"Mixed Emotions"
Author: Ashlee
Contact: ashlee_999@hotmail.com
Notes: This is NOT a threesome story. It's a love triangle.
Body Swap
Buffy Summers walked through the front door on Friday afternoon, tossing her keys on the nearby end table.
"Will?" She frowned when her call went unanswered. "William, where are you?"
Buffy wandered through his house, growing a little worried. He had told her he'd be home at this time and to just let herself in. Wandering up the stairs, Buffy checked the rooms and didn't see him anywhere.
Turning around, she went back the way she came and headed for the back door. Walking through the door, Buffy saw him sitting by the pool and approached him. "There you are, I was worried about you."
Will immediately jumped up when he heard his girlfriend behind him. "Sorry, Buffy, I must have lost track of time," he said, coming over to give her a kiss.
William Lawson and Buffy had been dating for the past five months. Will was an English teacher at Sunnydale High, and Buffy was the counselor there. She had started her job at the beginning of the school year and instantly had been attracted to William. He was sensitive and sweet, and when he had finally asked her out after the Christmas break, Buffy had said yes.
Now, as the school year was winding to a close, they saw each other every minute that they could. Buffy knew that he was in love with her, and she felt very strong feelings for him, but she couldn't call it love yet. Will never pushed her to say it. He was simply content that she was with him.
"What are you working on?" Buffy asked, looking at the papers scattered around the table that sat on the deck.
"Just finishing up grading some papers before the last week of school starts."
Buffy nodded and giggled as he bent lower to nibble at her neck. "Come on, Will. You have to work."
"Where's the fun in that?"
"For you?" Buffy asked, trying to suppress a smile. "I'm thinking it's a lot of fun."
Will huffed slightly before smiling at her and turning to sit back down. Buffy stood behind him, rubbing the tense muscles in his back, looking over his shoulder at what he was reading. After a few minutes, she gently ran her fingers through his soft brown curls, continuously smoothing them back, away from his forehead.
"You want me to gel it, Buffy?" Will asked with a grin.
Buffy smiled. "No, I'm just playing. Can I help it if I like to see those beautiful baby blues?" she asked in a teasing tone. Will snaked an arm around her waist, pulling her into his lap to press his lips to hers. Buffy smiled against the kiss before slowly pulling away. She noticed the sun beginning to set and looked at her watch. "Oh, damn it, I'm going to be late!"
She quickly jumped off his lap and straightened her clothes as William looked at her questioningly. "Late for what?"
"I told the girls I'd meet them at the Bronze tonight. That's not a problem, is it? I knew you'd be busy with school stuff."
Will raised an eyebrow at Buffy. "Shouldn't you be busy with 'school stuff' as well?"
"Oh, come on, Will, don't be such a stick in the mud. Everyone deserves a night out, even you."
William had to smile at her hyper attitude. "You stopping by later?"
"If it's not too late," Buffy said, leaning over to give him a kiss on the lips. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"
William nodded, watching as his girlfriend practically bounced off in the direction of the house. He smiled at her exuberant attitude. When they first began dating, William was concerned with their age difference. Seven years wasn't a huge gap, but when the girl in question was 21 at the time, it made him slightly nervous. He couldn't deny his feelings for her though and eventually worked up the nerve to ask her out.
Will had fallen hard for Buffy. He knew that she was a little more cautious about returning his feelings, but he was a patient man. He would wait for her.
Buffy walked into the Bronze an hour later. She had changed into a pair of her black leather pants and a red halter. She knew that she'd see some of the kids from high school here, but she had been one of them a few years ago. Tonight was not a night to be Miss Summers. Tonight, she was just Buffy, and she was looking forward to hanging out with her friends.
Seeing the group sitting at a table in close proximity to the dance floor and the bar, Buffy had to smile as she approached them.
"So, Faith, I see you chose the table," Buffy said with a good-natured grin.
"You know it, B," Faith replied with an answering smile. "Let's get out there and show these tykes how it's done."
Buffy laughed as Faith grabbed her hand and led her out to the dance floor. She gave a quick wave to Willow and Tara as she was dragged away, watching as Faith grabbed two shots off a waitress' tray and handed one to Buffy.
Buffy raised an eyebrow as she looked down at the amber liquid. "Faith, you know I can't hold my alcohol."
"Oh trust me, B, I know. But lucky for us, Willow and Tara are here. You know they'll watch out for us," Faith replied with a wicked smile.
Buffy took a deep breath before tossing the shot back, shaking her head as the liquid burned down her throat. "Blech, okay, no more of that stuff. If you want me to drink, I expect nice fruity drinks with little umbrellas sticking out of the glass."
Faith laughed and nodded as she left the shot glasses on a table, grabbing Buffy's wrist to drag her into the middle of the floor just as a fast song came on.
Two hours later, Buffy sat at the table, laughing with her friends. These nights were becoming more and more rare the older they got, and she loved to cherish each night she was able to spend with her friends.
As Buffy had requested, Faith had gotten her a fruity drink with an umbrella, though it had more alcohol than Buffy would have preferred.
"Whoa," Faith said, letting out a low whistle. "B, when did your guy get so hot?" she asked, looking at the door.
"Will?" Buffy asked her as she turned to the door. Her eyes widened in surprise as she saw him.
'What's he doing here?' she thought to herself. 'And what has he done to his hair?'
"Guys, I'll be right back," Buffy said as she left the table and headed for the door. "Hey," she said in a bright voice as she walked over to him. She watched as he raised an eyebrow at her and smirked but didn't say anything. Buffy reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down for a passionate kiss. She could feel the tension in his muscles relax as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him and grinding his growing erection into her abdomen.
Buffy moaned into his mouth as one of his hands came up to cup the back of her head and hold her in place. She began to feel very lightheaded as his tongue stroked hers, knowing that her legs would have given out if one of his strong arms weren't wrapped around her waist and holding her in place.
Breaking away after a minute, Buffy reached for the lapels of his duster, gasping for breath and looking up at him with lust-filled eyes. "Wow, that was…wow!"
He smiled at her, running his tongue over his bottom lip. "Glad you enjoyed it, pet."
Buffy frowned but didn't say anything about the different accent. "So, what's with the hair color?"
She watched as he looked at her closely. "Just felt like it, I guess."
"And the clothes?"
He smirked at her. "They're kind of essential if I want to go out in public."
Buffy laughed and smacked him on his chest, causing him to wrap his arms around her waist again. "You wanna get out of here, pet?"
"I-I can't," she replied breathlessly as he got within closer proximity to her lips. "I'm here with my friends."
"Can't they find their own way home?" he asked with a smirk before leaning down to claim her lips again.
Buffy pulled away after a few moments. "Give me a minute," she said, walking back over to the table. "Guys, I have a-"
"GO!" they all shouted at her at once. She looked at them in surprise as Faith spoke up.
"B, your boyfriend just turned into a bona fide hottie. Go! We understand, you'll make it up to us."
"Hey!" Buffy cried indignantly. "He was always a hottie!"
"Yeah," Willow said. "In a 'teachery' sort of way, but now he is in a bad boy sort of way."
"Willow!" Buffy exclaimed, shocked at her best friend. "Aren't you a lesbian?"
"I still have eyes, Buffy," Willow said with a sneaky smile that had them all laughing.
"Okay, I will make it up to you," Buffy said, giving them all hugs before turning and heading back to the door.
"Ready, luv?"
"Let's go."
Buffy followed him outside, smiling when he reached back to hold her hand. Getting to the parking lot, Buffy felt herself pulled around and pushed up against a motorcycle as his lips sought to devour hers once again. Buffy moaned as his hands slipped under her shirt to caress her skin, letting her own hands work on a few of the buttons of his shirt, exposing some of his muscular chest to trail her fingertips over it.
Pulling away for air, she gasped as his lips kissed down the length of her throat, pushing himself closer to her, seeking some form of release for all the sexual tension she was causing him.
"Get on," he ground out.
Buffy looked at him in confusion as he gestured to the bike. "Where's the car?"
"What car, luv?"
"Your car," she said, pointing to him.
