"`Angel"' episode #72
Originally Aired on November 10th 2002

Written and Directed by Joss Whedon

Co-Producers: Skip Schoolnik, Steven S. DeKnight---Consulting
Producers: David Fury, David Greewalt, Tim Minear---Co-Executive
Producer: Jeffrey Bell---Executive Producers: Joss Whedon, Sandy
Gallin, Gail Berman, Fran Rubel Kuzui, Kaz Kuzui---Produced by Kelly
A. Manners

Disclaimer: "`Angel"' is (c) 2000 by the Twentieth Century Fox Film
Corporation. "`Angel"' is produced by Mutant Enemy, Inc., Greenwolf
Corp, Kazui Enterprises, and Sandollar Television for Twentieth
Century Fox Television.

Wesley: "`Previously on Angel:"'

Cordy: "`Who am I?"'

Fred: "`I think you might have some kind of amnesia."'

Cordy throws herself into Connor's arms.

Lorne: "`Cordelia shaking up with your hellspawn---no offense."'

Connor: "`You're going back to him, aren't you?"'

Fred: "`It was Professor Seidel. He's the son of a bitch that sent me to Pylea."'

Gunn: "`He's gonna pay."'

Fred: "`He's gonna die."'

Wes: "`You can still back out if you think Gunn's right."'

Fred: "`Charles doesn't have it in him. That's one of the things I love about him."'

Gunn: "`Fred! No!---You kill him, I'm gonna lose you!"'

Gunn breaks Seidel's neck and drops him into the portal Fred opened earlier.

Angel: "`What happened to the professor?"'

Gunn: "`It's taken care of."'

Cordy: "`Were we in love?"'

Lorne is up on stage singing.

Lorne: "`Memories light the corner of my mind, misty water-colored memories of the way we were... (speaking) Ah, youth. Is there anything more magical? A time of first laves, great discoveries... Let's face it. Youth is it. It's a national obsession, crazy cats. But somewhere, people all forget what a mess youth is. It's a time of magic alright and there is nothing more unreliable or annoying than magic. Let me tell you a little story. It starts with a kid..."'

Connor is striding down a street in LA at night. He doesn't slow or react when he bumps into people that aren't fast enough to get out of his way. We get a rapid succession of flashbacks to scenes of him and Cordy lying beside each other in bed, fighting that vamp, Cordy jumping into his arms and kissing him. The picture freezes midframe.

Lorne: "`No, actually, it really starts here:"'

Cordy sits beside Angel on the dry fountain in the Hyperion's garden court.

Cordy: "`Were we in love?"'

Angel: "`Mmm."'

Cordy: "`Were we?"'

Angel: "`What?"'

Cordy: "`In love?"'

Angel: "`With each other?"'

Cordy: "`Mister, if you start giving me the run around..."'

Angel stands up: "`I'm not. I'm not."'

Cordy: "`Then tell me the truth!"'

Angel: "`I don't know."'

Cordy: "`You don't know?"'

Angel: "`Well, I'm not sure."'

Cordy: "`Now, I kind of think that's the sort of thing I'd remember. Hey! Maybe you wrote it down somewhere. A note on the fridge maybe?"'

Angel: "`I had feelings for you. (Cordy crosses her arms and sits back) I thought that maybe you...---But you never told me. You asked me to meet you---to talk and---I never saw you again."'

Cordy: "`And you think I wanted to meet you to tell you that I was in love with you."'

Angel: "`I really don't think that you're ready to be dealing..."'

Cordy stands up, hands on her hips: "`Or maybe I was ready to tell you to back off, buddy. Maybe you were coming on too strong, harassing me in the workplace. Maybe I had a red hot restraining order in my mitts. You ever think of that?"'

Angel: "`I was never---in the workplace---I---well, there was that one time with the ballet, and-and the stripping, and-and the roundness, but that was a spell! And-and we were meeting in Malibu on the bluffs at night. That's a pretty romantic restraining order."'

Cordy: "`Don't yell at me! You're yelling at me."'

Angel: "`I'm not. See, this is why I---I don't wanna answer questions I don't have the answers for.---All I know is that you were my dearest friend. And I---I hope that---It's just---I want that back.---That much at least."'

Cordy: "`You have \B{no} idea how much this is killing me. (Cordy sits back down on the fountain) I know my ABC's, I know my history. I know who's president, and that I sort of wish I didn't. I know the name of every shoe store in the Beverly Center, but (sighs)---I don't even recognize the sound of my own name."'

Angel: "`We'll get you back. No matter what. (Sits down beside her) I promise you we will get you back."'

Lorne: "`Who is \B{we} paleface? I'm the one doing all the legwork. Well, it's really more lap work, because guess what just fell into it?"'

Angel: "`What?"'

Lorne holds up a bottle.

Lorne: "`A memory spell that is guaranteed to bring our Cordy back to the way she was."'

Angel: "`Guaranteed."'

Lorne: "`No pain, no side effects. I'm telling you, swingers, there is no way this can fail."'

The Lorne on the stage turns look into the camera: "`So I'm an idiot. What are you? Perfect?"'

Intro

Lorne on stage: "`Well, the fact is I had every reason to believe the spell would work. And it did---after a fashion. (Takes a drink) What happened during it---and what came after... Ooh. (Looks at his glass) I'm gonna need a bigger drink. (Shakes his head) But, no, the spell was legit, straight up. I had it off this wraith, sweet girl. Not overly tangible, but she deals in memory spells professionally."'

Lorne in the garden court: "`Now she swears up and down that with the right mix, we can stop this talking and cut straight to the Cordelia Chase, in two ticks of a---ticking thing."'

Angel: "`I don't know. Spells, I don't trust them."'

Cordy jumps up: "`I'm in."'

Angel stands up: "`Cordy, I just..."'

Cordy: "`I don't care. Pain, side effects, this thing turns me into a Mousaka, I'm happy---as long as I can remember I'm a Mousaka."'

Lorne: "`Don't even worry about it, princess, I've got all the ingredients lined up. (Lorne and Cordy turn and stride into the Hyperion) As soon as we gather the six, we'll be good to go."'

Angel, hanging back: "`The six what?"'

