And all those friends
Where did they go, I don't know
All those friends we used to know
In the neighborhood

Faded pictures in my scrapbook
Just thought I'd take one more look
And recall when we were all
In the neighborhood

---

Knocking at the glass door leading to the garden interrupted Angel's reading. Stretching his tired body, he got up from the couch and made his way to the door. Seeing the woman standing on the other side, he couldn't help but raise his eyebrows.

"Mom," Angel greeted with surprise as he opened the door for his mother. "What are you doing here?"

"Can't a mother come visit her only son?" Margaret Brennan asked, smiling deviously at her youngest child.

He smirked at his mother's reply. "Not without an ulterior motive. But come on in anyway. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's good if you made it a personal visit. I hope it's not another blind date you're trying to set me up on."

"Don't mind if I do. And no, it's not another blind date." She entered the house, taking a few steps into the sitting room so her son could close the door. As soon as he turned to face her, Mrs. Brennan thrust the envelope she held in her hand toward him.

"What's this?" he asked.

"I'm assuming it's an invitation to your high school reunion."

Angel cocked his right eyebrow up. "What makes you think that?"

"There are a great many reasons. First of all, it was in the paper. Secondly, you *did* graduate ten years ago. Third, this is the time of year when all the Sunnydale reunions take place. And fourth, Amy Madison asked me in the supermarket the other day if she'd sent the invitation to the right place," she answered. "It looks like she didn't because I found it in the pile of mail your father left on the kitchen table last night."

"That's nice. You can rip it up, throw it in the garbage, burn it, whatever. I'm not going." Making his way around his mother, Angel sat back down on the couch and picked up the book he had been reading .

Mrs. Brennan sighed at her son's reaction to the invitation. "You know, maybe it's time you put the past behind you, Angel."

"I'm trying to. Which is exactly why I don't want to go to this stupid reunion."

"Seeing Buffy one last time might help you finally get over her," she suggested. She knew that after ten years, her son still pined for his high school sweetheart.

"I *am* over her," he insisted. "I'm not pining away for a woman who turned down my marriage proposal ten years ago. We just weren't meant to be. I've accepted that."

She shook her head, placing the unopened invitation on the table in front of the couch. "If you want to wallow in your own self-pity for another ten years, I'm not going to stop you. You have an opportunity to move forward. Don't run away from it like you did before."

"Mom–"

"Just think about it at least. That's all I ask. You might surprise yourself." Mrs. Brennan bent down to kiss her twenty-eight year old son on the cheek. "I'll see you Sunday afternoon for the family dinner. Remember what I said, Angel."

After his mother left, he stared at the envelope, knowing that it contained the key to his future.

---

Blowing the dust off the cover of his high school yearbook, Angel settled down in bed for the night, his twelve year old black Lab Brandy laying to his left. Seeing the pictures from various school events brought a smile to his face. He'd loved his four years at Sunnydale High, and not just because he had found love. After years of being an outcast, Angel had finally been accepted by his classmates and made lifelong friends there. But he couldn't – no matter how hard he tried – forget that he met the love of his life before he'd even begun his freshman year.

As I sit in this smoky room
The night about to end
I pass my time with strangers
But this bottle's my only friend

Remember when we used to park
On Butler Street out in the dark
Remember when we lost the keys
And you lost more than that in my backseat, baby
Remember when we used to talk
About busting out - we'd break their hearts
Together - forever

Never say goodbye, never say goodbye
You and me and my old friends
Hoping it would never end
Never say goodbye, never say goodbye
Holdin' on - we got to try
Holdin' on to never say goodbye

Buffy had moved on with her life, he knew that. She got married to somebody else, probably had two or three children by now while he remained the same single man he'd been when she broke his heart. He never married, dated infrequently and focused on his career rather than his love life.

When his older sister Alexis faxed him Buffy's wedding announcement six years ago, the twenty-one year old's life changed forever. He went into a tailspin, finally letting it sink in that the three years he'd spent waiting for Buffy to change her mind and return to him were a waste.

Things were done that he regretted, but Angel knew he couldn't turn back the hands of time; from those mistakes he grew up.

For two years he dated a fellow teacher at Sunnydale High named Drusilla Martin, but it ended when she wanted to marry and he didn't. She accused him of living in the past and that the ghost of Buffy would never stop haunting him. Since their breakup three years earlier, Angel had gone on a few casual dates, not ready to be in another serious relationship. In the back of his mind, he knew that Buffy Summers had ruined him for other women.

Remember days of skipping school
Racing cars and being cool
With a six pack and the radio
We didn't need no place to go

Remember at the prom that night
You and me we had a fight
But the band they played our favorite song
And I held you in my arms so strong

We danced so close
We danced so slow
And I swore I'd never let you go
Together - forever

Never say goodbye, never say goodbye
You and me and my old friends
Hoping it would never end
Never say goodbye, never say goodbye
Holdin' on - we got to try
Holdin' on to never say goodbye

He scanned through the pictures of his fellow graduates. There were friends and foes, people he still cared about and others he wished he could forget. When he reached the SENIOR FAVORITES section, Angel frowned at the inscription Willow had written next to FAVORITE COUPLE.

"Buffy and Angel Forever," he read aloud. They'd won the award for FAVORITE COUPLE, yet they broke up a week after the results were made public.

At the sound of Buffy's name, Brandy whimpered. Angel patted the dog's head, recalling that it was Buffy who had named the dog when Angel's family brought her home.

"I know, Brandy. I miss her, too."

I guess you'd say we used to talk
About busting out
We'd break their hearts
Together - forever

Never say goodbye, never say goodbye
You and me and my old friends
Hoping it would never end
Never say goodbye, never say goodbye
Holdin' on - we got to try
Holdin' on to never say goodbye

Reaching over for the cordless phone sitting on the bedside table, Angel picked up the receiver and dialed. When a familiar voice answered, he took a tentative breath. "Hi, Amy. This is Angel Brennan…I'm good, how are you?…Great. Look, I'm sorry for calling so late, but I just got the invitation to the reunion. Put me down for a 'yes.' I'll be there."

---

Buffy shifted her weight nervously while she waited for her husband to finish getting ready in the bathroom of their hotel room. She was both nervous and excited at the same time; it was due to the fact she hadn't seen any of her old Sunnydale friends in nearly six years, longer in some cases. She wondered what her friends would say to her. Would they be upset because she hadn't kept in touch? Or would they understand her reasons for severing all ties to the tiny town?

But it wasn't just seeing her friends that made her nervous. The thought of seeing Angel, her high school sweetheart and lost love, made her tremble with fear. Though she wasn't sure if he'd even be there, she was afraid of what he thought of her. Did he still hate her for turning down his marriage proposal all those years ago? Or did he know why she refused? Was he married? Did he have children? How had he spent the last ten years of his life? Most importantly, did he still think about her as often as she thought about him? Did Angel wonder "what if?"?

