"Regrets"
Author: Moe
Email: bearhugs12@hotmail.com
Dedication: To all the great people on the list, yes that means you!!!!
Special thanks to Starcrossed, you inspire me to do better.
The swirls of silk and lace were hypnotic, the tight bodice did wonders for her slender figure, and the full skirt made her feel like a princess. She had never felt more alive and excited during her short life than she did when she was wearing this heavenly gown. In less then a week she would be "Mrs. Graham Miller," and it always brought a smile to her face when she thought of marrying the man of her dreams. They had gone through so much together--so many trials and changes-- that she had doubted on numerous occasions that they would get to this point in their relationship.
Everything was going perfectly--the bridesmaids dresses had arrived as ordered, Graham's tux would be fitted tomorrow, the hall had been booked, flowers ordered, and the invitations sent. Now, if only this woman would stop pricking her with the needle.
"Oh, Will!" Turning towards the voice, Willow didn't fail to notice the exasperated look the seamstress gave her. A smile covered her face as she noticed her best friend standing in the doorway of the changing room.
Buffy couldn't help the tears that welled in her eyes at the sight of her best friend in a wedding dress. "You look absolutely beautiful!"
"You like?" Willow asked, grabbing the skirt, causing its multiple layers to billow out around her, and turning slightly, she presented Buffy with a back view of the dress. The seamstress moved away, seemingly satisfied with her handiwork.
"I more than like, its exquisite. Are you sure those buttons aren't going to pose a problem to Graham?" Buffy teased, motioning to the small pearl buttons running the length of the back of the dress.
"Nah, he's got nimble fingers." Willow said, blushing. Taking in the sight of Buffy's dress, she motioned for her to climb on the pedestal next to her.
The woman helping Buffy assisted her onto the large circle, adjusting the dress so that it fit Buffy perfectly. The deep burgundy did wonders for her tanned complexion. Willow's arm encircled Buffy's waist as they stood side by side in front of the mirror. "What about you? You like?"
"Very much. Much better than the hideous sea-foam green dresses Anya insisted upon at her wedding." Buffy visibly shuttered at the memory.
"I thought you two looked like celery sticks, quite amusing." Willow and Buffy turned to see Anya waddle into the room--her large tummy quite visible in the form fitting dress. She managed to make her way to a chair, carefully lowering herself despite the seamstresses' insistence that she needed to check the fitting. "It fits fine, leave it be!" Eight and a half months pregnant, Anya was not happy about being a bridesmaid. Xander had insisted, though, and with his promises of nightly foot and back massages, Anya had finally relented.
Turning their attention back to the mirror, Willow and Buffy drank in the vision before them. Buffy had always figured she would be married before Willow. She and Riley had been so close, but then...that didn't matter now. Buffy had been sure Willow wasn't ever going to get married-- especially after her involvement with Tara-- yet, here they were, preparing for Willow's impending marriage to Graham.
Willow always said that Graham had come out of nowhere, broadsiding her with love and devotion. It had come during a time in her life when she was hurting. She and Tara had grown apart--lies and deception on both parts having caused an irreparable riff--and then, one night, after an extremely heated argument, Tara had packed her bags and left for good. Willow, fearing the hurt and pain that seemed to be an inevitable part of any relationship, closed herself off. Riley had been the one to introduce Graham to Willow and he had formed an instant attraction to the small redhead. Despite her constant rebuffs, Graham slowly whittled his way into Willow's life and heart, his charm finally winning her over. That had all been before....
Buffy's eyes clouded over with unshed tears as memories began to overcome her and she fought desperately not to cry. Willow, ever the vigilant friend, did not fail to notice the tears creep into her friends eyes. "Oh, Buffy what is it?" She asked, pulling her into an embrace.
"I'm just so happy for you,"Buffy lied, and lowering her tone a little, she added, " and I must admit, a little jealous, too."
"Oh Buffy, your turn will come," Willow said, giving her friend a reassuring smile. The seamstress motioned for Willow to step down, leaving Buffy standing alone on the pedestal. Feeling the woman undoing the buttons on her back, Willow began taking her gloves off.
"I don't know, Will. What's the saying? 'Always a bridesmaid, never a bride." Buffy took one last look at her reflection, saddened by how alone she felt. Sighing to herself, she lifted the skirt before descending from the pedestal to follow Anya back into the changing room.
Willow watched as her two friends retreated and couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt. She was feeling all kinds of happiness and her elation was the cause of a lot of Buffy's pain. Buffy, like most girls, had always dreamed of being someone's wife, but upon receiving her calling to be the Slayer, she'd shelved that girlhood fantasy, thinking she would never live long enough to see it fulfilled. Having reached the age of 24, though, she still held that dream close to her heart. Years ago she had come so close only to have things fall apart. Shaking her head ruefully, Willow concentrated on getting out of the gown, praying she wouldn't rip it.
"So, a quick stop at the Espresso Pump and then on to shoes?" Willow suggested, noticing Buffy was in desperate need of a pick-me-up.
"Sounds wonderful!"[Buffy exclaimed with false enthusiasm, not wishing to rain on her best friend's parade.
Luckily, Xander had shown up to pick up an extremely moody Anya before they left the dress shop. The activities had worn her out and as they made their way out the door, Buffy and Willow heard Anya cursing Xander for putting her in her current condition.
Settling in around a table, Buffy sipped away at her cappuccino as Willow rattled off the plan for the week. "Now, remember Wednesday is the bridal shower at your mom's. We need to be there by..."
Noticing Willow had trailed off, Buffy looked up to find her friend starring, mouth agape, at something just behind her. Curiosity getting the better of her, Buffy shifted in her seat, turning so she could see exactly what would leave Willow so stunned.
Her body froze in soulful, aching recognition. There he was standing not even five feet away from her, leaning casually across the counter, ordering a coffee. He looked good-- in so many ways he still resembled the slightly goofy college boy she had fallen so utterly and completely in love with all those years ago. His blonde hair still fell casually across his forehead, he still wore the tight jeans that did wonders for him, and his arms--those arms that had held her so many times in moments of both sorrow and passion-- still made her yearn for his embrace. If anything had changed, it was his eyes--the beautiful deep blue depths no longer held that carefree light they'd once possessed. No, that light had been blown out long ago by her, only to be replaced by an empty heart wrenching sadness. As Buffy looked at him now, she found, to her great dismay, that the sadness had dissolved into cold, hard resignation.
