Xander: "Who was the real power? The Captain, or Tennille?"
Buffy: "Um, who are these people?"
Xander: "The Captain and Tennille? Boy, somebody was raised in a
culture-free environment."

Buffy: "I was just--"
Willow: "Thinkin'?"
Buffy: "No. Not thinking. Having a lot of happy non-thoughts."

Xander: "Yeah, with Spike and Drusilla out of the way, we've really been riding
the mellow...and I am really jinxing the hell out of us by saying that."

Xander: "How is Angel? Pretend I care?"
Buffy: "Getting better."
Willow: "And you're loving playing nursemaid?"
Buffy: "Oh yeah!"
Xander: "So, is it better than playing naughty stewardess?"

Willow: "Yeah, but who can afford the upgrades?"
Ted: "You can! I get the demos for free. I don't see why I shouldn't give 'em to
you for the same price, any friend of Buffy's."
Willow: "[sound]"
Ted: "What?"
Xander: "Oh, that's a sound she makes when she's speechless with geeker
joy."

Giles: "It's--it's--it's...staking time, really. Don't you think?"

Buffy: "Any others?"
Giles: "Well, for their sakes, I certainly hope not."
Buffy: "What? Kill vampires. It's my job."
Giles: "Well, true, true, although you don't usually beat them into quite such a
bloody pulp beforehand."

Buffy: "Vampires are creeps."
Giles: "Yes, that's why we slay them."
Buffy: "I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires
come, and they run around and they kill people and they take over your whole
house, they start making these stupid little mini-pizzas and everyone's like,
"Oh, look, a mini-pizza!" but I'm telling you, I am--"
Giles: "Uh, uh, Buffy. I believe the subtext here is rapidly becoming, uh...text."

Buffy: "Think there'll be any more? I can wait."

Buffy: "If you say one more word, things will become dire."

Xander: "Ted is the master chef."
Buffy: "Fine, so he's a good cook. What does that really tell you about a
person?"
Xander: "Everything."

Buffy: "I mean, so far, all I see is someone who apparently has a good job,
seems nice and polite, and my mother really likes him."
Xander: "What kind of a monster is he?"
Buffy: "I'm just saying there's something a little too clean about this clown."
Willow: "It's a clean clown! I have...my...own fun."

Xander: "Having issues much?"
Buffy: "I am not!"
Xander: "You're having parental issues. You're having parental issues."
Willow: "Xander."
Xander: "What? Freud would have said the exact same thing...except he might
not have done that little dance."

Buffy: "Seeing my mother frenching a guy is definitely a ticket to Therapy
Land."

Ted: "Buffy, do you like miniature golf?"
Xander: "Who doesn't?!?!"

Buffy: "You know what? We-we would love to, honestly, but, um, unfortunately
we have that thing on Saturday."
Willow: "Oh, that thing. That thing."
Xander: "Hey, we can do that thing any time. I'm tired of doing that thing. We're
on."

Ms. Calendar: "Pretty flimsy excuse for coming by to see me."
Giles: "You should have heard the ones I threw out."

Ms. Calendar: "I stayed out of mortal danger for three whole weeks. I could get
used to it."

Buffy: "So Mom's like, "Do you think Ted will like this?" and "This is Ted's
favorite show," and "Ted's teaching me computers," and "Ted said the funniest
thing," and I'm like, "That's really great, Mom," and then she said I was being
sarcastic, which I was, but I'm sorry if I don't talk about Ted all the time."
Angel: "So you're gonna' talk about something else at some point?"

Angel: "Kiss me."
Buffy: "Finally, something I wanna' do."

Xander: "Ah, the dreaded five par cuckoo clock. Ha! So many have come, so
few have conquered."

Joyce: "You know how rare it is to find a man that cooks?"
Ted: "I know I've been looking a long time for one."

Ted: "So Buffy, I bet the boys are lined up around the block trying to get a date
with you."
Buffy: "Not really."
Willow: "Oh, they are! But she's only interested in...uh, her studies!
Book-Cracker Buffy. It's...kind of her nick name!"

Buffy: "Find out his secrets. Hack into his life."
Xander: "Can you say 'overreaction'?"
Buffy: "Can you say 'sucking chest wound'?"

Xander: "So he's a little uptight. Last I heard, that's not a slaying offense."

Xander: "Hey, Cordy! Nice outfit!"
Cordelia: "Oh, very funny."
Xander: "Not really."
Cordelia: "What are you saying?"
Xander: "Nice outfit?"
Cordelia: "Well, why don't you just keep your mouth shut?"

Xander: "Look, I'm not gonna' tell, they're not gonna' know. Not your friends,
not my friends. You wanna' go to the utility closet and make out?"
Cordelia: "God, is that all you ever think about?" "Okay."