She was so lost in her thoughts that Buffy didn't hear Griffin leave the bathroom. It wasn't until he placed his hands on her shoulders did Buffy realize she wasn't alone anymore.

"Do you need to get in the bathroom before we leave?" he wanted to know.

Buffy shook her head. "No, I think I'm okay. Do I look alright for the reunion?"

He looked her over, noticing that his wife had purchased a brand-new outfit especially for the occasion. She wore a simple blue dress with a conservative neckline and a hem that reached just above her knees. Her blonde hair had been loosely curled, the tendrils framing her face. "You look fine for tonight."

"Fine?" 'Fine?' she thought. 'What about ravishing? Drop dead gorgeous? I'd even settle for a "You're not leaving this room looking like that" comment I used to get from Mom all the time.' "I look fine? Great, now I need to change."

"You don't need to change, Buffy. Every guy you went to high school with is going to be jealous of me when I walk in with you on my arm. How's that?" Griffin questioned.

She smiled. "Much better. Thank you, Griffin, for coming with me. I know how much you hate these things."

"I think I can survive one night with a bunch of people I don't know. Promise me that if I get bored we can leave, though."

"Alright. But you have to promise me you'll at least give it a chance. You can't make me leave after five minutes. I haven't seen some of these people in close to ten years."

He nodded his head in agreement. "Agreed."

"Great. Let's go."

---

Checking his reflection in the rearview mirror, Angel let out the deep breath he'd been holding for what seemed like an eternity. 'This is it,' he said to himself. 'I can finally put the past behind me. After tonight I will be able to say goodbye to Buffy Summers and hello to the rest of my life.'

He stepped out of his car and made his way into the building. Even though he entered it every weekday morning, tonight it felt different to him. It was special. When he reached the entrance to the gymnasium, Angel inhaled heavily before approaching the table to sign in.

"Hi, I'm–"

"Angel Brennan. Our salutatorian," the woman replied. "Amy Madison. Well, Amy Madison-Weber these days."

"I haven't changed all that much, have I?" he joked. "Pretty sad, isn't it?"

Amy grinned. "It must be magic. But seriously, you look great, Angel. I'm actually surprised no one's been able to steal your heart yet." She filled out his name tag.

"Haven't met the right girl."

"You never know, you might run into her tonight. A certain blonde-haired woman who has yet to arrive may strike your fancy," teased Amy, handing him the sticker she'd written his name on.

"I doubt it. I'm into brunettes these days. Nice seeing you again, Amy." Angel placed the name tag on the left side of his shirt and walked into the gymnasium.

"You never know," she whispered even though she knew he'd never hear her.

He couldn't help but be impressed with the decorations that had been set up. A giant banner hung across the far wall reading WELCOME CLASS OF 1992, streamers hung from the ceiling and posters of various bands that were popular during their four years at Sunnydale High were scattered along the walls as well. He was even shocked to see candid shots of his classmates up there as well.

"Angel? Is that you?" a voice asked from a few feet away.

He glanced to his right, seeing a smiling redhead looking directly at him. He'd recognize her face anywhere. "Oh my god, Willow Rosenberg."

The two embraced, not having seen one another in close to a decade. "I can't believe it. You look wonderful," she complimented.

"You, too. Is Oz here with you?" Angel asked.

Willow shook her head. "No. Oz and I broke up during our freshman year at UC Sunnydale. I'm with Tara McClay now." She pointed to a blonde girl standing a few feet away.

Angel didn't know how to respond, he was shocked at what his old friend had told him. Granted, he had known about her and Oz, but forgot all about it until just then. "You're…well, a…"

"A lesbian. You can say it, it's okay."

"Sorry. I just never would have thought…"

"Neither did I until Oz left. But I'm happy with the way the way my life is. And Oz and I still keep in touch. How about you? Married yet?"

He shook his head. "Hardly. I'm not much for the dating scene. Me, I'm perfectly happy to be at home with my dog and a good book."

"It is nice to know some things never change," she commented with a laugh. "Look, I don't want to bring up anything unpleasant, but have you seen Buffy tonight?"

"It isn't unpleasant, Willow. And no, I haven't seen her. According to Amy Madison she hasn't arrived. If she even does."

Willow smiled knowingly. "Oh I see. You already checked it out."

"No, Amy volunteered any Buffy-related information. I didn't come here tonight to see Buffy Summers or whatever name she's going by these days."

"Just Buffy Summers. She never took Griffin's last name. Much to his chagrin."

"Good to know."

Willow took in a breath before beginning to speak again. "It hurt her, too, you know. The breakup did. I'm not pointing fingers, but Buffy was never really the same after you left Sunnydale that summer. She changed, so much so that I hardly recognized her anymore. Since she married Griffin and moved to Kansas we haven't spoken. That was almost six years ago."

"What happened?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not sure exactly. After college started she went out with this guy named Parker a few times, but it ended badly. Buffy never gave me the details, though I can only assume he hurt her in some way. Not physically, but, well, you know…Personally, I think the only reason she went out with him was the way he looked. Tall, dark hair, dark eyes…seeing a pattern?

"Anyway, a few months after her 'thing' with Parker ended, Buffy began dating Griffin Montgomery. He was the polar-opposite of Parker – and you – in looks. A tad bit taller, blonde hair and blue eyes. When they started seeing one another was really when she changed. She stopped hanging out with myself and Xander and spent almost all of her time with Griffin and his friends. I never really liked him all that much and neither did Xander. Something about him just rubbed me the wrong way. By senior year we weren't even talking anymore and the next thing I knew, they were engaged to be married."

"October of 1995," Angel added. "My sister sent me a copy of the engagement announcement."

"How did you handle the news?"

Angel frowned, looking down at the floor. "Not well I'm afraid. But the past is the past. You can't change it, no matter how much you want to."

Willow sensed something had happened to him and wanted to know what. But the expression on his face told her not to pry; he was obviously still struggling with whatever it was inside of himself. "That it is. Are you going to say anything to her if she's here tonight?"

"I don't know. I haven't decided yet."

"Well, you'd better decide quickly because she just walked in," she informed him.

Angel turned around to see his high school sweetheart walk in on the arm of a tall, blonde-haired man. Seeing her again brought him back to an afternoon fourteen years ago; the day he first laid eyes on her.

---

July 7, 1988

"Angel, what are you doing out here?" sixteen-year-old Alexis Brennan asked her younger brother, who had been sitting on the front steps for forty-five minutes.