Turning, coffee in hand, his eyes locked with hers. Quickly looking away, Buffy focused her attention once again on Willow, who was even now getting up to greet their old friend. "Riley!" The red head exclaimed with little girl delight. Buffy watched as her friend embraced Riley tightly and as his arm went around her in an answering hug, taking care not to spill the cup of hot liquid in his other hand.
"Willow, its good to see you." Riley smiled at the small woman his best friend had come to love. Turning to Buffy, he offered her a small smile, his jaw tightening characteristically as it did when he was angry. "Buffy."
No hug, no 'its good to see you.' All she got was a cold 'Buffy.' She deserved that though. "Hey!" Buffy said, her voice barely more than a whisper. Her eyes searched for something to look at-- anything but his steady gaze that was making her ten kinds of uncomfortable-- and she finally settled for staring at the empty styrofoam cup in front of her on the table as she heard Willow strike up a conversation.
"I thought you weren't coming until tomorrow."
"We caught an earlier flight. I thought we could do a little shopping before the festivities begin tomorrow." *God, he sounded so good!* His voice had always done wonderful things to her-- it was so soft and sweet and calming, always acting as a balm to soothe her oft troubled soul--and she got chills, even now, just listening to him speak. Caught up in her own thoughts, she barely registered what he had said until Willow pointed out an important fact.
"Umm...we?" Willow asked, greatly intrigued. Graham had never mentioned that Riley was bringing someone to the wedding.
"Oh, uh....I guess Graham didn't tell you." Before Riley could continue, a pair of arms wrapped around his waist from behind and an attractive, brunette kissed him lightly on the cheek as he turned to look at her.
"Honey, I'm ready to go."
Buffy felt her heart drop to her knees at the sight of him with another woman and she felt the stifling, overwhelming need to be anywhere but here.
"Jess, sweetheart, " Riley said, taking one of the woman’s arms, and pulling her around until she stood in front of him as he proceeded to make introductions. "This is Willow, he said, gesturing towards the redhead. "Willow, this is my girlfriend, Jessica."
A smile spread across the woman’s features as she eagerly grabbed Willow’s hand. "Willow, it’s so nice to meet you. I have heard so much about you that I practically feel like we’re already friends. Graham just raves about you. You’re all he talks about. Riley, she’s just as pretty as Graham described." Jessica pumped Willow’s hand a few more times before she finally relinquished her hold. Turning, she noticed Buffy for the first time, and offering her a warm smile, she held out her hand. "And you are?"
"Buffy!" She said, taking the very bubbly woman’s hand. * This woman’s had one too many cups of coffee.* Riley’s girl was beautiful--there was no denying that. Every strand of her waist length brown hair was perfectly in place. Buffy, glancing at her, suddenly felt like she had a blonde rats nest on her own head. The woman’s pants suit was very stylish and had obviously been tailor made to accentuate her curves. The tank top and cargo pants Buffy was wearing made her feel like a scruffy teenager. Jessica’s face looked like it was sculpted from porcelain, with no visible flaws. The scratch on Buffy’s forehead that a Fungus demon had given her on last nights patrol, throbbed with every beat of her heart. The nails that tipped the slender fingers of the other woman were meticulously manicured. Buffy had broken most of hers a couple days ago crawling through the sewer tunnels while hunting for a vampire nest. A few inches shorter than Riley, she was his perfect match. Buffy’s 5'3" frame barely came up to his shoulders. Jealousy and embarrassment surged through Buffy’s veins as the woman grasped her hand, looking every inch the perfect, normal woman Buffy had always longed to be.
"Buffy, what a cute name. Are you a friend of Willow’s?" Jessica dropped Buffy’s hand and settled back into Riley’s arm. *The way his arm just went around her, it was so natural. They had been that way once.*
Buffy put on a smile, trying hard not to reveal her true emotions. "Yeah."
"That’s nice. Riley," turning to him, Jessica played with the buttons on his shirt as she spoke, "I’m getting tired, what do you say we go back to the hotel for some alone time." Buffy didn’t fail to notice the suggestive wag of her eyebrows. "It was nice to meet you both." She said, grabbing Riley’s hand and dragging him out of the Espresso Pump.
"I’ll see you guys later." Riley called back over his shoulder as they headed over to a rental car parked next to the curve. Buffy stared after them, watching as he opened the door for her, and as she brushed her lips across his before settling into the car. Buffy continued to gaze after the car as it sped away and around the corner.
"You okay?" Turning, Buffy saw concern etched across Willow’s face.
"Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?" Buffy lied, trying to dispel Willow’s worries.
"Well, for one, you just saw your ex. And for two, you saw him with another woman. I don’t know about you, but I think I would be freaking." Willow placed her hand on Buffy’s trying to get her to open up..
"I’m fine-- Riley and I haven’t been together for a long time. I never doubted he would have someone in his life." Her words belied her true thoughts. She had always expected that, like her, he would find it difficult to move on, especially after everything they had shared. Oh, sure, there had been several men in her life since Riley had left, but none of them had ever held a place in her heart the way Riley had. None she would ever have brought to such a personal occasion as her best friends wedding. Truth be told, she missed him desperately. Buffy’s thoughts and dreams were still of Riley, but obviously, they were one-sided.
Riley was in an intimate relationship with a charming, beautiful woman. And she hated him for that. She hated him for capturing her heart so completely that she couldn’t escape. Buffy had liked to believe that she had also trapped his heart as well, yet here was another woman holding it tightly in her grasp. Sighing, Buffy tried to focus on Willow, wanting to make this week a memorable one for her friend. "So, shoes?"
Soft rock music blared through the speakers of the rental car as it made its way to the Sunnydale Four Season's. Riley had been relieved to learn from Graham that they had finally built an upscale hotel in Sunnydale. He hadn't fancied staying at the Sunnydale Motor Lodge with all the unsavory inhabitants that frequented the hotel and Jessica certainly wouldn't have stood for it. It was first class all the way for her-- always had been--the best clothes, the best cars, the best restaurants, which is why it surprised him that she had even considered dating him. They were total opposites-- Jessica was caviar, champagne and designer wear, while he was meat and potatoes, beer, and t-shirts and jeans. And yet she loved him.
So, what was wrong with him? Here he was sitting next to a beautiful, loving woman, who was currently singing extremely off-key to a Christopher Cross song, and all he could think of was the little blonde woman who had never stopped haunting his dreams and fantasies, even after all this time.
