Title: Never Ever And Always
Author: Melissa Flores
Email: mistyjox@hotmail.com
A BVS story (c/x)
Teaser: A jealous confrontation and a need for answers prompts Cordelia to go to Xander with questions, and unexpectedly opens a torrent of emotions.
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. Josses.
Author's Notes: Realized I haven't written a C/X fic in a while, and decided I had to. This is a short fic, angst ridden, maybe I'll do a sequel if people want me to. The idea for it was after listening to the song "never Ever", but All Saints, which I think, aside from My Favorite Mistake, but Sheryl Crow, and "push", by Matchbox 20, is perfect for describing post lover walk angst.
Spoilers: Ahh.... Dopplegangland, what's up with crackhead Joss' (stole the name from Courtney - love ya girl. :-) ) characterization of Cordelia?!?!?! Augh.

Chapter Seven


I'll keep searchin', deep within my soul
for all the answers, don't wanna hurt no more
I need peace, got to feel at ease
Need to be free from pain, I'm going insane
My heart aches, yeah


I barely heard her voice, I only noticed her presence when Xander froze, and releasing me, put himself behind me and her.

Faith just smirked, her arms crossed as she stood in front of the trio of vampires that each smirked at the scene, each huge, and each in their game face

"That was just lovely." She commented, pretending to wipe tears from her eyes. "I just..I never thought I see something so horribly sappy." She chuckled.

Xander was rigid, hands behind him, holding me in place so that I could barely see what was going on. "What do you want, Faith?" He said quickly.

She sighed, looking up and musing. "Well, I was looking for a … connection."

Xander flinched, and I could only looked at him, slightly confused, my mind a haze I still felt the tears in my eyes. Faith must have noticed, because as I hurriedly tried to wipe them away, she grinned.

"Pretty pathetic sight." She said. "This boy's a jerk, Cor. No reason to cry over."

Xander stiffened. "Shut up, Faith." He hissed, closing his hands around mine tighter.

"Don't listen to her, Cor." He whispered to me, I was bewildered as I looked at his face, he was so earnest, so desperate for me to listen to him. So I just nodded. I was frightened, but I think more confused than anything. Faith and I never really talked or anything. I never really liked her, but Xander knew her more than I did. And he was scared. Really scared, of something. The way he held on to me, his grip as tight, so tight I knew I was going to have a bruise later. Yet I knew that I didn't want him to let me go.

"Just get out of here." He whispered. "Go. I won't let them get you."

"Xander, what in that pee wee head of yours makes you think I'm going to leave you with vampy slut over there?" I said, my voice steadier by the minute.

Faith just smiled at the scene. "Xander, you really do get around, doncha?" She drawled. Finally, I guess she was over with the frivolities, because she just nodded. "Grab them."

We both tried to run, but I didn't even get three feet. Burly arms grabbed me and muffled my shriek, and I whimpered, my fear real and raw as I felt the cold terrifying skin of the vampire that held me. He growled low, my terror only feeding his hunger. "Hiya, beauty." He purred, and I shrieked again when I felt his fangs graze across the nape of my neck.

"CORDY!" I only vaguely heard Xander's cries, and I opened my eyes long enough to see him get punched by a vampire who held him. I closed my eyes, gulping as the vampire kissed my neck, his fangs protruding over it.

And suddenly he flew away, and Faith grabbed me by the arm.

"Can you please stop your hormones?" She spat at him. "She's not THAT hot."

Huh? My eyes flew open,and I forgot my fear for just a sec as the anger took over. Where the hell did SHE get off? I opened my mouth to retort, but couldn't' when she suddenly slapped me.

"Don't even start, Ms. Thing." She bit. "We've got an appointment."

"What's going on?" Xander said, pushing against the vampires.

Faith winked at him. "Ascension, babe you guys get to be a part of it. Come on."

I tried to struggled, I really did, but Faith the freak was so much stronger than me. Finally I kicked her in her shins. She whirled, her patience lost, and my eyes widened as I saw her fist loomed toward my head.

I only vaguely heard Xander's voice crying for me when the pain loomed brightly. And everything went dark.

"Cordy." Xander's voice seemed to bring me out of a painful fog. I felt fingers touching me, and the one thing I recognized about his voice was that there was fear in it. Instantly I was brought back to a time when I was in a similar position, my heart had been broken, and a piece of rebar had taken the opportunity to stick itself in me. I felt my heart heave.

And my eyes opened. Xander had me on his lap, caressing my face as he looked down at me, desperately looking to see if I was okay.

"Xander?" I whispered, wincing as I felt my head explode.

"Cor!" His voice slipped just a little as he held me closer. "I thought you... Are you okay?"

