Title: You Always Hurt The One You Love
Author: Crazy_Girl_Mary
Email: crazy_girl_mary@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: They’re all Joss’ and probably some other people but hey I’m a rebel so I play if I want damn it!
Summary: Angel dies, but Buffy isn’t ready to lose him yet. There’s only one way to stop his death, to go back in the past and kill his murderer, but that also means encountering her worst enemy, the devil who wears her lover’s face and his three companions Darla, Spike, and Drusilla at the height of their madness.
Pairings: No real pairings in this one, just friendships, but you could call it a B/A aftermath or a B/Aus infatuation.
Spoilers: Buffy has come back from heaven, and Angel has Conner, but he’s not grown up yet.
Rating: NC-17 (Just to be safe) there are a few strong sexual exchanges as in banter
Author’s Comments: I finally have a website! Isn’t that exciting! I know I’m excited and I’ll be even more excited if you email me with your challenges and reviews.

When they reached the club Buffy smiled to see the familiar line going into the club even late at night. The music drifting outside sounded a little harder then the usual music but she didn’t care. Angel held her close as they passed the bouncer, completely ignorant of the impatient line. Inside she saw that many of the customers at the bar and on the dance floor were vampires. They grinned evilly and menacingly at her and Angel. She felt like she were floating through a dream and that she would wake up and everything would be back to the way things were before Angel had died. It couldn’t be real, he couldn’t be right there with her.

A pretty young brunette wearing a sheer black tank top and tight black leather pants, with peircings on her tongue, naval, nipples, and all up her ears stopped in front of Angel and grabbed the front of his pants. He glared at her and pushed her away irritably. Buffy took a step towards the angry girl but she just flashed her teeth in a defensive growl and went onto the dance floor. Buffy didn’t follow for fear of losing Angel in the crowd. She ran a few twisted steps to be behind him again and he smiled and put his hand out for her to take. His fingers were cold but strong and comforting like they had always been. She wanted to ask him so many questions, like did she really live here with him and about Giles and Xander and Anya. He stopped at the door to his apartment. A place she knew well. A place she hadn’t been for years. He pulled out the keys and unlocked the door. She followed him inside. Right away she knew she lived there, it just felt like home, and if she lived there then Angel was definitely not evil.

She saw framed pictures of her and her mom, her and Dawn, her and Willow all over the living room which she remembered as being void of sentiment. She began to walk around and look at the items intently; the pictures were taken from her house. She must have brought everything when she moved in with him. He had taken his coat and flung it across the back of the couch and she noticed he had been watching her intently for a while. “You can’t lie to me Buffy, I know something’s wrong, I always do,” he had approached her and put his hands around her waist gently, taking her breath away. He rested his head on her shoulder and whispered in her ear, “Tell me what’s wrong, I’ll fix everything.”

She felt confident that he would. She knew that he would, like he always had. He led her to the couch to talk. She couldn’t believe she was about to tell him everything. She could literally hear her conscience banging in her brain, begging her not too, but her heart was strongly attached to this man still and she had to tell him. He held her hands in his and looked deeply into her eyes barely showing astonishment at her story. When she had told him everything up to the point where she saw him in the cemetery he asked her if they had been lovers in her past life. She pulled herself together and told him they had not been. She knew that if he was good the curse still held and that they could not be lovers now so why discuss it.

“Tell me everything about your life?” he said caressing her cheek.

Buffy was completely swept in by his trust, “You believe me? You don’t think I’m crazy or sick?”

He smiled and gently kissed her lips, “I would know if you were lying darling, I can hear your heart beat.”

She pulled back scared of the consequences of getting too close. She remembered how close her and Angel had been, but that was before he had turned, before they knew the consequences all too well. Did he know the consequences? Had something similar to her experience happened here?

“I’m sorry if I scared you,” he said suddenly. Buffy hadn’t realized her thoughts were showing on her face, she smiled, “No, no, it’s nothing.”

“I would hardly call it that, you’ve been through an awful lot from the sound of your story and you have every right to be confused and upset. You didn’t come back to the world you had expected… the me you had expected.”

She could hear tinges of pain in his voice. She put her hand back on his comfortingly, “I’m sure I’ll get used to this world, and I’m so happy you believe me.”

“Of course I do,” he said, he kissed her on the head, then stood and gently pulled her to her feet. “You’re tired, you need some sleep. You can jump in the shower and I’ll get your favorite pajama’s and the bed ready for you.”