It had been three years and still all he longed for was her kiss and the look of adoration that had once graced her precious face. Now, it seemed as if she could barely stand to look at him. He didn't blame her, after everything that happened...he was even disgusted with himself and with his behavior those many years ago. He preferred to remember the happier times in their relationship. Turning down Hogan Drive, he smiled slightly, remembering the time he had given her a driving lesson.
"How was that?" Buffy smiled sweetly over at him, waiting for his answer. She had been so sure of herself. The months of secret practice with Xander in the parking lot of the Walgreen's had made her confident that she wouldn't embarrass herself too badly behind the wheel when Riley took her for a lesson.
Riley's heart was pounding so hard that he was certain he was going to have a heart attack. Although the car had finally stopped moving, he still felt like he was going to throw-up and uncurling his now white knuckles from the door handle, he tried to paste a smile on his face. "You did...umm...fine," he lied, trying desperately to calm himself. "Why don't I take over, though? You don't want to jump into it too fast."
"Okay!" Buffy exclaimed, quickly unfastening her seatbelt before jumping out of the car. Riley did the same--though slower and with a lot less enthusiasm. His knees felt a little shaky as he stepped out onto the curve. Glancing behind the car, he noticed several garbage cans toppled over, their contents spilled across the road. *I hope that old lady is okay* Buffy had almost run down quite a number of people on their short trip, including a woman with a walker--probably scared her to death. Buffy rounded the back of the car, smiling the whole time, so proud of herself.
"You okay?" She asked as she neared where he was holding the passenger side door open for her. "You're looking a little pale."
"I'm fine, really." Kissing her cheek, he closed the door after she climbed in. Crossing in front of the car, he couldn't help but notice that the front tire was up over the curb, resting in the grass on the front walk. Shaking his head, he settled in behind the wheel, and couldn't help but notice the smile still playing on Buffy's face.
"Thank you, Riley," she said, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.
"For what?"
"For being so patient with me. Every time Giles has tried to teach me, he ends up yelling and I end up crying, and Xander will only let me drive in the parking lot. So thanks. You trusting me enough to take your car out means a lot to me." Her lips returned to his once again, showing him just how much she appreciated him. Riley had been extremely grateful that they had stopped in an industrial area of town on that Saturday night because the events that soon followed wouldn't have been appropriate for family viewing.
Riley smiled at the memory--that had been during a time in their relationship when everything was perfect--before the bitterness and anger had driven them apart. Before....shaking his head, he realized that Jessica was speaking to him. "What?" He replied, an edge of annoyance in his tone.
"Are you alright, honey? You seem a little distracted." Jessica took his hand into hers, her eyes reflecting concern.
"I'm fine. It's just weird being back here. A lot of memories." He smiled at her, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.
"What were your college days like? Full of party's and pretty girls?" Jessica teased, leaning back into her seat, a playful smile making its way to her face.
"College was....intense. It was quite the eye opening experience." Riley turned into the parking lot of the Four Seasons, not noticing that Jessica's face had clouded over.
"Why do you do that?" She asked, a hurtful, petulant tone evident in her voice.
"Why do I do what?" Riley was surprised by the change in her tone, gone was the playful sweet voice, now it was pouty.
"Whenever I ask about your college experiences, you avoid the subject like it was the plague."
"I don't. It's just a lot of things happened during that time that I prefer not to rehash." Riley watched as she angrily stormed out of the car, making a beeline for their room. Catching up to her as she reached the door to their room, he grabbed her around the waist, turning her so that she faced him, and was surprised to see tears staining her face. "Hey, what's the matter?"
"Why won't you open up to me? Whatever happened here is a part of you and I want to know that part. I'm not important enough to you to share that with?" Her eyes searched his carefully, hoping to find a spark of life in them. Sometimes she thought that there was a hint of something beyond the surface. She had noticed early on in their relationship that when Riley smiled, it was limited to his lips, never quite reaching his eyes. It was as if something had sucked his soul from his body, leaving a shell of a man.
Jessica had always hoped to find a way to bring back life into the man she had love since high school--Riley had been so full of life then. Even when he had come home during holidays from college, he had seemed so happy and content, but that had changed during his last year at school. Jessica had never gone out with him during high school--just lusted from a far. It wasn't until the previous year that they had finally hooked up.
There had been rumors that he had been involved in a serious relationship with someone from Sunnydale and that she had broken his heart. He never talked about it though and had always changed the subject when she tried to bring it up. Jessica had eventually quit asking him about his past, hoping that by shelving the topic, it would help ease his pain, but nothing helped. Until today, though, he had never ignored her. For about fifteen minutes in the car it was as if she ceased to exist and that had hurt. She could wait for him to get over this great loss, but not at the cost of her self-esteem.
Noticing he wasn't going to answer her, she pushed her way into the room. Grabbing her pajamas, she stormed into the bathroom. "I'm taking a shower."
Riley laid on the bed, ashamed of himself. *Why couldn''t he talk to her? Love her like she deserved to be love?* He knew the answer, always had. Someone else had his heart, his soul. Buffy would always have those things. All he could offer Jessica was his body and that just wasn''t enough.
Buffy was everything he had ever wanted, ever needed. Seeing her for those few precious moments today had sent him into a frenzy. His heart reached for her, his soul longed to be with hers, his body ached for hers. Memories of being with her-- holding her hand, kissing her goodnight, her sweet voice whispering in his ear while her glistening body was wrapped around his, the sound of her laugh when he tickled her side- but most of all, he missed the feeling of her arms holding him during the hard times, when life seemed almost unbearable. It had all come flooding back when his eyes had locked onto hers at the Espresso Pump. But along with the good, came the bad--his voice raising at her in anger, the tears that rolled down her cheeks when he had said some condescending remark, the feel of her open palm connecting with his cheek.
"Where are you going?" Riley grabbed Buffy's arm, yanking her around to face him.
"Away from you!" Buffy hissed through gritted teeth, shrugging out of his tight grip. Walking to the door, she was determined to leave before they both said things they would regret.
"I think we need to talk about this." Riley slammed the door shut as she tried to open it and planted his large frame in front of it, effectively blocking her exit.
"I think we have both said enough." Her hand still clutching the doorknob, Buffy's eyes met Riley's, determined to let him know not to push her.
"Why do you have to act like this? God, how can you be so selfish?" Riley regretted the words the instant they came out of his mouth.
