Fanfiction: Here I Am

He didn’t know how he could possibly feel any worse, and then he did. Not only was the love of his life turned into an evil monster by the ultimate Euro-trash hack, but he had accused the girl trying to save her of trying to off her. On top of that, the girl was feeling violated by him now.

“Sorry,” he said.

“Sorry don’t mean shit,” she said with a kind of drunken laughter as she opened her eyes.

“Don’t I know it. S’why I never say it. You’re one of a very few lucky ladies to get that word out of a bad boy like me,” he told her. He wasn’t sure how together she was, but it hadn’t stopped him from talking

“You’re not so bad. You’re a cool vampire. B knows all the cool vampires,” she said.

He looked deeply into her eyes now to try to suss out if she was as oriented as she seemed. She seemed all there now. He looked at her body that he had stripped down to its skivvies. Someone was very into repetitive punching in soft places; Spike knew who that someone was. But, Buffy had made it so Faith would heal.

“Staring problem?” Faith grumbled with some expression between a sneer and a grin. Oh yeah. The bitch was fully back. Spike smiled.

“No, jus’ taking stock of your wounds—how you feeling?” he asked.

“Like a hostage.”

“Fair enough. Just featured you’d still be sore.”

“I’m good. Better than when you dragged me in here, and apparently still breathin’ so, can’t really complain.”

“You were tossing about all night, you sleep okay?”

“Not really, pain kind’a an intrusion on the whole sleep concept. What’s with you and the twenty questions anyway?”

“Just wanted to see if you were really here with me is all,” he sighed heavily.

“Here I am, though I can’t really claim that I’ll rock you like a hurricane,” she sighed back.

“Making references to really bloody awful bands, though. Maybe you’re still a bit daft,” he found himself smiling.

“Hey! I love The Scorpions, shut up,” she smiled broadly.

“Oh, no,” Spike laughed heartily, “She’s permanently damaged. A bloody tragedy.”

He was remembering the last time they talked now. Buffy had been jealous in an awful way. He and Faith had laughed a lot over fluffy matters like this. He didn’t feel as guilty laughing with Faith then. It had only been the end of the world after all; Buffy had been all right.

“You want me to wash some of the blood off you. You’ll feel better. Maybe you’ll actually sleep. You need sleep for what’s ahead,” he said.

“When ever I come here I get sticky. It really sucks,” she said.

He took that as a “yes” and got all his little nurse-maid materials to wash her. He started off with her face because that was the biggest mess and then did what he could without moving her about too much.

“Spike,” she smiled, “Alive and well…Pulled a Jesus and is living in LA.”

“That’s me,” he laughed, “Though if I was Jesus I’d have a lot more money now and daft people following me about.

“That’s more Angel’s gig.”

She laughed, and then winced in pain. He couldn’t believe they were joking, but they were— still. This one did have a way with the forthright humor. He was glad she was coming back to herself.

“But, you’re being saintly with a girl in your bed. You said you didn’t want to get fresh. The Messiah deals well with temptation,” she said.

“I like em’ a bit less immobilized and bloody these days,” he smiled.

“I’m still lively…I could ride you to a gallop until you popped like warm champagne,” she laughed sheepishly as if she dared herself to say it.

“You stop that talk, or I’ll stick this soapy rag in your mouth,” he laughed.

“Kinky,” she said.

“Well, someone is back to themselves at least in the mind, as dirty as ever. But you’re saying it all wrong. It was ride me at a gallop until my legs buckled and my eyes rolled up. That you had muscles I never even dreamed of, that you could squeeze me until I popped like warm champagne,” he said as he was drying her off. He had done a decent job, and he hadn’t seemed to hurt her.

“Wow, I said all that?” she asked.

“And more,” he said.

“Damn, I am so good,” she smiled. “Do you remember everything people tell you?”

“Only the important things,” he sighed, “Now get some real sleep.”

“I wish I could, but I can’t. I have to go get B,” she said and swiveled out of the bed.

“Are you mad?” he said as he felt his forehead wrinkle, “You have a half a day of healing left at least.”

“Hello? I’m a Slayer. Can I borrow some clothes?” she asked as she stood up in her skivvies now.

“Yeah, hello. If you weren’t a Slayer you’d have months of healing to do,” he said as he stood up to face her.

“The longer I wait the longer B is out there in danger,” Faith said.

“Love,” Spike laughed, “Buffy is a Slayer that now has the compounded strength up a bloody vampire. If it works like that.”