Buffy’s heart jumped at the word bed but she couldn’t blame him for trying to comfort her and act normal. She remembered when Angel had left her because he thought he could never give her what she needed. Could this sweet Angel ever hurt her like that?

She went into the bathroom and showered, then wrapped a big soft silk black robe that had been hanging on the bathroom door around her small body and toweled her head. She was looking for a toothbrush that might be hers when he just walked right in the bathroom. That was definitely surprising. He hadn’t even knocked. She knew that was something couples that lived together did. He showed her the toothbrush she used. She was brushing her teeth in the mirror and though she couldn’t see him reflecting in it she could feel him moving behind her, hear his clothing drop to the floor. Her heart was telling her all she had to do was turn around to see that amazing body again, all she had to do was put an arm out to touch it, loosen a knot and step forward to claim it. She struggled against this urge and his lingering made matters much harder. She imagined she could feel his body heat on hers but that was impossible. She was running out of teeth to brush when he turned the shower on and climbed inside. She thanked her lucky stars and got out of the bathroom as quick as possible.

She went into the bedroom and found a pair of loose black silk pajama shorts and a matching camisole with a low-cut lace neck. She found some more of her clothes in a drawer that he had left open for her. There wasn’t much in the drawer, but enough to know she had at least stayed there a lot, mostly pajamas and undergarments, a few shirts and a pair of black leather pants. Above that on the dresser top she saw a bottle of perfume, lotion, and a hairbrush were neatly standing in a line. She quickly dressed then brushed her hair. The perfume smelled so wonderful, like nothing she had ever smelled before so she couldn’t hold back a little, then she used the lotion on her legs and elbows and put everything back in its careful place. She looked at the bed cautiously. Should she sleep in the bed or go out on the couch to signal to him she didn’t want any contact.

She frowned looked at the maroon silk sheets, she didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and she didn’t want him to know he had lost his Buffy forever but she just wasn’t ready to be so close to him. She went out on the couch and pulled a blanket from the back down over her and began to go over the events of the last few days again in her head. She realized she hadn’t really slept in almost four days. Once her brain had rationalized this she fell into a deep sleep.

Angel finally came out of the shower wearing a pair of black sweatpants and toweling his wet hair. He loved late night showers they were so invigorating. He stopped when he saw her curled up sound asleep on the couch; she looked so sweet and innocent despite her new rugged appearance, which wasn’t new to him. She looked like she was completely comfortable here and he loved that. He looked at the clock and still hearing the party raging outside and knowing she would be asleep for a while he quickly dressed and went out the door.

When he finally came home he noticed she had been to the bathroom and was back asleep on the couch. She probably hadn’t even noticed that he hadn’t been in bed, probably hadn’t even looked. He knew why she was acting so strangely. He remembered when she had been in the past. He could never forget her, and the first time he saw her he knew who she was instantly, but she hadn’t known him. He left that brewing in the back of his mind knowing that one day his Slayer would know she had met him before. She had told him once that she felt like he had always been lurking in the shadows of her life and she never got a chance to know why. When this new Buffy came back the other one disappeared forever and he had to admit he was just fine with that, in fact that was what he had been waiting for for years.

He knew that the Angel she had known had been much different; the world she had known had been different too. He wanted to know everything about her world just didn’t know how to ask without scaring her away. He smiled and gently lifted her from the couch into his muscular arms. She didn’t stir as he easily carried her to his bed and laid her down. He took the cover she had been wrapped in and threw it over a chair. Then he stripped down and put the sweatpants back on almost waiting for her eyes to flash open and for her to runaway but it never happened. He smiled reassuringly and climbed in next to her, covering them up. He pulled her close, claiming her, showing the world she was his. He smiled content for the moment and fell quickly asleep.

He was woken in the early morning when she began to stir beneath him. He heard her saying his name lightly, but it was different, there was definite conviction behind it. She said that she loved him and that she had almost lost him. He smiled as a strong bond formed between them and he could see everything. He could see them making love, he could almost feel himself losing his returned soul, torturing her, killing Jenny Calendar, he could see through his eyes the battle they had, he watched and almost felt himself slam the sword home, feel as she countered the butt to his face. Then was the grand finale, and this was good. He smiled, he felt his soul being returned, felt the confusion of rebirth, and exchanged endearing words with the Slayer only to have her kiss him goodbye and murder him with tear filled eyes, which they shared.

