Faith has been in the Summers home for all of 10 hours and 47 minutes.
That’s 10 hours and 47 minutes too long for her, but she’s determined
to stick it out. There are so many of them. She hadn’t really thought
about what that meant when Willow told her that the remaining Potentials
were living there. She anticipated being uncomfortable around the usual
gang plus a few extras. But this is more than a few and these girls
look at her like she’s a freak. ‘The Other Slayer’ is what they whisper
when they think she isn’t in earshot.

She wonders how much they’ve been told. And also what’s up with the little
scene she’d witnessed earlier.

A bunch of the slayer-ettes are gathering in the living room,
chattering away like schoolgirls. Someone’s made coffee and the girls have
downed it, citing the need to stay alert in case the First decides to
strike. Faith wanders around downstairs, looking around for a place to
hide…or…get some peace and quiet. Being around this many people has her on
edge. She’s desperate for a cigarette.

Spotting the basement door, she looks around quickly to see if anyone’s
watching her. Certain that no one is, she slips inside and closes it
behind her as she descends the steps. When she reaches the bottom, she
pulls out a cigarette and lights it, inhaling the smoke like a drown
victim inhaling oxygen. It’s a lifeline. She slouches against the basement
wall, closing her eyes and shaking her head at the absurdity of it all.

Her. Out of jail. Helping the people she’d once tried to kill save the
friggin’ world.

“Canna bum one?” A voice from the shadows startles her. She recognizes
it though, and instantly her mask comes on. “Or are you looking to be
alone in the dark?”

Faith peers under the banister to find the platinum blonde lounging on
a cot against the wall. He is shirtless. What little light there is in
the room enhances the contours of his musculature.

She allows herself a moment to absorb the vision before she gets up
and saunters over to him offering her own cigarette. When he accepts it,
she lights another one for herself. She walks back to the staircase, an
exaggerated sway in her hips, and leans against one of the support
beams facing Spike.

“This where they’re keeping you?” She asks with a curl of her lips,
indicating the room with a wave of her hand. Spike exhales a plume of
smoke and sits up, leaning his back against the wall to face her more
fully.

“You could call it that. I do feel…kept.” He smirks. Faith snorts.
There’s a long silence as they size each other up.

“How’d you get roped into wearing a white hat; your chip?” Faith levels
her gaze in his daring him to lie.

“Know ‘bout that, do ya?” He rolls his eyes and reaches over to a milk
crate to retrieve his makeshift ashtray. Faith nods. “Chip’s out,” he
says tapping off some ashes. He doesn’t look up to see Faith’s reaction.

“Hunh. And I take it B knows and approves?” She raises her eyebrows.

“Yeah, she’s the one ‘ad it taken out.” He studies her out of the corner of his eye.

“Really. Well, wonders never cease. What brought on that bout of
goodwill?” Faith’s curiosity is infinitely piqued.

Hmmm...William the bloody without his leash.

“Was killin’ me.” Spike’s voice quiets and he lowers his eyes to
the blanket in contemplation. “Slayer was given a choice. She chose me.”

It still amazes him that Buffy places her trust in him. Faith notices the change
in his demeanor and crosses over to him. He looks up as she approaches
and, seeing that she intends to sit, moves over to give her room.

“Well bully for you, Spikey. Finally got B to cut you a break.” She
smiles at him, taking a drag off her cigarette. He smiles back noting how
different Faith is from His Slayer. He watches her devour the cigarette
with full, red lips. They study each other for a few moments, both with
ever-widening smiles.

“Y’know...Buffy’s told me a lot ‘bout you. Last I heard, you
were…away.” He says, breaking the silence. Faith snorts and puts out the last of
her cigarette in the ashtray.

‘Yeah. Got sprung. Time served. Needed for the big fight and all.” She
roams her eyes around the room before coming back to Spike’s.

“Ah, but you were never really locked down to begin with, were you? Could’ve gotten

out anytime.” It’s Spike’s turn to dare her to lie.

“Yeah, well...” Faith squirms a little until the scrutiny. “Figured I had a coolin’ off
period coming to me. Got a little wild for my own good...or anyone else’s for that matter.”

“Yeah...know what that’s like.” He tips his head towards the chains hanging from the wall.
Faith smirks seductively.

“Ohhhhh...and here I thought those were for...recreation.” She grins, biting her bottom lip. Spike laughs and shakes his head.

“I got...dangerous...for a while. Not anymore, though.” She tips her head in tribute. “So…” He doesn’t want to let her get off that easily.

“I'm not the only one on a reprieve?” She shakes her head slowly at his question. “And how’s it workin’ out for you?” Faith pulls her legs up onto the cot and crosses them under her.

“I’ll let you know later. I have some...tension...to work off first.”
She gives him a wicked smile as she rolls her head around on her neck.
“Bein’ around a bunch of girls all the damn time does things to ya.” He smirks and laughs under his breath, watching her out of the corner of his eye.

“Yah, I guess it would.” He smiles, his eyes downcast so that he cannot see the blood pumping at the base of her neck at a furious pace.

“You have no idea. Man, God help the dude that takes a crack at me first. He may not be able to walk for weeks!”

Spike laughs with her, noticing how flush her skin has become. He can
smell the beginning of her arousal. Faith pulls back a bit though, not
sure whether she wants to toy with him or not. She decides to change the
subject and see if she can get any information out of him about the
situation upstairs.

“Things seem pretty tense around here, and I'm not talkin’ about the
end-of-the-world kinda tense.” Faith is itching to get the dirt on Buffy and Giles.
The last time she’d seen them, they’d been more like father and daughter. Now

they seem like they can barely stand to be in a room together. Spike
groans and finishes his cigarette, stumping it out in the ashtray.

“That is a long story an’ I think I’d better let Buffy tell you.” He brushes some stray ashes from his lap.

“Oh c’mon. I won’t tell anyone…spill.’ She playfully runs her tongue along her teeth. Spike wonders if she uses sex for everything. She’s a beautiful girl and a dangerous one. It’s a refreshing combination. It would be tempting if his heart weren’t spoken for. Still, his lips curl in response.

“Let’s jus’ say…a lot’s happened since you’ve been away.” He smiles knowingly.

“Yeah well some things don’t change.” Faith leans back on her arms which causes her
chest to push out a bit and exposes a bit of her toned stomach. Spike’s

eyes dart to her…endowment…and then back to her face and his smile widens.

She tilts her head to the side, grinning.

“Some changes would surprise even you, I think.” His eyes glitter in the low light and his voice lowers a few octaves.

“Yeah?” She breathes. “Name one. Looks to me like not-so-little Dawnie’s still a brat, Giles is still made outta tweed even with the change to corduroy, Xander’s…Xander and Willow…well Will is a surprise. She’s filled out nicely. Probably got a few tongues wagging her way.”

Spike laughs out loud this time.

“Oh, you have no idea!” His shoulders shake. Faith arches an eyebrow.

“So spill. You’ve been here for all the chapters, right?” Spike nods. “So what’s the dilly?”

“Again, waaay too much for me to be the one t’ tell ya, luv.”