"Selfish! How dare you? My whole life I've done nothing but give. I give my life, my blood, my soul to mankind so that they can go on with their lives never knowing the real danger that is out there or that I am all that stands between Earth and Hell.""
"Oh, so I've been no help in saving the world at all, it's only been the 'All Powerful Buffy', huh?" Riley fumed, his blue eyes emitting angry sparks.
"No, you're a distraction, pure and simple." Buffy watched as his jaw tightened, and he struggled to keep his hands down by his sides.
"Yeah, then tell me Buffy, why is it you are still with me?" A sneer formed on Buffy's sweet face "Haven't a clue. But I'll tell you something, I'll remedy that right now." Pushing Riley out of the way, cringing slightly when his head smacked against the wall, Buffy threw open the door, intent on leaving. She paused in the doorway as the shock of what he said next cut her to the core.
"Yeah, 'Miss High and Mighty' At least I wasn't responsible for my friend's death." Turning on her heel, Buffy stalked back into Riley's room, tears streaming down her face. Clenching her fist tightly, slapped him right across his smug, arrogant face.
He had never believed what he had said to her that night. The last night. The look on her face as she stalked back into the room still haunted him--the pain and suffering etched across her beautiful, delicate features. He could still feel the sting of her hand on his face, forever burned onto his mind. He had said those words out of hate, wanting to tear her heart out, make her feel as bad as he did. Choosing the subject that would cut the deepest and knowing she blamed herself for Giles death, he had spat out the words as if they were knives, flinging them into the dark recesses of her heart.
Riley couldn't meet her gaze after that. School came to a close a month later and he graduated without ever telling her that he was sorry and that he hadn't meant any of it. And now as he laid here in the hotel room, he felt his eyes mist over, and for once he let the tears come, letting all his regrets wash over him.
The soft chirping of crickets broke the monotony of silence that had settled over the Restfield cemetery. Night had fallen hours ago and still the fledgling vampire had failed to rise. Buffy rolled the stake between her hands, sighing at how uneventful the patrol had been. "Come on lazy bones, lets get this show on the road," she whispered to herself. She had an intense desire for a quick slay, a hot bath and a good mope. The Riley sighting earlier had bothered her more then she was willing to admit. His image was ingrained into her memory-- every time she closed her eyes, she saw him--leaning over the counter, the thin t-shirt doing little to hide the muscles in his back as they rippled slightly, his arm flexing as he reached out for his coffee, his smile as he hugged Willow. The aftershave he used had grabbed hold of her senses when he had neared them and now it clung to her. Inhaling deeply, she let the memories of that smell take her back to a time and place so different from where she was now, a place where she had been happy, content.
"Hold still!" Buffy warned him for the hundredth time. He had been twitching nervously since they had begun this little adventure and it was starting to distract her--though his close proximity was a distraction in and of itself. Especially when his hand had grazed her shoulder while moving her hair back behind her.
"I'm sorry, your hair was tickling me." Riley said, straightening once again. Banishing all other thoughts, Buffy concentrated on the blade in her hand and the area she had yet to shave. Having arrived early for their date, Buffy had found Riley in the bathroom, the air still damp from his recent shower, and a towel wrapped securely around his waist. He had insisted on shaving before they left. The Initiative had kept him busy from the break of dawn to an hour earlier and he was in desperate need of a shave. Being ever the thoughtful girlfriend, Buffy had offered her services. Though hesitant, Riley had finally given in to her and handed her the razor.
Buffy was now beginning to think that this may have not been such a good idea. Besides the fact that she was now trying desperately not to cut his throat, he was distracting her further with his little smiles and his hand drawing lazy circles on her hip. "If you don't stop that you're going to end up in the emergency room instead of my bed tonight."
"I can't help it, the way your face scrunches up when you're concentrating is really a turn on," Riley said, a huge smile lighting up his face and his blue eyes dancing with delight.
"Yeah?" Buffy asked, taking one last swipe with the razor before gently wiping his face with the washcloth. Surveying her work, she had to admit she had done a fine job. Grabbing his after shave, she applied some to her palm, taking a moment to inhale deeply of it's spicy aroma before gently patting his cheeks.
"Oh yeah!" Riley replied, his eyes locking with hers.
The edge to his voice did not go unnoticed, so she decided to play along. "How's that?"
"You just look extremely sexy when you are determined. Especially when your tongue is teasing your lip, oh so gently. Your hair, brushing against me, caressing me." Riley let his hand drift up to her hair, drawing a strand forward and twirling it around his finger. His other hand moved up to her shoulder, fingers gently running along the tanned skin of her neck and shoulder. "The focus in your eyes, the scrunch of your nose." Riley leaned forward, kissing the tip of her nose gently. His face remained inches from hers as he continued. "The warmth of your body, the way your chest rubs lightly against mine." His voice had dropped to a whisper as he pulled her close to him, her legs locking around his waist. "The sound of your voice, sweet as honey. Your hand grazing my cheek. Everything about you is a turn on."
Buffy was surprised by his forwardness, but found it hard to resist him. *The opening of the new wing at Mom's gallery be damned! I'm having this for me.* As his lips began to caress the skin below her ear, all thoughts of anything but Riley quickly left. The towel was soon discarded as well as Buffy's new dress. It was a pity they hadn't thought to lock the door. Poor Graham probably wouldn't have gotten the shock of his life.
As much as she missed the passion their relationship had held, she missed just being in his arms the most. Feeling the love he offered her, unconditionally. He talked to her, listened to her and not just about the demon aspect of life. They shared everything--their hopes and dreams, their thoughts and feelings--everything. Buffy had never found someone she felt so open with, Riley was the man she benchmarked other potential partners against. None ever lived up to Riley though, how could they. He was everything she desired in one package, he was unique.
Buffy was stirred out of her ruminations by the sound of a twig snapping behind the headstone she was leaning against. She was up in a flash, her hand reflexively finding the stake in her belt loop, bringing it up in a defensive position. Instead of a blood thirsty creature of the night that she had hoped to encounter, she found a startled Xander. "Geez Buff, watch where you're pointing that thing."
Buffy lowered her stake, replacing it into her belt loop. "You of all people should know never to sneak up on people, Xander. Especially someone who is heavily armed."
"Point taken and set aside for future reference. So, not much action?" Xander asked, circling the headstone before plopping down next to Buffy, who had already resumed her previous position.
"Mister Sleepy head doesn't want to wake up." Buffy pouted, pointing to the fresh grave in front of them.
