* * * * * * *
Giles walked out of the stacks holding a cup of tea in one hand and a book in the other. As he set the book down on the table in the center of the library, Willow and Xander pushed the double doors open.
"Hey, G-man," Xander called cheerfully. Giles sighed inwardly, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.
"Well, you are certainly in high spirits today," he observed dryly.
"And why not?" Xander asked. "We kicked some vampire butt last night, without getting killed I might add." The boy glanced over at Willow and squeezed her hand. "Everything rocks."
Giles registered the fact that they had been holding hands since they had entered the room, and a smile brightened his face. *So the young people have worked things out between them, good.*
"Quite right," he said outloud. "We aren't dead. Good show."
"Always a plus when we don't die," Buffy agreed as she entered the room. She walked toward the others, limping slightly. "Not that we always lose when we die. But it's still a hassle." She hesitated when she reached the rest of the group clustered around the table. The awkward silence stretched for a few seconds before Willow filled it.
"So..." she began slowly, finding herself at a loss for words.
"You guys," Buffy interjected. "I know that I was awful to you all, but you have to forgive me."
"There's nothing to forgive," Willow said firmly, attempting to wipe the visual image of Buffy licking Xander's neck out of her mind. She winced slightly. "You didn't mean to do that stuff."
"It wasn't your fault, Buff," Xander offered. "The Anointed..."
"Made me do it," Buffy finished for him. "Yeah. I know. Sort of. But I can remember it all. I was still there, and I barely fought it. I let him tell me what to do, and if I had just fought harder maybe I could have stopped him."
"You mustn't blame yourself," Giles chided. "You had no way of knowing what was happening to you."
"And anyway, the important thing is that everything turned out great," Willow stated, glancing at Xander.
"You could have been killed. Angel could have..." Buffy began again.
"But he wasn't," Willow interrupted. "And we are fine. I even feel empowered. I got to use the crossbow." She grinned, and Buffy felt some of her guilt chip away.
"It is fun isn't it?" Buffy agreed.
"And we got to steal a car," Xander pointed out. "I think that's definitely the high point of my young life."
"Yeah," Buffy said, raising her eyebrows. "Giles, where did you learn to hot wire a car anyway?"
"It was uh...a-a lucky guess?" Giles scrambled. "There are these w-w-wires and I um...It just started." The three teenagers exchanged skeptical glances.
"Okay, you don't have to tell us," Buffy said with a shrug of her shoulders. "Where is your car by the way? Did you just leave it there?"
"Actually I drove back there and got it this morning," Giles explained. "I assumed it would be better to return Spike's car than to have it forcibly taken by a crowd of his flunkies."
"Well, what kind of thief are you if you return the car the next day?" Xander asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I am not a crook," Giles stated indignantly.
"Okay, Nixon. Anyway, I have another question," Xander said with a wag of his finger.
"Good Lord," Giles sighed. "What is it?"
"You told us that if we didn't stop the whole 'war' thing between the Annoying One and Spike there would be this big bloodbath in Sunnydale or whatever..." Xander began. "But Spike pretty much just killed the Anointed. There was no bloodbath, so what gives? You making up stuff now?"
"It wouldn't be the first time," Giles said seriously. But after seeing the shocked looks on the faces of the three young people, he couldn't keep a straight face. Their eyes grew even wider when they saw him break into laughter.
"It looks like Giles," Buffy said cautiously.
"Been drinking have you, G-man?" Xander asked sympathetically.
"Quite a bit," Giles confirmed, attempting to suppress fresh laughter over the three expressions that faced him. "Tea. I've been drinking tea." Willow sighed with relief and sank into one of the chairs surrounding the table.
"Giles, you're scaring Willow," Buffy said chidingly.
"Oh right, so I'm not allowed to joke?" Giles asked archly.
"Just warn us or something first," Xander said. "And hey, you never answered my question. This was all just a big diversion tactic, wasn't it? Well, I'm on to you."
"Right. The fact of the matter is that Buffy and Angel fighting turned out to be the best possible thing that could have happened," Giles explained.
"Now wait a minute," Buffy started to protest. She subsided when Giles waved a quieting hand at her.
"Much of the fight between the two groups occurred through them, instead of through the other vampires. It did not turn into the chaos it could have."
"I have broken ribs!" Buffy interjected.
