen Buffy sitting in the window, and from the looks of it, she was crying. She wouldn‘t bother her right now. It really didn’t matter if they did the tests now or later, the results would be the same. The most pertinent question was how had this happened. Of course, they did live on the Hellmouth. Buffy had been resurrected. Spike was a vampire. Where to start? She wondered. Right now, Buffy’s mental state was very fragile. Tara didn’t want to push her. When Buffy was ready to discover why this happened, she’d tell her.

Tara put her bags down in the dining room, and went to join Dawn on the sofa.

"Hey, I didn’t hear you come in." Dawn said sleepily. "I just closed my eyes for a second and dozed off." Tara pushed a lock of hair out of Dawn’s eyes, and smiled.

"Well, it’s been a rough week for you. I’m real proud of you, Dawn. You took great care of Buffy." Dawn smiled broadly.

"Thanks, Tara. I was just so scared. All I could think about was losing her again.” She glanced nervously towards the stairs. “I don’t understand why all of this is happening to her. Hasn’t she been through enough?”

Tara shrugged. “I don’t know, Dawnie. But hey, Buffy’s going to be fine.”

“What about the baby? Do you think the antidote hurt it?” Dawn folded her legs under her and leaned back.

“I mean, we don’t really know what it did to the kid.” She said, already worrying about her unborn niece or nephew.

“Well, the divining spell didn’t indicate anything other than the baby, so I’m hopeful, that the morning sickness took care of any lingering toxin.” Dawn sighed heavily. She hoped everything was alright with the baby. She didn’t think Buffy could handle a miscarriage right now.

“Yeah, I know I’m just worried.” She broke off abruptly as Spike entered the house. His arms laden with several plastic bags.

“I could use a little help here, Nibblet.” He growled.

Dawn and Tara shared a look of terror as they both realized the pregnancy tests were lying on the dining room table in full view. They sprang into action. Dawn grabbed a couple of bags from Spike, making sure to drop a few items on the floor, while Tara scooped up the bag, and headed for the stairs.

“I’ll let you two get Buffy’s dinner started, and I’ll go check on the patient.”

Buffy splashed cold water on her flushed face, and sat on the toilet trying to steady her stomach and head. She was dizzy, but she couldn’t face getting back into bed just yet. She wanted a shower, but that would take strength she didn’t have at the moment. She looked up as Tara opened the door slightly and slipped inside.

“I guess it’s D-day, huh? Time to confirm the unexplainable.” Buffy said through clenched teeth as another cramp shot through her stomach. She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly.

“Buffy, are you ok?” Tara’s voice jarred Buffy. “No, I started cramping again. The nausea is better. Ok, a little better, not great, as in no nausea, but not constant like before.” Tara smiled at Buffy’s attempted humor.

“I’m glad you still have a sense of humor about this.”

Buffy patted herself on the back. “It’s the only way I can stay sane.”

“I guess it’s now or never.” Tara opened the boxes and handed the tests to Buffy.

Twenty minutes later, Buffy and Tara were staring at various pregnancy strips. They were all positive. Well, Buffy thought, I guess it doesn’t get much clearer than that.

Spike stood at the foot of the stairs, debating whether or not to go check on Buffy. Tara had been in the bathroom with her for nearly 30 minutes. He had left Dawn in the kitchen unpacking the groceries. He had totally forgotten about the pregnancy tests he'd inadvertently bought, until he heard Dawn shriek. He ran into the kitchen and skidded to a halt, when he saw the younger Summers girl holding the boxes in her hand.

“What the hell? How did you find out? Oh, shit, Buffy’s going to kill me.” Dawn was pacing back and forth, mumbling incoherently. Spike had to grab her to hold her still.

“You know.” They both said at the same time, and then laughed at their similar shocked expressions.


Blue eyes sized each other up. “So, Spike, was there something you and Buffy forgot to tell me?” Dawn asked sarcastically as she marched in front of a contrite Spike. They had stepped outside to the porch. The pregnancy tests were stuffed in the trash. Dawn couldn’t believe Spike knew, and Spike was just as flabbergasted to realize Dawn knew about him and Buffy.

Spike wasn’t the nervous type, but he didn’t want Buffy to stake him before he got to see his kid. “Well, Bit, here’s the deal. Your sis, the Slayer, and me, well, we were seeing each other, but she broke it off.”

“I know. She told me things weren’t good between you two. They had to be good enough, though, since you are having a child together.” Spike smirked, but said nothing.