"Don't have a car, baby. Just the bike."
"What's going on?"
"You sure do ask a lot of questions. What's going on with what?"
"The hair, the clothes, the non-uppity accent, the public groping? Now you're telling me you don't have a car? William, what's with you today?"
She watched as his expression rapidly changed. Starting with bewilderment, an array crossed his face- shock, confusion, then understanding and amusement. "William?"
"Okay, you're acting really wiggy tonight. Maybe I should just talk to you in the morning," she said, turning to head back into the Bronze.
"That would be great, luv, but I don't think you'd be able to find me in the morning," he said with a smirk.
Buffy whirled around to face him. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, pet, the thing of it is, I'm not you're precious William."
Buffy backed away, beginning to get really nervous.
"You are dating him, right? Because knowing the stick that's shoved so far up his ass, he'd never be caught making out with a chit who he wasn't involved with."
"What are you talking about?"
"I see you haven't known him long. I'm his brother."
It was Buffy's turn for the identical expressions to flash across her face as she realized what had just happened.
"Twins…just in case you haven't processed that thought," he said in amusement. "I'm Spike, by the way," he said, holding out his hand. "I realize, considering we were about to shag in the parking lot, it's a little peculiar to be shaking hands, but it feels like the right thing to do." He watched as Buffy shook his hand, her mouth still slightly open. "Sorry to be such a shock to you, luv. How long have you and dear Willie been seeing each other?"
"Five months," she whispered, furrowing her brow as she stared down at the cement of the parking lot.
Spike whistled. "Five months, and he never told you about me? Well, can't say that surprises me. I've always been the rebel of the family. The black sheep, if you will." He continued watching her as she still seemed to be coming to grips with the turn of events. "Do you have a name, pet?"
"Buffy," she said, shaking her head to clear it. "Buffy Summers."
"Well, Buffy Summers, it's nice to meet you."
"I'm sorry. Do you think you could take me to William's?"
"My pleasure, luv."
Insecurity
Buffy stood in front of William's front door later that night, incessantly ringing the doorbell. Spike stood next to her, leaning against the side of the house and smirking at the feisty woman in front of him.
"Maybe he's not home, pet."
"He's home," Buffy growled. "And what's with the nicknames?"
"Just the way I talk. You didn't seem to take issue with it earlier tonight," Spike said with a raised eyebrow.
Buffy felt the flush rise up to her cheeks as the door opened.
"Buffy, you're here early-"
"Why the hell didn't you tell me you had a brother?" Buffy cried in exasperation.
William stood frozen, gripping the doorknob as he stared at his girlfriend. "How did you-"
He stopped when his mirror image stepped in front of him. "What are you doing here?"
"He brought me home," Buffy said matter-of-factly, crossing her arms over her chest.
"And why did he do that?"
"Case of mistaken identity, big brother," Spike said with a smirk. "Seems you forgot to tell your little wifey here that there are two of you."
"There's not two of me. You and I are relatives, that's all."
"And excuse me, but I'm not some 'little wifey'," Buffy said, turning to face Spike.
"What do you mean 'mistaken identity'?"
William's question was directed at Buffy, but it was Spike who answered with a wide smile. "Seems your girl got excited when she thought you had a makeover."
"Shut up, Spike," Buffy said in a warning tone.
"Couldn't keep her hands off me."
Buffy looked at him disbelievingly before her expression turned angry. "You're a pig, Spike."
William stood in shock for a moment before grabbing Buffy's arm. "We need to talk," he said, leading her into the kitchen. "What did he mean you couldn't keep your hands off him? You actually like that look?"
"Oh no, you're not going to turn this around on me," Buffy said, shaking her head. "If you had told me you had an identical twin walking around, none of this would have happened."
"It never came up," William said, looking down at the floor guiltily.
"Oh, I'm sorry, you're right," Buffy said sarcastically. "I ask all the men I go out with if they have a doppelganger out in the world somewhere."
"Did you kiss him?"
"Will, this isn't the-"
"Did you?"
Buffy's face softened as she looked into his shining eyes. "I thought he was you," she said softly.
"And when you found out the truth?"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Buffy yelled, her anger coming back immediately at the implied accusation.
"I think you know."
Buffy couldn't believe it. William had never acted jealous or accused her of anything in all the months they had been together. Now, because she made an honest mistake, he thought she would willingly partake in cheating on him. With one final look, Buffy turned and walked out of the kitchen.
"Where are you going?" William asked, chasing after her.
Buffy saw Spike standing there with a serious expression. He gave her a compassionate look before she turned around to face his brother. "I'm leaving! I'm not going to stand around while you accuse me of doing something that I didn't do."
Buffy wrenched the door open as she felt a hand on her arm. Looking up, she met Spike's eyes instead of William's. "You shouldn't walk home alone, pet. It's not safe."
"I'll be fine," she said. Confused at the sudden shift in the brother's roles, she turned and walked out of the house.
"Don't leave like this, Buffy," William called from behind her. "I'm sorry, alright?"
Buffy turned to face him, staring into his open face, and felt her resolve slowly start to crumble. "Call me in a few days."
It was her form of a peace offering, and he knew it. William nodded and watched her walk away until she was out of his sight. Closing the door, he slowly leaned his head against the sturdy wood and shut his eyes.
"You really bollocksed this up, didn't you, mate?"
William turned to face his brother. He had forgotten he was there for the time being, but now, as he looked at him, he felt all his anger coming back. "What did you do with her?"
Spike held up his hands in surrender. "Relax, mate," he said as he walked over to sit on the couch. Pulling out a cigarette, he ignored his brother's irritated look as he lit it. Exhaling deeply, Spike continued, "I walk into a club tonight, and all of a sudden, this beautiful girl starts kissing me. What was I supposed to do?"
"That didn't strike you as a little out of the ordinary?" Will asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
"For me?" Spike asked with a smirk. "Not really."
"And then?"
"Look, I know what you're getting at, and as soon as I realized she thought I was you, I told her who I was. I stopped, alright? You should really have some faith in your girl, mate."
"Don't tell me what I should or shouldn't have," William said in a warning tone. It was the same tone that had always told Spike when to back off when they were growing up. Both men were strong, and Spike could easily take William in a fight, but if he was mad enough, Will could get in some good hits.
"Just trying to help, Will," Spike said, softening his tone slightly.
"I know…what are you doing here, anyway?"
"What? I can't pay my brother a visit once in a while?" At William's skeptical look, Spike continued, "Alright, I need a place to stay for a while."
"You lost another job again, didn't you?"
"I didn't lose anything," Spike said angrily as he stood up. "It was my call, I left."
William sighed. "Fine, you can stay here, but if it's longer than a few weeks, you're paying rent."
"It's a deal, mate."
Buffy walked into her apartment later that night, closing the door with a sigh. She really didn't have a right to feel mad at William. She knew that she would have asked the same question if the situation had been reversed. She was a little annoyed that he had neglected to tell her that he had a twin brother, but she could even overlook that.
What Buffy couldn't ignore was the guilt that was nagging at her. She cared for William, she had since they began dating. Tonight, she had gotten so excited because, for the first time, when she kissed him, she felt a fire erupt in her. Only it wasn't him…it was Spike.
Buffy slid down the door, clutching her legs as she rested her chin on her knees.
"It's not fair," she mumbled to herself. "I have a great guy, and I'm having lusty wrong feelings about his brother. Who's probably a jerk and uses women by the truckload," she added as an afterthought. "Right, so there's really no contest. I care about William, he cares about me. No problem at all."
Then why did she feel butterflies when she thought of Spike?
Double Trouble
Buffy walked into her office early Monday morning. She flipped on lights as she walked, tossing her purse down on her desk. Buffy gasped as she saw a figure standing in the corner. Breathing heavily as she put her hand over her heart, Buffy stared at the man in her office. "William?"
"It's me, Buffy," Will said quietly, stepping out of the shadows.
Buffy looked at him in confusion. "What happened to you?"
"You don't like it?"