"Nothing," he answered.

She lifted her eyebrows, unconvinced by his simple answer. "Nothing? Yeah right, I doubt that. What's really going on?"

"I was reading."

Alexis noticed the book he'd been reading was discarded to his left. "'Was' being the operative word apparently. Are you gonna tell me the truth or do I have to beat it out of you?"

Then she saw it. Or *her*. Across the street, a pretty blonde girl Angel's age stepped out of the house and sat on the front porch. She sat with a sad look on her face, watching the movers as they carried boxes and furniture inside. From her place on the opposite side of the street Alexis could tell the girl didn't want to be there.

"Never mind. I see what's going on. Go over there and say hi, Angel," she suggested.

The fourteen-year-old vehemently shook his head. "No! No, I can't."

"Why not? The poor girl looks lonely over there. Introduce yourself, she won't bite."

Angel had always been insanely shy, even as a child. Alexis knew meeting new people came difficult to him, but someday he'd have to take some initiative. Their parents weren't concerned; they figured he would come out of his shell once he began high school. But Alexis doubted it. Her brother would never change.

"Nuh-huh. I can't, Lexie, I just can't."

She sighed. "You are socially retarded, Angel. Do you know that?"

"Just go over there and find out her name for me. Please," he begged. "I'll do the dishes for you tonight and I promise not to ask you for another favor ever again."

"Ever?"

"Okay, not *ever* again. Find out what her name is and how old she is. That's it. Then I'll go over there later."

Alexis rolled her eyes at him. "I don't know what the big deal is, she's just a girl like every other girl you know. What's the difference between her and Willow?"

"Willow is Willow, and this girl's…not. She's new and…and pretty. Will you do it, Alexis?" he asked, pleading in his voice.

"Only if you march your butt over there sometime before dinner and talk to her. This is the last time I'm going to be your social director. Come high school you're on your own, little brother."

Angel's face brightened. "I'll do it. I promise I will. Thank you thank you thank you!" He jumped up from his spot on the porch and ran into the house.

"What a loser," Alexis mumbled under her breath as she headed down the driveway. 'Why do I always let him sucker me into this kind of stuff? Did I have bad karma in last life or something?'

From her seat on the front porch, the girl watched as Alexis walked toward her. She inwardly sighed, happy to find out that there was someone her own age in the neighborhood. Even though she'd seen Angel sitting across the street, she did not want to interrupt his reading by introducing herself.

"Hi," Alexis greeted, flipping her long brown hair over her shoulder. "I'm Alexis Brennan. I live across the street."

The girl smiled. "Buffy Summers. My mom and I just moved her yesterday. It's nice to meet you."

"Same here. I thought I'd come over and say hello; you know, be the unofficial welcome wagon. Where did you move here from?"

"Los Angeles. My mother is opening up an art gallery in town, so we had to move here," answered Buffy.

Alexis smiled at her. Buffy seemed nice; perfect for her younger brother. 'Maybe Buffy is what Angel needs to get him out of his shell,' she thought. "Sunnydale's not half bad for a small town. There's not a lot to do around here as you'll soon discover. You're in high school, right?"

"Yeah. I'm going to be a freshman."

'I knew it!' "Really? So is my brother."

"The boy who was reading on your front porch a little while ago?"

"Uh-huh. Angel's a bookworm. If he's not sleeping, he's reading," Alexis informed the new girl. "I'm certain he'll come over and say hi when he's done with his chores."

"I'd like that a lot." Buffy had to admit to herself she found Alexis' brother cute when she first laid eyes on him. She'd loved the way his dark hair fell across his face. "What grade are you going into?"

"My junior year. As much as I hate to do this, I should get back before my mother wonders why the laundry isn't folded yet. We will have to get together sometime this week and hang out. Once you get settled in, of course."

Buffy grinned at the invitation. "Sure, anytime. Thank you for stopping over, Alexis."

"Anytime. Oh, and call me Lexie, everyone else does."

---

Biting his lip and closing his eyes, Angel pressed the doorbell of the Summers residence. His sister had pushed him out the door after giving him all the information he'd requested about Buffy, then she proceeded to lock all the doors and refused to let him back inside until he'd talked to her. He'd never hated his sister more than he did at that moment.

A woman who didn't look much older than thirty years old answered the door. "Hello," she said.

"H-Hi," he stuttered. "I came over to say hi. To B-Buffy." 'Smooth, Angel. Real smooth.'

She opened the door for him. "Come on in. I'm sure my daughter will be thrilled to have a visitor. Have a seat, um…what is your name?"

"Angel. Angel Brennan. I live right across the street."

"Okay. I'll get her for you, Angel." Buffy's mother climbed up the first three steps of the staircase and called for her daughter. "Buffy! Somebody is here to see you!"

Thirty seconds later she bounded down the stairs to the first floor.

"Who is it?" she wanted to know.

"An Angel Brennan. He said he lives across the street."

"Cool. Thanks, Mom." Buffy entered the living room, seeing the dark-haired boy from across the street sitting on her living room couch.

"Hi, Angel. I'm Buffy. Your sister said you were going to stop by and say hello."

If it were possible, Angel thought Buffy looked even prettier up close. Her blonde hair cascaded down her back and fanned her face like a halo. And her eyes were the loveliest shade of greed he'd ever seen. Despite being barely five feet tall there was something larger than life about her.

"Yeah. Is that your mom? She looks really young."

"She is. She's only thirty-one. Mom had me when she was still in high school."

"Wow." Sensing an uncomfortable silence coming on, Angel did his best to avoid it. "My sister tells me you're from Los Angeles."

"Yes. I didn't want to move here. It's never easy being the new kid in school. I hate the fact that I don't know anyone or anything around here." Buffy took an instant liking to the tall, lanky boy who lived across the street from her.

"You know me. And I know everything there is to know about Sunnydale. I can show you the sites," he offered. 'Where the heck did that come from? I *never* do that. Way to scare her off, Angel.'

Her entire face lit up at his offer. "You'd do that? Wow, thank you so much. Maybe you can introduce me to some of your friends, too. The only two people I've met since I moved here are you and your sister."

"Are you busy tomorrow afternoon?" he asked.

Buffy shook her head. "Nope. I need to get out of this house, I am sick and tired of unpacking boxes. And I know my mom won't mind getting rid of me for a few hours. I think she's sick of hearing me complain about it. So you've got yourself a date."

'A date? Wait until I tell Lexie this one. I have a date with the new girl!' "Great. See you at eleven?"

"Works for me."

When Angel returned home ten minutes later, he knew something important had just happened. Buffy Summers had stolen his heart.