The sex had been great. That didn’t make their affair any easier for either one of them. He wanted her, all of her, but he settled for what little crumbs she gave him. No matter how much it hurt him. He would have kept things the way they were, but it was killing her. He knew that now.

“What can I say, Dawn? Sometimes things aren’t always what they seem.”

Dawn knew he wasn’t telling all, but they had bigger problems. Buffy would never admit her feelings for Spike if she was on the defensive. And she would definitely be on the defensive if she knew he knew about the pregnancy.

“Ok, I won’t ask for details.” She arched her eyebrow, but kept on walking, “but you should know, she doesn’t want you to know yet.” Spike kept his face neutral, but Dawn saw a flash of hurt and pain in his deep blue eyes.

“She can’t deal with you right now, Spike, so don’t take it the wrong way. She needs time to come to terms with her feelings about the baby, and ....and for you.”

She grinned at the look of hope that passed quickly over Spike’s face.

“So, here’s what you are going to do.” She stopped in front of him and pulled his hands into hers.

“You are going to have to be patient. She loves you. I know she does. You do, too, don’t you?” At his nod, she continued. “Well, now, she has to convince herself it’s alright to love you. The baby will help, somewhat, but she needs to get to know you. You both need to be in an open relationship. One where there aren‘t any secrets, no lies, no sneaking around.” She emphasized the last part, and Spike would have blushed if he could.

Spike watched Dawn with awe. She was so grown-up. There were times when he could see the wisdom of her age. She could be so insightful, and then turn around and be the brat she was.

“So what do you propose, Miss Summers?”

“I got Buffy to promise to include you more in our lives, and the Scoobies. You just have to be on your best behavior, especially around Xander. I’m thinking, romance her a bit.” Her blue eyes fairly twinkled with mischief.

Lord, would he ever be able to resist these Summers women, would any man?

“Use the time you have until the baby’s born to win her over.”

Dawn’s eyes widen when she saw Buffy and Tara enter the kitchen. Her sister leaning heavily on Tara.

“Spike, Buffy...” Spike turned and with vampiric speed was at Buffy’s side before Dawn could finish her sentence.

“Buffy, what the hell are you doing out of bed?” Spike yelled.

“I was sick of being in that room, is that okay with you, Nurse Nightingale?” Spike ground his teeth together and asked the Powers for patience.

“I'm just concerned Buffy, that’s all. Why don’t you give me a break?” Buffy glared at him. She was tired, hungry, and so not in the mood for Spike’s brand of nursing aid.

“I didn’t realize it took 2 hours to grocery shop.” She said surly.

“Well, if you do it correctly, it can take more than a couple of hours.” Spike smirked and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at her.

Buffy gasped and blushed at the obvious double entendre. She looked around frantically to see if Dawn or Tara heard him, but they were blatantly ignoring them. That‘s just great, she thought.

“Ow!” She reached out and clutched Spike’s arm tightly. Tara and Dawn rushed to her side, but she waved them off. Spike looked physically sick. If Buffy had been looking, she would have seen fear in his eyes, but she wasn‘t.

“Shit, Buffy, I’m sorry.” She shook her head.

“I’m fine. My stomach just likes to act up every now and then.” Buffy looked up into Spike’s concerned eyes, and smile.

“I’ll be alright. Can we call a truce for now? Buffy’s not up for sparring with Spike today.”

She stuck her hand out and Spike took it and kissed each knuckle softly. Her body jolted at the feel of his cool lips against her skin. Desire, hot and rampant, rushed from her stomach to her head, causing her to sway slightly.

“Come on, Slayer, you can rest in the den before you eat.” He picked her up and carried her out of the kitchen. When she went to open her mouth to protest, he leaned in and kissed her, effectively silencing any protest she might have. She should have been mad. She wasn't. She was hungry for his touch, but this kiss was different from the hundreds they’d shared. It was almost as if this was their first kiss. His lips were soft and undemanding, just lightly touching hers. Buffy wound her arms around his neck, and pulled him closer. She had missed him. He had missed her. This was the start of the rest of their lives, he thought. I could kiss him forever, she thought. He laid her gently down on the sofa, but she didn’t let go. Instead, she rested her head against his. Her warmth charging his dead heart. She wanted to tell him so badly about the baby. She wanted him to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay. He looked deeply into her hazel eyes, hoping she could feel his love, his strength, his commitment. He would never leave her or the baby.

Xander knocked on the front door. As usual, it wasn’t locked, so he let himself in. His eyes immediately took in Spike leaning over Buffy.