Wes stands in his apartment beside an open cardboard box sitting on the table, trying out the new arm sheath weapon strapped to his forearm. Stretching out his hand makes a stake protrude from the top of the sheath. He closes his hand and the stake shoots across the room, shattering a vase. Wes whips his arms to the side and a blade shoots out and unfolds into a sword-like extension of his arm. He grasps it and tires a few swings, before lifting his arm and watching the blade fold itself back away.

Wes: "`Tell Emil if it tests alright in the field..."'

The phone rings and Wes goes over to answer it handing the guy standing by the door some money(?) as he does.

Wes: "`...he'll be hearing from me again."'

Guy: "`Yeah, okay. He'll be thrilled."'

Guy leaves as Wes picks up the phone.

Wes: "`Pryce here.------Yes.------Lorne! I said yes.---I'll be there right away. If it works it's worth doing.---All right.---Is everything...---uh, is everyone there?---No! No. I was just wondering if everything was alright with Fred."'

Fred and Gunn are lying in bed, both just staring at the ceiling. There is a knock on the door and Fred goes to answer it to find Angel standing there.

Fred sighs: "`What do you want?"'

There is a circle with six spokes radiating from it drawn with what looks like white paint on the floor of the lobby. Lorne is placing things both on and between each spoke of the open wheel.

Gunn, Fred, and Angel come down the stairs.

Gunn: "`Oh, good. Symbols on the floor. That always goes well."'

Lorne: "`Check your sarcasm at the door, pouty britches, this is for Cordy."'

Gunn: "`I just don't want no portals opening around here. I had enough of that crap."'

Fred: "`Sorry, Lorne, but we really have had a whole lot of that crap."'

Lorne: "`Yeah. Well, my parade is rain proved, baby doll. My first reading since my head got drilled, and I find a spell that'll bring our little Cordy right back to us. Lo-lath cha-owrng ne bruun."'

Fred: "`Kaya-no-m'tek."'

Wes, walking in: "`Did I miss the spell? Did---English go away?"'

Fred turns to look at Wes.

Lorne: "`No, it's Pylean, crumpet. I said I may be prepared to shout a joyful chant."'

Fred, quietly: "`And I said may your words please the gods."'

Wes walks up to Fred as Gunn is about to walk out of the office but stops in the door when he sees Wes talking to Fred.

Wes: "`Are you alright?---Did you..."'

Fred: "`It's done."'

Lorne, back on stage: "`Okay. First of all she didn't say may your words please the gods so much as may you orally please the gods, which is a slight... (We hear some muted laughter from the audience) Well, inflection is very crucial in our... Ah! God bless her. It's always nice to hear the mother tongue---as long as it's not from \B{my} mother."'

Lorne looks around and taps the microphone he is holding.

Lorne: "`Is this on? (Lowers the mic) And secondly (and we're back at the hotel zooming in on Fred) I didn't know that a couple of hours ago Fred had tried to kill her evil professor by opening a portal. (Close on Wes) Gunn didn't know that Wesley had helped her. (Close on Gunn) Wesley didn't know that Gunn had killed the guy himself to save Fred from becoming a killer. (From Fred) And Fred didn't know (to Gunn) that Gunn was right then figuring (to Wes) out that Wesley had helped her try."'

Lorne on stage: "`So you can see that I didn't have all the facts when I started this. It's my job to read people, but nobody in this clan was exactly singing. And me? Hey I was thinking about Cordelia."'

We hear a radio playing softly as Cordy steps out of the bathroom in her hotel room wrapped only in a towel.

Angel: "`Hey."'

Cordy: "`Oh."'

Angel: "`Oh. Sorry."'

Cordy: "`I---wanted to clean up. Connor and I not exactly staying at the Mondrian."'

Angel: "`How is he?"'

Cordy: "`He is a teen. He is a mess.---There's a lot of pain in him. (Walks past Angel to the closet) I think it helps having me there."'

Angel: "`Good.---That's good. We're almost ready.---I'll be downstairs."'

Angel heads for the door.

Cordy: "`So, you're perfectly okay with just wandering into my room any old time. (Angel stops in the doorway to look at her) That fits the 'we were in love' theory and the harassment theory---pretty much equally."'

Angel: "`Well, hopefully that'll all be answered soon."'

Angel pulls the door shut as he leaves.

Fred is squatting on the floor by the diagram, Lorne is standing next to her. Fred points at the office and Wes turns and walks into the office to pick up the bottle Lorne got from his client.

Gunn: "`So I'm the muscle, huh?"'

Wes turns to see Gunn sitting in the dark behind the desk.

Wes: "`Sorry?"'

Gunn: "`Angel's the man on the card. It's his world. I'm not a leader no more. I don't have that champion's heart like Cordy, and the brains, why that was you. So that leaves muscle."'

Wes: "`What about Fred?"'

Gunn: "`Well, that's the question, isn't it?---She's pretty brainy, too. Maybe you two are---kindred souls. Maybe that's why she went to you for help getting revenge on that professor.---Killin' takes brains."'

Wes picks up the bottle: "`I did what you weren't prepared to do."'

Gunn gets up out of the chair and steps closer to Wes.

Gunn: "`You have no idea what I---(Stops) What I would do for her."'

Wes: "`Is there some reason I should need to know?"'

Gunn: "`You think I don't smell this a mile off? You think I don't know why you keep coming back here?"'

Wes quietly: "`Because you keep needing my help."'

Wes tries to walk Gunn, but Gunn moves to block his path.

Gunn: "`I'm gonna say this once. You move on Fred and I will put you down hard."'

Wes: "`I'm glad to see you have such faith in your relationship."'

Gunn: "`Keep pushing, English!"'

Wes: "`Do you think you could get out of my way?"'

Wes tries to push past Gunn, but Gunn grabs his arm.

Gunn: "`You know, once..."'

Gunn freezes as Wes balls his fist, making a blade protrude from his wrist sheath, almost cutting Gunn's throat.

Wes: "`Not all of us have muscle to fall back on."'

Wes retracts the blade and Gunn lets go of his arm. Wes starts to move past Gunn.

Gunn: "`What happened to you, man?"'

