A Different Life: Part 8

Giles was glad when he heard Gwen rummaging around in the kitchen. He hadn’t wanted to be alone. The dogs heard the door open and they came running almost knocking him down in their frenzied welcome. Crouching down he found some solace in their attention. Gwen came out of the kitchen at the commotion. “You’re so late. I thought you’d be home earlier.”

“I told you I was meeting Buffy.”

“Who?”

“Buffy, the woman you met.”

Gwen scrunched her face up. “You’ve lost me. Was this someone you introduced me to at the museum?” She smiled. “Was this a date? And you didn’t tell me?”

Giles rolled his eyes. “Gwen. It was the woman I was kissing here in this room last night when you barged in on us. Buffy Summers. Blonde, American, you shook her hand in the kitchen.”

Looking concerned she walked over to Giles. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. What woman?”

The fear started to grow again. “I don’t think this is funny, Gwen.”

“I’m not trying to be funny. I really don’t know who you’re talking about. I wasn’t here last night.” She frowned at him. “Have you been drinking?” She couldn’t remember the last time he’d had too much to drink.

Giles stood and taking Gwen by the elbow he took her into the kitchen and sat her down. “Gwen, on Saturday I met this woman, her name was Buffy Summers. Ethan knocked her down. You ran into her on Sunday and you told her I usually walk the dogs on weekends because you could tell she was interested in me. You’ve got to remember this.”

Gwen shook her head. “This Sunday? The one that just happened?” She wanted to help but she was lost. “I met Belinda at the park on Sunday.”

Giles blew out a breath. “No, remember I dreamed about her? I dreamed that she had died. And you told me that it was because she was my soul mate.” His voice was starting to get a little desperate. “Gwen, you have to remember. I met her again at the museum and you teased me because I forgot about her when I took that phone call and lost track of time. Then you were so glad that I found her again. You said that to me last night before you left.”

Gwen put her hand on Giles’ face. “Are you all right? I don’t know what to say to you. I don’t remember any of this.”

Giles groaned and he pushed out of his chair, pacing around the kitchen. “She was here. She was… she was mine. Gwen, she was right here.” He leaned against the counter and covered his face with his hands. When he removed them she gasped at the look on his face.

Springing up she crossed the kitchen and took his hands. “Ru, I…” Finding no words to deal with whatever he was going through she simply hugged him. He held her tightly for the longest time.

Gwen spent the night and in the morning she tried to talk him into taking the day off but he insisted on going in. Giles wanted to talk to Nathan and to Susan Chin. They had seen her; they had spoken to her and he was frantic for proof of her existence. Gwen watched him leave, worry clear on her face.

When Giles got to the museum he hunted down Nathan. Nathan gave him a grin. “Daniel’s already called. He needs you to talk to the Egyptian authorities. They’re giving him a headache.”

Giles waved Daniel’s concerns away. He asked his question carefully. “Did you see the woman I was with last night?”

Nathan looked confused. “When? Before we left the museum? Or when we were at dinner?”

“We had dinner last night?”

“We tried out that new Italian restaurant. The one in Soho.” Nathan ran his hand over his chin. “At least I think it was last night. What’s today? Wednesday, right? So, yes, it was last night.” He grinned at Giles. “You didn’t have that much to drink.”

Giles couldn’t speak. He leaned against the wall and tried to keep his body from trembling. None of this made sense. Either he was going mad or the world around him was. Nathan looked at him, concerned. “Are you all right?”

Summoning some strength Giles shook his head. “No, I don’t feel very well. I think I’ll go and sit down.” Nathan fussed over him as he escorted Giles to his office. As he left to go get Giles some tea Giles put a hand on his arm. “Would you find Dr. Chin for me?”

Nathan nodded. A few minutes later Nathan showed up with tea and Dr. Chin. Giles directed her to sit. Nathan dropped off the tea and left, telling Giles to call him if he needed anything. Giles looked at Susan. “Do you remember the students who were in here Monday, the ones who came to look at the new artifacts?”

Susan nodded. “The ones I was with when you came in with a group of people? The ones you asked me to speak to?”

