Joyce: "It's an outfit. An outfit that you may never buy."
Buffy: "But...I looked good in it."
Joyce: "You looked like a streetwalker."
Buffy: "But a thin streetwalker."
Joyce: "..."
Buffy: "That's probably not gonna' be the winning argument, is it?"

Joyce: "You're just too young to wear that."
Buffy: "Yeah, and I'm gonna' be too young to wear it 'til I'm too old to wear it."
Joyce: "That's the idea."

Buffy: "Everyday Woman?"
Joyce: "Mm-hmm. There's the receipt."
Buffy: "Why didn't you just go to Muumuus 'R' Us?"
Joyce: "Do now, make fun of your mother later."

Lyle: "Well ain't you just got the prettiest little neck I ever did see."
Buffy: "Boy, you guys really never come up with any new lines, do you?"

Buffy: "But you promised you'd never cheat on me again, honey."

Lyle: "This ain't over."
Buffy: "Oh sure. They say they'll call."

Buffy: "Oh bliss. Mall food."

Joyce: "Let me guess. You were distracted by a boy."
Buffy: "Technically."

Joyce: "Honestly, don't you ever think about anything besides boys and
clothes?"
Buffy: "Saving the world from vampires?"

Xander: "You know, this would work a lot better for me if you didn't talk."
Cordelia: "Well, it would work a lot better for me with the lights off."

Mr. Whitmore: "Now how many of us have lost countless productive hours
plagued by, uh, unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings?"
Xander: "Yes. Mm-hmm."
Mr. Whitmore: "Uh, that was a rhetorical question, Mr. Harris, not a poll."

Mr. Whitmore: "With all sorts of hormones surging through your bodies,
compelling you to action, it's often difficult to remember that are negative
consequences to having sex. Would anyone care to offer one such
consequence?"
Cordelia: "Well, that depends. Are you talking about sex in the car or out of the
car, because I have a friend -- not me -- that was in a Miata and parked at the top
of a hill, and she kicked the gear shift, and..."

Xander: "You wanna' talk negative consequence, what about the heartbreak of
halitosis? I mean, a girl may seem spiffy, but if she ignores her flossing, the
bloom is definitely off the rose."

Cordelia: "Like that compares to kissing a guy who thinks the Hoover
technique is a big turn-on."

Xander: "What about having the feign interest in her vapid little chit-chat just so
you could get some touch?"

Xander: "Hey! Ha ha ha, I know we just met, but isn't that Xander Jr. you're
holding?"

Buffy: "Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy?"
Xander: "I think the word you're searching for is 'absent'."
Willow: "Tardy people show."

Buffy: "As far as punishments go, this is fairly abstract."
Willow: "No, it's your baby!"
Buffy: "'Kay, I get it even less."

Xander: "You gotta' keep it safe and teach it Christian values."
Willow: "My egg is Jewish."
Xander: "Okay, teach it that Dreidel song."

Buffy: "I can't take care of things! I killed my Giga Pet. Literally. I sat on it and it
broke."

Xander: "You know, the only thing that stresses me is when do we tell them
they're adopted?"

Buffy: "I'm a single mother?"
Xander: "No man of her own."
Buffy: "Do you know what this says about me? That I'm doomed to lead my
mother's life. How deeply scary is that?"

Giles: "They made their reputation by massacreing an entire Mexican village in
1886."
Buffy: "Friendly little demons."
Giles: "It was before they became vampires."

Xander: "'Nuff said. I propose Buffy slays 'em. All in favor?"
Willow: "Aye!"

Buffy: "You know, this isn't hunting in the classical sense."

Tector: "Well, how come she ain't slaying? And how come he's about to make
me blush?"

Tector: "I'm tired of rat. How come we can't stay in a nice place. A motel or
something? Maybe, um, maybe one with an ice machine?"

Tector: "I just don't like it here. Ain't a decent whore in the whole city limits."

Lyle: "Alright, I'm gonna' beat you like a redheaded stepchild. Throw your ass
out in that sunlight. Come on!"

Joyce: "Are you sure your egg is secure in that?"
Buffy: "Did I ask for back seat mommying?"

Buffy: "I didn't sleep well."
Joyce: "What's the matter? Your egg keep you up all night?"
Buffy: "You're killing me. Parenting's a pain."
Joyce: "Wait 'til it starts dating."

Willow: "Teen Health got canceled."
Xander: "Mr. Whitmore's out. Couldn't find an eggsitter or something."

Giles: "How did the, um, hunt go last night, Buffy?"
Buffy: "No go."
Giles: "Uh, no-no you didn't go, or-or-or you were unsuccessful?"

Xander: "Apparently, Buffy has decided the problem with the English language
is all those pesky words. You. Angel. Big. Smoochies?"
Buffy: "Shut. Up."

Willow: "It didn't break! How come it didn't break?"
Xander: "Which is another secret to conscientious egg care: pot of scalding
water and about eight minutes."
Willow: "You boiled your young?"
Xander: "Yeah, I know it sounds cruel, but sometimes you gotta' be cruel to be
kind. I mean, you can bet that little Xander here is thick-skinned now."

