Promises & Declarations

Ch. 9
Spike looked in the rearview mirror, hoping to catch Buffy’s eye to tease her again, but she was fast asleep. Her head resting against the Desoto’s black seats, her blond hair was falling in her face. He had pulled her hair loose earlier, loving its newly grown length. He remembered his shock after she cut her hair. If she thought he’d leave her alone with short hair, she’d been sadly mistaken.

"I envy the two of you.“ Anya said softly. Spike was shocked. Anya giving out compliments to others. He looked at her in a new light. They weren’t friends, but he liked “demon girl” as he affectionately called her.

“You shouldn‘t, but thanks. Sorry about the whelp. If it helps, he’s an idiot.“

A smile tugged at Anya’s lips. “Yes, he is. And he’s in love with Buffy.“

Spike nodded. “Yeah, I know. Doesn’t make a difference, though. She’s mine. I’m never leaving her.“ Spike gripped the steering wheel tightly. It was one thing to know something. It was quite another to have it confirmed by someone else.

“He won’t make things easy for the two of you, especially with Buffy’s pregnancy." Luckily for them, Spike had to stop at a red light. As it were, he nearly slammed his foot down through the floorboard.

Spike spun around to check on Buffy, but she was still asleep.

Spike leered at Anya, who gave him her most innocent look. "Did I say something I shouldn’t?"

Spike took a deep breath to calm himself. “So, you know. Does Xander?”

Anya shook her head. “No, he doesn‘t, but he will soon enough.”

At Spike’s hard look, she quickly stated. “But not from me. One, I don’t think he’d believe me. And two, he would probably kill me for saying it.”

“The Nibblet told you, didn’t she?” Spike guessed. Dawn. He was going to have a little talk with her when they got home. He wondered what else she’d told Anya.

“Actually, I figured it out myself. Look, I’m old enough to know the difference between toxic poisoning and morning sickness. Besides, poisonings tend to make you lose weight, not gain it.” Spike rather liked the added weight. He‘d never tell Buffy that, not if he wanted to see said body naked again. It made her all lush and soft in places, where it used to be hard muscle. Spike pulled the car into the drive. Xander’s car was parked on the street. What he wouldn’t give to take Buffy and Dawn and disappear from here forever.

“He loves her. Or at least he thinks he does. He’s a very confused and angry young man. Just watch your back. I don’t know what he’ll do, but he’s at the breaking point.” Anya smiled sympathetically, opening her door.

“We’ll meet you inside, Anya.” Spike watched as she traipsed up the steps into the house. He knelt in the open door, and watched Buffy. He loved watching her fight, seeing that perfect body in motion, but it was moments like these, when he realized how lucky he was to be with her. When she slept, all her defenses were banished. She was just Buffy, the woman-child he met five years ago.

He smiled watching as she awakened. The stillness of the car was signaling to her body that they were home. She opened her eyes slowly, smiling when she saw blue ones staring back at her. “No fair. You’re always watching me sleep. I never get to see you.” Buffy stretched languidly, reaching her hands out of the car, wiggling her fingers.

“Well, luv that’s your fault. You always leave before I fall asleep.” Spike said teasingly. Buffy’s brow furrowed. Spike’s innocent statement was bringing back the bitter sting of her past actions. Spike saw this. “Hey, now, none of that. Can’t change the past. We can only do better. Both of us can do better.”

Spike reached for her and Buffy allowed him to pull her out of the car. He wrapped her arms around his waist. She was so tired, her head fell heavily to his chest. He was strong and steady, and she wanted to stay here forever. She clung to him, inhaling his scent. In the weeks since she’d discovered she was pregnant, his was the only scent that didn’t send her running to the bathroom. “You stopped smoking.” She mumbled into his chest, surprising him.

“Yeah, stopped after I found out about the baby. Can’t smoke around you anymore. Decided it wasn’t so important.” She blinked those long lashes at him. He gulped. He had it bad. If you had asked him five years ago, what his fondest wish would be, he definitely wouldn’t have said, standing in the dark with Buffy’s arms around him, drowning in her hazel eyes.

Buffy crooked her finger, beckoning him closer. Mere inches from his lips, she whispered. “I want to watch you sleep. Stay tonight?”

Spike wanted to. Boy, how he wanted to. “Ah, that might not be such a great idea. We‘ll talk later, after the smoke has cleared.” Buffy pulled back and looked at him, a question posed on her lips.

Xander sat stiffly in the chair, waiting for Anya, Spike and Buffy to arrive. Willow had tried to talk to him, but he had only spoken in monosyllables, so she gave up and went back in the kitchen with Tara. Dawn came bounding down the stairs, but skidded to a stop when she didn’t see Buffy.

"Where’s Buffy?"

"With Spike and Anya." Xander answered a hard edge to his voice. He didn‘t bothering to look up at her.

"What’s your deal, Xander? Did you and Spike get into a fight again?" She lightheartedly asked.

"Look, Dawn, no offense, but I don’t want to talk about Buffy or Spike or Anya. Okay?" Xander looked up and saw the hurt look on Dawn’s face.

“Dawn, I ’m sorry. I’m just having a bad day, Dawnie. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. You’re my little Dawnster. I’d never hurt you.” Xander begged.

“You didn’t hurt me.” Dawn said petulantly. She whipped her dark brown tresses over her shoulder, her blue eyes steely as they pinned Xander. “I’m sorry if your day was so bad, Xander. Mine wasn’t too peachy either, but you don’t see me snapping at you. If you don’t like what you see here, then leave.”

He scrambled to repair the damage, but Anya’s appearance prevented that.

Dawn flung her arms around Anya, hugging the startled demon. "Dawn, you’re crushing me."

"I’m sorry, Anya. I’m just so glad to see you. Willow and Tara are in the kitchen. I’m sure they’ll want to see you." Dawn said, winking at her fellow conspirator.

"Oh, I get it, Dawn." Anya whispered. "Yeah, I can’t wait to talk to them too." Anya said loudly. She winked back at Dawn and headed for the kitchen.

Willow and Tara jumped apart, as Anya strode in.

"Don’t you two look cozy. Does this mean you’re back together?" Anya asked, truly in her element torturing people.

"Anya." Willow gasped as Tara tried to crawl into the sink. "We were just talking."

"Uh huh! Sure you were."

"Did you bring the books?" Tara asked, hoping to get Anya’s mind off her favorite subject, sex. Or was that her second favorite? Tara mused.

"I told you, I would. Though, I don’t know what you expect to find in those particular books. Those prophecies and spells are so old. It‘s a bunch of mumbo-jumbo. No one takes those seriously." She sat down and started munching on the leftovers.

"Well, Tara and I have a theory. What if the prophecy was one that had been dismissed by most scholars, but rang true with the French Slayer?" Willow was almost giddy with excitement.

"The Council wouldn’t give it any credence for fear that people would find out the truth. Slayers and Vampires can coexist with each other, even fall in love, and that it‘s possible for them to create a child." Tara looked over Anya’s shoulder and saw Buffy and Spike through the window talking with Dawn.

"Do you see what we’re saying, Anya?" Tara asked, noting Anya’s confused expression. Anya shook her head, not really sure if they knew what they were saying.

"Where’s the best place to hide something?” Willow asked rhetorically. “In plain sight. No one would believe it, but it would be the truth. Who would believe a prophecy or trust a spell that for years was believed to be false?"


Dawn watched them from the porch. She hated to disturb them, but she wanted them to know what they were heading into. She cleared her throat, grinning when she heard Spike swear.

“Dawn, what are you doing out here?” Buffy said as she rounded the corner, Spike’s hand in hers.

“I need to talk to you, alone.” She answered, clueless to the events of this morning.

“Dawn, anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of Spike. Since, he’s known for weeks about my secret.” Spike coughed to cover his laughter. Dawn looked stricken. Her face had gone pale.

“Uh, uh.... Buffy,” she said, as she backed away from her highly amused sister. “I can explain. Spike already knew. He had the pregnancy tests in his bag.”

