Fanfiction: Here I Am

Buffy took him past all these grey doors that looked like something out of a solitary confinement station in prison. She opened one with a fancy key card she pulled out of her pocket.

His eyes widened. He saw Faith strapped to a metal board. Her eyes were wide. She wasn’t dead, but she wasn’t moving—at all.

“Buffy,” he said quietly, “What is this?”

“I take it from that look on your pretty little face, that you want her to be able to talk about all her little problems,” Buffy sighed as she was un-strapping Faith, who fell like a rag doll when she undid the straps.

Spike caught the Slayer in his arms. His head was spinning with a million thoughts.

“Yes,” Was all he could say. He wanted Faith awake or out of whatever had been done. He knew that much. He’d have to take it one step at a time.

“Great,” Buffy said and pulled something out of her pocket. It was a hypodermic. She injected Faith with it as Spike held her.

“I’d love to hear what she has to say. Maybe she’ll remind us of your other girlfriend. “

Spike just stood with his mouth open as he held Faith. Had he just held the Slayer while Buffy had put something awful in her?

“Buffy—” Spike began. He felt Faith tremble in his arms. She wasn’t cold at all. She was terrified.

“Stop it,” Faith said quietly as she clutched him tightly now.

“I’m not—I didn’t,” Spike tried to explain he had no part in this. But maybe he did now. He wouldn’t hurt Faith.

“Stop it,” she said again as she looked at him with terrified eyes, “Don’t let it happen. You have to stop it.”

Faith wanted him to stop something. What? Buffy being a vampire? He couldn’t do that. But he could do his best to stop Buffy from hurting her.

“What…what did you do to her?” he stammered as he mindlessly followed Buffy down the hall with the other Slayer in his arms.

“A sensitive soul like you wouldn’t want to know. After I was done I put her in this room that makes you dead, but alive. I guess she’s a little freaked. I told her I was leaving her in there forever if you didn’t want her.” Buffy said.

“This…this is where they put the bloody reaper,” Spike realized.

“Who?” Buffy asked.

“Bad man. Tried to steal my soul. Long story, love. Angel said he put him in a living-hell room where he would keep on living, but be essentially dead. Suspended life.” Spike explained, then he turned to face her feeling his face tighten, “How did you know about these rooms?”

“A guy tried to take your soul and you fought it, oh Spike, what will we do with you?” Buffy rolled her eyes.

“No! Stop this. Kill me. Please kill me,” Faith cried out suddenly.

“It’s all right, love. It’s over now. I’ve got you now,” Spike pleaded. Did Faith think he would let her suffer more? That he was in on it?

“Oh, this is so sweet; bonding with your new crazy ho’. Everything is coming together. Now follow Mommy to get Daddy,” Buffy said sweetly.

“What did you say?” Spike gasped.

“You’ll love this—love it,” Buffy assured. She opened a door with another key card and Spike saw Angel there. He was bloody and looking broken, but Spike could tell that he had been working at the metal straps that held him to the table.

“B, please, you can stop this now. it’s not too late,” Faith said.

“Damn, she’s still lucid. I knew I should have let her bake in there a little more. I was always way too soft on her and Dawn. Time to get harder on both of them, wouldn’t you say?” Buffy asked him.

Spike just stood. All he could do was hold the other Slayer to him.

“Oh, what do you know? You are such a softie pants. We gotta bring out the hard stuff, one way or another,” She said as she walked by the table and rubbed Angel’s crotch.

“B, don’t do this. Let Angel—let us help you,” Faith said.

Spike sensed she wanted to get down from his arms and he put her down. He had become a body that was doing what was needed as his mind was too busy spinning to talk.

“Help? You were the one that always needed help, Faith. Not me, I was just a loser that liked having it around. For the first time I don’t want help. Tell me you all don’t miss it? The clarity, the power. Anyone? Anyone? Oh c’mon guys gimme a little something here!” Buffy scoffed to them as they were silent. Her sing-song voiced filled the room. “Oh. Mr. Power Lunch himself is gagged. I always loved him, just not the stuff that came out of his mouth,” she said and ungagged him. “But, maybe the CEO has something enlightening to add.”

“Buffy, don’t do this. Let Spike and Faith go. I know it’s me you want to deal with; me you’ve come for. You didn’t even know Spike was here. Faith was just doing her job. Just let them go and deal with me,” Angel said. And there was a good argument for gagging him. All of this, and Angel thought it was all about him.