“O…K,” Faith tries a different approach. “How about this: I saw somethin’ interesting before we left LA. You just tell me if I'm barking up the wrong tree, deal?” Spike nods, his eyebrow arching. “Will and Fred, this chick back in LA…helps Angel out…anyway, either I've really been inside the joint too long or there was some serious flirtage going on with them right before we left.” Spike just smiles. “Nooo WAY!” Faith laughs and Spike does too. “Wow…damn, girl. You go.”

“Yeah, ‘ave to say I was pretty surprised when I found out m’self, and I didn’t even know Red then…not really.” Faith is still shaking her head.

“Well, that’s it for me. My whole shit is blown away. If someone had told me 4 years ago that she’d be into chicks, I would’ve died from laughin’ so hard.” She shakes her head again in disbelief. “She got a girl?”

Spike stops laughing slowly and his mood darkens a bit.

“I think she’s got something wiv’ the bossy chit…you’ll meet ‘er later.” He lowers his voice and Faith catches it.

“Whassup? You don’t like the S.O.?”

“There…was another... Her first, I think. Sweet bird too.” Spike smiles a little as he plays with a bit of the blanket. It’s pained. Faith lowers her voice and her eyebrows knit a little.

“So...what happened?” She asks softly, her eyes darting to the steps to make sure they are still alone.

“Some asshole shot her. Right ‘ere in the house. In front of ‘er. Red.” Spike’s jaw clenches as the anger over such a senseless death still haunts him; especially the knowledge that he hadn’t been there to help prevent it, as well as why he hadn’t been there. He takes a deep, unnecessary breath.

“Shit.” It’s a whisper. “Wow…man, that’s...harsh. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t want you to tell me.” Faith shakes her head again, tossing her dark hair and runs her hands down her arms as if fighting a chill.

“Yeah.” Spike smoothes his hair back roughly. “Got pretty scary from what I gather.”

“What, you weren’t around?” She looks at him confused. A dark cloud passes over his

face.

“No.” He doesn’t elaborate. Faith doesn’t push it.

“So…it can’t all have been doom and gloom. Anything delicious happen?” She smiles mischievously. “Something I can use against B? She get drunk at a party and finally let her hair down with some guy?” Spike laughs unexpectedly and Faith grins confused.

“You have been away.” Spike smirks knowingly to himself.

“Wait, you mean miss high-and-mighty gets down-and-dirty with someone?” She feigns shock.

“Well…not so much lately…but yeah.” He picks some lint off his jeans, his smile growing.

“Fuuuuck.” Faith laughs. “I missed all the good shit.” A comfortable silence settles between the two of them, though they don’t take their eyes off one another. Spike is enjoying the brunette’s company and Faith is wondering whether or not to tell him about their other encounter. She decides to brave it.

“Y’know...” she leans towards him, resting her elbows on her knees. “We’ve met before.”

Spike arches an eyebrow at her.

“Yeah...met your fist a few times.” She laughs, but leans in closer.

“No, I mean before that.” She studies him, inches from his face and watches as the realization dawns on him.

“The body swap.” He squints his eyes at her, but his lips are curled in a smile. She nods and pulls back.

“So you remember that, do ya?” She grins.

“Not somethin’ a bloke’s likely to forget, pet.” He slips away from the wall, leaning forward to meet her at eye level.

“Oh yeah?” She whispers a bit anxiously.

“Somethin’ about riding me at a gallop till m’ legs buckle and m’ eyes roll up.” Faith unknowingly moistens her lips as she watches the words tumble from his. “Somethin’ about ‘avin’ muscles I've never even dreamed of that could squeeze me ‘til I pop like warm champagne...if I recall correctly.” Spike’s gaze has darkened as he watches the effects of his voice and the words wash over her. His tongue curls to the edge of his teeth playfully. He lets his eyes drift to her mouth, noticing the slight tremble of desire in her lower lip. There is a beat before he leans back against the wall and smirks at her.

“Gotcha,” he says and issues a grovel-like laugh. Faith exhales with a hiss and smiles, slapping him on the arm and returning his laughter. They’re both still laughing as the basement door opens and Buffy comes down the steps.

“Spike, you-“ she stops when she sees the pair sitting cozily on the cot. Spike shirtless; Faith in a wispy tank top and jeans. Faith leans back on her hands again, arching for Spike’s sake, as she turns her head to the newcomer.

“Hey, B. Spike’s been filling me in a bit on what’s been going on around here.” She smiles coyly. Buffy crosses her arms. She feels the jealousy rising and fights to keep the blood from rushing to her cheeks.

Spike sees the Slayers squaring off and silently enjoys the show. The dark one is using every trick in the book to get his attention. The light one is about to explode.

He smiles at Buffy.

“Aren’t you usually at work ‘bout now?” He tilts his head at her.

“I…uh…thought I’d cut back on my hours. Stay around here to-“ she looks pointedly at Faith. “-keep an eye on things.” Faith doesn’t miss the barb. She swings her legs over the side of the cot and stands up, stretching her fit body for Spike’s appreciation. She winks at him and heads towards the steps.

“I’m gonna go stretch my legs. Catch ya later Spikey...B” Faith brushesby Buffy as she heads upstairs. Buffy glares at Spike. He grins at her, but notices the blood rushing to her cheeks and ducks his head.

“Glad to see you two are getting along, Spikey.” She practically spits out the word. He has to refrain from chuckling.

“Jus’ talkin’, pet. She’s feelin’ a little lost in the herd.” He scoots to the edge of the cot and reaches for a t-shirt, roughly pulling it over his head. “Somethin’ you need?” Buffy’s breathing calms as her anger dissipates. She uncrosses her arms and walks over to the cot plopping down next to him. She watches the planes of his back move beneath the taut t-shirt. She drifts into memories momentarily, before his voice brings her back down to earth.

“Luv?” He turns towards her, concern showing in his face. “We really were jus’ talkin’.”

“I know.” I’d hoped. The basement door opens and Dawn appears at the top of the steps.

“Buffy...the girl – Shannon – she’s awake.” Buffy looks Spike in the eye,
silently thanking him, heads out to get information.

-----------------

Later that evening, Spike and Buffy sit on the back steps discussing their newest enemy...

“I wouldn’t worry too much about the seal, luv. Doesn’t seem it's attention ‘as been over there lately.”

“It’s not that...it’s this preacher guy. Caleb. I’m not sure what to do here. What could he have that’s mine?”

“Whatever it is, Buffy, we’ll get it back. Buffy stands up and begins pacing back and forth. “Do you have a plan?”

“I want to go over there, but it’s obvious that he’s waiting for me to do just that.” Spike stands up to interrupt her pacing.

“Whoa...” He takes her by the shoulders. “You really think that’s wise, goin’ over there not knowing what sorta set-up he has?” Buffy exhales deeply.

“I dunno, Spike...I mean...we might have the element of surprise on our side. And if we take only the best with us, divide into two fronts...”

“I see...well...I’m in, if you’re gonna do this. Who else were you thinkin’ of takin’?” He releases her and stands with his arms folded watching her assume her general’s role.

“Let’s see...you, me...Kennedy, um...the sorta blonde one...God, I don’t even know their names!” Buffy plops down on the steps in frustration. Spike sits beside her. “It must seem so harsh of me, not knowing their names. But- I-“

“Don’t wanna get too close? ‘fraid you’re gonna lose some of ‘em?” Spike’s voice is soft, empathetic. He’s seen the way she distances herself from the girls. He also believes this is the reason so many of them resent him now, especially Kennedy. He’s the right hand man.