Wes stops and looks back at Gunn.

Wes: "`I had my throat cut and all my friends abandoned me."'

After a beat Wes turns and walks out of the office.

The group is sitting on the floor of the lobby holding hands around Lorne's diagram.

Lorne: "`Okay. Keep your eyes on the bottle.---We come in supplication and hope. Bring her back."'

The bottle in the center circle begins to vibrate. Little wisps of white fog rise from it as the bottle starts to tip and spin in a circle. Suddenly six wisps of fog shoot out, one for each of the group. As the wisps connect, people sway backwards. Lorne lets go of Angel and Wesley's hands.

Cordy: "`What's going on?"'

Lorne: "`Oh. I feel a little..."'

He turns and crawls away from the circle on all fours.

We hear sitar music and every once in a while the whole picture phases as the others slowly raise their hands to their heads. Angel looks around himself, eyes wide. Lorne pulls himself to his feet holding onto the lobby counter, only to pass out behind it.

Fred leaves the circle struggling to make it from all fours up to her feet.

Gunn: "`What's happening to us?"'

Angel has made his way out into the garden court and looks up at the night sky.

Fred is running her hands over the leaf of one of the palm trees in the planters in the lobby.

Fred: "`This is important. It's so beautiful."'

Fred vomits into the planter.

Wes, the only one still sitting on the floor looks around, while behind him, Gunn dances around in something remotely reminiscent of a martial arts Kata.

Wes: "`We'll just wait to see if there are any side effects."'

Wes starts to laugh.

Cordy, staring around her: "`What's happening? (She stumbles forward) We can't just... We have to... No!"'

Cordy stomps down onto the bottle in the middle of the diagram and breaks it. There is a quick flash of light, and a wind whips through the lobby for a moment, then the sitar music stops.

Cordy steps back from the diagram and looks around.

Cordy: "`Okay. What the hell is going on here?"'

Wes: "`What's your name?"'

Cordy: "`I'm Cordelia Chase, dumb-ass. And if this is some sort of sophomore hazing prank where I get doped up and left with a bunch of proto-losers, then my parents are going to be suing the entire population of Sunnydale. Comprende?!"'

Gunn: "`What the hell are you talking about?"'

Cordy: "`It's called kidnapping a minor, hair-club-for-men. And if you think for a second that I'll be putting up with this, well then you don't know Cor-de..."'

Cordy turns her head to see Angel haltingly make his way back in through the doors to the garden court.

Cordy: "`Cordelia. Hello salty goodness."'

Break.

Wes: "`Alright. Hang on. You're Cordelia Chase. You're a high school student. You live in Sunnydale?"'

Cordy turns to look at Wes: "`Right."'

Wes to Gunn: "`So, who are you?"'

Gunn: "`I'm the guy who's gonna kick a whole mess of ass if somebody don't tell me what's going on."'

Cordy: "`What do they call you for short?"'

Wes: "`Does anyone here recognize anyone?"'

Angel crouches down on the landing, while Fred come forward.

Fred: "`Uhm, I'm Fred Burkle. I'm also in School, in San Anton."'

Cordy turns to her: "`Oh, we're both in school? (Fred nods and smiles) Oh. Gosh! Let's be best friends then, so I can lose all my cool ones!"'

Wes: "`There is no call to be snippity, Miss."'

Cordy: "`This is a clarion call for snippity, Princess Charles."'

Wes: "`It's Wesley, thank you. (Takes a hold of his lapels and sticks his chest out) Wyndham-Price. I am from the Watchers Academy in Southern Hampshire. In fact, I happen to be head boy."'

Cordy: "`Gee, I wonder how you earned that nick name."'

Wes: "`A lot of effort, I don't mind saying."'

Gunn folds his arms across his chest: "`Gunn."'

Wes ducks and looks around: "`Where?"'

Gunn: "`Me! That's my name. The short version."'

Wes: "`Ah! What school do you attend?"'

Gunn just stares at him, while Cordy turns away from them with a little huff, and walks over to Angel, still hunkered down on the landing in front of the garden court doors, hugging himself.

Cordy: "`So, we've heard from the socially handi-capable. What's your story?"'

Angel straightens up: "`Mad. You're all mad. These clothes---your speech---this place... What land is this?"'

Gunn: "`What land is it supposed to be?"'

Wes: "`Where do you hail from, friend?"'

Angel: "`I'm not your friend, you English pig. We never wanted you in Ireland. We don't want you now."'

Gunn: "`You Irish?"'

Cordy: "`You don't sound Irish."'

Angel: "`I most certainly sound exactly... (Raises a hand and touches his throat) There's something wrong with my voice."'

Wes: "`Well, what's your name?"'

Angel: "`Liam."'

Cordy: "`Great. We all got names. Bye now."'

Cordy turns and heads for the main doors, while Liam is still fingering his throat and trying out different words. Wes intercepts Cordy.

Wes: "`I wouldn't be so quick to leave, Miss Chase. (Looks at the remains of the spell spread on the floor) Clearly we're all the victims of some nefarious scheme."'

Liam, sitting down on the stairs: "`Liaaaam..."'

Wes: "`I lay odds that door is bolted shut. And who knows what peril lies outside?"'

Liam quietly: "`English pig. English pig?"'

Wes: "`Before we do anything, I suggest we gather as much information as we can."'

Cordy: "`And I suggest we gather some cops."'

Gunn: "`Yo! I don't want no heat near me!"'

Fred: "`I don't think we should call the police anyhow. I mean, they're probably involved."'

Gunn: "`In what?"'

Fred: "`Don't y'all think this is some kind of government conspiracy? My friend Levon says the government is always taking kids and experimenting on them.---Did anybody else have to take a personality disorder test recently? They ask you about politics and your bowel movements and if you want to be a Florist..."'

Cordy: "`Okay, we've heard from Scarlet-oh-please-shut-me-up. Does anyone \B{sane} have a theory?"'

Fred quietly as she turns away: "`There's conspiracies and stuff, you don't know."'

Gunn: "`I've got no problem with the idea that the man is messing with us."'