Buffy looked at her boyfriend. His khakis and blue dress shirt were replaced with a pair of black dress pants and a black shirt. Though his glasses were still in place, his previously curly brown hair was now slicked back. Buffy took a step forward, reaching out to touch his hair.
"Why'd you do this?"
Will shrugged. "Just ready for a change, that's all."
Buffy didn't say anything, but it was obvious he was trying to look more like his brother.
"Do you like it?"
'Hell yeah...bad Buffy!'
"You look good," Buffy said with a nod. 'Edible,' she thought, trying to restrain herself from licking her lips. 'Bad brain,' Buffy thought, giving herself a mental slap.
"I really am sorry about what I said the other night, Buffy," William said as he crossed the room to pull her into his arms. "You know I was just upset, don't you?"
Buffy nodded, gently tracing the lines of his muscular biceps through the material of his shirt. "I shouldn't have walked out like that. It was just a lot to process."
"I know. I should have told you about Spike. He has this tendency of showing up when you least expect him to."
Buffy smiled, trying to fight the blush she felt creeping into her cheeks at the mention of Spike. When she knew it was impossible, Buffy stood on her tiptoes to press her lips to William's. Wrapping her hands around his neck, Buffy deepened the kiss trying to feel the amount of passion that she felt the other night. Guilt immediately overwhelmed her as she realized what she was doing, but she tried to ignore it as her tongue stroked against his.
Pulling away after a moment, William leaned his forehead against Buffy's. "Wow," he whispered, breathing heavily.
"Yeah," Buffy said in agreement, pushing down that nagging little voice in her head that was trying to remind her of a different kiss with a different man.
"I better get to my classroom," William said, pulling away from Buffy. "Can I take you to dinner tonight?"
"Sure," Buffy said with a smile.
Buffy sat through dinner that night, making pleasant conversation with William. He had really pulled out all the stops, trying to make up for what he said to her the other night. They had left early to drive to a four -star restaurant in Los Angeles, complete with dancing.
William held her tenderly in his arms as they swayed to the music. Buffy tried to lose herself in the music as she felt his arms tighten around her waist.
"I love you."
The whispered admission was so quiet, Buffy thought she had imagined it. When she pulled away from him slightly to look in his eyes, she saw it was very real. It was only the second time Will had told her that, and Buffy felt panic at the idea that he may want her to return the sentiment.
"It's okay, Buffy. You don't have to say it, I just wanted you to know," Will said softly before bending his head for his lips to claim hers in a soft kiss. Pulling away from her, Will noticed that she was looking more tired. "You ready to go, Buffy?"
She seemed to think about her answer for a minute before giving him a slight nod.
On the way to the car, Buffy stopped and pulled William into a tight hug. "Thank you," she whispered into the sleeve of his coat as they held each other. "I can't believe you went to this much trouble for me…and on a school night," she added with a laugh.
"You're worth it," he murmured into her hair as he breathed in the vanilla scent that seemed to waft around him.
When they got back to Sunnydale, Buffy was nearly asleep when she heard Will's voice. "Stay with me."
Her eyes flew open as she looked over at him. "What?"
"Stay the night…please," he added with a hopeful tone in his voice.
"Will, I don't have any clothes. We've got school in the morning."
"I'll take you to your place first thing in the morning. I just want to be close to you tonight," he said as he reached for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"Okay," Buffy agreed softly. "I'll stay."
Hours later, Buffy sat with a mug of hot chocolate at the kitchen island. William had been asleep for a while, and Buffy hadn't even been able to close her eyes. She stared at the floating marshmallows that swirled in her cup as she restlessly kicked her legs against the side of the stool.
Hearing a noise, Buffy snapped her head toward the doorway, her mouth dropping open when she saw Spike standing there.
"What are you doing here?" they both asked simultaneously.
Buffy was the first to answer. "Will wanted me to stay the night."
Spike looked her up and down, taking in the boxers that were obviously his brother's, and the t-shirt that was too large for her tiny frame. He felt his jaw clench at the images that seemed to flood his brain.
"What about you?" he heard her ask.
"I live here now," Spike said calmly. He watched in amusement as Buffy's eyes widened to almost double their size as she stared at him.
"What?"
"Yep," Spike said, taking off his duster and plopping down on the stool across from her. "Needed a place to crash for a while. Willie's helpin' me out," he continued as he reached across to grab the mug from her hands, taking a large swallow and putting it back in front of her. He watched as the different emotions seemed to play out on her face. "What's the matter, luv? Don't trust yourself when you're around me?" he asked with a smile playing on his lips.
'Exactly!'
"Of course not," she said to him. "I'm dating your twin brother. I've got the original."
Spike smirked at the sassy attitude. "He's not the original, pet. He was just first. Five minutes later, I came along, and nothing was ever the same."
"Now that I believe."
After a moment, Spike's smile faded as he stared down at the tile. "Why him, Buffy?"
Buffy looked up, shocked at the question. "Why not him?"
"That's not exactly an answer," Spike said seriously with a raised eyebrow.
Buffy sighed. "He's nice. He treats me well. What more can I ask for?"
"Maybe what you thought you had with him the other night?"
Buffy felt her mouth go dry as she looked into his solemn face. "Just a case of mistaken identity," she said, averting her eyes.
"So, you're telling me that you and my brother have always had that kind of passion?"
"That's a personal question," Buffy replied, looking up at him with a glare.
"Doesn't stop you from answering it, luv."
"He loves me. Why's it so hard to believe that we wouldn't have passion?"
"Because I know him, pet. And based on the other night, I know you pretty well, too. He's not exactly a 'seize the moment' type of guy. He lost his virginity when he was a senior in college to a woman who couldn't have given a rat's ass about him. He was nothing to her, and afterwards, she told him to get out of her room. That he was beneath her."
Buffy felt her heart ache for William as she looked down at her hands. She could strangle that woman for hurting someone with a heart like his. "That still doesn't tell me why you think Will and I have nothing together."
"Because he doesn't open up, Buffy."
"And you do?" she asked skeptically.
Spike shrugged as got up to get a beer out of the refrigerator. "I'm not saying I share my feelings with every person I come in contact with, but I do live in the now. Which is more than I can say for my brother."
"He's happy," Buffy said quietly.
"He's happiest when things are uninteresting. That's why he doesn't like me," Spike said with a smirk as he took a swallow of beer.
"Are you saying I'm boring?" Buffy asked angrily, standing up.
Spike advanced on her, and Buffy could feel her heartbeat speed up as he got closer. When she was successfully backed into a wall, Spike let his eyes trail over her body. "I don't think you could ever be boring, luv," he said in a husky voice.
She watched as his lips descended to hers, coming to her senses and turning her head just as they made contact. Spike pulled away, confused, as he looked down at her.
"We can't do this, Spike. It's not right."
"Sometimes it's more fun to do the wrong thing," Spike said softly as he played with her hair.
"You just told me about how Will got his heart broken. I'm not going to treat him like that. I care too much about him to intentionally hurt him."
Spike took a step back, studying her for a minute as he bit his lip. "Good answer, luv," he said as he turned and walked out of the kitchen.
Once Spike was alone in his room, he felt his courage leave him as he banged his head against the door. "Bloody hell, what's she doing to me?"
Fighting
The next night, Buffy and William sat cuddling together on his couch. Buffy had tried to talk him into coming to her place, but he had resisted. She had only agreed to come over and watch movies when she knew that Spike wouldn't be there.
This delighted William since he assumed she didn't want to see Spike because she was angry at him. In fact, Buffy had a much different reason for not wanting to see him, but she kept that to herself. She hadn't even told her friends yet since she still wasn't used to the idea herself.
She had told her friends about the mistaken identity the other night at the Bronze. Willow and Tara had listened sympathetically while Faith had laughed so hard, she almost started hyperventilating.
"I should probably get going," Buffy mumbled as she began to untangle herself from William. Before she could comprehend what was happening, she found herself pinned to the couch as Will began passionately kissing her. She tried to keep up with his eager pace, but she soon found herself struggling to breathe. Buffy didn't know what brought on this change in Will's attitude, but she wasn't sure she liked it. William pulled back just as Buffy was about to shove him away. She didn't know why he stopped, but she didn't care either as she lay on the couch, gasping for air.
