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Part 6

Present, Angel Investigations.

Angel only half-listened to the comments and bickering behind him as he shifted restlessly back and forth in front of the desk on the balls of his feet. Despite the now blank computer screen, he could still see the video playing over and over again in his mind, and one scene in particular: Buffy jumping up in Xander's arms, his hands groping her, their lips meeting.

It took him back, years before, to that day in the Bronze, how she jumped into his arms exactly the same way. The memory was still vivid in his mind, complete with the same underlying feelings of jealously and doubt that had filled him even then - only today it was multiplied.

"Saw you making friends."

"Them? Boys. I like you."

They had only begun to let their guard down around each other, to touch, to kiss. little things he had missed so much, but was afraid to allow for fear that he would reach a point in which he could no longer retain control. it was too great of a risk to even contemplate. Ultimately, those feelings contributed to his decision to leave Sunnydale as he became convinced that Buffy would be better off without him.

But now. what was she doing?  He could find no reasons to explain away what he had seen to his satisfaction. He certainly never expected to see her behaving so. irrationally was word that came immediately to mind.  Skydiving, slaying on video - while dressed so scantily - and who knows what else - it all had to be the influence of Xander Cage, who obviously was lacking in common sense, what with the reckless behavior he was apparently known to engage in on a regular basis.

"What does she see in that tattooed Neanderthal anyway?" he muttered under his breath as he thrust his hands in his pockets.

"Uh, tattooed Neanderthal?" Cordy queried wryly, one eyebrow quirking upward. "And, what exactly is that thing on your back if not a tattoo?" 

Angel hadn't realized that he had spoken out loud until he heard Cordelia's question. He glanced around to see everyone watching him expectantly. His jaw snapped shut, but he didn't answer. Instead, he turned his back on his friends and stared once more at the flickering computer screen.

After a few minutes of silent contemplation, against all sensible argument, against the logic that had kept him firmly in Los Angeles for almost two years, against the rationale that he had perfected during that time about how Buffy was better off without him, how she needed a normal life, how he wasn't good enough for her, he whirled around, grabbed his coat and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" Cordelia called from behind him, her voice carrying through the wide expanse of the hotel lobby.

"Out," he said flatly, barely slowing his stride.

"Out?" Cordelia echoed suspiciously. "Out where exactly?" Her demanding tone was filled with both exasperation and concern.

"Sunnydale," he mumbled reluctantly. He slowed his steps of out politesse but still continued toward forward.

"Sunnydale?" Cordy repeated with a touch of alarm. Her wide eyes met Wesley's, communicating her nervousness and fear. "You're not going to do anything. rash are you?"

"No," Angel replied peevishly, shrugging into his coat with a quick jerk and fishing in his pocket for the keys.

"I'm coming with," Gunn declared, scooping up his jacket as he stepped around the desk and made to follow his boss.

"No," Angel said in a low voice, halting just inside the door. He finally turned to face the team, one hand held up for emphasis. "I'm going alone."

"Hey, I'm not giving up a chance to meet X," Gunn stated emphatically. He glanced at the others. "I was a fan way before any of you."

"Well, there's no way I'm going to miss this," Cordelia added, grabbing her purse from under the counter. After only a brief hesitation, she also grabbed a pair of stakes.

Angel inhaled deeply, trying to control his irritation and impatience. He wanted, no needed to talk to Buffy alone. "Someone has to stay here and take care of business."

"What business?" Wes asked glibly, tossing the remains of the Thai food into the garbage. He quickly tidied up the desk out of habit.  "Things have been, pardon the pun, dead for weeks."

Angel looked from one person to the next, taking in their looks of determination with no small amount of frustration.

"Look, I just want to go to Sunnydale and talk to Buffy. Alone," he explained curtly. "There's no need for you to worry. Or for." he waved his arm to indicate the stakes clutched Cordelia's hand, "those".

"We're still coming with you." Cordelia challenged him firmly, though she did drop the hand holding the stakes, hiding them behind her less than discreetly. She shot Wes a quick look as she started forward.

