Title: You Can’t Go Home Again
Author: Paradox761
Email: Paradox761@mail.com
Website: members.tripod.com/~Paradox761
Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy or Profiler, and I don’t claim to. No copyright infringement is intended so please don’t sue. I don’t have any money anyway. Also, let me say that I know absolutely nothing about the Wicca religion. Everything in this story has either come from things I’ve observed on Buffy and other TV shows, or from my own mind (Yes, that’s right, I just made it up. Deal with it). No offense is intended.
Summary: Xander’s frustration about being the Zeppo finally comes to a head mid season 4, so he takes off intent on proving himself to those he feels don’t believe in him. He comes to some realizations on his own, and he makes some new friends in the FBI. But a series of murders in Sunnydale forces Xander to come home sooner then he would have liked. Can he use his newfound wisdom to patch things up with his old friends while keeping the secret truth about vampires from his new friends, all while trying to catch a killer?
(BtVS/Profiler, W/X)

Hours later as the sun was beginning to set, the gang still sat around Giles’ living room. Amy was dozing in Tara’s arms on Giles’ couch. Even with all the danger she had faced before as a Slayerette, Amy was still rather upset by the revelation that she was the next target of the killer they were after. Tara comforted her and tried to get her to relax, but it was clear that she was scared too. Rachel had gone back to report to Bailey, even though there still wasn’t very much to report beyond speculation. And George had called with the names Xander has asked for, confirming what they now already knew. Giles sat with a book, Buffy and Riley were getting ready for patrol, and Willow was seating in front of her laptop. Xander walked up behind her a laid a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and smiled. “Found anything yet?” he asked her.

“Actually, yes,” Willow answered. She motioned for Xander to pull up a chair next to her. He did and she continued. “Well, first I tried to start with Raindancer and work up. The only tribe close to Sunnydale at the time was the Chumash, as you know. Unfortunately, there were never any real records kept on them, names and the like. So then I looked through all the Reservations in California from the early 1800s, but no Raindancer. Then I ran the name through a couple of Native American search engines that I found. I got a few hits, but nothing on our girl. Then I…”

“Willow, I hate to interrupt you,” Xander broke in. “But you did say that you actually found something.”

“I was getting to that,” she said with a smile. “I just wanted to remind you how good I am.”

Xander slipped his hand overtop of hers where it rested on the armrest of her chair. “No need,” he whispered.

She smiled again. “Anyway, it finally occurred to me that I should work backwards. Now, I think we can assume from the knife that our killer holds her heritage important, and we can assume from the way she seems to know Sunnydale that she’s from here or lives here still, so I did a search through the National Census records keying on people who put Sunnydale as their town, and Native American as their ethnic group. I’m still waiting for the results.”

“Good thinking Wills,” Xander said.

“I just hope it works,” she said. “We have to find her before she goes after Amy,” Willow said, lowering her voice so she wouldn’t be overheard.

“Don’t worry Willow, I’m not going to let anything happen to her or any of you,” Xander said.

Willow looked up at her long time friend, looking him over as though seeing him for the first time again. “You deal with cases like this a lot, don’t you? People who aren’t really evil, just sick.”

Xander nodded. “I never thought I’d say this, but in a lot of ways, fighting vampires and demons is easier. With them you know where you stand, where they stand. They’re evil, you kill them, simple as that. But with people, it’s rarely ever that simple. I guess that’s why I hooked up with the Behavioral Sciences Unit. I wanted to know what made humans tick.”

“You’ve been through so much these last few years. I’m a little jealous. I mean, after all, we’ve just been up to the same old thing, killing vampires and what not.”

Xander smiled at that. “Never did I think that killing vampires would ever fall under the category of ‘the same old thing.’ Seriously though, Willow, I’m the one who’s jealous. Seeing all of you together, like a family. Knowing that I could have been part of that.”

“But you are a part of it Xander,” Willow said. “You just…took an extended vacation. Besides, it wasn’t like you weren’t entitled to your own life.”

“But I want my life to be here Willow,” Xander said. “With you.” He reached over and took her hand in his.