“Oh yeah, take a look at me and the five other demons she beat down, and trust me it works like that,” Faith said as she rolled her blackened eyes.

“So, she is not in any danger,” Spike sighed, the misery of the situation coming back to him.

“You don’t understand!” Faith demanded, “The longer she’s out there all evil and crazy like that, the worse she’ll feel about it later and I don’t want her to go through that. She doesn’t deserve it.”

“That’s very noble,” Spike said seriously, but then added, “But, throwing yourself to the slaughter is all you’d be doing if you left to find her in this state. Besides, it’s daylight. She can’t be hurting anyone now.

Unless she has human minions dragging people underground or if she’s devising some kind of diabolical plan. I really never thought about the kind of vampire she would be. You think that thought would have come to me once or twice. I guess, when you’re better we should stake out all the shopping malls and shoe stores. She’ll be killing clerks and pushy shoppers left and right,” Spike continued.

“Spike!” Faith exclaimed, “This is serious shit!”

“I am completely serious,” he said truthfully.

“You don’t want to face the truth. I’m outta here,” she said.

Spike really wondered if she was going to walk out to find Buffy and fight her bruised up in her underwear.

“I can’t face the truth! Okay, Jack bloody Nicholson. I’m just a vampire, albeit one of the finest, but I’d say Buffy is a lot stronger than me right now. Get past me and you’re free to go,” he said.

He really expected her to hit him a couple of times before he got her back to the bed.

“Fuck you,” was all she said and she looked down and her eyes got misty.

“Well, you don’t have to spill salt over it. Tomorrow you’ll be ready to fight, and I’ll be with you,” he assured as he got her back into bed.

“I’m not—- Spike, don’t you get it! Buffy is a vamp. She has no soul. She’s out there killing because of me and—-“

“It’s not you’re fault. You couldn’t let those other Slayer bitches kill her. So, a few snippy little clothes horses lose their lives, while Buffy isn’t herself. How many people has Buffy kept alive? She’d have to destroy the world seven times over to erase the good she has done,” Spike eased.

“Giles,” Faith said.

“Buffy killed Rupert,” Spike felt his face fall.

Why would she do that? That would be like killing her father. Spike knew that most vampires did that, but Spike had never wanted to kill his Mum. He never even wanted to hurt her, but of course…

“No, not even she could get to him, or Dawn, all the Slayers have them very well guarded,” Faith said miserably.

“Well that’s great but—” Spike began with a relieved sigh until Faith cut him off.

“It wasn’t the Slayer bitches that wanted Buffy killed, for the most part. It was Giles. He had all the green Slayers capture her, but then I—-“

“What!” Spike roared, “I knew that bloody Wanker would backstab me, but to do it to her?”

“He says it’s—she’s not B. That B is dead, and now all that’s left is…” Faith’s voice trailed off so she wouldn’t cry.

“Well, I think I’m learning that some people’s bloody darkness is even a little brighter than some Git’s holier that thou lightness!” Spike grumbled.

“It doesn’t seem like he’s got the stake rammed up his channel about this. He seems so —so sad,” Faith said.

“Well, he’ll be a lot sadder when I get through with him. If Buffy was nothing but evil she would have found a way to kill him. She—she would have killed you. She left you alive, right? She purposely left you alive to suffer. And you two didn’t have the best of the best relationships, if she was going to kill anyone it would have been you, right?” Spike said.

Faith didn’t respond. He realized she was struggling to not cry.

“Oh bloody—I didn’t mean it that way. I’m sorry. I’m a thoughtless bastard at times,” he said.

“I’m getting that. Are there times when you’re not?” She asked, “Look, you are one naive Fucker.”

“Funny, I don’t remember being the one trying to run out with half a concussion to capture a vampire Slayer vampire in my skivvies,” he said to her ass as she bent down to look for her clothes.

“It’s bad, man, it’s bad. You gotta be ready if you wanna help me,” she told him as she seemed to decide that any clothing would do.

Faith put on a pair of his jeans. They were baggy like the whole hip-hop look but they fit. Buffy was the only girl that would probably ever swim in his jeans. She tried them that time she was invisible, and they kept falling down. She had laughed and even tripped in them. Look, I’m one of those commercials where all they have are the dancing jeans. Of course those jeans wouldn’t have nasty sex stains on them. Hey, they’re not staying up! Well, there goes another career idea. I can’t even be a good invisible model. I mean, how hard is that.