"Guess someone forgot to set the alarm clock" Xander joked, and remembering suddenly why he had come, grabbed the white paper bag he had set beside him. "Oh, I almost forgot. I brought you these." He reached into the bag, pulling out a package of mini-snickers bars. "You know for a pick-me-up."
Buffy eyed Xander carefully. "And why would I need a pick-me-up?"
His eyes went wide, Willow had warned him to be casual about it--not to bring up the subject. "Oh, uh, you know for the slaying. Sugar always gives me a boost." Xander exclaimed, knowing how lame that may have come out.
Buffy just stared at him. Xander tried to look away but couldn't, he could never resist that look. "Okay, Willow said that you saw Riley today and that you were all mopey girl after, said you could use a little cheering up, hence, chocolate."
"I was not mopey girl!" Buffy said, taking offense.
"Buffy, Willow had to buy you shoes just to get a smile out of you. I'd say you were in serious mope mood."
"Well, that's just because they were out of the leather pumps I had my eye on for weeks." Buffy said defensively. Now, it was Xander's turn to use the stare technique. "Okay, it bothered me a little seeing him."
"And why shouldn't it? He's your ex after all."
"It was just weird. All these buried feelings began to surface. And did Willow mention the part about him having a gorgeous girlfriend?" Buffy said, shifting her position against the tombstone she was leaning against and stretching her legs out in front of her.
"Feelings? What sort of feeling?" Xander asked, munching on a Snickers.
"Just stuff.....vamp!" Buffy was on her feet before Xander knew what was happening. The vampires were on them in seconds. A small blonde female went after Xander, quickly pinning him to the ground. A taller, butched vamp lunged at Buffy. She easily sidestepped his advance, causing his head to crack against the headstone. With the vampire momentarily fazed, Buffy grabbed the vamp looking to make a midnight snack out of Xander and threw her into the other vamp. Helping Xander to his feet, Buffy thrust a stake into his hand, noticing that the other vamps where regrouping as well.
"You take Shorty, I've got Butch." Buffy advanced on the male, slowly circling, assessing the easiest and quickest route to the kill. Xander did likewise, copying her movements with precision. After almost 8 years, he had her hunting strategy down pat and had become an effective demon hunter. Buffy leaped forward with catlike reflexes, catching the vampire off guard. His hesitation cost him his life. The wood slide into his chest, piercing his dead heart. The female, shocked by the sight of her companions demise, howled in rage, all thoughts of the boy behind her leaving her mind as she focused on her mate's killer.
Xander advanced on her, plunging the stake through her back. The stake contacted with bone, going no further. The vamp whirled on Xander, the stake hanging from her back. Buffy took the opportunity, a swift kick to the end of the stake shoved it through, puncturing its heart. As the ash settled, Buffy noticed a hand breaking the ground of the grave below them. Stepping behind it, Buffy watched as the newbie crawled from the depths below. As soon as its back was free, Buffy plunged the stake in. Buffy dusted off her clothes, noticing Xander do the same. "So, uh where were we?"
"Stuff!" Xander said, watching Buffy grab her slayer bag as they prepared to leave the cemetery.
"Right. Stuff. You know what, I really don't want to talk about it right now. Is that cool?" Buffy began to stroll with Xander through the cemetery.
"That's fine. But if you do want to talk, you know where to find me, right?"
"Got your number on speed dial!" Buffy smiled, though that quickly faded as she realized they would soon be at the spot. She always made it a point to pass by it during her patrol, to remind her what she was fighting for and what can be so easily taken away. The gray marble was like a beacon to her. For three years, this had been the place her patrol always concluded. Stopping in front of the marker, Buffy and Xander stared at the black letters, labeling the place where Giles was laid to rest.
"Giles would have been so proud of Willow. He would have wanted to be here." Buffy said, her fingers brushing the top of the headstone. "He would have been proud of you too, ya know." Xander had changed a lot in the last couple years. Marriage and impending fatherhood had really made him stop and take a look at his life. Enrolling in UC Sunnydale, Xander had earned an Associates degree and was hard at work on a Bachelor's degree in business all while managing to hold down a part time job and, of late, put up with Anya's cravings and mood swings.
"Yeah, he would. He would also be proud of you, ya know." Xander placed a comforting hand on Buffy's shoulder, squeezing it lightly.
Buffy's eyes brimmed with tears. "Xander, I've made so many mistakes, hurt so many people I care for, how can he possibly be proud of me."
"Because you're you. And all that stuff that happened with Riley, that was a long time ago. You were going through a rough time." Xander noticed the tear roll down her face as she quickly wiped it away.
"I blamed him for everything, Xander. I belittled him. I hit him. How can I forgive myself?" Buffy sat down on the ground, hugging her knees to her chest.
Xander crouched down, lifting her chin so that she looked directly at him. "I'm sure Riley understands what you where going through. He probably even deserved the slap, if what Willow told me is true."
"Xander, let's just not... I don't want to get into this." Buffy closed herself off once again, hoping Xander would drop it.
"Okay, I've got to get home anyway. Anya's cravin' anchovies and peanut brittle and its best to get it too her as soon as possible. You gonna be okay?" Xander asked, noticing the tears had already begun to dry.
"Yeah, I'm just going to hang out here for awhile. I'll see you tomorrow at the barbeque?"
"With bells on! Night." Buffy watched as Xander disappeared through the gates and seconds later heard the roar of an engine as he pulled away from the cemetery. As the quiet descended upon her once again, Buffy let her head rest upon the cold stone. She missed Giles tremendously. His good advice and friendship were something she valued more than anything. He had been a father figure in the absence of her own, a friend in her time of need, and a watcher when duty called. Buffy did blame herself for the circumstances under which he died. She had been late and he had paid dearly for it.
"Don't do, di need you."" Riley pouted, his nose red from a recent sneezing fit. The cold had struck him fast and hard, leaving him with little energy. Buffy had enjoyed playing nurse maid to him, especially when it came time for those sponge baths. She hated to leave him, especially when he was running such a high temperature.
"Honey, it will only be for a couple hours. Graham will come in and check up on you every once in awhile." Buffy said, coaxing him to lie down.
"But di want you." Riley grabbed her hand, holding it tightly, his eyes pleading with her to stay.
"Giles, needs me too! Some great evil is rising tonight and I need to be there. Now would you rather have me stay here and have the world be plunged into hell, or would you rather I leave you for a couple hours, stop the evil and be back with hot chicken soup?"
