"Lose Yourself "
Author:Michelle
Email: michellabella52478@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Lyrics are, "Walk Away" by Christina Aguilera and "Lose Yourself" by Eminem.
Notes: Sorry, this is my attempt at bitch-fic. I was so aggravated by
the end of this episode that I had to write it down. I'm considering stretching
it out into a longer fic if enough people are interested in it. I've got a
few ideas…
Additonal Notes: Please keep in mind that I've never written Gunn, Fred or Lorne
before. If they're way out of character, I apologize. And also, BIG spoilers
for "Apocalypse, Nowish" and the remainder of the season, based on Wanda.
Dedication: To Carrie and Pamela, who feel
the exact same way about Angel/Cordelia as I do.
"Oh god, Buffy," Willow exclaimed. "I cannot believe it. Are you positive?"
The Slayer nodded her head somberly. "A hundred percent positive; absolutely no mistake. I heard it with my own two ears and he didn't even try to deny it when I called him on it."
Willow wore an expression of utter disgust on her face. "Angel and Cordelia in love…it's gross is what it is. Ew! How could this happen? When he lived in Sunnydale Angel made it pretty clear he was in now way, shape or form interested in Cordelia."
"Apparently things changed. In a *major* way. Cordelia is a higher being now, whatever that means. The Powers That Be made her part-demon so she could carry the weight of her visions," Buffy explained.
"Cordy is a demon? That's a funny visual."
"Yeah, tell me about it. So now she's this angelic being who can do no wrong in Angel's eyes. Will, you should see her hair. She dyed it blonde! *So* not her color."
Willow couldn't help but laugh at the mental image. "What is she trying to do, become you?"
"I don't know. But whatever she's doing, it's working because Angel's infatuated with her. When I confronted him about it in November, he had the gall to say he was still in love with me. What a lie that was."
"I'm sorry, Buffy," the redhead comforted, hugging her best friend. "It must be so hard on you, especially considering the reason why he left Sunnydale to begin with."
Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "Six months later and I still can't comprehend it. I just have to learn to deal with it. I can't change the past."
"Are you gonna be okay? You know, seeing him today and all that."
"I'll be fine. I'm gonna do my best to avoid him; shouldn't be too hard, what with all the people helping us with the fighting."
The sound of the doorbell chiming interrupted Willow before she could speak. Excited voices traveled up the stairs to Buffy's bedroom where the two sat. Trying her best not to show it, Buffy paled. She didn't know if she was ready to face Angel and Cordelia, despite what she told Willow.
"They're here," she said.
"Ready?"
"Yep. Let's get this show on the road. The sooner it starts, the sooner it ends."
Standing up, the two of them left the bedroom and headed down the stairs toward the living room where everyone had congregated. Biting her lip, Buffy took a deep breath to prepare herself for what was to come. Instead of seeing the L.A. gang waiting for her, Buffy found Riley and Graham exchanging pleasantries with her friends.
"Hey, guys," she greeted, stepping into the room. 'Thank god it isn't Angel.' "Welcome to Apocalypse Central."
Riley turned around and saw his ex-girlfriend standing only three feet away. He could see she was wearing a forced smile on her lips and an apprehensive expression on her face. Innately, he knew it had nothing to do with the impending battle. "Buffy. It's great to see you again. It's been too long."
They tentatively embraced, not quite sure how to react around one another. "Way too long," she agreed. "A year-and-a-half to be exact. Is Sam here?"
He shook his head. "Nope, not that she didn't want to come. You made a big impression on her, but I made her stay in Argentina."
"How come?"
"She's pregnant."
"Oh."
"But she sends her love and wanted me to say hello to everyone." Riley paused for a moment. "Look, Buffy, I know things didn't go exactly the way we planned last time I was in Sunnydale. We didn't end things on the right note."
Casting a quick glance in Spike's direction, she frowned. "Not your fault, Riley. But you'll be happy to know I've ended it. That part of my life is over."
"Good to hear."
No sooner had the words left his mouth when the doorbell chimed once again. Exchanging an anxious look with Willow, Buffy's heart began to pound. There was no mistaking who stood on the front porch this time around.
Dawn ran to the door, eager to greet who was waiting on the other side. She couldn't wait to see the L.A. gang, especially Angel. The two had always shared a special bond. As soon as she opened the front door, the teenager squealed with delight. "Angel!"
"Hey, Dawn. I can't believe how tall you've gotten," the vampire commented, giving her a tight hug.
"I haven't seen you since…forever! You haven't visited in such a long time."
"Sorry. I had a crummy summer," he explained.
"So I heard." She looked at the four people standing behind him, recognizing Faith and Gunn, but not the other two. "Angel, who's the green guy with the horns?"
Lorne stepped inside, extending his arm toward the girl. "The name's Lorne, kiddo. I'm from Pylea."
"Is that near the Valley?" she wanted to know, shaking his hand.
He laughed. "A little farther away. It's another dimension."
"Cool. Come on in, guys." When Fred walked through the door, Dawn glared at the mousy girl. "You're human, right?"
Fred nodded her head, giggling nervously. "Yep, I'm all human. I'm Winifred Burkle, but you can call me Fred."