“You and your fucking deals! We’ve been there and did that an hour ago, and you did business all right, but you didn’t hold up to your end. You wouldn’t give up the soul, even though I gave it up to you. What’s the matter, Angel? You can’t have a moment of perfect happiness unless you’re on top?”

“No, it’s because you’re not Buffy,” Angel’s tone was bitter now.

“Not this again. Men, I swear. I guess I felt enough like the old Buffy for you to get it up, but just not to commit yourself to me. Same ol’ Angel. Maybe you’re just like sonny boy here. I go away for a while and you find a new whore. Only yours is really dead. Yep, I heard she really drew it out too. Just like Cordy. You should’ve seen her twelve hour death scene in the school play. She just had to be in the spot-light as long as possible.”

“You have no right to even mention Cordelia!” Angel was in vampire face now.

“Excuse me?” Buffy gasped and then she turned into vampire face. Spike moved back a little and Buffy smiled at him, but continued to talk to Angel. “I gave you Cordy. I gave you this company. I gave all of you everything, and now I have the power to do it the right way. We’ll find a way to make you happy.”

Then she straddled him as he was strapped to the table

“You’ll never make me happy, not like this!” Angel insisted.

“It’s okay baby, that’s why I love you. You know It’s about power. It’s always been about power. I’ve known that for a while now. But, now nothing is stopping me from taking it all.”

“I’ll stop you. I won’t let you do this in her name. I’ll make it—” Angel was forced to stop as Buffy re-gagged him. Spike smiled a little. He regained his thoughts.

“Yeah, okay. I’m done with that. God, I totally see what you mean now, there is a boring table lamp side to him. Well, that’ll be over soon. I have my assistant looking up ways to get the real man out of him, since we can ‘t do it the old fashioned way,” Buffy said.

“Ah, ya don’t know what you’re doing’, love,” Spike sighed.

“Why?” Buffy frowned, “You think if I was better he would have gotten a happy? I only got to do him that once, well, twice, with that dream thing, so maybe he likes different stuff than what I do. Do you know what he likes?”

“Yeah, like you said he likes bloody power. If you bring Angelus out he’s not gonna want to share it with the likes of you, so you don’t wanna do it,” Spike said

“You mean, he won’t wanna share it with the likes of you, and your needy weak wimpy ass, but don’t worry I’m giving you something that will keep you occupied. You’re little counterpart there, the other half of your codependency. Only she’ll be as strong as me—physically. So, I have to mix her up with a side of crazy first to balance the scales. You’ll be a great Kurt and Courtney to our John and Yoko though.”

“You hack little bitch. What happened? Did too much blood from Drac get into your veins? This is your big bad plan? To be Darla Junior? The sequel to “Vacation” with new actors playing the bloody kids? Please, it’s been done,” Spike sneered and it was a sneer that came to his lips honestly.

“No it hasn’t, not my way! Little Miss Seen it All and me, we will be Vamps that have Slayer strength too. You think I’m like that Dora vampire or whatever her name was? I could take her down with my eyes closed. She may have made Angel, but she let him get away. I’ll never do that, not again! I have all the power now to say who goes and who stays—not him, not you—me. And please, outside of men the girl had no taste. She wore school girl outfits, in public, I don ‘t mean in bed.”

“Wow, that sounds really bloody great, Ms. Stienham. I mean you’re plan, not the whole school girl outfit in pub—Anyway, what you don’t realize is how much of a sad loser you’re still being.”

“Say that again, William,” Buffy glared. She hopped down from Angel finally and all five feet of her got in Spike’s face

“I mean, it’s all still about us boys. What’s the first thing you do? You leave a whole Army of powerful girls you could have made into your own army of doom, and you come racing here to Daddy and Angel and me to give us all what for, to put us under your thumb and—” he interrupted himself laughing, “On top of that you go after and torture the one girl that could hold a candle to you and you find a way to put her in her place and hold her under your thumb. If you were really Buffy, if you were really anything but a needy sore loser that lost all her men, you’d have turned the whole army of Slayers and your all powerful witch friend and made all the men in the world your slaves…You’d be giving the Republican party dog collars. You wouldn’t be here tryin’ to shag me and your first back into evil, which when he gets there shares with no one by the way. No matter what.”

“Now that’s some kick ass feminism, dude,” Faith laughed, “Spike’ s right. I know Angelus. He won’t give it up to know one, no how. He has to be made.”

“So, then I’ll do that, then. Just like I’ll make you…crazy,” Buffy smiled. Buffy went into vampire face again, as she threw Faith with what was probably all her strength through the window into the next office.

“Faith,” Spike called to her. He didn’t see her land in the other room. He went to look, “If you killed her—”

He began and then he felt himself get thrown.

