Title: You Can’t Go Home Again
Author: Paradox761
Email: Paradox761@mail.com
Website: members.tripod.com/~Paradox761
Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy or Profiler, and I don’t claim to. No copyright infringement is intended so please don’t sue. I don’t have any money anyway. Also, let me say that I know absolutely nothing about the Wicca religion. Everything in this story has either come from things I’ve observed on Buffy and other TV shows, or from my own mind (Yes, that’s right, I just made it up. Deal with it). No offense is intended.
Summary: Xander’s frustration about being the Zeppo finally comes to a head mid season 4, so he takes off intent on proving himself to those he feels don’t believe in him. He comes to some realizations on his own, and he makes some new friends in the FBI. But a series of murders in Sunnydale forces Xander to come home sooner then he would have liked. Can he use his newfound wisdom to patch things up with his old friends while keeping the secret truth about vampires from his new friends, all while trying to catch a killer?
(BtVS/Profiler, W/X)

Xander knocked on Giles’ door shortly after sunset, dressed in the same suit he wore when he saw them earlier that day and carrying a bottle of wine under his arm. His mother had always told him, if you’re ever invited to dinner, bring something. Of course, she told him about being a polite dinner guest so that he would get invited more so that she would have to feed him less, but the sentiment still rang true. Xander laughed to himself a little as that thought drifted across his head, just as the door opened to reveal a smiling Buffy. “Hey,” she said.

“Hey,” he said back, returning the smile. He handed her the bottle and removed his coat.

“What’s this?” Buffy asked.

“A peace offering,” Xander said. Buffy smiled and walked into the kitchen to chill the bottle. Xander looked around. The place hadn’t changed much in the last five years, except the books seemed to be a bit more organized, and their seemed to be more of them. Xander browsed through the titles a little.

“You really didn’t have to bring anything,” Buffy said, reentering the room. “Willow kind of went all out for this dinner, she thought of everything.”

Xander turned. “Where is Willow anyway?”

“Probably still upstairs. Last I saw she was having a conniption because she couldn’t get her make-up right. Amy was helping her.”

Xander glanced at the table, which was already set, and through the hole in the wall between the kitchen and the living room, where he could see the meal in various stages of preparation. He saw Giles standing over the stove, and Tara was standing at the counter chopping vegetables. “I hope you all didn’t go to too much trouble,” he said.

“Nah,” Buffy answered. “We all have dinner like this at least once a week. Just one big, happy, extended family. Except for Spike, he bolted as soon as the sun went down.”

Xander smiled weakly as he sat down across from Buffy.

“What is it?” she asked.

“Nothing. It’s just, I’m getting a glimpse of what I’ve missed out on because of my stupidity. I mean, you guys really were the only family I ever had, and I just left. I feel like the world’s biggest jerk.”

“We all make mistakes Xander,” Buffy said. “And regardless of whether or not you’ve been here for the last five years, you’re here now. And we couldn’t be happier to have you.”

“How’s Willow taking this? Seeing me again I mean.”

“Are you kidding, she’s euphoric!” Buffy said with a smile. “She’s smiling so much I think she’s going to strain her jaw.”

“And?” Xander prompted.

Buffy sighed. “She’s hurt Xander, but she learned a long time ago how to put that pain aside. I don’t know whether or not it will come back. I guess that’s really up to you.”

Xander just nodded, not really knowing what to say. He glanced up as he saw a figure come down the stairs, it was Amy. She smiled and said hello before heading into the kitchen. From his seat he could still see through the break in the wall into the kitchen. Tara was still chopping something at the counter. Amy walked up behind her and reached up to open the cabinet above her head. Tara moved her head out of the way, and leaned back closer to Amy. This got Xander’s attention, so he continued to watch. Amy took a couple of glasses out of the cabinet and put them on the counter. She came down off her tiptoes just as Tara turned to look at her over her shoulder. She smiled, and Amy wrapped her arms around her waist from behind. Amy smiled back as Tara leaned back into her again. Then their faces came together, and they shared a very heated kiss. Xander was only vaguely aware of a flustered Giles exiting the kitchen, mumbling something about public displays of affection. His eyes still hadn’t left the cuddling couple as the kiss broke and Amy began to nuzzle her neck. “Mmm, you smell good,” she cooed. Tara just giggled as she returned the embrace.