She saw Will's gaze go to the archway that led to the front door and turned to look. It was then that she saw Spike standing there.
"Don't let me interrupt," Spike said with a glare. "I just forgot something in my room," he continued as he walked to the stairs.
Buffy looked at William as Spike disappeared. "What the hell was that?"
"A kiss, Buffy. We've done it before."
"Not with you practically molesting me, we haven't," Buffy said angrily.
"So, it's a crime to want to kiss my girlfriend?"
"No, of course…" Buffy trailed off as comprehension settled on her face. "You knew."
"Knew what?"
"You knew Spike was about to walk in, didn't you?"
"What are you going on about, Buffy?"
Buffy jumped up from the couch, walking to the door as Will followed her. "What? Were you just trying to mark your territory?" she cried angrily, pulling the door open. She paused as she walked out into the night air before common sense got the best of her. Turning and slowly walking back to William, she said, "I know what you're thinking, but Will…I'm with you," she said softly. "You don't have to prove anything to me, okay?"
"I don't want to mess this up, Buffy," he said quietly.
"Then don't change your attitude towards me. Just treat me the way you always have and stop worrying about your brother. I'm sorry I kissed him. You have no idea how sorry I am, but it never would have happened if I'd known about him." Buffy stood on her tiptoes and planted a gentle kiss on his lips. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"At least let me drive you home," he said.
"Will, we go through this every time I leave. I'll be fine. I like to walk."
William nodded as he watched her walk down the front path. Turning at the end of the driveway, Buffy gave him a wave. She sighed as she got out of his range of vision. She hadn't lied to William- she was sorry that she'd kissed Spike because it made her question everything she'd found comfortable. At the same time, she wouldn't take it back for anything in the world.
Without another thought, Buffy grabbed her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed Faith's number.
"Hello!" Faith shouted over some loud music.
"Faith, where are you?"
"The Bronze!"
"I'm going to stop by. I think I need some time away from everything."
"On a school night, Miss Summers?" Faith said in a teasing tone. "Why, whatever would your boyfriend say?"
"Faith, give it a rest. I'll be there in ten."
"I'll be here."
Buffy walked into the club a few minutes later, scanning the area for her friend.
"Hey, B!" Faith called out to her from her position, sitting on one of the pool tables. Buffy waved and walked over to her. "Love the outfit, Summers," Faith said as Buffy got closer.
Looking down at her jeans and black tank top, Buffy shrugged. "I was planning on watching movies, not going clubbing."
Faith hopped down from her spot on the pool table and walked over to a man playing pool. "Buffy Summers, meet Xander Harris."
Buffy shook Xander's hand, smiling at him.
"Buffy Summers? Yeah, I've heard about you," he said.
"Good things, I hope," Buffy said, shooting a glance at Faith.
Faith shrugged, looking at Xander. "No, it wasn't from Faith."
"Who then?"
"Him," Xander said, gesturing to the door as he went back to sink a ball.
Buffy turned around and groaned when she saw Spike walking towards her. She saw him falter slightly when he made eye contact with her, but he kept walking.
"Summers," he said with a slight nod in her direction. "Sorry I'm late, Harris. The brother felt the need to start an argument before I left."
Buffy frowned but ignored it. "You two know each other?" Buffy asked, looking from Xander to Spike.
"Since high school," Spike said, never looking at her as he lit a cigarette. "Rack 'em, Harris."
Faith grabbed Buffy's arm and pulled her closer to the bar, sitting down on one of the stools. "So, what's with the big emergency?"
"No emergency. I just wanted to get out for a night, you know how it is."
Faith nodded but looked at Buffy skeptically. "So, what do you think of Xander?"
"Seems like a nice enough guy," Buffy said with a shrug. "Don't tell me it's serious?"
"Not yet," Faith said, looking slightly nervous.
"You're kidding!" Buffy said excitedly. "Faith Wilkins is thinking about a monogamous relationship?"
"Keep it down, B. It's not public knowledge yet."
"Well, I'm happy for you."
"Thanks," Faith said quietly.
"So you know Spike?" Buffy asked, trying to seem nonchalant about it.
"We met last night. Xander introduced us." Buffy nodded as Faith looked at her in sudden understanding. "Oh my God! You have the hots for him," she said quietly.
"Faith, of course I don't! I have Will."
"Just because you have a man, doesn't mean you can't lust after another. Especially one that you shared a wicked kiss with the other night," Faith said with a devilish smile.
Buffy looked at the bar surface and sighed. "Promise you won't tell anyone?"
"Cross my heart," Faith said seriously.
"I-I've been having these feelings," Buffy said quietly. "And they started because of that kiss."
"You want Spike," Faith replied calmly.
Buffy sighed again and nodded. "Sometimes. But then other times, I just want it to be the way it was between me and William."
"The way it was? What's going on?"
"He's just…Will's just getting more possessive, which I can totally understand why…but he's just acting so funny. His attitude is changing, his actions are changing."
"Like what?"
"Like tonight…I think he knew Spike was about to walk in, and he practically threw me down on the couch and started kissing me."
"Kinky," Faith said with a smile. "And you didn't like it?"
"It just wasn't like him."
"But if a blonder version of him had done that, you wouldn't be complaining?"
Buffy didn't say anything for a moment as she stared at the bar. "I just care about William so much," she whispered.
Faith rubbed Buffy's back, letting go of her false bravado for a minute as she comforted her friend. "You can't help how you feel, Buff."
"But I can help what I do."
"Yeah…but do you want to?"
Buffy seemed to think about it for a minute before looking at Faith. "I can't hurt him, Faith. I can't risk getting rid of someone who loves me for what could only turn out to be a fling. Am I just being selfish?"
Faith looked at Buffy sadly. "Not for me to say, B."
Buffy turned around and saw Spike watching her. She felt the unfamiliar tingling go up her spine before he looked away.
"Maybe you should talk to him," Faith said quietly. "What if he doesn't want a fling?"
Buffy watched as a girl approached Spike, leaning forward to whisper something in his ear. He shot Buffy a look before snaking an arm around her waist and leading her to the dance floor.
Faith caught Buffy's despondent look and threw an arm around her shoulders. "You want to go somewhere else?"
"No," Buffy said, shaking her head. "I think I'm just gonna head home."
"You sure?"
"Yeah," Buffy said, offering her friend a small smile. She passed by the pool table on her way to the door. "It was nice to meet you, Xander."
"You too, Buffster. Don't be a stranger, okay?" he said with a friendly smile as Buffy nodded.
"Bye, Faith. Thanks for listening."
"No problem, Buff."
Buffy headed to the door of the Bronze, pausing with one hand on the door and the other holding the frame. Turning, she let herself look once more at Spike before walking out of the club.
Doppleganger
Spike wandered over to join his friend when the song ended. Subtly looking around the interior of the club, trying to see where Buffy was, he heard Faith's voice next to him.
"She's not here."
Turning around, he gave her a quizzical look. "Where'd she go?" he asked, trying to act as if he didn't care.
"She decided to walk home. Didn't feel like hangin' around," Faith said with a smile. She was able to see right through this man. The tough guy exterior was just a façade. Inside, she knew he was probably similar to his brother; therefore, still good enough for her friend.
Faith liked William, she really did, but she didn't think he fit with Buffy. He needed someone a little more outgoing to really draw him out of his shell. Since Buffy needed the same thing, Spike seemed to be the perfect man for the job.
"You know," Faith said as she swigged on her beer bottle. "She lives kinda far away. I mean, it's practically on the other side of town. Sure isn't safe walking home at this time of night," Faith said with a shake of her head. She had to suppress a smile as Spike looked at the door. "She's probably only a block away right now," she continued with an innocent expression.
"Well, I was thinkin' about takin' off anyway. I s'pose I could see if she needs a lift."
"Yeah, you should do that," Faith agreed with a nod.
Spike said his good-byes and bolted for the door.
"You're evil," Xander said with a smile as he came up to stand next to Faith.
"I am, aren't I?" Faith said with a smile. "Got the job done though, didn't I?"