"Okay. I'm Dawn."
Everyone gathered in the living room stopped talking when Angel, Faith, Gunn, Fred and Lorne entered the room. Willow scowled at the vampire, Xander tried his best to keep his eyes off Faith, Giles smiled at the newly-arrived reinforcements, Graham inspected them, and Riley watched with interest as Buffy avoided eye contact with her former lover.
Wanting to keep minimum safe distance from Angel, Buffy took a seat on the far end of the couch. Taking a look around the room, she sighed heavily. 'Spike. Riley. Angel. Talk about uncomfortable positions to be in. If Parker were here I'd have a complete set of ex-lovers.'
"It's great to see everyone," Giles began. "And as much as I would love to play catch-up with each and every one of you, we haven't much time for idle chit-chat. We must get immediately down to business. Please have a seat so we may begin."
Each person found someplace to sit, Angel choosing the empty space on the couch next to Buffy. No sooner had he sat down when she slid as far away from him as possible. Her actions didn't go unnoticed by the vampire, who had hoped to say something to her before Giles started talking.
"As I'm sure you are all aware, the End of Days is beginning shortly. I've called all of you here because we need all the help we can get if we hope to win this battle; the more people fighting on our side the better. I know some of you have had your differences, but I hope you can put them aside and fight for the common good.
"The Scrolls of Aberjian state that the Hellmouth shall open, most of you have been fortunate enough to stop that that before, so we'll need your expertise," Giles said. "Some of you will be out in the front lines, going head-to-head with the demons. Some will help with research or in other forms of defense. Each one of you is important, so don't think for one second that you're not.
"I want you to split up into teams of two for a quick patrol tonight."
Riley cleared his throat. "Graham and I did a sweep before we got here. It's quiet as a mouse out there."
Giles nodded in approval. "Very good. I'd like you to rotate shifts for patrol, at least for tonight. Graham and Riley will patrol for the first three hours, followed by Buffy and Angel, then Faith and Spike. The object is to get as much information out of your enemy about the battles and such before killing them. Bear in mind this isn't a kamikaze mission. Report back with any vital information. Understood?"
Everyone nodded. Riley and Graham got up from their chairs and grabbed their supplies, ready for patrol. Seeing Angel looking in her direction, Buffy stood and headed for Faith, purposely avoiding him.
"I hope you're here to help and not cause trouble," the blonde Slayer said to the brunette one.
"Yes. Look, Buffy, I'm sorry about what happened last time," Faith apologized. "I know I can't change the past, but I'm gonna try to make up for it."
Tossing a quick glance at Angel, Buffy frowned. "You're right, you can't change it. No one can. We all have to live with our choices, no matter how selfish they are." She took a deep breath. "Well, I need to unwind before patrol. Anyone else wanna hit the Bronze with me for some R and R?"
"Buffy, do you really think this is a good time to be partying? I mean, we've got the End of Days going on," Willow reminded her best friend as they walked into Sunnydale's only club. "Dancing at the Bronze is the last thing we should be doing."
The Slayer rolled her green eyes. "You worry too much, Will. This is *exactly* what we should be doing. We need to relax and unwind before the battles begin. You heard Giles, he agrees with me."
"I know what you are doing. You're trying to keep your mind off Angel."
"I'm trying to keep my mind off the fact that I will be fighting the biggest battle of my life any day now. Saying I'm here because of Angel is giving him entirely too much credit. I just want to relax and unwind. Is that such a crime?" Buffy demanded.
Willow frowned as they found a table to sit at. "Don't be mad at me. I'm worried about you, that's all. Not to mention you have patrol with Angel tonight…"
"Yeah, don't remind me," she said with a groan. "I cannot stress how much I'm not looking forward to that."
"You should have asked Giles to pair you up with someone else."
Buffy nearly laughed at the suggestion. "Who, exactly? Riley, so he can talk about his pregnant wife? Or Spike, who'll try to slither his way back into my bed again. Graham hates the sight of me; I don't trust Faith as far as I can throw her, I don't care how much time she spent in prison. At least with Angel I know what I'm getting myself into. A boat-load of pain and angst, but it beats the alternatives."
"If I ask you a question, do you promise not to bitch-slap me?"
"What?"
"Are you still in love with him?"
Sigh sighed; it wasn't the question she'd been expecting. And it was one she didn't have an answer for. "I'm not sure anymore. Do I think about him every single minute of every day like I did back in high school? No. But I think a part of me is always going to be in love with him. And that's the part that hurts whenever I see him."
"Maybe it'll be good to talk to Angel about it during patrol. Don't let things fester."
She looked up, seeing the L.A. gang enter the club. They headed right for their table. "Things have been festering for six months. And I was fine until he walked through my front door. My only saving grace is that Cordelia didn't join them on the trip here. I probably would have gone postal if she'd come."
A shadow fell over her and she knew who it belonged to, even without seeing the expression on Willow's face. "Mind if we sit down?" Gunn asked the two of them.
"Sure," Willow told him. She watched as Gunn, Faith, Fred, Lorne and Angel all grabbed empty chairs from nearly tables. It didn't surprise her that the vampire placed his chair next to Buffy's.