"Go, sabe da world!" Riley finally relented, releasing her hand.
"Okay, you lie back and rest. Love you." Buffy placed a quick kiss on his forehead, noting how very hot he was, concern overwhelming her. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"
It took another ten minutes for her to leave Riley, making sure that he was comfortable and had everything he could possibly need. By the time she made it to the cemetery, she was a half hour late. Giles was going to scold her, she was sure of it. He always did when she was late, which was a lot lately.
The sounds of a fight hit her before she even made it past the gate. A sharp cry pierced the air, full of pain and suffering. Buffy raced into the cemetery, her legs pumping hard as she tried to reach Giles. Buffy stared in horror as three large demons hovered around Giles'' fallen body. He was beaten badly, blood matting his hair, and his arm hanging at an odd angle from his body. Buffy willed her legs to move faster as she saw a demon raise a large knife above his head. As the knife came slicing down, she knew she was too late.
Grabbing an axe that had fallen by the wayside, Buffy used a headstone to leap into the air, bringing a fatal blow to the demon closest to her, cutting it from stem to stern. Another demon put up some resistance, but the rage inside Buffy consumed her, guiding her actions and the demon was quickly dispatched, its head falling ten feet from where its body now lay prone on the ground. The remaining demon, ran off, limping from injuries sustained during the earlier struggle. Buffy let it go, choosing instead to focus her attention on her fallen friend.
His breaths were coming in short gasps now as his lungs fought for air, due to the blood now pooling in them. Buffy grabbed the knife's handle, pulling it from Giles body, her hand quickly replacing the metal. Applying pressure, she begged for him to stay with her. Blood seeped from his mouth as he tried to speak.
"Shh....Giles you're going to be fine. You have to be fine." Giles' usually so vibrant face had become ashen in the matter of moments.
"B...Buf..you.....daugh....ter......me" Giles lifted a shaking, bloodied hand, his fingertips grazing her cheek lightly. Buffy began to sob as she watched Giles close his eyes, his body going limp under her hands.
"No.....NO!" Buffy began to shake as emotions of aching pain, rage, and sadness swept over her small frame. Her arms went around his still body, pulling him to her, rocking him gently.
Willow and Xander had found her hours later. Riley had been worried when she had failed to return and called to see if the two knew about her whereabouts. They had gone out looking for her, only to find her in a trance like state, their friend's body held tightly in her small arms.
It had taken several weeks for her to come out of that and she wasn't the same when she finally did. She lashed out at her friends, her enemies, and most especially Riley. Looking back at it now, Buffy realized it was her way of dealing with the pain. As long as everyone else was miserable, she didn't have too long for happier times. As much as she blamed herself for that night, she also blamed Riley. It was irrational, she knew it, but the reason she was late was because she was with Riley. Buffy also feared that one day she would come across his body lying cold on the ground, beaten and broken. She couldn't bear the thought so she pushed him away, while wanting nothing more than to be with him.
After about a year of mourning his loss, Buffy had made her peace with Giles' death. Hunting down that last demon had helped, but that had been after Riley had left. Riley had endured six long months of torture at her hand. Using words like "worthless" and "weak" she attacked his place in her life, his very existence. Yet, he fought to be by her side--to not give up on them. After every fight they had, she would run back to him, begging for him to forgive her. He never thought twice about it, letting her back in an instant. When she would cry at night, it was his arms that held her, his words that soothed her. Still she attacked him, it took six months to break him, the fight leaving him, her words cutting too many wounds to heal.
Buffy never blamed him for saying what he had, knowing that he didn't mean those words. He had been hurting because of her. She didn't like that their relationship had ended like it did--her slapping him--it was something she regretted. Something she would always regret.
As she sat there, her head against the cool concrete, she wished she could take back that day. While being so afraid she was going to lose him to death, she had lost him to life. Aside from Giles' death, it had been her biggest regret.
The smell of the barbecue hit him as they made their way into the Rosenberg's backyard. Riley's stomach grumbled in eager anticipation as Jessica giggled lightly, poking him playfully in the stomach. The day had been so full of activities, that the two had had little time to talk about the issues that had arisen the day before. Riley had met Graham and Xander to get the tuxes fitted and after a small pants debacle that included Riley getting Xander's and vise versa, the trio had finally emerged from the tailors a little worse for wear.
Riley, having felt bad for making Jessica cry the day before, insisted she treat herself to a day at a spa in L.A. She was almost too eager as she accepted his credit card before kissing him on her way out the door. Riley was happy to see her come back refreshed and cheerful.
He had come to a decision the night before as he lay next to Jessica. Buffy was the past, and while he would always cherish the times they had shared together, the look on her face at the coffee shop had confirmed his belief that she held no feelings for him. Jessica was his future and he needed to start looking forward instead of behind.
Smiling at Jessica, he guided his arm around her waist, pulling her close, and kissed her gently on the temple.
"What was that for?" Jessica asked, enjoying the feel of his hand on her waist.
"No reason!" Riley said, giving her a smile and squeezing her to him a little as they walked into the backyard. Jessica felt a lot of her doubts wash away when she saw his smile. He had been acting so distant since their arrival in Sunnydale and it was good to see him finally snapping out of it.
"Rye!"
Riley turned and saw Mike walking toward them. It had been a while since he had seen him, since the Initiative was brought down. Riley hugged his old friend, giving him a pat on the back. "Mikey, man it's good to see you."
"You too, man! Hey, is Buffy here with you?" Mike asked, glancing around.
"Uh, no, we aren't together anymore." Riley said, and grabbing Jessica's hand, he brought her forward to introduce her. "Mike, this is Jessica, Jess this is my old buddy Mike."
"Nice too meet you, Mike." Jessica said, grasping the large man's hand in her smaller one.
Riley zoned out on the casual chit chat that ensued between his girlfriend and former brother in arms as he witnessed Buffy glide through the sliding glass doors of the Rosenberg house. It was like one of those moments in a movie where the background fades out and all that is left is her. The dress she wore hugged her curves, accentuating every movement of her hips; her hair hung loose around her face and she tossed it slightly as her head swept back and forth, and her lips pouted as her tongue gently traced the bottom one.