"What’s the hell is going on here?"

Spike and Buffy jumped, startled out of their little world. Xander shook his head in disgust. Buffy looked flush, and Spike looked annoyed. Two strides took him over to the sofa, where he pushed Spike away from Buffy.

"Get your undead hands off her!" Xander shouted, placing himself between Spike and Buffy. Spike clenched his fists together, wanting desperately to pound his fist into Xander’s face.

"You little twit, what the hell do you think you’re doing?" Spike shouted.

"Obviously, saving Buffy from a pawing."

"What?" Spike growled. Spike stepped closer to Xander, fully intent on dishing out the pain. Only the sound of Buffy’s voice stopped him.

"Please, stop it." Spike could tell she was in pain, and his anger at the whelp quickly evaporated. He knelt at her side, his hand caressing her face.

"Are you cramping again?" She nodded woodenly, and clutched his hand tightly.

Xander stood by, dumbfounded by the display. "Buffy, what’s wrong with you?" Xander asked completely clueless. Obviously, something had happened in the last few days, something he wasn’t aware of.

"She’s been sick. If you’d come by to check on her, instead of abandoning her, you’d know."

Spike was sick and tired of the Scoobies. Buffy wasn’t invincible. Buffy squeezed his hand. He looked at her and a unspoken request was granted. He’d leave Xander alone for now.

"I’m going to get Tara, okay." He said gently. Buffy nodded, and reluctantly released his hand. Spike bumped Xander on his way to the kitchen. Xander sneered, but said nothing further.

He sat down on the couch, grasping Buffy’s hand. "So, you’re obviously not feeling any better. Why didn’t you tell us? Willow and I would have stayed here with you. You know that." His tone was concerned, but also reproachful.

"When will you learn, Buffy, we’re in this together." Buffy smiled slightly. She looked up, guiltily.

"I know. I just didn’t want to bother you any further. I thought I could handle things."

Tara came back into the living room with some herbal tea.

"This should help to soothe your stomach Buffy. It doesn’t have any caffeine or anything else like that." She said pointedly.

"Thanks. Uh, where’s Dawn, did she get dinner?"

Tara nodded yes. "She’s cooking a pizza."

“You left her alone with a working stove. You like to live dangerously, don’t you?” Buffy jokingly remarked.

“Well, lucky for us, Spike’s watching out for her.” Tara pointed out, remembering the last time Dawn was left to cook. They almost had to call the fire department.

“Oh, great. Two juvenile delinquents. That’s like the blind leading the blind.”

Xander only half-listened to their conversation. He was too busy studying Buffy’s pale and drawn face. Why hadn’t he noticed the dark rings around Buffy’s eyes before? She is the Slayer, that’s why. He always expected her to be strong, infallible. Last year, should have taught him she wasn’t. She looked so small and frail lying there. Buffy saw his concerned look and groaned.

"Xander, I’ll be fine. Dawn and Tara are here."

Buffy, really couldn’t take anymore concern from Xander. As much as she loved him, she didn’t need another baby sitter. She wanted to be alone. Or so she thought. Her heart clenched seeing Spike enter with her dinner tray, Dawn tagging behind him. No, I want to be alone with Spike. I want to be in bed with him wrapped around me, just holding me. She lowered her gaze, as he caught her staring at him. She had to get control of herself. She had left him for a reason, a really good reason. He was killing me. Funny, how you felt more alive with him than you do now. Her smart ass mind remarked sarcastically.

"I’ll take that." Xander grabbed the tray out of Spike’s hands and set it down in front of Buffy.

"Don’t you have patrol?" Dawn grabbed Spike’s arm, silencing the biting retort he had on the tip of his tongue.

"I’ll go on patrol once I know Buffy has eaten her dinner. You’re too thin, Pet." Buffy shot him a dirty look, but made a dramatic display of eating a spoonful of the chicken broth. She closed her eyes as she swallowed, willing the food to stay down. She wasn’t disappointed. She took a few more sips with the same result. They all let out a collective sigh of relief when they realized she wasn’t going to vomit all over them.

"Here, Buffy, Spike got the kind of crackers you like." You had to admire the little matchmaker’s attempt to make Spike look good. Buffy’s eyebrows rose in warning to Dawn to quit it. Dawn scooted further behind Spike who watched the interaction between the sisters with amusement.

“C’mon, Tara, let’s check on the pizza.” Tara barely had time to say yes before Dawn dragged her out of the room.