“Shush! Geez, Dawn, do you want the whole neighborhood to know?” Buffy cautioned. “Come here.” Buffy patted the seat next to her. “I’m not mad. I should be, but seeing as how I sorta wasn‘t truthful with either of you, I‘m going to let that slide. But no more secrets. Do you hear me? ” Dawn hugged Buffy, but behind her back she mouthed ‘Tell her’ to Spike. He shook his head.

“Whatever the two of you are hiding, tell me now!” Buffy said, exasperated and tickled at the shocked looks on both Dawn and Spike’s faces. “I know you two are up to something. I promise I won’t get mad.” Spike and Dawn both gave her their signature eye-rolls.

“Now, isn’t the time, Buffy. We’ve got bigger problems.” Spike said, hating having to give her this news. “Anya knows. Don’t know how, but she knows.” Buffy’s eyes got as big as saucers, and she groaned.

“Anya knows? How?” Buffy dropped her head into her hands, moaning. “She’ll tell Willow and Xander for sure. She can’t keep a secret.”

Dawn edged over to Spike, and hid behind his back. “Well, you don’t have to worry about Willow. She figured it out too.” Spike caught Buffy before she hit the ground. He helped her back into the chair, and stroked her back. “Breathe, Buffy. Breath. That’s it. Take deep breaths. It’s going to be all right. They were going to find out sooner or later.”

Buffy took great heaping breaths, but it did nothing to calm her overwrought nerves. Willow knew. Oh, god, how was she going to face her? And Anya? Spike bent over, whispering soothing, loving words into her ear. “Buffy, I love you. Dawn loves you. We will be there for you.” Buffy cocked her head to the side, looking at him with forlorn eyes. He didn’t understand. No one did. They would hate her for sleeping with Spike, for having his baby. They were her friends, her family. She needed them.

“You don’t understand. I,” her breath hitched, and she felt tears forming at the corners of her eyes. “I need them.”

Dawn dropped to her knees in front of Buffy, her hands grabbing Buffy’s face, forcing her to look at her. “Willow is okay with this Buffy. She just wants you to be happy and safe.” Dawn continued to stare into Buffy’s green eyes, hoping she saw the truth of her statement. “Willow loves you, almost as much as we do. She won’t turn her back on you.”

“Listen to the Bit, Buffy. Red wants nothing more than for everyone to be happy eating cookies.” Dawn bobbed her head in agreement, remembering the dozens of cookies Willow baked after Buffy and Spike’s enchanted engagement. Buffy closed her eyes as Spike kissed her neck. She felt Dawn’s hand squeeze her shoulder. They loved her. No matter what happened in this house tonight, she would always have Spike and Dawn. And her little baby. She nodded, rubbing her face clean of tears. Before they reached the door, Buffy stopped.

“Does Xander know?” She asked anxiously.

“No, Anya hasn’t said anything to him.” Spike told her. “Neither has Willow.” Dawn answered. She watched Buffy, concerned. “Buffy, it really is going to be all right.”

Buffy swayed a little and grabbed the door for support. "Are you okay, Buffy?" Spike asked, alarmed.

"I think so. I just feel a little woozy that’s all. I haven’t eaten since this morning." Buffy looked up sheepishly at Spike, waiting for the verbal barrage she knew was coming.

"Come on, let’s get you inside. How about some Chinese noodles and some Tao chicken?" Dawn bent down and spoke to her niece. "How does that sound to you, bitty?" Buffy stroked Dawn’ hair. Her sister, her daughter.

Dawn straightened up and walked into the house. Buffy placed her hand on Spike’s arm as he opened the door. "I’m so sorry. I should have remembered to eat. What kind of mother would forget to eat?" She whimpered.

"The kind that was out fighting evil, trying to make things safe for her sis and her child. Buffy, you are going to be a terrific mother. Never doubt that. You had a lot to deal with today, and I haven’t made things any easier.“ Spike brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes. “My expert seduction this morning. Allowing you to take advantage of my good nature in the back seat." Buffy huffed. Spike smirked.

"I took advantage of you. What the..? She stuttered, then burst out laughing. "What am I going to do with you?" He shrugged, his blue eyes a welcoming pool of love and companionship. Buffy kissed him hard on the lips. "Thank you."
"I meant it." Spike smiled, taking her by the hand and leading her inside.


“Dawnie?” Xander pleaded, when she came back inside. Great, he’d hurt his little buddy, now. What in the hell was going on with him?

“I don’t have time to listen to this, Xander. Whatever bug is up your butt, you need to seriously consider removing it before Buffy removes you from this house.” She shook her head disappointed and hurt.

Tara excused herself, leaving Anya and Willow to talk more about the French slayer. She walked in just in time to hear Dawn‘s rather nasty remark to Xander. “Dawn, you don‘t say things like that to people.” She admonished. She placed her hand on Dawn‘s shoulder, and was surprised when the young girl shrugged her hand off.

“He’s in a bad mood because of Spike and Anya. I’m sick of listening to him bash Spike all the time. Spike’s been like a brother to me. He loves Buffy and me so much. Why can’t you understand that?” Dawn said, turning around to look at Xander. Xander shifted from one foot to the other, totally uncomfortable under the intense scrutiny of the two women.

“I didn’t say that...” Xander broke off as Buffy and Spike entered.

“Didn’t say what?” Buffy inquired. Three pairs of eyes stared at her, till she was sure she had something hanging from her nose. She swiped at it, hoping to keep her coolness intact.

“What’s going on here?” Spike asked suspiciously. Dawn was glaring at Xander, like he smashed Uncle Pele or took away her NSYNC CDs.

A chorus of “nothing” resounded off the walls.

Buffy eyed them, but said nothing further. She gave Dawn a look that said ‘we are so talking later‘.

Spike felt it was best to move on. “Well, now, that we‘ve settle the nothing that was going on. Warren and his crew are working with Kalsta demons.” Anya and Willow wandered into the living room, after hearing Buffy and Spike enter. Only Anya understood the significance of the statement, and she let out a low whistle. “Kalstas, you say? Ooh, Warren’s pulling out all the stops. Unless you kill the entire pack, they’ll keep coming.”

“Pack? What do you mean, pack?” Xander asked, cautiously.

“Well, they’re sort of like wolves. They roam in packs. There’s a leader and his minions. Almost like a Master vamp and his followers.” Anya turned back to Buffy, and said. “But don’t worry. There are usually only six to eight to a pack. You can defeat them, but you have to take out the leader first. The others follow him.”

Spike pulled his duster off, throwing it over the banister. “We could have killed him tonight. There were two at Willie’s.” Anya sat down, crossing her legs as she did.

“I doubt it. The leader wouldn’t meet with a human. No offense, but they think humans are beneath them.”

“Then, why would they willing work with Warren?” Willow asked, intrigued. She, Tara, and Dawn crowded onto the couch.

"Power. Money. More than likely," she continued. "It's the opportunity to knock off the Slayer." Dawn gasped her face awash with fear.

"So, where do you think they're hiding? Because those two in the alley aren't talking." Buffy said, crossing her arms in front of her.

"Tried to tell you not to kill him, Pet." Spike smiled as he ran his hand down her back and went to sit on the stairs. Buffy shot him a bird, but he could see her smiling.

"Buffy, what do you want to do?" Tara asked. Buffy thought about it for a minute. "Nothing different. You're all staying here tonight. So make yourselves comfortable. Xander and Willow will you research these Kalsta demons? Find out what places they like to inhabit. Maybe we can get an idea of where they are hiding. Tara and Anya, I need to speak to you about that other stuff you‘re doing. Dawn, get ready for bed. Have you done your homework?" Dawn shook her head. That was the last thing on her mind. "Do it and be in bed by 11. Okay?" Buffy smiled to soften the parental command. Dawn got up and stood next to Spike on the stairs. "I'm going to get something to eat. I'm starved. We can talk later. Is that okay?" Everyone nodded.

Spike got up to follow Buffy, but Dawn stayed him. "We need to talk about the money." She whispered. Spike nodded. "Let's go back outside." He suggested. Spike held the door open for Dawn, and waited till she got comfortable in the chair. He sat on the porch rail, scanning the area.

“What was going on when we walked in, Bit?” Spike asked.