"Only one little problem," Xander said, looking over at her. "What about Will? He's been my friend for as long as Spike, and if this pans out the way you're hoping, he's going to end up hurt."
"We'll see."
Buffy heard a motorcycle approaching but decided to ignore it. She felt her heart begin to beat more rapidly when she heard it slowing down. Turning around, Buffy saw Spike get off the bike and walk toward her.
"What are you doing?"
"Came to offer you a ride, pet."
"You followed me?"
"No, of course not. I just…I, uh,…I was leaving, and Faith mentioned you were walking so I...bloody hell, do you want a lift or not?"
Buffy had to smile at his exasperated tone of voice. "It does sound better than walking for an hour."
"Hop on," Spike said, walking over to the motorcycle and flipping a leg over the side.
Buffy followed and took the spot behind him, hesitating before she wrapped her arms around his waist. Spike smiled as he restarted the bike before pulling away from the curb.
Buffy gave him directions to her place, and they were there before she knew it. When the bike came to a stop several minutes later, Buffy slowly removed her arms from his lean torso and smiled when he dismounted to offer her a hand.
"What a gentleman."
Spike scoffed at her description, but she could see the smile playing on his lips.
"So…would you want to come up? For hot chocolate or something, not…"
Spike smiled as he watched the blush rise in her cheeks. Tilting her eyes up to his, he nodded. "That would be nice, luv."
A few minutes later, they were sitting in the kitchen of her apartment, asking questions about each other. Spike was doing most of the asking since Buffy knew a lot of Spike's family history through William. It seems the only thing he left out about his family was the fact that he had a twin.
"There's not a third one out there of you, is there?"
Spike laughed at the question. "Why? Would that be too much for you, pet?"
Buffy blushed but smiled at the comment. "I just wouldn't want to make the same mix-up that I made when I met you."
Spike had to smile since she said 'mix-up' instead of 'mistake.'
"There's only Will and me, Summers. What about you?"
"My family?" Buffy asked as she poured the mugs of hot chocolate, throwing a handful of marshmallows into each. "Pretty short story. My dad left us about seven years ago. He lives in L.A., and we never see him. Mom moved to Sunnydale with my sister and me."
Buffy handed him the steaming mug as she finished her story. "You have a sister?"
"No ideas, buddy! She's still in high school," Buffy said, pointing a finger at him.
Spike laughed and held up his hands in surrender. "Furthest thing from my mind, pet. I promise."
"Good," Buffy said with a smile. "Anyway, yeah, I have a sister. She and mom live a few miles away. I decided to move out at the first of the year, what with pretending to be a grown-up and all."
"Pretending?"
"You know what I mean."
"Alright, onto more grown-up topics then. Sexual history?"
Buffy looked at him for a moment. "You first," she said in a challenging voice.
"Too many to count, luv." At Buffy's look, he continued, "I'm kidding. One in high school- we broke up when she went to college. Two in college that never really amounted to anything. One serious relationship for several years, but ultimately, nothing you'd wanna build a future on. And when we broke up over a year ago, there's been a few one-night stands."
Buffy sat listening, hating herself for feeling jealous of these women and berating herself for thinking about Spike in a sexual context when she was dating his brother.
"Your turn, luv."
"Not much to tell," Buffy said with a shrug as she got up to take her mug to the sink. "There was a guy when I was in high school. He was…older, and we…well, I thought we made love."
"You didn't?"
"From my point of view," Buffy said with a shrug. "He obviously didn't feel the same way. The morning after experience wasn't the best," she said with a sad smile. "I went off to college over a year later and met a guy. You know what they say…history repeats."
Spike felt anger go through him at the way she had been used by men in the past. In some ways, he was glad that she was with his brother. At least Spike knew Will wouldn't do the same thing. "Is that it then?"
"Um…another guy in college. Nice Iowa farm boy. We had it good for about a year, but he decided to see what else was out there. That was about two years ago."
"And then Will," Spike said softly, watching as Buffy bit her lip and turned away from him. Spike stood up and walked over to lean against the sink. "Do you love him?"
"He loves me," Buffy said quietly.
"And when that's not enough…what happens?"
"I don't know," she whispered softly.
"What about me?" Spike murmured in her ear, enjoying the shiver that went down her spine. He was surprised when Buffy whirled around to face him.
"What is this to you?" Buffy asked, gesturing between the two of them. "Is this just some bizarre competition? You swoop into town, spook your brother and make him act all strange, and try and get me all confused?"
"I didn't come here to steal his girl, if that's what you're asking me, Buffy."
"Then why are you here?"
"I needed a place to stay-"
"No! Here!" she cried, gesturing around her kitchen.
"Because I can't get you out of my soddin' mind!"
Buffy froze at the admission.
"Bloody hell," Spike muttered as he looked at the floor. "What did you mean, he's acting all strange?" he asked, trying to change the subject.
"Spike-"
"Buffy, I don't want to hear another word about it, alright? There's nothing to discuss, just tell me what you meant about Will changing."
Buffy swallowed hard, trying to forget what he'd said. "You haven't noticed?"
"The clothes, the hair, yeah, but nothing out of the ordinary about how he's acting."
"So walking in on us tonight, you didn't think it was a little weird?"
"For my brother to be making out with a girl on the couch, yeah. Except you're his girlfriend, pet."
"Spike, he's never acted like that before."
"Like what?"
"Forceful."
"Are you saying he was going to-"
"NO!" Buffy said quickly, vigorously shaking her head. "No, he'd never do that, but it was unnerving for him to be acting so…"
Spike looked at her for a minute before responding. "Do you want me to talk to him?"
"No," Buffy said. "I don't want to be responsible for a fight between you two."
"Too late," he muttered.
"What?"
"Nothing, pet," he said quickly.
Buffy watched him for a minute before taking a step closer to him. "Spike, what happened?"
"We just got into a fight, Buffy, it was nothing. It's what brothers do."
"Was it about me?"
"That's not important?"
"Was it?"
"Yes," he admitted quietly.
"Did you hit him?" she asked softly.
"He hit me first, luv."
"Spike-"
"Buffy, he's fine! He's probably just got a nice shiner now, is all. Don't worry that pretty little head about it."
"I was going to ask about you."
Spike looked at her in surprise before nodding. "I'll be fine."
Her eyes traveled the length of his body as she stepped forward, gingerly rubbing her hand over his stomach. Spike hissed in pain as he backed away from her.
"You're not fine."
"I'm fine."
"Let me see," Buffy said, gently tugging at his shirt.
"Buffy-"
"Spike-"
Spike gently took her hand in his. "I'll be okay."
Buffy felt her breathing pick up as she realized what close proximity she was in. Spike seemed to notice at the same time and slowly took a step away from her.
"I should probably go."
"That might be a good idea," she said softly.
Spike gritted his teeth, trying to fight the urge to kiss her, as she stared up at him. Exhaling deeply, Spike turned and headed for the door. "I'll see you later, luv."
Buffy felt herself begin to shake as she heard the door close quietly behind him. Running both hands through her hair, Buffy closed her eyes and exhaled, tilting her head up to the ceiling.
"Get it together, Buffy."
Making Up
Buffy sat in her office the next day, going through some of her files, when she heard the door open. Looking up, she saw William standing in the doorway. "Can I come in?"
"Sure," Buffy said with a small smile.
Walking into the office, Will leaned against Buffy's desk as she sat back in her chair. "Look, Buffy, I know I'm doing this a lot lately, but I'm sorry about the other night."
Buffy folded her arms over her chest as she looked at him. "That's quite a black eye you've got there. What happened?"
"Oh, uh, getting dressed in the dark. You know how it is," he said with a wave of his hand.
"You're lying."
"What?"
"You heard me."
"Alright…Spike and I, kind of, got into it last night after you left."
"About me?"
"Part of it."
Buffy stood up, positioning herself in front of him. "William, what's going on with you?"
"I just don't like him around you, Buffy. Especially considering the circumstances that you met him under."
"So the bottom line is, you don't trust me."
"I don't trust him."