I narrowed my eyes, attempting to sit up and reaching up to feel a welt on my forehead.

"Oww. God, what did that slut hit me with?"

"She had a ring on." Xander said, tenderly brushing my hair away from my wound.

I sat up, looking at my surroundings. We were in a small library, a room or something. "Where are we?"

"In the mayor's house." Xander said, looking around with me. "We're locked in."

For the first time since I had woken up, I felt scared. "Xander, what do they want with us?"

He bit his lip, shrugging, "I don't know, Cor. You thank maybe we're bait?"

I was too overwhelmed and scared to notice that Xander was holding me as tight as he could against his chest. "Why the hell am I always the damn bait?" I muttered to myself.

Xander was quiet for a moment, before he turned me toward him. I felt my heart go into my throat when I saw him. He looked scared, his eyes were almost black with emotion. "Cordy, please... whatever Faith tells you, don't... "

I gazed at him, not sure of what Xander was talking about. "Xander, what would Faith possibly say to me?" I asked him warily. "She and I never exactly had a relationship or anything."

"Yeah, but..." He looked at me, and suddenly a finger came tenderly up to my cheek. "Cordy, I love you, okay? No matter what happens, remember that?"

And looking at him, the way his beautiful eyes searched mine, I finally believed him. Not that it would do either of us any good, but I finally believed him. I gave him a shaky smile, in spite of the dire circumstances.

"I know, Xander." He sighed, and pulled me toward him, before cupping my chin and moving his lips over mine in a gentle, loving way. I closed my eyes, forgetting the danger we were in as Xander's mouth possessed mine. Warmth invaded me, and I sighed. I don't know what kind of power this guy has over me, but sometimes it scares me. It makes me forget. And I don't want to forget. When I forget, I get hurt.

"Will you two quit it?" We both looked up, me a little slower than Xander, due to the huge headache I had. We both stared up at Faith, who had her arms crossed who was looking down at us, annoyance in her eyes. Xander pulled me closer, and stared defiantly up at Faith.

The way the two looked at each other, I felt a small sore gnaw itself into the pit of my stomach, but in my fear, quickly forced myself to dismiss it. Something was wrong, I could feel it... but now wasn't the time to dwell on it.

"Faith, what the hell do you want with us?" I demanded. She gave me an amused look, like I was some sort of cat she wanted to pet, and shrugged.

"I don't want anything to do with you, Queen C." She said stiffly. "But my Mayor has other plans.

With that, two vampires grabbed Xander and me, and tore us apart. Immediately, Xander began to struggle, trying to get to me. In my pain, my headache getting worse by the second, I could do nothing but let them drag me.

"Cordy!" Xander pushed at me, as Faith rolled her eyes.

"Dammit Xander, for someone who cares so much about a girl, you'd think you'd have waited."

Again, the pit in my stomach grew painful, but I couldn't look back as the vampire who held me took me through a dark house, into what appeared to be the basement. Some where along the line, I lost my ability to stand, Faith must have hit me harder than I thought, because my feet buckled beneath me. Again I heard Xander's terrified voice, and I could only cry softly, as the vampire cursed at me and picked me up, cradling me close to his chest.

The nausea almost hit me, and I had to wince to keep it down. This close to a beast, fear for Xander and for myself, and that pit in my stomach every time I looked at Faith's smirking face, I felt so helpless, so out of control. And even the knowledge that Xander loved me didn't do anything to comfort .

And I finally met the mayor, when the vampire set me down an ordinary looking man's feet.

He kneeled down inspecting my face. "She's a little, weak, isn't she?"

Faith walked to his side, and shrugged. "She got impaled a couple months ago, after catching him cheating on her with Willow. She's not up at full strength."

I closed my eyes. Faith was so... so cold. "Bitch." I muttered under my breath. The Mayor chuckled, and Faith's face was stunned, and a second later I was flung back by the force of her blow across my cheek.

"Don't YOU TOUCH HER!" Faith and the Mayor looked up and I could barely register Xander's voice.

"Faith, you're upsetting him." The Mayor said mildly, his hand in his pockets.

"Who, him?" Faith smiled. "Nah, we had a connection."

There it was again. What connection? What were they talking about? "Faith, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to stop physically abusing our guest. You're getting her upset. And I'm afraid that pretty face of hers isn't quite used to this harsh treatment."

Faith chuckled. "That and you need her alive."

"That too." He grinned back at her, and then stepped around me to Xander.

I didn't hear their conversation, I only felt Faith's hands pulling me up to a sitting position.

"Come on, Queen C, you can't hurt THAT much. I mean, if I remember correctly, Wesley said you were frisky."