“I know what Buffy is like when she’s on the dark side, and I know you running out in a beat-up state won’t help,” Spike said firmly.

“No you don’t, Dude. She’s—she’s mean. She had ideas. She says things,” Faith warned as she closed her eyes.

“Assuming `she’ is Buffy and not Martha Stewart, Of course, love, she’s a vampire. She’s not just Buffy with new teeth and wrinklies. I’m sure she’s said things, horrible things, and even got a few people, but it’s that worth losing her over?” Spike said.

“She killed her father, and his wife. She tortured them, made them go out slow,” Faith said opening her eyes to him.

They were healing quite nicely.

“Her real father?” Spike grumbled, “Well, that rat Bastard had it coming. He’s lucky I never paid him a visit. Well, I guess he’s not lucky. But, you have to expect that, love. I’m sorry the wife got in the way.”

“She killed two people—people that I loved, but that-that’s okay. I can forgive her,” Faith said closing her eyes again.

“Damn right you can. You owe her that much,” Spike insisted “Who did she kill? Slayers that got in her way?”

“I’m not sayin’ that I don’t wanna save her. I’m just sayin’ be ready,” Faith said with a serious pout. Spike didn’t know a pout could look so serious.

“Look, when this is all over, she’ll have you to thank for all of it. You’ll finally be even,” Spike said.

“That’s not why I’m fucking doing it!” she roared in that shrill voice again and then she was storming out in his jeans. She grabbed a shirt of his in her hands.

He grabbed her to stop her. There was a bit of a struggle, but not that much since she was still injured and blinded by tears. He had a bloody lip when it was over. He had made sure he never hit her. He just put all his efforts to holding her down on the bed, which is where she really wanted to be. Spike remembered playing the same game with Buffy, but they hadn’t been doing it for any of the same reasons. Faith breathed heavily under him, and looked up at him with angry pleading eyes. They were also undoubtedly beautiful. All right, so maybe the reasons they were playing this game were the same reasons he had played it with Buffy. They were only human, or she was. Faith was the only human one left, and she did look so human as she laid under him. Afraid and angry, but not at him -not really. She was very warm. When she breathed in you could see a hint of rib. Her perfect breasts held snugly in that cheap black bra that had blood on it. She was trying so hard, wasn’t she? And she wasn’t trying to be the best in her class, that role was taken. Faith was trying to save the best in her class because the best had fallen. Fallen for something vain and one-dimensional , something that she herself could see right through in a second because she hadn’t been the hero and she learned the hard way. She knew that nothing that glittered was gold, and she was going to save the hero from the bad shiny thing. She wasn’t going to be all superior about it either. She was going to laugh while she did it, and at least try to have a good time, and sometimes be a right bitch, because she wasn’t the sodding hero. But, she was afraid she had to be, and she felt she couldn’t be because she was never good at telling the rest of the folk that it was all going to be all right like heroes did.

“It’s all right, Faith. It’ll be all right,” Spike said as he let go of her wrists and held her hands while he knelt over her.

“No, it’s really not. It’s really all wrong,” she said with tears in her eyes.

He moved down to kiss her. She bolted up so quickly that he thought she was going to object. What are you doing? But, she only met up to meet his lips hungrily. At first she kissed roughly like he was the plate of secret food all the other starving people wanted and she better get it all up quick or someone would take it away. But, when he put his arms around her and rolled her on top her kisses became soft and deep.

“It’ll be all right, love,” he kept repeating.

She took his shirt off in one swoop and gave him a wicked smile. She pawed at his chest like she was sculpting it, like she had planed out the places she wanted to go on his body long ago. Nipples, chest, stomach, her hands, her lips her teeth. She made sure some part of her was always on his cock even before he could get his pants off. She had a hand down there as if there was a magnetic pull. She liked looking at it. She’d look down at it and then look up and smile, but then look away. A few times he grabbed her face to make her look at him. This always turned to kissing, and they’d both shut their eyes. Then she’d go back to staring at his cock. She was gentler with it than she was the rest of him. She teased him handling in fast than slow fast then slow as she kissed him and bit at him hard than soft hard than soft. He had stopped saying it was going to be all right because talking was no longer a priority. His mouth was locked in an open position his back arched so his body could go more into her mouth, her hands, her body.

“You think a boy carrying such a big stick would walk a little more softly,” she whispered in his ear and she was playing with his cock with both hands fast now.