---

"Angel?" Willow asked for the second time. As soon as she'd mentioned Buffy's arrival her friend seemed to turn to stone. He had turned to look in the blonde's direction and stared without blinking. 'Here goes The Buffy and Angel Show all over again,' she thought. "Earth to Angel."

He shook himself out of his reverie and faced his friend again. "Sorry, Will. Did you say something?"

"Just your name about forty times," the redhead exaggerated. "But just like in high school, Buffy enters the room and everything said to you goes in one ear and out the other."

"That's not true," disagreed Angel.

Willow scoffed. "Please, it's so true and you know it. Are you gonna say hi to her or what?"

"Didn't you just ask me that question?"

"And I'm still waiting for an answer."

"And I still don't know."

---

"Here we are, the Sunnydale High gymnasium," Griffin announced. "Couldn't the reunion committee have held it someplace a little more upscale? It smells like old socks in here."

Buffy inwardly groaned, wondering why she'd even bothered bringing her husband along with her. In the back of her mind she knew he'd do nothing but complain until they left. "I don't know, Griffin. Why don't you go back out there and ask Amy Madison."

"Don't give me any ideas."

"Wouldn't dream of it," she muttered under her breath. She glanced around the decorated gym, hoping to see a familiar face or two. It didn't take long for her to find one. "I see Willow. I'm going to go over there and say hi. Are you coming?"

Griffin shook his head. "No thanks." He was aware of Willow's dislike for him and he wasn't in the mood to hear her pretend to be cordial to him. "I think I'll get something to drink."

"Okay." Buffy didn't bother arguing, knowing it would be futile.

Willow and Griffin would never get along no matter how hard she tried. And she had spent four years trying.

Swallowing her pride, Buffy walked over to where her former best friend stood talking to a tall, muscular, dark-haired man. She couldn't see his face and wondered who he was. But she could see Willow, and she hadn't changed at all in the nearly six years since they'd last spoken.

"Willow!" Buffy exclaimed when she reached the redhead's side.

Willow smiled in return. "Hi, Buffy. Wow, you look great. Doesn't she look terrific, Angel?"

The dark-haired man turned around and Buffy gasped. It was Angel, her Angel. The past decade had apparently been very good to him; he was even more handsome than she remembered. His brown hair was still styled in his trademark spikes and he had added about twenty or thirty pounds of muscle. One look in his coffee-colored eyes and all of her old feelings for him came crashing down on her.

Angel's face remained expressionless as their eyes locked. "Yes, she does."

"Angel," Buffy whispered. "I can't believe it. H-How are you doing?"

'Dammit!' he swore at himself. 'Act casual. Just because Buffy is even more beautiful than she was ten years ago doesn't change the fact that she broke your heart in a million pieces.' "I am well. How are you?"

"Good. It's great to see you."

Willow could almost feel the air between them crackle with electricity. Without a doubt, she knew whatever spark had been there ten years ago hadn't died over the years.

"Yeah, same here. Look, Xander and Anya just came in so I'm going to say hello. Will, I will catch up with you later." Planting a kiss on his old friend's cheek, Angel walked away without another word to Buffy.

She watched his hasty exit with sadness, knowing without a doubt she had been the reason for it. "He still hates me for not saying yes," she surmised.

"He doesn't hate you," Willow disagreed. "Hurt, maybe."

"I was too young for marriage, Willow. God, I was eighteen at the time, what did I know about being a wife? I barely knew what I was doing at twenty-two when I married Griffin. I wish Angel understood that."

"Here's an idea. Tell him," Willow suggested.

---

Buffy glanced at her husband, who was fidgeting his hands out of either nervousness or boredom. "You're bored, aren't you?" she asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. "A little, I suppose. I could really go for a cigarette right about now."

"Go ahead."

"You hate it when I smoke," he reminded her.

"You're right, I do. But if it'll get you out of this chair and keep you from fidgeting, do it. I'm sure there are plenty of bored husbands and wives outside for you to bond with."

Griffin patted Buffy's knee. "Thank you. I'll be back in five minutes."

"Take your time."

She watched as her husband left the crowded gymnasium. 'Now is my chance to talk to Angel.' With Griffin keeping an eagle eye on her, Buffy hadn't had an opportunity to clear things up with her ex. She knew Angel deserved an explanation, something he hadn't stuck around long enough to find out ten years earlier.

Searching the room, she found him conversing with Larry Munson, an old adversary of his. "Angel, can I talk to you?" she asked, interrupting his conversation.

"Buffy Summers," Larry began. "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes. Looking as beautiful as ever."

She gave him a dirty look. Even in high school Buffy hadn't liked Larry. He'd relentlessly pursued her, going so far as to beat Angel up when he learned Buffy would be attending the Homecoming Dance with him freshman year. Although if it hadn't been for Larry, she and Angel might never have started dating.

"Always a pleasure to see you too, Larry," she replied sarcastically.

"Angel, please."

He relented. "All right."

Buffy led him to the dance floor, where they could talk privately and not have to worry about someone trying to listen in on their conversation. As luck would have it, a slow song began playing and Buffy wrapped her arms around him. 'Feels like old times,' she said to herself.

It all came so easy, all the loving you gave me
The feelings we shared
And I still can remember how you touched me so tender, it showed me you cared
We had a once in a lifetime
But I just couldn't see it until it was gone
A second once in a lifetime may be too much to ask
But I swear from now on

"What did you want to talk about?" Angel asked.

"We've been here for three hours and you haven't said more than five words to me. I want to know why."

Angel frowned at her words. "I'm sorry, Buffy. I wasn't aware that I was supposed to fall at your feet when you walked in the door."

"What?" she said, incredulously.

"If you expected me to still be pining away for you, you're dead wrong, *Mrs. Montgomery*."

She didn't say anything right away. His words cut her deeply, making her realize her initial thoughts from earlier in the evening had been true.

If ever you're in my arms again
This time I'll love you much better
If ever you're in my arms again
This time I'll love you forever
This time will never end

"I get it. You hate me," she said to him.

"Hate you?" Angel raised his eyebrows. What Buffy said surprised him.

"No, no that couldn't be further from the truth."

Now it was Buffy's turn to be surprised. "You don't? But I thought…after what I did to you after graduation…"

"I never hated you for it."

"But you left three days after it happened," she reminded him. "You took off without a word to me."

He nodded his head. "I did. It wasn't because I hated you, it was because I felt hurt. And I knew seeing you everyday wouldn't help me heal. That's why I took off. I had to get away. Away from you and away from Sunnydale."

"I never knew. All this time….Angel, I'm sorry I never got to explain to you why I did it. You deserve a reason."