"Yes, I think it's probably best that we do come along," Wes agreed diplomatically, though his tone was resolved. Angel's current mood was uncertain at best; there was no telling what he planned in Sunnydale, but if was anything even close to what had happened after Angel and Buffy had met up after her resurrection, the former Watcher was certain that the vampire would need his friends for support.

"Road trip." Gunn nodded with a grin.

"I can finally see Sunnydale. Do you think we can actually stop by the Hellmouth?" Fred asked cheerfully, her expression hopeful as she waited for Angel's reply. "I'd like to see what it looks like - from a distance at least."

"Hey, so can I get a ride then?" Spike questioned cheerfully, breaking the silence that had fallen in the room. Four pairs of eyes turned to look at the blonde vampire. Given his uncharacteristic silence, they had practically forgotten about him.

"Fine," Angel muttered reluctantly, before turning and striding toward the door. He wasn't waiting; anyone that wasn't in the car by the time he was would be left behind.

Sunnydale.

Wearing a pair of black low-waist jeans and a pale pink top that left her midriff bare, Buffy stood in front of the mirror and put the finishing touches on her makeup.

"Almost ready," she said with a smile, her eyes in the mirror meeting those of the man currently lounging on her bed.

"Take your time," Xander murmured, content for the moment to watch her.  He had returned to Sunnydale just two days ago, having been dispatched to Irian Jaya to investigate what had been thought to be some sort of demon infestation. It turned out to be a group of indigenous Papuans that were particularly bloodthirsty in their quest for freedom from the Indonesian government. Once the team had determined that the cause wasn't supernatural, preternatural or even remotely mystical, they had attempted to evacuate but were unavoidably drawn into battle.  One member of X's team had been killed, and he himself had been shot in the upper arm. While initially painful, the wound was healing nicely now, and Xander was more than glad that he'd been able to convince Augustus that the best place for his recovery was Sunnydale.

"Are you sure you want to go out?" Buffy asked with concern, walking over to stand next to the bed.

Xander's eyes drifted over her, taking in her appearance. His gaze paused on the square-cut diamond that winked at him from her navel.

"Yeah, I'm sure. J.J.'d never forgive us if we didn't put in an appearance." Rolling up with only a slight wince, X glanced up at her face and smiled. "I like it. Sexy."

Returning his smile, Buffy inched closer to the bed and put her hand on his shoulder as his settled on the curve of her hip. "You think so?"

"Oh yeah." His deep voice was a rumble as he leaned forward and placed soft kisses on her taut stomach, near the new adornment.

"I was thinking of getting my nipple done too."

"That so?" Tilting his head, he looked up at her, trying to ascertain if she was serious or not.

"Yep," she returned, tossing her hair slightly. She had a playful grin on her lips and a teasing glint in her eye. It was fairly obvious that she wasn't serious, but still he played along.

"You're moving pretty fast." Xander swung his legs over the side of the bed then tugged her closer to stand between his knees. He nuzzled her breast gently, watching as her nipple hardened beneath the soft cotton. One large hand caressed her bottom, urging her closer still.

"But I thought you liked fast." Buffy teased, her fingertips tracing the back of his neck. Her eyes were half-closed as she watched him.

"Sometimes I like slow. Thought I showed you that last night," Xander murmured as his lips closed over one taut cloth covered peak. He nibbled it gently then leaned back to looked at her face.

Buffy climbed on the bed, straddling his lap. "You did." Just before their lips met, she added softly, "But I could use a reminder."

Angel pressed firmly on the accelerator, pushing the black GTX over a hundred miles an hour. He was trying hard to ignore the constant chatter that had been going on since they had left LA, but it was growing increasingly difficult.

From the backseat, Gunn avidly told tales about Xander Cage and his various stunts, each seeming more elaborate than the last. Cordelia commented on X's physical attributes, speculating about height, weight, workout routine, and even the color of his eyes.  Spike rolled his eyes often, but added his own opinion more often than not. 

In the front seat, Fred and Wes chatted about the Hellmouth and Sunnydale, Wes impressing the slender physicist with what seemed to be a never ending litany of daring deeds and hair raising experiences.