Riley swallowed hard and his clothes suddenly felt way too heavy and constricting. He found himself completely mesmerized by the sight of her and for the first time in his life, he understood the meaning of the word 'awestruck.' Everything within him was crying out for him to cross the distance between them and sweep her up in his arms. *Dammit! Jessica, think Jessica!* Tearing his eyes from Buffy, he focused on the conversation that had just come to an end. "Rye, I'll catch your act later! Nice talkin' to you Jess!"
Jessica turned to Riley, grabbing his hand. "He was nice."
"Yeah, he's a great guy." He led her over to the food tables and after handing her a plate, he began packing his own with various food items.
"So, you and Buffy were together?" Jessica said as casually as she could, sensing that she was probably treading on dangerous ground.
Riley froze, a spoonful of potato salad half way between his plate and the bowl. His head whipped around to stare at her open-mouthed, his jaw practically dropping. "What?"
"Well, Mike asked if you were here with her, so I just assumed..." her voice trailed off as she realized that she'd just stuck her foot in her mouth.
"Yeah, we went out for a while a long time ago." Riley turned his back to her as he continued to fill his plate. Jessica rolled her eyes as once again he shut her out. Shaking her head, she followed him as he sat down at a table off to the side of the party.
As soon as Buffy walked into the backyard, she had the strangest feeling that she was being watched. Looking around, she found most of the people engaged in conversation, with no one really paying particular attention to her. Then her gaze fell on Riley--his hand reaching out to grab Jessica's as they moved to the table plates loaded down with food. She watched him for a moment, but found the ache in her heart too much to handle. Turning, she retreated back into the kitchen, hoping that no one around her had seen the tears falling from her eyes.
Willow watched as her best friend made a dash for the safety of the house, her emotions clearly written on her face. She was about to go after her when she felt Graham grab her arm.
"Will, let her be." Graham said, pulling her close into his embrace.
"How can I let her be. She's hurting, Graham. Serious hurting." Willow said. As she turned to face him, Graham found tears threatening to spill forth from her eyes.
"Yes, she is, but maybe she needs to work this out on her own- they both do."" he said, his thumb brushing away the tear that had slipped down her cheek.
"What do you mean both?" She asked, curiously, searching his face.
"Come on, Will! Haven't you noticed the sideways glances Riley's been giving her? He's always asking about her when he calls. He's still infatuated with her." Graham chuckled, tickled by the fact that Willow could have been so oblivious when usually she was so very perceptive.
"Then why aren't they together? Why do they have to have all this pain?" Willow asked, watching Riley, who was looking more depressed then usual, talk casually to his girlfriend. "Why is he holding her hand when he could be holding Buffy's."
"Maybe they just don't realize what they are missing. What's that saying...'If you love something set it free and if it returns it was truly meant to be.' Maybe they are just both waiting for the other to return." Graham replied, taking Willow's hand. "Maybe they just need a push in the right direction." Willow didn't fail to notice the sly smile that had found its way onto Graham's face.
"You have a plan!" Willow exclaimed, her face suddenly lighting up with excitement.
"Shh! A little one, but I need your help." Grabbing her arm, he placed his other hand on her lower back as he led her away from the crowds, whispering quietly in her ear.
Having coaxed Buffy out of the house, Xander took it upon himself to make sure that she had a good time. Anya had graciously bowed out of the dancing portion of the evening in favor of making sure she sampled every dish at least a dozen times, so Xander cajoled Buffy into being his partner. He had been able to keep up with the Slayer on several fast numbers but was relieved when a slow one finally found its way into the set. Holding her close, he attempted to catch his breath as they swayed to the slow melancholy song.
"Suppose I called you up tonight and told you that I loved you
And suppose I said I wanna come back home
And suppose I cried and said I think I've finally learned my lesson
And I'm tired of spendin' all my time alone"
Buffy tensed under his embrace as she recognized the song.
"Buff what is it? Are you okay?" Xander asked, his eyes searching hers.
"Nothing, its nothing." Buffy lied, offering Xander a small smile. This had been Riley's favorite song back when they had been dating. He always had the cassette in his car's tape deck. He use to say he loved it because it made you think about what would happen if you gave up on someone you loved. Pulling Xander close again, Buffy let the words wash over her as she closed her eyes.
"If I told you that I realized you're all I ever wanted
And it's killin' me to be so far away
Would you tell me that you loved me to and would we cry together
Or would you simply laugh at me and say:
"I told you so, oh, I told you so
I told you someday you'd come crawlin' back
And askin' me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
And now I found somebody new
And you will never break my heart in two again"
"Come on Riley, just one dance isn't going to hurt you. Pleeeeaassee!" Jessica begged as she pulled on his hand.
"Okay, just one. And I don't want any complaining later on about how your feet hurt because I stepped on them." Riley gave in, allowing Jessica to drag him out onto the impromptu dance floor. Her arms went around his neck as she snuggled close against his chest. His arms found their way around her waist, holding her tight.
"If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever
Would you get down on yours too and take my hand
Would we get that old time feelin'
Would we laugh and talk for hours
The way we did when our love first began"
Riley couldn't keep his eyes off of Buffy. From over Jessica's head, he watched as she swayed in time with the music in Xander's arms. He remembered all the times she use to hold on to him like that, her body pressed against his, moving in perfect rhythm. The smell of her hair as her head laid against his chest-- so sweet and spicy, one hand on his shoulder and the other tiny hand clasped tightly in his large one.
"Would you tell me that you've missed me too
And that you've been so lonely
And you've waited for the day that I'd return
And we'd live and love forever
And that I'm your one and only
Or would you say the tables finally turned
Would you say:
"I told you so, oh, I told you so
I told you someday you'd come crawlin' back
And askin' me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
And now I found somebody new
And you will never break my heart in two again"
"And now I found somebody new
And you will never break my heart in two again"
Riley had found someone new, there was no way he would ever even consider allowing her back in his life. *He's moved on.* Buffy only wished for her heart's sake that she could do the same. Letting go of Xander, she turned so that she could discreetly brush the tears that had fallen from her face without him realizing they were there. Feeling his hand on her shoulder, she pasted a smile on her face as she turned, noting the worry stretched across his features.
"So, how about some cheesecake?" She said energetically, fast tracking her way to Anya who was already working on her third piece.
Riley stood there, watching as Buffy turned from Xander. The porch lights reflected the wet streaks on her face as Riley noticed her brush them swiftly away. It pained him to see her like that. He wanted to race over to her and scoop her into his arms and soothe away her troubles. But he knew he couldn't, it wasn't his place anymore.