Giles almost gasped with relief. “Yes, those students.”

She grinned. “Well, then, yes I do remember them.” She looked at him, her eyebrows raised in curiosity. “Is there a problem?”

“Do you remember me talking to one of them? A blonde, hair down to her shoulders, in a light purple jacket?”

Looking confused Susan shook her head. “You didn’t talk to any of them. You waited until I was done and then you took the group away. Unless you talked to someone later.” She thought for a minute. “I don’t remember a blonde in a purple jacket. And I’m pretty sure I talked to all of them. We rotated them around.”

Giles sat back in his chair. “Yes, well thank you. That will be all.” As she got up to go Giles stood as well. “If anyone needs me I’ll be at home. I’m not feeling quite myself today. Will you work with Nathan on covering my meetings?”

“Of course. Do you need anything?”

“No, no.” He followed her out of his office and then he headed outside. His head bowed he thought for a moment and then he started running for the University. As he reached the building that housed the Department of History, Classics and Archeology he headed for administration.

Beverly looked up as he entered. “Dr. Giles. How are you today?” She frowned. “I didn’t think you were teaching classes this term.”

He smiled at the secretary. “I’m not. But I am working with one of the students on a project. I’ve lost her number. Can you look her up for me?”

“Absolutely. What’s her name?”

“Buffy Summers.” Giles waited impatiently as Beverly looked the roster up in her computer.

“Are you sure she’s on this course?”

Giles wanted to scream. “Yes, yes I’m sure. She’s from California, doing her senior year here.”

Beverly shook her head. “I don’t have her on the list. Do you want me to try another department?”

Feeling dangerously frustrated on every front, Giles shook his head. “No.” Slamming his hand against the wall he left.

***

“Buffy.” A pause, then louder. “Buffy.”

Buffy looked up. Her eyes were glassy. Another voice spoke. “Hey, Buffy, are you okay? You’re making us nervous.”

She shook her head and looked at her friends. “Yeah, I think so.”

Xander made a face. “Cuz I gotta tell you, I was almost thinking I might have to call Wes. And you know I hate to call him about anything.”

Willow chimed in. “Especially because we’re here. You know, at the Bronze. He’d flip.”

Xander leaned in. “Yeah, he might think you’re having fun.”

Willow put her hand on Buffy’s arm. “So are you all right?”

Buffy looked around her and took a deep breath. She was back. She was back and she was with Willow and Xander at the Bronze. Different memories were fighting for dominance in her brain and nothing seemed particularly clear. “So, you mean Wes, like my Watcher Wes?”

Willow made a face. “Yes, he’s the major general. And I don’t mean that in a Pirates of Penzance sort of way, you know with singing and frolicking.”

Buffy’s heart ached at the thought of asking the question but she knew she had to. “And he’s always been my Watcher?”

Xander looked at Buffy with a funny expression on his face. “I know he’s bad but you’re usually willing to at least admit he’s your Watcher.”

Buffy thought about another question that might tell her what she needed but didn’t want to know. “What was the librarian’s name in high school?”

Xander and Willow looked at each other. Willow answered. “Miss Contino.”

Xander shivered. “And still I have nightmares.”

Buffy could remember Miss Contino now. Wes had not become the librarian. He would never have taken a job like that, sure that it was beneath him. She looked at Xander. “Where’s Anya?”

Xander looked confused. “Anya who?”

“Your fiancée.”

“Man, Buffy, I’m not sure where you went when you faded out there for a couple of minutes but I’m thinking it was an alternate universe or something.” He patted himself on the chest. “You’re looking at a single guy here. Just me and my two gal pals.”

Buffy looked at Willow. “And Tara?”

It was Willow’s turn to look confused. “Who’s Tara?”

“Your girlfriend.”

Willow looked alarmed. “You mean girlfriend, girlfriend, like, you know, like boyfriend but girlfriend type of girlfriend? I don’t have one of those. I don’t even have a boyfriend.”

“Do you do magic?”

Willow grinned. “I wish.” Then she frowned. “Buffy, what’s going on?”