"Hope you don't mind we came, Buffy," Angel stated. He'd been hoping to talk to her since he'd arrived in Sunnydale. And he was somewhat hurt when she all but ignored him at the house.
Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "It's a free country. I'm not your keeper anymore, Angel; you can do whatever you want."
Faith watched the exchange with raised eyebrows. "Am I missing something here?" she wanted to know. The last she'd heard, Buffy and Angel were still close. The tension between them made no sense to her.
"Nope," Buffy answered. "If you'll all excuse me, I need to move."
The six people at the table watched with interest as Buffy sauntered onto the dance floor and procured herself a dance partner.
I was naïve, your love was like candy
Artificially sweet, I was deceived by the wrapping
Got caught in your web and I learned how to bleed
I was prey in your bed and devoured completely
"Whoa, B," Faith commented as she saw her sister Slayer grind against the poor boy she was dancing with. She'd never seen Buffy act that way before. "What the hell is she doing, trying to make the smoke alarm go off?"
Angel shook his head. "She's trying to get to me."
"That girl has got some serious moves. It's gotta be said, Angel, and I mean no disrespect. But your Slayer…well, let's just say it's no wonder you lost your soul when you were with her," Gunn noted.
"She's not normally like this, Gunn. Something is eating at her."
Lorne looked at his friend. "You gonna do anything about it before that boy out there gets the wrong idea and she goes all Jerry Springer on him?"
"You bet I am."
Getting out of his chair, Angel made his way to the center of the dance floor, where Buffy was dancing with the nameless boy. Tapping the dark-haired young man on the shoulder, he scowled at him and wordlessly told him to move away from Buffy. When he did, Angel immediately took his place.
And it hurts my soul cause I can't let go all these walls
are cavin' in
I can't stop my sufferin'
I hate to show that I've lost control 'cause I
I keep goin' right back to the one thing I need
To walk away from
I need to get away from ya, need to walk away from ya
Get away, walk away, walk away…
Buffy didn't need to be told of her change in dance partners; she could tell by the way he held her it was Angel, even with her back to him. His all-too-familiar embrace made her heart rate spike, as well as her anger. All she wanted to do was get away from him for five minutes, but he wouldn't let her.
"I know it's you, Angel," she said, placing her hands over his at her waist. "What are you doing?"
"I'm dancing with you," he replied as if it were that simple. "It's been a long time. Four years if I'm not mistaken."
"You're not mistaken."
Angel bent down to whisper in her ear. In doing so, he caught a whiff of her familiar shampoo, toppling him back in time to the first time he ever smelled it. 'Stop it,' he told himself. 'You're not here to reminisce.' "I want to talk to you."
"I didn't come out here to talk."
"Well I did."
I should have known that I was used for amusement
Couldn't see through the smoke, it was all an illusion
Now I've been lickin' my wounds, but the venom seeps deeper
We both can seduce but darlin' you hold me prisoner
"I have nothing to say to you."
He had to close his eyes when Buffy thrust her rear end against his groin and rotated her hips. If she was trying to drive him crazy, she was succeeding. "I think that mating ritual you were involved in with that boy said plenty. Were you trying to make me jealous like when you did it with Xander?"
"Is it even possible to make you jealous anymore?" she shot.
"Would I be out here, allowing you to grind your ass against my pelvis, if it weren't possible?" Angel retorted.
"I don't know, Angel. I hardly know who you are these days."
Oh I'm about to break, I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your allure, and I'm fiendin' for a cure
Every step I take leads to one mistake
I keep goin' right back to the one thing that I need
I'm about to break and I can't stop this ache, getting nothing in return
What did I do to deserve the pain of this slow burn
And everywhere I turn I keep goin' right back to the one thing that I need
To walk away from
I need to walk away from ya, need to walk away from ya
Get away, walk away, walk away…
"He has some major willpower," Gunn commented, never taking his eyes off the couple on the dance floor. "I don't know how he does it. I'd be ready to pop like a bottle of champagne if she was all over me like that."
"It's called years of practice," Faith informed him. "You are looking at the king and queen of unresolved sexual tension."
Fred sat flabbergasted at Buffy and Angel's dance. "Talk about kerumption."
"Huh?" Willow asked her. "What's kerumption?"
Lorne pointed to the dancing couple. "They are the embodiment of kerumption."
Every time I try to grasp for air, I am smothered in despair,
it's never over, over
Seems I'll never wake from this nightmare, I let out a silent pray
Let it be over, over
Inside I'm screaming, begging, pleading no more
Now what to do, my heart has been bruised, so sad but it's true
Each beat reminds me of you
"You know me, Buffy," he said to her softly, his voice barely above a whisper in her ear. "You know me better than anyone else."
"Even your precious, saintly Cordelia?"
Angel took an unnecessary breath. "I didn't come here to talk about her. In fact, she's the last person I want to talk about right now."
"Why not? Now is as good a time as any."
"Not here."
Turning around, Buffy looked him in the eye for the first time since his arrival in Sunnydale. With her pointer finger, she traced a line from his chin down the front of his shirt. She slid both hands to the hem of his untucked shirt and slipped them underneath, feeling the cold skin of his chest. "Where would you prefer to talk about it?"