By the time the lights of Sunnydale came into view, Angel's head ached from clenching his jaw in an attempt to keep from interjecting his own disparaging comments into the conversations. The noise and distraction had also kept him from organizing his thoughts, not to mention, the entire trip had been predicated largely on emotion, not logic. As he turned the car onto Buffy's street, he wondered if she were going to think he had completely lost his mind.  Which, perhaps right now, wasn't that far from the truth.

"I can't believe this is still like the hot spot," Cordelia said with skepticism as they stepped through the door and into The Bronze. It had changed very little in the few years since she had been there, something that she noticed immediately and which had garnered several comments about the need to keep up with changing trends that Angel choose to ignore.

"Or maybe it's not," Gunn added, taking in the sparse crowd. There were a few younger kids, probably high school students, along with an assortment of people, most of who looked like they'd be more comfortable anywhere else. "At least not tonight."

"Tell me we're not going to have to go through all of Sunnydale's twelve cemeteries in search of our little Slayer," Cordelia muttered as the group made their way into the club. "Because I swore I would never set foot in one again after the dozen or so funerals I had to attend after graduation."  Again, Angel ignored the commentary as he quickly scanned the crowd in search of Buffy. The stop at the house on Revello Drive proved unsuccessful; no one had been home, so they continued their search at the next logical place.

"I think that girl over there is waving at. one of you." Fred said as she touched Cordelia lightly on the arm.

"It's Willow! Good old Willow," Cordelia declared almost overly enthusiastically, relieved that they might be closer to finding Buffy than she had thought. "Surely she'll know where to find Buffy." Grabbing Angel's sleeve, she practically drug him over to the table where Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya sat.

Willow greeted the AI team cheerfully, "Hey guys! What a surprise! I didn't think you ever got to Sunnydale. Well, not recently anyway. And not as a group. Oh, sorry. I'm babbling. Tara, that's Wesley, Cordelia, and Angel. And."

"I'm Fred." The brunette standing behind Cordelia added helpfully. "And this is Charles Gunn."

"Call me Gunn," Gunn corrected, nodding at the group sitting at the table.

"I'm Willow, and this is Tara, and that's Anya and Xander."

"Xander Cage?" Fred peered at Xander inquisitively. He didn't look at all like he appeared in the videos.

"Uh, no, not hardly," Anya corrected with giggle. "This one is Harris. Xander Harris. But he's taken. We're a couple."

"Ah," Fred said softly, remembering now the laughing comments that Spike had made about 'the other' Xander.

"I see you've heard of Mr. X, the muscle-bound, bald-headed, tattooed freak," Xander said derisively, earning him a hard look from Gunn.

"Is that why you're here? Looking for Xander?" Willow asked curiously, her gaze on Angel's face.

"Yes. No. I'm actually looking for-" Angel began stiffly. Did everyone have to be in on this?

"He wants to talk to Buffy." Cordelia interrupted as she jerked her thumb in Angel's direction. "He saw the Internet demon hunting thing with her new honey and wasn't real happy about it."

"Good. I hope someone can talk some sense into her." Xander eyed Angel with new respect. "She's being irresponsible and taking stupid chances - and we've tried to tell her, but she doesn't listen to us. Only to Triple X," the young man continued with a sneer, "the total loser freak, if you ask me. I don't know what she sees in him at all. I'm sure he's the one behind all the stupid stunts. The non-slaying ones, that is. Hey, if we'd have know that you were coming we could have set something up, so we could all confront her with her behavior. Not that it will work, since we tried that once, but, hey, maybe second time's a charm. If you can hang around, I'm sure we can get something together."

"We can't stay," Angel said flatly.

"Well, still, it good that you're here now, man." Xander paused, nodding sagely at Angel. "If anyone can get through to Buffy, it's you."

"Ah. The enemy of my enemy is my friend," Wes murmured softly, the words picked up by Angel's preternatural hearing and by Gunn who was standing next to the former Watcher, but no one else. Wesley could clearly hear the undercurrent of jealousy in the younger man's voice, and he wondered if Xander Harris had more than friendly feelings for Buffy.

