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Buffy took a deep breath and knocked cautiously on Angel's door. It wasn't full dark yet, but she had a feeling he would be awake. She heard feet shuffling towards the door, which soon swung open to reveal Angel behind it. He smiled when he saw her, his eyes lighting up in a way that proved to her how happy he was to see her. He stood for a moment in the doorway, then stepped aside to let her in. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a white dress shirt with the top three buttons undone. It left just enough of his bare chest showing to give Buffy the sudden urge to kiss the smooth flesh and tear the shirt away from his body. *Down girl,* she told herself. *That comes later.*

"So what's with the picnic basket?" Angel asked once she had entered the room.

"A picnic," Buffy answered with a grin, then she paused. "I mean, um providing of course that you can eat food of the non-blood variety."

"I can eat it," Angel said. "It just doesn't do anything for the hunger."

"Well, I was thinking you could drink some blood while I eat?" Buffy suggested.

"I already ate," Angel said with a smile. "I knew you were coming so I thought it would be better for me not to be..."

"Well okay then," said Buffy as his voice trailed off. "Then sit down, and I'll set up the picnic." She spread the tablecloth out on the floor, and set the places with plates, silverware and cups. Then she pulled out the food and sat down next to Angel.

"This is amazing," said Angel. "You are amazing." He looked at Buffy for a long moment, and she felt herself falling deeper and deeper into his eyes.

"You're pretty amazing yourself," she muttered as their heads drew slowly together and their lips met. She felt his arm encircle her waist, pulling her closer, as she slid her own hands over his chest and to his back. Their lips parted for a nanosecond then connected again. Buffy felt Angel's tongue tentatively enter her mouth, and she stretched her own tongue out when his withdrew. They explored each other's mouths with their tongues while their hands explored each other's bodies. Buffy thought for a moment about the food, then discarded the thought. She didn't care about the food. She just wanted to stay in his arms. But slowly Angel pulled away. He broke the kiss and looked toward the picnic.

"We should eat," he said softly. Buffy sighed a little with disappointment and looked at the food.

"I'm not really hungry."

"But you went through all this trouble."

"I guess." Angel grabbed a piece of chocolate and held it out to her. With a sly grin, she took the chocolate out of his hand with her mouth, quietly licking and sucking on his fingers. He tenderly stroked the side of her face with his hand and she turned her face towards it, gently biting his palm with her teeth. She moved closer to him and snuggled down beside him. She leaned her head against his chest, and he shifted to wrap his arms around her. They sat in silence for a while, comfortable silence.

"Sometimes," Angel said, finally breaking the silence. "At times like this, I feel like everything is perfect and nothing can possibly go wrong. You know what I mean?  I mean, it's like when I hold you everything will be okay."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I know." Buffy turned her head to smile up at Angel. "I love you too."

"Are you sure you don't want to eat anything?" Angel asked.

"Are you going to feed it to me?"

"If you want me to," Angel said with a grin. "What do you want, a sandwich?"

"K." Buffy said, opening her mouth. Angel grabbed one of the sandwiches and broke off a piece. He placed the food into her mouth and she clamped her jaws shut catching his finger. She grinned at him, then released the finger which he shook in mock pain.

"You're dangerous," he told her. She batted her eyes at him in overdone coyness and opened her mouth again. After a few minutes, the sandwich was gone. Buffy opened one of the drinks and swallowed about half of the contents of the bottle.

"So now that you've eaten what do you want to do?" Angel asked.

"I'm going to Disneyland!" Buffy exclaimed, causing Angel to laugh. "Actually I'll be right back, " Buffy declared. She kissed his mouth lightly barely allowing her lips to touch his, and then she entered the bathroom, closing the door. In her hand she held the bag with her lingerie and the condoms. She heart pounded loudly in her chest as she slipped out of her dress and into the tiny piece of satiny white material. She wiped slightly sweaty palms on one of the towels and took a deep breath. "There's nothing to be nervous about," she muttered to her reflection in the mirror. She grabbed her brush and ran it through her hair a few times. Then she opened the box of condoms and pulled one out, putting the box back into her bag. *Let's hope he knows how to use these,* she thought. "And let's hope he doesn't laugh out loud when he sees me," she whispered to herself. Taking another deep breath, she opened the bathroom door and slipped back out into the main room. Angel was kneeling down putting away the leftovers from the picnic. Following a sudden impulse, Buffy crept up behind him and covered his eyes.