Now I'm seeing clearly how I still need you near me
I still love you so
There's something between us that won't ever leave us
There's nowhere to go
We had a once in a lifetime
But I just didn't know it 'til my life fell apart
A second once in a lifetime isn't too much to ask
'Cause I swear from the heart

"I think I do deserve one," Angel agreed.

Entering the gymnasium after his cigarette, Griffin caught sight of his wife dancing with a tall, handsome man. When they turned around, he fumed upon recognizing her dance partner. It was Angel. Buffy – his wife – was slow-dancing with her ex-boyfriend. Griffin knew how much his wife had loved the man, and it didn't escape his attention that she still cared a great deal about him.

With anger boiling in his blood, his stormed over to the dancing couple. He grabbed Buffy's arm and dragged her out of Angel's embrace. "Let's go."

"Griffin, what are you doing?" Buffy demanded as he yanked her out into the hallway.

"We're leaving. And then we're gonna talk."

Buffy wriggled herself from his grasp. "I'm not going anywhere with you until you tell me what's going on."

"Fine. We'll talk outside."

---

Angel stared helplessly as Griffin dragged Buffy out of the building. He couldn't for the life of him understand why he did such a thing. All they were doing was dancing and making polite conversation. Where was the fault in that?

He felt someone tapping his shoulder. When he turned, he saw it was Willow. "Angel, what's going on?" she wanted to know. "Why did Griffin grab Buffy like that?"

"I have no idea. But you can bet I'm going to find out," Angel replied. Ignoring the interested gazes in his direction, he followed Buffy and Griffin to the parking lot.

---

"Let. Go. Of. Me," Buffy demanded, pronouncing each word as if it were a new sentence.

Her husband did as she requested, dropping her arm from his grasp once they reached the parking lot. "You have an awful lot of explaining to do, Buffy."

She gaped at him. "*I* do? Excuse me, but who dragged who out of the school against their will? What the hell is going on with you?"

"You know exactly what's going on, don't play coy with me. The innocent, dumb blonde look never looked good on you. Tell me, is that the reason you told me to go out for a cigarette? So you could throw yourself at your ex?" Griffin shouted.

"What are you talking about?"

"I can't believe you would do this to me after all these years."

Buffy looked deep into his eyes. No longer were they the cerulean blue she loved, but a dark blue that bordered on black. She could tell he was doing his best to hold in his anger, though it wouldn't be long before he burst. She deduced that he was jealous of Angel, and his jealous side was one Buffy never did like.

Unbeknownst to either of them, Angel exited the school and listened to their confrontation from the shadows.

"Griffin, let me explain. You've got it all wrong." She needed to convince her husband that Angel was no threat to him.

"I know what I saw," he stated. "And I saw my wife dancing with another man. On top of that, you looked like quite comfortable in his arms. How do you plan to explain that to me?"

Buffy took a deep breath in preparation. She also did it to keep her tears inside; the last thing she wanted was for Griffin to see her cry.

"I love you. I married *you,* not him. Doesn't that tell you something?"

"Yeah, it does. It tells me you decided to take a little trip down memory lane with your precious ex. Tell me, Buffy, is it me you see when you fall asleep every night, or is it him?" demanded her enraged husband.

"That isn't fair."

"Neither is walking into a crowded room to find my wife in a cozy embrace with her high school sweetheart."

"Angel and I were talking. That's all," Buffy explained.

"About what? How much you miss him? Or how much he still cares for you? Anyone with halfway decent eyesight can see how much he's still in love with you."

She shook her head. "No. I wanted him to understand why…why I said no when he asked me to marry him all those years ago."

"You could have written him a letter or sent him an email. You had to press your body against him to get the point across? Or were you trying to entice him back to your bed?" he accused.

Buffy was outraged at the things her husband accused her of. "How can you say those things about me, Griffin? I never slept with him, you know that. We've been married for almost six years and have I ever given you any reason not to trust me?"

"You are not the woman I married. You're a whore."

From his place in the shadows, Angel watched in horror as Griffin Montgomery lifted his right hand and slapped Buffy so hard that her head snapped to the side from the sheer force of it. 'That bastard!' he swore, taking several steps toward the couple. But he stopped in his tracks when he saw Buffy strike her husband in return.

"Don't you ever slap me again!" she shouted. "You are blowing things way out of proportion. Whatever it is you think you saw you're mistaken. My dance with Angel was completely innocent. You are not thinking rationally, Griffin."

"I know what I saw," Griffin growled. "So of course you'd deny it. Get in the car, we're leaving."

"No. I'm not going anywhere with you. Especially not when you're like this," she refused. "Forget it."

"I'm not telling you again."

"Then don't. Just go."

Griffin grabbed her hand and yanked her the few remaining feet to the car. Buffy pulled her hand away. "Buffy…" he began.

"Keep your hands off of me," she warned.

"Fine!" he fumed. "Have it your way then. If you're not inside that car in the next thirty seconds I will leave without you. And don't think I won't leave you here. Because I will."

Buffy clenched her jaw. She was sick of letting her husband have his way all the time. If he expected her to back down he'd be sorely disappointed. "I don't doubt you will. Go ahead and leave me. I'll find my own way home."

"Where will you stay? With your ex?" he shot back.

"I'm a whore, remember? Why do you care?"

"I don't."

Griffin climbed into their rented car, started the engine and took off without a backwards glance at his wife. He was tired of her stubbornness and wanted desperately to teach her a lesson. Thanks to his influence she did not have many friends left in Sunnydale who'd be willing to take her in.

No sooner was he out of sight's distance when Angel reached Buffy's side. He couldn't see her face but could see she was trembling. "Are you okay?" Angel asked, placing his hand on her shoulder.

She slowly turned around, face-to-face with a concerned Angel. One look in his soft brown eyes and Buffy melted. She let herself fall into his arms and cry.

"Shh…" Angel comforted. "It'll be okay."

"H-He left me h-here," Buffy sobbed into his shoulder.

He ran his hand up and down her back soothingly. "I know he did, and he shouldn't have. Your husband was wrong, nothing happened between us during that dance we shared. You and I know that but apparently he doesn't."

"You heard us?"

"I think half the people at the reunion did. Do you want to go back inside after you calm down a bit?" he asked her.

She shook her head, sniffling. "No. I can't go back in there, Angel. I'm too embarrassed about what happened with Griffin."

"Well, what are you going to do? Just stay out here all night?" Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe. I don't know. I don't have anywhere *to* go. Griffin will be at the hotel and he's the last person I want to see at the moment. He hurt me so much when he said those things to me."

"I can imagine. Look, I don't want to sound presumptuous or anything, but if you want to you can stay at my place. I have an extra bedroom you can sleep in tonight. Or for however long you need," he offered.

"You'd actually let me stay with you?"