"They go motorcycle racing," Willow blurted. She had to agree with Xander - if anyone could get through to Buffy it would probably be Angel.

"And skydiving. Don't forget the skydiving," Xander pointed out with disdain. "They even videotaped it."

"She was practically ignoring Dawn," Willow added seriously, as if that were the worse of acts. "And Dawn was stealing."

"But-but that's changed now. Dawn's straightened up now, thanks to Buffy getting-getting involved. She's even working with a tutor tonight," Tara corrected softly. She didn't agree with Willow or Xander about X's influence on Buffy and tried to voice her opinion both privately to Willow and with the group, but she had been largely ignored. They believed what they wanted and weren't open to seeing things any other way.

"He goes demon hunting with her now," Xander remarked petulantly, tapping his hand on the table. "She takes him instead of us."

"And don't forget the sex," Anya announced matter-of-factly.

Abruptly, everyone turned to stare at the former vengeance demon.

"Well, you said you didn't like that they were having sex," Anya said with a lift of her shoulders in the awkward silence. She shrugged off the stares, taking a sip of her soda.

"Do you know where I can find her?" Angel asked, wanting to stop the tell-all session before it went into any more detail. He was growing increasingly uncomfortable with Buffy's friends tattling on her to him.

"She went with the tattooed freak to some rave," Xander muttered resentfully.

"They usually have them in the abandoned warehouse buildings down by the docks." Tara  spoke softly, "But if you aren't on the invite list, you can't get in."

"Thanks." Angel nodded appreciatively. In a flash, he was gone. 

"I hate when he does that," Cordelia said with annoyance as she hurried toward the door. "Hurry, or I'm sure he'll leave us to walk." They said a quick good-bye, then the rest of the AI team hurried out behind Cordelia.

"Maybe we should go watch? Or help or something?" Xander asked after they left.

"No." Willow answered uncertainly. "That's probably not a good idea." She wasn't sure how Angel had found out about Buffy and Xander, though she had considered calling him a few times to see if he could talk some sense into Buffy. The question was, would the vampire be able to get through to her?

"And miss the fireworks? But it's what you've all been waiting for, isn't it?" Spike queried with a sardonic smirk as he strolled casually by the table, an unlit cigarette dangling out of his mouth.  Wesley released the blonde vampire only moments earlier, just before he raced to catch up with the others as they followed Angel on foot toward the docks.

With a knowing look that didn't quite hide his disdain, Spike disappeared through the back door.

The rave wasn't hard to find once they got near the docks. They simply followed the line of people and the loud music.  Angel pushed his way through the people crowed around the door of the once abandoned building, slowing as he reached the burly bouncer near the entrance. He impatiently handed the man a hundred dollar bill, and waited only a moment for the man's nod of acceptance before stepping through the door. 

Once inside the building, he paused, his eyes scanning the scene.  Loud and raucous heavy metal music pulsated through he entire building, a live band playing at one end on a makeshift stage. Firepots burned along the stage, giving the heavily made up band the look of being behind a wall of fire. In front of the stage a dense crowd of people gyrated and moshed to the music. The near wall was lined with a counter that served as a makeshift bar. 

He spotted her on his second sweeping glance of the building's interior.  She was dancing near the stage, toward the edge of the crowd. She was into the band and the music, and paying absolutely no attention the small group of admirers that were gathered around and watching her intently.  One of those admirers, Angel noted with displeasure, was Xander Cage. With his arm in a sling, the man leaned casually against the wall a few feet away.  His eyes were on Buffy as well, though he was smiling and talking with a pair of grungy looking kids, both wearing dark, baggy clothes and beanies.

Angel shouldered his way through the crowd, moving directly toward his former girlfriend. Behind him Cordelia could be heard chastising someone loudly as she, Wes and Gunn attempted to follow.

X pushed away from the wall when he noticed the dark-haired man moving determinedly through the crush of people and toward Buffy. Excusing himself from the conversation, he made his way toward Buffy as well.

Buffy, aware that her vampire senses were tingling at full alert, stopped dancing and slowly turned around to face the man that was now only a short distance away. She had initially doubted her Angel senses, thinking it completely impossible that he would be here of all places, but she quickly masked her surprised when she realized that she had been wrong.