"Do you want me to guess who?" Angel asked.

"Not really," Buffy decided, removing her hands. Angel turned around to look at her, one of the sandwiches still clutched in his hand. When he saw her, he dropped the sandwich from suddenly nerveless fingers. His eyes widened a little and he mouthed the word 'wow' to himself. The white satin fit her perfectly, leaving just enough to the imagination that he wanted to remove the little white teddy from her body. But revealing so much that he felt his adrenaline begin to race.

"So you like it?" Buffy asked.

"You look so beautiful," Angel answered. "But why are you wearing..."

"Angel, I want you to make love to me," Buffy said bluntly. She took a step toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck, moving her lips up to meet his. He responded to her kiss, then pushed her away roughly.

"What?" she asked.

"I can't.."

"Are you saying you don't want to have sex with me?" she asked.

"No!" he exclaimed. "It's not that I don't want to. I just don't think it would be a good idea."

"Why not?"

"I've told you. I don't know what could happen. And I refuse to put you in danger."

"Why don't you let me decide about whether I put myself I danger?"

"All right then, let's say I can retain control and nothing like that happens. I still don't think that it's a good idea." Angel tried to collect his thoughts. "You're young, Buffy. You don't know what you're saying."

"Why do you assume I can't know what I want? Why do you think I'm too young?" Buffy asked, her voice rising. "I am not young. I've been through enough hell to grow old...to know what I want. And I want this!"

"Buffy," Angel pleaded. "If we do this it changes everything."

"Why does that have to be a bad thing?" Buffy asked softly.

"I just don't think you understand what you're getting into."

"Maybe I don't! But I know that I am in love with you, and I want you to be the one I lose my virginity to. Slaying takes over my life, it IS my life. And most likely it'll be what kills me too." Buffy continued to advance toward Angel, and he continued to retreat until his back touched up against the wall. She lifted her face to him and hissed, "I am going to die, Angel. That's a given. How soon it's going to happen, I don't know. But can't you see that I have to live now. I need you; I need something besides the slaying."

"I'm afraid," he admitted refusing to meet her eyes.

"I know. I am too. But I trust you. And I want to do this with YOU, nobody else."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't," Buffy answered simply. She could see his resistance wavering.

"I haven't had any practice for a very long time," he said with a self-depreciating smile.

"I'm pretty sure it's like riding a bike, you never forget how," she said as she grabbed his hand, leading him towards the bed.

"Are you really sure about this?" he asked.

"I'm sure," she stated firmly, and she handed him a condom. He looked at it for a moment, then at her.

"God, you are so beautiful," he whispered. She sat down on the bed, and he stood before her unbuttoning his shirt. Deciding to help ,she stretched out her hand and finished unbuttoning it for him. Then she pushed it off his chest and let it drop to the floor. She ran her hands over the tight muscles of his chest, sending shivers down his spine. He knelt on the bed and brought her face to his for a deep kiss that left Buffy breathless. Slowly he left a trail of soft kisses down the side of her neck to her chest and breasts. He hesitated a moment and looked into her eyes, making sure that she hadn't changed her mind; making sure that this was still what she wanted. For an answer she took his hand and used it to push the straps of her teddy off her shoulders. The silky material fell to her waist revealing her breasts. He kissed them each lightly, sucking gently on her nipples. She cried out a little in surprise at the wave of pleasure that threatened to engulf her and fell back onto the bed, pulling him with her. She licked his lips with her tongue, then moved down along his neck nibbling and biting to his chest. He lifted her head and met her lips with his again. As she kissed him her hands worked at his jeans, finding the button and undoing the zipper. She began to pull them down and he helped her, stripping off his underwear at the same time.

