"Regrets "
Author: Moe
Email: bearhugs12@hotmail.com
Dedication: To all the great people on the list, yes that means you!!!!
Special thanks to Starcrossed, you inspire me to do better.
"Buff, you okay?" Willow asked as she handed her another box of photos.
"Why does everyone keep asking me that? I'm fine." Buffy said a little testily.
"Okay, geez, bite my head off why don't ya!" Willow said, the hurt in her voice obvious.
Buffy stood up and walking over to Willow, she pulled her in to an embrace. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap, I guess I'm just tired."
Willow smiled back at her friend. "Already forgotten. Do you want to knock this off for tonight? I can finish it tomorrow morning before the shower."
"No, I'm good. Let's keep going." Buffy and Willow had retired to Willow's old bedroom to look for photo's for the wedding video. After spending a half an hour laughing at chocolate pudding covered baby pictures of Willow and a long-haired Graham as a toddler, they had finally moved onto more recent pictures.
"Oh, look at this, this is my favorite!" Buffy exclaimed from her seat on the floor. Holding the picture up for Willow to see, a smile spread across her face.
"I love that one." It had been taken when she and Graham had first started going out. They had been at a city picnic at the park. A three-legged race was announced. Somehow Graham had convinced Willow that they could take home the prize if they entered. A little hesitant, Willow finally tied the bandana around their legs, securing them together. As soon as the gun went off, they found themselves with major problems. Willow's short stride didn't match Graham's long one and not even a foot from the starting line, they found themselves in a pile on the ground. Buffy had been quick with the camera, snapping a picture of them as they laid in a giggling heap. "That's going in the pile marked definite."
Willow moved to put it on the desk with the rest of the photo's they had selected. Buffy began rummaging again. Her eyes fell on the inevitable. Riley's smile called to her from the depths of the picture. Buffy's face was actually glowing as she stared up at him. The recent food fight they had had left them a mess of ketchup, mustard and relish. Buffy was pretty sure she could see a piece of hot dog bun sticking to Riley's hair.
Buffy's heart ached for those happier times when she knew his love. Buffy felt Willow's behind her, glancing over her shoulder. "We used to be so happy. How can something that was so right, go so wrong?"
"Buffy, things happened, you can't change them. What you can do is move forward. You still want him, don't you?" Willow asked, sitting down beside her friend.
"I've never stopped wanting him, Will."
"Then go after him, let him know how you're feeling. Don't let this chance slip away." Willow said. "Maybe there's still a chance to get back to those times." Willow indicated the picture Buffy was clutching in her hand.
"No, he's with someone else, he's moved on. It's better to concentrate on what is rather than what could be." Buffy placed the photo back in the box before covering it with the lid, effectively sealing the conversation. Willow just shook her head, hoping that Graham's plan would open each of their friend's eyes.
The pounding on the door brought Riley awake with a start. Cringing, he pulled himself up off the floor where he had cried himself to sleep the night before. Rubbing his stiff neck, Riley blinked the sleep from his eyes as he crossed the room to the door. Graham waited on the other side, a huge smile stretched across his face.
"Man, you look like hell!" Graham said, taking careful note of the criss-cross patterns across Riley's face and the hair sticking up in ten different directions.
"What are you doing here this early?" Riley asked a little crankily.
"Early? Rye, its noon." Graham remarked. Riley glanced back into the room at the alarm clock, registering the time as Graham had said. "I thought you would have been up hours ago. Is everything okay?"
"Rough night!" Was all Riley offered as he retreated back into the room, looking for a pair of jeans. Finding some, he pulled them on before beginning a search for his shoes.
Graham stepped into the room, looking around thoughtfully. "Where's Jess?"
Riley, having found his shoes under a pile of blankets, sat on the bed as he shoved his foot in one. "She left me."
"She what?" His friend asked, more than a little surprised.
"We broke up last night and she's on her way home to Huxley." Riley said as he tied his other shoe.
"Hey man, I'm sorry." Graham put a hand on his best friend's shoulder, hoping to give him some support.
"Thanks!" Riley paused for a beat, before standing to pull on his white t-shirt. "So, what are you doing here? I thought the game didn't start until seven." Riley was glad that Willow had put her foot down about the bachelor party. No strippers, no women period. Thank goodness Graham had opted to go to a Laker game.
"Oh, uh, I thought maybe you and Jess would want to come take these photos to the video place and then go over to the bridal shower, but if you're not in the mood that's fine." Graham said, not wanting to push Riley.