“Um, Buffy,” Xander said when he finally found his voice again. “Remember earlier when you were telling me what I missed these last five years?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said.

“I think you forgot something.”

Buffy followed his gaze into the kitchen and to the two lovebirds. She smiled. “Did I forget to mention that,” she said, trying to hold in a laugh at Xander’s reaction.

Xander finally tore his eyes away from them and looked at Buffy. He saw her mischievous smile and couldn’t help but smile back. He stood from his chair and sat down next to Buffy on the couch. Leaning closer to her he whispered. “All right, spill.”

“Well,” Buffy started, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “I guess it really started with Willow and Tara. When Tara first met Willow at their Wicca group, she developed a little crush on her. The more time they spent together, the closer they became. Tara finally told Willow how she felt one night. And Willow, well…”

“What?”

“Willow told her that as much as she cared for her, her heart did and always would belong to someone else.”

“Oz,” Xander said, crestfallen.

“No, you idiot!” Buffy said smacking him on the leg. “You! When Oz left, Willow was upset, but when you left she was destroyed. She told me that she took for granted that you’d always be here, and when you just disappeared, she realized how important you were to her. She told me that she felt like a piece of her had left too.” The color slowly drained out of Xander’s face. “It happened to you too, didn’t it?” Buffy asked.

He nodded. “That’s exactly what it felt like,” he said. “I felt like I wasn’t whole. The longer I spent away from her the more it hurt, and the more afraid I got. Oh god, how will she ever forgive me?”

Buffy put a reassuring hand on his leg. “She’s Willow. That’s what she does.”

Xander nodded, and silently prayed to himself that she was right. “So what happened with Tara and Amy?”

“Well, Willow and Tara were still friends, but the tension was there. They figured out the counter spell to bring Amy back, and they did it. Amy was a little disoriented for a few days, but she was otherwise fine. Tara helped to take care of her, and pretty soon Amy was back to her old self. The three of them started practicing magic together, and Amy began to sense the tension between Willow and Tara. She asked Willow about it, but she just shrugged it off. Then, one night when Amy and Tara were alone, Amy asked her. Tara broke down and told her everything. They started to grow closer, leaning on each other during tough times, and it just sort of happened.”

“How did Willow react?” Xander asked.

“She was and is genuinely happy for them. All she ever wanted was for Tara to be happy. That’s all Willow ever wanted for anyone. I just think she thinks that her own happiness has to be the cost. She’s given up so much for all of us. She practically supports us with her software company. I just wish she would get something back for it, you know. She really deserves to be happy.”

“Oh god, I’m sorry Buffy. I’m sorry,” Xander said.

“I know Xander, but I’m not the one you have to tell.”

*

Dinner had been wonderful. They talked about old times. They laughed and joked, and for the first time in a long time Xander felt like himself again. He felt like he was home again. After dinner, they patrolled as had become the custom in Xander’s absence. Xander had volunteered to join them, and now he walked through the park side by side with Willow. Buffy and Riley had paired off, leaving them in a not so subtle move on Buffy’s part for them to talk. Willow fidgeted with the stake in her hand as she walked, Xander just kept his hands in his pockets. He honestly never thought he’d be this shy around his best friend, but for several moments he couldn’t think of anything to say.

“So…” he started. Willow looked up. “Things sure have changed around here,” he said. He mentally kicked himself. ‘Smooth Harris, real smooth.’

“Yeah, I guess so,” Willow said. “But in a way, they’re still the same.”

They lapsed into silence again until Xander spotted the swing set in the distance. He smiled and picked up his pace as they walked toward it. He laid his hand on the cold metal, and he smiled again. It was just a simple metal swing set with two swings. The chains were rusted, the paint was peeling off of it, but to Xander it looked like home. He rounded the side and sat down on one of the swings. “God, this brings back memories,” he said.

Willow took the swing beside him. She had to admit, it did bring back memories. All the nights of slaying that they had spent, sitting on these very swings and waiting for the undead to show up. Of all the heart to hearts that had taken place here, all the long talks she had had with her friends. Of her childhood, swinging back and forth without a care in the world.