"And Buffy greatly weakened the Anointed when she broke the bond with him," Giles continued. "Spike was able to finish it in one night, whereas if the Anointed was at full strength he would have been able to escape and draw the struggle out for an extended period of time."
"Okay, okay," Xander conceded. "You didn't make it all up. We actually did accomplish something. I get it."
"My ribs hurt!" Buffy pointed out. "And if I didn't have on make-up right now you would see that I still have a black eye."
"But you won," Giles argued. "And you broke the boy's hold on you."
"Okay...true," Buffy agreed. "But my knee is sore, and I have ouchies! And Angel..."
"Buffy, the way he protected you when Spike tried to hit you..." Willow said breathlessly. "He still loves you."
"I hope so," Buffy said uncertainly.
"Does it bother anyone else that he joined the dark side?" Xander asked. "Or am I the only one who cares that he obviously lost control?"
"It's not that it doesn't bother us," Willow argued. "It's just that he DID regain control."
"He couldn't kill you, Buffy," Giles said thoughtfully. "I commend the strength of will which brought Angel back to himself, which helped him regain control. But Xander does have a point. I know I cannot forbid you to see him, but you must be aware of the danger."
"You guys, it was all my fault that this happened anyway. I turned him evil when I dumped him."
"No. You cannot be held responsible for his actions," Giles said firmly. "Here let me take a look at that knee, and the ribs." Buffy climbed up on the library table, and continued to argue while Giles gently probed the wounds.
"But it never would have happened if I hadn't let the Anointed make me be so cruel to him. I mean, how do I apologize for what I did?"
"Well, it worked when you apologized to us," Xander pointed out.
"Thanks for not hating me, guys," Buffy said with a sigh. She looked at Willow and Xander hesitantly. "I'm going to go see him, but I want to talk to you guys for a second first. Giles, is that okay?"
"Of course, I had some filing to do anyway," Giles agreed quickly. "The rib is already healing, Buffy, and the knee is a minor sprain. I'll bring you a bandage for the knee, but it will be healed in just a few days," the Watcher informed his Slayer as he removed himself to his office.
"Thanks, Giles," Buffy said, watching him enter his office before turning to her best friends. "About what happened in the graveyard..." she began.
"Buffy," Willow began. "It wasn't your fault. We won't hold it against you. I swear."
"No, but it was," Buffy protested. "The Anointed didn't make me do that. I had this sort of vision thing after you guys left, and now I know it was him doing his ritual or whatever. But the point is, it was just me that did the..um," she stared intently at the table, "...licking."
"Yeah, but Buffy you had this vampire stuff happening to you, and you couldn't deal with it. It wasn't really you," Xander said reasonably.
"I should have been able to control the bloodlust," Buffy disputed.
"God, Buffy," Xander said with a sigh. "You're starting to sound like Angel...brooding, and sulking, and blaming yourself. Pretty soon you're going to start lurking."
"Ignoring him for a minute," Willow interjected. "I don't blame you for what happened. I'm not pretending it didn't screw things up a little between Xander and me, but they were things that were already screwed up, and now they're pretty much fixed." She caught Buffy's gaze and spoke with no hesitation. "There is nothing to forgive, Buffy. It was all between me and him, and it's not your responsibility."
"You guys are the best," Buffy said with a relieved smile. "I was so afraid you would never want to talk to me again, and I don't know what I'd do if you left me."
"Probably die an early death, miserable and alone, with only a frozen chicken to keep you company," Xander said in mock sadness.
"Isn't that sort of my fate anyway?" Buffy asked. "Well, except for the chicken part."
"You'll never be alone," Willow assured her friend. "We'll always be there, and so will Angel, and so will Giles."
"Giles what?" the librarian asked as he came back into the room with a bandage for Buffy's knee.
"Is the best damn Watcher-slash-Librarian ever!" exclaimed Xander, pounding the table for emphasis.
"Well, er, yes," Giles responded, a small grin touching his lips. "I suppose I am."
"I have to go see Angel, and try to salvage what I can," Buffy said with a sigh as Giles wrapped her knee. "One good thing. When I was getting milk out of the refrigerator today, I barely felt a twinge of lust for the bloody steak."
"Um...gross, but good," Willow stated.
"This is very good news," Giles agreed, finishing with the bandage and stepping back. "You should soon be back to normal."