Buffy: "And Mom's been totally different since he's around."
Willow: "Different, like happy?"
Buffy: "Like Stepford."

Neal: "You're new, aren't ya'?"
Buffy: "Oh..."
Neal: "I'm Neal."
Buffy: "I'm Bu--linda. Belinda. I'm just temping for the day."

Neal: "Nobody beats the machine. The guy's a genius. Knows everything about
computers. Never loses a client. If I sound bitter, I am."

Neal: "Uh-oh, the über-boss. Back to the salt mines."

Buffy: "Vampires. Here, vampires."

Ted: "So, from now on, you'll do what I say when I say, or I show this to your
mother, then you'll spend your best dating years behind the wall of a mental
institution."

Xander: "What was he? A demon, a giant bug, some kind of dark god with the
secrets of Nouvelle cuisine. I mean, we are talking creature feature here, right?"

Xander: "Look, Buffy, I don't know what happened exactly, but I do know you,
and I know you would never hurt anyone intentionally. Well, you know,
unless--"
Buffy: "Unless...they were dating my mother?"

Xander: "Man, this is killing me! That bastard was up to something, I know it. If I
could just get my hands on him...earlier this week."
Cordelia: "I thought you liked him."
Xander: "I sometimes like things that are not good for me."

Xander: "He's gotta' be in there, Will. Uh, history of domestic violence, a
criminal record--ooh, cookies!"

Cordelia: "I don't get it. Buffy's the Slayer, shouldn't she have--"
Xander: "What, a license to kill?"
Cordelia: "Well, not for fun, but she's like this Superman. Shouldn't there be
different rules for her?"
Willow: "Sure, in a fascist society."
Cordelia: "Right! Why can't we have one of those?"

Giles: "She's taken a human life. The guilt, it's-it's-it's pretty hard to bear. It
won't go away soon."
Cordelia: "I guess you should know since you helped raise that demon that
killed that guy that time."
Giles: "Yes, do let's bring that up as often as possible."

Xander: "Don't sweat it. It'll be fine."
Willow: "Don't sweat it?"
Xander: "Yeah, cute bunny! We'll work it out, no worries!"
Cordelia: "What happened to 'This is killing me'?"
Xander: "Worrying isn't gonna' solve any problems."

Willow: "Well, apparently, the secret ingredient is not love."

Xander: "Buffy's cleared! Willow, you are the best human ever, I adore you!
Well, that's the cookies talking, but you rock."

Giles:
Jenny: "Hey, I get that reaction from men all the time."

Jenny: "I mean, I know how badly you must feel about putting me in danger
before and..."
Giles: "Imagine how I must feel now."

Buffy: "Well, it's official. This day can't get any worse."
Ted: "Beg to differ."

Buffy: "You died."
Ted: "That's right, little lady, you killed me. Do we have something to say about
that? Are we sorry?"

Buffy: "What are you?"
Ted: "I'm a salesman! That's what you should have remembered. No matter
how you put him down...a good salesman always bounces back."

Cordelia: "I'll take the back."
Xander: "Check for cookies."
Willow: "..."
Xander: "For evidence."

Willow: "So far, I've counted four marriage certificates."
Xander: "Any divorce papers?"
Willow: "Not a one."
Xander: "So either our boy was a Mormon, or--"
Willow: "Whoa, whoa, 1957! Ted must have married young, like pre-school
young."

Cordelia: "Feels like home...if it's the fifties and you're a psycho."

Giles: "I don't think it went in too deep. The advantages of layers of tweed.
Better than kevlar."

Joyce: "Do you wanna' rent a movie tonight?"
Buffy: "Sounds like fun."
Joyce: "Just nothing with horror in it. Or romance. Or men."
Buffy: "I guess we're Thelma and Louise-ing it again."
Joyce: "Mm-hmm. Good call."

Buffy: "He's not coming back."
Joyce: "I wish we could be so sure."
Buffy: "Trust me, he's on the scrap heap."
Joyce: "..."
Buffy: "Of life."

Xander: "So, I'm Ted, the sickly loser. I'm dying, and my wife dumps me. I build
a better Ted. He brings her back, holds her hostage in his bunker o' love until
she dies, and then, he keeps he bringing her back, over and over. Now-now
that's creepy on a level I hardly knew existed."

Buffy: "Willow, tell me you didn't keep any parts."
Willow: "Not any...big ones."
Buffy: "Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good."
Willow: "Uh, I just wanna' learn stuff!"
Cordelia: "Like, how to build your own serial killer."
Xander: "It's so hard to rent one nowadays."
Cordelia: "Can we just drop this subject?"
Buffy: "Absolutely. I plan to forget the whole thing and pick up right where we
left off." "Okay, that's it, I give up! Do I have to
sound an air horn every time I walk into a room. I mean, what is it with
grown-ups these days?"