"Sure. It'll give us a chance to talk about things." She smiled through her tears. "All right then. Lead the way."

---

Buffy couldn't believe her eyes when she and Angel pulled up to his house. It wasn't a house, it was a mansion; the very same mansion he had proposed to her at. "Oh my lord. You actually live here?"

"Yep. I moved in about two-and-a-half years ago," Angel informed her.

"How did you manage to afford it? The place must have cost you an arm and a leg, unless they're paying you teachers better than I thought," she commented.

Angel shook his head, stepping out of the car, making his way around to the other side to escort Buffy out. "Not really. Believe it or not, I got it for a steal. The owner was so willing to get it off his hands that I made him an offer he couldn't refuse."

"So you did it. You told me you'd live here one day and here you are."

"I didn't do it all, though. I'm missing the wife and family part of my fantasy," he admitted, unlocking the door and holding it open for Buffy to enter.

"I'm surprised you haven't married yet."

Angel shut the door behind them, dropping his suit coat on one of the kitchen chairs. "Doesn't shock me," he mumbled. But he wanted desperately to change the subject. "Are you hungry? Or thirsty?"

"No thanks. I'm fine."

"Okay. Um…if you want, I can show you where the spare room is." Buffy nodded her head. "I'd like that." As they were heading down the hall, she touched his arm. "Angel, in case I forget to tell you later, thank you."

"You're welcome."

He showed her the spare room he had prepared for when his niece and nephew stayed over. It was a large, airy bedroom with a wooden canopy bed and a beautiful view of the lights of Sunnydale. Buffy stepped inside with her mouth agape, looking around with glee in her green eyes. Angel noticed the expression on her face. "I take it you like this room."

"I do. Tell me, do you always have a room ready in case a homeless ex needs a place to stay?" Buffy teased.

"Not exactly. I had this room set up for Emily and Steven when they visit."

"Emily and Steven?" she questioned. 'Who are they? Does Angel have children? Could it even be possible?'

He laughed, recognizing the look of surprise in her eyes and deducing what thoughts were going through her mind. "They are Lexie and her husband's children. Emily is eight and Steven is five. They live in Portland, so I don't get to see them very often but when they do come down to visit, the kids like to stay here. Emily, who is my goddaughter, thinks this place is creepy."

"She's right. When I was her age this place would have freaked me out as well. I'm twenty-eight and it is still creepy." She paused. "Maybe not so much now that you're living here."

Buffy had chosen her words carefully, very aware that under different circumstances it could be her home as well. She remembered how frightened she used to be just passing by the gothic-looking mansion. But being there with Angel at that moment, Buffy was no longer afraid of the old mansion. It felt like…like she was home.

"I know what you mean. But it still scares away solicitors."

She smirked. "I'll bet. Do you mind if I take a shower? I'd kinda like to get out of these clothes."

"Sure. The bathroom is right across the hall and there are nightgowns in the closet. I'll leave a couple of towels in there for you to dry off with. Then when you're done we can talk about what happened tonight at the reunion," Angel suggested.

"All right. I'll see you in a couple minutes."

---

Twenty minutes later Buffy emerged from the bathroom clad in a silky white nightgown she'd found in the closet. It fell loosely to the floor, the owner of it obviously had more of a curvaceous figure than she did. Buffy had laughed upon seeing her reflection in the mirror, thinking about the amount of plastic surgery she'd need to fill it out properly. Remembering what Alexis Brennan looked like, she doubted it belonged to her. No, it had to be one of Angel's ex-girlfriend's nightgowns.

No sooner had she entered the hallway when she was assaulted by Angel's dog. The black Lab stood on its hind legs, her front paws on Buffy's stomach and panting heavily. She immediately recognized the canine. "Is that you, Brandy?" Buffy asked. The dog barked in response.

From the living room, Angel sighed. His dog had always loved Buffy, and ten years later she hadn't forgotten the beautiful blonde. "Come here, girl! Leave Buffy alone."

Heeding her master's call, Brandy trotted back to the living room. Buffy followed, finding Angel seated on the couch still dressed in his shirt, tie and dress pants. Back in high school he hated dressing up. 'I guess things really do change,' she thought. "I can't believe you still have Brandy."

"I love this little dog," Angel told her, patting the Brandy on the head as she got settled at his feet. "And it looks like she hasn't forgotten you."

Buffy blushed, sitting down next to him. "It's nice to know someone hasn't."

He knew what she was insinuating but let the comment slide. "Feeling better now that you've showered?"

"Much better."

"I'm glad. Are you feeling ready to talk about what went down between you and your husband tonight?" he wanted to know.

"Griffin lost his temper. Simple as that," Buffy answered.

"Call it a hunch, Buffy, but I don't think it's as simple as that. I heard what he called you and I saw him hit you. I know you, or at least I used to. And the Buffy I know and love would never allow herself to be treated like that by anyone. Least of all a man who claims to love her."

'"The Buffy I know and love"? What did he mean by that? Does Angel still love me after all this time?' she wondered to herself. "Look, this was the first time Griffin ever hit me, and it will be the last. He doesn't usually act like that, but tonight…"

Angel nodded his head in understanding. "He sort of lost it when he caught you and I dancing together," he deduced. "So your husband slapped you and called you a whore because he was jealous of me?"

"It's more complicated than that."

"Then simplify it for me."

She looked down at her hands, embarrassed by what she was about to reveal to her ex-boyfriend. "I don't want to say that Griffin's possessive, because he usually isn't. It's just that he knows our history and what you mean to me. And he doesn't understand it. He never had with someone else what you and I shared. When he saw us together he jumped to the wrong conclusion."

"I don't believe it! You're defending the way he treated you, making excuses for him. Since when did you become a Stepford wife?"

"You don't know what my married life is like. You have no idea the sacrifices I've had to make, the hell I have been through and the hard decisions I had to make all by myself." Buffy paused, letting her words sink in. "Oh god, I gave up everything for him. I changed my entire life's course to make Griffin happy, and he didn't do a damned thing for me."

He watched her closely as she had her revelation. It was as if a light went on inside her head, and everything that had happened throughout her marriage had a different meaning. "Buffy? What's going on?"

"I cannot believe I didn't see it before. I gave up practically everything I ever wanted and everything I had when I married him. My friends, my family…they're all gone. Griffin completely separated me from them when we moved to Kansas."

"I'm sorry."

Buffy gazed at him. "Why? It's not your fault I married him and gave up everything to be with him, to make him happy. Is it your fault Griffin doesn't want to have children? No."

"He doesn't want to have children with you?" Angel couldn't imagine not wanting to have babies with her.