"Thank God," Buffy muttered, climbing down off the table. "I'll see you guys tomorrow then," she said, walking gingerly as she tried out the newly wrapped knee. "And by the way, thanks for saving my butt in the warehouse."
"No problem," Xander said with a shrug. "I guess that makes it even for all the millions of times you've saved us." He grinned, and waved good-bye as Buffy headed for the door.
"Poor, Buffy," Willow whispered when the Slayer was out of earshot. "I hope everything works out between her and Angel."
"Me too," Xander said with a nod. He sniffed at the looks of disbelief he got from Giles and Willow. "What, I'm not allowed to mature?"
"Please do," Giles told him sincerely. "It becomes you." He hurried back to his office to look for more information on Spike. *If he is to be the new leader in Sunnydale, it would be best to find out all we can.* He pursed his lips. *A Watcher's work is never done.* But the truth was he wouldn't have it any other way.
"So what do you want to do now?" Willow asked once Giles was gone.
"I dunno. We could spend the day researching," Xander suggested.
"Um...yeah," Willow agreed scrunching her face in confusion. "Or you could poke out your own eyes."
"As long as I could do it with you, I know it would be fun," Xander said with a smile.
"Oh great, Xander. You have to go be all sweet," the redheaded hacker tried to frown disapprovingly, but failed miserably. As her mouth lifted into a smile, Xander captured her lips with his. He pulled her close, and she ran her hands up his back, grabbing a handful of his t-shirt. Slowly they parted, still standing close.
"I missed you," Xander whispered.
"We were only fighting for a day or two," Willow protested.
"It seemed like so much longer," Xander said with a sigh.
"Kiss me again," Willow suggested. Xander was only to happy to oblige. Neither of them heard the Watcher put down the blinds in his office window. He shook his head bemusedly, attempting to return his concentration to his books.
* * * * * * *
Spike lounged on the mattresses placed in the corner of the warehouse. He had ordered some of his followers to retrieve the bedding from the sewer and put up curtains to form a private space for him and Dru. They would go hunting for real furniture once the long day turned into night. He rolled over on his side and watched Drusilla for a moment.
She sat cross legged on the floor, tying some sort of blindfold on one of her dolls. He heard her murmur softly about "no cakes," and closed his eyes, letting the soft sounds she made enfold him.
"Spike?" he heard her say.
"Yes, ducks?" he answered, his eyes still closed.
"Come dance," she pleaded.
"I'm tired, Dru," he replied, not wanting to move. He heard her approach him, then felt her touch as she brushed her hand through his hair.
"It's been a long night," he told her. "I just want to get some sleep. I mean they stole my fucking car for Christ's sake." A soft whimper escaped her throat, and his eyes flew open. She looked at him sadly, with disappointment; and he immediately reached for her.
"I'm sorry, pet," he said sincerely, but she moved away from his outstretched arms.
"I need to...I need to feed Miss Edith," she whispered, moving with small steps toward her dolls. She staggered and dropped to her knees, keening. "I can feel my hair and fingernails grow old," she wailed in panic. "They're going to fall out. They're..." she began to cry, hands clutching at her hair and pulling with all her strength.
"Stop it," Spike begged, kneeling behind her and wrapping his arms around her body. "Please, princess, your hair isn't going to fall out."
"It is," she asserted. "And you won't love me anymore when I'm bald."
"I'll always love you," Spike promised. "You will always be beautiful."
"And I'll always be your princess?" Drusilla asked, sniffling a little.
"Of course," Spike replied. He got to his feet and bent to pick her up effortlessly in his arms. Her giggle of delight tickled his heart, and he broke into a grin.
"We're dancing, dearest," he whispered, spinning her in a circle. She threw her head back and laughed. After a moment, he placed her back on her feet and she grabbed his hands, leading him in a waltz around the room.
"The world sings of death," she said happily. "The Anointed One's dust dances with us."
"You're right, baby," Spike agreed. "And soon Angel's dust will dance too. He'll die along with that bitch of his." Spike clenched his jaw as anger coursed through him at the thought of his bastard sire and the way the prick had betrayed him. He struggled with the rage, managing to keep his face from transforming. He looked down at the dark headed vampire in his arms and smiled, feeling some of his rage dissipate.
