RATED: PG
SUMMARY: Cordelia's hunted by a vampire in the mall. Based on "Chase Scene" by Mediancat.
DISCLAIMER: Joss and Fox own Buffy, Rob owns the plot.
The original story by Mediancat can be found at the Slayer's Fanfic Archive, here.

This One Time at the Mall

by Rebecca Carefoot

So I'm trapped in the mall with this guy, this vampire guy, and normally I'd say any day at the mall is a good day, but in this case I'd have to make an exception. Because basically the only reason I'm not dead yet is this guy, Giles said his name is Livingston, used to be a big game hunter in Africa or wherever and now that he's a vampire he's still hunting...but with humans. In this case, specifically, me.

And you'd *think* that Buffy would be there, since she's the *Slayer* and it's pretty much her job to be chased by vampires. But no, she and Xander and Giles are all sitting around in the middle of the forest, totally useless, because Livingston scammed them into thinking he'd be there. And Giles is supposed to be this really smart guy, but I have to say *what-ever* here because frankly vampires aren't exactly the Einsteins of the demon world.

So Oz and Willow and I were doing some shopping because what else were we going to do? Sit around and wait for the others to drag their sorry asses home from sitting around with the trees? But for the first time in my life, it turns out shopping was a bad idea, and now Oz and Willow and some of the mall security guards are all tied up in the men's room, and I'm running for my life.

Which is, for the record, not exactly fun.

Right, so I go upstairs, and try to break through the glass door with a garbage can, which is a pretty good idea, only it doesn't exactly work and it tells Mr. Big Gun exactly where I am. So about a half second later I'm diving to the ground in a Prada *original* I might add, to avoid getting shot. Which I do. Avoid, I mean. And while the vampire's busy reloading, I manage to jump over the railing and land in a fountain, which pretty much seals the fact that my outfit is ruined.

More shots, but I'm already running, because I'm not exactly going to wait around while he jumps over the railing after me. Plus now he's gone all gang member on PCP with the wrinkly face and that's not encouraging me to stick around.

So I'm on the run and I'm asking myself, where the heck am I going to find a stake or holy water in the *mall* especially since all the stores are locked up for the night? And you know, maybe if I was Buffy I could behead this guy with my fingernails or something, but I'm not so I'm pretty much screwed. But then I have this brilliant idea, and tell me this is not brilliant - I think, garlic!

So I haul ass over to the food court, narrowly missing being shot in the head yet again. And boy is that getting old. I head for the pizza place, and I'm trying to reach through the stupid gate thing and get the garlic before the vampire breathing down my neck can reload again. And of course, I grab the parmesan, which is just typical, and why do they put the parmesan closer to the edge of the counter than the garlic anyway? what is the purpose of that? But on my next try I snag the garlic, and I'm sitting there waiting for him before I realize, maybe the element of surprise would be a good thing here.

So I let Livingston get close enough to see me head for the bathrooms, and no I don't go into the bathrooms because have you seen those places? and I'm not that desperate yet. Anyway, Brain Trust over there, who you can totally tell has never seen himself in the mirror because he looks like a total idiot with this huge mustache that just does *not* go with the whole vampire wrinkly face, sees me, and I'm not running so he thinks I've given up and is being all cocky. Which I put a stop to by tossing the whole thing of garlic in his face. He immediately goes into seizures and, I've just gotta say it looked an awful lot like Xander dancing, but that's beside the point. I grab the gun while he's distracted by his face smoking and stuff. And I shoot him in the heart, which if he was a normal person would have been a great idea. But unfortunately the gun wasn't loaded with wood bullets, probably because there's no such thing, and long story short, it slows him down for a second but he's not dead. So I end up with this huge bruise on my shoulder, and look you can still see it, from the recoil and nothing to show for it besides an even more pissed off vamp.

At that point I start to run again, which is just good sense. And I'm trying every door along the employee's entrance hall, and none of them are opening. And then I come to the outside door and miracle! it's open. But that's when I get really heroic, because I didn't leave then, even though I could have, because I just kept thinking about Willow and Oz and I couldn't really bring myself to be all - well, too bad for you, you have to die instead of me. So anyway, I finally get another open door and it's the door to the CVS pharmacy.

I get inside and lock the door, but my nemesis guy is right outside the door and I know it's not going to hold that long. So I grab some alcohol and pour it on the floor with some lighters and attempt to prepare the whole store for an inferno. And just as I'm grabbing the matches, the stupid vamp with this big hole in his chest who just doesn't know when to *die*, breaks the door in.

I'm just about to toss one of the matches into the puddle of extreme flammability, when he smells the alcohol and jumps out of the freaking puddle. And then I drop the match when I'm trying to get away from him, and at that point I am pretty much annoyed. I run for it *again* because again, not Buffy over here, and can I just say thank God, because have you seen her lately and what is up with her hair?

And I head for the school supply row, and manage to break open one of those way, way too hard to open plastic packages that they put the number two pencils in. About a millisecond later, Dog Boy catches up to me and puts his icky hands on me, so I take the opportunity to pay him back for putting me through this *crap* by shoving the damn pencil into the hole I made in his chest as hard as I possibly can and I'm just sorry I couldn't push the damn thing all the way up through the top of his nasty, garlic scarred head.

And he explodes. Poof. Dust. I admit that's a nice feeling. Not a nice enough feeling to make up for my bruises and my outfit, *Prada* damn it. But still, it's a nice warm feeling watching one of those bastards poof so I guess Buffy does get *something* out of being the biggest freak in the known universe.

And that's about it. Of course I went back and let Willow loose and gave myself a much needed breather while she let Oz and the guards out. We left the guard there because how exactly were we supposed to explain that whole deal? Yeah, you don't have to look for the scary murderer, officer, because there's this pile of dust in the pharmacy that pretty much used to be him.

I've got to say, even though I managed to save us and everything, which is great, I don't know if I'll ever be able to go back to that mall again. I mean really, it's like those soldiers who come back from war. And I totally have like, combat memories or whatever, and I don't want to go and bring some traumatic flashbacks on myself. But they *are* having a sale at Bloomingdale's this Saturday. It's 35% off. So maybe I'll risk it.

end

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