She shook her head, feeling tears stinging her eyes. "Nope. He doesn't like kids. Being a mother is all I ever wanted to be. And he has taken that away from me." Finally, the dam burst and Buffy let her tears fall down her cheeks.

Taking her in his arms as he had earlier that evening, Angel let her cry. "Just let it all out, Buffy. Cry if that's what you need to do."

"It isn't what I thought it would be like," she sobbed. "Sometimes I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I had to fight with him to work after the wedding, and he gets angry if I don't have dinner ready when he gets home from work every night. You know, I thought marriage was always a two-way street. Then why is it I feel like I'm driving in the wrong direction all the time?"

"It sounds to me like Griffin wanted a slave more than a wife," Angel noted. "But that's just my personal opinion."

Buffy lifted her head and made eye contact with him. "Tell me what it would have been like if we'd actually gotten married."

"Buffy–"

"Don't say it; don't say what I know you're gonna say. You have to understand that I was too young to be someone's wife back then. Hell, I was too young when I married Griffin. But I didn't say no to you because I wasn't in love with you; I'd loved you since I was fourteen. And those feelings haven't gone away. All I'm asking you to do is tell me where we'd be right now if I had said yes."

He thought about how he imagined them had they married, as if all the fantasies he'd had came true. "The wedding would have been after we graduated from college, when we both felt ready. By now we'd have a child; a little girl who looks just like you. I would be teaching Math at Sunnydale High like I do now and you'd be home with our daughter, writing that book you always told you were going to write. Of course, we would be living here and every Saturday night we'd have Xander and Anya over, and Willow and her companion would come visit once a month."

Gently, Angel pressed his right hand to her cheek. "And not a night would go by where I didn't tell you or show you how much I love you." With their eyes locked on one another, their faces moved closer and closer until their lips met in a soft, sweet kiss. Angel ignored the voice in his head that reminded him Buffy was a married woman. At that particular point in time he didn't care. All that mattered was that the woman he'd loved for half of his life was in his arms again. For Buffy, any thoughts of Griffin or her unhappy marriage settled in the back of her mind. All she could think of was how wonderful it felt to be in Angel's loving embrace once again. With him – and only him – she was alive.

"I love you, Angel," she moaned.

Angel looked at her. "What?" He wasn't sure if he'd heard her correctly.

"I said I love you," Buffy repeated.

"Do you mean that?"

Nodding her head, she smiled. "I mean it. Angel, I love you. I never stopped."

Angel wanted to burst with happiness. "Neither did I. You are the only woman I ever loved, Buffy."

"Tell me again. I need to hear you say it," she pleaded.

He placed his hands on either side of her face, forcing her to look him in the eyes. "I love you, Buffy Summers."

Rather than wait for her to reply, Angel lifted himself from the couch, taking her with him. She wrapped her long legs around his waist as he carried her down the hallway to his bedroom. Brandy trailed behind them, whimpering when the door was closed before she could enter. The dog cried, slumping to the floor in disappointment; she always slept in the same room as her owner.

---

Outside the room a few minutes later, Brandy raised her head upon hearing the sounds of moaning and squeaking bedsprings.

---

// "Do you, Buffy Anne Summers, take this man Griffin Michael Montgomery to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold from this day forward, to honor and cherish until death do you part?" the priest asked.

Buffy smiled at the man standing in front of her. But the face she saw wasn't that of the man whose marriage proposal she'd accepted. "I do."

"And do you, Griffin Michael Montgomery, take this woman Buffy Anne Summers to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold from this day forward, to honor and cherish until death do you part?"

"I do," Griffin replied without hesitation.

"Then by the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride." \\

Moonlight streamed through the bedroom window, blanketing the red fabric of the bedspread. Buffy opened her eyes after her dream ended, finding herself in Angel's warm, comforting embrace. She felt safe there, as if nothing could harm her while she lay in his arms. And she never wanted to leave them.

The only problem was, she knew she'd have to eventually. She couldn't hide in Sunnydale forever, protected by Angel's imposing home and warm bed. Buffy would have to face her husband at some point. It was something she dreaded more than anything. But the longer she remained in Sunnydale, the harder it would be to return to Kansas.

With a sigh and a heavy heart, Buffy quietly crawled out of bed and padded naked to the bedroom door. Silent as a mouse she opened it and headed for the spare room where she'd left her dress and shoes after her shower. In less than five minutes she dressed herself and wrote Angel a note explaining her disappearance. When she was done, she let herself out, promising to return.

---

The balding man standing behind the ticket counter of the Sunnydale Bus Depot smirked as the petite blonde walked up to him. "How can I help you, miss?" he asked.

She handed him her credit card. "I need a one-way ticket to Wichita, Kansas."

---

Angel awoke with a grin plastered on his face. The night before was one he'd been fantasizing about for the better part of fourteen years. No other woman he'd been with could have compared to Buffy; she'd been the perfection she knew she'd be. And from that moment on, Angel decided there would never be anyone else for him except Buffy Summers.

He rolled over, expecting to find her fast asleep next to him. But what he found shocked and dismayed him – a cold pillow. 'What the hell is going on?' he asked himself as he opened his eyes.

The bed was empty; the room was empty save for Brandy asleep at the foot of the bed. Looking closer, Angel saw no trace of Buffy ever having been there. His pants were on the floor and he wore nothing beneath the sheets, but that didn't mean anything as he often slept without clothing during the hot, humid summer nights. When Angel climbed out of bed, he deduced that his lovemaking with Buffy had been nothing short of a dream.

"Morning, Brandy," he groggily greeted his dog. "You wouldn't believe the dream I had last night."

After putting on his boxer shorts, Angel shuffled into the kitchen for his morning cup of coffee. On a typical morning he couldn't function without it, and he especially needed it right then. His sleep had been restful, but he couldn't get the images of himself and Buffy out of his mind. He chalked it up to having seen her the previous night.

"Why am I torturing myself like this? Buffy is a married woman. Maybe not a *happily* married woman, but she still has a ring on her left hand. There is absolutely no chance of a future with her. Last night proved it. It's time to get over her once and for all."

Still half-asleep, he opened the refrigerator door to grab a carton of orange juice. It was when he closed it that he saw the note taped to the door. His eyes widened as he read it over.

ANGEL,

IT ISN'T AN EMPTY PROMISE WHEN I SAY I'LL BE BACK, YOU HAVE MY WORD THAT I WILL RETURN. AND WHEN I DO, WE'LL BE FREE TO BE TOGETHER, JUST THE WAY WE WERE MEANT TO BE. I'LL CALL YOU WHEN I GET THERE.

ALL MY LOVE, BUFFY

"It wasn't a dream," Angel said. "We will finally be together. All I have to do is wait. And this time I won't screw things up."