“Xander was being a butt. I just told him he could leave if he was going to be in a bad mood. We don’t need that around here. Besides, you’ve been a better boyfriend than Riley and Angel put together. It just makes me so mad, after everything you’ve done; he still treats you like dirt.” Spike smiled.

“You don’t have to fight my battles for me, Pet. I appreciate it though. No one’s ever done that for me.”

“Well, you protect me. I protect you. You give and give, and it still isn’t enough for him.” It still shook Spike to his core to realize how much he loved this girl. Before he realized how much he loved Buffy, he loved Dawn. He would willing give his life for hers. He wasn’t worthy of her devotion to him.

"You didn’t tell the whelp about the money?" He asked weary.

"Are you daft? No, I didn't tell him. And before you ask, no, I didn’t tell Anya, Tara or Willow.” Dawn studied her chipped toenail, wondering when she'd get the time to redo them. “I didn't have a chance to put it in the bank yet. Carrying all that money around gives me the creeps. Do you have the next batch ready to take to Tiger?"

"Yes, it's ready, but don't think you're going with me. Last time was a one-shot deal." Spike said, knowing Buffy wouldn't hesitate to stake him if she knew Dawn had met Tiger.

Dawn shook her head and let out a huge sigh. "Spike," she said patronizingly, "you need me. We work well together. It's the Summers gene. We were meant to be together. And I am so going next time. You need to be able to negotiate without worrying about the jewels. Besides, I think Tiger likes me."

Spike huffed. "Yeah, in a snack-kind of way." Dawn giggled, and the sound was music to Spike's ears. This house had known too much sadness in the last year. He wished Joyce were here. She would have made a great grandmother.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Dawn queried, her eyes soft as she regarded the most important man in her life.

"Just thinking about your mum. She was a terrific lady." Spike's eyes dropped to his shoes. He willed the tears back. He would not cry in front of Dawn. That was a special privilege reserved for Joyce only.

"I miss her too. The day of the anniversary was hard. I spent the day with Tara. Buffy seemed lost in her own world. It was like I didn't even exist." Dawn said, sadly.

"I saw her that night. It was hard on her. Missing your mom, trying to adjust to being back. I wanted to take away the pain. I think I made it worse." Spike pushed off the railing, and slumped down next to Dawn. "She ran crying from the crypt."

Dawn shuddered, remembering Buffy that night. "When she got home, she kept saying 'it was too much. She couldn't handle it.' She finally fell asleep on the sofa. She never did tell me what happened that night." Dawn didn't want to pry. Whatever had happened was their business, not hers. She patted Spike's hand. "I'm sure it wasn't you, just the situation."

"Thanks, Nib. Come by the crypt tomorrow. We'll go to the bank and then to see Tiger." Dawn happily clapped her hands. "You won't regret this partner." She said, sticking her hand out. Spike shook it reluctantly, knowing she would have followed him if didn't take her with him.

The bowl dropped to the floor with a clang. Buffy coughed, choking on the noodles. Anya whacked her on the back, till Buffy waved her off. "There was another one. Why have I never heard of her? I think I would have remembered a pregnant Slayer." Her mind struggled to process this information. She wasn't the only one. This had happened before. Angel. She could have had a child with Angel. That one night could have produced a baby. She felt immediately guilty for having such thoughts, when she saw Spike. He had his arm around Dawn's shoulder, hugging her tightly to him. He stopped, noticing her stricken look and the noodles on the floor. Speeding past a crouching Tara, Spike grabbed her arms, shaking her. "What's wrong? Is it?"

"No, I'm fine. Just shocked. I'm fine." He didn’t believe her and she knew it. Buffy threw her arms around his neck. "I'm fine." She whispered. "Really." Dawn took in the scene, and realized immediately what had happened. She stepped in and closed the door to the dining room. "They told you about the other Slayer."

"What other Slayer?" Spike asked, his eyes never leaving Buffy. She had his head in her hands, her thumbs rubbing circles on his cheeks. His piercing, blue eyes tried to see what she was thinking, but for once, she was unreadable.

Buffy swallowed past the lump in her throat. He needed to know. "Back in France, during their Revolution, there was a Slayer involved with a vampire and.."

"They had a baby." Spike finished, his head spinning. No wonder Buffy dropped her food. He was having trouble standing. The world disappeared except for the two of them.

"Hello, we're still here." Anya interrupted.

They looked guiltily at her. "So, what else do we know? Was it a spell? Some prophecy Giles never heard about?" Buffy demanded, though she knew they didn't have the answers. The Council had kept this girl a secret. Why? Was she the bearer of an apocalypse? Buffy’s hand rubbed her belly, unconsciously caressing her unborn child.

Angel. Spike thought. She could have had a child with the Poof. His jaw ticked with anger. He knew she must have realized that little toss in the sack with Angel could have resulted in the same thing. That same inferiority complex he had when it came to Angel resurfaced. Would she rather be having Angel's child or his?

"Willow's going to try to find her Watcher's diary. We‘re hoping she had to keep one too. We tried going on-line earlier, but the security system wouldn‘t allow us to access the diaries. Willow said she‘d need a few days to break the code." Tara said as she dumped the noodles into the trash.

“So basically, there’s nothing else to do except look in those books.” Dawn added from the corner. Her eyes drifted to Spike’s rigid stance. Something was bothering him. Couldn’t Buffy tell? Dawn walked over to him, placing her hand on his arm, causing him to jump. Blue eyes studied each other. Spike shook his head to Dawn’s silent question. This was his problem, not hers.

“I guess then, we should get started.” Buffy said, glancing at Anya and Tara. “Anya, do you think you can remember anything else about that Slayer? I mean, this had to be big news back then.” Buffy was grasping for anything at this point.

“I’ve tried to remember Buffy, but that was a busy time for me. With all the adultery and misbehaving, I was constantly teleporting in and out of Paris. I could ask Hoffie, if it’s really important.” Anya said, standing up.

“No.”

“Yes.” Spike looked at Buffy, and Buffy stared at Spike. “I don’t want any other demons knowing about this.” Buffy said. “And, I want answers. I don’t really care where they come from.” Dawn stepped between the two of them.

“Guys, what’s going on?” She asked, worried. Something definitely had changed from the porch to now.

“Nothing.” Which was the truth from Buffy’s point of view. She sensed a change in Spike. He seemed edgier and angry. Why was he angry with her?

“I don’t care. Let’s just get started. The sooner we find out how the bitty came to be the happier we’ll all be.” Spike threw his hands up in the air, and quickly retreated out the back door. Buffy watched him go in confusion.

“Let me talk to him.” Dawn suggested.

“I need to talk to Tara, anyway.” Buffy said, grateful for the opportunity to speak to Tara alone.

“Well, I’m not going to research by myself.” Anya stated. “I’ll be upstairs. Call me when you’re ready to start. Oh, Buffy, where do you want me?”

“Dawn’s room. We’re going to set up the Euro bed in there for you. Is that okay?”

“Yep. It beats sleeping three to a bed with Willow.” Anya said, staring blatantly at Tara. She wiggled her eyebrows, then left the kitchen.

Tara was red with embarrassment, but Buffy decided to let it go. “So what’s up?” Tara asked, noting the concerned look on Buffy’s face.

“Angel.” Buffy said, sitting down at the table. “I could have had Angel’s baby. We were so in love. Why didn’t it happen then? Why now? Why with Spike?” She asked, truly perplexed.

“Do you want this child to be Spike’s or Angel’s?” Tara asked, although she knew the answer. She was pretty sure Buffy knew it too. She pulled her chair closer to Buffy.

Buffy closed her eyes trying to imagine what her daughter would look like. Try as she might, her daughter didn’t have hazel eyes and dark brown hair. She was blonde-haired with piercing blue eyes. Just like her father. “Spike.”

Spike sat on the steps, looking out at nothing. He heard the back door open behind him. Dawn sat down next to him, her fingers laced lightly together. How many times had they sat like this during Buffy’s absence? Each would be lost in their own memories of her. Each would look to the stars, hoping Buffy could feel their love and devotion.