“You’re my Number 1, Spike. I trust you. I know you can take care of yourself, but it
doesn’t mean that I don’t worry; that I’m not scared.”

Spike nods. “But these girls...they’re not ready. Not at all. How can I lead them to their own deaths?”

“Buffy...” He turns to her and takes her hands. “Pet...you’re not leading them to their deaths. You’re giving them a chance at survivin’ this whole mess. I mean- they were bein’ picked off one by one by those Bringer blokes ‘cause they’re a threat to the First, right?” Buffy nods. “So innit good that they’re here together, with you, to help turn this thing around? Gives ‘em a fightin’ chance. And they need you to lead them, luv. You’re the Slayer.” His fingers draw soft circles on the backs of her hands. She looks down at them, but she is lost in thought.

“I barely knew Chloe, Spike.” She looks up at him. “I mean I barely knew her name, even. There are a dozen Chloes in that house and I- can’t...” Spike takes her head in his hands and rests his lips in the hair just above her forehead.

“I know, pet...I know. You’re strong. You’ll do wha’s right. You’ll win. It won’t be easy and not all of us will make it, but you gotta believe, luv. You gotta.” He lets her go and she attempts to smile. “Let’s call everyone together and we’ll figure this thing out.”

---------------

Later that night Buffy takes a small army to the vineyard to confront Caleb. The result is a disaster as several Potentials lose their lives and Xander loses an eye. Buffy seems powerless against this new threat. And Caleb seems to take immense joy in toying with her.

Surveying the wounded at the hospital, something churns inside of Buffy. She hovers in the ward, seeing the injuries, hearing the moans and she feels...nothing. Empty. She walks over to the bed of her best friend and he looks at her with one eye. One eye!

Willow is sitting on Xander’s bed, holding his hand and Buffy wonders why she doesn’t feel the need to go sit on the other side. She...just doesn’t feel anything.

Nothing.

She had been wrong, leading them in there like that. They weren’t prepared. And they’d all followed her like lemmings. Like lambs to the slaughter. And who the hell is she anyway?

The slayer?

She wants the tears to come, but they don’t.

She walks past Xander and heads out of the double doors, out of the
hospital and out into the night.

Alone.

Title: Canary in a Coalmine (Chapter 20 of Don’t Stop the Dance)
My version of some of the events during ‘Empty Places’ and ‘Touched’
I’ve put the ‘Empty places’ summary below up to the point where this chapter begins.

Previously on Buffy [snipped from UPN.com] : There's a mass exodus going on in Sunnydale. Using a little of her magical mojo, Willow helps Giles get information from the police on connections to organizations Caleb might have in California or elsewhere. Buffy drifts further and further away from the group, unable to deal with the sadness and loss. At the school she has another deflating encounter with Caleb. Giles sends Spike and Andrew to a mission in Gilroy to gather more information. After they leave, Faith gets inspired: she takes the girls out for a night on the town. A battered Buffy arrives home to find the house empty of everyone except Giles. They clash again over the subject of Spike when Buffy suggests he sent Spike on the search, hoping he'd be killed. She becomes even more irritated when she learns that Faith took the girls away to let off some steam. At the Bronze, Faith's party is crashed by the cops, there to cart her back to jail. However, they appear to have an ulterior motive when they throw her outside and aim their guns at her. While she's fighting them off, a cop with a big gun keeps everyone inside, until Kennedy steps up and disarms him. The rest of the girls rush outside to help and eventually defeat the cops-from-hell. Buffy arrives in a huff and sends the girls home, berating Faith for leading the "children" into danger. Faith counters that they aren't children, and that Buffy is the one who led them into danger at the vineyard, and look what happened then. Buffy slugs Faith and stalks off. Spike and Andrew with the help of a frightened priest, find out that Caleb came to the mission in search of a plaque that even the priests didn't know existed. When he found it, his temper exploded and he branded the priest, who ran and hid. When the man shows Spike the plaque, the Vamp translates, "It is not for thee, it is for her alone to wield." Later, back on Revello Drive...

The handmade ‘Welcome Home’ banner hangs limply in the archway. It seems to reflect the mood of everyone in the room as they all gather to show their support for Xander. He is visibly moved as he enters the house, glancing around the room at all of the frightened, wounded faces. ‘Sorry’ was what most of their eyes said. Lots of ‘sorry’.

“You guys...” He trails off as the tears threaten to spill again. They lead him to the armchair of honor and he offers weak smiles to the subdued crowd.

“Sorry it isn’t...more, y’know, festive.” Dawn says, smiling genuinely. It is hardest most of all for her to see Xander this way. Not long ago they’d had their chat about being the ‘normal’ ones in this group. When she had felt so left out, it was the ‘Xan-man’ that crashed her pity party and told her that they were special too; That not having super powers was ok because there are other things equally as important like friendship and love and support. How he must feel now, she thinks, now that he’s...

“Oh, I dunno Dawn. Being surrounded by a bunch of gorgeous girls does wonders for the walking wounded.” He smiles bravely. Arms hug him and hands pat him sympathetically as Buffy steps into the room.

Silence ensues as everyone waits for her to speak to her friend.

“We’re...really happy...to have you home, Xan.” Her voice threatens to break, but she bites it back. Instead she smiles as warmly as she can but at the sight of him looking up at her with the bandage...she has to look away. She clears her throat and decides that this is as good a time as any to get everyone back on track and focused. It’s then that she notices Robin to her right with Faith. Their eyes meet momentarily before he looks away.

“So...since most of us are here...I want you to know that I’ve figured it out.” Confused frowns dot the faces around the room. “I think we’ve been wrong all this time...a-about the seal. I don’t think it’s about the seal anymore.” She glances about the room at everyone’s expectant faces. They all look so worn, so broken. She knows that this is her fault. That she was the cause for Rona’s cast, for Xander’s...loss.

“W-well...what have you...er...concluded, Buffy?” Giles doesn’t look her directly in the eye, but he is addressing her with respect which is more than she can muster for him right now. Again, there’s obvious fatigue in his voice.

“We have to go back. To the vineyard.” She waits for the inevitable responses.

Groans, heads shaking. ‘No way.’ ‘Not going back there.’ ‘She’s nuts if-‘

“I know...” she interrupts the murmurs. “I know it didn’t...go well...last time, but that’s because we weren’t prepared. We know what we’re up against now. And I know we’re on the right track because Caleb is trying very hard to keep us out of there. He’s hiding something.”

“Look...Buffy...do you have any proof?” Willow asks. “Anything to go on other than your hunch?”

“No, Will...I-I-I don’t. It’s just...it hit me today, when I was confronted by Caleb.” Eyebrows arch and eyes sweep over her for signs of damage. “I’m fine...but I realized something.

“If it was all about the seal, why isn’t there a legion of Bringers over there protecting it? Why isn’t there any activity at all? We need to go back to the vineyard and take whatever it is he’s protecting. Tonight.”

