Title: Real Friends
Author: Paradox761
Email: Paradox761@mail.com
Website: members.tripod.com/~Paradox761
Disclaimer: Joss and co. own all things Buffy, no copyright infringement is intended so please don’t sue. I don’t have any money anyway.
Summery: Post “Superstar”, Xander confronts Buffy about the way she’s been treating him lately. Buffy denies it of course, but when Willow takes Xander’s side she’s forced to do some series thinking about her friends. Also, things heat up in the romance department for Xander and Anya, as well as for Willow and Tara. Can Xander, Willow and Buffy make it through all this and still come out friends on the other side?
Spoilers and such: General spoilers for season four, specifically for “Superstar”. Also, this is my first attempt at a Xander/Anya, so please be gentle. I’m of the mindset that Anya is different when she and Xander are alone, so you might find her characterization off a little bit. It’s all a matter of perspective. Also, this story was written before “New Moon Rising”, which kind of makes it a moot point as far as W/T, but I don’t think TPTB have been very far with the relationship as far as showing how they fell in love. Consider this an alternative explanation.
Also, acknowledgments and thanks have to go to the denizens of alt.tv.buffy-v-slayer. This story was inspired by the discussion threads that sprung up around “Superstar”. I’d like to thank you all by name, but I don’t have that kind of time here.
(BtVS, Xander/Anya, Willow/Tara, NC-17)

(1/9)

Anya sat in Xander’s bed, glancing at a magazine while checked to make sure the door to his basement residence was locked. They were both dressed for bed, Anya wearing one of Xander’s old tee shirts which came down to about mid-thigh when she stood, and Xander clad in only a pair of boxer shorts. Anya looked up as Xander crossed the room and ascended the steps to make sure that door was locked too. Everything about his demeanor told her that something was bothering him. He’d been moping around for the past week since the incident with the alternate universe where Jonathan was a paragon. Everyone had been a bit disoriented and upset when the truth came out, but it was something more with Xander. She could tell. He came down the steps and hit the light on his way to the bed. He pulled back the covers and slid in next to his girlfriend. “Do you want to talk about it?” Anya asked, putting the magazine down.

“Talk about what?” Xander asked in return, feigning ignorance.

“You’ve been in a funk for a week now, ever since that thing with Jonathan. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong An, I’m just still a little taken aback by it all,” Xander said, looking away.

Anya knew that whenever he wouldn’t make eye contact it usually meant he was lying. “Xander,” she said, moving closer to him and snuggling against him. “This is me, remember. Tell me.”

Xander put his arm around and looked down into her eyes. That soft expression of caring and understanding on her face, her eyes so full of concern. He knew he was the only one who ever saw her like this, the only one that she let see beyond the cold exterior that she showed the world. One look from those smoldering eyes and he could deny her nothing. He let out a sigh of defeat. “It’s just that…well, everyone seemed so different in that world, you know. They were so subservient to Jonathan that they became insecure about themselves.” Anya nodded in agreement. “Except for me,” Xander continued. “I mean, I hardly changed at all. The only difference was…” he trailed off.

“Buffy was replaced by Jonathan,” Anya said softly.

Xander looked down again, half expecting to see anger in her eyes, but only finding sympathy and understanding. Xander had had feelings for Buffy, feelings so strong that at one time he thought they were love. It took time, but he realized that the respect and reverence he felt towards her were just strong feelings of friendship. He loved her, he did, but he wasn’t in love with her. It was a bond of friendship so strong that at times it felt overwhelming and confusing. Anya understood all that. “Yeah,” he answered softly. “But, I was even more confident. I felt like part of the team for a change, instead of just an annoying tagalong.”

“Jonathan treated you better then Buffy does,” Anya stated.

“No, it’s not like that,” Xander said.

“Isn’t it? Xander, think about what you said. Jonathan treated you with respect, even though he felt like he was superior to you. He made you feel like part of the team, that’s part of the reason why everyone loved him so much. He made us all feel good about ourselves, even if he made us all think that he was some kind of demigod. The difference with you is that your used to revering someone so totally, but you’re not used to getting respect in return.”