"You'll kill them, Spike," Drusilla assured him, leaning in close to run her tongue up his neck. "You'll kill them for princess."
"I promise." Spike agreed, shuddering as her teeth nipped at him. He turned her head up and captured her lips in a savage, bruising kiss.
* * * * * * *
Angel sat on the edge of his bed, staring blankly at the wall. Vaguely he wondered how long he had been sitting there, doing nothing, nothing but thinking. He decided that he really didn't give a damn. Wearily he placed his head in his hands, rubbing at his eyes as if he could wipe away the last few days, as if he and Buffy could return to the way things were. *Before I lost control...before I let the demon out.*
Guilt eating at him, he clenched his hands into fists, pressing them into his face over his closed eyes. *I almost killed her. I hurt her.* The thought had been running through his mind since Giles had dropped him off the night before. Once the excitement, the danger, was past it all crashed down on him.
He could only hope that she would forgive him, for he knew he would never forgive himself. *I hit her.* Pounding against his skull, the facts with which he accused himself echoed over and over.
A timid knock broke through his reverie, and his head snapped up. *Buffy.* It was her. Panic coursed through him, but he composed himself, forcing his face to conform to his wishes. *Calm. Stay calm.* He rose from the bed and made his way to the door. As he turned the knob, he couldn't help but send a little prayer to anyone who happened to be listening. *Please don't let her hate me.* The door swung open, and he stared into Buffy's eyes.
For moments that stretched into eternities, they stared at each other. *Why doesn't he say something?* Buffy wondered. *Does he hate me so much he can't even speak?* Finally, she cleared her throat, breaking the silence.
"Can I come in?" she asked hesitantly.
"Oh!" Angel exclaimed, suddenly remembering his manners. "Yes, of course. Come in."
He held the door open, and Buffy quickly slipped inside the apartment. She snuck a glance at him, trying to judge his mood, trying to see into his heart. He stood like it hurt to move; she recognized the stance as one which mirrored her own. His face was tired, defeated. *I put that look there,* she realized. *It's because of me.* She felt her mouth start to crumple into a frown as she fought the urge to cry. Blinking rapidly, she drove the tears back and turned to face him.
Angel looked at his lover with stricken eyes; the pained limp in her step sent waves of regret through him. *She's hurt because of me.*
"Angel," he heard her say. "I came to say I'm sorry." She hesitated briefly, and when she got no reaction from him, quickly continued. "I know that I can never really make it up to you. I know that sorry isn't good enough. But it's all I have to give you." She fixed her eyes on the door, and blinked back tears again.
"You're apologizing to me?" Angel asked in disbelief, his mind whirling crazily as he tried to process the information. *She blames herself!*
"I know it doesn't make up for anything," she assured him. "And if you don't want to see me anymore I'll understand." She felt her mouth twist again as she said the words, but she swallowed hard and firmly met his eyes. *Be strong.*
"Buffy," Angel began, lost in her challenging gaze. "I'm the one who screwed up. I lost control, and I hurt you. That's unforgivable."
"What?" she asked, shaking her head in confusion. "What are you talking about? That was my fault."
"No," Angel denied. "It was all my fault. I wasn't possessed by the Anointed One. I did everything myself."
"But the things I said..." Buffy began, taking a step closer to the vampire, wanting more than anything to reach out and run her hand over his face, to touch him. She resisted the urge. *I have no right.*.
"They were just words, Buffy," Angel said, remembering how much those words had hurt. *I can't let her blame herself. She doesn't deserve that.*
"I didn't mean them," the Slayer said softly. "I didn't mean any of it. I want so badly to take it all back."
"Consider it taken back then," Angel declared. "I would never hold those things against you. You must know that. It wasn't even your choice to say them."
"But you didn't know that then..."
"It doesn't matter," Angel interrupted. "I'm the one who deserves all the blame. I joined Spike. I fed on a human being."
"You killed someone?" Buffy asked, shocked. *If he killed because of what I did...*
"Well, no," Angel admitted, seeing a horror in her eyes which mirrored his own reaction to what he had done. "But I was so close. I almost drained her."
"But you didn't," Buffy said with relief. "Even with the demon dominant you couldn't kill. You couldn't kill me."
"But I hurt you," Angel protested, refusing to meet her eyes.
"And I hurt you," Buffy pointed out.
"It's not the same..."