“Wait, wait wait. I hear what you’re saying, B, and it’s a cool theory and all but do you really want us to go back over there fighting super-Padre without so much as a plan?” Faith’s question brings nods and whispers of assent from the group.

“Yeah,” Kennedy chimes in. “I don’t want to charge in there again unless we know for sure that something good is going to come out of it. I don’t mind risking my neck, but I need a real reason and not just some hunch.”

“Look-“ Buffy tries to counter.

“Right! Some of us don’t have slayer healing.” Rona chides. More assenting comes from the girls. Giles straightens up and faces Buffy.

“I really don’t think that it’s wise to go back there so soon with no evidence that it will accomplish anything. Your theory is half thought out at best and it simply isn’t worth the risk.” He does look her in the eye this time.

“Since when did you start questioning my instincts, Giles?” She turns to him. “Oh...I guess that would be about the same time you started trying to handle my problems for me.” Her jaw sets in anger. They glare at each other for a moment before she speaks again. “Where is Spike?” She narrows her eyes at him.

“He and Andrew are on a mission.” Giles’ flat tone poorly masks his indignation at his anticipated reaction from her.

“A mission.” Buffy’s heart is racing. She feels the fear building from her gut and she channels it into rage.

“Yes.” Giles stone-faces her, daring her to explode.

“Is this a mission he’s expected to return from...alive?” Her voice is remarkably steady as she glances over his shoulder briefly at Robin Wood. Wood swallows and sets his jaw before he looks away.

“Yes.” Giles snaps at her. His voice is clipped, bitter and so low as to only be heard by her. How dare she.
“He’ll be back, Buffy.” She let’s out an inaudible breath, trying desperately to hide her fear that those words may hold no truth whatsoever. She turns back to the group.

“Look...I am the Slayer here and I say that we do this.” She scans the group for a challenge.

“And why should we follow you?” Kennedy stands up and crosses the room to stand directly in front of her.

“Because I am your leader. I lead, you follow.” She turns to square off with Kennedy, her hands land on her hips.

“Well, I think that role needs to be reassessed.” Kennedy places her hands on her hips. Buffy is a little thrown off guard at the remark.

“What? What did you say?” She takes a step forward, her voice raspy. Willow, recognizing the tone and temperament, steps up next to Kennedy.

“Maybe you should back off, sweetie.” She says softly. Kennedy flinches and turns to her.

“Why are you always defending her?” She yells.

“I...I’m not.” Willows voice is soft but firm. She hesitantly looks at Buffy and then down and away. Dawn stands up and moves beside her sister. Her eyes are on Willow and the witch can feel them questioning her.

“You’re not? Will?” It’s a whisper as Buffy suddenly finds her voice missing.

“Faith’s a slayer too and I say she should be the one to lead us.” Kennedy gestures over to Faith who stands up with her hands in front of her in protest.

“Hold on...I ain’t no one’s leader. I’m just saying that we need to think of a plan before we go back over there all kamikaze.”

“No, Faith, I think we should consider handing things over to you.” Giles turns to the stunned girl but a hand on his arm stops him and he spins around into Buffy’s enraged face.

“You.” She hisses. “You did this...on purpose! You sent Spike away just for this, didn’t you? To fucking ambush me?” Her eyes are wide with anger, her hand tightening on his arm so much that he wrenches it free.

“You stupid little girl!” Giles spits out the words. There are gasps in the room.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Wood jumps up to them. “This isn’t about your vampire this is about you!”

“You don’t belong here, Robin, you need to leave. Now.” Buffy doesn’t take her eyes off of Giles.

“He’s not going anywhere, B. But I think you should get a grip on yourself before things get out of hand.” Faith steps closer to her and Buffy realizes that she is pretty much surrounded. Kennedy is inches from her left, Dawn from her right; Giles Faith and Robin in front. She steps back and takes a deep breath.

“You guys...I’ve been protecting you for seven years.” She looks around the room at all of them. “Seven years! I’ve fought and died and never once have I let anything happen.” Her eyes fall on Xander’s face as the last few words slip from her mouth. She stops. He smiles a grim smile.

“I’m trying to see your point here, Buff, I really am.” He leans his head to the side and squints his eye. “I guess it’s a little to my left.”

That hits her like a slap across the cheek. She looks around the room and sees not a single sign of support.

“So that’s it? I’m out and Faith’s in? Do you guys have any...“ A wave of fear and fatigues washes over her as her voice falters. “Do you know that I’m the only one that can...I’m right about this. I’m right!”

“No, we don’t know that Buffy.” Giles says calmly. “And we also don’t think you’re the only one. Faith is here now.”

“No offense but Faith doesn’t have the experience that I do.” She says exasperated.

“None taken, B, but you’re wrong. You’re not thinking straight. Now, I don’t wanna be a leader, but if that’s what everyone wants.” She looks around the room and everyone nods, everyone except Dawn who stands silently at Buffy’s side. “I’ll do what I have to do.”

Buffy is stunned. These people...her friends...her Watcher...turning against her.

“How can you expect me to stand by and watch you all die?” She says simply.

“Maybe you should leave.” Buffy turns at the sound of Kennedy’s voice. She looks to Willow who falls in line next to her new girlfriend.

“Will?” Buffy’s whisper is pleading.

“I think maybe you should. Go, Buffy.” Willow’s gaze doesn’t falter this time.

“You ungrateful bitch!” Dawn’s shrill voice startles everyone and all eyes fall on her as she backs up away from the group. “How could you say that? And you!” She turns to Giles. “How could you do this to her?” Her face is red with anger and her hands are clenched into tight fists. She is trembling.

“Dawn...i-it’s all right.” Buffy tries to calm her sister, but she is the next to receive the wrath.

“No! It’s not all right, Buffy! They’re traitors! They’re throwing you out of your own house. Out of my house!”

Buffy steps aside in defeat as Dawn sweeps her eyes across the group. “You’re the ones that don’t belong here!” Willow reaches for her, but Dawn slaps her hand away with a loud thwack.

“You want her out? Fine.” Buffy walks out of the front door without glancing back. “I’m going with her because I trust her. I know she’s right.” She follows her sister’s footsteps but turns before she walks out of the door. Slowly she meets the eyes of Willow, Xander, Faith and finally Giles for whom she summons particular venom.

“I hope you all fry in hell.” She growls out as she slams the door behind her.

The group glances around at each other unsurely. Giles takes off his glasses and nearly crushes them in his trembling hands. Tempers are running high and it’s a slow descent.

“Ding dong the witch is gone.” Rona sing-songs, breaking the silence.

“And she took Toto too.” Another voice chimes in. Willow turns to the pair, her nostrils flaring.

“Shut. Up.”

-----------------

Buffy is standing just in front of the house when Dawn comes up from behind. Tears are running down her cheeks unchecked, now, and the welcome sight of her younger sister brings the sobs from her throat. The girls hold each other, crying, as the front door opens.

“Buffy.” Faith cautiously approaches the pair and they break apart. Dawn glares; Buffy averts her eyes and focuses on the living room window.

“Buffy...I didn’t mean-“

“No. It’s all right. Really. There’s...” She wipes her face with her sleeve. “There’s a lot more going on than just you.” She looks at Faith now. “Promise me you’ll take care of them.”