“Buffy wishes the baby were Angel’s.” Spike said, his voice clear and steady. Dawn glanced at him, noticing the slump of his shoulders. He really believes that crap. She thought. Men are so stupid.

“What makes you think that? Oh, let me guess. She said it.” Dawn tapped her finger on her lips. “No, that can’t be the case because I would have heard her say it.” She continued, sarcastically. She smacked Spike on the arm. “She doesn’t love Angel. She loves you. She loves your baby. When are you going to get it through that thick head of yours? Buffy has already chosen. She is here with you. She’s not in LA with Angel.”

“That’s only because he can’t give her a child without turning into Angelus.” Spike was being stubborn. But when it came to Angel, he felt inadequate, second best. He hated the fucker. The screen door slammed shut. Dawn turned and saw Buffy standing there. This was definitely her cue to leave. She briefly touched Spike‘s shoulder as she stood. She sincerely hoped this inferiority complex of his wouldn’t rear its ugly head. He and Buffy were so close to having it all, they just needed to throw some old baggage out the window.

“Dawn, would you help Anya set up the Euro bed, then finish your homework? You’ve got school tomorrow.” Dawn hopped up, stopping to give Buffy a hug of support, then slipped quietly back into the house, closing the door behind her.

Buffy took Dawn’s place next to Spike, putting her arm around his. She rested her head on his shoulder.

“Can I tell you something?” She asked, stroking his arm. Spike shrugged, which was kind of difficult considering Buffy’s head was on his shoulder.

“When Tara told me about the other Slayer, I thought of Angel.” She felt him stiffen under her, but she needed to say this. “Then I saw the baby, and there was no doubt in my mind who she belonged to. She’s ours. Yours and mine. The way it should be.“ Spike said nothing, but he laid his head on top of hers. “She has blonde hair and blue eyes, just like you. Well, you, if you keep dying your hair.“ Spike laughed, and it warmed Buffy’s heart. “I don’t regret a thing, Spike. I can’t imagine any other man being my child’s father.” Spike turned slightly, pressing his lips to her forehead.

“You know I hate him for various reasons. Reasons we won’t name here because they don’t matter anymore.” Buffy smiled slightly. Dru didn’t matter anymore. Neither did Angel. “I hate feeling like this. Second best. Second choice. The thought that Angel could once again take something that‘s mine...”

“You’re not!” She said, looking up at him. “The only reason I thought about Angel was to wonder why it didn’t happen between us. Those were the dreams of a child. I’ve grown up. I don’t love Angel anymore. It took me a long time to get over him, but I did. I moved on.” She lowered her eyes. “Like you moved on from Dru.” It was Spike’s turn to smile. Jealous little bint. “We are quite the couple aren’t we? I’m jealous of Angel, and you’re jealous of Dru.” He laughed and sighed.

“I can’t imagine not being with you and Dawn and the bitty. Being pushed aside in favor of Angel, it would be too much. It scares me.” It broke Buffy’s heart to hear him distressed. At that moment, she wanted to beat the crap out of Dru and Angelus. I guess I should reserve a butt kicking for myself. Had there ever been a moment when Spike had felt truly loved, completely for himself and not for another? Buffy ran her finger over his lips, lingering till he nipped her fingertip.

“You will never lose us. Ever. There will be no pushing aside. There will be no Angels or Drus to ruin what we have here. I may not say the words, but you know you’re the one. You’re the long-haul guy. I’m not looking for anyone else to take your place by my side, in my bed, in my heart.” She sniffed, and raised her hazel eyes. She took her hand, and placed it over his heart. “This is my promise, my declaration to you.”

It was a profound moment in their tumultuous history. Spike knew this was the moment he had been waiting for all his life. He had found his home, his place in this world. He placed his hand over her heart. “My promise. My declaration to you.”


Willow pursed her lips together, watching Xander stealthily out the corner of her eye. “So, I guess we should look in the demonology book. This one had zilch on Kalsta demons. Whadda ya think? ” She said pulling the book toward her. She thumbed through the pages, occasionally glancing at Xander. His eyes were blank, and she could tell he hadn’t heard a word of what she’d said. “Xander? Xander?”

“What? What? Sorry. What did you say, Willow?” Willow patted the book in front of her. “Research. Mercenary demons. Remember?” Xander ran his hand through his dark hair.

“Yeah, research. So where’s everyone else? We can’t do a Scooby research party without the gang.” Xander joked, clapping his hands together. He needed to talk to Buffy, apologize for earlier. If he could only get her alone, away from Spike, he could explain himself. And what would you say to her? His mind questioned. You’ve been an ass to her, to Dawn, to Anya. What could you say that would make this situation any better? Are you going to declare your undying love to her? Don’t think that’ll have the effect you’re hoping for.

“Hey, guys, we need some help with this research.” Willow shouted. They heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Dawn was in her pajamas, and held her math book in her hands. “I can’t actively help, but I’m all with the support from over here.” Dawn remarked, settling on the floor with her math book. Tara and Anya took some books with them into the dining room and set up shop in there. Buffy and Spike wandered in, looking to the entire world, like a pair of newlyweds. Dawn grinned happily. It was obvious the latest crisis in the on-going saga of Buffy and Spike had been averted.

“I need to talk to Willow. She wanted to talk earlier. I guess I know what that was about.” Spike kissed her on the mouth. “Okay, I’ll make sure Dawn gets her homework and goes to bed on time. I’ll be up later. We’ve got to find out all we can on those blokes working with Warren. Can’t have them attacking us and we’re not prepared for them.” Buffy nodded. She shook her head, trying to banish the sleeping time blues. Her eyes drooped, and he could tell she was struggling to stay awake.

“You’re exhausted, luv. You know you don’t have that famous slayer stamina anymore.”

“I’ve got the stamina. Don’t you worry about it.” Buffy ran her tongue over her bottom lip. “I’ll show you just how much stamina I have. Later.” Spike groaned at the suddenly increased pressure in his groin. Think bad thoughts, he commanded his mind. Giles and Xander naked. Eww! Angel naked. Double eww! Angel and Buffy together. Fuck! That did it!

Buffy went over to Willow, and the two girls retreated upstairs to Buffy’s bedroom. Buffy closed the door, and they climbed on the bed, like they used to do in high school. Buffy struggled with the right words to say, but Willow beat her to the punch.

“You’re having a baby, Buffy. I’m so happy for you and Spike.” Buffy sighed. She searched Willow’s face for deceit, but there was none. Only happiness.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” Buffy said, grabbing Willow’s hand.

“Nonsense. You had to get used to the idea yourself. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for everything else.” Willow said, alluding to Buffy’s involvement with Spike. “I haven’t been a best friend to you, since you’ve been back. I’ve made so many mistakes, and I never thought about how you were handling things.”

“Willow, stop, please. I don’t blame you. Growing up sucks! It’s been hard on all of us. Spike says we need to move on and he’s right. No more looking back into the past. We can’t change it. We’re here now with each other, and that’s all that matters. I need you Will. I need you so much. I miss my Mom and Giles. Giles? He’s going to freak when he finds out.”

Willow nodded and cringed. “That’s not going to be a pretty conversation. He loves you. He’ll be upset and grumble for awhile, but he’ll be there for you. No matter what.” Buffy agreed, but still felt uneasy. It would be hard telling Giles she was pregnant. Telling him she was pregnant and the baby was Spike’s was going to be downright terrifying.

“I’m guessing you don’t want me to ask him for help.” Buffy shook her head. “No, Will, not yet. I know I’m being unreasonable, but I need time to figure out what to say. I promise you, if we can’t find the answers, I’ll tell him.”

Buffy covered her mouth, yawning. Willow guessed the baby was already taking its toll on Buffy’s body. “So, how does it feel being pregnant?”

“Pretty much the same as non-pregnant Buffy. Except for the sleepiness and not being able to wear my clothes, it’s great. It’s amazing really. To know, there’s this little person inside of me, growing stronger day by day.” Willow smiled, listening to the wistful quality of Buffy’s voice. “She’s just amazing Willow. There are times I swear she knows when I’m upset or angry at Spike. I feel this jolt go through my body, like she’s telling me to leave her daddy alone.”