They finally managed to get his jeans off ,and she stripped her lingerie off completely, throwing it off the bed. Naked, they lay back again. She was a little frightened, but her body was tingling in places she didn't even know she had. Gently he stroked the length of her body along it's side. He slid his hand along the outside of her thigh, then slid it along the inside, lightly teasing the tender flesh. He broke away from her to grab the condom off the bed where he had laid it. As quickly as he could, he rolled the protective sheath over his erection. Buffy stared at his large erection with wide eyes. He saw the fear she tried to hide and touched her lips with his finger. She kissed his finger softly and looked into his eyes. As she stared at him, she felt her fear fade. Smiling she leaned forward to grab his earlobe with her teeth, while she entwined her fingers in his hair. Then she wrapped her legs around his body and felt him enter her. The smell of blood filled both their noses as he slid inside her. A moment of sharp pain brought tears to Buffy's eyes. Then pleasure drove the pain away.

He felt the smell of blood driving the sense from his mind, and fought it with all his soul. His hands played along her body as he held her close to him. He rocked rhythmically and she lifted her hips to meet his thrusts. He felt the passion sweeping him away, and he held onto her name even as he held onto her body. Fighting for control, he whispered her name like a mantra. Slowly he felt hunger recede as love replaced it. He kissed her lips, then her closed eyelids and her mouth again. She swallowed a scream as she felt her body climaxing, and she dug her fingernails into his back, gasping. A few moments later he came into her, and she nearly screamed again. Exhausted, he settled for a moment on top of her, and she held his head close to her, his face buried in the curve of her neck. She felt a moment of sadness as he moved off her, his comfortable weight leaving her body. With a small sigh she placed her arm over him, hugging his side and rested her head on his chest. She closed her eyes and lay still, feeling her breath enter and leave her body. He burrowed his arm beneath her neck and shoulders, loving the feel of her breath as it tickled his chest, loving the feel of her trust as she lay naked in his arms. He kissed the top of her head lightly, loving her with all his heart.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Why?"

"For letting me do this. It was something that I had to do. For letting me love you." Angel felt tears spring up in his eyes. Letting her love him? He was more grateful to her for loving him than he could possibly explain. She trusted him when no one else in their right mind would. She accepted his limitations which were so many he couldn't even begin to list them. She accepted his past and loved him despite it all. She had done the impossible in loving him. She had made his life worth living, driven away his loneliness, and given him something to hold on to. Letting her love him? He thanked every great power in the universe that she loved him. It was a freaking miracle that she loved him.

"No," he said softly, knowing he could not communicate his thoughts to her. "I should be the one to thank you." She knew what he was thinking. She knew his self-hatred and his fears. She knew he could not understand that despite the complications of loving a vampire she would not trade one minute of it. She would not look with regret on any moment they spent together. Their fights, their tears, their laughter; it was all part of something she could not fully understand and she would never be able to explain. Their love.

He had been right. Things would be different now. She wasn't even sure how, but they would. Still whatever changes would come, she was glad they had done this. She was glad that they had joined together, that they had been as intimate as a man and woman could. It was an extension of their love and an expression of trust that she could lie in his arms without defenses and feel no fear. The future was always uncertain. But she thought of her friends and of the man that held her in his arms, and she knew she was lucky. As long as she had him, she didn't mind the painful parts. She could handle life if she had him to love. The Slayer smiled a little.

"You were pretty good for an old guy."

"Gee thanks," Angel answered sarcastically. She kissed his chest and closed her eyes again.

"I'm glad we did this."

"So am I actually," he admitted. He looked her, feeling the regular rhythm of her breathing as she drifted off to sleep. He covered them both with a blanket. Then he lay back, watching her sleeping form. He felt a rush of happiness flow through him. Things would never be easy; he didn't expect them to be. But with her by his side, he knew he could handle anything life threw their way. With a smile he closed his eyes, and let himself relax. There would be moments of passion and moments of pain. But these times were the best. The times when they were just together, no obligations, no pain. Just the two of them. And he would love her until he died, protect her whenever he could; all the while thanking his lucky stars that she saw fit to love him back. That she chose him, when it would've been easier to walk away. He let sleep claim him and lay still with her body in his arms and her face in his dreams.

the end


Go on to the sequel...High Noon

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