"The Strength To Heal "

Author: Amy
Contact: Slvrbttn@aol.com
Notes: My eternal thanks go to Tracy for helping through the duration of this fic, Laura for letting me complain that I was never going to get it done, and Rebecca for letting me throw things her way out of the blue. Love you guys! For some obvious and maybe not so obvious, the losing of Buffy's power isn't due to Giles's giving her injections. Hopefully that will be understood as the story progresses.

Giles woke to the feel of a small hand gently pawing at his face. He blinked tiredly, and his eyes focused on the petite blond Slayer in front of him. Buffy's hands lingered on his cheeks for a moment as she stared at him intently. Her voice was barely audible. "Giles."

Giles felt tears build in his eyes and he impatiently brushed them away. He wanted to explain, to apologize, anything that would gain forgiveness, but all he could say was her name. "Buffy..."

She shook her head; her shining hair swished around her face. "No. Just be quiet for a second."

Giles nodded and became still under her scrutiny. Her eyes, those deep, pain-filled blue eyes, searched his and again she took his face in her hands. "Giles." Her voice had become stern, commanding an answer.

"Yes?" he asked hoarsely.

Buffy's lips and chin trembled, her face crumpling, and tears escaped her eyes. Slowly, steadily, as if speaking to a child, she spoke to him. "I don't... blame you." The words were soft and forgiving and Giles swallowed, not allowing himself to cry.

"Thank you." He spoke meaningfully, gratefully, loving and admiring his Slayer more than he ever had before.

She slipped easily into his arms, her tears flowing more freely. Giles hugged her closer in a rare display of emotion as he felt her hot tears against his neck. Her words were muffled, but sincere. "You're welcome."

And Angel watched, a smile tugging at his mouth.

"Hey," Xander said, catching Cordelia in mid-flight through the school hallway. She looked at him a moment, her mouth turned down, and then slipped out of his grasp, heading for nowhere.

He ran after her, catching up to her easily. Grabbing her arm again, he spun her around to face him. "What's wrong?"

Cordelia sighed and shook her head. "Nothing, Xander. Why is it that you automatically assume that something's wrong?"

"You mean just because you're running through school, nearly crying?" he countered.

"Yeah."

He smirked. "Maybe because you were running through school, nearly crying. You don't usually do that, by my records."

"You keep records on me? Stalker much?" she asked with a smile. Then her smile vanished. "I really think I should go to the library. I need to talk to Giles."

"I could go with you," he volunteered. "No one's there right now."

Cordelia raised her eyebrows.

"I mean to *talk*," he defended. "Just to talk, if you wanted to."

She sighed again. "This is going to get out eventually. I have to warn you, it's not good." Her large brown eyes filled with tears again, and she shook her head, her ponytail bouncing.

"Is it ever?" Xander asked warily. His hand found her cheek and he touched the smooth skin for a moment before nodding in the direction of the library. Cordelia nodded back, and he looped his arm around her waist, half guiding her, half carrying her there. She leaned against him compliantly.

The tears came faster, and Xander knew to expect the worst.

Ironic how he forgot that sometimes.

Willow pushed her plate of spaghetti away and threw her fork down. Oz looked at her, concerned. "Is it something other than the food?"

She exhaled heavily. "Yes. Of course. I just can't stop thinking about..." She looked away.

Oz took her hand across the table. "Buffy." Willow nodded, and he went on. "You know, it would be weird if you *weren't* thinking about her, Will. She's your best friend, and you want to do all you can to help. It's natural. It's good. It's what I love about you."

Willow sniffed and then glanced back at him with a trembling smile. "Thanks. Oz," she said suddenly, "What were you doing with Xander and Giles last night?"

He stiffened, his smile becoming weak. "Willow..."

"You... You don't have to tell me," she said haltingly, "But I'd like to know."

His eyes met hers for a long moment, and then he nodded. "We were finding out who those men were. We went to Willy's."

Oz studied her for her reaction. Her eyes shined.

"Good," she mumbled softly. Louder, she continued, "Very good. I want to help."

"Willow, I don't think that would be--" he started to protest.

"If you say one more thing like that, I'm going to have to resort to using my resolve face," she interrupted. A smile flickered around his mouth and he nodded quickly. "I want to help. I can, and I want to. I could... I don't know, do a location spell or something. It could work."

Oz paused, then nodded again. "It could. But you're out of the scene when everything goes down." His tone booked no room for argument, and Willow smiled. He stuck his hand out. "Deal?"

She took his hand, squeezing it warmly. "Deal."

They stood, still clasping hands. "Library?" Oz asked.

She bobbed her head. "You have yourself yet another deal."

"You have quite a decision to make, Buffy," Giles said quietly.

"What do you mean?" she asked, watching the students bustle around them as they headed for the library. "Is it something that has to do with..." she swallowed.

"No," he assured her. "I believe I know what you'll choose, but you have to be the one to make the choice and say it aloud. The words preceding the choice you make must be, 'I choose, for my destiny...' " He smiled sadly. "It's an affirmation of sorts. Once the words leave your mouth..."

Buffy stared at him blankly, then smiled. "I hear the words, and see your mouth moving but can't quite understand what language you're speaking in."

"Oh." Giles flashed another, bashful, smile at her. "The choice you have to make. You are now allowed to choose whether or not to remain a Slayer. I thought I had explained this all earlier."

Buffy stared at the library doors they were fast approaching. "I did... I just... Giles?"

She sounded scared, he realized.

"Take all the time you need, Buffy," he said gently.

"Okay... It's going to be hard, though," she murmured. He nodded in mute understanding.

They walked into the library, stopping in surprise when they saw Cordelia, Xander, Willow and Oz waiting for them with grave looks on their faces. Cordelia stepped forward. "You have too many hard things going on right now," she noted. "Which is why I hate telling you this." She paused for a moment, her throat working silently. "I wasn't sure I should at first but... Then I thought you might find out some other way and I didn't really want that to happen."

"What is it?" Buffy whispered.

Cordelia handed her a small sheet of paper. "This."

Buffy took it, something dark and scary building in her stomach and unfolded it. For a long time she looked down at the words, her lips tight and her jaw clenched. At length, she looked back at the group, who was staring at her in concern. She nodded, a bitter smile on her face, and handed the note to Giles.

Giles continued watching her, not glancing down at the paper. Buffy's shoulders were hunched slightly and she began walking stiffly into his office. He called after her, not knowing what to do. "Buffy?"

"Please just... Leave me alone."

Giles looked down at the words in confusion. His mouth opened silently as he read what had been written by the most malicious of hearts. 'Did you hear? Miss I'm Better Than Everyone Buffy was giving it to a couple of guys in an alley. God, what a slut.'

Giles threw the paper down, disgusted. He looked up at Cordelia. "Who wrote this?"

"Harmony," she muttered angrily.

"What did you say?"

Her eyes snapped to his. "I asked her if anything seemed unusual about it, like Buffy's crying and trying to get away."

"And?" he demanded.

Cordelia exhaled deeply, looking away. "She asked why, if Buffy wasn't into it, she didn't just knock them out, because everyone knows she's strong enough."

Giles paused, not knowing what to say.

Willow finally broke in. "How many people know?"

"Well, Harmony said that it was actually Kim who saw it, so right now two. But... Well, neither of them can really keep a secret if it's this... juicy."

Giles flinched. "Tell her it's important."

"Giles, I'm not sure if that will work."

"Tell her!" he barked. "Make it work."

Cordelia looked down tearfully. "Okay." She turned to Xander, slipping her arm through his. "Come with me?"

"You got it."

They walked out of the library together, hushed and worried. Giles looked at the office where, through the blinds, he could see Buffy hunched over on the sofa. He started for there, but Willow stopped him.

"Let me?" She looked at him pleadingly. "Please?"

Giles glanced at her, noted the tears tracking down her face, and gave a slow nod of assent. "Yes. Thank you."

Willow gave a trembling smile in thanks and disappeared into his office. He looked after her blankly for a moment and then turned to Oz, who was sitting on the desk and leaning forward. Oz finally broke the heavy silence that shrouded them. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm regretting that little twit's birth," Giles growled before he could catch himself.

Oz raised his eyebrows. "Cordelia?"

Giles rolled his eyes, walking over to the desk and falling into a chair. "Harmony."

"Ah."

"And, I'm thinking that now more than ever do I want to..." Giles trailed off, choosing to think the violent words instead of say them.

Oz nodded in understanding. "I hear you, Giles." He glanced at his girlfriend in the office, her arms around Buffy. "Believe me, I hear you."

"Buffy?"

Buffy looked up at Willow, her eyes dry and cold. "Yeah?"

"Can I just... Sit with you for a minute?" Willow asked hesitantly. Buffy stared at her for a moment and then lifted her chin in affirmation. Willow sat down on the small couch and looked intently at her best friend. "It was horrible, what Harmony wrote about you."

Buffy winced, then shrugged. "Yeah. Whatever."

"No, *not* whatever," Willow insisted, her voice and frustration rising. "It was wrong, just plain wrong, and she should be punished for saying that about you! None of them know. *I* hardly know what you're going through, Buffy."