Buffy stared at him for several moments before speaking. "What's really bothering you?"
William sighed before reaching out and pulling Buffy close to him. "Were you attracted to him, Buffy?"
"Will, don't take this the wrong way," she said gently. "But of course I was. I was attracted to him the same way I'm attracted to you. You're twins."
"Even after you saw how different we are?"
"Will, don't do this to yourself."
"Answer the question, Buffy, and please don't lie to me."
"Yes…I was."
She watched as William nodded as he turned and walked to the door.
"So that's it?" Buffy asked angrily. "You're just going to walk away because I told you the truth? You know, Will, I could have lied. I could have conveniently 'forgotten' that he wasn't you, but I didn't!"
"Buffy, I'm just going to class."
Buffy visibly calmed down. "Are we still on for tonight?"
"Better make it tomorrow. Something's come up."
Buffy looked at him in confusion but didn't question him. "Okay, I'll see you later."
William sat in his home later that night. The lights were dimmed in his office as he sipped a tall glass of brandy. Hearing his brother walk in, William looked up from the picture on his desk to stare into the identical set of eyes.
"What's wrong with you, mate?"
"Nothing," Will grumbled, his accent taking on a gruff sound, making him sound more like Spike.
"Oh, so you usually sit drinking in the dark when nothing's wrong?" Spike asked as he turned on a light.
"I need your help with something, Spike."
"Have you forgotten who you're talking to, Will?"
"No, and I need your help."
Buffy dressed in black pants and a royal blue sleeveless shirt the following night. She had tried to find William in school today, and he'd apparently taken a sick day. She'd tried to call him, and he didn't answer, so she was assuming he was still going to pick her up.
Hearing a knock on the door, Buffy hurriedly put on her earrings as she ran for it. Throwing it open with a smile, the smile faded as she looked at the man on the other side.
"Spike?" she asked, taking in the jeans and black t-shirt with the bleached hair.
"It's me, Buffy."
"William?! What did you do?" Buffy stared, open-mouthed at Will. He looked identical to his brother. There was no longer a single feature that could help in telling the two apart. Except maybe the absence of the duster.
"It's what you wanted, right?"
"How can you ask me that? Did I ever ask you to change for me?"
"It's not about what you asked for me to do, Buffy."
Buffy sighed as she walked out the door, deciding to drop the subject for the time being. "So where are we going tonight?"
"I thought we'd head to the Bronze."
"But you hate it there," Buffy said in disbelief.
"Maybe I want to give it another try."
Buffy stared at him for a moment. It was unnerving to see Spike from every angle but know that it was William. Even more unnerving that he was beginning to sound like Spike. This wasn't him. At least he wasn't using the nicknames for her. Though she didn't mind when Spike called her 'luv' or 'pet', she wasn't sure if she was ready to hear those words coming out of Will's mouth.
"You ready to go, Buffy?"
Buffy breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Will's car sitting in the parking lot. If she had seen a motorcycle, Buffy was sure she would have turned around and headed back into the house.
"I guess," she murmured.
Buffy and William walked into the Bronze ten minutes later. Buffy watched him skeptically as they made their way through the crowd. The thought had crossed her mind that this could be Spike with her, but she quickly dismissed it.
"Buffy, why don't you go get us some drinks," Will said, handing her a twenty. "I'm gonna go say hello to Xander."
Buffy looked in the direction he was walking and saw Xander at the pool table. She didn't see Faith, but she had no doubt that the brunette would be along soon enough, so she headed for the bar and placed her order.
"Surprised, luv?"
Buffy turned when she heard Spike's distinct voice to her left. "Surprise doesn't begin to cover it."
"Yeah, he was pretty gung-ho about the whole change," Spike said, resting his back against the bar. Buffy looked over and felt a chill creep down her spine. The two were even dressed alike. Spike's duster was gone tonight, probably due to the hot weather they were having, and his jeans were slightly darker, but otherwise, identical.
"Why did he do it, Spike?"
"You really have to ask that?"
"Yeah…I really do."
"He thought he was losing you, luv."
"So turning into a clone of his already identical twin was the perfect way for him to hold on to me?"
"Something like that."
Buffy sighed, shredding a napkin as she stared down at her hands.
"Can I ask you something, pet?"
Buffy looked over at him, seeing the boyish way he was biting his bottom lip, as if he was too shy to actually ask the question.
"Sure."
Spike took a deep breath as he looked down at the floor. "If you had met me first…"
"Would I have been interested?"
Spike looked at her but didn't say anything as Buffy turned to stare into the growing crowd of people. "Probably," she murmured softly. Buffy saw the slight smile that formed on Spike's face. Turning to him, she continued, "But, Spike, that means we can't…it's different."
Spike stared at her with his unfathomable blue eyes. She could see the hurt in them and felt guilty. She felt guilty for Will feeling he had to change to be what he thought she wanted. She felt guilty that she wasn't happier about the change because she was still thinking about Spike. And she felt really guilty for staring into Spike's eyes and feeling more alive than she'd felt since his lips had been on hers almost a week ago.
"Buffy?"
Buffy's eyes snapped over to her right as she heard William next to her. "You gonna stand here all night?"
She saw the look that passed between the two brothers and pushed away from the bar. With drinks in hand, she took a step closer to William, holding out his drink and giving him a blinding smile. He seemed to visibly relax at the gesture and took the drink from her. Before she knew what happened, his lips were on hers in a soft kiss.
Buffy was grateful that it wasn't the overpowering, claiming kiss he'd given her the other day. Closing her eyes, she relaxed slightly. This was William. This was the way she was used to being treated by him. Pulling away, Buffy turned to head over to Xander. She could see Faith standing at the table now, giving her a questioning look. On her way, Buffy couldn't help but see the look on Spike's face. She offered him a tender smile as she passed, knowing that if she was to stop and talk to him, it would only add to the tension.
Faith grabbed Buffy's elbow as they got closer and led her away from the two men. "Okay, spill," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"There's nothing to spill. I think you know as much as I do at this point."
"So William is morphing into Spike in front of your eyes, and you don't find that a little weird?"
"I didn't say that. I don't know what's going on with him, Faith. It's not like this was some kind of gradual change- he just showed up at my apartment. I thought he was Spike at first, until he started talking."
Faith looked over at the men, raising her eyebrows. "Is it working?"
"What?"
"Whatever he's trying to accomplish. It's obvious he knows that you're attracted to his brother, so he's upping the ante for you."
Buffy swallowed hard as she looked at her boyfriend. She didn't know how she felt. She couldn't get past the weirdness factor of looking at him and seeing his brother. Faith patted her gently on the arm as they turned and walked back over to Xander and William.
A few hours later, William pulled into his driveway.
"Will, aren't you going to take me home?" Buffy asked.
"I thought you could stay here tonight."
Buffy looked at him strangely. "Don't you normally ask me if I want to?"
"I didn't think you'd mind," William said with a shrug.
"Well, you thought wrong," she said angrily.
"What's the big deal, Buffy? You've stayed here before- it's not like it's a soddin' problem."
Buffy stared at him in disbelief as his voice changed into Spike's. "Okay, this is getting creepy, William."
"What's that?" he asked, giving her a bored look.
"This change," Buffy said, gesturing wildly at him. "I never asked for this. I never asked you to do anything!" she yelled as she jumped out of the car.
William stepped out on his side as she came around to stand in front of him. "It's obvious this is what you want, Buffy," he said angrily.
"Oh really?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips. "And why is that?"
"Because you haven't touched me since that wanker came to town!" he yelled.
Buffy's mouth dropped open as she stared at him. "I can't believe you," she said quietly. "That's what this has been about? It hasn't even been a week that he's been in town, and you do a complete physical and mental change because I haven't kissed you as much?" William stared into her angry face as she spoke. "I don't like this, Will. I started dating you because you're YOU! I started dating the man who treated me with respect!"
"And when respect isn't enough, you just figured you'd go running to the next best thing," William yelled back.
Buffy stared at him with cold eyes. "You don't know anything about me," she said in a low voice. "You think you know me? You don't know a damn thing."
Buffy turned and began walking away.
