Fanfiction: When We Find Each Other (In Her Arms pt 4)

Faith and I moved. Just across town although we’ve been talking about moving farther away. Like to Seattle or something. She’s tired of having people tell her how to slay and I’m tired of…well, everything that isn’t her.

She says that because I missed my therapy appointment, Giles is asking about me more and looking for me. I have to wonder if he’s just stupid or not trying. I’m really not that hard to find. Follow Faith, find me.

I probably ought to go back to school, but I just know if I do, they’ll apprehend me and take me away. I’ve started to think of all the people wanting to help me, you know Giles, Dr. Leigh, the social workers, as kind of like the KGB. And then that makes me the spy, trying to keep uncover long enough to finish my mission and get the hell out of Dodge. The only thing is, is that I don’t know what the hell the mission is.

Here’s an interesting little thing I’ve noticed. When I’m with Faith, I don’t feel like I need drugs. But the moment she walks out the door to slay or make nice with the Scooby Gang, I have this nearly overwhelming urge to go out and buy some.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that Faith always has money. I’m not quite sure how she gets it, but she does. It’s like last night I was talking about getting a job, right? Well, she told me that I shouldn’t because she had enough to rent this little hole in the wall we call home. I’m not so sure that I want to know where she gets the money.

She wants me to get my GED and it’s not a bad idea, but that means calling someone to find out about it and scheduling it and if they find out who I am and where I am, then I’ll be taken away again and that’d suck. So I’ll do that after I turn eighteen.

But that seems so far away.

So I’m writing in your journal again. You wanted me to, so here I am. You know, I’m beginning to think that this is just a clever scheme to fill up the pages faster.

I had a horrible day today. It was all Buffy’s great. Buffy’s wonderful. Faith, can’t you be more like Buffy? She killed five vampires last night and didn’t even break a nail. Faith, we know you know where Xander is, so tell us. Buffy’s supergirl. Buffy kicks ass and you’re just Faith.

I hate it. I killed vampires last night, only you were the only one to witness me do it. Giles doesn’t even have to go out with Buffy and witness it. He just automatically believes her when she says that she kills X number of vamps.

You know, I really thought that I was going to like Sunnydale. But so far the only thing I like in this piece of crap town is you.

Oh, I told them that I did know where you were but that I hadn’t seen you in a couple days, but that you were doing okay. I’m starting to walk around in circles and double back and around when I come home. I don’t want one of them to follow me.

Willow asked about you when I said that I had seen you. So did that tall girl you said you went out with. I asked them why they were so concerned now when they didn’t give a shit about you when you were staying at Giles’. They don’t like me much. They just put up with me because I can kick their asses.

You know what we should do, Xander? We should move away from here and find some nice place to live where the vampires are stupid. We could get a bunch of occult books and I can slay and you can be my Watcher. I mean, I’ve heard stories, Xander, I know you kicked ass at research before you got into the drugs. You could do it again.

I don’t have a Watcher. I need one. The Council of Stupid Idiot Watchers in England said that Giles was my Watcher now, only he’s not. He’s Buffy’s Watcher and he’ll always be her Watcher and her Watcher only. He’s different to her than he is to me. He’s so careful with her like she’s going to break and he lets her do what she wants. With me it’s just “Faith, there’s a vampire, slay. No, your timing’s off. If I was a good Watcher, I’d start training you, but Buffy needs to wrap me around her little finger so, go, slay those vampires.”

Oh! You know where we should move to? Boston. I’ve got so many connections there. And this guy named Sean, who was a friend of Tommy’s, owns this bookstore and he could order us a bunch of books. I wonder if he knows where Tommy is. It’d be nice to find him. He’s really a great guy, Xander.

To be honest, I’m not sure what I would do if I did find him, you know? It might be cool for a little while, but then I’d start asking those questions that run around my head. Like why he left me alone with Mom and her shitty husbands and boyfriends when he knew how they were. Why didn’t he take me with him? Why didn’t he let me know where he was going? I have more questions, but those cover a lot of ground.

Okay, I’m tired and you look sleepy too, so I’m going to stop writing now. See? Look at me not writing? You have pretty eyelashes. Don’t ask me why I wrote that ‘cause I don’t know, but it’s true. You do.

You have exceeded the allowed page load frequency.