Wes: "`The important thing is to start with the facts. (Folds his arms across his chest) We're all from different cities, we're all of an age... (Trails off as he rubs one hand over his chin) Judging from the amount of facial hair I've grown we've all been unconscious for at least a month."'

Cordy: "`Oh god! Oh god! My hair! My hair! (Fingers her short hair and starts to sob) The government gave me bad hair!"'

Fred: "`No, no it's nice!"'

Wes: "`Yes, it's, ah, just the thing!"'

Cordy: "`Are you sure."'

Wes: "`It's, ah, very, ah, attractive. But a clue nonetheless! Perhaps the whole point of this experiment is hair!"'

Gunn: "`I vote he's not in charge."'

Liam iw hunkered down on the stairs leading upstairs.

Liam quietly: "`It's the devil. (louder) It's the devil."'

Cordy: "`My hair?"'

Liam: "`My father said that I was a sinner. That I'd come to a bad end. Now I've come to hell."'

Gunn turning away: "`Well, hell's a lot nicer than my place."'

Cordy keeps crying over her hair.

Wes: "`It appears to be some sort of hotel."'

Fred giggling: "`Well, maybe it's Motel Hell!"'

Gunn and Wes look at her then Wes turns to Gunn.

Wes: "`Well, lets get the lay of the place."'

Gunn: "`Don't be given me orders. I run my own crew."'

Wes: "`I'm sure your seafaring adventures are very interesting. But I have experience in things---you couldn't imagine. I'm not head boy for nothing."'

Gunn gets into Wes' face: "`You're about to be headless boy if you don't get out of my face."'

Wes leans back: "`Intimidation. Points for effort. Perhaps a little Karate technique will put you in your place."'

Wes starts to whip his hands around making strange noises while the others just stand there and watch. As he flips his hands down while extending his arms towards Gunn a stake pops out of the sheath strapped under his jacket, and Wes recoils from it with a little shout.

Cordy: "`What the hell is that?"'

Wes staring at it: "`Ah, a clue!"'

Gunn: "`That a---wooden stake you got?"'

Wes: "`Apparently, yes.---This changes the scenario quite a bit."'

Fred imitates Wes earlier routine and looks at her hand.

Fred: "`I didn't get one."'

Gunn checks his sleeve, as does Cordy.

Gunn: "`Nobody got one except for English here. Why is that?"'

Wes: "`I don't know. But I suggest we look about for weapons of some kind."'

Gunn: "`Yeah. That part works."'

They start to look around. Wes carefully pushes the stake back up his sleeve. Fred lets out a scream as she walks around the counter. Wes jerks back and the knife blade whips out of his sleeve. Wes screams. Fred turns and screams again as he bumps into Gunn, who's come over to see what she found. Wes jerks and screams again. The blade almost cuts his face, then folds up and disappears back up his sleeve. Wes freezes with his arms and hands stretched in front of him.

Wes: "`Alright! Nobody scream!---Or touch my arms."'

Fred: "`Well---I think I found another clue."'

Gunn: "`She's not wrong."'

Cordy: "`Okay, this is even less funny."'

Wes slowly bends down and very carefully pulls up his pant legs and looks at his ankles.

Cordy: "`What the hell is that?"'

Wes, still holding his pant legs, waddles around the counter to find Lorne there lying unconscious.

Liam from the stairs: "`I knew it. It's the devil."'

Fred: "`Why's the devil sleepy?"'

In a dark alley a blonde watches Connor beat up on two vampires.

Vamp: "`This is none of your business, kid."'

Connor: "`No. (Pummels vamp) This is my bad mood."'

Connor kicks both vamps in the face. The one picks himself up and runs away, but the other attacks Connor again.

Connor: "`This (Pulls out a stake and dusts him) is my business."'

The blonde looks from the dust cloud to where the other vamp disappeared down the alley.

Connor: "`Are you hurt?"'

Blonde: "`They were gonna kill me. Bastards!"'

Connor: "`Well, you're safe now."'

Connor turns away but the blonde runs after him.

Blonde: "`Whoa, whoa! Hey! Baby! (Connor turns back) You saved my life. (Runs a finger across Connor's chest) Don't you want your reward? I can give you a nice (leans in close and lowers her voice) reward."'

Connor: "`Uh... Yeah. Okay."'

Blonde: "`You got fifty bucks?"'

Connor: "`What for?"'

Blonde turns away with a sigh: "`You got nothing."'

Connor takes a hold of her arm and pulls her back around to face him.

Connor: "`Wait! Hey! I saved you!"'

Blonde: "`You still don't ride free, Junior. Why don't you run home to Mama? Maybe she'll give you a special treat for being such a good boy."'

She twist her arm out of Connor's hold and walks away.

Lorne voice over: "`Classy girl. Poor Connor. Engine revving and stuck in park. (Lorne back on stage) Yeah, well, enough about him. In the mean time, guess what I'm doing for fun?"'

Lorne, still unconscious is sitting on the settee. Wes is circling around the settee, wrapping Lorne's chest and the center back rest in miles of duct tape.

Gunn: "`I say we cut his head off."'

Wes: "`He may have information we need. When he wakes up..."'

Gunn: "`When he wakes up. We don't even know if this tape is gonna hold him. I say we cut his damn head off!"'

Wes: "`Thank you very much, Marie-Antoinette."'

Gunn: "`What you call me?"'

Cordy: "`Hey! Hey! You two wanna pause the homo-erotic buddy cop session long enough to explain this? Wooden stakes, a guy with horns and neither of you seems that surprised when things just keep getting weirder."'

Liam and Fred are opening the weapons cabinet and stare at the arsenal displayed in front of them.

Fred: "`They really are. (In a low aside to Liam) Have you got any weed?"'

Liam freezes in place, only his eyes moving to try to get a look at Fred without moving his head.

Wes: "`Alright. I'm going to let you all in on something you may---have trouble comprehending, I assure you however that..."'

Gunn: "`Vampires are real."'

Wes: "`I was telling!"'

Gunn: "`There are vampires all over LA. I've been fighting them my whole life."'

Liam carefully walks over to look at Lorne: "`That creature is a vampire?"'

Gunn: "`Nah. I've never seen nothing like that."'