“Wow! Does she.. wait a minute, you already know it’s a girl?” Was it possible to know this early?

Buffy laughed, letting Willow in on the joke. “I don’t know for sure. It’s just a feeling in my gut. I think my Slayer genes were just too powerful for Spike’s boys, and they made the baby a girl.”

Willow giggled, imagining the fight between Spike’s boys and Buffy’s ovum. “What does Spike think?”

“He doesn’t care. As long as the baby’s healthy, he couldn’t care less. He’s taken to calling her ‘bitty bit’. So, that way, he doesn’t have to choose.” Buffy reached for her pillow, fluffing it so she could rest against it.

“Speaking of Spike, is he going to be moving in here?”

“I don’t know Will. He’d like to. He hasn’t said anything, but I know he does. But with Social Services keeping a close eye on us, I can’t risk them taking Dawn because I’m living with my boyfriend.”

“Well, if he does, then I’ll move out. You’ll need to set up a nursery, and there aren’t enough rooms in here for all of us.”

“Don’t start moving out yet. We’ll cross that bridge when we need to. I’m only 9 weeks along. We’ve got time to figure the living situation out.”

“Okay.” Willow knew it wouldn’t be a problem. She and Tara were making progress. Hopefully, they’d be getting a place together. “I still can’t believe you’re pregnant, Buffy. This is like wow, you know. All those times in high school when we used to talk about the future. I thought I’d be with Oz and you’d be with Angel. It’s just..” Willow stopped. Buffy was asleep. Her head resting on her bent arm. Willow wanted to ease off the bed, and let her sleep, but she was afraid any movement would awaken her.

Buffy’s head dropped, startling her awake. “Sorry, Will. It’s been such a long day. First, Spike, then Dawn. And Spike, and fighting, and the Kalstas. I can barely keep my eyes open.“ Buffy sat up, then groaned. “I just need a little nap, then I’ll be good to go.” Willow slid off the bed. “Wake me in 15 minutes?”

“Sure thing.” Willow had her hand on the door knob. She stopped and turned back to Buffy. After all that Buffy had done to help her, Willow would do everything in her power to help Buffy and her baby. “We’re going to find out how this happened. I promise you. And don’t worry about Warren. We’ll find him and Jonathan soon enough. They won’t be a threat to you or the baby.” Buffy nodded her head, sleepily. “Thanks, Will.” Her head dropped to the pillow the moment the door closed.

“Thanks for you help with my math, Spike.” Dawn said as they came up the stairs.

“No problem, Bit. It wasn’t my favorite subject in school, but I managed okay. Surprisingly, this stuff hasn’t changed much in a 150 years.”

“That’s so depressing.” Dawn shot back. “So, are you staying the night?” They had stopped outside Buffy’s closed door. He could hear Willow and Buffy talking inside.

“Probably, but I’ll be gone before daybreak.”

“Why? Is it because of Xander?” Dawn asked tensely. She hadn’t forgotten Xander’s earlier bad mouthing, and if it drove Spike out of the house, she wouldn’t speak to Xander again.

“No, Bit, that’s not it. Wouldn’t do for Social services to stop by and find me here. No, I’ll leave before you get up for school. Just like before. But I’ll be back. Hey, it’s not like you’re not coming to the crypt after school, remember?”

“Yep. I remember. Well, I’d better get to bed before Buffy goes parental on me. Night.” She hugged him, and closed the door to her room.

Willow closed the door, jumping nearly a foot in the air when Spike poked her in the ribs. “Holy mother. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“Ah, no. Is Buffy asleep?” Willow looked at him surprised. “Vampire hearing.” He answered pointing to his ears.

“Yeah, she wants me to wake her in a few minutes.”

“Don’t. She’s exhausted. Let her sleep.” Spike opened the door. Buffy was curled up in a ball, her arms wrapped around the pillow. “She needs her sleep.” He said, closing the door softly.

“She wanted to do research.” Willow laughed softly at Spike’s stunned look. “Yeah, I know. Buffy and research don’t go together.”

“Tell you what, Red. I’ll help you if you help me.”

“Go on.”

“The whelp has been rather nasty to Buffy and Dawn lately. He’s mad at me, but he’s taking it out on them. Do you think you can talk some sense into him?”

Willow chewed her bottom lip. “I’ll try, but Xander’s been acting really strange the last few weeks. I don’t know if he’ll listen to me.” She answered honestly.

“But you’ll try, right? Don‘t do it for me, but Buffy doesn’t need this grief.” Spike ran his hand over her door, before heading downstairs. She was Xander’s best friend. It was up to her to try to fix this situation before it got any worse.


Willow pulled her hair back in a ponytail. She turned the bathroom light out and climbed in the bed next to Xander. “This is like old times. You, me, sleepover. The only thing missing is my Operation game.“ Xander smiled slightly. He had something he wanted to discuss with Willow, but he didn’t know how to start. He had so many things going through his mind, he felt like he was going crazy.

“Willow, I think I’m turning into my father.” That certainly got Willow’s attention. “You think you’re turning into your father? No, Xander, that’s not possible.” She tried to comfort him.

“I almost killed Spike a couple of weeks ago. Had the crossbow aimed at his back, my finger on the trigger. I wanted him dead.” Willow sat next to him, her mouth gaping open. She thought for a moment that perhaps she had fallen asleep. She pinched her arm, the sting letting her know this was for real.

“I had my story all together. Spike was killed in battle. Warren and the others got away. I’m so sorry, Buffy. I’m so sorry, Dawn.” Xander felt separate from his body as he unburdened himself. “Then, it hit me. They would be devastated. But worse than that, I could see them finding out the truth. They would hate me. Me, Willow. I’ve always been there for them. I love them. But, I know they love him. I know they need him, and I hate it.”

Willow grabbed his hand. “Xander, it’s okay to hate Spike. Well, not really, but it is understandable. He can be pretty annoying at times. That doesn’t make you like your father. You.. you and Spike have always had a hate-hate relationship.” Willow was frantic. She couldn’t believe what she’d heard, but she could feel the darkness, the hate enveloping Xander.

Xander continued talking. He needed someone to hear him. And he knew Willow would know what to do. “Then, this evening with Buffy. I said these awful things. I wanted her to hurt. I wanted her to know how disgusted I was with her for sleeping with Spike. Yes,” he said off-handedly to Willow, “I know they’ve been sleeping together. I’ve known since that day she went invisible. I just didn’t want to believe it.” Willow wondered what else he knew.

Tara jolted awake. Willow’s mind was bombarding her with images of a tortured and despondent Xander. She opened her mind, allowing her to experience what was happening a few feet away from her.

“I wanted to hurt her. I really did. She just kept saying all these things about how much Buffy loved Spike. She shouldn’t Willow. It’s wrong. It’s just so wrong.”

“Xander, it’s Buffy’s life. We can’t tell her what to do.” Willow took her hand and pulled Xander’s chin up, forcing him to look at her. “We love her. We don’t control her.”

“I wanted to hit Anya. I wanted to do anything to make her shut up. It was the exact same thing that demon showed me at my wedding. How is that not like my father?” Xander’s normally soft brown eyes were anguished. “How?” He asked her.

“But you didn’t Xander. That’s what makes you different from your father.” Willow wanted to shake him out of this mood. She knew how dangerous feeling sorry for yourself was. She had allowed her own fears and insecurities to lead her down the dark path, and she’d lost Tara. Willow grabbed Xander by the shoulders, pulling him to her bosom. She felt him grip her waist, painfully as he cried. She stroked his back, hoping her love would heal him.

Tara sobbed feeling Willow’s pain and frustration. She couldn’t go to her and comfort her. Xander was in deep trouble, but he had to face the truth about himself before he could be better.

Willow peppered kisses in Xander’s hair. “Xander, listen to me. You are not your father. You never will be. You just don’t have it in you.”

“I’m my father’s son.” Xander told her.
“Yes, his son, but not him. You’ve made some bad choices in the last month, but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. You were scared and you acted irrationally. I’ve been there. I know what it feels like to lose control of your life and have it go spiraling out of control. You want to grab on to something real. Something familiar to stop it.”