Giles: "Technically, that would be cheating, yes?"
Xander: "No. It's like a shortcut. You know, when you run a race?"
Buffy: "That would also be cheating."

Giles: "I suppose there is a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to your
transgression."
Xander: "I resent that!"
Giles: "..."
Xander: "Or possibly thank you."

Cordelia: "Well, his body could fall out of a closet...somewhere, so we should
check some closets to see if he's in...a closet."
Xander: "You're right. There could be a closet. Let's go."

Willow: "Are they getting weirder? You notice the weirdness of them?"
Buffy: "They're weird."

Willow: "Angel's helping you, right?"
Buffy: "He does what he can."

Buffy: "As much as I hate to say this, we should really go kill bad guys."

Angel: "I'll hunt."
Buffy: "Really? You'd do that?"
Angel: "Not like I have an early day tomorrow."

Buffy: "I figured there were all sorts of things vampires can't do. You know,
like...work for the telephone company, or volunteer for the Red Cross, or...have
little vampires."

Buffy: "I had a bad dream?"
Joyce: "Oh no, you're about to have a bad dream. A dream that you are
grounded for the rest of your natural life."

Cordelia: "Hey! I'll have you know that my father brought this bear back from
Gstaad years ago. Then all of a sudden, these trendoids everywhere started
sporting it, so I'm totally not wearing it. Then I thought, 'Hey! I'm the one who
started this nationwide craze. What am I ashamed of?'"
Buffy: "Okay, Soliloquy Girl. I just wanted to ask you about your egg."

Cordelia: "It's an egg, Buffy. It doesn't emote."

Cordelia: "Shanice! Is that your real hair?"

Xander: "Mmm. Cardboardy! Sorry, Junior, but a man's gotta' eat."

Buffy: "You know, I always say that a day without an autopsy is like a day
without sunshine."

Xander: "Can I just say, 'Gyughhh!!!'?"
Buffy: "I see your 'Gyughhh' and raise you a 'Nyaghhh!!!'"

Cordelia: "What is it?"
Xander: "We don't know what it is, Cordelia. That's why we're here. Capisce?"
Cordelia: "'Capisce'? What are you, world traveler now?"

Xander: "So, okay. Get started, Buffy. Dissect it or something."
Buffy: "Me? Why do I have to dissect it?"
Xander: "Uh, because you're the Slayer?"
Buffy: "And I slayed. My work here is done."
Xander: "Oh, no, I almost ate one of these things. I think I fulfilled my gross-out
quota for the decade."

Xander: "Do we even know what to look for? I mean, how are we supposed to
figure out what this thing is?"
Buffy: "Turn it over. Maybe we missed its ID bracelet."

Willow: "It's possible that Mr. Whitmore wasn't harmed. Maybe the offspring
simply used him to return to the Mother Bezoar."
Xander: "Yeah, maybe he...what?"

Giles: "I'm sure she didn't mean to, uh..."
Joyce: "She never means to, but somehow, she always manages to anyway."

Joyce: "They can be such a...oh, I-I don't wanna' say 'burden', but uh...uh,
actually I kind of do want to say 'burden'."

Joyce: "Bristow's Demon Index? Hell's Offspring?"
Giles: "A...hobby of mine, uh, but, uh, having nothing to do with Buffy in any
way."

Xander: "Last time Cordy dragged me in here, it was a lot nicer."
Buffy: "What?"
Xander: "Uh, uh...nothing. Uh, crazy talk. Head trauma."

Buffy: "I'm gonna' have a big bump."
Xander: "Uh, I'm gonna' have a peninsula...here."

Xander: "Giles! He must be out somewhere."
Buffy: "Well, he picked a hell of a time to get a life."

Xander: "Willow said something. Uh, a name. What was it?"
Buffy: "A Bozo! Not a Bozo."
Xander: "A Bezoar!"
Buffy: "That's it. Okay, so now...we look it up?"
Xander: "In what?"
Buffy: "A book?"

Xander: "'Neural clamping'. That sounds skippable."

Xander: "Do we really wanna' go in there?"
Buffy: "We really don't."

Tector: "She's so cute, and little. Think we can keep her?"

Buffy: "Guys, this really isn't a good time."
Lyle: "Oh, it's gonna' be."

Xander: "Cordelia! I don't wanna' hurt you...some of the time."

Xander: "That's my bump!"

Willow: "Did I really hit you?"
Xander: "You knocked me out."
Cordelia: "Did I hit you?"
Xander: "Yes, everyone hit me."
Cordelia: "Good. Well, I don't mean 'good' because I hate you, but...I didn't want
to be left out."

Joyce: "Young lady, you have to learn some responsibility, okay? Once and for
all."
Buffy: "I'm grounded?"
Joyce: "You're already grounded."
Buffy: "Oh yeah."