Wes holds up a hand with a slight smile: "`I have! Oh. It's---a demon. Probably of the Karathmama-nyung family. You see? Some of us have slightly broader experience..."'

Gunn: "`How do you kill it?"'

Wes after a slight beat: "`Well, I know this breed is---nocturnal and feeds on roots, or---possibly human effluvia and, ah..."'

Fred walks over to Lorne and touches his hair then leans down to get a better look at his slumped face.

Wes: "`It's a horned race..."'

Gunn: "`So you don't know Jack."'

Wes: "`They're nocturnal."'

Gunn: "`I'm gonna get me one of them axes."'

Wes: "`Hold on!"'

Gunn: "`Hey, no matter what it is: it looks wrong, it dies."'

Wes puts a hand on Gunn's chest to keep him from the weapons cabinet.

Wes: "`Not until we find out..."'

Gunn whips Wes around into a chokehold.

Wes: "`Oow! Quit it!"'

Wes tries to get free and steps on Gunn's feet.

Gunn: "`Get off my..."'

Wes: "`Watch the arms! Watch the arms!"'

Cordy to Liam: "`Aren't you gonna go in there and stop them?"'

Liam: "`It's about time the English got what's coming to him. I'm rooting for the slave."'

Lorne lifts his head and looks straight into the camera.

Lorne: "`I know I'm still unconscious during this part of the story, but---can you believe these mooks?"'

Cordy moves in and knees both Gunn and Wes as the wrestle each other.

Cordy: "`Ah! Enough---okay?"'

Gunn and Wes break apart.

Cordy: "`If head cheese here has a theory then let's hear it."'

Wes straightens his jacket. Gunn straightens his sweater.

Wes: "`There are stories at the Watchers academy of a test---a secret gauntlet which only the most cunning can survive. You're locked in a house with a vicious, deadly vampire and you have to kill him before he kills you.---It's been done in the past with Slayers."'

Fred: "`Slayer? The band?"'

Wes: "`No. It...---The point is, this could be a test. The weapons, the maze-like locale, the innocent civilians, and a mysterious Karathmama-nyung demon. This is a test!"'

Gunn: "`I'm no civilian. I've been killing vamps since I was twelve."'

Wes: "`Which only supports my theory. You must be here in an advisory capacity."'

Gunn: "`I think I'm here in a chop-that-green-bitch's-head-off capacity, and I don't give a damn about no test!"'

Fred: "`Are you always this grouchy?"'

Gunn: "`Only when I wake up with a bunch of insane white folks trying to tell me what to do. The day I take orders from guys like you is---the day I...---Not even gonna happen."'

Cordy: "`Keep explaining why we're \B{not} walking out that door."'

Liam: "`Because they did something to us. They changed us."'

Cordy: "`You mean this \B{is} about my hair?"'

Fred: "`I sort of see his point. Not one of y'all looks exactly seventeen. It's like time's been pushed forward, like we missed a bunch of years."'

Everyone tries to inspect as much of their own looks as they can without a mirror. Cordy pushes her hands up against her chest.

Cordy: "`Kinda have filled out even more."'

Fred folds her arms across her own chest: "`And---I apparently ain't gonna..."'

Wes tests his arm muscle and a slight smile spreads over his face.

Liam: "`I feel cold. Inside."'

Cordy: "`This is so unfair! I'm a craggy twenty something? What about Prom?!"'

Gunn pointing at Lorne: "`Could be that demon put a whammy on us."'

Fred: "`So you think if we kill this vampire they'll take off this spell whammy and we can go back to being ourselves?"'

Cordy: "`And never see each other again?"'

Wes: "`I believe that we can all just go about our business."'

Cordy: "`And never see each other again?!"'

Gunn: "`Great. So we go vamp hunting. (Walks to the weapons cabinet and picks up his ax) This place looks pretty big. I say two groups."'

Cordy picks a sword: "`Great. I'm going with tall, dark, and slightly less pathetic then you two here. (Hands Angel a sword) We'll try the rooms."'

Wes: "`We'll look downstairs, but remember if you find the vampire, he's a vicious animal. Just try to draw him towards us. Don't worry, we'll win this day. I assure you."'

Fred carrying a sharpened stake: "`I'm ready. I'm okay.---Would be cooler if we could score some weed though."'

Cordy follows Liam down one of the hallways.

Cordy: "`God there is like a million rooms."'

Liam follows the muted sound of a radio playing into Cordy's room.

Liam: "`Minstrels."'

Liam crouches down in front of the radio watching it, sword at the ready. Cordy pushes the power button. The music stops. Liam looks from the stereo to Cordy, back to the stereo. Straightens up.

Liam: "`How did you... You stopped the tiny men from singing."'

Cordy: "`You really are far from home, aren't you?"'

Liam wanders over to the bed: "`I tell ya, I get through this I'm gonna have me a great cup of ale. (Sits down) I don't care what my father says is does to you."'

Cordy sits down beside him: "`Maybe we should just sit tight and let the vampire experts deal with this thing."'

Cordy runs a hand over Liam's shoulder and back.

Liam: "`Sorry for acting so---womanish."'

Cordy: "`Oh, you're not... (feels the muscle in Liam's upper arm) Really not womanish."'

Liam: "`And you're very sweet."'

Cordy: "`You don't know the half of it.---What is it about danger that---(Cordy breathes heavily) makes---(Liam's gaze comes to rest on the side of Cordy's throat) makes your blood (Liam's face morph's to vampire then back as Liam recoils) just (Cordy turns her head and sees the look on Liam's face) What's wrong?"'

Liam: "`Nothing. Excuse me."'

Liam jumps off the bed, leaving his sword behind and walks away from Cordy. He sees the mirror through the open bathroom door and walk in to take a closer look at himself. Angel steps away from the mirror and back to Cordy.

Liam: "`I'm invisible!"'

Cordy: "`No, you're not."'

Liam after a beat: "`Oh. Excuse me."'

Hurries back into the bathroom, this time closing the door behind him. He stands in front of the mirror, waving his hands through the air. No reflection. Breathing rapidly he turns away from the mirror. Glances at the door to the room then away. His face morphs to vampire. He raises his hands to feel his face. His face morphs back to human. He lets out a little whimper as his face keeps morphing back and forth.

