Title: When Angels Cry
Author: Rina Stewart
Email: rina@love-productions.com
Rating: PG-13
Keywords: Willow/Xander, character death
Disclaimer: Willow, Xander, Giles, Buffy, Oz, Angel and Cordy belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox. Carrie belongs to me.
Distribution: Want it? Take it! I would like a note about where it is, though.
Feedback: YES! Please. I'd really appreciate it.
Spoilers: None. This branches off after Grad 2.
Summary: Willow, now 25, has cancer.
Song Credits: "When Angels Cry" is performed by Janis Ian, and can be found on her CD, Revenge. For GH fans, this was Robin and Stone's song.
"Kiss Me" is performed by Sixpence None the Richer, and can be found on their self-titled CD.
I Will Remember You is performed by Sarah McLachlan and can be found on the Brothers McMullen soundtrack.
Author's Notes: I wrote and posted this about a year ago. I was never completely satisfied with it, but I just couldn't do any more with it at the time. Frankly, it depressed me too much. LOL But now I'm back, and so is this story. It's been edited, parts rewritten, and the conclusion that I always envisioned will be ready in a few weeks. : )

If ever was a heart that longed to fly
If ever was a soul that longed to bloom
If ever was an angel, it was you
So close your eyes and say good-bye
Good-bye


July 28, 2006

Xander left Willow in their bedroom, where she had fallen asleep again, and went downstairs to find Giles and Carrie. He walked into the living room, and saw his daughter sitting at her kiddy table with Giles crouched behind her, smiling proudly.

Carrie noticed her father standing in the doorway and jumped up excitedly, running over to him. "Daddy! Daddy, look at what Uncle Giles teached me." She dragged him to the table where Giles sat, and pointed at the sheet of paper. "Caroline Jennifer Harris. See, I can write my name!" she said proudly.

"Wow!" Xander told her, smiling. "That looks great, honey," he said, hugging her.

"Can I show Mommy?" she asked hopefully. She had missed her mother during the few days Willow had been in the hospital.

Xander looked up at Giles, as if wanting an answer himself, before looking back at his impatient daughter. "Sorry, sweetie, she's sleeping right now. Why don't you put that on the fridge now, and you can show her later when she wakes up. Is that okay, Care?"

"Okay, Daddy," Carrie agreed and ran out of the room.

Exhausted, Xander ran his hand through his hair and slouched against the couch. It had been a long night. Even though Willow had slept so much, he hadn't let himself close his eyes once, just watching her all night.

"How is she?" Giles asked quietly.

"Not good. She's sleeping most of the time now, and her breathing is erratic." He looked up, the pain in his eyes unmistakable. "We're losing her, Giles, and there isn't a damned thing we can do about it." He stood up. "I have to go back up now. I don't want to leave her alone, in case. . .just in case."

Giles nodded. "Carrie and I will be up later to visit."

"All right. We'll see you then." He went back upstairs and entered their darkened bedroom. He had closed the drapes to block out the bright afternoon sun when Willow had fallen asleep again.

Willow was lying down on the bed, awake, and holding an old picture of Buffy, Giles, Xander, Carrie, and herself. "Do you remember when this was taken?" Willow's whisper cut through the still of the dark room.

Xander sat next to her. "Yep. It was the week before Carrie's second birthday. That's the dress that Giles bought for her." He squinted at the picture. "It was how many sizes too big?"

Willow smiled. "I think it was a 6x. She still can't wear it." She laughed. "He tried, though. And he's gotten better." There was a small silence as they both remembered those days, when Buffy was still alive and Willow wasn't sick. "She'll remember me, won't she?" Willow asked suddenly.

"We won't let her not remember," Xander reassured her. "She'll grow up know all about her mommy and her Aunt Buffy. Giles and I will tell her stories, and show her pictures, and she'll always know how much you love her." They heard Carrie chattering to Giles coming up the stairs and Xander smiled. "Speak of the devil. Carrie has something she wants to show you. Up for it?"

Willow smiled back. "Of course."

He got up and went to the door, turning the light on. "Carrie, do you want to show Mommy your paper?"

Carrie held it up. "Yeah!" She ran past Xander and climbed up next to her mother. "See what I did, Mommy? I writed my name!"

Willow took the paper from Carrie and smiled. "Oh, I can see that! I bet Uncle Giles taught you how to do that."

Carrie gave a nod. "Yep. We practiced all morning."

"It looks great, Care bear. You did a wonderful job. Are you going to put it on the refrigerator?" Willow asked as Carrie snuggled against her.

"Uh-huh. I had it there, but I wanted to show you." She twirled her mother's hair for a second. "Uncle Giles is going to read me a story now, so I gotta go. Okay?"

Willow smiled at her. "Okay. Have fun."

Carrie threw her arms around her mother's neck and squeezed. "I love you, Mommy."

"I love you, Carrie," Willow said, hugging her back. "Now go have fun with Uncle Giles." Carrie climbed back down and grabbed Giles' hand. Willow looked at her friend and smiled. "Bye, Giles."

He bent down and kissed her forehead. "Bye, sweetheart." He turned to the little girl pulling his hand. "All right, Miss Caroline. Let's go read that story now." They left and Xander closed the door behind them.

"She's so big now," Willow said softly.

Xander grinned. "Looks just like you did when you were her age, with her red hair and big green eyes."

"Acts like you, though," Willow teased. "Can't keep quiet for even a minute, and forget about sitting still."

He laughed. "No arguments there. Hey, do you want something to drink? You haven't had anything all day. I can run down and-"

She reached for his hand. "No. Don't go, Xander."

There was something in her voice that made him stop short. "Okay. Okay, I won't." He laid down next to her, and smoothed back her hair.

"I love you, Xander," she said simply.

He blinked back tears. "I love you, too, Will. Always have and always will." The room's sudden new silence seemed deafening to him, and he closed his eyes, the tears seeping from under his lids. He curled up close to her body and reached for her arm, placing it around his shoulders like she was hugging him. He didn't know how much time had passed before Giles knocked and entered the room.

"Is she sleeping?" he whispered.

Xander turned to face him, and the look of anguish on his face was enough of an answer.

"She's dead," Giles said blankly. "Oh. Lord, Xander, I'm sorry."

"She's with Buffy now," Xander said. "They'll take care of each other." He touched his wife's face gently. "She'll be okay now."


End part five




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