"Certainly not here. I don't like an audience."
She smirked. "Could have fooled me. You seem to be enjoying yourself," Buffy said, casting her eyes downward. "But it begs the question, are you thinking about me or her?"
Not saying another word to him, she walked off the dance floor and right out the exit of the Bronze. Willow, having seen her friend storm out, got up and started to chase after her when Angel came by, shaking his head at her. The redhead knew something had happened between them, and by the look on Angel's face he wanted to take care of it.
"Talk to me, Buffy," Angel practically pleaded, following her the half mile to the nearest cemetery. So far, the Slayer had been unresponsive to his requests.
Letting out an angry sigh, Buffy whirled around. "Can't you leave me alone? I don't want to be around you right now."
Angel took a step closer. "You're mad. That's not the best state of mind to be in during patrol. Causes mishaps and stupid mistakes."
"Thank you, Giles. I think after seven years I know how to do my job. Why the hell are you following me?"
"We have to patrol together. Remember?"
"Unfortunately. What do you say we patrol separately? I take one end of town and you take the other," the Slayer suggested.
He tried to reach out to her but she backed away from his touch. "I want to talk; try to make things right with you, but you wouldn't let me at the Bronze. You're angry and hurt, and you have every right to be." "Damn straight I do. Do you know why?" She didn't bother to wait for an answer. "If there was one thing I could always count on, it was your love. Then you go and fall in love with Cordelia. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?"
"I didn't plan it. The whole thing sorta just happened," Angel explained.
"Whatever. Why did you come to Sunnydale, Angel? Was it to torment me with your new life?"
He eyeballed her. "It's not like you haven't done the same thing to me. But that's not the point. You know why I'm here, Buffy."
Buffy smirked at him, tapping her foot on the grass impatiently. "Oh yeah, that's right. How could I have forgotten? When this whole End of Days thing is over, you get your shamoo, or whatever it's called. Well, that explains it. You'll be a regular Joe and you can go back to Los Angeles and be as happy as you want with your precious Cordelia."
The anger that had festered within her reached a boiling point, and she shook with rage. Angel could see her try to hold it in, but he knew it wouldn't stay in forever. He had to find a way to let it out before she exploded. "Why not? You got your kicks from Spike, it's sick just imagining it."
"I wasn't in my right frame of mind. You know that," she hissed. Her control was slipping. "Is that what you are blaming it on? I bet you knew from the very beginning how twisted that relationship was. But yet you kept on doing it for months."
Buffy backhanded him. "Screw you. You don't know what last year was like for me. You were too busy playing daddy with your kid and Cordelia."
'Finally. Now if she'll only let it all out, we can really get down to business,' thought the vampire. "Is that all you got, Buffy? Come on, let it out. You know you want to beat the hell out of me. It'll make you feel better."
"Don't tempt me."
"I'm not tempting you. Go for it, I won't stop you."
Not about to turn down his offer, Buffy swung at him. Her punch caught him square in the jaw, knocking his head to the side. He took another one, this one to his left cheek. Angel did not even try to fight back when she kicked his legs out from under him, and he fell to the ground with a thud. She noticed it as well.
"Why aren't you fighting back?" she demanded, her face red and tears stinging her eyes.
"Why bother? You need to do this," he answered.
Whipping out her stake, Buffy held it over his heart. Angel only stared at it as she pressed the wooden tip against the material of his shirt.
"Aren't you afraid I'll use it?"
He shook his head. "You wouldn't. You couldn't."
"What makes you think that? I sent you to Hell once. You think I don't have it in me to dust your sorry ass?"
"No. Not when you need me."
"I saved your life, too, and I can take that gift away just as easily," Buffy threatened.
"It's not in you, Buffy. You have too much good in you to do it. And you care too much about me to ever kill me for real."
She raised her eyebrows, putting away her stake. "Well, Dr. Phil, what makes you think I still care?"
"The way your heart pounds when I'm near. And the fire in your eyes whenever I mention Cordelia's name."
Aggravated with herself, and the shift in the conversation, Buffy turned around and walked in the opposite direction, wanting desperately to get away from him.
"I'm not with her!" Angel called after her, standing up. "Cordelia and I aren't together."
"Why not?" she asked, facing him again. "Is it because of Angelus?
'Cause I heard about his return earlier this year. Was Cordelia driven away at the prospect of being his object of obsession? Or was she still more concerned about her car than the people around her?"
"She got pregnant."
Buffy's jaw dropped. "What? You know, for someone who isn't supposed to be able to father children, you are awfully potent. I find it funny that you've had more sex in the last five years than you did in almost an entire century. Me, Dru, Darla and Cordy. And you make comments about the number of guys I've slept with."
"I never slept with Cordelia."
"You'd be the first, then. Tell me, exactly how did Cordy get pregnant?" 'Stupid question, Buffy.'
"It's not mine. She's pregnant with…my grandchild."
"Excuse me? You mean to tell me she slept with your kid? Isn't Connor a little young to be having sex with a twenty-two year old?"