"No, that sounds fine. Better than sitting here wallowing, right?" Riley said, crossing to a chair to grab his jacket. "So why exactly are we going to the bridal shower? I thought that was a women only thing."
"Well, Joyce found this tradition about how the guests put the bows and ribbons from the gifts they give into the brides hair and then the groom kisses the bride for each one as he pulls them off. And who am I to argue with tradition, especially one that involves me kissing the most beautiful woman in the world." Graham said with a twinkle in his eye. Riley just laughed as he clapped a hand onto his friend's back, leading him out of the hotel room.
The room was bustling with women, young and old, engaged in idle chitchat. Willow, bows and ribbons decorating her red hair, busied herself unwrapping her grandma's gift. The woman knew how to use tape. Giving up on saving the paper, Willow dug into the small package. What she pulled forth nearly stopped her heart as she stared wide-eyed at the gift.
"Grandma!" She exclaimed, not believing what she was holding in her hand.
"The saleswoman recommended them." Willow's Grandma Rosenberg said with a mischievous glint in her eye. Willow often found it hard to believe her conservative father came from such a liberal woman. She blushed as she set aside the crotchless panties her grandmother had purchased for her.
Buffy entered the room, carrying a tray of pastries. Handing it off to her mother, who had offered to play hostess, she returned to her friend's side. Noticing Willow's tired eyes, Buffy leaned over, gently rubbing Willow's shoulders, much like a coach would his prize fighter's. Whispering softly in her ear, "Just one more hour and this will all be over," Buffy attempted to reassure her friend.
Anya waddled into the living room carrying a felt strip and push pin. "Alright everyone, time for pin the tail on the donkey!"
Willow leaned back in her chair, whispering back to Buffy. "Round two, ding ding ding!" Buffy laughed at Willow's joke as she began cleaning up the wrapping paper strewn across the room. With her arms full, she made her way to the kitchen to discard of the paper. From the hallway she heard Sheila Rosenberg cry out in pain as Anya, demonstrating how to pin the tail, accidently pinned Sheila instead. Buffy just rolled her eyes *Next time remember not to put Anya in charge of games.*
Buffy was on her way back to the festivities when the doorbell rang. Pulling the door open, she felt her heart skip a beat. She barely registered the fact that Graham had offered her greetings as her eyes drank in the sight of Riley. He looked a little tired, but even with that he was still devilishly handsome in the black leather jacket and blue jeans.
"Hey there Buff, I'm here to kiss my bride!" Graham said, not even trying to hide his excitement. "Are you ready for me?"
"Um..yeah, yeah, Will just got finished unwrapping the gifts. She'll be overjoyed if you would rescue her from Anya's idea of fun." Buffy glanced over her shoulder and watched as Willow pinned her tail to the back of an armchair.
"I see what you mean." Graham turned to Riley. "Oh, you don't mind if Riley comes along, Buffy, do ya?"
"Uh, no, of course not." Buffy studdered, not able to meet Riley's gaze. "Please come in!" Buffy thought she heard Riley mutter a thank you as he stepped into the house for the first time in three years.
"Well, if you to will excuse me, I see my damsel's in distress and I must rescue her." Buffy and Riley watched from the foyer as Graham darted into the living room, hauling a still blindfolded Willow into his arms before kissing her mercilessly. The room erupted in laughter as Willow blushed furiously.
Buffy watched the scene with envy before her attention was drawn back to the man in front of her. Riley had stuffed his hands in his front pockets the way he always did when he was nervous or embarrassed. Clearing his throat, he bounced on the balls of his feet. "Uh, sorry for just showing up, Graham kind of dragged me into this."
*Oh my god! A sentence, he actually just spoke more than a few syllables to me* Buffy felt her heart pound out of her chest as her spirits began to soar. Smiling, she shrugged. "No big. You're always welcome in this house." Buffy noticed a small smile stretch across Riley's face as he turned to watch Graham begin to kiss the bows out of Willow's hair. *Whoa, tongue! In front of her mother.* Riley was impressed.
"So, uh, do you want some cake?" Buffy asked.
"Sure, that sound good. Besides..." Riley indicated to were Graham was struggling to undo a tight knot in Willow's hair. "seems we may be awhile." Buffy smiled as she pointed to the kitchen. Taking the hint, Riley turned down the hall, with Buffy trailing behind him. Stopping at the hall mirror, she took a quick look at her reflection, adjusting her hair slightly, before entering the kitchen behind Riley.