Angel's gaze lit on the man now standing directly behind Buffy. His eyes moved from Xander's face to his damaged arm and back to his face again, and he scoffed slightly. One of X's stunts must not have turned out so well.  Still, he was a little surprised that the man was larger than he appeared from a distance or on video, his chest thick, his arms heavily muscled. They were on par height-wise as well, X standing only an inch or two shorter.

Both men drew steadily closer until they were standing only a few feet apart, Buffy between them.

The diminutive slayer glanced at Angel then back at Xander then back to Angel again.  The tension between the two men was obvious. The crowd around them had parted slightly, the people nearest stopping to watch the unfolding scene.

"Ok, so. Xander, this is Angel. Angel, this is Xander Cage." Buffy made the introductions coolly, making her displeasure with their behavior know by her tone and the pointed look that she gave to each of them.  

"Nice to meet you," Xander finally said, though there was no hint of a welcoming warmth in his deep voice. "So what are you doing here, Angel? I got the feeling that Sunnydale isn't your kind of town any more. That you preferred the city."

"I want to talk to Buffy," Angel fairly growled in response.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea," X remarked, a faint challenge in his tone.

"And I want both of you to remember that I'm standing right here," Buffy snapped, her eyes flashing angrily. "What are you doing here, Angel?"

Finally pushing through the crowd, Cordelia practically stumbled into Angel's back in her haste. Gunn, Fred, and Wes were close behind.

"You could have told the no-neck bouncer at the door that we were with you," Cordelia chastised breathlessly as she gave Angel a peeved look. "I practically had to flash him to get us in here."  

"And wow, you brought the whole team," Buffy noted sardonically. "Is this something dire? Do we need to prepare for an apocalypse?"

"No. I just want to talk to you," Angel answered, glancing at Buffy then back to X. "Alone."

Buffy considered his expression for a moment as well as the serious expressions of his colleagues.

"Please." It was an enormous concession from a man that had been close to losing his temper for the last four hours; that wanted nothing more than to wipe the floor with Xander Cage and then to shake some sense into Buffy until she saw things his way. Or maybe he just wanted to kiss her until that happened. he wasn't entirely sure.

Buffy inhaled deeply. Could she do this? Conversations with Angel tended to be painful, the last one, just days after her resurrection, more so than ever. But, she reminded herself, things were different now, she was different. And Angel was obviously determined, so. she would have to do this. Stiffing her spine, she reached for Xander's hand. "I'll be right back." Her expression slightly pleading, willing him to trust her, she squeezed his hand.

After a slightly hesitation, Xander reluctantly released her hand. He gave Angel a hard look of warning, but the vampire didn't glance back, his gaze trained on Buffy.  Xander watched the pair quietly until they disappeared out the back door.

"Dude! You just let your girl go into the back alley with that guy? Are you crazy?" Daniel, one of the two younger men that had been talking to Xander earlier, exclaimed in surprise. He and Nate had watched the entire exchange interestedly, X being a local hero of sorts to them.

"Yeah, man. What if he attacks her or something? I mean, man, he looked. kinda pissed off and mean." Nate added his own comments in his casual surfer drawl.

X turned to the two men with a level gaze. He gave them a polite but dismissive smile, "Buffy can handle herself. Trust me, I know."

"Xander Cage? Love your work, man," Gunn greeted as he approached. "I'm a big fan. I'd love to hear about-" 

"I'm Cordelia Chase, this is Wesley Wyndam-Pryce and that's Fred Burkle," Cordelia interrupted with a flirtatious smile. "You boys can talk stunts and manly stuff later. Right now I need a few minutes of your time."  Taking Xander's arm insistently, she led him away. When they reached a corner of some privacy, she stopped and looked up at him. "Now, tell me all about how you met our little Buffy."

The heavy door closed behind them, the sounds of the band now a muffled rumble.  Buffy walked a short way down the cluttered alley collecting her thoughts. She stopped under the only light in the alley, the dim white light casting the area in a grayish hue. As she turned to face the man behind her, she crossed her arms over her chest. The air was chilly and she wished for a moment that she brought a jacket. 