“You’ll what? Bleed all over me? Cry about it? Poor Spikey. I was still debating what to do with you. Still can’t be a vampire, still can’t be a man. You’re nothing. The biggest sell out of all time. A vampire that fought for that disgusting weak soul that’s nothing but pain. Even when you didn’t have it you were weak,” she told him as she hit him to hurt him just enough to keep him alive.

“You loved pain. You had to love me. You had to save my sister! If you really loved me you’d let her die, let me die, saved me from pain,” her voiced had changed into a tone that made him cry. He was sure if she noticed she’d make fun of him.

“So, you die for real this time. I wonder where I’ll put Faith then. If I didn’t already kill her. Hmm. I really don’t know my own strength. Where is she? Did I toss her out the window. Well, I guess you’ll go with her. See, my plans are flexible”

“Oh, C’mon. No one’s as flexible as me. Here I am, B,” Faith said as she sliced Buffy’s arm with a sword as big as she. “Found the damnedest toy down the hall. This place kicks ass.”

Faith was going to take her second slice when someone knocked her down. A blonde girl, she kicked Faith when she was down too.

“Shit! You know how much this outfit cost?” Buffy grumbled as she looked down at her bloody shirt.

“Why didn’t you just kill the clerk?” Harmony asked as she stood where Faith had been.

“My lovely assistant, everyone,” Buffy smiled, “Never kill the clerk. Like I wanted Rodeo drive to shut down for days? I used my dead Dad’s money.”

“That is so smart. You’re the coolest, boss,” Harmony said

“Harm? What are you doing? You told her about the death rooms?” Spike gasped.

“Duh,” Harmony rolled her eyes, “I could see in three seconds when Angel brought her in and she brought him down where the winning team was. Can’t you, Blondie bear? I thought you had a huge thing for her. You’re over it!”

Harmony smiled and then her face fell.

“Oh, I get it,” she said, “You only like the Slayers when they’re good. You have a whole good girl complex. You like her now.”

Harmony pulled Faith up by the hair.

“Get off of her you miserable bitch,” Spike snarled.

“God!” Harmony stamped her foot, “What is with you? Can I kill her, boss?”

“Fine,” Buffy folded her arms, “He’s a man. They never want what is right in front of them.”

“You got that right!” Angel said.

The Git was finally free. It took long enough. He threw Harmony off of Faith. He hit Buffy who fell back and looked at him with a frown. She sprung up and hit him across the room. Faith still had some fight in her. Spike couldn’t believe it. She had found her sword and sliced Buffy’s torso. Buffy looked down and frowned.

“Ooo, Mommy. That itches,” She said and elbowed Faith in the face.

Spike saw Angel getting up and he was running at Buffy from the back, so Spike decided to run at Buffy from the front. She had knocked them both down using their own speed against them.

“Now,” Buffy said, “Is there still any questions about who holds the power here?”

“See what I mean, Blondie Bear?” Harmony sighed, “Resistance is furtile or whatever. Can I kill the Slayer now? Can I have Blondie Bear instead? You said if I proved myself I could be in.”

“You still haven’t found away to take Angel’s soul,” Buffy stated.

“Oh yeah,” Harmony chirped, “I forgot with all this fighting. I did! That’s why I came in here. Look, a black magic spell that’ll take it. Cool, huh?”

Buffy opened the book that Harmony gave her hungrily with wide-eyes. She looked like a little girl who got her new red shiny bike for Christmas.

“Cool,” she said trying to maintain her excitement.

“Buffy, don’t do this, Spike and Faith are right. Angelus could never love you. He’d betray you. If you want someone to love you stay here with me, we can work this out,” Angel said.

The sod was actually jealous of himself. He didn’t want his other half to have her. As much as he said she wasn’t Buffy, he was still trying to save her for himself.

“Boss, can I kill the Slayer now, please? She keeps giving me dirty looks from the floor,” Harmony said.

Buffy grunted in frustration. She made a quick motion and Spike saw Harm turn to dust. She never even had time to be surprised. Spike wasn’t surprised either. Buffy had gotten everything she wanted from the bimbo minion.

“Yeah, like I was going to spend my immortal time with someone I hated in high school,” Buffy said, “Harmony may have had better taste in clothing, but crazy Faith would just be so much more fun. Don’t ya think?”

Buffy looked at the book and cleared her throat. She began reciting the spell. It was Latin, Bloody Ancient Romans had a spell for it all. Harm must have got her a book where it was spelled out phonetically.