Xander sat up. Willow wiped the tears from his face. “I reached for magic. You reached for Buffy. And neither was the answer to our problems. You love Buffy, but not in the way you think. It’s easier to love Buffy, than to face your fear of getting married, of growing up. Anya isn’t Buffy. She’s nothing like Buffy, except for the fact she’s a strong woman. The similarities stop there. Buffy accepts you for who you are. She doesn’t expect anything from you. Anya wanted a husband, a father for her children, a best friend. She wanted, no demanded everything from you. And don’t get me wrong, she had every right to expect those things from her fiance. But it was too much, wasn’t it? That‘s why you ran from the church. That‘s why Buffy seems so appealing to you again.”

Xander averted his eyes, not wanting to hear the truth. He had been so afraid for so very long. “I understand Xander. When Buffy died, I felt lost. She was the glue that kept us all together. And when she got back, she wasn’t the strong one anymore. She needed us. We didn’t see it. We expected her to be the same, but she wasn’t .” Willow lifted his chin up. “You’re mad at Buffy and Spike and Anya because they aren’t following the script you laid out for them. Buffy loves Spike. Spike loves Buffy. Anya knows all of this, and won’t let you believe otherwise. Think about what I‘ve said. I know you don‘t want to lose Buffy‘s friendship. I know you still love Anya. Make your peace with them, and move on.”

Willow sat back and watched Xander struggle with what she’d just told him. She didn’t know where the insight had come from. It just popped into her head. All of a sudden, she knew what was wrong with him. She understood the battle going on in his heart and mind.

Dawn watched Tara, knowing she was in a deep trance. She had felt the power coming off of her. How she felt it was a mystery to her. But she did. It was the same with the baby. She felt the energy contained inside Buffy’s belly. It was pure and good. She knew she would protect her niece with her life. She closed her eyes, seeing the white ball of energy nestled safely in her parents’ arms. Dawn turned over, sighing contently and went back to sleep.

Willow tried for three days to break into the Council’s protected files, and for three days she’d been stumped. The only information she’d been able to retrieve was the name of the Slayer, Martine Auberjonis and that of her Watcher, Charles Jayme.

“I’m sorry, Buffy. I’m afraid if I keep trying they’ll become alerted to my presence.” Willow apologized, closing her notebook and powering down.

“That’s okay, Will. I know you tried. At least, we have a name. That’s more than we had.” Buffy shook the mustard, and squirted a liberal helping on her eggs. Willow tried not to gag, as Buffy stirred the gooey mess. Yesterday, Buffy’s cravings had kicked in, and the house was still reeling from last night’s dinner. Even Spike, had been grossed out, and he drank pig’s blood everyday.

Willow turned away, took a deep breath, and tried to force the bile back down. “Buffy, remember our conversation about Giles? I don’t think you can put it off any longer.”

Buffy wiped her mouth. “I know. I just thought your mega-brain would be able to crack the security system and I’d have more time.”

“We really need his help, Buffy. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think there was a way to find the info we need.”

Buffy pushed her plate away, getting up from the table. She missed seeing Willow with her nose pinched, pushing the plate of runny eggs and mustard far away from her line of sight.

Buffy held the cordless in her hand, staring at the numbers. Willow came up behind her, and guided her to the sofa. She put her arm around Buffy’s shoulder. “You can do this. I’ll be right here.”

Buffy took a deep breath, and pushed memory one. She glanced at the clock. It would be evening in London. She secretly hoped Giles was out, but as luck would have it, he answered on the 4th ring.

“Hullo.” Giles said in his crisp British accent.

“Giles, it’s me, Buffy.” She said. God, her voice sounded shrill to her ears.

“Buffy, how good of you to call. I was just thinking of ringing you and Dawn up. To see how things were going.” Giles smiled appreciatively at Olivia as she handed him a cup of Earl Grey. “Is everything okay with Dawn?” Giles inquired when the silence on the phone became too much.

“Uh, Dawn’s fine. Getting better everyday. It’s me. I’m calling about me.” Giles sipped his tea and waited patiently. She’s probably calling to tell me she’s sleeping with Spike. He laughed, then dismissed that as being too farfetched. He hoped she wasn’t about to lose the house.

“What is it, Buffy? You’re starting to scare me.” Giles sat up straighter. He moved to put his tea on the coffee table, when Buffy blurted out. “I’m pregnant with Spike’s baby.”

The teacup crashed to the floor in a hundred pieces, tea splattering all over his late mother’s rugs. “Oh, dear Lord!”

Fathers

Ch. 10

Buffy cringed as she heard Giles cursing. “What’s wrong, Rupert?” A clearly feminine voice asked.

“Buffy, I know I misunderstood. Did you say you were pregnant with Spike’s baby?” Giles took his glasses off, and rubbed them with his handkerchief. He must have misunderstood. There was no way possible Buffy could be pregnant.

“Yes.” She said, simply.

“Yes. Is that all you’re going to say, Buffy? You’re having a baby. Spike’s child, no less, and that’s all you’re going to say?” His voice had risen with each word.

“But it’s impossible for you to get pregnant.” Giles blurted out unintentionally.

“Impossible?” Buffy croaked. “What do you mean impossible?” Buffy felt sweat starting to form on her brow. Willow reached out and placed her hand over Buffy’s clenched fist.

“Ah, Buffy, I didn’t meant that the way it sounded. I meant it is impossible for Spike to have children. He is after all a vampire.” He attempted to brush off his comment, but Buffy wouldn’t let him.

“That’s the second time you’ve lied to me, Giles. Why? What aren’t you telling me?”

Willow knew it was bad. Buffy was trembling so much, Willow was afraid she’d go into shock.

“Buffy, the important thing is to discover how this pregnancy occurred and its ramifications.” Olivia set the bottle of Scotch down next to his glass.

“Giles, that ramification is a baby, my baby. If you know something, you have to tell me.” She pleaded. Buffy heard him sigh, and she could imagine he was busily scrubbing his glasses.

“I’m sorry, Buffy.” Giles began. His words laced with guilt and sorrow. “I never thought I’d have to have this conversation with you. And if I did, I sincerely hoped you’d be happily married.” Oh, god, Buffy thought. The baby is going to bring about an apocalypse. She turned to Willow, her entire body tense and worried.

Better to say it quickly, Giles decided. “Slayers are supposed to be barren, Buffy. You were never meant to conceive a child.” He waited, fearfully for her to speak. He began to worry. “I’m so sorry.”

Is that all? Buffy let out the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. She wanted to shout for joy. Then the implication of what he’d just told her sank in. Oh, god, this baby was never meant to be. Buffy felt sick. She dropped the phone and ran to the bathroom, heaving as she slammed the door.

“Giles, what did you say to her?” Willow demanded.

“Willow, what in the world is going on there? Where‘s Buffy?” Olivia put her hand on Giles’ arm. She pried his glasses out of his hand, before he broke them.

“She’s in the bathroom. Giles, tell me what’s going on?” Willow stood outside the bathroom, listening to Buffy.

“I told her something I hoped never to tell her. It’s not only vampires that are infertile, slayers are too.” Giles rubbed his eye with his free hand, wondering why the Powers would punish Slayers like this.

“Oh, my goddess, Giles. Why didn’t you tell her sooner? She had a right to know.” Willow laid her hand on the door, her heart going out to Buffy. She stepped away, not wanting Buffy to hear her ream Giles out.

“Yes, Willow, that would have been the perfect thing to tell a teenager.” Sarcasm was ugly to him, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t need a morality lesson from Willow.

“I’m sorry, Willow. It’s just a lot to take in. Is Buffy okay? Have there been any side effects to this unexpected pregnancy. Oh, Lord, she’s been sleeping with Spike. How long has that been going on?” He really was too old for this.

“I’ll give you the short version. Buffy needed us. We weren’t there for her, and Spike was. She was dying, and we didn’t notice. Spike did. They became involved sexually. She got pregnant. Now, we need to discover how this happened before the baby is born, sometime in the fall. Can you help?” Surprisingly, Willow wasn’t anxious.