She looked away, her eyebrows furrowed in concern.

Buffy gave her a thin smile. "At least you know the truth. They, who knows how many people, think... Think that I..." she trailed off, her breaths heavy and gasping for a moment before she composed herself.

Willow touched her hand. "They don't know you. If they did..."

"If they did, they still wouldn't like me because I don't bend to their whims," Buffy stated matter-of-factly.

"Well, yes," Willow admitted, "But would you really want to be friends with them?"

"That's not the point, Will," Buffy said miserably. "The point is that they said these things about me and didn't think about any repercussions that might come from them." She ran a hand through her hair. "And it sucks, Willow. God, if Angel had read that note, who knows what he'd be doing to Harmony right now? And I don't know if I'd stop him."

Willow brushed at her eyes absently. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I wish there was more I could say than that. I wish... I could do something to help you, but I can't."

Buffy smiled wanly. "Thanks, though. I think it's enough that you listen to me. Really listen, I mean. Sometimes I feel like you and Angel are the only ones that do that." She glanced away from Willow for a long moment, staring at nothing. "I told him that I wished we could make love last night. It was the first time either of us had really... Had really brought that up. You know, not just beating around the bush or anything."

Willow's eyes widened. "What did he say?"

A smile flickered around the edges of Buffy's mouth. "He said that he wished we could too. That he missed that kind of intimacy with me, but that it might make me resent him in the long run, and wouldn't take the pain away." She rolled her eyes. "God, I hate it when he's wise and knowing. I feel like a movie of the week."

Willow smiled briefly, pulling her friend into a hug. "If you ever need me for anything, Buffy," she offered.

Buffy nodded against Willow's shoulder. "Thanks. I know. If only you could take away what Harmony said," she murmured dryly. Her eyes got moist, and she brushed at them angrily.

Willow pulled back from the hug, her eyes wide. She smiled slowly. "I... I actually may know of something that would do just that." She laughed, amused that it hadn't occurred to her before.

"What are you talking about?" Buffy asked, a confused, almost-smile on her face.

Willow shrugged. "I'm a witch. We do spells. Or, if you like, I could just throw a couple of kids in an oven."

Buffy, slowly catching on, laughed with her.

After school, the group reconvened unplanned, taking refuge in the place they knew intuitively would bring the most comfort. They sat around the table, Xander holding hands with Cordelia, and Oz with Willow. Buffy jittered her leg and tapped her pencil against the desk, bored. With a sigh, she finally turned to Cordelia.

"What'd Harmony say?"

Cordelia jumped, trapped. "She said that it was too late, and even if she could have stopped herself from telling Blue..."

Buffy's eyebrows arched. "She wouldn't have?"

Cordelia sighed. "Right."

Willow and Buffy grinned in unison, and Cordelia, Oz and Xander looked at them in surprise. "Cordelia," Willow said slowly, "Do you think you could find out exactly how many people know, and which ones? By tonight?"

Cordelia shrugged. "Sure. I don't think I'd have a problem doing that."

Buffy leaned forward imperceptibly. "Then do it. Call Willow and I tonight at my house, okay?"

Cordelia shook her head, bewildered. "You got it."

It would all have seemed the same if things hadn't been changed so drastically for Buffy in the past few days. She sat with Willow on her bed, waiting for Cordelia's call. Willow continued to set up the requirements for the memory spell.

Suddenly, Willow stopped and looked at her intently. Buffy ran her hands over her rapidly healing face to make sure nothing was on it. "What? You're making me paranoid."

A small smile edged over Willow's face and then she sobered. "Do you want to forget too?"

Buffy's eyes widened but she remained silent for a moment, sitting back. "What do you mean?"

"I can make you forget that this happened, too. Not just Harmony and everyone else who knows, whoever you want. Even me. It's possible, you know." Willow's eyes started to shine; She wasn't hiding the fact that she liked the idea.

Slowly, Buffy shook her head. "I'm sorry, Will," she said softly. "I need to remember. At least for a while. I can't let them get aw-- I just can't forget yet." She looked up hopefully. "Could you... You know, turn back time? Make it so that it didn't happen?"

Willow looked down at the few candles on the bed, waiting to be lit. After a moment, she cleared her throat, brushing away a stray tear that found its way down her cheek. "I'm sorry. I can't. I don't have that kind of power. I'm... I'm not sure anyone does."

Buffy's heart fell, but she nodded understandingly. "It's okay," she assured her friend. "Really. Let's just... make sure that all of the people who aren't supposed to know, don't. Is the chanting done?"

Willow nodded. "Yeah. All that's left is the lighting of the candles. Then, poof. No more memory of you and... They won't remember any of the rumors."

Silence blanketed the suddenly awkward moment. After a moment Buffy cleared her throat and smiled mutely.

The phone rang, and they both sighed with relief. It was Cordelia.

"Uh huh... Yeah... Okay..." Willow's pen worked furiously and Buffy got increasingly worried about how many people had heard the rumors about her. After a few minutes of continuous "Uh huh"ing, Willow finally hung up and clapped her hands together.

"All right! Do you want to light the candles, or do you want me to?"

"Wait," Buffy murmured. Willow paused and looked at her. "What was the final count?"

"You don't want to know, Buffy," Willow said softly.

Buffy turned away and nodded. "You light the candles."

Willow set the list of names in the center of the circle of candles and lit each one. She watched quietly as the paper vanished with a soft swishing noise. Buffy's voice was clipped when she spoke again. "Done?"

Willow sighed. "Done."

The night was silent. Inky darkness whispered around Buffy as she patrolled. Two vamps, no men. She checked her watch impatiently, sighing when she saw that it was only a little after midnight.

A twig snapped behind her and she spun, raising her stake menacingly. Giving the vampire no room to say something annoying, she sprang forward and they tumbled down onto the soft grass. The vampire grunted as she straddled his stomach, backhanding him with one hand, and then the other. Blood gushed out of his nose as it broke with a crunch. Buffy grinned maliciously, her stake driving into his shoulder and pinning him to the ground. His free arm reached up to weakly encircle her neck as he tried to gather his bearings.

"Want to fuck with me tonight?" she growled angrily. His eyes took on the edge of panic and she smiled again, brushing his grasping hand away from her face and neck. She took hold of his fingers and stilled as he continued to stare at her in shock. Smiling a little more gently, she stroked his hand, and then began to snap his fingers one by one.

He yelled in pain, utter terror. Obviously, this wasn't his lucky night.

With the last bit of his strength, he disengaged his shoulder from the stake and pulled his hand free from Buffy's hurting grip. Rolling over on top of her, he let his blood drip onto her face. She gritted her teeth as images flashed behind her eyes. On top of her, using her, hurting her. This vampires weight was light and he was tired and weak from a sound beating, but that didn't matter. She raised her head and it smashed into his skull. His eyes rolled back in the sockets, his elongated teeth cutting at his own lips.

Suddenly, he was gone, and what she was left staring at was Faith, holding a stake above her. The quiet stretched and she helped her up.

"Why did you do that?" Buffy snapped. "I thought you were the one who got all juiced with a good vampire beating."

"I am," Faith muttered. "And you're not. Which leads me to believe that either that pathetic looking thing you were wailing on did something really horrible to you, or that you're taking out your fury over what happened to you on him." Faith smiled at her as they began walking. "It's choice fury, though."

Buffy looked away. "Who the hell told you?"

"Giles." She rolled her eyes. "He wanted me to go easy on you."

"And what do you know about it?"

Faith smirked. "You think I lived on the streets before I was a Slayer without learning some lessons? God, you're as ditzy as a blond in a joke."

Buffy stopped walking and faced her; the trees rustled quietly above them. "You too?"

"Of course me too," Faith said in a light voice. "Doesn't mean anything. It didn't mean anything then either. It doesn't matter, B. Never did. You're making something out of nothing when you could just forget it and go on with your life. Kick some demon ass, but know why you're doing it."

"Where's Giles?" Buffy asked grimly.

Faith nodded in the direction of the parking lot across the street. "Over there. He wants to talk to you."

"Yeah, okay. You got the patrol?" Faith nodded and Buffy left the conversation where it was, dashing off toward his car. She slipped inside as soon as she got there. "Go easy on me?" she asked stiffly.

Giles's face registered surprise and then he sighed and nodded. "Yes. I'm sorry, perhaps it wasn't my place to tell her or..."

"Of course it wasn't your place!" she shouted. Giles flinched at the sound in his car. "I mean, what do you think? Do you think that everyone needs to know? That everyone needs to feel sorry for me? God, you might as well have told Harmony."

"I didn't realize that Faith would tell anyone," he said quietly.

"She won't," Buffy muttered, "But that's not the point, is it?"

With surprising quickness, Giles turned to her and took her shoulders in his hands. Giving her a gentle shake, he pinned her with his eyes. "Buffy, listen to yourself! One moment you're fine, you don't wish anyone to know, convinced that if all is quiet, you will heal. And then you cry, quietly talking about how you might never heal. The next, you are angry and sullen, yelling at those who care about you, those who you care about!" He dropped her shoulders with a repentant look. "I don't wish these feelings on you, Buffy. But I'm getting increasingly worried about your state of mind." His head dropped. "I don't know what to do."