Brains. She had raw brains. Few women have nasty raw big brains. Special- she was.

“But I like the way you walk. Stomp loud and scare the assholes away,” She was talking still. Saying she liked him, but…But, he had to prove himself. Prove he wasn’t just a boy stomping his feet. He was a man, a man who could do things, if she let him. Underwear was so bloody annoying. He couldn’t get the damn things off with her insisting on playing with his cock constantly. He ripped them off. Faith laughed. Her laugh started to get nervous as he opened the lips of her cunny to take a peak. It was a fine one, all wet and wanting. Who hurt such a sweet beautiful thing? Pet it until it feels better. A girl’s loopy high voice said to him inside his head. There, there cunny. Let Spike get inside and have a rub. The cunny wanted it but Faith wasn’t so sure. She laughed nervously as she knelt back. She put all her energy into stroking him now. A master of diversion she was. Spike had his fingers playing with the cunny fighting through the pleasure of wanting to just lie back. Fighting— so much better than lying still. Oh God, fighting was the best bloody thing in the world. He was going to have to real fight later. It was bloody awful out in the other world, but no matter now he was in this world.

Faith was moaning a low throaty moan as her hands relaxed around his cock. Yes, he wanted to be able to have a clear head when he proved himself. He wanted to see it. She seemed to want to go back to playing with his cock. But, he took his free arm and pushed her down to lay on her side.

“There you go,” he said as she seemed to gasp in surprise as his thumb rubbed her clit and his other fingers were inside her. He loved feeling the cunny grip his hand and release it only to grip it again. And this was quite an impressive one. Faith had a grip like a Chinese finger trap.

“Fuck. Oh God..fuck,” She whispered with her eyes shut tight.

“That’s it baby. Feel it. Feel me. Spike makes everything good,” he said.

“Too good. Too good,” she said firmly grabbing his hand. He kept stroking the cunny as it shook.

“Good girl,” he said. Her whole body shook. She let go of his hand and wrapped both of her arms around him tight, tight, tight—like no one ever. She screamed. Then she started with the hungry kissing again this time with little whimpers in between.

“Want to squeeze you, ride you, pop you—all of that,” she told him as she rolled him and straddled him quickly and roughly.

She surprised him by looking him straight in the face.

“Whatever you wish, love,” he said.

“Do you want me to, really?” she asked rather seriously.

He reached up and smoothed her cheek.

“More than I wanted anything in a long time,” he said, “Do you want me to beg? Because that’s not a pro—”

She kissed him hard and sloppily. She licked his lips. Then she quickly impaled herself on his cock before he expected it. He grunted in surprise and pleasure. He unhooked her bra which he couldn’t believe had stayed on.

“No,” she objected softly and went to hook it back up, but as he thrust under her slowly and deeply, she forgot about it. He reached up to touch her perfect breasts as she kept with his slow deep pace.

“Don’t pinch,” she said as she felt his hands go to her breast. He grabbed them up each and squeezed them gently.

“MMm. Like that,” she said and he felt her cunny relax around him and he felt like he’ d been let into a warm heavenly room.

His mouth locked open again as they began to buck more violently. He loved her moaning- the way it sometimes sounded just like her raspy voice and other times it sounded nothing like her - a high whimper. He was surrounded by warm strong Slayer. She was laying fully on top of him and he took a nipple in his mouth. She was wailing in pleasure now; the opposite of what she had been doing last night. Faith was riding him for the broken beast that he was, and she wanted all he could give. He found he wasn’t all that broken. He was giving her quite a ride. She was shaking over him, around him, twitched his cock while she rode it. Ah, blood, nothing but blood pumping away with pleasure. No brains nothing else needed. He gave all. He got back , and it had lasted, and lasted, and it was still going as she tightened around him. Faith’s cunny would never release him if it was all up to that. He would be the hostage forever. With that he roared and roared in coming.

Spike remembered now. Remembered he had forgotten Buffy- turned, out there, alone. He would feel as horrid as he did when he had been alone in the basement, only he wasn’t alone. He still had his arms around Faith. She tried to roll off of him, but he held tight to her, but not too tight. He expected her to really push him away, but to his surprise she didn’t. She laid on top of him now. Her face in his neck. Spike felt something creaking under him. It was the bed bitching. It had never before seen such abuse. He heard it make that familiar ‘sod you I’ve had it’ sound.