“What have you discovered so far? I’m assuming Buffy didn’t accept this as easily as you recounted the last few months of her life.“ He was calming down, thanks in no small part to the Scotch he was imbibing.

“We discovered there was slayer before the French revolution that was involved romantically with a vampire. They had a child.“

“Who told you that? I’ve never heard anything of the sort mentioned by the Council.” He knew the Council had their secrets, but this was too big to keep under wraps.

"Anya told us. She remembered hearing about her. I broke into the Council’s records and found a reference to a Martine Auberjonis and her Watcher, Charles Jayme. When I tried to access his records, I got bounced from the system.”

Giles tried to remember where he’d heard the name Charles Jayme before, but it escaped him. “Willow, the Council is very particular about who sees what. I’m surprised you weren’t able to use my code to open the file, though.” Even being a rogue watcher, as he was considered by some, he still had a high clearance status. It should have opened most files in the archives.

“I couldn’t.” She explained. “It was really weird. It let me get as far as his name, then whammo! It locked me out. There must be something really interesting in his diary if they wouldn’t let me take a peek at it.”

“You’re probably right. I’ve heard that name, Jayme, before, but I can’t recall where. As I see it, obtaining his diary is only one part of the problem. You need to discover how this child was conceived. Have you checked the Dargonian book of Fertility spells?” Giles asked as he mentally reviewed the collection of books at the Magic Shop.

“Tara ordered a book of fertility spells, but so far, there hasn’t been anything that would explain this baby.” Willow struggled with her next question. “Giles, do you think my resurrection spell could have caused this? I mean, I know Tara rechecked the spell for Buffy, and found that it didn’t do anything more than alter some of Buffy’s cells. There has to be a link between Buffy’s pregnancy and her resurrection.

Giles wished he could tell Willow that there was no connection between her spell and Buffy’s child, but he couldn’t.

“Willow, you used some powerful, dangerous magicks to bring Buffy back. There are always consequences. Some visible and some not. I do agree with Tara, though. I found nothing to indicate your spell would alter Buffy in a way that would be harmful to her. That’s not to say your spell didn’t harm Buffy. Obviously, Buffy has struggled with her rebirth. She’s been detached and apathetic. She turned to Spike for comfort.”

Giles took a deep breath and continued. “Willow, there is nothing you can do to change what’s happened. And to be honest with you, I’d rather have Buffy alive and pregnant with a vampire’s child, than dead to us. So, stop beating yourself up and get back to the situation at hand.”

Willow smiled into the phone. “Thank you, Giles.” She looked up and saw Buffy coming out of the bathroom. “Giles, Buffy’s back. I’m going to let the two of you talk. I’ll call Anya and see if she still has that book.”

“All right, Willow. If she can’t find it, I’ll look through my shelves to see if I brought it back with me. Take care. We’ll talk soon.”

Willow handed Buffy the receiver, and ran upstairs to call Anya from her cell phone.

“Sorry, I bailed. This baby has reduced me to a big ol’ bundle of raw nerves.” Buffy curled up on the sofa, her back resting against the pillow.

“That’s quite all right, Buffy. I’m sorry I never told you the truth. There was never a good time to tell you something of this nature.”

“I know Giles. I suspected that was the case. I hoped it wasn’t true, but deep down I knew having a child wasn’t really possible.” Buffy said sadly.

“Well, nevertheless, you are having a baby. And we will find out how this happened.” Giles vowed. “But on to more pleasant thoughts, how many months are you?”

“10 weeks. We think I conceived shortly before my birthday.”

“Oh,” Giles stated. It’s been going on for some time now. He thought.

“I know you’re not too happy about it being Spike’s.” Buffy said, picking up on the transcontinental vibes.

Giles sipped his Scotch while he contemplated his young charge. “I don’t know what happened while I was gone, so I can’t judge. Willow told me some of what occurred. I left you when you needed me most, and if Spike was able to provide you with some measure of comfort, then I’m eternally grateful to him. I can’t say I approve of Spike, but I do respect what he’s done for you and Dawn. For all of us, really." Disliking Spike was a knee-jerk reaction, but he knew Spike had changed. He'd witnessed it himself over that awful summer.

"I know what he’s done, and I’ve always suspected Spike has a higher purpose than even he suspects. He's earned my respect. He stayed when he didn’t have to. He fought beside us when he could have left Sunnydale behind. More importantly, he protected Dawn. That kind of devotion in a supposedly soul-less creature is a rare quality indeed.”

Buffy was teary-eyed by the end of his speech. “Thank you for saying that. It means a lot to me. When this thing with Spike started, I thought it was a one-time thing. Something I could easily walk away from. Chalk it up to bad judgment.”

“But it was more, wasn’t it?” Giles asked. The thought of Buffy and Spike having relations sickened him, but that would be the case with any of them. He coughed to cover his embarrassment. He and Buffy usually avoided anything pertaining to her sex life, but this time it was necessary. For all extensive purposes, he was her father. And she needed him to hear and understand what this relationship and Spike meant to her.

“It was so hard. I didn’t want to have feelings for him. I was worried what you’d think, what everyone would think.” Buffy laid her hand over her stomach. “I care about him a lot, Giles.” She admitted, reluctant to discuss Spike when he wasn’t around.

“I mean this is Spike. Even when we hated each other, he always understood me. He gets me. I get him.” Buffy shrugged.

Giles understood too. In a way, he’d always known their mutual passion for each other would lead to this. He wanted to be supportive, but he had to know. “Are you happy Buffy?”

Buffy couldn’t keep the silly grin off her face or the lilting tone out of her voice. “Yeah, I’m good on all counts, Giles. I’m happy. Finally, completely happy. He’s everything to me. Friend, lover, companion. Everything. When I’m not with him, I feel a little less than myself. I know that phrase ‘he completes me’ is so cliché. But now that we’re back together, no holds barred, it’s true. I feel whole. I finally get it.”

The depth of emotion he heard from Buffy moved Giles. She was a vibrant, young woman, but her calling had shadowed her life. Listening to her speak, it finally made sense to Giles what had been missing from Buffy’s previous relationships: Acceptance. Acceptance of everything that makes her who she is. For the simple joy, he sensed in her, he would silence his doubts and support this relationship.

“I’m thrilled Buffy. You deserve every bit of happiness. Your child is truly a miracle. To come from parents that have both been reanimated, it's really amazing." Giles said excitedly, easily slipping into his Watcher role. Giles realized Buffy was giggling softly into the receiver. Impudent child. He cleared his throat again, and asked. "How does Spike feel about the prospect of fatherhood?”

Buffy laughed lightly before answering. “Well, Spike’s read every Dr. Spock book he can get his hands on. He forces me to eat vegetables and drink plenty of water. He sends me to bed when he sees the first yawn. I would say he’s handling it quite well. It’s still a bit of a shock to him. Sometimes, I catch him staring at my stomach. He’s stunned by what’s going on inside me. His favorite thing to do is to lie next to me, listening to the baby’s heart beating.”

They sounded like any typical young couple expecting their first child. Good for them. Giles thought. “Can you think of anything out of the ordinary that has happened to you, and Spike, really, that could have caused you both to become fertile?”

“I’ve done nothing but rack my brain trying to remember. We were together when I was invisible, and then again when time went wonky. Other than those two incidents, nothing that’s happened to me can be directly tied into Spike.”

“Buffy, did you say you were invisible?” Giles asked flabbergasted. “When did this happen?”

“Uh, well, about 3 months ago, I was hit with invisibility ray. It started to break down my molecular structure, but I didn’t know it at the time. I was too busy, ah, um, with Spike.” She said, her cheeks flush.

“I get the point, Buffy. You said time went wonky. What was that about?” Can this conversation get any worse? Giles thought sullenly.

“Well, Warren, they guy that made the Buffybot, framed me for the murder of his ex-girlfriend, Katrina. He used some reality-shifting demons to make me think I was the one who killed her. It was like a time loop. Things kept happening over and over till I hit someone who looked like Katrina. When everything stopped spinning, Katrina was dead.”