"Angel, I'm not going to let you take the responsibility for this. It wasn't your fault," Buffy said determinedly.
"And I'm not going to let you take responsibility either," Angel answered stubbornly. "I won't let you blame yourself for something I did." They stood a few feet from each other, at an impasse, neither willing to blame the other. The few steps that stretched between them seemed an impenetrable wall which neither knew how to cross. *Is this how it ends?* Buffy wondered. *I let him go because I'm too afraid to take the first step?*
"Where does that leave us?" she asked uncertainly, her foot moving forward a step.
"I don't know," the vampire admitted, watching as she advanced another step.
"Do you..." Buffy began. She broke off, not sure she wanted to know the answer to her own question. "Do you still want me?" she forced herself to continue.
Angel felt his jaw drop in surprise. *How can she not know the answer to that?* he wondered. *How could there be any doubt in her mind?* Buffy waited uncomfortably for him to speak, each second seeming to add a rock to her chest, pushing against her heart. With two quick steps, he closed the distance between them.
"Always," he said softly. "I will never stop wanting you." She stared anxiously into his eyes, seeing the truth behind his statement. "I will love you until I am dust," he finished, feeling himself choke on the words as a lump rose up in his throat. He swallowed hard and brushed a lock of hair from Buffy's face, tucking it behind her ear.
At his touch, the tears she had been fighting burst through. She began to cry, burying her face in his chest. His arms instinctively encircled her body and held her gingerly, accutely aware of the pain too tight an embrace would cause. He offered all the comfort he had to give
"I love you," she gasped through her tears. "Forever and always. I swear it."
"Forever and always," he whispered, wonder filling him with the realization that she still loved him, after everything he had done. She still sought comfort in HIS arms. His hands rubbed patterns into her back, and he placed a kiss on the top of her head, whispering comforting words neither of them would remember.
"I'm so sorry," she told him shakily, as her sobs subsided. "I should have fought harder. I should have been able to..." He stopped her mouth with a gentle kiss, tasting the tears that wet her lips. Their lips parted, and she whispered his name.
"Don't be sorry," he chided softly. "You have nothing to be sorry for. It wasn't you." She sighed softly, letting go of a little more of the guilt she felt. She couldn't just stop blaming herself any more than he could, but maybe if he was willing to forgive her, she could forgive herself as well.
"I thought I lost you," he said, feeling the pain that had skewered him when she walked out his door the last time.
"You'll never lose me," Buffy assured him. "I will never stop loving you. No matter what happens."
"But can you ever trust me again?" he asked, shaking his head. "I let the demon out."
"Yes," Buffy answered simply. "I trust you."
"How can you?" Angel pushed.
"Because I know you," the Slayer answered. "I was you. I felt the bloodlust. I know your passion and your pain. I know your evil and your good. The good is stronger than the evil, Angel. You are stronger than the blood, than the demon."
Angel closed his eyes, trying to force himself to accept her words for truth. *Am I strong enough?* he wondered. The truth was, he didn't know. It scared him, that not knowing; it scared him a lot. Because it was her that rested within the circle of his arms, it was her life that he risked if he was not strong enough. *I'll never hurt her again,* he promised himself. *I will be strong enough because I have to be. I can't put her in danger. I can't ever make her lose that trust.*
"I trust you because I have to," she said softly. "I always have." She reached up to touch his face, tracing his jawbone, running her finger down the side of his throat.
"Buffy, it's never going to be normal," Angel warned.
"I know," she replied.
"And it's never going to be easy."
"Why would I want to have easy, when I could have you?" Buffy asked with a smile.
"Am I enough?" Angel asked. "Is love really enough?"
"It has to be," Buffy answered.
"It will be," Angel vowed. "I'll make you happy. I promise."
"Just stay with me today," Buffy said, rising onto her tiptoes to give Angel a kiss. "And tonight." She kissed him again, smiling a little. "And the next day." He tightened his arms around her slightly, smiling back as their lips met once more.
"And the next," he promised. *'Till death do us part.*
The End!
* * * * * *
Okay...at this point I'm thinking this is the last part of The Sighing Game series. I'm not going to say that I'll NEVER write another big installment...and I am leaving the possibility for a few happy vignettes open...but right now I feel like the story has been told. Thank you so much for coming along with me for the ride. You have all been wonderful.