Faith nods. “I’ll do my best...make you proud.” She attempts a smile.

“Their lives are in your hands now.” Another tear slips from her eye. Dawn squeezes her hand and leads her away. Faith goes back into the house to assume her new leadership.

-----------------

Buffy and Dawn walk down a neighboring street, Dawn’s arm is around her older but shorter sister’s shoulder. She notes the blank look in Buffy’s eye. Something was broken back there and she wonders if anyone can ever fix it. She hates them. All of them, but especially Willow, Xander and Giles.

The only cars on the street are being packed up by evacuees. Everyone knows that something big is coming, Clem had said, and it seems everyone is getting out of dodge. As they pass the houses, Dawn notices one front door ajar.

“Buffy...” She lets go of her sister and walks carefully up to the house. Peering inside the door she calls out. When no one answers she steps inside and looks around in the darkness. Buffy has slowly made her way up the walkway.

“Dawn?” She is startled when Dawn’s hand grabs her arm.

“I think the owners have moved out, Buffy, we can stay here.” Dawn smiles a bit and leads her sullen sister inside, flipping on a light. “Sit down and rest. It’s been a long day.” She closes the door and heads to the kitchen to rummage for some food. Just then, the power goes out. Buffy jumps off the couch.

“Dawn!” They literally bump into each other. “Ow. I thought something happened.” Dawn rubs her chin and walks over to the window.

“Looks like the power’s out all over. I guess it’s just another symptom of doom.” She attempts a chuckle. Buffy wanders around the living room, feeling for candles of some kind. Dawn feels her way back to the kitchen. Searching through the drawers, she finds a bag of votives from Ikea and a bunch of souvenir matchbooks. She lights a candle and places it on the counter. She then lights another one and walks back into the living room where Buffy has found a silver holder with a long taper in it. Dawn uses her votive to light the taper and soft shadows fill the room.

“That’s better.” She says. Buffy sighs. “Let’s explore.” Dawn and Buffy walk through the rancher and discover that it has two bedrooms. “Oooo. We won’t have to share tonight.” Dawn’s attempt at lightheartedness falls flat on Buffy.

Dawn pulls her sister along like a child from room to room. “Wow, this bathtub is so huge!” She lets go of Buffy’s hand and goes back into the kitchen. She returns a moment later with a handful of votives. “Let’s light these, place them around the tub here, and then I can draw you a nice hot bath. Whaddya say?” She looks expectantly at her sister.

Buffy looks into her face and smiles. She knows what Dawn’s trying to do. She is so grateful to have her and silently thanks the heavens that she was given this gift.

“Sounds like heaven, Dawn.” She smiles, but it’s weary.

“Great!” Dawn instantly perks up. She hands Buffy a votive and shoos her into the larger bedroom. “Get out of those clothes and I’ll run the water for you.” Buffy’s tired legs carry her into the master bedroom. It is modest, but comfortable; not unlike her mother’s room.

She slowly begins to undress to the sounds of the running water. Dawn walks in with a piece of dark fabric in her hands. “I know you don’t wanna run around naked, so you can wrap this beach towel around you, k?” Buffy nods her thanks.

She doesn’t remember ever being this tired. Her bones ache. Her muscles twitch. What she wouldn’t give to just sleep for a week. But then again she can, can’t she? She’s been relieved of duty. Dismissed. Discarded. Tears sting the back of her eyes again and she blinks them back.

“Buffy, the water’s ready!” Dawn’s voice travels through the air. “I’ll be in the other bedroom if you need anything.

“Thanks, Dawnie!” Thanks for not leaving me alone.

Buffy leaves the votive on the dresser since the candles in the bathroom throw a feint enough glow to guide her down the hall. When she steps inside, the smell of jasmine hits her. Dawn has put bubble bath in the water. She smiles and the tears begin. She backs out of the bathroom and find Dawn sitting in the other bedroom, staring out the window.

“Hey...you’re supposed to be soaking.” Dawn’s voice is quiet. Reflective.

“I just wanted to say thanks. And to tell you I love you. A-and I’m proud you’re my sister. I don’t think I say those things enough.” She gazes down at the beautiful young woman. Dawn’s smile lights up the room as she rises and walks over to her.

“I love you too, Buffy. We’ll be okay. And maybe when Spike gets back-“ she continues, but Buffy doesn’t hear her.

Spike. Where is he? Oh God, is he still alive?

As if reading her thoughts, Dawn takes her sister’s hands. “He’s fine, Buff. I don’t think Giles sent him away to die. He’ll be back.” She smiles. “I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes when he finds out...”

“It’s for the best, Dawn.” She stops her sister’s protests. “It is. Now get some rest. I’ll go take that bath.” Buffy gives Dawn’s hands a reassuring squeeze and she heads back into the bathroom and closes the door. She slips out of the towel and tentatively dips her toes into the water. The temperature is perfect as she glides in.

She can’t even remember the last time she’d been able to take a bath. It’s like coming home. The warmth of the water, the sweet scent of the bubbles and the candles flickering all around remind her of a time when everything was still right with the world. When she had the love of her friends, she could simply slay the bad guys and things made sense.

Now she is in a strange house, cast out from her own...on her own, with the world crumbling around her. At least she still has Dawn. After the distance that had been growing between them, Buffy wasn’t sure Dawn would stand by her. But they’ve repaired some of the damage over the last few days. In fact, there was a lot of healing done between her, Dawn and Spike recently. She had been happy that they were OK again. She wonders now how everything else around her had gone south. Willow. Xander. Giles. All hating her as they surely must to do this.

Has she been so blind? Was their faith and trust in her obliterated? Gone? Without a trace?

Buffy closes her eyes and lets the warm water wash the confusion and bitterness away for a little while. She’s not the One anymore. She’s no longer responsible. So why does she feel like she is?

---------------------

As soon as the engine cuts off, he can sense something’s off. Spike flips the kickstand down as he feels Andrew’s weight lift from behind him.

“Gotta pee...gotta pee...gotte pee...” The youngster dances his way into the house. “We’re back! And boy do we have a lot of news, but first...gotta pee.” With that he rushes up to the bathroom. Spike chuckles low as he shakes his head. He walks straight into the kitchen and notices a meeting going on. The air is immediately hushed, however, and all eyes seem to avoid him.

“Hey all. Where’s Buffy? I’ve got some information for her.” Spike addresses Willow who averts his gaze. He turns to Giles, his eyebrows questioning.

“She’s...” Giles begins.

“Out.” Faith continues.

“Yeah...she...uh...had to go out.” Willow stammers nervously.

“She went out.” He repeats. She nods. “Alone?” He asks. She nods again. “OK, so when’s she expected back?” All heads turn to one another, each looking for someone to speak up. Spike cocks his head and his eyebrow arches a bit more.

“Well...Spike...” Willow command of the English language is severely challenged, but she manages to get out the important details. “There was a....discussion and...it was decided...BUFFY...Buffy decided that it would be best if she...took...a break...right now.”

“A break.” Again Willow nods. “In the middle of a bloody apocalypse.” She nods again and looks to Giles for support. “You been practicing that speech long, luv?” He snarls at her.