"Oh, that's it! Walk off when the going gets rough- it's what you're best at!"
Buffy turned at the end of the driveway. "Maybe it is," she said with a shrug. "But at least I don't have to change myself to feel good about me."
Buffy walked into the Bronze for the second time that night. She had been trying Faith's cell phone, hoping to have a girl's night, but it had been turned off. Walking through the club, Buffy looked around, hoping to spot her friend.
"She took off."
Buffy turned and faced Spike. She was surprised by the angry look in his eyes.
"So, what are you doing back, pet?" he asked. "Thought you'd be curled up in my brother's bed by now."
Buffy stared at him in shock, her mouth dropped open at the callous tone he was using. "Is that your business?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
"Maybe not," Spike said with a shrug, dropping his cigarette on the floor. "For what it's worth, I'm sure it's your calling," he said, looking her up and down.
Buffy felt a range of emotions course through her body. "What the hell is your problem?!" she cried, letting anger win out.
"Don't have a problem, pet. Just trying to pay a girl a compliment," he said in a condescending tone.
"Well, then do me a favor…don't!"
"Well, someone's got their knickers in a twist," Spike said with a smirk.
"Yeah? Seems to me, someone's got his mind in the gutter."
"Maybe," he said seductively as he advanced on her. "Up for a round on the balcony, luv? Promise you'll have fun."
"What's gotten into you?" she asked, shoving him away.
"You have, Summers! Teasing me, leading me on, I'm bloody tired of it. So why don't you do us all a favor- go find my dear old brother and give him a good shag, 'cause God knows he needs it," Spike said through gritted teeth. "And maybe you do, too," he said as an afterthought.
"You're a pig, Spike," Buffy said angrily as she turned and headed out the door.
Spike felt remorse course through him as she slammed the door shut behind her. He knew he was only taking out his anger at himself, and maybe at his brother, on her, and she didn't deserve it. But at the same time, he couldn't find it in himself to go after her. Stomping down any feelings he had about chasing her, Spike turned and headed the other way.
Wanting
Buffy had been home for over an hour and still hadn't been able to calm down. It was getting close to midnight, and she knew she wouldn't be able to get much sleep tonight. Her mind kept going over everything that had transpired over the past few hours. William showing up looking like Spike, the different attitude, the fight.
She was starting to realize what William was going through, and she was beginning to feel guilty for yelling at him about something as mediocre as changing his hair and clothes. It was his life. Who was she to tell him what he should or shouldn't be doing with it?
However, Will wasn't the only reason she was still awake. It was Spike's voice that filled her head whenever she tried to relax, the tone his words had taken on as he stood belittling her to make himself feel better. The way he looked when he was yelling at her for leading him on. Buffy paced her apartment as his voice kept coming back to her.
She didn't mean to make him feel that way, to make him feel as if he had to lash out at her. She knew that he enjoyed a flirtation with her, but she had no idea what his feelings toward her were. Buffy had just assumed that he wanted to get under his brother's skin by flirting with her. She knew that he seemed happy when she'd admitted that she probably would have dated him if it weren't for William, but she had simply attributed that to male pride at the fact that she would have given him a chance.
Buffy rubbed her arms, trying to ward off the chill she felt coming over her. She was beginning to feel a headache threaten to overwhelm her as her thoughts drifted back and forth from one man to the other. She knew she had to make it up to William for the way she'd been acting lately. She thought about the hurt look on his face whenever Spike was even mentioned. She knew that she would be devastated if she was in the same position, so why was she making it even harder for him?
She didn't love him, it was true, but she didn't love Spike either. Maybe if she were given enough time she could fall in love with William. It was better than risking what she had with him on a chance of something she wasn't even sure of. Now all she had to do was apologize.
Buffy's thoughts were running wild when she heard someone knock on the door. She glanced at the clock with a puzzled expression on her face. She saw that it was exactly midnight and frowned. No one came over at this time of night, unless it was Faith, and she always called beforehand. Buffy made her way to the front door and hesitated a moment. "Who is it?"
"It's me," she heard the soft voice answer through the door.
"William," she said softly before unlocking the door. She pulled it open to reveal him on the other side. He looked up at her with sad eyes full of insecurity as she timidly folded her arms across her chest, wondering if he was coming to finish their fight. Buffy decided she should tread lightly, not wanting to hurt his feelings any more than she had already done tonight. "What are you doing here?" she asked quietly, stepping aside to let him come in as she tried to keep her voice soft and neutral.
He looked up at her with sorrowful eyes as he stepped into her apartment. "I'm sorry."
Buffy almost didn't hear the whispered confession, but she gave him a small smile as she shut the door behind him. "I'm sorry, too."
Buffy stared at him uncertainly for a moment before she slowly stood on her tiptoes and planted a soft kiss on his lips, bracing her hands against his strong chest, waiting to see if he would respond to her. He moaned slightly as his arms went around her waist, dipping his tongue into Buffy's mouth, delicately tasting her. Buffy felt her heart rate speed up at the tender display before twining her arms around his neck and deepening the kiss even further.
Buffy relished the feel of him against her. The gentle, but passionate, kisses that he was lavishing on her lips. She began to feel lightheaded as his lips broke away from hers and descended down her neck.
Pulling away from him, she looked up with a lust-filled gaze before grabbing him by the hand. Not thinking before she acted, Buffy quickly headed toward her bedroom, practically dragging him as she made her way over to the bed. Once she got to her destination, Buffy spun around again, pulling him down for another kiss. She felt his body push against hers as she was enveloped by a pair of strong arms. She eagerly pushed back, trying to get closer.
Pulling away, they quickly divested each other of their shirts and pants before fusing their lips together again. Buffy moaned as she was gently pushed to the bed. She started panting as her bra and panties were stripped from her, before he began crawling up her body, coming to rest in between her thighs. She wrapped her arms around his neck again, leaving a soft kiss on his lips before pulling back to look into his navy eyes.
"I need you," she whispered softly, pulling gently on his newly bleached hair and claiming his mouth again. "Please, baby."
"Shhhh," he whispered soothingly as he looked down at her. Buffy gasped as she felt the tip of his shaft slowly entering her. She moaned as he gently pushed further inside her, scratching at his back as she arched her hips into his, trying to speed up the pace of his thrusts.
Buffy could feel him tense as he came to a stop, burying his face in the crook of her neck, trying to stave off his climax from simply being fully imbedded inside her. She knew he was trying to wait until he pushed her over the edge before following, and she stayed still beneath him as she waited for him to move again.
She gasped again as she felt him begin to move at a faster pace than she expected. Buffy moaned as their pelvises began to grind together on every stroke, arching her back as she felt one of his hands gently palm her breast.
As their thrusting sped up, Buffy slowly began to feel the tightness begin in her stomach, signaling her approaching orgasm. She moved more frantically, trying to seek her release.
"Please," she whimpered frantically. She gasped when he began lengthening his strokes, pulling almost completely out of her before plunging back into her hot depths. She arched against him again as he began stroking against the sensitive bundle of nerves, hitting it at the perfect angle with every movement their hips made. Buffy moaned as she threw her head back into the pillow, feeling herself spiraling out of control with each thrust of their bodies.
Buffy began writhing underneath him as her body exploded in ecstasy. She felt his hand wind around her body to rest on the small of her back, just above the swell of her butt, as he pulled her closer, plunging into her with lack of control. Before long, Buffy could feel his body begin shaking as he began pulsing deep inside of her, shooting stream after stream into her waiting body.
Looking at each other in the calming aftermath of their love making, their lips met in a tender kiss as they tried to steady their erratic breathing. Buffy felt as if her body was melting into his at the tingling sensations running through her.
Still joined together, he pulled away from her slightly, letting his eyes drink in the sight of her as she lay beneath him. He let his hands weave through her hair, enjoying the feel of the long, silky strands slipping through his fingers.
"You were amazing," he whispered huskily as he stared at her.
She smiled, reaching up to trace the sharp contours of his cheekbones. She pulled him down to claim his lips in another searing kiss before pulling back and looking deep into his eyes. "Because of you."