“No, I can’t go back,” Faith cried, “Spike, will you kill me? Kill me after she turns me, please. I can’t be evil again.”

Spike found her on the floor and held her hand. No, if she was sired he wouldn’t kill her. He didn’t know what he would do. Maybe he would try to have a go of it like Angel had with the soul.

“You were never evil, love,” he told Faith. He was sure of it. Especially after today.

“Would you two keep it down. Like this stuff isn’t hard enough to read with out your yapping. They both yap far too much. We’ll buy them ball gags,” Buffy said to Angel on the floor.

“Ow! What was that? Figures reading this would give me a headache,” Buffy said as she stopped reading the Latin.

Then Red came in with Wesley in tow. He was reading a spell in Romanian. It was Angel’s bloody spell! They would get Buffy back! He never should have doubted Red.

“You! I thought I made you crazy when I killed your bitch dyke girlfriend, but I guess we all knew she was rebound chick. Faith was probably more upset about her death than you. Hmm, what’s that about. I’m sure I’ll see,” Buffy said.

“It’ll be okay, Buffy. I already forgive you. We all love you,” Red said.

Wesley went on reading.

“Oh, Will, it’s so sad. You could be so cool and instead you hang out with such— Whose that? Oh shit, it’s Wes!” Buffy laughed. Then she held her head like it hurt again.

“C’mon, Will. This is funny. Wes, the Dork Watcher is gonna curse me with a soul. You’re doing this to be funny, right?” Buffy asked.

“No, he can curse you, he doesn’t love you. I can’t,” Red said firmly now.

Buffy reached for Willow and she got a magical binding around her.

“C’mon Will,” Buffy grunted as she struggled, “I thought we’d been through this before. Count Dorkula taught me enough to get over your lame protection spells.”

Buffy closed her eyes and the binding seemed to break around her like glass and disappear. She smiled sadly.

“Don’t get you, Will. Never did really. I mean, you could be the Goddess of this whole stinking world and instead you hold back,” Buffy said as she grabbed Wesley by the throat.

She was thrown off by something. Spike rose to see IIlyria standing over Buffy who was on the floor mouth open in surprise.

“Who the hell are you?” she said rising.

“The Goddess off this whole stinking world,” IIlyria said.

“Yeah, like I haven’t heard that before,” Buffy rolled her eyes.

She hit IIlyria back and she actually fell. Buffy grabbed the sword Faith had used and went to behead the blue bitch. Smart girl, Spike thought, if you don’t know what something is it’s best to behead it. IIlyria grabbed Buffy’s arm and held it still. Buffy’s eyes went wide with shock of Blue Bitch’s strength.

“You are the most impressive fighter I’ve seen in this world. The Qwa’ha Xahan will do his magic and then you will still have your power but you will not be so detrimental to the other warriors. Then, you can fight for the humans together and you will teach me more about the hopefulness of this world that I am destined to be in,” IIlyria said as she held Buffy’s arm frozen.

Wesley continued with the spell.

“No!” Buffy cried, “You bitch! Who the fuck are you? I won’t be some minion under you. I’m the Slayer.”

“No, Buffy is the Slayer. You’re not anything, and when the spell is over she’ll be back with us,” Angel said.

“No, Angel,” Buffy pleaded, “Help me! I can’t go back. I won’t! You know how it is, really. I’m finally free.”

“He is helping you, B,” Faith said.

“No,” Buffy said through gritted teeth, “I am not you! I am not going to spend my life on my knees to everyone because for one second I knew what my real power was.”

“It’s not like that, love. You’ll see. We can all really be in the same boat now. We ‘ll be together.”

“I don’t wanna be with you. You’re weak!” Buffy spat at him.

“Angelus, please, I love you. You’re the one. You know, you were cursed. Make them stop. This is the only way we can be together. Don’t you love me?” She cried to Angel.

“Yes, I do. It’s because I really love you that we can’t—-” Angel stopped like that in mid sentence.

Spike thought perhaps that Buffy had thrown a stake at him or something due to the look of frozen pain on his face.

Wesley had stopped the Romanian chanting. Was he done? Was it over?

“Nooo!” Red was crying. Spike looked and Buffy was gone.

“What happened?” Spike asked. He saw IIlyria holding the sword.

“She turned to dust,” IIlyria said, “Where has she gone?”

“You bitch!” Spike roared, “You dusted her!”

“No, Spike,” Faith said in a drone-like voice, “She dusted herself. She put her throat through the sword.”

“You need to cry,” Spike pleaded as he held the dark haired girl’s hand as she stood in his doorway.