“Spike,” Giles steps up. “It’s none of your concern where Buffy is. Now if you have info-“

“Oh shut the bloody hell up, Rupert!” Giles’ mouth hangs open in shock. Spike surveys the room dangerously, his eye lingering a long time on Faith.

“You’re a soddin’ ungrateful bunch of pathetic losers, the lot of you. A break, eh? Who do you fucking think you are?”

“Now you listen, Spike.” Giles hisses the name. “You have no right to come in here and dress us down. We’re at war-“

“There’s more than one war going on ‘ere, Rupes.” Spike levels his gaze at the Watcher. “This one’s about control. Innit? S’about who’s in charge. That’s it, isn’t it? The student has surpassed the teacher and you’ve no place here anymore.” He squints his eyes and sizes him up. “Pathetic.”

“All right, blondie, that’s enough.” Faith steps up as the two men square off.

“And you!” Spike turns to her. “You got just what you were after, din’t you?” Faith shakes her head to say no, but Spike continues. “You got ‘er house, you got ‘er friends and now you’ve got ‘er job. Must make you feel real good...stickin’ it to ‘er like that.”

“Shut up, you don’t know what you’re-“

“Oh I know! I most certainly do know.” Spike paces the length of the counter before turning back to Giles, Willow close behind him. “She’s done everything...all of it...to save your bloody lives. She’s killed for you. Died for you. Given up everything for you! She gave up her life! An’ I’m not jus’ talkin’ about her dyin’, I’m talkin’ about her life. She’s retreated from life so that she could be strong enough to protect you. And you lot...this is how you repay her? You sent her out there alone with Caleb on the loose?” At the mention of the Preacher, murmurs are heard. “Yeah, din’t think o’ that...did ya when you sent her out?”

“The time for lame speeches is over, pretty boy.” Faith attempts to assert her authority over the situation. “I think you’d better back the fuck off.”

“S’ that right?” He turns and faces her.

“Yep.” She smiles suddenly. “Don’t get me wrong, though, I think it’s kinda cute.”

“Cute.” His eyes narrow and he crosses his arms over his chest.

“Yeah, the way you stick up for her. Follow her around like a little puppy dog when she doesn’t even give you the time of day.” He tilts his head. “You think I didn’t notice that little display downstairs? You think because she’s a little jealous that she actually wants you? That wasn’t about you, lover, that was about history-”

“Faith.” Willow tries to interrupt.

“You think if you keep doin’ the good deeds, she’ll actually part her dimpled knees and invite you in?” Faith doesn’t see the hand until it’s too late and she lands hard against the counter. When she straightens up, Spike is glaring at her, his arms at the ready for her retaliation. “Yeah...just like she would do. Truth hurts, doesn’t it?”

“You wouldn’t know the bloody truth you stupid bint.” Spike’s voice is dangerously low. The group instinctively moves back as he and Faith face off again.

“Oh no, Spikey? Why don’t you tell me? Oh wait, let me guess...she loves you. Is that what you’re gonna say? God...you’re hot, but not too bright.”

This time she anticipates the blow and blocks it, bringing his arm down and forward as she knees him in the chin. He dances back a few steps and growls. When she lunges again, he is ready for her and tosses her into the hallway. Faith pulls herself up and fakes to his left, when he moves she punches him across the jaw, whipping his head around. When he resets, she punches him again, but he goes down and whips her legs from under her and she goes down. She kicks back up and swings her leg around catching him in the side. He doubles over for a moment, but catches her next blow and flips her over and into the wall.

He breaks off the fight and looks up at the group that has followed them into the other room.

“Where. Did. She. Go?” He asks Willow.

“I-I really don’t know, Spike.” She stammers, fear in her eyes. “But Dawn is with her.” Spike’s eyes widen and he turns and storms out of the house.

-------------------

It doesn’t take him long to track them down, especially since they haven’t gone far. His anxiety over telling her what he’s discovered is only outweighed by the rage that still buzzes through him over what had occurred in his absence.

He traces them to a nearby house. He heads quickly up the walkway and isn’t too surprised to find that he doesn’t need an invitation to enter. He quietly opens the door and steps inside.

Her scent is everywhere, as is Dawn’s. He walks silently through the house until he sees Dawn’s sleeping form on a small bed. Her legs are hanging over the side with her feet on the floor, but she is out cold. He lets his eyes scan over her for any signs of damage and there are none. He gently lifts her and places her properly on the bed, pulling the coverlet over her. He leans over and places a soft kiss on the forehead.

“’Night Niblet.” He smiles at her soft murmuring. Closing the door behind him, he scans the house for signs of Buffy. He hears water sloshing in the bathroom and knocks on the door.

“Buffy?” He keeps his voice low.

“Spike?” He hears the relief in her voice and tries to will the door open so that he can see her and see that she is OK. There are quick movements inside and then the door does open and what he sees takes his voice away.

Buffy is wrapped in a towel, her hair swept up in a crude ponytail. The light from half a dozen candles plays gently against her golden skin. There is the feint sheen of moisture on her from the bath. Her eyes, however, are red-rimmed from crying. Spike is broken out of the spell at that realization. He steps back and she silently walks past him and into the living room. When she settles onto the couch, he sits across from her on the coffee table.

“I don’t think whoever lives here would want you doing that.” She says with a small smile.

“Funny, I don’ think they’d want strange women bathin’ in their tubs, either.” She chuckles softly. All amusement leaves them both, however, when their eyes meet. Buffy immediately begins welling up.

“I went over there.” He says to let her know he knew. “Belted Faith a coupla times ‘n left.”

“You did?” She grins a little. “Doesn’t matter.” She says resignedly. “It’s over. I’m done.”

“What do you mean, done? I’ve got incredible news for you.”

“Yeah?” She says wearily. “What’s that?”

“You were right...’bout the vineyard. There is somethin’ there. Caleb’s tryin’ to keep it from you.” He looks at her expectantly, but there’s no response. She stares off into space. “I say we go in there tomorrow night and take it.”

“No.”

His brow wrinkles with confusion. “No?”

“No, Spike. I mean it. I’m done. Faith is the leader now. If you have information, you should give it to her.”
Spike becomes angry, suddenly. This isn’t the Buffy he knows.

“Bugger that!” He lowers his voice when he remembers Dawn. “I was over there, luv, they need you.” At his words, Buffy does look at him, her face perks up a bit.

“They do?”

“Yeah! ‘course they do...i-it-it’s a mess over there. They’re lost without you.” He hopes she doesn’t see through his exaggeration.

“Really?” She almost sounds hopeful.

“Oh, yeah. There’s no food in the house. N-no one knows where anything goes...” He gives up his tale at her deflated look. “I really didn’t see much, pet, but it doesn’ matter. You are their leader.”

“Was.”

“And you can be again. Take it back. They took it from you, we can take it back.” Buffy stands up and moves away from him.

“No, Spike, it’s over...I’m over. Done. Not needed. Not the One. And I’m tired...so tired.” Spike moves over in front of her.

“I now you’re tired, luv, but it’s not like you to give up.”

“Watch me.”

“Don’t you even want to know what I found? You were right luv. They need you and they don’t even know it!”

“You don’t understand...I can’t! I can’t do this. I don’t have what it takes.”