Willow smiled as she squeezed his hand. “Maybe, we can teach each other what we’ve learned while we’ve been apart,” she said. “You could tell me about behavioral science and I could tell you about software design. That way, it won’t be like a mistake. There’ll be some good to it.”

Xander smiled. Leave it to his Willow to always find the upside. “I love you, Willow,” he whispered.

“I love you too, Xander,” she answered, wanting nothing more then to kiss him right there and then. But she refrained due to the crowded nature of the room.

Their perfect moment was broken by the voice of Spike. “Come on you two, are we going or what,” he said to Buffy and Riley as he descended the stairs, pulling on his duster.

“We were waiting for you,” Buffy shot back.

“Well then, let’s go,” the vampire said. Buffy just shook her head as the three of them headed for the door.

“Wait guys!” Willow called out as her computer started beeping at her. “I think I’ve got something.”

Buffy and Riley walked over to where Willow and Xander were sitting. Spike just sat down on the end of the couch, looking utterly bored. Giles put his book down and gave his attention to Willow, as did Amy who was starting to wake up, and Tara.

“I was doing a search on Native Americans in Sunnydale, and I only got one hit,” Willow said.

“You mean there’s only one Native American in all of Sunnydale,” Buffy said. “That’s…kind of sad.”

“Yeah, well, if you wankers hadn’t bloody well killed them all a hundred years ago, I might be surprised too,” Spike said.

“Shut-up, Spike!” Buffy, Giles, and Riley all said in unison.

“Sad as it may be, in our case it also happens to be lucky,” Xander said. “What else, Willow?”

“Her name is Judith Raines,” Willow said.

“Raines? That can’t be a coincidence,” Tara said.

“I’ll try and see if she has a criminal record,” Willow said, her hands flying over the keyboard with lightning speed. After a few moments she sighed. “No record,” she said. “I’ll check the hospitals next.”

“What about an address?” Riley asked.

“No,” Xander said. “She’s too close now. She’s not going to be caught that easily.”

“Here,” Willow said. “She’s listed as next of kin for a Sara Raines, a coma patient.”

“Mother?” Giles asked.

“No, younger sister,” Willow responded.

“Well, that makes sense,” Tara said. “If her younger sister is the one the curse is focused on, and she dies, then the curse would turn to her.”

Xander nodded thoughtfully. “What else, Willow?”

“Well, it definitely looks like Sara was the one who was cursed. Her medical file reads like a horror novel. She’s been in a coma for eight months, and in the year before that alone, she was in four car accidents, broke seventeen bones, she was mugged six times, assaulted four times, had nineteen household accidents, and was hospitalized a total of twenty-two times.”

“Oh my,” Giles said.

“Unlucky girl,” Spike said from the couch.

“I’ll say,” Xander agreed. “Okay, it looks like this is our girl. Now we just have to figure out how to catch her.”

“Sounds like the FBI’s department,” Tara said, slightly angrily. “Now that you know who she is, why don’t you go catch her?”

“If she is a witch, the authorities are ill-equipped to deal with her,” Xander answered calmly. “She could hurt a lot of people, and the chances are they won’t be able to take her alive. We can.”

“How?” Willow asked.

“Simple, we set a trap,” Xander answered.

“With Amy as bait!” Tara said incredulously. “I think I hate this plan.”

“Amy won’t be in any danger, Tara,” Xander said. Then he looked to Amy. “I promise. We’ll have you backed up on all sides. Once we safely neutralize her as a threat, then Rachel and I can talk her down. Make her give up without hurting herself or anyone else.”

Amy slowly nodded her head. “Okay,” she said, forcing strength into her voice. Tara looked upset, but she didn’t say anything.

“Okay, if I’m right, she’ll try and contact you within the next day or so. Once we know when and where she’ll be, we can put our plan into effect,” Xander said.

"We should be careful,” Giles said. “As you said, she is a witch. She may have powers that we are unaware of.”

"Yeah, well we have something that she doesn't have," Xander said.

"A slayer," Buffy spoke up.

"Uh, actually I was going to say a witch's trinity," Xander said.

"Yes, or course," Giles said, heading for the bookshelf. "We could do a binding spell of some sort, prevent her from using her powers."