“Buffy respects me,” Xander said.

“Maybe she does, but she doesn’t treat you with respect. There’s a difference.”

Xander laid his head back and thought about that. Could it be true? Could that be why he was so bothered by the experience? Because Jonathan showed him the respect that Buffy never did. “Maybe I don’t deserve her respect,” he said after a moment. “I mean, she’s the slayer. What have I ever done to…”

“Xander!” Anya cut him off. “Don’t you dare say that, everyone deserves respect. You have been Buffy’s friend for almost four years now. You’ve fought vampires without the aid of superpowers, risking your life right along with her even though you don’t have to. Hell, you’ve saved her life almost as many times as she’s saved yours. You’ve done nothing but treat her like a friend and she treats you like a nuisance. Like you’re a part of her old life, and she’s moved past you. Damn it Xander, you deserve more than that.” Anya let out a sigh and held Xander closer. “I’m sorry. I’ve felt like this for a while but I haven’t said anything because I know how much you care about her. But I see how much this is hurting you and I can’t hold my tongue anymore.”

Xander didn’t say anything at first. He just held Anya closer while he thought about what she had said. He thought about the emotion in her voice. He thought about the way she clung to him, and the way his hand instinctively stroked her arm as he held her. “Thank you,” he said after a few moments of silence.

“Hmm?”

“For that, for everything you said. After the week I had, I think I needed to hear it.”

“I meant every word.”

“When did you become so observant of human behavior?” he asked, only half-teasing.

“Oh, please. I’ve been observing humans for over 1100 years, I’ve learned a thing or two.” She looked up into his eyes. “But I didn’t learn nearly as much as I have now that I am human again, thanks to you.” She smiled.

Xander smiled back. He brushed a lock of hair away from her face and placed a kiss on her forehead. She snuggled into him closer and kissed his neck as Xander continued to stroke her arm. “Anya,” he asked for a moment. “Do you love me?”

The question took her by surprise. She looked up again, searching his eyes. After a moment she answered. “I don’t know. Do you love me?”

Xander paused a moment too. “I don’t know.” They stayed silent for a moment, but neither of them let go of the other. Xander’s mind was racing. His whole life he had been afraid of rejection, so he guarded his heart carefully. He could still feel the sting of the speech Buffy gave him when he asked her to the Spring Fling. He remembered the agony when Cordelia broke up with him on Valentine’s Day, and the ridiculous and dangerous lengths he had gone to to get her back. So he had been careful, cautious. But what had that gotten him, nothing but loneliness. And now, he had finally found someone he cared about again, someone who made him feel special, and he was letting his fear and insecurity get in the way of his happiness. He could stand up to vampires and demons, but when it came to admitting how he felt, he was a coward. But not anymore. “No,” he said softly. Anya looked up at him and he met her eyes with his own. “I do know. Anya.” He paused. “I love you.”

For about a second and a half, Anya didn’t react at all. It was the longest second and a half in Xander’s life. But then she smiled, and Xander’s heart soared. She jumped up with a small squeal of delight and kissed him passionately. She laid on top of him, straddling his hips as she continued to kiss him. When the kiss finally broke, she held his face in her hands, her own face only inches away with a huge smile on her face. “I love you too, Xander.”

Xander laughed as he grabbed her and playfully flipped them both over. He placed small kisses all over her face while Anya laughed too.

“Oh, Xander. I’m sorry, I was so afraid…”

Xander pressed a finger to her lips to silence her. “You have nothing to be sorry about, I was afraid too.” He smiled again. “But I’m not afraid anymore. I love you.” Kiss. “I love you.” Kiss. “I love you.” Kiss.

Xander kept placing kisses on Anya’s face as she giggled, telling her he loved her over and over again. “Xander…Xander,” Anya said trying to get his attention. He stopped and looked down at her. She stopped giggling, her face was very serious now. “Make love to me,” she said softly.

She had never said those words, neither of them have. They had had sex, they had fucked, but they had never made love. His face became serious too as his lips descended onto hers. And for the first time in his life, Xander made love.




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