“Good lord, Buffy, why didn’t you call me?” He shouldn’t have left. Maybe, none of this would have happened if he’d been there to guide her.

“I couldn’t Giles. After what I did, I didn’t want to think about it.” Buffy said cryptically.

“Buffy, you didn’t kill that girl. Warren did.” Giles gently reminded her.

“I know, but I tried to kill Spike.” Buffy admitted.

“What?” Giles screeched.

“Spike tried to keep me from turning myself in to the police. He tried to make me see reason in his own way. He didn’t understand why it hurt so much inside. He wanted to understand. He wanted to know how he could help the woman he loved.” Buffy swallowed past the lump in her throat.

“When he said that, I saw red. How could he love? He doesn’t have a soul, but he loves me. And I hated him for that. Hated myself more for wanting him to love me. So I did what I do best, I beat him. I hit him and hit him until my hand hurt. By the time I stopped, I didn’t recognize him. He had the bruises for weeks.” Buffy felt the shame weighing her down.

“You know what really freaked me out Giles. I felt like Faith. She hated herself. When she body switched with me, she beat me, and said the same words to me that I said to Spike.” .

“Buffy, I don’t know what to say. I failed you.” Giles could have kicked himself for not realizing how much pain Buffy had been in. “I‘m a pompous ass. Buffy smiled at that analysis.

“Giles, you haven’t failed me. You’ve always been there when I needed you.”

“I wasn’t this time, was I? I thought you were shirking your responsibility to Dawn. Instead, you were barely hanging on."

Buffy sat up, drawing her knees up. "No, you were right to leave. I needed to grow up. You were right. I didn't want to be responsible for anyone. It was easier being dead. I had let it all go, and being forced back was hard. I should have been honest and told the truth. I was angry they ripped me out of heaven. I didn‘t ask them to do it. I wasn‘t happy. I should have said something, instead I kept it all inside."

Buffy paused a minute to collect her thoughts. "You know what I've learned from all of this. I can't be afraid to ask for help. I was drowning, and instead of accepting the help offered to me, I pushed everyone away. I may be the Slayer, but I‘m not all-powerful. I‘m going to need help at times, and not just for fighting, but for the really hard stuff, like life."

Giles thought that Buffy was being too kind in letting him off the hook. "I'm glad you've realized that Buffy, but as the only other adult in your life, I should have been there for you."

"Phooey, I say. You're here now. I need you Giles. My child will need you. She’s going to need a grandfather, and you're my dad." Olivia watched as Giles pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and reached for his glasses. She knew the depth of love he felt for his Slayer. He loved her like the daughter he never had.

"Well, I'll do my best by her, Buffy." Giles said gruffly. "I know you will." Buffy said. She, too, overcome with emotion.


Willow bounced down the stairs to tell them Anya had discovered a text, which made reference to two warriors. Spike had the book and was working on translating it. Buffy excitedly relayed the information to Giles, who suggested having Spike give him a call if he ran into any difficulties. Buffy promised to call him as soon as they found something on their end.

“So did Anya say anything else?” Buffy asked as they climbed the stairs to get their purses. “Did she have any luck finding anything on Martine Auberjonis?”

“No, nothing new on that front.” Willow slipped into her room and picked up her keys and bag. She stepped into Buffy’s room to find her sitting on the bed staring out the window.

“Anya and Spike think the two warriors refer to Martine and her lover? This could be big, Willow. If we knew what happened in their case, we’d be one step closer to finding out what happened with me?” Buffy looked down and pulled a piece of clothing from under her thigh.

Willow gasped when she saw it. ”Oh Buffy, that’s gorgeous. Where did you find it?”

The tiny sweater was white with lace on the collar and sleeves. It was obviously hand-made. “It used to be mine. Spike found it in a box of baby clothes in the attic. Can you believe I was ever this small?”

Willow fingered the little sleeves reverently. “This is absolutely beautiful, Buffy. The baby is going to look so cute in this.”

“Yeah, she will.” Buffy folded the sweater and placed in on the bed next to Mr. Gordo.

“I swear Spike’s more emotional these days than I am. He cried when he saw it. He tried to pretend it was dust, but I knew better. The Big Bad is going to be such a pushover to this kid.”

Buffy locked the house up tight, making sure to check for any signs of Warren and his friends. The last few days had been quiet on the nerd front, which put Buffy on edge. Warren was liable to strike at anytime and at anyplace. She wouldn’t be able to hide her pregnancy for much longer. They had to find Warren sooner, rather than later.

Buffy smiled to herself watching Willow tap her fingers to the beat of the song. Things were starting to return to normal around the Summers' house again. Normal again? Hah, right. Things would never be normal around 1650 Revello, but it would be nice not to have all the fighting and anguish of the last few months. Buffy wanted a peaceful house for the baby to live in, which brought her back to Willow's question from the other night. Spike moving in. Did she want him to? They were at a nice, even keel right now. Would living together, being together 24/7 cause problems in their relationship? What Buffy knew for certain was she wanted Spike to be there for their child. But they couldn't live together without being married. Social Services would designate her an unfit guardian, and take Dawn away. Neither she nor Spike wanted that, but what could they do?

“Dum Dum de Dum! Dum Dum de Dum!” Her mind sang.

Oh, hell no. No way! Uh, uh. Not going to do it. Why not? It taunted. You are carrying his child. He loves you. You love him, even if you're too much of a chicken to say the actual words. Nothing is going to change how you feel about each other, so why not make it legal? Marriage? Her parents had pretty much jaded her to the institution. She knew there were successful marriages, but Spike as her husband. The thought wasn't as unpleasant as she would have thought. They were tied to each other. Their child would always bind them to one another.

Buffy stroked her stomach, daydreaming about the other night. She'd awaken from a deep sleep to see Spike staring at her stomach. She strained to hear what he was saying. She got choked up listening to him tell the baby how much he loved her. It was times like these that made her realize what an unique creature he was. Her hand drifted to his hair. He looked up, his eyes shining with unshed tears and love, always love for her, and now for their child.

"Buffy. Earth to Buffy." Buffy turned to Willow, distracted. She blushed, realizing Willow had been talking to her and she'd completely ignored her. "Sorry, Will."

"Hey, don't. I get spacey thinking about Tara, too."

"Am I that obvious?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, but don't worry. There may be a few demons out there that don't know." Willow chuckled as Buffy groaned.

"How did this happen, Will? I tried so hard for it not to happen, and it did any way. Even when it was bad between us, I wanted him."

“TMI, Buffy! TMI! I don’t think I’m old enough to hear this.” Buffy playfully swiped at her.

"Seriously, Buffy, we can't choose who we love. We just do, and sometimes it's beautiful and pain-free, and other times it's hard work and it hurts. Doesn't mean it isn't love?" Willow stopped the car in front of the Magic Box. She turned to Buffy with her serious face on. "Buffy, you do love Spike, don't you?"

Buffy nodded her head. "Yes. So much so it hurts."

“I haven’t heard you talk like that since Angel.” There was no point in pretending Riley was anything other than the transitional guy. Buffy never felt the same passion with him that she obviously felt with Angel, and now Spike. “I’m really happy you found that love again.”

“It’s way different from Angel. It’s more than just sex. It’s more than just friendship. To be honest, Will. I don’t think there are words to describe what I feel for Spike. Love seems too cliché.” Buffy shrugged.

“I totally understand Buffy. I feel the same way about Tara. It’s more than love. It’s everything.”

Buffy reached across the seat and gave Willow's hand a squeeze. Buffy had missed their talks.

"Thanks, Willow.” Buffy grinned mischievously. “You know, I think I’ll see how Spike’s research is going.” Buffy opened her door and hopped out.

“Research. Is that what they‘re calling it these days?“ Willow answered returning Buffy’s grin.

“What? We can be in a room and actually get something done?

Willow snickered. “Okay, with our clothes on, Ms. Potty Mind.“

“Do you think it's safe to be walking to the cemetery by yourself, Buffy?” The golden rule these days was to traveling together.

“I’ll go through the sewers. I just hope I don’t mess up my boots or there will be hell to pay.”

 

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