“Oh, here we go,” he rolled his eyes, and a second later the bed crashed to the floor.

“What the fuck was that?” Faith exclaimed as she shot up as if someone stuck her with a pin and she was going to kill them for it. She had clung to him tightly for a second as the bed fell. Buffy used to just laugh as she laid on her far end of the bed.

“Relax, love. It’s just the bed getting revenge,” Spike said.

“Holy shit!” She said still startled, “You must have got it from Ikea.”

“You mean you never broke a bed before?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

“You mean you have?” she asked.

“Well, yeah. I’m surprised you never have,” he said.

“Well…everyone else has been human, though sometimes I wasn’t sure I may have done it with a few zombies that I thought were just potheads,” she said.

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Spike sighed.

“Yeah, well they don’t call me a big slut for nothin’. I guess I’ll get going. You mind if I take a shower?” she asked as if they had met at a bar.

“Gee, yeah. Maybe we can do it again next week when you get almost beaten to death by another vampire we’re trying to ensoul. Where the bloody hell are you going?” he demanded.

“Look, I know I screwed up again, you didn’t exactly stop me, ya know? Red and I are at this witch’s house. I’ll go there and I’ll call you later,” she said.

“You’re kidding, right? You think I’m going to just let you walk off with Red and not make sure this all goes smoothly,” he said.

“Well, you’re doing a great job so far, Mr. Smooth. Look, you and I should just stay away from each other,” Faith grumbled.

“You seemed pretty into the idea of staying near me a few minutes ago,” he folded his arms.

“And he takes his first swing, which is exactly why I’m leaving. I don’t need someone to give me shit about how I betrayed B after I rocked their world,” she said as she looked at her shoes that she put on with his clothes.

“What are you talking about? I think you are the only person not betraying Buffy. True, I never thought I’d hear myself say that , but being that everyone else wants to bloody off her because she fell for Drac the second time—-“

“I mean because I just fucked you,” She grumbled.

“What?” he said “That’s crazy. Buffy and I haven’t been together in ages and I think I shagged you just as good as you shagged me. In fact I know I did.”

“None of that matters chicks just always blame the other girl,” she sighed.

“You watch too much Jerry Springer, love. I can’t believe you are going to let this high school bullocks get in the way of saving Buffy. Look, say what you want, but you know I have a right to help Buffy, and it seems like my help is needed,” he said.

“I know,” she actually conceded, “We need all the help we can get, and there is someone else that has a right to help.”

“Oh bugger!” Spike spat, “No, no, and no”

“High school bullocks anyone?” Faith said with folded arms.

“Things have gone `round the bend there as it is.”

“Red is scared. She doesn’t trust Angel, but I do.”

“Well, I bloody don’t!”

“Fine, but do you really think Angel wouldn’t do everything in his power to help B, just like you? And, hate to tell you Brit, but GQ has a lot more power than you,” Faith said.

“Oh is that so? Well, I think you experienced a bit of my power a few minutes ago; I’d like to see Angel…Well, I wouldn’t like to see Angel—-“

“Dude, this is not a pissing contest; this is B’s life!”

“Right, and what’s Angel gonna do about it, besides go into a pout and lock himself away somewhere. Whenever Buffy has any real trouble he freezes up, unless he just breezes into town to lock lips with her and give me jewelry that kills me,” Spike sighed.

“Doesn’t Angel have a bunch of lawyers under his thumb now? Not that that does any good, but can’t he hire bad-asses to help him with B and in return promise to get them off or something?”

“That awful place actually sounds fun when you put it that way,” Spike sighed, “Right, let ‘s go then.”

“Where?”

“To the big bad evil incorporated, of course.”

“You mean where just gonna go there?” Faith asked.

“You were the one that said it was the good idea,” Spike rolled his eyes.

“I—I can’t just walk in there and say: `Hey, Angel. The love of your life is dead…again. Only this time her body walks and talks and does evil shit.’” Faith went white as a ghost.

“Was that what all this hiding was about; you didn’t want to make ol’ Angel sad?” Spike demanded.

“Yeah, well that and the fact that if The New Council realizes we’re here they’ll come and try to kill B. Red and I thought we could handle it. The few people knew the less ashamed B would be later, but after last night even I’m smart enough to know I was wrong,” Faith shuddered.

“Yeah, she got you pretty bad,” Spike said as he patted her shoulder.

“It was more than the beating,” Faith said, “But, it’s over now. Time to face the next wave of shit.”

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