Cordy steps up to the closed door: "`What's going on?"'

Liam through door: "`Uh, I'm almost finished."'

Liam, in the bathroom drops his hands from his once again human face.

Liam in small voice: "`I'm a vampire. (Glances towards the door and drops his voice even further) They're gonna kill me."'

Break

Lorne walks up to the piano on the stage and picks up a smoking cigarette to take a drag while we hear muted talking coming from the room.

Lorne: "`Well, those were some exciting products. Am I right? (Lorne claps his hands together and we hear muted applause from the room) Let's all think about buying some of those. (Muted laughter) But if I can bring it down for a moment.. (Takes off his jacket) Is there anything worse than---feeling like you're all alone,---like you're the only person in the world who thinks the way you do, and if anyone else found out they'd drive a pointy wooden thing through your heart? (We see Liam come out of the bathroom and talk to Cordy, all smiles then follow her out of the room) And as for our fearless vampire killers..."'

Gunn, followed by Fred and Wes, makes his way into the Hyperion's deserted kitchen.

Fred: "`I just don't think we should be ruling out the idea of aliens. I mean, he's a greenish sort of fella, and us being asleep all that time... (Fred swings around the sharpened baseball bat she is carrying almost hitting Wes in the face) I mean, think about it a minute. They could have been doing heaven knows what! (Fred twist the handle of the bat between her hands) I can just see myself, lying on a table, no clothes, no will, while they probed and explored and did whatever they wanted to my naked helpless body."'

The stake pops out of Wes' arm sheath and he carefully pushes it back in.

Fred: "`It's horrible."'

Wes: "`Horrible. Yes. But I assure you this is demonic work. And they're not nearly so---exploratory as... (Pats her hand) Don't be afraid."'

Gunn: "`There ain't nothing here. This is getting old."'

Wes: "`Well. Let's not give up probe.---Hope. Give up hope. We not."'

Gunn walks past Wes and Fred follows.

Cordy and Liam are making their way down the stairs into the lobby. Wes leaves off inspecting Lorne's unconscious form to turn to them.

Wes: "`Any luck?"'

Liam: "`We saw no vampires of any kind anywhere."'

Wes: "`Did you check every room?"'

Cordy: "`Only the ones that wanted turn down service. (Drops down on the settee) There is five floors. My feet hurt. You finish."'

Gunn: "`It's a waste of time."'

Liam: "`I agree. There is nothing here. This place is evil. (Liam backs away from the group towards the front doors, stumbling a bit as he hits the steps) I think that I should leave now, because of evil."'

Wes hurries after him.

Wes: "`Don't be a fool!"'

Liam: "`Good luck all!"'

Liam opens the door and quickly hurries through it. The door closes in Wes face.

Gunn: "`So, we're all locked in, huh?"'

Cordy: "`Excuse me? Did I just get the brush off? Did a guy just bail on me?! There really is some sort of horrible spell."'

Fred: "`Do you think Liam's okay out there?"'

Gunn: "`If something's eating him at least he's not as bored as me."'

Wes: "`Joke all you like. Liam right now may be facing horrors he's never even imagined."'

Liam is standing at the edge of the road, breathing hard his wide eyes racing to keep up with the cars whizzing by and honking at him. Liam turns and runs back into the hotel slamming the door shut behind him and leaning up against it.

Fred: "`Liam!"'

Liam: "`Demons!"'

Wes, eyes wide to Angel: "`Really? (Turns to Gunn, face a calm mask) Told you. (Turns back to Angel, eyes going wide again) How many?"'

Liam hurries away from the door: "`Hundreds. Screaming."'

Fred: "`Will they try to get in?"'

Liam: "`I think they saw me."'

Fred: "`I guess we really better try to solve this puzzle and all."'

Wes: "`What type of demons would you say?"'

Liam: "`Shiny."'

Liam keeps looking at Wes as he drops down on the settee, his back to Cordy.

Cordy: "`Yep. I still got it."'

Gunn: "`So that means we got to check the rest of the rooms? Because I'm bored just saying it."'

Fred: "`Wouldn't a vampire be coming after us anyhow? Aren't we vittles?"'

Liam licks his lips as listens to Fred.

Wes: "`And he would be starving by rule. But I also happen to think that further searching would be pointless. I think the council has been far cleverer than I imagined."'

Fred: "`Ooh! How?"'

Gunn: "`Yes. Speech, speech!"'

Wes: "`Five people, each unknown to each other, far from home, trapped together at night. I submit that the blood-sucking fiend may be closer than we dared suspect. That it may be..."'

Liam jumps up: "`I'll search the rooms."'

Wes: "`I was getting to the good part!"'

Liam: "`But we can't just wait for the vampire to appear. I'll just flush him out and..."'

Wes, jumping up and down: "`That it may be one of us!"'

Cordy: "`Uch. You're kidding."'

Wes: "`Would that I were, Miss Chase. But the simple fact is, the fiend has been under our noses the entire time, waiting for the moment to (whips out a cross and hold up into Gunn's face) strike!"'

Gunn stares at Wes for a moment then punches him in the nose, making him drop the cross.

Liam: "`See? The English \B{is} stupid. Let's have a different theory."'

Wes, holding his nose: "`I'm not quite finished."'

Liam swallows hard. Wes straightens and holds up the cross.

Wes: "`I think it's only fair that everyone has a turn. The cross obviously doesn't affect me---or our friend the---pugilist."'

Cordy gets up and walk towards Wes.

Gunn: "`Your ass better pray I don't look that word up."'

Cordy takes the cross from Wes and flourishes it in front of her. When Wes leans in to get a closer look at her she snorts and tossed the cross to Fred, who catches it and runs it along her body as if it were a metal detector, then offers it to Liam.

Liam takes a hold of the cross, and holds it up for all to see.

Liam: "`See? No vampire here. I'm just like the rest of you."'

We hear a slight sizzling sound as Liam lowers the cross to his side, his hand beginning to shake as he continues to hold it.

Fred: "`Does anyone else here..."'

Liam points: "`Look! The devil is awake."'