Buffy stared at him in shock. After a moment, she touched his hand. "I'm sorry..."

"No," Giles murmured tiredly. "You have no reason to be sorry. I don't have any answers. I don't know how I'm supposed to behave under circumstances like these. And you don't either."

Tears slipped out, spilling onto her cheeks and she wiped at them quickly. "I'm sorry for how I've been acting, which *is* up to me. You're right. I have been..." She searched for the right words. "A basketcase. I still am." Her voice was miserable, fatigued, and she rested her head against his arm for a moment. "I wish I didn't feel like this, but I do. It's like, one minute I'm fine and getting better and then I'm so mad I can hardly see straight, and then I can't see through my tears."

Giles gave her hand a small squeeze. "I feel the same, oddly enough."

A small laugh escaped her lips and she smiled up at him. "Faith has the patrol. I know... I know we're really not supposed to take time off of being us, but do you want to..." She looked down, not knowing what she was about to say. "I mean, my birthday was sort of... Do you want to maybe go to a movie with me or something? It's not the ice show, but it could be okay."

His eyes were gentle when he looked at his Slayer this time, gentle and affectionate and sad. "Of course." He turned the key in the ignition and the car sputtered before starting. "Anything in particular?"

She sat back against seat, laying her head against the headrest. "Anything but a chick flick. I don't think I can handle any more tears or sadness tonight."

Giles flashed a smile at her. "As you wish."

Angel paused on his way into his mansion. He'd had the feeling that he was being followed for about four blocks. Calmly going inside and leaving the door unlocked, he made his way downstairs and began building a fire.

He heard a noise behind him, but didn't look up. "Why didn't you just come up to me on the street?"

"I wanted to talk to you here," Xander said. "You're the only one around, right?"

Angel finally turned to face him. He nodded. "What's going on?" he asked warily.

Xander glared at him for a long moment and Angel felt strangely like he was being inspected. The mutual dislike between Angel and Xander was never denied, so he wondered why the boy would be coming to him, of all people, for anything. He gestured to the couch and Xander sat, his eyes still studying the vampire.

Angel sat in the chair next to the couch and raised his eyebrows. "I'm assuming that you actually had something to say."

Xander lifted his head. "Listen, I know you're in love with Buffy and everything," he said haltingly, as if he was going to choke on his words. Angel merely watched him, waiting for him to get to the point. Xander nodded again. "But this has just been bothering me."

"What has?"

"This... whole situation. I thought you had your soul."

Angel's eyes snapped to him, and Xander met his gaze squarely. "I do have my soul," he said firmly. "Though, I'll admit that when I found out about this, I felt almost like..."

"You didn't," Xander stated.

"Yeah."

"So, why are you doing this then?"

Angel shifted in his chair. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I hate them," Xander said simply. "Because they've made everything... wrong for her and all of us, and I hate them for it."

"Does it mean you don't have a soul?"

Xander swallowed. "Okay. Understood."

Their gazes broke away from each other and they looked at the fire, settling into an oddly comfortable silence. And the night stretched on between them.

"I'm surprised I laughed so hard," Buffy commented casually, relaxed. She looked at Giles with a smile. "Thanks."

"Certainly." He smiled back. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."

"I did," she admitted. "Is that awful?"

"I don't think so."

They stepped inside his car and buckled their seatbelts. Starting the ignition, he glanced at the clock and a surprised breath escaped his lips. Buffy glanced at him. "What?" She followed his eyes. "Did you have... Something else to do?" she asked delicately, trying to seem as though she wouldn't be hurt if that was the case.

Giles shook his head. "I just didn't realize it was so late."

Buffy grinned. "Now, you're not going to start thinking we're dating, are you?" she teased.

Giles blushed. "Of- Of course not! That's absurd." He laughed nervously, then caught her playful smile and rolled his eyes. They headed toward her house. "Must you needle me so?"

Buffy laughed. "I think I must."

They rolled to a stop in her driveway. Buffy unbuckled and turned to face her Watcher. Her voice grew soft, and she attacked him with an unexpected hug. "Thanks. I mean, really thanks. For everything."

"It's a pleasure," he replied quietly.

"Not just a job?" The words were light, but Giles caught the undertone of sadness; she really wanted to know.

"It's my job to prepare you," he reminded her gently, "But not to take you to the movies. It's a pleasure. I just wish..."

"You wish?" she prompted.

"I just wish that all your nights could be like these." His eyes caught hers seriously. "They can be, you know."

Buffy sighed. "I know. I'm still thinking about it. Is there a deadline?"

"No. Not exactly."

"What do you mean?" she pressed, worried.

He lifted his shoulders helplessly. "If you haven't decided by your nineteenth birthday, your special abilities will be taken away from you. You will be normal. I didn't mention this?"

"No," Buffy answered, her brow wrinkling. "You didn't."

"Yes, well..." Giles trailed off, sneaking another look at the clock. "I apologize."

She shrugged. "No need. I'll see you tomorrow, Giles."

He nodded, and she stepped out of the car, running up to her porch. As soon as he saw for himself that she was safely inside, he started the car and drove into the darkness.

Giles shoved the door closed behind him. He was surprised to see Xander and Angel sitting in companionable silence, the air of tension that usually surrounded the boy and the vampire gone. He cleared his throat and they both looked up at him, their eyebrows raised.

"We tried to call your house," Angel said, asking no explanation as to why Giles was late. "But you weren't home. We decided to wait."

Giles looked around. "And where is Oz?"

Xander smirked. "I thought you would remember things like this." He gestured to the window where they could see the full moon hanging low and heavy in the sky.

Giles nodded with a quick, embarrassed understanding. "Ah-- Yes. Sorry."

Angel gestured to the couch. Giles seated himself beside Xander, who fell silent again. Angel pinned the boy with a curious look and then turned back to Giles. "Did you find anything?"

"Yes. Ah, and I apologize for being late. Buffy and I went out."

"Slaying?" Angel asked.

"No. To a movie. It seemed to lift her spirits a bit."

Angel nodded, a flash of sadness washing over his face. After a moment, he shook his head. "So what did you find?"

"Their names. And our friend Willy was right. They are construction workers. Sent to do a job in Falston, which is roughly ten days' drive away. They live on the other side of Sunnydale, however, so they'll be passing through on their way home."

"Which city?" Angel leaned forward.

"Denison."

"Did you happen to find out how long their job would take?" Xander asked suddenly.

Giles shook his head in surprise. "No, actually I didn't. That's a very good point, Xander. When they're finished, they'll head straight here."

Xander nodded mutely. "Do you know *what* they were working on?"

Giles paused, thinking. "A prison, if I remember correctly."

"Okay then. We just need to find out how long it takes to build a prison," Angel supplied quietly. "And then... We'll go from there."

Giles's eyes jerked to Angel. "What are *you* planning on doing?"

Angel looked at him levelly. "The same thing you are."

Buffy looked around her room. It was lonely. Scared was not something the Slayer should be, or should have to be. She sighed, picking up her phone and propping herself on her bed. Willow's mom answered. "Mrs. Rosenberg? Is Willow there?"

"Bunny?"

Buffy grimaced. "Buffy. Yeah. I'm sorry to call so late. Is Willow around?"

"I thought Willow was staying the night with you." The woman sounded genuinely confused, and Buffy mentally smacked herself.

"No, she is. She was stopping by Xander's house before she came over. I'm sorry. I forgot. Thanks."

"Of course, Bunny."

Buffy hung up the phone. Her hand wavered over the numbers for a moment before she shrugged and punched in the numbers to the library. Willow picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, Will," Buffy said tiredly.

Willow frowned to herself. "Are you okay?"

"Pretty much. I was just wondering... Could you come over? Spend the night as in really? Maybe Faith wouldn't mind watching Oz," Buffy said hopefully.

"Sure," Willow said instantly. "Faith got here a few minutes ago. She's getting ready to do another sweep, but if I ask her, I'm sure she'll say yes. See you in a little while, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks."

They disconnected.

Twenty minutes later, Willow knocked on the door. Buffy answered it with her finger over her mouth, signaling her friend to be quiet as they walked up the stairs. As soon as they were in Buffy's room, she explained, "Sorry. Mom's asleep. Thanks for coming."

"No problem," Willow said, positioning herself on the bed. "What's going on?"

"I just...." Buffy sat next to her. "I'm tired. I didn't want to be alone. I wanted...." Her eyes sparkled with tears, and Buffy blinked them back resolutely.

"You wanted?" Willow asked helpfully.

"I wanted to just... Be close. To someone I'm allowed to be close to." She looked at Willow with a sad smile. "It's stupid."

Willow shook her head. "No, it's not! It's understandable." She took Buffy's hand. "I'll stay. I want to stay."

"Are you sure?"

Willow nodded seriously. She kicked off her shoes and Buffy smiled and did the same. They laid down on the bed next to each other, and Buffy reached over to flip the lamp off.