"We’re going to need something non-magical too," Xander said. "Something non-lethal. Riley, do you still have your old pulse rifle?"

"Yeah," Riley answered.

"Perfect," Xander said. "This is going to require a little more tactic and a little less brute force then usual."

"Guess that leaves you and me out Luv," Spike said to Buffy with a wink. Buffy just shot him a dirty look.

"Not so fast Spike," Xander said. "I'm going to need you for something else later, so don't go anywhere."

Spike shrugged. "Where am I going to go?" he mumbled.

"Okay," Xander said. "Here's the plan..."

*

They didn't have to wait very long. The next day Amy got a mysterious phone call. The woman on the other end spoke of reclaiming lost power. Amy played her part perfectly. She refused to meet the mystery woman in an alley, and told her that if she wanted to meet that she would have to come to her. Xander knew that she would do whatever Amy said, she was too close to back off now. And so the plan went into effect, and the meeting was to take place in the courtyard outside Giles' condo, the next night.

The gang spent the rest of that day making preparations. Xander decided to keep Bailey and the others out of the loop. There wasn't enough time to come up with explanations, and frankly in this situation, they would just get in the way. Once Judith Raines was in custody, then he'd make his report. Telling Bailey that there hadn't been enough time, and hoping that his superior bought it, and that he got to keep his badge when all was said and done. He wasn't really worried though, Bailey trusted him. And maybe even deep down he knew that there was some stuff that he was just better off not knowing. He only wished now that he hadn't had to involve Rachel in all of this, but it really had been unavoidable. It didn't matter now though, everything would be back to normal soon. Or at least what passed for normal around here.

Xander stepped out into the courtyard to get a breath of fresh air. After spending the day cooped up in Giles' apartment, going over every aspect of the plan, he was feeling a little restless. He spotted Buffy, sitting at the table and looking up at the sky. A forlorn expression on her face. "Hey Buff, what's up?" he said, sitting down next to her. "You look like somebody just shot your dog."

"I'm fine," Buffy said unconvincingly.

Xander reached over and took her hand. She turned to face him. "Buffy, I know I haven't been here, and I haven't been a very good friend. But I'm here now," he said squeezing her hand.

Buffy squeezed back. "I don't know. I just feel so...useless."

"You? Useless?" Xander asked in shock. "Slay-gal, the all mighty Buffy. How could you possibly think you're useless?"

"But that's just my point," Buffy said. "Yeah, I'm the slayer, but is that all I'm good for? I can kill demons and vamps but when it comes to dealing with people, I don't know my ass from my elbow."

"Buffy, that's not true at all. What about Jonathan, what about your work at the Rape Crisis Center? You help people all the time. And you shouldn't trivialize what you do as the slayer. You've saved the world, remember. A couple of times."

"It's just not that simple," Buffy said. "I mean, look at your plan. I'm the only one that doesn't have a part in it. Even Spike has something to do, whatever it is."

Xander smiled. The irony was palpable. "Welcome to my world," he said. "Guess what Buff, you're not perfect. Nobody can be the hero 24/7. Not even you. And you know what, that's okay. You don't have to be perfect. If there's one thing I've learned chasing after people instead of demons, it's that nothing is ever cut and dry. There are very few real heroes left in this world, but you're one of them. You can't let one instance overshadow everything you've done. You are the bravest, strongest person I know. And I don't just mean physically. You've been through some stuff that would cause most people to run screaming. But you stayed and fought. I told you once that you were my hero. And you know what, you still are."

Buffy just looked at him for a second before reaching over and pulling him into a hug. Xander just hugged her back. "You really are a good friend, Xander," she said. "You always have been. I wish we had seen that five years ago."

“It's okay, Buff.”

“I want you to know something,” Buffy said. “I don't blame you for leaving.”

Xander smiled. He had been so afraid to come back, afraid of what he would find. But he should have known. They were his friends, the people he loved. As long as he found them, the rest didn't matter. She was forgiving him, and for the first time in a long time, Xander felt worth forgiveness. “Thank you, Buffy,” he said hugging her tighter. “Thank you.”




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