Xander agreed. “Yeah, what’s with the twilight zone twenty questions?”

Buffy wasn’t done. “Where’s Dawn?”

“She’s home.”

Buffy’s eyes widened. “Alone?”

Xander shook his head. “No, she’s with…Buffy, you’re starting to wig me out here a little.”

“Did we fight Glory?”

Xander and Willow exchanged another glance, this one quite worried. “Yeah, you jumped into that rift thing and saved us all. Even Wes was impressed.” Xander scowled. “Although afterwards he was mostly just annoyed that you got hurt. Like you’d done it on purpose to get out of patrolling.”

“I didn’t die?”

Another glance was exchanged. “No. Well, almost. You were in the hospital for a long time.”

Buffy closed her eyes. All she wanted was Giles’ arms around her. She’d even have settled for him just watching her the way he always had. But instead she had no one’s arms, and she had Wes. And the memories that were slowly oozing into her head were not particularly pleasant. Standing she smiled at her friends. “I need to make a pit stop. I’ll be right back.” Without waiting for a reply she spun around and walked away.

Xander looked at Willow. “Now, was that really weird or did I miss a stop somewhere?”

Willow followed Buffy with her eyes. “That was pretty weird. I mean she’s been kind of off ever since she almost died but that was way, way off.”

Willow was tempted to follow Buffy. She had been out of the hospital for a month now and with her Slayer healing she was almost back to complete physical health. But, something had been different. Wes hadn’t noticed. He never noticed anything unless it had to do with how well she could kill a vampire. He didn’t care about Buffy’s personal life except that he didn’t want her to have one. Wes felt it was irrelevant to her duty.

Willow knew the only reason she and Xander had been able to stay friends with Buffy was because Joyce had put her foot down and insisted. And that was after Joyce had gone head to head with Wes about where Buffy was going to live. Wes had wanted to take Buffy away from Joyce so that she could be submersed in her training and studies. But he hadn’t reckoned with Joyce. Apparently most mom’s of most Slayers knew what was expected of them. They expected to lose their daughters to their training, to their calling but Joyce wasn’t like those moms. And the only way Wes could have taken Buffy away was over Joyce’s dead body.

Willow looked to see if Buffy was coming back. “What do you think is wrong with her?”

Xander shrugged his shoulders. “Well, this might sound sort of crazy but…” He hesitated.

Willow’s eyes widened. “You had a theory and you didn’t tell me? What kind of friend are you? Spill.”

“Just don’t hurt me if this seems really, really lame.” He paused. “I know Buffy seems okay, or seemed okay most of the time but it’s gotta kind of suck, being the Slayer and having a Watcher like Wes. I mean even Kendra’s Watcher, Sam, is pretty cool. He wouldn’t care if we were here tonight. He wouldn’t care if Kendra was here tonight. I think he wishes she’d relax a little, have a little fun but she’s like this Energizer Bunny of a Slayer, she just keeps going and going…”

“Xander. Buffy theory.”

He sat up straighter. “Right, sorry.” The whole Kendra thing bugged him. He kind of liked her but she was too busy being the Slayer to give him the time of day. “Okay, so Buffy, sucky life. No fun, no boyfriends, no college. Sees you go off to college, sees me get to be traveler adventurer occasional dishwasher but all she gets to do is stay home and train and then go kill things that want to kill her.”

Willow encouraged him with her hands. “Go on.”

“So, Glory comes and things are even more stressful than usual and then she jumps to save Dawn, to save us all and she ends up in the hospital.” He paused. “Willow, I saw her eyes when she first woke up after that coma she was in and …” He closed his eyes in pain, remembering what he’d seen, wishing he hadn’t.

Willow smacked him. “Xander, she’ll be back soon. Keep talking.”

“She looked sad to be alive. She looked like she’d been hoping that fall would kill her and she couldn’t believe she was still alive, that this was still her life.” Xander’s voice had gotten thick with the telling of it. The punch in his gut when he’d seen her eyes that night still had the power to affect him.

Willow’s eyes teared in response to his emotions. “You think she wishes she was dead, that she had died?”