“Bullshit-“

“I can’t handle this power...this responsibility. I say the word and someone dies. Girls die, Spike, people lose body parts.” She is trembling now and the tears start to spill again. She crosses back over to the couch and sinks down, her head in her hands. “It wasn’t just Faith...it was all of them...and they were right.”

Spike exhales deeply and he resumes his spot on the coffee table. He reaches out to touch her, but hesitates and withdraws.

“If we jus’ tell ‘em, luv. If they could see that you were right, they’d fall in line. They’ll believe-“

“Why would they believe me?” She looks up at him with a face that devastates him. She isn’t going to go back. She isn’t going to fight unless he can make her see. “I don’t believe in me. You shouldn’t either, God! How are they supposed to believe in me when I pushed them all away?” She gets up again, but this time he doesn’t follow. He just watches her.

“I’ve always done that...push people away. I used the excuse of being the Slayer, not getting too close because I’d put people in danger. That’s just a cop out, though, and I know it. I was only protecting myself. I couldn’t stand to lose anyone...to hurt like...to hurt...”

“Like you did when Angel left. Like when your mom...” Spike finishes for her.

“Yes.” She whispers, the tears falling in droplets from her green eyes. They rest in his blue ones and there complete understanding. “I...can’t...do this anymore, Spike. I can’t stay disconnected. Unattainable. You of all people...”

“You can connect, Summers. We connected quite a bit.” He tries to smile for her, but she let’s out an exasperated breath and walks away from him.

“That wasn’t connecting, that was fucking.” She states bluntly, looking him in the eye again. Her words cut him and he winces and looks away. “That’s what made you so hot for me wasn’t it? You couldn’t really have me? Is that why you don’t want me now?”

“Wasn’t talkin’ about that. But since you’ve brought it up again...I thought we were past...the past, but-“

“Oh no...no no no no...we are not talking about this now.” Buffy turns her back on him.

“No, you brought it up. I’ve hummed along with your pity ditty long enough, now it’s time for a new song.” He jumps up just as she settles on the far end of the sofa. He stops in front of her, glaring. “You...are bloody insufferable!”

“Way to cheer me up, Spike.” She smirks angrily.

“Not tryin’ t’ bloody well cheer you up, am I?”

“Then what are you trying to do? I’m tired. I want to sleep.” She huffs.

“I’m pissed off, is what. Something pissed me off...unattainable...that was it.”

“Fine. I take it back. I’m a freakin’ attain-a-thon. Happy?” She leans back and closes her eyes actually wishing that he would go away.

“No, Summers...listen.” He crouches down in front of her. “Look at me.” She does. He sighs.

“Look, pet...I’ve been alive a lot longer than you have, and I’ve seen a lot more than you. Made a lot of mistakes and a lot of bad bloody calls.” He smiles a bit and she tentatively returns it. “I’ve been alive over a hundred years and there's only one thing I’ve ever been sure of...that's you.”

Buffy looks away, but he catches her chin in his hand and gently pulls her back to him.

“I love you, Buffy,” he says softly. Simply. A tear falls down her cheek. “Not because I want you or because I can’t have you. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I‘ve seen your kindness and your strength...the best and the worst of you.” He wipes the tear from her cheek and smiles, his voice softening even more.

“I understand with perfect clarity what you are. You’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever known. You’re the One.”

Buffy closes her eyes. This is not what she wants to hear right now. She knows he loves her, but she needs more. Wants more and yet she is so afraid.

“I don’t want to be the One. Let Faith have it.” She says softly, opening her eyes to study the hand that has clasped hers.

“Well...I don't want to be this good looking and athletic, but we all have our crosses to bear.” They both smile now. Buffy looks back at their joined hands and Spike follows her gaze. His sudden discomfort causes him to rise and turn away.

Bloody hell. Not a good time for emotional cricket, you soddin’ git.

He runs his fingers through his hair and is about to say something when it hits him. He turns back to her.

“You said ‘now.’” His query confuses her.

“Huh?”

“Before...you said I don’t want you ‘now’. What’s that s’pose to mean...’now’?” Buffy’s face falls. She looks up at him and decides it’s now or never.

“I meant...now that...I...you don’t want me now that I’m...it was wrong of me to say. I’m sorry.” She looks down at her hands.

“Now that you...what?” He watches her stand and move around the back of the couch.

“Now that I want you.” She looks up at him. “You don’t want me now that I want you, Spike. And I do. Want you.” Buffy steps around the couch and slowly approaches him. He is frozen in time and space.

She stops a few feet from him, bathed in candlelight. Tears dance in the rims of her eyes and she is looking at him in a way he’s never seen before. He simply can’t bring himself to move or speak.

Buffy studies his face. It’s unreadable. She is too tired to reach out to his mind, so she uses his body language to gauge what he may be feeling. The only problem is she’s getting nothing. Nothing.

They stare at each other for what seems like hours. Buffy’s heart pounds in her ears as she waits for him to respond to her obvious confession. Either he doesn’t realize how hard that was for her to say, to risk rejection from him...or he really doesn’t-

Buffy sighs and begins to back away slowly, her heart breaking with each small step.

The Bed’s Too Big Without You (Chapter 21 of Don’t Stop the Dance)

Cor, she is so fucking beautiful. Spike thinks to himself.

To him she looks better than anyone in the middle of an apocalypse has
a right to. And that she seems so suddenly open and so vulnerable makes
her more beautiful still. Her green eyes sparkle with unshed tears. Her
cheeks are flush with pent up emotion. Her lips, glistening, so utterly kissable that...

He takes the two steps separating them and claims her mouth.

A tiny voice in the back of his head asks him who the hell he thinks
he is. But then Buffy begins kissing him back, and he tells that voice to
sod off. He wraps his arms around her small frame, feeling the heat of her soft body
through the roughness of the terrycloth.

Spike can't remember a time when he's felt more desire.

Desire to live.
Desire to please.
Desire to...just desire.

Only one woman has ever made him feel like he’d been set aflame and she is in
his arms right now threatening to consume him again.

Just a moment ago he had been completely coherent, intent on saying his
peace and standing by her with no regrets. No delusions that she could ever
love him back.

Now he is devouring her as surely as she is devouring him and it has
him mindless with pure need. His fingers slide up and loosen the silken
strands of her blond hair even as he slants his mouth over hers,
changing directions as if no one direction allows him to get close enough;
deep enough. She tastes of strawberries and warmth and is hotter than
fire. Hotter than the sun he vaguely remembers from his youth.

Buffy’s head is buzzing with a thousand memories. The first time she’d
seen him, all spit and swagger. The first time he’d touched her and the
fear she’d felt. The first time that he’d touched her and she realized
she was no longer afraid. The time he comforted her during her mother’s
illness. The moment he first said “I love you.” The way he looked at
her, all bruised and battered from Glory, when she’d first kissed him.
The way he looked at her coming down the steps when he realized she was
alive. The concern on his face when she’d told him that she had been in
Heaven. The way he managed to smile only for her and just when she’d
needed it. Their first kiss after Sweet was sent back to Hell. The relief
in his eyes when she’d come to get him out of the caves a few weeks
ago. The memories of his constant love for her are flooding her.