I shot her a look, mixed with hate. She just grinned. "You don't believe me, do you?"

"I don't believe a word you'd ever say to me, Faith."

Her grin grew wider. "Something's you have to believe, cause they're true." Kneeling down in front of me, she cast a look at Xander and the Mayor, before turning back to me. "Call you me a bitch?" She mocked, her voice suddenly turning Shakespearean. "That's fair again unsay. Oh tell me with what art, you sway the motion of Xander's heart." Now completely bewildered, I could only gaze at her.

"You've really lost it, haven't you?"

She cocked eyebrow. "Nope, I finally got smart." She sat down next to me. "You know, Cor, you and me, we've got a lot in common."

"I find that extremely hard to believe."

"I don't, think about. We both trusted people, the same people, they betrayed us... we both have the same taste in men-"

"Cordy don't listen to her!"

I looked to Xander, my eyes wide and confused as I looked back at Faith.

"What she doesn't know?" Faith asked, a grin emerged. "Xander you ARE a dog."

"Cor, don't listen to her, please!"

"What the hell are you two talking about!" I erupted, wincing as my headache grew bigger, but still managing to sound angered and annoyed. Xander gave me a desperate look, and I couldn't read him, I felt my heart beating rapidly.

"Faith, whatever happened to this Angelus fellow?" The Mayor asked mildly.

She rolled her eyes in disgust, getting up and looking at him. "No go."

He pouted, lost in thought. "That's two bad isn't it? I must admit I'm a little disappointed."

"Why do you need him?"

"It's a triumvirate. We need three."

"Well just take one of these guys." She pointed to the vampires that were around them. He studied them, and shook his head.

"No, it has to be a friend of the Slayer. It's hard enough to kill you, but something tells me she'll have a much harder time doing it to one of them.

Both eyes turned to me and Xander, and I felt my stomach plummet.

"Oh, no," Xander shook his head furiously, "There's no way-"

"Not him. I don't like him," the Mayor said absently, he turned to me. "What about her? We'll have to get another sacrifice, but that' won't be a problem, we'll just grab another one. The librarian, perhaps?"

Faith's face got clouded. "Nah, no good. Willow? I can get you Willow. I never really liked her anyway."

Xander cried out, pushing against the two vampires until one punched him the stomach, hard. I felt my heart close up in my chest. Not Willow.

They both kneeled over me. I knew I must have looked horrible. My face was still bleeding, and Faith's hits were still imprinted on my cheeks. They continued to talk over me placidly.

"Wait, don't they have to agree?"

He nodded. "I'll leave you to convince her." Faith grinned, casting a look at Xander.

"I don't think it'll be too hard. Her friends are exactly the loyal type."

I felt my stomach get nauseous, and then I knew that there was something that Faith wasn't telling me. She knew something that I didn't. And it scared me to know what. But I managed to feign disinterest in whatever she had to tell me, I sounded bold, instead of scared stiff.

"Faith, I have absolutely no idea what you two tweakos want with me, but I'm telling your right now, if you think I'm joining your End of the World Carnival, you are serious deluded."

Faith just smiled at me. "I always liked you, Cordy. You were the only one out of all them that was honest."

I scoffed, not daring to look at Xander, because I knew that in a sense, she was right.

"I can't exactly say the feeling was mutual, Faith."

Dammit, everything I said just amused her. Augh. I really hate this bitch.

"Look,Cordy, I'll make it easy on you. You join us or we kill Xander."

I felt my throat go dry, but my mind was whirling. Oh, God. Xander. Suddenly I remembered something in the recesses of my mind and I grabbed on to that thought.

"You'll kill him anyway."

She gave me a slow grin, and nodded. "But HOW he dies… well… it can be painful or not."

I tried to look back at Xander, but Faith grabbed my face roughly by the chin and pulled it back to her.

"Listen, you pretty bitch." She suddenly hissed, her eyes filled with rage. I felt my heart grow still when I realized she was fuming. "You may think you have it all, you may think that you just have to twist your little fingers and you can have any guy you want. Well, that's not true. Because I have something of Xander's that you'll never have."

I felt my heart stop. Fear coursed through my veins at record speed and I felt my stomach plummet, my whole body still in dread at what she was going to say.

"Faith! Cordy-, no"

Suddenly feeling void of emotion, I turned to Xander, and gave him one look that shut him up. With that, I turned back to Faith, my glare an icy one.

Standing up slowly, I looked at her, my eyes cold, and my voice steady.

"Faith, you damn better stopped insinuating and tell me what the hell you're talking about."

Her smile grew broad as she leaned in an wrapped an arm around me.

"Don't you get it, Cordy? I screwed Xander."




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