“I just think that there’s not a whole lot about her life that would make her want to sign on for another season.”

“She’s got us.”

Xander smiled sadly at his best friend. “Yes, she does. But I don’t know if it makes up for the rest of it.”

“So why was she acting so crazy just now?”

“You got me on that one. I’m a one theory at a time guy.”

Willow let out a long sigh. “I don’t want her to be sad.”

***

Buffy sat in the toilet stall crying. She wasn’t even sure what she was crying about. Most of it was about Giles. Having to leave Giles and knowing that he was out of her life completely was like being ripped out of heaven again. But mixed in with that pain were old memories and new memories that were filled with pain as well. Her old life as a Slayer had buffeted her until in defense she’d become hardened and filled with dark emotions. And those last few months before she had traded her life away for a dream had been the worst in her life. This life had been gentler in some ways, but it had insidiously sucked away her joy until she knew she seldom experienced it anymore.

And then, in between these lives as a Slayer, there had been the dream. Buffy covered her face with her hands, and let out a cry. No Giles. No Giles. He didn’t even know who she was. She had never gone to London now, they hadn’t met, they hadn’t made love, and they hadn’t fallen in love so fast that it had turned her life upside down with an indescribable joy. He wasn’t hers to call, or to even think about. Her life felt meaningless. It felt as if it contained nothing but death, too many years of it, too many lifetimes of it.

She heard the door open and knew it was Willow. Buffy started to dry her tears.

Willow called out. “Buffy. You’ve been in here forever. Are you okay?” She bent down and started looking for Buffy’s feet under the stall.

“I’m fine. I was just thinking.” Willow could tell by her voice that she had been crying.

Willow wished there was something she could do to help. “Is there something you want to talk about?”

Buffy couldn’t help but smile. Willow had been her friend in this life much as she’d been her friend in her first life. But in this life she had stayed the Willow that Buffy loved so much. No magic, just Willow. Just the best friend anyone could want, let alone a Slayer who shouldn’t even have friends. Buffy left the stall and went to hug Willow. “Thanks Willow. I’m just glad you’re here. I’m just glad you’re you.”

Willow hugged her back. “Me too. I mean, glad that you’re you.” She looked at Buffy. “I know that your life must seem sort of sucky sometimes but that’s what we’re here for, you know, to help make it less sucky. So if there’s anything we can ever do to make things less sucky for you then you’d tell us, right?”

Buffy longed to tell Willow about Giles but it was too raw a wound and she didn’t think that Willow would believe her. “You bet. Any anti-sucking that needs to take place, I know right where to go.”

Willow didn’t really want to settle with that but she also didn’t want to push. “Are you okay? You were acting sort of spacey out there.”

Buffy smiled sadly. “I’m sorry. I sort of got lost in some memories. I’m okay now.” She looked at Willow. “So, who’s with Dawn again?”

“Your mom. At home.”

Buffy’s jaw dropped. “My mom, my mom’s alive?” She grabbed Willow. “She didn’t die?”

Willow shook her head, alarmed anew. “No, she’s fine.”

“She didn’t have an aneurysm?”

“Yeah, but she was at the hospital. They did surgery again and fixed it.”

Buffy’s heart was pounding. Her mom was alive. “I have to go home. I have to go home now.”

“Sure, Buffy…” Willow was talking to air. Buffy was gone. Willow left the bathroom and headed back to Xander.

Xander was watching the front door. “Was that Buffy making like a speeding bullet? What’d you say to her?”

“I told her that Dawn was home with her mom and she got all crazy again and left.”

Xander ran a hand through his hair. Then he sighed. “Slayers, can’t live with them, can’t live without them.” He grinned ruefully at Willow. “Wanna dance?”

Willow looked at the front door. “Ah, sure, I guess. You don’t think we should make sure she’s okay?”

Xander stood shaking his head. “Nah, it’s Joyce’s shift now. Time for her to earn that mom pay.”

Willow tightened her lips in concern but then she shrugged. “Okay. Let’s dance.” She grinned up at Xander and the two of them headed for the dance floor.

End Part 8