---

Late Sunday night the cab pulled up to the Montgomery's home and Buffy stepped, wearing a frown on her face. She'd spent the better half of eighteen hours trying to figure out what to say to Griffin when she saw him. It wasn't going to be easy, but knowing that Angel would be waiting for her back in Sunnydale made it less difficult to deal with.

Griffin jumped up from the living room couch upon hearing the back door open. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw his wife walk into the kitchen. "Buffy, oh my god. I was so worried about you."

"Why?" she asked with a razor-sharp edge to her voice. "You left me in Sunnydale. By choice, I might add."

He put his arms around her, ignoring Buffy's biting tone. "You have no idea how sorry I am about that. I don't know what got into me."

Buffy condescendingly raised her eyebrows. "I know what got into you. Your insane jealously, that's what. And I am not going to take it anymore."

"It'll never happen again."

"Damn straight it won't. Griffin, I want a–"

Pulling back, he gazed into her cold eyes. "You're upset with me, I understand that. And you have every right to be. Nothing I say can make up for what I did, but I can tell you how much I love you. My only explanation is that I'm so afraid of losing you, and the thought if it tears me up inside. I can't live my life without you in it. Buffy, I didn't sleep all last night because I was so worried about you. I thought something might have happened to you out there."

"Well, when you leave your wife all alone fifteen hundred miles away with no place to stay…"

"I was a fool, an ass, a jerk–"

"Fucking asshole sums it up, I think," Buffy stated.

Griffin nodded. "You're right; you'll hear no argument from me. There's no way I can make it up to you. I said things that weren't true. God, I cannot believe I accused you of cheating on me. I know you would never do that to me, I don't even know why I said it."

"I know why."

"Because of Angel. Look, I know your history with him, and to walk into that school last night and see you dancing with him drove me crazy. I owe both you and him an enormous apology," Griffin said.

She walked past him and towards their bedroom. "I don't want one."

Griffin followed her, determined to make up for his behavior the night before. He didn't care how much he had to grovel. "I know you are angry with me, and you have every right to be."

"Angry? You think I'm *angry*? That's the understatement of the century. I don't even know who you are anymore, Griffin. The man I married would never have hit me."

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

Buffy whirled around, shooting daggers at him. "I am so sick of hearing you say that over and over again. Apologizing isn't going to change what you did to me."

"What else do you want me to say?"

She paused. Buffy wasn't sure what she wanted to hear from her husband. But an apology was the last thing she wanted. "I don't know, I honestly don't. All I know is that I can't live like this. I *won't* live like this anymore."

"You don't have to. Last night was a one-time thing; it won't happen again, I swear. Do you remember our wedding vows, Buffy?" he asked hopefully. "We promised to love and honor each other until death do us part. We can't let one little mistake screw up almost ten years of happiness."

'Love and honor, yeah I remember it. Oh god, I slept with Angel. I cheated on my husband, the one man who never walked away from me. The man who has loved me unconditionally for the past ten years,' Buffy thought. "I remember," she practically whispered.

Griffin closed the gap between them. It didn't escape his attention that she was wavering in her decision to leave him; he wasn't stupid, he knew that's what she had planned on doing. And he planned on taking advantage of her uncertainty. "We all make mistakes, love. I made the biggest of my life last night. Do you really want to throw away the last ten years because of something so trivial?"

"About last night…" she began.

"No. How about we forget last night even existed. We never went to Sunnydale, never went to the reunion, I never saw you dancing with your ex and I never behaved like the biggest ass on the planet. Agreed?" 'I have to tell him. Griffin has a right to know what I did last night.' "Look, last night I–"

He interrupted her with a kiss. "Never happened. We start fresh from this moment on."

"Start fresh?"

"A clean slate."

'He's my husband. I owe it to him to try to make things right. Maybe last night with Angel was a fluke, a one-time deal. Maybe he didn't mean those words he said to me. Griffin is committed to making our marriage work, I have to give it a chance, too. He doesn't have to know I slept with Angel.' "Okay. I can forget about last night."

Griffin grinned with exuberance. "Great! Now I'm going to show you what I had planned for us before everything got all messed up."

---

Buffy sat in her office the following afternoon, unable to concentrate on the article she was writing for her weekly column. She always wrote about her life experiences and how they changed her outlook on the world, but the only thing she could think of was Angel. And she knew she couldn't write about what happened between them on Saturday night.

After she and Griffin made up the night before, they'd made love, though her heart wasn't in it. Griffin had been the way Angel was on Saturday night – soft, gentle, loving and passionate all at once. But inside herself, Buffy knew it wasn't the same. Whenever she'd gazed up on her husband it wasn't him she saw. She imagined he was Angel, and it tormented her.

'How do I tell him? I love him but I can't be with him, I'm a married woman. I owe it to my husband to give our marriage a second chance. But I don't want to hurt Angel in the process,' Buffy said to herself. She couldn't believe the mess she'd gotten herself into.

Glancing at the clock on her desk, she saw it that it was only a little past noon in California and that Angel would be awake by now. She took a deep breath and dialed the eleven digits she'd written down early Sunday morning before she left Sunnydale.

The phone picked up on the third ring. "Hello?" Angel answered.

Buffy tried to speak but the words wouldn't form in her throat. Just hearing his voice sent shivers up her spine and caused her heart to race.

"Hello?" he asked again. "Is anyone there?"

She hung the receiver up, unable to utter a single word to the man on the other end of the line. Hearing his voice tore her up inside; she couldn't tell him over the phone. Instead, she picked up her pen and began to write.

---

By Wednesday afternoon Angel had yet to hear from Buffy, and it frightened him. After the scene he'd witnessed between her and her husband, he feared something awful happened to her. Even though she swore to him Griffin had never behaved violently toward her, he couldn't help but worry that the man might have hurt her when she tried to leave him. Angel tried to bite back the mental images of a bruised and bloodied Buffy. He didn't want to entertain the notion but found himself unable to stop it. He wouldn't rest until he found out what became of her after she left Sunnydale early Sunday morning.

Nobody seemed to know how to reach Buffy; it was as if she'd fallen off the face of the earth. Since Monday afternoon he had called both Willow and Xander, and neither of them knew how to get in touch with her. He tried the Wichita Telephone Directory and learned that Griffin and Buffy Montgomery had an unlisted phone number. Angel toyed with the idea of flying out there, but he had no place to start looking. All he could do was wait for Buffy to contact him. If she ever did.

He had spent Sunday afternoon sifting through his box of photos and reminders of his four years with Buffy. The majority of the day was spent reminiscing about the good times they'd shared. Of all the pictures packed into the box, only one truly sent him back in time – the photo taken of he and Buffy before they went out on their first official date.

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