"Willow?" Her voice was tiny in the dark. "Would you mind it... Would it be too weird if I asked if I could hug you?"

Willow's eyes welled up for her friend. "No. I think I would have asked you the same thing."

She rolled over so she was facing Buffy, and opened her arms. Buffy slipped into her friend's embrace, pressing her face into Willow's shoulder, silently weeping. "Thank you, Willow."

Willow nodded, her own tears streaking down the side of her face and falling on the pillow. She brushed Buffy's hair back with her hand, smoothing it, soothing her. "Anytime you need it, Buffy."

Buffy nodded slightly and hugged Willow harder.

Wrapped in each other's arms, as the silent grew loud and the dark grew darker, the two best friends fell asleep, listening to the sound of their tears falling.

*Plink!*

*Plink!*

*Plink plink!*

The window opened and Xander sighed with relief. Cordelia rubbed at her eyes in annoyance. "Hey, let me in, will you?" Xander called from the tree branch in a loud whisper, "There could be monsters out here."

Cordelia rolled her eyes and nodded and indicated her room. Xander smirked. "I was hoping you'd give me a little more help than that." He stepped across the open space underneath the tree, sighing when his foot came in contact with her window ledge. He caught the hand she lent and ducked inside.

"Thanks," he muttered, brushing himself off.

"What are you doing here, Xander?" Her voice was grainy from sleep, and she cleared it. "I was sleeping, you know."

"I know, I know. You need twenty hours of sleep a night to stay that beautiful," he grinned. Cordelia walked over to her bed and flopped down on it. Xander followed her and began to get up beside her.

"Xander," she said warningly.

"Oh, sorry." He took off his shoes and then laid next to her. She nodded, pleased.

"So *what* are you doing here?"

"Wanting to talk to you."

Cordelia yawned. "About...?"

Xander rolled onto his side, propping his head up with his hand. "Buffy."

Cordelia turned to him, her eyes serious. "What about Buffy? Is she okay? Did something... else... happen?"

"No," Xander reassured her, pleased that she was concerned. "Just... You know what we're planning, don't you? Hell, even I don't really know what we're planning, but you seem to, so I want to come and ask for your... Blessing?" He nodded to himself. "Blessing, I guess."

She arched an eyebrow. "This couldn't have waited until tommorrow?"

"It could have," he gave.

Cordelia sighed and reached out, touching his jaw with one finger. Xander smiled. "I don't think you need my blessing, but you have it anyway. I trust you guys." She grinned impishly. "Well, mostly them, but you a little."

Xander laughed and then quieted, remembering her parents were in the next room. Cordelia shook her head. "They're gone for the week. China. Daddy has some important business to attend to."

His eyes glinted in the dark, the moonlight that swept over her body, highlighting her hair and face and eyes until they seemed dipped in silver. Her feet wiggled under the covers and Xander obligingly slipped under the sheets and rubbed his feet with hers, warming her.

"Kiss me?"

Xander nodded. "You got it."

They kissed, their mouths making slow love for a long and tender moment before they broke apart. Cordelia yawned again. "Just for waking me up, you're going to have to brush my hair in the morning."

Xander groaned playfully. "Not that again!"

"That again," she said, grinning. "What can I say? I've never met a guy who's so afraid of me that he'll go to any lengths to keep from pulling my hair."

Their laughter mingled for a sweet second, and then all fell silent. She snuggled against him. "Stay."

"Yes."

They slipped into quiet together, and the world fell asleep around them.

The males reconvened in the morning. All sat around the table, save for Angel, who was lingering out of sunlight's reach, in the shadows of the bookshelves. Giles cleared his throat after the initial silence.

"I've been able to discover how long the job will take."

"How long?" Xander and Angel spoke in unison.

"What job?" Oz asked, smiling in confusion.

Xander glanced at him. "The men... They have a job, building something. A prison. Mighty appropriate," he mumbled. "Anyway, it's in Falston. They live in Denison. They're going to have to..."

"Pass right through here on their way home." Oz nodded his understanding. "And Denison is about three hours from here. Chances are, they'll break for the night." His lips tightened. "That is, if they liked this town."

Angel made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a growl. He turned to Giles. "Go on. How long?"

"Nearly a year. They'll be flying home on breaks. It's to be one of the larger prisons in the country. But," he added at the angry looks of the group around him, "They do have to bring home their own supplies. I learned that the truck they were driving isn't theirs-- It belongs to the company they work for. The company based in Denison. We *will* have a chance to do this," he said forcefully.

Giles looked at Oz. "I'm working on a component for you, to heighten your senses even further. Perhaps to the level that you are in right before you transform. It is dangerous, though, I must warn you."

Oz shrugged. "Still in." His mouth quirked. "I'll do what I can. And then leave the rest up to you."

Xander nodded. "What he said. I'll do what I can, if it helps any. You need battle equations or defense routines, I'm your guy. I could even get into the mix, probably. And hey, we all know that I'm the one who knows how to kill with humor."

"Always a plus," Angel deadpanned, no real annoyance in his remark.

Giles lifted his head. "Good. We'll need this. We'll need all of this." He turned to the vampire. "Angel?"

Angel stepped forward, until the sun was almost touching him. "Yeah?"

"I need to know you haven't reconsidered." Giles paused. "For the record."

Angel frowned, not needing to think. "I'm there."

Willow's soft gasp woke Buffy up. She untangled her hair from Willow's hand, wondering how it had gotten wrapped around her best friends fingers, and rolled over. Groaning, she sat up.

"We're late," she muttered, hopping out of bed.

"I know," Willow said back, hurried. "What do we do?"

Buffy glanced at her with a grin. "We go to school. Just... late."

"Oh... Okay... School. Yes." Willow nodded quickly and began pacing. "I don't have anything to wear."

"Wear something of mine," Buffy said easily. "Though you should pick out something fast if you want to make it to fourth period."

"Fast. Fast is good." Willow headed to the closet, pulling out and holding up clothes at random. Finally finding something in her style, she pulled it out and began dressing. "Thanks, Buffy."

Buffy smiled briefly, putting the finishing touches on her own outfit. "Anytime you need it, Will," she murmured.

"How did we miss fourth period?" Willow cried out. "We left before it started."

Buffy shook her head. "We woke up before it started. And then there was... something that looked like breakfast, and even though we got ready pretty fast, there's a few minutes there too. So we're late." She lifted her shoulders. "No big. We're in time for lunch."

Willow smirked at her. "Which is real big in the classes-I-need-to-finish column."

Buffy grinned. "Like you really need to do anything other than stay alive to go to any college in the country?" she shot back playfully.

They walked into the library; the doors swished closed behind them.

The guys were sitting there. They fell silent at the sight of the girls. Buffy narrowed her eyes. "New demon?"

Giles regained his thought process quickly. "Yes, actually. But I don't think we need to worry quite this soon. Perhaps in another dozen years. He was brought to my attention by this interesting prophesy I read in...."

Buffy yawned, exaggerating, her suspicions dissolving with his boring lecture. "Never mind, Giles. If I don't have to worry about it for another dozen years, then I plan on not worrying about it until then."

Giles smiled at Xander and Oz, who were looking at him appreciatively. "Well, Buffy, it really is best to be prepared..."

"I'll be prepared. In twelve years. Thanks, though," she joked.

Willow sidled up to Oz, sitting in the free chair next to him. "Buffy?" she mumbled. He nodded back, mutely. A satisfied smile lifted her features as she appraised the Watcher in a new light for the dozenth time.

Damn, but he was clever.

Suddenly Cordelia burst into the library, stopping in her tracks when she saw everyone already there. "God, you guys really don't have lives, do you?" she asked, her words sarcastic but not hurting. Buffy just rolled her eyes.

"Then what are you doing here?" she muttered. She and Willow exchanged hidden grins.

Cordelia sat down next to Xander, turning her eyes to Willow. "Anyway. So you'll never guess what just happened." She snickered. "I was in English, and the teacher called on Harmony for.... Something, I don't remember what. But Harmony didn't answer. So the teacher called on her again, and then one more time. She was getting really pissed." She burst into giggles.

"Turns out," she finished through hiccupping laughter, "That Harmony had forgotten her name. *And* her phone number, *and* the need to brush her hair in the morning. I thought she looked really weird this morning." She smiled at Willow. "So, what you did, thanks. I've never seen anything funnier."

"She remembers now?" Willow asked, a slight smile edging over her face.

"Yeah," Cordelia said flippantly, "But only after we had to take her to the nurses office and tell her her name and phone number like, three dozen times. She's never going to live it down."

A soft giggle escaped Buffy, and everyone turned to her in surprise. She looked up, tears of laughter beginning in her eyes. "I just...." She began to get louder, uncontrolled. "She didn't.... brush her hair." Buffy leaned forward, holding her stomach, as everyone looked at her in concern. After a moment, she righted herself, wiped away her tears and looked up with a grin. "What? I can't laugh at something totally stupid? If that were the case, Xander's jokes would never get laughed at."