Buffy breaks the kiss, inhaling deeply. She slowly releases herself
and backs up a few steps. There’s a sound of a protest from him in
the form of a sharp breath, but she squeezes her eyes shut, turns and walks further
into the house to the main bedroom. Spike follows her, glancing quickly
over to the second bedroom where Dawn lays sleeping. Once inside with Buffy,
he closes the door behind him and waits.

Buffy can feel him staring at her. He can hear her heart pounding in his head.
She turns back to him as her tongue darts out to moisten her swollen lips.
She thrusts her hand out and he stares at her fingers as if they belong to someone else.
Spike squints at her as he slowly steps closer. He hears her swallow thickly before she gives him a
half-smile.

"Another time...another place...maybe-“ she says softly.

Maybe, hell. He thinks to himself. They need each other now. Everythin’ and everyone else be damned!

Buffy gasps as Spike uses their joined hands to bring her closer to him.
She is barely aware of breathing as he releases her fingers and takes her
face in his hands.

“What do you want Buffy,” his voice is a caress against her cheek, in
her ear.

“Buffy-“ Spike is desperate to maintain control in his voice. He can feel her want.
Her need. It equals the intensity of his own. He doesn’t know where he’ll go if she rejects him.
He thinks he might just walk out into the sun. “What. Do. You. Want?”

Her heart still hammering in her chest from the kisses and the question,
Buffy closes her eyes slowly and decides to let go once and for all.

“You.”

Spike pulls back to look at her; to make sure she understands what she’s saying.
Seeing his hesitation, Buffy steps into him and gently places her lips atop his,
kissing him in a way that leaves no doubt of her intent. A tiny voice is telling her
that there is no time for this. That it is wrong, even though it feels right. He doesn’t
love her this way. He wants her, yes, but it’s not love. Not anymore.

But even as her conscience whispers into her inner ear, the feeling of having him so
near again overwhelms her, silencing the voice with another one that whispers...

Never, ever has Buffy wanted anyone like she wants Spike right now. She
slides her hands up his torso and under the collar of the duster,
spilling it to the floor with a satisfying thud. Her right hand rests on his
firm chest as the other fingers the nape of his neck pulling down
closer. When Buffy captures his bottom lip, playfully tugging and biting,
Spike groans with hunger and deepens the kiss as he gently places his
hands on her waist.

He can smell her arousal and feel her heat. His head is
spinning, he wants her so badly. Soon, one hand slides down to the damp skin of her bare
bottom and the other to the small of her back as he pulls her against the
evidence of his arousal.

Hungry mouths kiss and pull and suck; hands seek and knead and squeeze.
Before either knows it, Spike is pulled out of his clothes even as they
drift towards the borrowed bed. He fists the fabric of the towel around
her and removes it with little effort, audibly gasping at the sight of her.

As Buffy reaches down to pull back the sheets, Spike catches her hand.
"Are you sure, luv?” His voice is raspy with longing.

The look she gives him sends a shiver of pleasure down his spine. The
air between them is so incredibly hot that he is surprised he doesn't
spontaneously combust on the spot. Together they sink onto the mattress as
Buffy’s thighs land on either side of Spike's leg. Something inside
both of them breaks and their mouths come crashing together again and
again, leaving each of them panting as he rolls on top of her.

As his lips touch hers, another shock of electricity passes through him.
He gently circles her tongue with his and they dance playfully. Breaking away from her mouth,
his tongue moves down the side of her neck. Kissing and licking, he buries his face in the
curve of her shoulder at her pulse point. Buffy pulls him closer, her
fingers kneading the cool flesh of his buttocks.

“Buffy...God...” Spike’s kisses trail down over the tops of her breasts.
He finds one rosy peak and quickly flicks it with his tongue before taking it into his mouth.
He repeats the action with its twin within moments. The moan it elicits and the arch
of her back makes him feel like he could single-handedly defeat the First. He can feel the
evidence of her need scorching him where it rests against his thigh.

Buffy moans loudly, heedless to the fact that her sister is sleeping in
the other room. Spike is licking and sucking any area of skin he can
find and his undulations atop her have her spinning out of control; the
hard muscles of his thigh between her legs unknowingly driving her
towards the edge.

“Spike...” She is pleading and he pulls his head up and looks into her
eyes. Both of them stop their movements. He is looking at her with that
look again; that look of awe. The one that says you are my whole world.
She cannot remember the last time he looked at her this way. Even
though his eyes are still always filled with love, he’d been hiding this one.
It had been replaced by something else: Longing. Patience. Sometimes resignation.

Before, he was always waiting: For her. For them.

They stare at one another for a long time before he slowly lowers his head to hers and
kisses her. This kiss simmers as it grows hungry and demanding. Suddenly every
molecule of air exits Buffy's lungs as Spike fits himself between her legs and
slowly enters her, filling her not only physically but permeating every cell
of her body, her mind, her soul, her heart.

She clutches at him, her hands pressed firmly against the hard flesh of his back.
Opening her eyes, she looks up into the endless sky of his blue eyes and wonders
how she ever let him go. How she would ever be able to let him go again.

Buffy can barely register how incredibly good he feels within her.
Can't even begin to fathom what he is thinking.
She can concentrate on little more than the storm swirling inside her.
The tidal wave of feelings she’d denied and beaten back so often and for so long that
it scares her to think that they’re free to roam around in her wounded heart.

They move in unison, each knowing the other’s rhythm so well. Perfectly
in tune. Spike moans at the feel of her surrounding him, hot and wet
and softer than soft; her muscles milking him, coaxing him towards his
release. Her little mewling noises are sending him rapidly towards the edge.
She is engulfing him and he doesn’t know where he ends and she begins.

“Oh God...Spike...need you...” Buffy’s breathing is labored
as he drives into her, their speed ever increasing. Her hands roam all
over his back, one slipping between them to tease his nipple, which
elicits a gasp or three.

“Cor..pet...oh...God Buffy...oh...so sweet” His voice is rough with
hunger, but it is honey in her ear and it sets off a small earthquake in her very core.
Buffy wraps her legs higher around his back, allowing them to reach a new angle.
Both exhale a low moan, singing their ecstasy in unison.

Moving at a frenzied rhythm, they ascend together and when they near the crest,
his hands travel up her arms and their fingers lock into each other along with their eyes.
They hold on for dear life as, at last, the wave crashes over them. Their mouths come together
greedily as the orgasms roll over them again and again, threatening never to release them.

The kisses become slow and soft as they both come down, still buzzing
in the aftershocks. Spike disentangles their hands and brings his
down to her face, smoothing back her hair. Her eyes are closed and tears
escape from the corners only to fall to the pillow below. He rests his forehead
on hers.

“Buffy...” His breath is cool against her neck.

I’ve loved you for so long. I’ll love you forever. Always.

He buries his face in her hair and quietly joins her in weeping.

But neither knows. They cannot hear each other; they’re too wrapped up in needless sorrow.
Spike rolls them over to the side and cradles her into the curve of his body, and neither
speaks a word.

Both are too overwhelmed with unspoken confessions.
Both feel, for the first time really, that this is how this was meant to be.

But he says nothing.
And she says nothing.

They just hold on to each other for what they both believe is the last time.
Neither wanting to face the night when the other wouldn’t be there.
When their hearts would once again be broken and the bed would feel just...too big.