"Apparently not," he muttered unhappily. "A week after you left she told me she loved me, but couldn't be with me because of what she saw Angelus do to you. She couldn't live with that kind of responsibility. Less than twenty-four hours later I saw her having sex with my Connor. I couldn't face her after that, the whole scene was incestuous in my mind, maybe because I imagined her as Connor's mother. Anyway, in January she announced her pregnancy. I haven't spoken to either of them in months."
"Hurts, doesn't it?" she asked, feeling somewhat bad for him. "Knowing that the one you love has moved on."
"It hurt more with you," Angel admitted. "When you came to L.A. and rubbed Riley in my face. That hurt. Cordelia betrayed me, but never broke my heart. You, Buffy, are the only woman with the power to do that."
After their confrontation during patrol the night everyone arrived, Buffy and Angel avoided one another like the plague. They did not speak to each other or look in the other's eyes. Awkward uncomfortableness kept them as far away from one another as possible. If anyone in their respective groups noticed, they didn't mention it. The only person who commented on it was Riley, but Buffy told him everything was fine.
A week passed by before they had a solid lead on the happenings for the End of Days. Faith and Spike – who had become quite cozy since their first official meeting – found out during their sweep of the cemeteries that the demons and vampires in town were setting up shop at the high school.
"Right on the Hellmouth. There's a big shock," Xander commented with sarcastic undertones. "Lemme guess, they're centering in the principal's office."
"Probably, since that's where the Hellmouth will open," Buffy stated. Willow made a sorrowful face. "Does anybody else miss the good old days when the Hellmouth would open up in the library? It seemed so much roomier. Lot's of space to kick demon ass. Somehow the principal's office seems so cramped and crowded. Not to mention we had all of our weapons right in the library."
"I don't think we need to worry about the size of the office too much, Willow," Angel told her. "Once it opens, the walls in the office will completely disappear. We'll have plenty of room."
"The vamp we were discussing it with said it's going down tomorrow night at midnight," Faith informed them. "Everyone's congregating in the basement before heading upstairs for the grand re-opening of the Hellmouth. I'm sure Spike and I could have gotten more out of him if he hadn't made me mad enough to stake him."
Giles smiled at his former charge. He could not believe how much she'd changed during her three years in prison. "You did fine, Faith. You obtained more information than we had to work with before."
"What's the plan?" Riley wanted to know.
"We hit 'em at sunset," Buffy stated matter-of-factly.
"Why sunset?" questioned Angel. "Wouldn't it make more sense if we get them during the day? They'll never see it coming. And if there are a lot of vamps there, they can't exactly go anywhere."
The Slayer glared at his suggestion. She'd never heard him come up with something so asinine. "Sure, it's a terrific idea, Angel. Attack them in the middle of the day. And where exactly do you plan on being during all of this? Oh yeah, that's right, you'll be a crispy critter."
"Sewers," he suggested.
Giles shook his head. "Unfortunately not. When they built the new high school they didn't include any sewer access. Security measure, I suppose. We go with Buffy's plan. Sunset."
"Everyone knows what they need to do, right?" Buffy asked as the group gathered at the front entrance of the high school. The sun had set ten minutes earlier and they wasted no time in arriving at the Hellmouth.
"Yep" "Yeah" "Yes" and "Uh-huh" were the answers she received.
"Good. Lorne, Fred and Willow, I want you three to find a safe room to stay in while we're fighting. When I give you the signal through the walkie-talkie, you begin the protection spell. The rest of you split up and take out as many vamps and/or demons as you can. I don't want any of you to play the vigilante hero tonight; if you get into trouble, call for backup. I want there to be no fatalities. Especially civilians." Buffy focused her eyes on Xander.
He held up his stake. "Yes, ma'am."
Buffy kicked open the door of the school. "Let's kick some serious demon ass. Everyone turn on your walkie-talkies and be careful." The group split up. Lorne, Fred and Willow headed to the second floor to set up their magic stuff, Xander and Gunn accompanying them. Faith and Spike walked down the hall to the basement; Riley and Graham turned in the opposite direction toward the cafeteria. Buffy, Angel, Giles and Wesley – who'd arrived a few hours earlier – made a beeline for Principal Wood's office.
"It's awfully quiet in here," Buffy noted, gripping Mr. Pointy in her right hand.
Angel nodded in agreement. "Too quiet. I don't like it one bit. It smells like a trap."
"What makes you think that, Angel?" Giles asked.
"Very simple. If I were involved in bringing about the end of the world, I'd set a trap for my enemy first. It makes more sense to do that before the battle begins. Get the upper hand."
The Slayer snorted. "You ought to know, Angel. You *are* the expert," she commented, recalling the time when he summoned the demon Acathla.
He ignored her biting words as best he could. It killed him inside to know how much she hated him. Angel promised himself by the time he returned to Los Angeles he'd make things right between himself and Buffy again.
Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted
Would you capture it or just let it slip away?
The four of them opened the door to the principal's office, finding it empty. None of the four were at all shocked at the discovery, but were surprised that the room was twice its normal size. The wall to the east had been torn down.
"Looks like the demons don't want to be cramped when they fight us," Buffy said.