“Remember when Jesse and me got in a contest to see who could swing the highest,” Xander said.

“I remember that you fell and broke your arm,” Willow said.

“That’s right,” Xander said as he remembered. “And you and Jesse helped me back home. And I remember that you wouldn’t stop crying.”

“Hey, give me a break, I was six,” Willow said with a laugh. Xander laughed too. “Besides, I was worried about you.”

“I remember that I didn’t want to cry, because I didn’t want you to be scared,” Xander said. “That’s all I kept thinking about, that what I regretted the most was that I made you cry.” Xander looked over and saw Willow lower her head. “I’m sorry Willow,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

Willow wiped the tears from her cheek. “I want to be mad at you,” she said. “Goddess, it would be so much easier if I could be mad at you,” she cried. “But like everything else bad that ever happened to me, I turned it on myself. I wondered what it was that I said or did that made you leave.”

“Nothing Willow, you didn’t do anything. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Don’t lie to me Xander. You didn’t just up and walk out of our lives with not so much as a goodbye for nothing. What happened? Was your life here really so terrible?”

What an odd question to ask on the Hellmouth, Xander thought. “No Willow, it wasn’t terrible.” And what an odd answer. “I met the most important people in my life here. The people I love.” Xander sighed. “I wish I could tell you that I left so I could make my life my own, but that’s just what happened afterwards. I left because I didn’t feel needed anymore. More than anything, that’s all I wanted, to feel needed. When we were kids, and Cordelia would make fun of you and I would stand up to her, I felt needed. And every time you smiled at me or laughed at one of my stupid jokes, I felt needed. Even with Buffy and the whole slaying thing, I still felt like I had a part in it. Maybe that’s why it hurt so much when it was all taken away. I hadn’t changed, but everything around me had, and I felt…obsolete. But Willow, please believe me, it’s no excuse for what I did and I don’t pretend that it is.” Xander sighed again and looked down. “I’ve realized something over the past five years, something that I wish I had realized then. It didn’t matter whether or not you needed me, I needed you. I was just too scared to come back.”

“But you were always needed Xander,” Willow said, tears still in her voice. “I always needed you.” She paused. “I guess I didn’t show it sometimes, but we were best friends.”

“And we drifted apart,” Xander said. “That’s what friends do.”

“Oh Xander, please don’t. You don’t know how many times I’ve run through that conversation in my mind and wished I could have taken those things back. I’m sorry, Goddess Xander, a thousand times I’m sorry. But how long to I have to pay for that mistake?” Her tears grew to sobs as she let her head fall into her hands.

Xander immediately went to her, pulling her into a hug. “Oh, Willow,” he cried as she buried her face in his chest. “You were never meant to pay for anything.”

“It’s just that…” Willow trailed off as she tried to stop crying. She pulled back a little and looked up at Xander. “I never realized how much you meant to me until you were gone. And then it was too late, and I was afraid I’d never get to tell you how much I…” she trailed off again as the tears returned.

Xander pulled her in tighter. “You didn’t have to tell me Willow, I knew. I guess in a way, I always knew.” Willow looked up at him again, surprised. Xander reached down and wiped a tear off her cheek with his thumb. “Ever since I can remember, you’ve been the most important person in my life. I know I’ve been a bit thick in the past, but what can I say, you always were one step ahead of me.” He smiled sadly as he pushed a lock of hair away from her face. “Or maybe I was just always too late. I’m sorry Willow, for everything I’ve ever put you through. And I’m sorry if this comes at a bad time, but there’s something I have to say.” The earth seemed to stand still as he paused to take a breath before speaking the next sentence. “I love you.” Xander paused again, trying to gage her reaction. “Am I still too late?”

Willow laughed at that. Her face covered in tears, and she laughed. She pulled away from the hug and took Xander’s hand, leading him to the metal post of the swing set. “Let me show you something,” she said. She reached over and brushed some dirt away from the post, and pointed at something.

Xander leaned down and moved to the side to let the light from the nearby streetlight shine on the post. There, carved into the paint, was a heart. And inside the heart, in the handwriting of a child, it said WR loves AH, 4ever. “I put that there the day after you broke your arm,” she said. “You were right, I was scared. That was the first time I thought I might lose you, even though it was just a broken arm.” Willow laughed nervously. “I was only six.”