“I need to go. Everyone has done enough of it for me. Even Angel has done enough for me and him. Never knew a Brit could be so sensitive,” she told him.

“Not sensitive just honest,” he said.

“Right a thoughtless bastard, I remember,” Faith smiled.

“Right,” he said.

“It wasn’t her. She died that night in her room with that Euro-Fag Bastard I swear vengeance on. That’s the popular view,” Faith said.

“Right,” Spike sighed.

“Right that’s the popular view or right that wasn’t her?” Faith asked.

She saw that the question surprised him. Faith had refused to examine any of this. She just hung about making sure no one else offed themselves. Now that it seems they wouldn’t she was going.

“C’mon, honest bastard, tell me what you think,” she commanded.

“I think it was her. Her darkest half and nothing else. Something I thought I knew, but really only saw hints of when she had that beautiful soul.”

“Oh, well, there you go,” she said and tears filled her eyes.

“There I go, makin’ you spill salt now. I thought you should do it, but I never volunteered to be the instigator,” he said.

“You’re nothing else if not the instigator,” she laughed as she wiped her eyes, “You saved our lives stirring B—stirring the vamp up like that sayin’ that it was all about us. It bought us time.”

“Never thought about it. Just thought I was shooting my gob off , but okay,” he said.

She laughed and touched his arm.

“Do you want to hear something awful?”

“Couldn’t hurt now,” he said.

“I cried because I was happy you said it was her, part of her, in that vamp, because after all was said and done, she really wanted me. She thought she needed me. I was somethin’” Faith said again with tears in her eyes.

“I’ll top you. Sometimes I cry because she didn’t want me. She wasn’t sure she needed me. I was nothing. It was Angel—Angelus that was everything,” he sighed. He was over crying, about that part anyway.

“You’re stupid.” She said this simply, “Don’t you realize you were the most important piece? You were her heart. That was why she was so mad at you. You chose to get a soul and care and that killed her.”

“I killed her?” He tilted his head painfully.

“No not—look when I went all psycho chick it was her I hated most, because she was everything that reminded me about how hard it was—and how good it was—to really really love people. Not that I really am an expert on it now, but, do you understand, or do I just sound insane?” she asked.

“Bit ‘a both,” he said.

“I don’t know how I feel about these Angel-like one sentence blurbs from you,” she laughed.

“Well, here’s another. Why don’t you stay?” he asked.

“I can’t,” she looked off at nothing, “I would only remind you of her. You deserve better…Hell, I’ve had enough therapy to say I’m somthin’ and I deserve better.”

“I’m an honest bastard, right?”

“Right.”

“So, more simple blurbs. You’re everything. You deserve everything, and if you stay, in time, I can give it,” he said.

“I can’t think of a snappy response to that one,” she swallowed hard, “So, I should go.”

“Expected as much. Where will you be?” he asked as he felt the inevitable ripping in his chest.

“Dunno,” she sighed, “Now I’m blurbing. This is turning into a Brit good-bye after all.”

“Right O’. Better hop on then,” he laughed, “Good-bye.” He said and kissed her forehead.

Spike was home again. He hadn’t patrolled in weeks. He hated to think about how the vampire related death count may have risen, so he didn’t.

He heard a soft knock on his door. Now what? Lorne here to say how (basically) everything was going to be all right. There was a Yank word if he ever heard one “basically.” What the hell did that even mean? It was still day light, so this knock couldn’t be anything worthwhile, but he was thinking too much, so he opened the door.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey,” he looked at her sideways to try to figure what had gone wrong. Why was she here?

“So, here I am,” she said.

“Here you are,” he repeated.

“The Dude just won’t start with the talking again. Maybe this is a good thing,” she smiled.

“I have something,” he said, “So here you are—rock me like a hurricane or here you are passing through? Because if it’s the passing through one I was waiting for this and I have a big brassed off speech about how I won’t be used for parts and service. But, I should let you know that is probably complete bullocks and I will be used for parts and service, but you will have to put up with a lot of bitching about it until you leave yet again.”

“Wow,” she nodded and smiled and licked her lips, “Um, I don’t think I could take your hardcore bitching …So, here I am—rock you like a hurricane, but if you start to be a hardcore bitch I am so outta here.”

“No see, I’m only a hardcore bitch if you go to leave,” he explained with a smirk he tried to squash.

“And if I stay? You’re what a regular bitch?” she asked.

“Pretty much, but so are you, right?” he said.

“Pretty much,” she sighed.

“Should be fun then,” he said.

The End

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