“I need to talk to you.” Dawn whispered, looking behind her to make sure they were alone.

“Spike knows about the baby. He heard the heartbeat.” Tara’s face went pale.

“Wh..what? Oh, my goddess, we’ve got to tell Buffy.” She stammered.

“Do we hafta?” Dawn guessed they did from the stunned look on Tara’s face.

“Just hear me out, Tara. Obviously, the whole Buffy and Spike sleeping together thing isn’t a surprise to you. But think about Xander and Willow. You know full well, Xander’s going to freak, and he’s going to make things icky for awhile.”

Tara agreed.

“Well, don’t Buffy and Spike deserve a chance to be happy. I know Buffy broke things off because of us. She thought we were going to disapprove of them.”

“She’s confused about her feelings for Spike, and yes, she was worried how everyone would react.” Tara shuddered thinking of Buffy's confession.

Dawn hopped up on the counter. “That’s what I mean, Tara. She’s so concerned about everyone else’s opinion, she hasn’t given Spike a chance. And that’s all I’m asking for. I want them to have a chance at a real relationship. Not only for the baby, but for all of us. They are good together. I know Spike will never leave us.” Dawn pulled imaginary lint off her sweater. She didn't care if she was being selfish about this. She and Buffy needed Spike. He needed them.

Tara weighed her options. She really should tell Buffy what she knew, but she had her doubts that it was the right thing to do. She had observed Buffy and Spike together. There was more there than just lust, especially on Buffy’s part. Spike made her laugh, really laugh, and that was something that had been a rarity since before Glory. Now, there was a baby to think of. Didn’t that innocent child deserve to have two loving parents?

“Ok, Dawnie, we won’t interfere. I won’t say anything to Buffy.” Dawn jumped down and ran to Tara, embracing her tightly.

“Thank you, Tara.” Tara smiled and said a prayer to the goddess to watch over them all.

Once Tara and Dawn left, the tension in the room upped a notch, with Xander trying his best to ignore the blond vampire. Spike stood off to the side, leaning against the wall watching Buffy. Xander tried unsuccessfully to block his view, but Spike couldn’t have cared less. He was coming back after patrol anyway. By then, the whelp would have gone home.

"So, Buff, since you’re out of commission, and Deadboy here is going on patrol, what would you like me to do? Want me to go search that rental property where you were attacked?"

Buffy scrunched her face. "I don’t want you going by yourself. Who knows what those little shits will pull next? Right now, they are desperate. What do you think, Spike?"

To say Spike was shocked was an understatement, but that paled in comparison to Xander’s amazement. "Why are you asking his opinion?"

Buffy cringed at the venom in Xander’s voice. Had it always been like this between them? Had he hated Angel this much and she’d never noticed it? Buffy stared into her soup. God, she was a bitch. How could she have allowed everyone, herself included, to treat Spike like dirt? It was so much easier when he hated her and she hated him. The boundaries were set. She knew where she stood with him. They were enemies. Not anymore, her heart reminded her. She was afraid of this new thing between them. Not just the sex, but the feelings he evoked in her. Those feelings she stodgily refused to acknowledge, and he shouted from the rooftops. She had let her fear blind her to all the good he had done. Why would she do that? She sometimes wondered if she wasn’t permanently dead inside.

“Xander!” Tara shouted. “Could you come here please?”

Xander didn’t want to leave Buffy alone with Spike. “Don’t try anything.” Buffy and Spike both rolled their eyes at him. Xander passed Dawn on her way to the living room. He smiled brightly at her, but was taken aback by the frown plastered on her face. Tara was standing near the sink, her hands on her hips.

“Xander, Buffy asked Spike to come here. You..you should respect her wishes. Tara blushed furiously, unaccustomed to voicing her opinions.

“You’re acting like a jerk, and I want it to stop. You’re not helping anyone with this attitude. Dawn loves Spike, regardless of what you think. You’re only hurting her when you rip into him.”

Xander shifted uncomfortably under Tara’s stern, disapproving look. He felt like a schoolboy being scolded by his teacher.

“Sorry, Tara. It’s just.. This is Spike, we’re talking about.” He said lamely.

“Yes, this is the same Spike who nearly died for Dawn and fought by our sides all last summer.”

Tara knew she couldn‘t force Xander and Spike to get along, but she would try. She could only lead him so far, the rest was entirely up to him.

“I know you’re going through a rough time, but lashing out at Spike is wrong.” With that said, she opened the oven and took Dawn’s pizza out.

Next