Xander looked astonished as he turned to meet her eyes. “You knew even then,” he said in a whisper.

Willow closed the distance between then in a few steps, and wrapped her arms around Xander. “You could never be too late Xander,” she said looking up at him. “I would have waited forever. I love you.”

Xander was speechless, so he did the first thing that came to mind. He kissed her. And the moment there lips touched, he knew that it was right. All the doubts, all the fear, it disappeared. The very world around them faded away, until all they were aware of was each other. It was a perfect moment. It was the perfect kiss.

*

Mary Stevens walked down Main Street of the small California town called Sunnydale. It was late at night, and she asked herself again for the hundredth time what the hell she was doing there. One moment, she was in San Francisco where she lived, and the next she was on her way to Sunnydale. A phone call, telling her that something from her past awaited her there. Telling her that the power of her ancestors still called Sunnydale it’s home, and that all she had to do was to claim it. Mary had been a wannabe Wicca for as long as she could remember. Her mother would tell her stories, stories that she used to believe were fairy tales, but later in life began to believe as fact. If what the woman on the other end of that phone had said was true, and all she had to do was get in touch with her past to awaken the powers that lay dormant inside of her. It would be a dream come true. And now, she walked the streets, the woman’s cryptic instructions still rattling around in her head. Why was she being so secretive? Why had she insisted that Mary not tell anyone where she was going, or why? These were all questions floating around in Mary’s head, but her curiosity and desire to be more then what she was overcame her fears.

“Mary. Mary Stevens.”

Mary turned as she heard someone call her name. It was an ally off of the main street, where a shadow cast down to cover the person who beckoned her. All she could see was shadow, as the figure moved back into the ally. Mary followed. “Hello!” she called out. “Is that you!”

“You’ve come to claim your power,” the voice said.

Mary still couldn’t see her, but she answered anyway. “Yes. Yes I have.”

“You know of your bloodline,” the voice said. “There can be no mistake, and there is no choice. The conditions must be met, and the curse must end. I’m sorry, I truly am.”

“I don’t understand, what…”

Mary’s words were cut short when she was struck from behind. Everything turned black, leaving one final thought to float across Mary’s mind. ‘How could I have been so foolish?’

Mary’s attacker stood over her unconscious body and slowly withdrew a triangular knife from under her clothes. She knelt beside her and raised the knife over her head. Tears streaked down the woman’s face. “Goddess forgive me,” she whispered. Then she brought the knife down, and plunged it into Mary’s heart.

*

Xander drove the rented Ford Taurus through the streets of Sunnydale. Rachel sat beside him in the passenger seat, and Riley Finn sat in the back. “So, Xander,” Riley started. “How did things go with you and Willow last night?”

Xander cast a glance in the rearview mirror. Riley just smiled nervously. “Fine,” Xander said evenly.

“Fine?” Riley repeated. “Just…fine?”

Xander looked back at him again, and then over to Rachel who was smiling. “Don’t look at me,” she said. “I want to hear about what happened too.”

“We just…talked,” Xander said.

“About?” Rachel prompted.

Xander let out a sigh, realizing that he wasn’t going to get out of this conversation with anything less then full disclosure.

“Come on Xander,” Riley said. “If I don’t go back with details, Buffy’s going to kick my ass. And we both know she can do it too.”

Xander smiled at that. “We just…we got a lot of things out in the open. We explained to each other how we felt, and while I wouldn’t say that things are totally fixed, we’re on the right track.” The car pulled up next to a Sunnydale PD black and white and Xander shut the engine off. “Oh, and we kissed,” he said as an afterthought as he was getting out of the car.

Rachel and Riley just looked at each other in surprise for a moment before frantically exiting the car to catch up to him.

“What have we got?” Xander asked as he approached the crime scene, snapping a pair of latex gloves onto his hands.

John Grant stood from where he had been crouched next to the body. “Say hello to victim number four,” he said. “Mary Stevens, 26.”

“Grace?” Xander asked.

Dr. Grace Alverez looked up from the corpse. “Blunt force trauma to the back of the head, single stab wound through the heart. The wound is consistent with the other victims, I’d say it’s the same guy…or girl, or whatever.”