He was jerked from the vision when he felt her jolt beneath him. She was sitting upright in bed her eyes wide open and sweat coating her body. He was at her side in a second, copying the dream, telling her he was there for her, and that she was fine, surprised at his own calmness. She smiled trustingly and they held each other tightly, he didn’t think he had ever been so happy in his life. Maybe her Angel had been so happy but that would all change soon, he wanted to make love to her and he would.

She hadn’t wanted to be in the same bed with him, but now that she was there she couldn’t deny that it felt right and comfortable and she couldn’t pull herself to rip both their hearts out by moving back to the couch. She let him hold her a little longer and she held him too, comforting them both. Then she lay back down and turning her back to him began to fall asleep again. Before she drifted off she felt his arm creep around her waist and hold her to him and she was comforted further. She prayed that he wouldn’t push. Her body wanted to make love to him so desperately and in reality, since the first time she had been with him her body had always called out for him even when she had substituted others she had always wanted him. Her brain and her heart were a different story, although she still loved him her smarts and feelings did not want to be hurt again by the curse. Her heart and her brain still loved Angel deeply, just not as much as her body longed for his and not at the cost she knew she would be paying for a few hours of bliss.

When she woke she turned over, and ran her hand over the place where he had been. It was an unconscious act and when she did it a horrible sense of dread overcame her and she opened her eyes and shot up in the bed. Where was he? She heard noises coming from the other room so she got out of bed and grabbed some clothes from the dresser then went to get changed in the bathroom. When she rounded the doorway and entered the small living room/kitchen, she saw Angel getting dressed. She held her breath and watched against her better judgment and when he was clothed she cleared her throat and casually entered the room. Angel smiled lightly and finished buttoning his dark blue silk shirt. He saw that she was on her way to the bathroom and stopped her; lightly taking the clothes from her arms he kissed her cheek. She could smell his minty fresh breath, and blushed slightly knowing hers was far from fresh. “I was just going to get changed,” she said reaching for the clothes.

Angel held the leather pants away from her, “Don’t you wanna go to your place and get some clean ones?” he asked.

Not wanting to sound different Buffy nodded and followed him back in the bedroom. She put her clothes from the previous night back on and threw up her ratty hair. Then they put on their coats and he led her out the door and into the hallway. She could hear noise coming from the club. Angel pushed her behind him and entered the room wearing a wary countenance. He passed the group of vamps with Buffy pressed against his back.

The brunette from the night before took a challenging step forward and hissed at Buffy. Buffy drew her stake but Angel grabbed her hand strongly in mid swing. “Not yet,” he said then glanced at the large group. Buffy thought perhaps he didn’t think they could take the whole group. She frowned and continued to follow him out, glaring one last time at the grinning brunette who blew her a menacing kiss.

They walked under a long canvas awning past several cars until they got to his. It was still daytime but not for too long. Angel’s leather duster had a big thick hood that draped over his face and protected him from the sun. He still drove the 1967 black GTX Plymouth convertible. She smiled as he opened her door helped her in and then closed her door. He walked around and slowly got in his. The top was up. He quickly backed out of the alley and headed towards Buffy’s house. When he pulled up to the curb the reality of her home was visible in the semi-light. The house looked destroyed beyond repair, along with every house on the block. Her car was gone. She didn’t know if she could really miss it since she had never had it. Angel got out and was coming to help her out but she got out herself and they quickly headed towards the house.

“Willow and Tara are probably just grocery shopping. You know they are much safer in your car, no one would think of stopping anyone in your car around here,” Angel answered remembering Buffy’s questioning glance in the car. Buffy nodded understandingly, and removed her keys from her pocket. She found the right key on instinct and opened the door. She turned and saw him hovering just outside the threshold.

“You’ve never been invited in?” she asked.

He looked a little angry. “You didn’t invite me because Dawn and Will don’t like the idea.”

“And neither do I mate,” said a voice from well inside the house. Buffy turned and saw Spike standing at the kitchen counter pouring a blood bag into a coffee mug with a straw. Spike, him and his knowledge and two cents really pissed her off. “Come on in Angel,” she said defiantly and he walked quickly past her and through the doorway pulling the hood quickly off his head.