"No one's ever made me feel the way you do, luv."
Buffy froze, her entire body tensing at the one word. "Spike?"
"Yeah, who'd you…"
His face seemed to turn to stone as he looked down at her panic-stricken features. Before either could say another word, a loud knocking resounded through the small apartment, coming from the front door.
"Buffy, it's me."
Buffy felt the air rush out of her body at the sound of William's voice.
Talking It Out
Spike was off the bed in an instant. He really couldn't have cared less about his brother knocking on the door- he just couldn't stand to be in close proximity to Buffy anymore. The most tender, incredible moment of his life wasn't even real. At least not to her. She had assumed that he was William, and he felt sick at the thought of her naked body underneath his brother.
His brain knew that it wasn't William that had been with her, but it might as well have been, as far as he was concerned. She had wanted William, not him. When she had looked at him with such passion in her eyes, she wasn't looking at him. Spike angrily pulled his pants on as Buffy jumped off the bed, clutching the sheet to her body in a modest attempt to hide her nude body, even though he'd already seen it, seconds ago.
"Spike?" she whispered softly as she reached out and touched his arm. She shrank back as he angrily swatted her hand away before pulling on his shirt.
"Don't," he growled as he bent over and quickly pulled his shoes on before heading to the door of the bedroom.
Buffy flew past him before he could make it down the short hallway. "Spike, please don't leave."
"Why?" he asked angrily as he turned to look at her. "Don't want your boyfriend to find out that you just shagged his brother?"
"That's part of it," she whispered. "And the other reason is I don't want you to leave until we talk about this."
Spike stared at her, watching as her eyes turned to the door as the knocking sound stopped and was replaced by the jingling of keys. Buffy panicked as she remembered that she had given Will a key to her place when she had locked herself out one day.
"Please," she said softly, looking up at him with pleading eyes.
Spike clenched his jaw as he looked into eyes that he was unable to resist, hearing the key in the lock. Without saying a word, he turned and walked back in the bedroom, slamming the door as he went.
Buffy breathed a sigh of relief before rushing to the bathroom to grab her robe. Running her fingers through her disheveled hair, Buffy ran for the door and reached it just as it was thrown open to reveal William.
"You okay?" he asked as he looked at her.
"I'm fine," she said in a strangled voice. "I was just…asleep. Took me a minute to wake up."
"I'm sorry," he mumbled softly.
"It's okay," Buffy replied, trying her best to smile at him.
"No, not just for waking you up. I'm sorry for what I said earlier."
"Oh…yeah…earlier. Listen, don't worry about it. I didn't mean what I said either, it's just been a strange week."
"Yeah," William said, reaching out and pulling her to him. Buffy tensed as his arms wrapped around her waist, holding her breath as his lips came down to meet hers. She felt like crying for the unfairness of what was happening to her. She realized now that she should have known it was Spike from the moment he kissed her earlier. Despite the fact that he was being much more tender than their first experience together, the fire that erupted in her when their lips met should have been the clue.
Now, as William was trying to deepen the kiss, Buffy felt her hands begin to push against his chest, putting some distance between them as their lips broke apart.
"Can I stay?" he asked as he played with the sash on her robe.
Buffy unconsciously tightened the robe over her nude form. "I don't think that's such a good idea, Will. I-I think I'm coming down with something."
He gently felt her forehead and cheeks. "You do feel a little warm." Buffy blushed at the statement, biting her lip as she looked at the floor. "Okay," he said, kissing her forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" Buffy asked in confusion.
"School," he commented with a raised eyebrow.
Buffy nodded in understanding, following him to the door. "Right…school…how could I forget?"
"Sleep well, Buffy," he said, pulling her closer once again and leaving another kiss on her lips. Buffy moaned against him, trying to push him away, but he took it as a sign to deepen the kiss. After a moment, Buffy broke away, trying to give him a smile as he walked out the door. Once the door was closed, Buffy leaned her head against it, exhaling sharply.
"Well, wasn't that sweet."
Buffy spun around at the condescending voice from the hallway. "Spike, that-"
"Forget it, Summers," he said in a low tone as he walked toward her. "It was fun."
Buffy felt a flash of dread as he reached for the doorknob. "Don't!"
Spike paused for a brief second before pulling the door open. Buffy found herself thrown off balance as it swung wide. Steadying herself, she spun around and slammed it shut before he could go through it. Throwing the deadbolt, Buffy positioned herself between him and the doorknob.
"Please don't leave," she whispered.
Spike avoided her eyes as he stared at a spot above her head. "There's no reason to stay."
"What about me?" she asked quietly, causing his eyes to meet hers.
Closing off his emotions, Spike gritted his teeth, trying to ward off the tears that threatened to spill over as he thought about what he knew he could never have. "What about you?! You thought I was your little boy-toy. You thought you were fucking him!" he yelled, trying to mask his hurt with anger.
Buffy felt her chin begin to quiver. "I did," she admitted quietly.
Spike felt his anger boil over as he slammed his hands against the door on each side of her head. Buffy jumped, suddenly feeling frightened, as Spike effectively closed in on her.
"Spike, you're scaring me," she whispered, looking up into his eyes.
She saw a brief flash of guilt cross his features before the cold mask was put back in place. "This is me," he said in a gravelly voice that held more conviction than he felt.
"No, it's not," Buffy replied more forcefully. "It's not you," she said as she reached up to gently caress his cheek, breaking through his resolve, to get to the scared boy underneath the tough guy façade..
Spike bit his lip, trying to restrain his emotions at her affectionate gesture. Closing his eyes for a second, Spike took her hand away from his face and slowly pulled her away from the door.
"You thought I was him, Buffy," he said with his back to her. "I should have known that, but I didn't. I thought," he paused, reigning in his feelings. "I thought you wanted me. But you thought I was him."
"I did…but what if I'm glad it was you?"
Spike whirled around to face her, trying to see if she was telling the truth. "What do you mean?"
"You were right," Buffy said softly, taking a step closer to him. "I thought I was fucking him."
Spike frowned, surprised that she had used the term he had thrown in her face.
"But I was making love to you."
Spike's mouth dropped open at the admission. He soon found himself leaning against the door for balance. "What are you trying to say, Buffy?" he asked quietly.
"I'm not proud of myself," she said quietly. "The only reason I did that tonight was because I felt guilty for wanting to be with you. I felt I owed it to him. So, yeah…when I thought you were him, it was just sex. But knowing it was you…it's special."
Spike felt short of breath as he took a step closer to her. "Do you want to be with me?" he asked quietly.
He watched as tears began streaming down her cheeks. "More than anything," she admitted. "But it's not that simple."
"Why not?" he asked, gently raising his hands to each side of her face, pushing her hair away from her features as he stared at her with longing.
"I'm still with William, Spike."
He clenched his jaw, feeling Buffy tense as she waited for whatever angry words he was about to throw her way.
"You're right," he said softly, controlling his temper.
"What?"
"You're right, luv. I may not me happy with the situation, but he is my brother. I never wanted to hurt him. I should have gone about this differently, but then you started kissing me and…"
Buffy stared at him in disbelief. "So you're okay with this?"
"No, I want you to break up with him, Buffy. If you want to be with me, you've got to tell him the truth."
"Spike, I can't tell him about this, he'll be too hurt!"
"I don't want him hurt, luv," Spike said gently. "But I think he deserves to know that we want to be together. I'm not asking you to tell him about what happened tonight, but I don't think we should lie to him."
"Spike, I can't just break up with him. He wants-"
She watched as he turned and headed out the door.
"Spike!"
Turning around, he looked at her as he backed away. "Let me know when you actually realize what YOU want, Buffy. There'll probably be a bloody parade!"
Buffy felt fresh tears spring to her eyes as she watched him walk away. The pain was evident in his eyes. How could she get him to understand that she would break up with Will? She had to, she couldn't stay with him anymore. She wouldn't be able to look at him and not feel guilt course through her for what occurred tonight. But, the fact remained that Will loved her and she couldn't just call him and tell him it was over. She needed time to work through it and break it to him gently. But, would Spike still want her?