“Not to mention that she left her calling card again,” John said, pointing to the wall of the building next to them. Drawn on the brick with chalk was an Aurora circle.

“What do we know?” Xander asked.

“The address on her driver’s license is in San Francisco,” John answered, flipping through his notebook. “The family has been alerted, and once again, they had no idea what she was doing in Sunnydale. They did mention though that their family comes from Sunnydale. Oh, and get this, our vic had a serious interest in Wicca.”

“Somehow I’m not surprised,” Xander said as he leaned down to examine the body. “These victims aren’t random, it doesn’t fit the profile. She’s killing for a reason.”

“Agreed,” Rachel said as she too leaned down.

“Riley, have there been any other unsolved murders of this nature in Sunnydale in the past couple years?” Xander asked.

“Nothing we haven’t already accounted for and…eliminated,” Riley answered, glancing at John.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve been introduced,” John said.

“Riley Finn, Military attaché to the Sunnydale PD,” Riley said shaking John’s hand.

“Military? What’s their interest in this?” John asked.

“Riley is a friend, John,” Xander interrupted. “He’s here as a favor to me. He’s one of the only competent people associated with the Sunnydale PD.”

“Gee, thanks Xander,” Riley said. “I think.”

Just then Xander’s cell phone rang. He fished it out of his pocket and flipped it open. “Harris,” he answered.

“Xander it’s George, I have something for you.”

“What’s up?”

“Well, when I got the information on victim number four it got me thinking. We thought that none of the victims had reason to be in Sunnydale, except the one who lived here of course. But Mary Stevens’ family was from here originally, so I started looking into the family trees of the other victims, and guess what.”

“They all come from Sunnydale too,” Xander said.

“Yes, but they don’t just have familial ties to Sunnydale, they have ancestral ties. It seems that all the victims come from families that have been in this country, specifically Sunnydale, since as far back as I can find. As far back as 1905.”

“1905?” Xander said in surprise. That’s when something clicked in Xander’s brain, and it all started falling together. “Of course,” he mumbled.

“Pardon?” George asked.

“George, I need you to go back further. Trace each victim’s direct bloodline, from mother to daughter as far back as you can and get me the name of their earliest ancestor that lived here in Sunnydale.”

“How far back do you want me to go?” George asked.

“Ahh, 1782,” Xander said sheepishly.

“What!” George exclaimed. “I can’t go back that far! They barely had paper records back then, let alone anything that would have been transcribed onto a computer.”

“Just go as far back as you can George, I need those names,” Xander said.

“All right, I’m on it,” George said. “But what’s this all about Xander?”

“Right now it’s just a hunch, but I think I might have just found what links our victims. Get back to me as soon as you can George.”

“All right, bye.”

“Later,” Xander said as he turned off the phone and put it back in his pocket. He was so lost in thought that for a moment he didn’t even see Rachel and Riley standing in front of him.

“What’s up?” Rachel asked.

“Like I said, it’s just a hunch. I need to talk to Giles and Amy, come on,” he said as he started back to the car.

“Xander!” John called out. “You’d better report to Bailey, he’s going to be wondering what the hell happened to you.”

“I’ll talk to him as soon as I think of something…I mean as soon as I have something to report,” Xander said with a sheepish grin, leaving a very confused John Grant as the three of them drove away.

*

Xander, Rachel and Riley arrived at Giles’ place to find what Xander used to refer to in his youth as a research party. Giles, Willow, Tara and Amy sat around the room, all with noses buried in books. “What, a party and no one invited me?” Xander quipped with a smile.

They all looked up upon hearing his voice, Willow giving him a special smile. Xander returned it, and turned back to the others. “Do you have news, Xander?” Giles asked.

“Well, it looks like we have four victims now. This one this morning definitely fits the profile, but that isn’t why I stopped by. I have a hunch about something. Amy, do you think you can find the names of the five members of Aurora’s coven who were cursed?”

Amy looked up from her book again. “Um…I guess so,” she said, turning back to look at the bookshelves behind her. “It might take some time though.”

“Well, try to hurry. If I’m right, our killer’s only got one more victim to go before she’s finished.”