"Well?" She prompted, her voice strained.

"What are you doing, Buffy?" Angel blurted, thrusting his hands in his pockets. He couldn't believe how different she looked. Beautiful, but she had always been that.  No, it was more of a maturity. She was a woman now, not the girl he had known. If possible, she was more beautiful, more stunning than ever. And undeniably sexy.

"It's called dancing." Her tone was cool, impatient.

"Does Giles know about any of this?" He asked instead, ignoring her glib comment.

"What? The dancing?" Buffy returned sarcastically. "Or the having a good time part?"

"The sky diving? The motorbike racing? The demon hunting on camera?" He ground out, taking a menacing step toward her.

Undaunted, she stared back at him. "How. who told you about that?"

"Does it matter?  I know you've been taking a lot of unnecessary risks."

"Okay, so? I take risks every day, remember? Slayer. It comes with the territory," she snapped, annoyed.

"So I worry about you."  The diamond sparkling in her navel was a distraction, his eye repeatedly drawn to her midsection. When did she do that? And when did it get so sexy?

Buffy laughed, the sound harsh. "Right. Well, don't. I'm not your business anymore, Angel. And if that's all you came to say, you can just go back to LA now." 

"As a matter of fact," she continued, her anger flaring. "If I remember correctly it wasn't that long ago when I begged you - I begged you - to stay with me. I needed you. But all you said was no, you couldn't. You couldn't leave LA. We couldn't be together. Staying away from me was for my own good."

His answer was a snarl, "That's not what I said you know it. And that's not the only reason I couldn't come back here."

"It's close enough, isn't it?  I'll bet if I would have been Faith or your precious Cor-deel-ya, you would have found a way," Buffy sneered, long buried feelings of hurt and jealousy surfacing.

"Do you really believe that?" He asked softly, taken aback somewhat by her accusation. Did she really think that he would put either of them above her willingly?  Maybe in her eyes he had, but he had thought that she understood the reasons behind it.

"Look, it doesn't matter," she said, her temper abating slightly with the soft tone of Angel's voice and the concerned expression on his face. He could touch her more than anyone else could or ever had.  Suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to get out of this conversation before it got worse. "I don't know why you did what you did, but it doesn't matter any more. I don't care."

"I left you, Buffy, because I wanted you to have a normal life. I stayed away from you for the same reason. You deserve better."

Closing her eyes against the turmoil of emotions his words created, Buffy gritted out, "New flash, Angel. I'll NEVER have a normal life. NEVER. It will always be a freak show."

"It doesn't have to be, Buffy, but you've chosen that path by seeing Xander Cage," he said coldly.

"How dare you!" She snapped, her eyes blazing angrily as she stepped toward him. "That's none of your business."

"Are you telling me he's just some normal guy?  The kind of normal guy you always wanted?" he demanded furiously. "Because I don't buy that for a second."

"What do you care anyway?" She exploded furiously. "You left! You left me. In case you need a little reminder here, you told me one day that we'd make it work, then not even a month later you left. After a few discouraging words from the Mayor - who was EVIL - and a few suggestions from my mother, you tucked your tail between your legs and took off."

"I-"

"You listened to what they said and somehow decided that I needed sunlight and picnics. A fucking picnic, Angel?" She interrupted harshly. "When in hell did I ever ask you for a picnic?  When did I ever give you the idea that I wanted anything but you?"

"That's not the only reason we couldn't be together and you know it." He glared at her, his jaw clenched.

"Maybe, maybe not." She returned flippantly. "How could I when you never asked ME what I wanted, when you never talked to me about it at all. Never," she snarled hotly. They had variations of this conversation over the years, but never before had she fully expressed all of the pent up feelings and thoughts before tonight. Always before she had tiptoed around the issues, afraid perhaps of what might happen if she expressed herself honestly. Afraid too, of hurting Angel.

"You, in your infinite wisdom, decided that I was just some swoony little school girl that couldn't possibly know what I wanted. I couldn't possibly make decisions for myself. So you and the mayor and my Mom had to make them for me. I was old enough to fuck, but not old enough to make my own decisions. Kinda funny now that you think about it, isn't it?"