The group exchanged amused and agreed looks and then started laughing. Xander's mouth hung open in shock for a moment, and then he nodded, resigned.

"Gotta hand it to you, Buff. You tell it the way it is," he grinned.

Buffy, a spark thought dead re-lighting in her eyes, nodded happily at him.

Maybe things *could* get better.

Willow nudged her as they walked home. Buffy smiled at her friend. "What?"

"It's just... I'm happy," Willow said softly. "Happy that you're happy."

Buffy stopped walking, turning to face her. "I'm not," she admitted seriously. "I don't think I will be for a long time. It won't ever be like it was before. But it won't ever be as bad as it was for a while there. I don't think it could *get* that bad again." She smiled, bitter-sweetly. "I can deal. I always have."

"You really have," Willow said admiringly. Her eyes lowered. "Buffy?"

They resumed walking. "Yeah?"

"What's it... Never mind."

Buffy looked at her shoes; she was scuffing them along the sidewalk. "What's it like?" Willow nodded, biting her lip. "Don't feel bad for asking, Will. It's horrible. It's like... Like having this really big secret, something that was special to only you and maybe someone else, and having another person, one you hated, finding out about it and... I don't know, telling people, or making fun of you for it. I wasn't, you know, a virgin because of, well, Angel, but it was different with them. Not just because they weren't him, but because it made me feel weak. And not like I *was* weak, at the time. Weak inside."

Willow was silent as Buffy talked and Buffy glanced up at her before she continued. "You know that feeling you get when you see a cockroach or something equally gross? It was like that was inside me. I was infested with them. They took my special away from me."

Willow shook her head. "Nobody could do that."

"Thanks," Buffy said softly. "But, with Angel?"

Willow nodded, curious. Buffy had never talked about Angel in depth before, and she was wondering.

Buffy's eyes got distant. "It was different than that. So different. It *gave* me a special feeling, because I loved him and he loved me and, forgetting everything that happened after that, it was perfect. Pretty much what every girl dreams her first time is going to be like." Buffy blushed. "You know, not just because he's had... experience, although that might have been a part of it, but because we had gotten so close in our feelings, and that was the only way we could be even closer, and it did that for us."

"I'm sorry," Willow whispered hollowly.

"Why?" Buffy asked, genuinely confused.

Willow shrugged. "Just... For everything that you've gone through. But it seems to all work out in the end. Right?" she finished hopefully.

"Don't be sorry, Will," Buffy said, smiling sadly. "And, as for the other, the working out thing... I'm still hoping. I guess we'll just see."

The night whistled softly, the trees swaying overhead. Xander cursed at himself for having been stupid enough to have gone out. Walking.

He really was, he knew.

But no matter, he was at his destination. He knocked on the door quickly, two soft raps and three sharp ones, and smiled when Willow answered. It was the way he had always knocked on their door. She smiled at him but remained silent.

Xander got the picture, stepping inside without an invitation. Her smile grew, and she gestured upstairs. They walked in silence to her bedroom, and then she looked at him curiously. "What's up?"

He shrugged, falling on her bed and looking up at her ceiling. She sat down next to him. "Xander?"

He sighed. "I wanted to see you. I feel like I needed to see you, that's all."

Her eyebrows arched. "Be more specific?"

Xander rolled onto his side to face her. "Do you feel like we're still friends?"

"Of course," she answered instantly.

"Do you really?" he pressed. "Because I don't sometimes. Especially lately. With the whole... You and me thing, and the you and Oz and me and Cordelia thing and now the Buffy thing, it's getting harder to keep up appearances."

She looked stung. "Appearances? Is that what this is to you?"

"No," he said, disgusted with himself for putting that look into her eyes for the hundredth time. "But don't you feel like it's sort of tense between us? Like-- Our, your no touching rule. And I just want to feel like, with everything bad that's happening, we're still friends. That I can touch you and you can touch me and everything will be fine again...." Xander trailed off, not looking at her.

"But, Xander," she started softly, "It can never be like it used to be. Things were changing a long time before you noticed that they were. And we're not kids anymore. A tug on my braid or me kissing your Band-Aid where you scraped your arm isn't going to make things instantly better between us or anything."

He picked at her bedspread absentmindedly. "I know, but--"

Willow interrupted him. "It's okay to have things change. Sometimes they go the way you hoped, and sometimes they take a different turn, but that's not always bad. And I'm still your friend." Her hand fell on his, stilling in from tearing up her covers. "It just can't be the same. Is that okay? That things are different?"

He nodded slowly. "As long as one thing-- the us, being friends thing-- is the same. I don't think I could stand to lose you, Will."

She smiled. "What really brought you here tonight?"

He looked down again. "Buffy. I was thinking... And it's bad, I know it's bad, but I can't even imagine what I'd do if it had been you. God, I feel sick saying that, but you're more to me than anyone else is. Even as much as I love Buffy. It's just... more," he whispered. "And I started thinking that, if anything bad did happen to you, I'd want to be the one you went to about it. I'd want to be the one you could turn to. Because right now I don't feel like I am, I feel like you've been pulling away from me. The only time I felt close to you recently was..."

"When we kissed," she finished for him. He nodded.

"I felt that way too," Willow confessed. "Maybe that's why we did it. You know? To find some of the closeness that we used to have, something we had lost. I don't know. It was crazy and stupid and--"

"Great, and yet more crazy," he broke in.

She nodded. "It was great," she conceded, "And yet more crazy. But it made us feel close again. It just wasn't in the way we had planned or the way that was right. Listen, I learned something from Buffy today."

Xander nodded. "Which was?"

"That being close is something special. It's something people have to work for and keep working for, even after you think you've achieved it. I've known you my whole life, Xander, and so much of me is wrapped up in you and our memories, but that doesn't mean that I know who you are, completely, or who you're going to be in ten years or twenty. It's something we have to keep striving for. I *want* to be close to you. I *want* to be your best friend. I don't want to mistake what... we had going on for the kind of closeness that we have always had and the kind that we need. Because I do need you. I love you."

Xander's eyes glittered and he sat up, putting his arms around her and holding her close for a moment. "I love you too, Will. And I'll work on it if you'll do the same."

She hugged him closer, whispering into his shoulder. "I promise."

"Me too."

Giles rang the doorbell, glad that Buffy had gone over to Angel's house. Joyce opened the door and he smiled at her, stepping inside. "Hello, Joyce."

She looked surprised. "Hello, Giles. Buffy's out."

"I know." He looked around. "I wish to speak to you, if that's all right."

Joyce nodded, gesturing to the living room. They walked over to the couch and sat down. Joyce folded her hands nervously. "What's going on?" She didn't hide the tremor in her voice.

Giles cleared his throat. "I'm working on... something. And I wanted to tell you.. It seems silly now. I suppose it is. I wanted to tell you that things are under control. I'm making quite sure of it. It may take a while, but things will end well. I'm almost sure of it."

Joyce leaned back against the couch. "I believe you. And I know I shouldn't, because... Well, I can think of twenty reasons off the top of my head, number one being that you and Buffy lied to me for three years, but I do believe you." She touched his arm, something like understanding in her eyes. "Thank you."

He nodded, his throat working silently as he studied the surroundings that his Slayer lived in. Such a personal space, the home. Where Buffy got away from destiny and pain and power. Where she allowed herself to be a child, to grieve about heartbreaks and laugh about nothing with her friends. He smiled sadly.

Home was a nice place to be.

"Giles?"

He turned and looked at her. "Yes?"

"You really love Buffy, don't you?" The corners of her mouth turned up when he nodded slowly.

Her voice came out a whisper. "Thank you for that too."

Angel stirred, his brow knitted. Buffy poked him again. And again. And again.

Finally he sat up, biting back a growl of annoyance. His eyes locked with hers and he softened, opening his arms to beckon her into his embrace. She snuggled into them.

"God, I thought vampires were supposed to be light sleepers," she mumbled.

Angel smiled against her hair. "You forget that we're also dead."

She shook her head against his chest. "I didn't forget. I just never realized... how heavily you sleep, I think." I'm almost always asleep when you are, at least when we're together. Well, except when I woke you up the other day."

"Oh, I hadn't really been sleeping," he admitted, "Just thinking. About you, and things. How are you feeling?"

"Better," she whispered. "I told Will some stuff, I hope you don't mind, about us and how I was feeling. I don't think I've really talked about the us thing before, not in a descriptive way. Are you mad?"

He looked down at her. "Not mad. Uh, how descriptive?"

A grin flickered over Buffy's face. "Not *that* descriptive. Just about, you know, how being with you made me feel and how it was different from... them."

His hand smoothed back her hair, his fingers slipping into the silkiness of it and tangling though her blond locks. "It's okay. You tell Willow anything you want to. What happened with us didn't just happen to me. So I think I understand."

She lifted her head; kissed his collarbone. "Thanks."

"Buffy?" he asked after a moment.

"Hmm?"

"Does it hurt less now? I mean, it's only been a few days, really, but... Maybe I shouldn't ask."