He glared at Spike and wrapped his arm around her shoulders after she shut the door. Then she went upstairs with him following and Spike said nothing further. When they went into the bedroom Angel looked around at the small room intently. He had never seen her room. This was the room of his mate, his passion, his only interest. Like her, it lacked many girlish traits. She had given up on ruffles and fairy tales long ago, he knew that much. He walked over and sat on the bed and watched her as she pulled out an outfit from the closet. She told him she was going to shower and he told her he would be fine waiting.

When she had left and closed the door behind her he walked over and saw the old dress rolled in a ball at the bottom of the closet. He picked it up and saw the rips and fresh dirt. He held it to his face and deeply inhaled the sweet smell of his home. He longed to be back there but he had come all this way to find her and now he had. He could also smell the remains of his sire and the thought of her brought anger to his happiness.

He was almost positive Spike had warned the others and they had taken off in Buffy’s car. He didn’t care. He had what he wanted and there was no way Spike would convince her he wasn’t what she thought. When she had told her story; that she had been in love with a soulful him in her other life, he almost laughed. It was all so outrageous yet so perfect. She had the fanciful idea in her head that he was a perfect… Angel. She had gone into the past to save his life and had completely changed her own.

The best part was she was completely naïve to the dangers of this new world. No normal people lived in Sunnydale, only her and her gang and people that even the vampires and demons wouldn’t kill. She had no idea that he had killed her watcher and put that scar on her face. They had been fighting as mortal enemies since she had been called and he had been biding his time, waiting for her to come back from the past. Since he had met her all those years ago he had traveled all over the world looking for her. He knew she had to be into witchcraft or know someone who was to conger up such a potent spell. He had heard her spell and found it in a book some fifty years later.

He had just about given up hope completely when he saw the first gun. Then he knew she must have come from farther in the future. He had heard a powerful new Slayer was being called in the United States so he came to see her. There was no mistaking that she was his girl, she was younger and rougher but it was a rough world.

He was shaken from his thoughts when she came into the room. She had a tight black tee shirt and loose baggy pants on, but that was pretty much all she owned. She sat on the bed to slip on her socks and boots and he was glad she didn’t fuss with her hair or make up because he would feel a lot better about the situation when he was out of the house and away from the only being who knew what was going on. She grabbed her coat and quickly went down the stairs and started towards the door with Angel close by her.

“Slayer?” Spike’s voice called from the kitchen. Angel sighed as Buffy went in to see what he wanted. He was sitting at a cluttered kitchen table with a small black and white TV propped on his lap.

“What?” she asked impatiently. She didn’t know where she was going or what she was doing but she felt the need to get out of the dirty embarrassing house and be with him in his small, clean, comfortable apartment.

“Exactly what are you doing?” he asked with his bitter accent. “It’s not everyday you’re seen chumming with the likes of him. What gives? Is it evil vampire appreciation week and I never got the memo?”

“He’s not evil,” Buffy said, “And it’s not like I have to explain myself to you!” God she hated Spike. Just who the hell did he think he was?

“Oh right! Cause killing the Watcher, that’s a Good Guy thing!”

Buffy just stared. She had no idea what he meant by that, ‘killing the Watcher’?

“Well shit on me!” Spike said suddenly jumping from his chair and almost dropping the television to the floor. “You’re not you! You’re the you he’s been waiting for! And we all thought he was mad!”

Buffy sighed, “Spike you of all people should know Angel has a soul, from the Romany Gypsies.”

“Slayer what the hell is wrong with you! Angelface is as soulless as any vampire!” Spike didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to describe it to her. “You went back in the past, I remember you, and so does he! He’s been waiting for you! Don’t you understand? This is a lie! He has no soul and he wants to kill you!”

Buffy’s face turned white, “But, but I… my stuff was at his place,” she protested.

“What stuff?” Spike asked, “You don’t have any stuff.”

“Perfume and clothes and pictures, and a toothbrush!”

“He’s obsessed with you and some of the pictures were stolen when you moved Dawn with her father! But you don’t have any of that other stuff! He has a mate that lives with him, she has brown hair, evil little bit.”

Spike suddenly went wide-eyed. Buffy was afraid to turn around but knew she would eventually have to.

After the first word from Spike in the kitchen Angel pulled out his cell phone and called one of his boys. They had spotted Willow and Tara in the Slayer’s car on the way out of town and stopped them at Angel’s previous orders. They were bringing them to a holding cell when he called. Angel had them bring the two to the Slayer’s house quickly. He had a feeling things were about to get very interesting.




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