"Actually, no," a voice from behind them answered. "This way when the Hellmouth opens and swallows you whole, the wall won't collapse on us. We're a forward-thinking group."
They turned around, face-to-face with a cadre of vampires. Needless to say, the Slayer wasn't impressed with her enemies. "Have you thought forward enough to decide where you want me to spread your ashes after I dust you?"
"You will not defeat us, Slayer. We outnumber you ten to one."
"Wanna bet?" she countered.
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
"There's nothing down here except for rats," Faith said to Spike. They had searched every inch of Sunnydale High's basement.
"For a bunch of demons bringing about the End of Days, you'd think they'd be ready to party. But there's not a bloody trace of them. Damn slippery bastards."
Faith turned in a full circle, gripping her stake tightly. "This makes no fucking sense. Not a trace of any bloodsuckers anywhere down here. Present company excluded, of course."
"I can smell them. They were here, though. Headed upstairs, I bet."
"The Hellmouth," she deduced. "Right where B, Angel, Wes and Giles are. The damn vamps set a trap for us."
"We have to get up there," Spike said. The thought of Buffy being in grave danger filled him with fear.
As they ran up the stairs, the brown-haired Slayer ripped her walkie-talkie from her belt. "B, are you there? It's a trap!"
The soul's escaping, through this hole that is gaping
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king, as we move toward a new world order
A normal life is boring, but superstardom's close to post mortem
"No shit, Faith," Buffy mumbled, fending off the two vampires attacking her. She ducked under one's fist and swung her right leg out to knock the other one to the ground.
Looking around, she tried to locate the other people who'd entered the office with her. Each of them was busy fighting two or three vampires and/or demons. Riley and Graham had joined them a couple minutes earlier, having heard the ruckus of the battle. The person closest to her was Angel, but he was busy pounding four vampires simultaneously.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a group of demons chanting in the corner of the room. 'Oh god,' she thought. 'They're opening the Hellmouth right now! I have to stop them.' Not wasting another moment, she staked the two vampires in front of her and ran to the demons, picking up Angel's discarded sword on the way.
The souled vampire caught sight of Buffy, watching in horror as the ground shook under his feet. The floor opened up only two feet from where Buffy was standing. She fought four demons alone, but he knew she didn't stand a chance on her own. She needed his help. With the Hellmouth having opened and the snake-like demons slithering out of the cracks in the floor, it was virtually impossible for him to get over there on his own.
Thinking quickly, Angel backed up closer to the opening and held his stake in his hand. Two of the vampires he'd been sparring with ran at him, and he dropped to the ground. They flew over his fallen form, right into the hole in the ground. It took another minute for him to dispose of the last two.
He found Riley on the ground, a blonde vampire leaning over him. Whipping out his stake, Angel dusted the soulless creature before he could harm Buffy's former lover. "Thanks," Riley said.
"No problem. I need your help," Angel informed him, glancing around to make sure everyone was okay. Seeing Faith and Spike enter the room, he felt secure in leaving them to aid Buffy.
"Should have known you had an ulterior motive."
"As much as I'd love to beat the hell out of you for what you did to Buffy, now is not the best time. She needs my help." He pointed to the other side of the room.
Riley assessed the situation. Angel was right, Buffy was in trouble.
"Tell me what you need."
"I need to get over the Hellmouth and get to Buffy before they kill her. Are you going to help me?"
"I'm in. Let's do it."
Success is my only mothafuckin' option, failure's not
Mom, I love you but this trailer's got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem's Lot
So here I go, it's my shot
Feet fail me not, cuz this may be the only opportunity that I got
With Riley's assistance, Angel catapulted over the Hellmouth, landing only a few feet from the edge. Giving Riley the thumbs-up sign, the vampire ran to Buffy's side. If Buffy noticed him, she didn't let him know; she was too busy fighting the Kaldish demon in front of her.
Things weren't going well for Buffy, even after Angel arrived. She was tired and eager to get this finished. The demon she'd been fighting must have sensed it, because he took the opportunity to gain the upper hand.
He took several steps toward her, forcing the Slayer to back up. With one hard punch, he connected with her jaw and sent her flying backward. When he saw her falling back toward the opening of the Hellmouth, the world seemed to move in slow motion for Angel. He ran to her, shouting her name. But it was too late.
"How is she doing?" Faith asked Giles.
The Watcher shook his head sadly. "The same, unfortunately. There hasn't been any change in her condition in three days, which isn't a very good sign. Buffy hasn't even woken up."
"Is Dawn taking it all right?"
"She's in denial about the whole situation. The poor girl refuses to believe Buffy's seriously hurt. I don't think she can handle losing her again."
"Niblet doesn't deserve to go through that kind of pain," Spike added. "It was hard enough the first time around. A second time might just kill her."
Giles frowned. "I know. But right now all we can do is be there for her, and hope and pray for Buffy's speedy recovery."
"I think Peaches has that part covered."
"He hasn't left B's side since he brought her in. Angel hasn't slept or eaten in three days. That can't be good for him, being newly human and all that," Faith commented.
"He's trying to will her back to us. Right now it's a matter of simply waiting. I highly doubt the Powers would grant him his humanity and then take away his true love."