As everyone turns to look at Lorne, Liam chucks the cross behind him with a small groan.

The group moves towards the taped up Lorne, who is letting out a small groan of his own.

Wes: "`Don't get too close!"'

Lorne: "`Oh. Guys. Hey. That was quite a whammy. A little trip through the transitive nightfall of diamonds if you know what I mean. And I certainly don't..."'

Liam: "`He speaks madness."'

Lorne looks down at himself: "`Hey! Here's a funny sidebar: I'm tied to a chair---again! What the hell's going on?!"'

Wes: "`We were hoping you would enlighten us, spawn of evil."'

Lorne: "`Oh dear. I'm starting to suspect my sure-fire hit spell closed out of town. Did anything go right? Anything? Did Cordy at least get her memory back?"'

Wes: "`Just tell us where the vampire is, fiend."'

Lorne: "`What are you talking about? There aren't any vampires here."'

Liam slumps in relief.

Lorne: "`Well, I mean, except for our boy here."'

Indicates Liam with his head and everyone turns to stare at Liam.

Liam edging closer towards Lorne: "`Uh,---lying---devil man."'

Lorne: "`Oh. Like my spell made you not a vampire any more! (Laughs) My magic isn't that..."'

Liam hauls back and hits Lorne: "`Shut your mouth!"'

Lorne on stage: "`Pfft! Ouch!"'

Lorne in the lobby and settee spin around with the force of Liam's blow.

Gunn jumps in front of Fred. Wes and Cordy stand staring. Liam looks from the settee down at his fist.

Liam: "`It's not...---He just..."'

Wes: "`Well, a mystery solved."'

Fred sidles away from Gunn, standing with ax at the ready, to behind Cordy and Wes, standing on the other side of Liam.

Gunn: "`Explains the lame-ass cover story about being Irish, too."'

Cordy to Wes: "`Is this a convenient time to point out that you left me alone with him, genius?"'

Wes: "`Well, I..."'

Liam: "`I-I never touched her."'

Cordy: "`So clearly---deviant!"'

Liam: "`I'm not!"'

Wes keeps waving his arm around trying to make the stake pop out---in vain.

Wes: "`Vampires are all the same, my friend. There's nothing human about them!"'

Wes' stake finally appears.

Gunn: "`That's right. You ain't a person. Just dust waiting to happen."'

Liam: "`I don't wanna hurt anyone."'

Fred to Wes: "`What do we do?"'

Wes: "`Don't fear. It's under control."'

Fred: "`Are you sure?"'

Fred leans up against Wes' chest and the stake shoot from the sheath burying itself in Angel's chest.

Wes: "`Sorry. I mean, ha!"'

While Liam is hunched around the stake, Gunn slices at his back with the ax. Liam straightens up wearing his vampface, pulling out the stake and tossing it away as he spins around and knocks Gunn backwards over the counter.

Liam turns to face the other, who recoil from the sight of his face. Cordy cowers down behind the settee, while Fred stays behind Wes.

Liam: "`You want a vampire then? Guess I'm your man! I guess I'll start---feeding on your corpses! Starting with the girls. So, who's gonna be the first course? Hard to chose between you two girls."'

Cordy jumps up: "`What do you mean it's hard?! (Liam looks at her and Cordy's eyes go wide) I mean, (points at Fred) she's the tasty one. Look at her. Half of her is neck!"'

Wes takes one deep breath and steps forward, face set and determined.

Wes: "`Miss Chase, Miss Burkle (stretches out his right hand and grasps the sword blade as it unfolds to raise it in an engarde position facing Liam) Run."'

Cordy and Fred run. Wes steps forward to attack Liam---who takes him out with a quick punch to the face.

Cordy is running down the steps into the basement and looks around for a hiding place. Liam, back in human face, slowly follows her down the steps.

Liam: "`It baffles me. You liked me so much before, and now I can't even get a little kiss?---I can see you."'

Cordy runs from where she was hiding in a dark corner. Liam jumps in her way and takes a hold of her by the upper arms.

Liam: "`I seem to be strong, too---and fast! It's not so bad this vampire thing."'

Cordy: "`Well, I got a superpower of my own, hotshot."'

Liam leans back slightly, but doesn't let go of her.

Liam: "`What's that then?"'

Cordy opens her mouth and screams straight into Liam's face. Liam recoils, raising both his hand palms out between them.

Cordy finally runs out of breath and Liam slowly relaxes a bit and peers at her over his hands.

Liam quietly: "`That really \B{is} inhuman. (Spreads his hands and continues in a regular tone of voice) But what good do you really think that..."'

Liam is interrupted by Connor launching himself at his back and ending him flying away from Cordy.

Wes comes down the stairs: "`Yes, that one! (Wes slips on the bottom step and falls to the floor) Kill that one, please!"'

Liam gets back to his feet and runs at Connor, who takes a hold on Liam's arm and spins him around, then lets him fly through a window to crash land on the floor of the hotels kitchen after bouncing off the top of a cupboard.

Connor looks through the window to see Liam raise his head from the floor.

Cordy steps up to Connor: "`Thank you. Thank you, thank you."'

Connor: "`Why did he attack you?"'

Cordy: "`Well, who wouldn't? Look, (runs one hand down Connor's arm) you're a wee bit chess club for my, ah usual beat, but you kill that freak and you're getting a big reward."'

A slight smile spreads across Connor's face: "`You mean it?"'

Cordy: "`Hoo doggy."'

Break

Connor drops through the broken window to land on the floor of the kitchen, and looks around for Liam. Liam jumps out at Connor, but Connor ducks under the swing directed at his face and kicks at Liam's chest. Liam grabs Connor's arms and spins him around and up against a table.

Liam: "`I'm a bit tired of being bullied!"'

Connor hits Liam in the face with his elbow.

Fred peeks out from behind the curtain where she's been hiding in the office, then tiptoes over to where she can see into the lobby. She sees Gunn stretched unconscious on the floor and hurries over to check on him.

Lorne: "`Uhm, sweetie?"'

Fred: "`Huh?"'

Fred peeks around the lobby counter at Lorne, awake, but still taped to the blue settee.