"No," she disagreed softly, "It's okay for you to ask. That's the same thing I told Willow. It's like... I trust you guys. I trust all of you guys. Just because Xander and Giles and Oz haven't asked anything like that doesn't mean I wouldn't tell them. You guys say that I save your lives a lot, but you do the same for me, maybe without realizing it."

She paused, realizing she was getting off topic. "Anyway. Yeah. Sort of. It's kind of still... dull inside. Like I'm really groggy from sleep that had a really bad nightmare in it. But, I think I'm waking up. I mean, I hope I am." Her hand slid up with a feather-light touch, stroking his cheek. "I love you, Angel."

"I love you too, Buffy," he murmured huskily.

They laid back on the bed, still in each other's arms. "I miss this," she confessed.

"I do too. Miss being close, that is," he said, trying to find the right words.

"Yeah." She hesitated. "Thank you for the birthday present."

"The book?"

"Okay, sure," she grinned. Angel laughed, and she continued. "No, really. It was sweet. I'm sorry it... got all torn up."

He kissed her forehead tenderly, loving her and wanting to weep for her at the same time. "I'm sorry that you did, too."

Buffy wiggled in his arms, and it took him a moment to realize she had been shrugging. "You know what though, Angel?"

He smiled, mirroring her own smile. "What?"

"I won't be... totally... at least until.." She stumbled over her words for a moment and then she smiled again; wider, brighter than before. "I think I'm healing."

*

Present

She walks down that road every night. Waiting, watching. She knows there's going to be a time when they'll come back. When everything will come crashing back to her, and she'll be able to, finally, deal with what fate handed to her. So she goes in the name of patrol, and waits.

Waits for them in silence.

Buffy remembers Giles's words to her, and Angel's. They all want her to heal so much. And she wants that too. She wants to be better than she was, better than she thought she could be for so long. She knew she was healing. This was the final step to complete that.

Just one more step.

The group was hushed, waiting, listening to the silence. Finally Giles looked up from the phone and gave a slight nod.

The tension was palpable. The strain flickered around the room. The relief washed over like a refreshing wave of water in the desert. The day was almost there. Almost a year of planning in closed, secret meetings; almost a year of keeping this one thing from her; almost a year of not saying exactly what was going to happen, exactly what they were going to do.

Almost a year.

The time was almost up.

Almost.

Giles hung up the phone. "They'll be arriving tomorrow, passing through. They have plans of leaving Stepton tomorrow, around noon. That will make them arrive here around," he checked his watch, "Ten-thirty."

Xander grinned, a dark smile full of anticipation. "Finally. You sure they'll stop?"

"Ten hours on the road and three hours ahead of them to drive?" Oz broke in. "Yeah, I'd say it's a pretty sure bet."

Angel looked down at his hands; they were drawn tightly into fists. "They'll stop," he muttered in a low voice.

Giles nodded, glancing at his watch again. "We should disperse for the night. Xander, Oz, come by my apartment after school. Angel, as soon as the sun sets." The group nodded. "And, Oz, have Willow bring up the time spell. I should like to see if we can spot the exact moment they enter Sunnydale."

"Already thought of it," Oz murmured.

"What are we going to do about... Buffy? To make sure she doesn't... find out?" Xander wanted to know.

For a moment, Giles looked flummoxed. "I suppose every plan has a flaw," he finally muttered. "Perhaps we can...."

"Cordelia," Angel said.

Xander looked sharply at him. "What about Cordy? Don't get me wrong, Deadboy, it's not like I mind you taking an interest in my girlfriend, but..."

Angel rolled his eyes. "She can distract Buffy. We should be done by two, and then Buffy can take her patrol." He shrugged. "It's the most obvious plan."

"You have the mind of a criminal," Xander grinned. "I like it."

Angel smirked at him and Giles nodded.

"I'll see you tomorrow." The statement had a hint of a question to it.

"Thought we cleared that, Giles," Angel said, heading for the door. "I'll be there."

Xander and Oz stood. They raised their eyebrows at Giles, bobbing their heads. "I guess that means we will too," Xander said. "The nod, I mean."

"Yes, very droll." Giles began walking to his office. "Tomorrow then."

The others left, and silence swept over the library.

Buffy would laugh, and she would smile. For all eyes to see, she was fine with her fate again. She was the same person after the trauma that she had been before. But it wasn't entirely true. She had changed. And though she didn't wake up every night in a cold sweat; though she didn't think about them every day as she once did; they still were in her mind.

At night. When she walked, looking for them.

Only she knew what she was going to do. She had confided in her friends all but that. That remained with her, a sacred piece of the one thing what would forever heal her.

Buffy shivered, walking.

She could feel them nearing her, even now. Somehow, she could feel them getting closer.

To her fate and to theirs.

And one night, the chills wouldn't leave. They didn't go away. It wasn't mind over matter. She recognized the feeling. They were there. At long last, she would finally have the chance she had been waiting for. Her birthday was a few days away.

Happy Birthday, Buffy.

She went hunting.

The phone rang in a room filled with strained anticipation. After a startled intake of breath from those who were waiting, Oz finally reached over and picked it up. He held it to his ear for a moment, listening silently.At length, he made a sound of affirmation and hung up. He stood, turning to the others. "Willow says it's time to party."

Giles nodded and straightened himself as Xander and Angel got the bags. They started heading out the door. Giles looked behind him, secure in the sight of the three angry men behind him. "Where?" he asked in a low voice.

"Sunnydale Inn. My guess is they'll be men of the town again, though," Oz told him curtly. Giles nodded.

Angel turned to Xander. "What's that saying nowadays? To prepare someone?"

Xander smiled grimly. "Let's get ready to rumble?"

"Exactly."

The smell of smoke permeated the night. Buffy wrinkled her nose, her eyes narrowing. Weaving her way through the cars in the almost empty parking lot, she finally came to the place she had been led to. She didn't know what had brought her there, what piece of intuition that told her they would be waiting, but it didn't matter then.

As the world faded away and their eyes landed on her, *nothing* mattered.

The first, the one who called himself Andy, grinned at her. He nudged his friend, who was taking a long draw from a green bottle. Buffy smirked, the anger building in her. She leaned against the car opposite them and waited for one of them to speak.

"Lookit, Jake," he muttered, nudging his friend in the ribs harder. His words were slurred, his voice rough. "It's the little girl we met up here last time."

Jake looked at Buffy, his eyes widening in sick pleasure. "Come for another date, have ya?"

Buffy took her fighting stance. "I wouldn't date either of you for all the money in the world. Then again, I wouldn't have even before last time."

Andy teetered for her. "That's not too nice."

"I'm sick of being nice," she growled, her leg snapping out and wrapping around one of his feet. She yanked and he went down hard, sprawling.

Jake cursed, running toward her to defend his friend. His hand tightened into a fist and he went to backhand her, but she caught his fingers in her deceptively frail hand and, with a casual jerk, broke his fingers. He yelled in pain, falling to his knees. Buffy smiled angrily. "I have a thing about breaking fingers," she shrugged.

"Listen, little girl, if you obey and be nice, we won't hurt you," Andy panted out, getting to his feet.

Buffy laughed in a low voice. "Funny, I thought I was the one hurting *you*."

She didn't see his hand flying toward her in a vicious slap, but felt the air next to her cheek move, and at the last moment she dodged away, the slap barely grazing her shoulder. Her skin seemed to crawl at the feel of his fingers on her skin again after so long. She retaliated by hitting him, three times in the stomach, three times as hard as was needed to make him go down. As he fell, she brought her knee up and it jarred with his chin, making a satisfying cracking sound. He went down bonelessly, coughing out teeth.

"Shit," he muttered hoarsely, "What are you?"

Buffy straightened herself; wiped the blood from his face off of her hands calmly.

"I'm the Slayer."

"The what?"

Buffy's eyes wandered down his body slowly, and finally locked on his knee. "The Slayer," she explained, lifting her foot and bringing it down on his knee harshly. It crunched underneath the force of her foot, and she smiled. "I kill bad guys. In a nutshell."

Andy passed out.

Jake got up silently behind her and Buffy whirled to face him. He lifted the bottle he had dropped and slammed it against the side of a car, effectively making it a wicked weapon. He waved it around dangerously. "I think you'd better calm down, little miss," he hissed, "Or else you're going to get some scars that won't heal this time."

Buffy stood her ground, glaring at him, furious at the tears that came into her eyes. "Some of them didn't heal from the last time," she spat out, a single tear tracking down her cheek. "Why do you think I'm here?"

Jake ran at her with the broken bottle, and Buffy easily ducked underneath his arm, disarming him as he passed her. She kicked him to the ground, holding the bottle to his face.

Her hand trembled. "I want to kill you, you know that?"

Jake swallowed, his eyes darting back and forth between the broken glass near his eye, and her face.

She continued, her voice rising. "Do you know how much I want to kill you?!"

Quickly, he shook his head. She pressed the bottle a little closer against his face, tiny droplets of blood appearing. "I want you to die. You know what you did to me, you knew exactly what you were doing, and you did it anyway. For that alone, you should die." Her tears were coming faster. "I want to make you bleed and make you cry and make you feel like you're never going to get better. I want to make you feel *worthless!*" she yelled, disturbing the night. "And *dirty!*"

She spit in his face, and he flinched, his blood from the tiny cut on his cheek flowing faster.