“Xander, what are you talking about? Please, tell us what you know,” Giles asked.

“Well, we’ve been operating on the assumption that our killer is trying to stop something from happening, like a prophecy. But what if she’s trying to stop something that already happened, like a curse,” Xander explained.

“A curse? You mean the curse on Aurora’s coven?” Willow asked.

“Exactly. Amy said that it affects their descendants too, maybe someone’s finally trying to put an end to it,” Xander said.

“By killing the descendants of the original five people who were cursed,” Tara said, understanding what Xander was saying.

“The original way to break the curse was to bring the five girls back to Sunnydale and kill them, but since the curse was passed through the generations, killing their descendents should break the curse too,” Xander said.

“Here it is.” Everyone looked up to see Amy pulling a large book off the shelves. “It’s a bound copy of the Sunnydale Tribune from 1780 to 1785,” she said handing the book to Xander. “Be careful with it, the pages are very old.”

Xander nodded as he took the book. He retrieved a pair of reading glasses from his inside pocket and carefully began paging through the newspapers. “Amy, tell me more about this curse. What exactly does it do, and how exactly does it pass through the generations?” he asked.

“Typical bad fortune curse, with a little extra emphasis on the bad,” Amy answered. “It passes through the female bloodline, mother to daughter.”

“I suspected as much,” Xander mumbled.

“The curse focuses on the youngest female of the bloodline though. As I said, the spell was poorly worded, so there isn’t too much finesse to it. All of the curse’s power tends to settle to the lowest point in the bloodline, like rain flooding a valley.”

“So the entire curse is focused on one girl?” Rachel asked, peeking over Xander’s shoulder. “How horrific.”

“What about you Amy?” Xander asked. “Being Aurora’s descendant, are you affected?”

“No,” Amy answered. “The spell was only cast on the girls that escaped capture. Aurora was already dead by then, so there was no point in cursing her.”

“Could you get me the exact wording of the spell?” Xander asked.

“Sure,” Amy answered, heading back over to the bookshelf.

“Ah, here it is,” Xander said as he found the part he wanted. “September 9, 1782. Aurora Madison burned at the stake as a heretic…practicing witchcraft…five other girls present…identities undiscovered,” Xander read aloud as he skimmed. “It doesn’t have their names here, they were never discovered,” he said.

“Check the Missing Persons section for the same day,” Amy said, still looking through the books on the shelf.

Xander flipped the page and started reading again. “Missing Persons…Patricia Stevens…Jane Adams…Margaret Jackson…Colleen O’Brien…and a Native American girl who went by the name Raindancer.”

“It says ‘Native American’?” Willow asked.

Xander smiled. “I’d rather not read what it actually says, makes me ashamed to be a human.”

“The first four you said are either the same last name, or similar, to our four victims,” Rachel said, looking at her note pad.

“So that just leaves Raindancer,” Tara said. “So, her descendant must be the next victim.”

“Actually, I don’t think so,” Xander said. “You see, the only thing missing here is motive. I mean, for someone to want this curse to end so badly that they’re willing to kill, they’d have to be affected by it pretty strongly.”

“Here’s the spell, Xander,” Amy said, coming back from the bookshelf with another old text. She opened it to the correct page and handed it to Xander.

“Thanks Aims,” Xander said as he started perusing the page. Everyone in the room’s eyes were on him as he read silently and nodded to himself. “That’s what I thought,” he said grimly.

“What?” Willow asked.

“Here, where the spell is cast, it says ‘the five heretics that escaped capture and all their decedents’,” Xander said, pointing at the book. “But here, where it tells how to break the curse, it just says ‘five members of the satanic group’, meaning the coven. You were right Amy, it is poorly worded. Or at least, inconsistently worded,” he said removing his glasses.

“I don’t understand,” Riley said. “What does this mean?”

“It means that if we look for that knife that the killer uses, we’ll more then likely find that it’s Chumash in design. And it means that Raindancer’s desendent isn’t the next victim,” Xander said. “She’s the killer.”

“Then who’s the next target?” Riley asked.

Xander looked up and locked eyes with Amy. She was trembling. Her face was suddenly very pale and she looked like she was about to vomit. When she spoke, it was in a quiet, scared voice. “Me.”




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