"Damn it, Buffy!" He wanted to shake her for that, for making him burn with the vivid image that her words created in his mind.

"But you know what? I'm a stronger person now, so I should thank you for making me to deal with my return on my own. I've learned and grown."

"You could have fooled me. you're actually like a spoiled brat that doesn't care whether she lives or dies," he sneered. "You're taking too many chances, and you damn well know it."

"Yeah, well, I had to claw my way out of my own damned grave, so forgive me if I'm a little short on patience."

In two long strides he reached her. Gripping her arms, he hauled her up close to face him. "You forget who you're talking to, sweetheart. I've clawed my way out of my own grave too. That's hardly an excuse."

With a hard shove, she pushed him way.  "You have no right to come here now and tell me how to live my life. None."

"I don't believe for a minute that you're happy."

"You don't even know me."

"Maybe I don't know you any more, but this. the tattoos, the piercings, the risks. this isn't the girl I know."

"It isn't? Then who is it, Angel?  Who is the real Buffy? The one that does her sacred duty without complaints? The one that lets her friends run her life, passing their hypocritical judgments and sanctimonious lies? The one that lets everyone else tell her what she wants and needs? Should I just sit back and do what I'm told?"

"That's not what I'm saying and you know it."

"Do I? I'm not the girl you knew any more, Angel, I' m a woman. I'm not going to sit around any longer hoping that someday the man I love will come back to me, that he'll decide I'm worth whatever price. Especially when you've made it abundantly clear that you don't want any kind of life with me. Instead I'm going to be with someone that wants to spend their life with me. Someone that accepts who I am and still wants me.  Because, like it or not, I'm still the Slayer. I'll always be the Slayer. We both know that chances are slim that I'll see thirty, so I have to take what I can get now."

"That's not. It doesn't have to be that way."   

"Why? Because that doesn't suit what you want to believe?"

He didn't have an answer for her.

"Do you know how much I wanted you to come back to me, to tell me that you loved me, that I mattered enough for you to find a way to secure your soul?  Do you know how long I waited and hoped for that? I figured if you loved me enough, you'd find a way. That we'd find a way. And even if we didn't, and we couldn't have sex, I thought maybe, just maybe, you'd still want to be with me. But you never did that. I don't even know if you even thought about it. Instead, you just decided that we couldn't be together. Ever. And you walked away and started a shiny new life without me. Even after I begged you. you still walked away from me. Tell me if that's not the truth."

"It's not that easy," he said, clipped and terse.

"I admit it. I was a stupid, starry-eyed, girl. I would have waited for you. I would have done anything to find a way to be with you. I would have done anything for you." She gave a short bark of bitter laughter and shook her head. "I would have died for you. You only had to ask."

"Buffy."

"Go home, Angel. Go back to LA and forget all about me." She turned and walked away.

"Buffy."

His voice was soft, but something in it prompted her to stop. She looked back at him questioningly.

"Just tell me one thing...." He didn't really want to know, but he couldn't keep himself from asking. "Do you love him?"

Staring at the man that had given her the greatest joy she had ever known as well as the greatest pain she had ever experienced, it took her almost a minute before she could answer. She was surprised that he even had to ask. The gryphon tattoo on her chest seemed to burn. Her voice, when she did speak, was husky. "What do you think, Angel?"

He watched until she disappeared back into the building, then turned blindly to stare at the boxes of trash piled up in the alley. Before he could collect his thoughts, the door burst open and Cordelia, followed by Wes, Gunn and Fred burst into the alley.

"Well? So what happened?" Cordelia questioned directly.  They had seen Buffy come through the door, her head down. Without stopping to talk to anyone, even X, she pushed her way through the crowd toward the restrooms.  Cordelia wasn't certain, but she thought she had seen tears on the Slayer's cheeks which didn't bode well.  Most likely they would have a brooding vampire on their hands for weeks to come.

Sighing, Angel looked at the curious and eager expressions of his friends. "Let's go home."

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