Buffy pressed it harder, wanting nothing more than to kill him, wanting it to be that simple and easy. More blood oozed down and caught her eyes. She followed its path down to his chin, where it dribbled off slowly.

Her eyes glittered.

She took the bottle away from his face.

"I can't kill you now," she muttered. "Because I don't kill people, even if they hurt me. But I could kill you later, if you hurt someone else. And believe me, I'll find out if you do. And I'll find you again and kill you this time. Understand?"

Jake was quiet; terrified.

She yelled, wanting to shove the broken bottle into his heart. "Understand?!"

"Y-yes. Yes. I understand."

Buffy nodded and let go of the bottle, not hearing it crash against the pavement. She turned and walked away, something like satisfaction filling her stomach, something like daze seeping into her mind.

She didn't look back.

Jake watched her go for what seemed like forever before he finally went to check on his friend. Andy was already awake, but still, as though if he moved, more pain would come to him. Jake helped him up.

Andy groaned, testing out his leg. "We'll get that little whore, Jake. She musta been takin' lessons," he grunted. "Took us by surprise is all. We'll get her."

Jake nodded, but a foreign voice, the voice of a dark angel, invaded the conversation.

"Care to bet on that?"

The fist hit Andy's nose, effectively breaking it in a split second. Angel growled deeply, hitting the man again, smiling when he heard the sound of his nose crushing on impact. Andy stumbled away, glancing up. "What's going on?!"

"Well, you're what's going *off*," Xander said. Oz raised his eyebrows and Xander shrugged. "Not enough time to think up a good pun."

Oz glanced at Angel and then slid his eyes over to Giles. "Go to it."

"Go to what?" Jake ventured, his voice cracking with nervousness.

Giles replied calmly; too calmly. "Making you pay."

Angel didn't speak. With a simple nod, he hit Andy in the stomach and, as soon as he was bent over, kneed his chin with vicious accuracy. Andy's head snapped back and, with a grunt, he slipped to the ground.

Jake charged.

Giles cleared his throat, easily intercepting him. "I don't think I could let you attempt what you were about to... attempt."

"Why's that?" Jake sneered.

"Because then Angel would have the pleasure of watching you scream," Giles growled, making him fall with a heavy blow to his eye. Jake spun as he crashed to the ground, rolling a few feet away.

The Watcher and the vampire positioned themselves over their wounded prey, waiting for one or the other to get up. In a swirl of the black leather of his coat, Angel crouched down, harshly lifting Andy's chin with his fingers. Andy looked up, his face bleeding in four places, his jaw swollen and very obviously broken, and his lip nearly bitten off by his own teeth.

Angel smiled.

Jake rolled over and Giles walked with him, staring down at the pathetic man for a moment. Then, with surprising speed, his foot snapped out, connecting with Jake's ribs. Giles heard a crunch and kicked him again, and again, until Jake could no longer howl; only whimpers would be released from his lips.

"I'm guessing," Oz said to Xander as they watched the Watcher in all his brutality, "That this is how he got the name Ripper."

Buffy's keys clattered to her night table and she sat down on her bed heavily. Hitting the button on her answering machine, she sat back and waited to find out who had called seven times.

"Buffy, it's Cordelia. Want to do something tonight? Call me, okay?"

Buffy looked at the machine, confused. Cordelia had called her? She listened through the length of the messages and realized that Cordelia was the only one who had called, sounding more disturbed each time. Quickly, she picked up the phone and dialed Cordelia's phone number.

She answered instantly. "Hello?"

"Cor, what's going on?"

Cordelia sighed. "I wanted to go out with you tonight. Maybe shopping. Something. What are you doing now?"

Buffy laughed incredulously, glancing at the clock. "It's almost midnight!"

"Yeah, I know." Cordelia forced a laugh. "And you weren't supposed to patrol until now. Why were you out so early?"

Buffy sighed, wishing she'd prepared that ice pack before she had gone upstairs. Though she was feeling better than she had in a while, better about herself and life in general, she could tell that a massive headache was about to come on. "I had things to do," she said lightly. "Why are you so worried?"

"I, um...." Cordelia's voice squeaked for a moment. "I'm not. I just thought I could give you those fashion tips you're always begging for."

Buffy raised her eyebrows to herself. Though the words were trademark Cordelia, something wasn't right, or too right. As if Cordelia had been reading the words from a script. "So," she said slowly, "Where's Xander?"

Cordelia coughed loudly, suddenly, hurting Buffy's ear. "He went out. Probably asleep by now or something, though."

Buffy's eyes widened for a moment as things fell into place. Even though she didn't understand exactly what she was thinking, she suddenly felt very assured and confident.

She felt very safe.

Buffy smiled. "Okay, Cordelia. Why don't you come over for a while?"

Cordelia laughed again in what sounded like relief. "Sure. Be there in a few."

They disconnected, and Buffy looked around her quiet room as she was left alone with her thoughts.

Andy, upon regaining consciousness, looked up at Angel. "Why you doin' this? For that whore?"

Xander gave a low whistle from behind Angel, comfortable in his position as spectator. "That really wasn't smart."

And indeed it wasn't. Angel tangled his fingers through the man's hair and yanked him into a standing position. "For Buffy," he corrected through gritted teeth, doing nothing to stop the Change from coming over him. His eyes glowed gold. "And because you're going to be too afraid to ever come after her again. Too afraid to ever touch another woman again, whether or not she wants you to."

Angel pulled his hand back, and with it, a chunk of hair came off. Angel looked down in surprise before a grin spread over his face; feral, pleased. He shoved it into the other man's grip. "For you."

Giles was concentrating on Jake's midsection. Kick the ribs, the kidney, the pelvic bone, the ribs again and again. He thought he might be having far too good a time. "Have you ever loved someone?" he asked conversationally, "More than you love yourself or your life or your home or job? Have you ever seen them feel completely helpless? Have you ever seen them feel like they deserved what men like you," he enunciated with another sharp jab to the already broken ribs, "Did to them?"

Jake coughed; blood splattered against the pavement.

Oz and Xander exchanged a cautious look. Neither man was apparently doing well. At best, they were experiencing several broken bones each, at worst, they could die. Xander cleared his throat. "Uh, Giles?"

Giles ignored him, aiming a kick at Jake's skull. Xander was alarmed. "Giles!"

Finally the Watcher looked up with a dark gleam in his eye, and then back down at the terrified man on the ground. Giles, breathing heavily, stepped away and turned to Angel.

Angel was breaking his bones one my one, experience with that sort of torture finally being allowed to rule his mind. His demon raged because, although it was very close to breaking free, Angel was tempting it with something it had not had in so long. Angel let a laugh go and realized a moment later that Giles was speaking his name.

"Angel," Giles said again calmly.

Angel's eyes burned as he let Andy slide to the ground and begin shuddering. "Yeah," he said roughly, recognizing the cautious order.

They had gotten the point across. It wasn't something that needed to be done after Buffy had seen them, but they had still done it. And... Still enjoyed it.

The group of four, falling silent in the night, walked away, two of them nursing sore body parts. Angel would heal quickly, Giles would not, but nothing mattered except the fear that had drifted into the air, the fear of those they were paying back for a crime more brutal than taking a life-- The murder of innocence.

So the silence reigned, and the men went their separate ways.

Oz looked at Xander sideways as they loaded into his van. "So, you know what he was going to do, don't you?"

"Deadboy?" Xander asked. "Yeah, it was pretty obvious. Anyone with half a mind would have been able to see it when he looked up from beating on that guy. It was one of the only times I didn't mind seeing him in full vampire form. In fact, I kind of dug it, you know? Not that I'd want to trade places."

"Yeah," Oz said mildly. "Think Giles knew?" He started up the van; they began driving.

"I'm pretty sure," Xander started thoughtfully, "That Giles knows way more things like that than any of us give him credit for."

Angel didn't even like the pretense of leaving. He was almost certain that the others knew he was going to come back, anyway. But, in honor of keeping up appearances, he left, and quickly doubled back as soon as Giles and Xander and Oz were out of sight.

Andy and Jake still lied on the pavement, bleeding, a hoarse weeping and whimpering escaping their mouths. Blood occasionally bubbled out of a cut or a cough. And Angel wasn't tempted to drink.

Because how could he drink that blood? The blood of the men who had caused all of this was bound to be vile, and Angel, vampire though he was, wanted absolutely nothing to do with it.

Instead, he lifted them until they were sitting up. He carefully looked in Andy's eyes and then into Jake's. He wondered for a moment too brief to time. He placed his hands on their chins.

And he calmly snapped their necks.

Then he walked away without having spoken a single word.

Buffy was asleep, and so was Cordelia. Angel didn't want to disturb either of them, but he slipped in the window anyway, silently. He walked over to the bed and looked down at Buffy for a long time, sitting on the mattress. He surreptitiously wiped his hands on his coat, not wanting to sully her skin with any of the blood or grime that came from that fight.

