RATING: PG-13 for a couple curse words
SUMMARY: Spike & Oz dialogue fic.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine.
Curl Up and Dye
by Rebecca Carefoot
"Ow!"
"Baby."
"That burns, you bloody git. You're supposed to put the Sweet and Low in first."
"I did put it in."
"Then you didn't put enough. It fucking burns!"
"You're a vampire. This is peroxide. You should be able to handle it. Take a deep breath and chill out."
"I don't breathe!"
"Then just chill out. Are you sure you killed two Slayers?"
"Well, I haven't killed any werewolves yet. Maybe I should get started on that."
"No way you can handle the backlash from the chip if peroxide gets you this worked up."
"I bet I could kill you. You aren't human."
"Not demon either."
"So it's a fifty-fifty chance."
"Put the fangs away. Or the claws will come out."
"Clever."
"Occasionally."
"Be careful where you put that, Rover."
"I think I know how to bleach hair."
"Well, I'm not so sure."
"Have you seen my hair?"
"I'm not blind."
"Do you really think I was born with hair this color?"
"This was a bad idea."
"You wouldn't say that if you had a reflection."
"I LIKE my roots dark, thank you very much. I think it looks tough, edgy, you know?"
"Just proves you haven't seen it."
"Are you trying to say something about the way I look?"
"Not at all, you're a very attractive man."
"Damn right I am."
"But the hair..."
"Put another packet in there, goddamn it."
"Have you always been this pissy or is it the demon?"
"I don't know. Maybe a little of both. Ahhhh!"
"I'm trying to concentrate."
"God forbid your meditations be interrupted."
"Do you WANT to be bald?"
"I want to be in a place that is not Nepal, with anyone who is not a stunted wolfboy. I want to watch Passions. I want for Buffy to be alive."
"I want to be around Willow without almost killing her. You can't always get what you want."
"Oh, that's deep. It takes a smart man to quote the Rolling Stones."
"Damn straight."
"You-"
"Close your eyes."
"Augh!"
"Stop moving."
"Rinse it off. Rinse it off!"
"How is it possible that you've done this before? You've kept this hair bleached for how many years?"
"Longer than you've been alive."
"My point exactly."
"Dru used to help...distract me."
"Do I want to know how?"
"Do you?"
"Nah."
"Don't you have anything to do around here? TV? Radio? Anything?"
"We're on a mountain top in Nepal. You want to lug a TV up here, be my guest. Good luck getting a signal."
"No need to get snippy."
"Snippy?"
"I thought I detected a note of snippiness."
"I don't get snippy."
"Are you sure, cause that sounded a little snippy right there. Do you at least have a light?"
"You can't smoke in here."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm trying to purify my soul."
"Good luck with that."
"Stick your head under the spigot."
"Stick your head up your ass."
"Are you *sure* you don't want to be bald?"
"This water is fucking cold!"
"Did you not catch the mountain top in Nepal thing?"
"Sod off."
"You're done."
"Got a mirror?"
"Funny."
"How do I know you didn't turn my hair blue?"
"You don't."
"Huh."
"Yeah."
end
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