Angel sat in the empty chair to the left of Buffy's hospital bed, listening to the beeping sounds of the machines hooked up to her. He wanted to cry, to scream, to curse at the Powers That Be for being so cruel to him. Why, after close to seven years of fighting for them, would they give him life and take Buffy's away? It wasn't fair. He took her lifeless hand in his, placing it against his dry lips.
"Wake up, Buffy. Please, I'm begging you. I'd give up everything the Powers gave me these past few days just to see your beautiful green eyes looking up at me. And to see your smile. Come on, don't torture me like this, the last six months have been hard enough. I can't live without you in my life."
Far away, Buffy heard his voice. It was Angel; she'd recognize his voice anywhere. He sounded broken and battered, as if he had been crying for hours on end. With all the strength she could muster, she muttered his name. "Angel…"
The first thing he thought when he heard her say his name was that his mind had been playing tricks on him. Lack of sleep and food made him think he'd heard her sweet voice. It wasn't until he saw with his own two eyes her eyelids fluttering that he was truly convinced.
"You're awake. Oh god, you're awake." Jumping up, he gently kissed her forehead and ran out the door in search of a doctor. Grabbing the first one he came across, Angel dragged him into the room.
The doctor approached the patient, who was struggling to rip the tubes from her nostrils. "Buffy? Can you say something to me?"
She blinked, trying to focus her eyes on him. "Who are you?"
"I'm Dr. Cruz."
"Like Tom Cruise?"
He laughed. "Almost."
Buffy pulled on the tubes again. She knew she was in the hospital, hooked up to various machines. "Take these things out of me. I want to go home now."
"Soon, but not yet. I understand you don't like hospitals, Buffy. But it's going to be a couple of days before you get to go home. We have to make sure there's no permanent damage."
"I'm fine. I just have a headache."
"Given your head injury, that's not surprising. I have to ask you some questions, very simple questions. What is your full name?"
"Buffy Anne Summers," she answered. Glancing up, she saw Angel standing next to Dr. Cruz. "Angel."
The former vampire grinned and walked to the side of the bed. "I'm right here, Buffy. What do you need?"
She took a deep, labored breath. "I want you to get out. I don't want you anywhere near me. Just go back to L.A.."
"You can't mean that," he argued.
"Go!"
Dr. Cruz took hold of Angel's arm, pushing him gently toward the door. "I think it would be best if you did leave, young man. We don't want to agitate her."
Looking forlornly at Buffy, Angel felt his heart break. She wouldn't even look in his direction. "I'll be in the waiting room if you need me," he told her.
"I won't."
Feeling dejected but abiding by her wishes, Angel walked out of her hospital room. He choked back a sob as he headed down the hall. For a moment, he had his love back, only to have her push him away for the upteenth time. Even if he had to spend the rest of his mortal life trying, Angel was determined to win her back.
The group of people sitting in the waiting room saw the sad expression on his face when he entered.
Dawn shuddered against Giles. "Angel? No, no, she's not gone."
He bent down in front of the teenage girl. "Dawn, she's fine. She woke up a few minutes ago. The doctor's in with her right now."
Relieved, she threw her arms around him. "Thank heavens."
"This is wonderful news, of course," Giles began. "But you don't look very happy, Angel. Is something wrong with her?"
Angel shook his head. "No. As far as I could see, Buffy's going to be as good as new. Her memory seems to be fine despite the pounding she took. It was fairly evident when she kicked me out of her room."
"She did what?" Faith questioned. "You've got to be kidding me. Why the hell would B do that to you of all people?"
"She hates me. Buffy thinks I betrayed her, which I did," he told the group.
"What did you do this time, Dead Boy?" Xander asked.
He took a deep breath. God it felt good to breathe again. "I told her I was in love with Cordelia."
"You have no idea how worried everyone has been," Willow told Buffy a day later when she stopped by for a visit. "You were unconscious for three days."
"I didn't mean to scare everyone," the Slayer apologized. "But from what I've heard, you guys did a great job once I was out of commission. We won."
Willow smiled. "Barely. It was hard without you to help us, though. When Angel came in and told us what happened…do you remember what happened?"
"Not really. I was fighting a bunch of demons and the next thing I knew, I woke up in the hospital. The doctor told me I hit my head on something."
"Riley helped Angel get over the Hellmouth so he could fight with you. He said it was four against one and he wanted to even up the odds a little bit. Things were going okay for a while until one of them cornered you. You backed up and lost your balance, and fell into the Hellmouth. Angel saw it and jumped in to save you. I wish I knew how he managed to get you out, but he just did. He put you on the ground, killed the rest of the demons himself, and then checked on you. Buffy, you'd smashed your head against the wall of the Hellmouth and you were bleeding profusely. Angel was totally freaked out. After he told the rest of us what happened over the walkie-talkies, he carried you to the emergency room."
Buffy listened carefully to the tale her best friend told. It seemed so unbelievable to her. After all the things she said to Angel, he risked his life to save her. "A-Angel saved m-my life?"
"Yes. He didn't leave your side for a second when you were unconscious. Not for a single second, Buffy; not to eat, to sleep or even use the bathroom. If you'd have died, I think he would have died, too."