Glancing back down at the girl he was holding, he noticed her staring at Buffy before her gaze returned to his. A look of comprehension dawning in her eyes. Embarrassed by his actions, Riley looked away and asked if she was ready to leave. Jessica nodded slowly before leaving his side to find her jacket. Riley spared one last glance in Buffy's direction, before following Jessica out the gate, leaving his heart behind.
Jessica was decisively quiet on their ride home. Her face was turned so that she was looking out the side window, staring at the houses as they passed by. Riley didn't mind, though, his thoughts had been on Buffy since he saw the tears streaking her face. As he parked in front of their room, Jessica slowly undid her seatbelt before exiting the car. Riley met her at the stairs and they ascended slowly together.
Riley unlocked the door and waited while Jessica entered first before crossing the threshold himself. He felt tired, not just physically, the last couple days had drained him emotionally and all he wanted was a hot shower and a good nights rest.
"Would it be okay if I took the shower first? I'm kind of beat." Riley asked, pulling a pair of clean boxers from a drawer.
"Sure, go ahead." Jessica said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Are you okay?" Riley asked, suddenly concerned by her silence.
"Yeah, just dandy." Her voice belied her words, however. Riley chose to ignore it, he wasn't in the mood for another fight.
"Okay." He stepped into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. Jessica sat on the bed, staring at the space he just left. Taking a deep breath, she made up her mind. Reaching for the phone, she held it to her ear as she began dialing.
Riley quickly shed his clothes and shivered as the cold air gave his body goosebumps. Playing with the knobs for awhile, he finally got the perfect water temperature before stepping into the tub. Letting the water pound his back for several minutes, his mind wandered back to Buffy. It tore at his heart to see her cry. He worried about her still. Every night he prayed he wouldn't get a call from Graham telling him she had met her match. Riley would always find some way to find out if she was doing all right. Graham was always a little reluctant to give details, but even a little 'she's okay' tied him over for a couple days.
Those tears at the barbeque had surprised him. Last time he had asked, Graham had told him she was happy, yet there she was, eyes full of pain, tears spilling down her sweet face. It made Riley wonder if there was another man in her life-- someone that was hurting her like he had. His fists clenched at the thought. He would do serious damage to anyone who had put that look on her face. He made a mental note to nonchalantly ask Willow about it later.
Of course, it might be her missing her friend. Giles had been such a big part of all of their lives. A big event like one of them getting married would probably bring back memories of those who couldn't be there. But thinking about Giles only brought back memories that he didn't want to remember, so Riley pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind to be reflected upon when it was less painful, when she wasn't so close.
Riley realized that the water had cooled. Grabbing the little bar of soap, he hurried and soaped up. Rinsing off, he exited the shower before it was too cold. The steam in the air helped to keep him warm as he towel off. After slipping into his boxers, Riley walked over to the sink. Wiping his hand across the mirror to rid it of the steam clinging to it, he looked at himself for a long time. He had changed a lot over the years, he knew it. A lot of the light and passion he held when he was younger had died that night Buffy had walked out the door. Staring at himself now he realized he looked like he felt, a hollow shell of a man.
He could hear Jessica rummaging around in the next room and he figured she was getting ready to shower next. Grabbing his toothpaste, he quickly brushed his teeth then moved onto his hair. Completing his nightly rituals, Riley exited the bathroom, a gust of steam escaping with him.
He froze the minute he saw her. Jessica was leaning over the bed, zipping up the last of her suitcases, the rest stacked by the door.
"What are you doing?" Riley asked, crossing over to the bed.
"I'm going home." Jessica said, never looking up, her eyes glued to the suitcase below her.
"Why?" Riley placed his hand under her chin, turning her face so that she had to look at him. Tears that had been threatening to spill since she made her decision finally fell, her chin trembling under his hand.
"Because I love you." came her answer. Jessica stepped out of his reach, grabbing her jacket that had been lying next to the suitcase. Pulling it on, she swept her hair out of its confines before adjusting the sleeves.
"What? What kind of answer is that?" Riley asked, stepping closer to her. Jessica held out her hand, indicating for him to stop.
"Let's be honest here Riley. You don't love me, you never have." Noticing he was about to object, she silenced him once again. "I know you care about me, I've never doubted that. But love, the kind of love I need, you can never give me. That part of you will always belong to her. You still love her. And I can't live like that."
Riley looked away, the tears falling down her face making him feel ashamed--ashamed of his actions, his attitude toward her or their relationship, he didn't know. "I'm sorry." came his soft reply.
Nodding her head, she stepped forward, taking his hand. "I don't blame you for this. I knew what I was getting into from the beginning. I thought I loved us enough for the both of us. I know that sounds cliche, but its how I felt. But it wasn't enough."
Riley felt the tears coming up as his emotions raced forward. Jessica was quick to wipe away the tear that fell, giving him a small smile. "I want you to know that I will cherish the time we spent together, I'll never regret it, any of it. All I want is for you to be happy." The sound of a car honking in the distance brought Jessica''s head around as she looked to the door.
"That's my cab." She said as she grabbed her suitcase. Hauling it to the door, she set it next to the others. Looking back at Riley, she followed her sudden urge, crossing the room swiftly, she pulled him into a hug. His arms went around her immediately as he hugged her back. "Thank you for sharing a little bit of your life with me." Jessica said from the crook of his neck. "Riley, I want to leave you with a little advice that I suggest you follow."
Pulling back, she looked into his eyes, "Fight for her! The Riley Finn I know would never give up without a fight. Besides, when she looks at you, it's with absolute adoration. She loves you, Riley." Tears found their way to her eyes again as her hand traced his face. Bringing his face down to hers, she gave him one last kiss before walking to the door. Grabbing her bags, slinging several over her shoulder, she managed to get all of them out the door, closing it behind her. Riley listened as her steps faded into the distance. He was still standing in the same spot when he heard the cab pull away.
Riley felt his body begin to shudder as a sob erupted from deep within him. Grasping the bedclothes, his body slumped against the bed momentarily before sliding to the ground. He felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted from him. For the past year he had been living a lie, hurting not only himself but Jessica in the process. It felt good to have it all out in the open, to be honest with himself. Curling up in a ball on the floor, he let Jessica's words sink in. 'She loves you.' Could that be true, or is it just because he wanted it so bad to be true that his brain was having a hard time letting go of his dreams. Riley laid there on the floor, crying softly for a love lost, but a friend gained, and another chance at a dream come true.