And he touched her hair, her lips, her eyelids as they fluttered.

Angel pressed his mouth to hers in a tender kiss. He was two-hundred and forty-five years old. She was going to be nineteen in three days. And yet he loved her, as quietly as he could and more than he was allowed to.

And he watched her sleep.

"Heart cries, "No, I have not a crumb of comfort, not a grain; Time but can make her beauty over again; Because of that great nobleness of hers The fire that stirs around her, when she stirs, Burns but more clearly. O she had not these ways When all the wild summer was in her gaze."
- W.B Yeats

*

Cordelia woke abruptly at an hour before sunrise. Angel glanced up from looking down at Buffy for just a moment before his eyes moved swiftly back to their target. Cordelia sat up, stretching like a cat in the sun. She yawned.

"How'd things go?" she whispered.

Angel didn't look up from Buffy's sleeping face. He slowly let his hand slip into the silk of her hair. "Just as they were supposed to," he murmured softly, as to not disturb Buffy.

Cordelia arched her eyebrows. "Kill them?"

This time Angel did look up again, his eyes meeting with hers briefly. "Things went as they were supposed to," he repeated quietly, and Cordelia nodded with a sudden silent understanding. The kind of understanding that no one was ever supposed to really understand, the kind that no one was *ever* supposed to speak about. And for once, she obeyed the unspoken rules out of respect for her friends.

Cordelia stood wordlessly, flashing Angel a tired smile, and gathered her shoes and her purse. "Why don't you stay the rest of the night?" she suggested softly. "I'm sure Buffy wouldn't mind. Anyway, I need to call Xander. He likes it when I annoy him by waking him up at ungodly hours," she grinned.

Angel nodded, a slight smile lifting his lips as he stretched out on the warm place in the bed, the place Cordelia had occupied not minutes before. Gathering Buffy in his arms as comfortably as possible, he glanced at Cordelia, relaying his thanks through his eyes.

Cordelia smiled again and walked over to the window, pulling the shade down as an afterthought. She smirked at Angel for not having thought of it, and then made her way out of the room.

Buffy mumbled something in her sleep, then went about gnashing her teeth. Angel grinned for a moment at the innocent and slumbering gesture, and then smoothed her furrowed brow with his fingertip. She fell quiet and still beside him, instinctively curling closer into his arms, though he offered nothing more than a cool embrace.

It didn't matter; she huddled as close as she could get.

Buffy's eyes fluttered open; her bright, soft gaze landed on Angel, who was asleep and holding her tightly. She reached up and kissed his chin lightly, and smiled when he opened his eyes to look at her.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey." His mouth curved up. "How did you sleep?"

Her eyes shone as she looked up at his face. "Really well, actually. I feel pretty good."

He kissed her hair. "I'm glad for that."

Buffy pulled out of his arms to sit up on the bed and stretch. She looked at him knowingly. "So, what did you do last night?"

Angel seemed startled but, as he caught her gaze, his eyes softened and he shrugged. "Little of this, little of that," he said, donning his cryptic man act. Buffy laughed lightly, standing and walking to her closet.

"Why are you getting up?" he asked, "It's not even seven yet."

"I know," Buffy mumbled, pulling out some clothes and beginning to get dressed, "But, school, remember?"

"Oh, you're not on that... break thing?"

Buffy smirked. "We've been back in college since the day after New Year's. Get up with the program, Vampire Man." She slipped on a new shirt and wiggled into a flouncy skirt. Angel watched her as she dressed and raised his eyebrows as he contemplated her choice of clothes. She looked at him. "What?"

"You just... Haven't been wearing clothes like that, in a long while," he said softly.

She grinned at him; winked. "Well, I'm feeling fashionable today."

Angel let himself laugh; an open, almost boyish sound. "You look good," he murmured, drinking in her appearance.

Buffy twirled for him, her skirt flaring out as she spun. Angel let his eyes wander up her long, tan legs. "I feel good," she bubbled. "Really, really good." Walking over to him, she sat down next to him on the mattress, taking his hands in hers. She kissed his knuckles, knuckles that weren't entirely healed from his fight the night before. Her eyes met his, and they shared secrets in the silent gaze. "For the first time in a long time," she whispered.

He lifted her hands in return and kissed the backs of her wrists. "Again, I can say I'm glad. You give me a lot to be thankful for, Buffy."

Her eyes dipped and she smiled, leaning up to kiss him tenderly. "So do you. For me, I mean." Standing, she started gathering her things for school. "Listen, come by Giles's tonight, okay? I need to talk to both of you."

He nodded. "Anything important?"

"Yeah, but not in the bad way," she said, smiling. "You can get home through the basement of the dorm? Or you could stay here, if you like."

"Either way," he said with a grin. "I might just stay because I'm obsessive in that way."

Buffy laughed. "Well, if my roommate comes back from her sabbatical to Hell," she said, referring to her decidedly odd dorm mate, "Just don't let her get a hold of any sharp wooden things. *And* don't let her find out that you're a.... Anyway, if she does, no doubt she'd be wanting you to give her some major hickeys, and, as the girlfriend, I can say that I'm definitely not okay with that."

Angel laughed again, nodding. "You got it."

She leaned down for another kiss, then started for the door. "I love you."

He watched her step out, his eyes soft and velvet at her words. As she closed the door behind her, he called out, "I love you too!", and he could hear her smile.

Willow gripped Oz's hand tightly. She leaned against him as they made their way through the halls. "How was it?" she murmured quietly.

Oz lifted his shoulders. "Your location spell worked, if that's what you're asking."

Willow smirked playfully. "It's not what I'm asking, and you know it. I'm asking how it went, over all."

Oz nodded. "It went fine. I have a feeling they won't be bothering any other girls from now on, even though I didn't really get into the mix. Neither did Xander."

"Yeah," Willow said brightly, "But you helped, a lot! I know that you did! My location spell only could take you within fifty feet. I'm sure you... sniffed them out or something."

"A little," he conceded. "Xander was a help too. But you really should have seen Giles and Angel. They sort of went nuts."

"They did?" she asked, her brow furrowed. "I guess that makes sense... You know, Angel is her boyfriend and Giles is sort of like her dad. You don't feel bad that you weren't more involved, do you?"

"Not at all," he said easily. "I'm glad it's over, though."

"What are we talking about?" Buffy's voice broke in as she caught up to them in the hall. Willow jolted, but Oz held her hand steady and just smiled. "What's over?" Buffy asked again.

"Break. For the holidays," Oz answered, his mind moving swiftly. Willow smiled at him then and, as much as Oz didn't like to lie, he felt that his words had been worth it.

Buffy nodded curtly, her eyes understanding. Patting Willow on the arm, she leaned closer. "Hey, will you guys come to Giles's apartment tonight? Say, around seven or so? I need to talk to you guys and Giles."

Willow looked at her, concerned, and even Oz looked a little surprised. "Is everything okay, Buffy?" Willow asked hesitantly.

"Yup," she said brightly, "But I'd still like to talk to you."

"Sure thing," Oz said with a smooth smile.

Buffy nodded and disappeared into the crowd, checking her watch and realizing she was late for class.

"Wonder what that was about," Oz said quietly as they watched her go.

Willow smiled slowly, the change in her friend not escaping her. "Does it really matter?"

"Mighty Pizza," Xander intoned, "We can make your pizza mighty quick."

Buffy grinned. "So this is the new job you refused to tell any of us about?"

Xander rolled his eyes. "Is this an emergency that you needed to call me here?" he said playfully.

"Not really. So, I'll have a dozen pepperoni topped pizzas."

"Very funny." He smirked, boxing up a pizza for a customer. "Now, do you mind telling me what's going on? Or are you just wanting to be the sarcastic superhero for a while? 'Cause I can go with that. Especially if you're dressed in something naughty."

"Now now, Xand," she cautioned, "How would Cordelia react if she knew what you just said?"

"How would she find out?" he countered.

"I would tell her," Buffy said smugly.

Xander gave a dramatic sigh. "She'd kill me. How would Angel react if he knew you had flirted back with me?"

"Where would he get that idea?" she asked indignantly.

"I would lie," he laughed. "So, really. What's going on with you?"

"Okay, here's the thing. What time do you get off work?"

"Six, I think," he answered slowly. "Is something wrong?"

"No!" she exclaimed with a giggle. "Why does everyone ask me if something's wrong when I just want to talk to them or something?"

"Because so many things go wrong in this town," he said instantly with a smile.

"I was just wondering if you could come by Giles's apartment tonight at around seven, and clue Cordelia in? I need to talk to you guys." She paused. "There will be food there... Tea and cookies and those weird pastry things that Giles always has."

"I love those pastry things!" he muttered brightly.

"I know. So you'll be there?"

"Count me in." Xander hesitated for a second, looking at the clock on the wall. "But I need to go now. I shouldn't really take this break. This is the only un-supernatural job I've had this year and I really don't want to blow it."

"Yeah. Sorry, Xandman. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Later, Buffgirl."

More

<< back