Lorne: "`Can I take a bit of your time? We have a huge problem, but I can solve it."'

Fred: "`Why should I trust you?"'

Lorne: "`Because we're buddies, Freddikins. (Fred just looks at him) We did a spell. It went wrong. But we can make it right. Is the bottle still there? On the floor? In the circle?"'

Fred: "`You mean those bitty bits of broken glass?"'

Lorne: "`Oh, balls. Well, we can still do it. Maybe one at a time. You just gotta untie me first."'

Fred: "`I don't know."'

Lorne: "`Ah, Fred. Look into your heart. Am I evil?"'

Fred looks at him.

Liam and Connor exchange some blows down in the kitchen, then Connor tosses Liam over the kitchen island.

Liam: "`You're stronger than the rest. Are you not a vampire yourself then?"'

Connor: "`You don't remember?"'

Liam: "`I remember waking up here in this madhouse with that fine lot of hypocrites. "'

Connor: "`Hypocrites?"'

Liam: "`I'm supposed to be evil. But they attack me without cause. They gang up on me because I'm different. They're as bad as my father."'

Connor: "`Fathers. Don't they suck?"'

Liam: "`Say one thing then... 'be good. Fear God. Do as you're told.' And all the while I know good and well he's had his share of sinning."'

Connor: "`Sounds kind of like my father."'

Liam: "`Is he a self-righteous bastard?"'

Connor: "`You'd be amazed."'

Connor launches himself across the center island, but Liam instantly does the same, keeping the island between them.

Connor: "`You're afraid to fight me?"'

Liam: "`Truth to tell, I'm not much for fighting. I'd rather be satisfying my sinful urges with the Chase girl."'

Connor: "`You keep the hell away from her."'

Liam: "`Oh! The girl is yours then."'

Connor: "`That's right."'

Liam: "`She never did mention you when we were alone together..."'

Connor picks up a bowl and throws at Liam's head. Then takes a hold of some pipes running above the island and swings both of his legs across to kick Liam full in the chest, sending him flying.

Fred closes her eyes and sticks out her tongue, scrunching up her face. Lorne is mixing something up in a small bowl held in his hand.

Fred tries to talk while still sticking out her tongue: "`Huwwy up. I'm newous."'
Lorne quietly: "`Okay, okay."'

Lorne stick his finger into the bowl and puts a little dab of it's contents on Fred's tongue.

Fred swallows it, making a face.

Fred: "`Oh lord."'

Lorne: "`Did it work?"'

Fred sees Gunn about to attack Lorne from behind.

Fred: "`Wait!"'

Connor and Liam are still going at it in the kitchen, but before long Liam gains the upper hand and throws Connor on the floor. Connor grimaces. Liam brushes off his sweater.

Connor: "`Are you happy now?"'

Liam: "`I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to be attacked. (Walks away from Connor) I didn't ask to be a freak.---Hell, I didn't even ask to be born."'

Connor rolls up on one elbow: "`Wait."'

Liam stops, lets out a sigh and turns back to look at Connor.

Liam: "`What do you want? Another beating?"'

Connor getting up: "`Oh, I so almost had you."'

Liam: "`Ha. Not in a dream!"'

Fred looks down at them from the broken window.

Fred: "`Hold it! (Liam and Connor look up at her) Nobody kill anybody! Please?"'

Wes walks into the lobby where Gunn is picking up his axe, and Fred is putting away some of the stuff used in the spell. None of them says a word. Gunn and Wes stand there for a moment, then both go their separate ways.

Stage-Lorne, looking down at them from the right corner of the screen: "`So all's well that ends well, right, kiddies?"'

Lorne puts a dab on Cordy's tongue. Cordy closes her eyes. Angel stands a little off to the side watching. Connor leans against a wall behind Lorne and Angel, also watching. Cordy opens her eyes and looks at them then backs away, eyes wide.

Lorne voice over: "`But since nothing ended all that well, I guess I gotta say, well..."'

We watch in slow motion as Cordy turns and runs away.

Lorne v.o.: "`Nothing \B{was} well."'

Lorne on stage: "`See none of us knew it then, but the sequence of events was a little different than we thought. It went more like this:"'

Lorne puts a dab onto Cordy's tongue. Cordy closes her eyes. Angel and Connor watch. Cordy opens her eyes and sees a demon open its red eyes and look straight at her. Cordy turns and runs away.

On stage Lorne takes his hand of the piano and puts the lid down over the keys. We hear some low conversation in the background.

Lorne: "`Well, it's been a long night. For everyone. I hope that you all enjoyed my little tale so much that you tip your waitresses with obnoxious abandon."'

We can just make out a man's voice, yelling: "Finish it!'

Lorne gets up: "`Always leave 'em one more, kiddo. That's the rule. Anyway, I've got no more to tell. Applause, applause. (We hear some muted, scattered clapping as Lorne picks up his jacket.) I've got a seabreeze that gonna get up and leave with someone else if I don't get to her soon. (Muted scattered laughter) So, you kids be good and---go home. Hug your families while you can. And stay away from the magic. Trust me."'

Cordy hurries down a corridor in the Hyperion. Angel comes around a corner a ways behind her.

Angel: "`Cordy."'

Cordy stops and turns to look at Angel, who has also stopped.

Cordy: "`I can't... Angel, I-I'm sorry."'

Angel: "`You remember."'

Cordy: "`I remember all of it.---All of it. And I have to be alone.---Please? For a while. It-it's too... I-I..."'

Cordy turns to go.

Angel: "`Cordelia?"'

Cordy stops and looks back at Angel.

Angel: "`Were we in love?"'

Cordy looks at him for a moment, then down at the floor: "`We were."'

Cordy turns and walks away.

Angel stands there and watches her go. Angel swallows hard, blinks and looks down at the floor.

Lorne on the stage shrugs his jacket into place. We hear muted sounds of clinking glass and low laughter and talking. Leaving his cigarette smoking on the piano he starts to walk down the steps from the stage. Lorne walks towards the bright light shining in through the doors at the other end of the club. And even though all the tables are clean, chairs neat and empty, we can still hear muted sounds of people talking and the clinking of glasses.