"No. He'd have gone on."
The redhead shook her head. "No way. Did you know…did he tell you he was granted his humanity when the battles were over?"
"He didn't get a chance to mention it." 'Probably because I kicked him out before he could spit it out.'
"The PTB came to him the day after he brought you here. Because of his heroic actions during the End of Days they made him human again. Same thing with Spike. But Angel told them that if you didn't make it he didn't want to be human."
Buffy looked out the window, seeing the sun shining in the cloudless sky. 'Is he out there right now? Sunbathing with Cordelia? Or out with Connor shopping for baby things?' "You know why he didn't tell me? Because I sent him away, Wills. I told him to go back to Los Angeles."
"Buffy–"
"I didn't even say thank you."
"You can tell him now. He's outside in the waiting room. Did you really think he'd leave?" Willow asked.
She swallowed the lump in her throat. When she told Angel to leave, she assumed he'd go without hesitation. "I want to see him. Can you have him come in here, Willow?"
"Sure."
Willow went into the waiting room, seeing Angel staring out the window just as Buffy had been doing only a few minutes earlier. While everyone else had remained at the Summers' house, he was the only one who had accompanied Willow to Sunnydale General.
"Angel?" she said. He looked up at her expectantly. "She'd like to see you."
"Really?"
"Really really. She's still tired, though," she warned him.
With renewed hope and faith, Angel headed for Buffy's room. He couldn't believe it when Willow said she wanted to see him. Only twenty-four hours earlier the Slayer sent him away. When he reached her room, Angel spied her through the window. Buffy's head rested against the pillows, her eyes closed.
"Buffy? It's me," he announced when he walked through the door. "Willow said you wanted to see me."
"Yes. She told me what happened to me."
"I'm glad you're okay. If something had happened to you–"
"I know," Buffy interrupted. "You were the one who saved my life when I fell into the Hellmouth. I wanted to say thank you."
He glanced down at the floor. "I did what I had to do."
"You could have died trying to get me out of there."
"It was a risk I was willing to take. I couldn't lose you, Buffy, not after all we've been through together. The thought of living in a world without you in it frightened me. I did it once and look where it got me."
"How did you get me out?" she wanted to know.
Angel shrugged his broad shoulders. "I don't know. I honestly don't. Something took me over once I grabbed you; it lifted us to the surface. There was a supernatural force; no words I can think of could ever describe it. But if I had to pinpoint it, I'd give credit to the Powers That Be. It wasn't our time to go."
"Willow also said you got your shanshu. Congratulations are in order, I suppose."
"Thank you."
"I guess now that I'm awake you'll be returning to L.A.," Buffy surmised. "Truthfully, I am surprised you didn't go back after what I said to you yesterday."
"I don't think I'll be going back there. I don't have anything hold me there anymore. The lease on the hotel is up next month, so I was giving serious thought to moving back here and living in the mansion again. That is, unless you have a problem with me being here."
She softly shook her head. "You have every right to move back here. The mansion is yours, you don't need my permission to live there. But what did you mean when you said there's nothing holding you to L.A.? What about Connor? And Cordelia? And the agency?"
"I'm not going to be any good to the agency if I'm human. Connor doesn't see me as his father, he never did and I doubt he ever will. I've been fighting a losing battle with him since he came here. And as for Cordy…my feelings for her weren't as strong as I once thought they were. I want to stay here to be near you."
"Near me?"
"Yes. I want to reconnect with you, Buffy."
"I don't want to be anyone's second choice, Angel. Especially yours."
"You're not my second choice, you never were. I realized that over the last four days. Cordelia's been my second choice, not you. Do you believe I ever would have developed feelings for her if I hadn't left in 1999? Not in a million years. I didn't start having fuzzy feelings for her until after you died. Then Connor was born and she became his mother in a way. She took over the role I always pictured you in. Cordelia started acting so much like you that I think I used her as a substitute for you."
Buffy bit her lip, looking into his deep brown eyes. There was regret pouring from them. "That doesn't change what you said – what I heard – back in November."
"I'm aware of that. Somewhere in the last four years I lost myself. If I move back here, I might be able to find that piece I lost. Maybe you could help me with that."
"I'd love to have you back in my life. The old Angel, not the one I saw six months ago. Everyone changes, and I understand that, but you did a complete one-eighty from the man I fell in love with all those years ago," Buffy told him.
"I'm hoping to remedy that. But I'll never be the way I used to be when I lived here before. Too much has happened to me since then, and there are some things about myself I won't change. I'm stronger and more self-confident. I don't have to rely on you all the time anymore."
"Angel, I'm not expecting you to be brooding cryptic guy again. Just the man I remember."
"Okay."
"This is going to take time. Just because you're human again, don't expect me to hop back into your bed for a week-long sexfest. We have to get to know each other again. Be friends. Start slowly and see where it leads."
Angel agreed with her wholeheartedly. "Friends. Sounds good to me. Maybe we can have coffee or something."
"Coffee?" Buffy repeated.
"Or something."
The conversation was reminiscent of one they had toward the beginning of their relationship the first time around. One look at Buffy's amused expression and Angel knew everything would work out for the best.
The End