"Have a seat." Buffy said while getting out a plate. Riley grabbed a stool and pulled up to the counter, watching as she dished out a generous piece of cake. Pushing the plate over to him, Buffy watched as he quickly ate it up.
"So, uh where's Jessica?" Buffy casually asked.
Riley nearly choked on the cake he was eating. Coughing to clear his throat, he grabbed a napkin from the pile on the counter. "She's at home." Riley said, wiping his mouth.
"Oh, well if you want to call the hotel, you're more than welcome to invite her over." Buffy had thought a lot about Jessica and decided it wasn't fair to hate the woman who had won over Riley's heart. Buffy was after all the one who let that heart go, she wanted to at least be civil to the woman.
"No, uh, she's gone home. To Huxley. We, uh, well we broke up last night." Riley said, using the fork to play with the cake in front of him, his appetite suddenly gone.
"Oh, god Riley. I'm so sorry!" Buffy resisted the urge to jump up and down, pumping her fists in the air, opting instead to affect a sympathetic look.
"Yeah, well, it was inevitable. We were total opposites, it wouldn't have lasted long anyway." Riley said, pushing the plate away from him.
Buffy felt suddenly guilty, she was feeling extreme happiness over something that was causing Riley pain. Buffy leaned forward, grabbing Riley's hand "I'm sure its all for the best, besides I'm sure the right one will come along."
Riley stared down at her small hand not even coming close to covering his own. The simple touch of her hand had sent a shock through him, his skin felt like it was on fire. Buffy watched his eyes for a moment, noticing he was staring at their hands. As guilt of the last three years came rushing back to the foreground of her mind, Buffy felt ashamed to be touching him. Quickly pulling away from him, she straightened back up. The loss of contact with her was so abrupt, Riley felt himself reach for her slightly, wanting that small moment in time back.
"Well, uh, I better get back to the party." Buffy said before fleeing from the kitchen. She brushed passed Graham in the hallway before pasting a smile on her face and rejoining the party.
Graham entered the kitchen to see Riley with his head in his hands, leaning on the counter. "Okay, man, what was that all about?"
Riley blinked back tears before sitting back up. "Nothing. It was nothing." *Just like what he had, nothing.* "You ready to go?"
"Yeah." Graham followed Riley out the kitchen door, shaking his head at his stubborn friends.
The soapy water had grown cold a while ago but Buffy barely noticed. Her fingers, long since pruned, meticulously scrubbed the plate until it sparkled. She had thrown all her concentration into the task at hand, hoping to escape the thoughts that kept bubbling up. Yet, as she caught her reflection in the porcelain, she had just scoured, thoughts of him flooded her mind once again.
*He was single!* Her mind shouted at her in glee. She couldn't believe it. Here he was, so close and available. It seemed to her for a moment, while they were in the kitchen together, the barriers that had separated them had bent a little. They were able to look at each other, talk with one another. Just being near him for those few moments had left her with some kind of hope.
But then the darker thoughts betrayed those that sought to fill her heart with happiness. Could he ever forgive her for her behavior all those years ago? And if he did, was there a chance that they could rekindle the passion and love they had once shared with all the pain he had endured at her hand? Or what if he isn't over Jessica? What if the break-up was one sided, was his heart scarred beyond repair from Jessica leaving him? Had he been deeply in love with her?
The look on his face when Riley had told her Jessica had left him still haunted her. He looked so lost, so alone. From what she had seen of Jessica and Riley together, they had been the perfect couple. They looked so in love and content. Buffy feared that Jessica still held Riley's heart. A heart that Buffy desperately wanted back.
"Whatcha thinkin' about?" Willow asked as she added moreplates to the `to be washed' pile. Next time they were definitely using paper products.
Buffy quickly rinsed the plate she was holding, before she set it aside to be dried. "Oh, uh, nothing in particular."
"Nothing in particular, huh? Buffy, you were staring at that plate for five minutes. I timed you." Willow grabbed the dish towel next to the sink and began drying the dishes. "So spill."
Buffy knew that she couldn't get anything past her best friend. Soaping up the next plate, she took a deep breath before beginning. "Riley. He, uh, he broke up with Jessica."
Willow's head whipped around. "He what?"
"Riley said that he and Jessica broke up and that she has gone home to Huxley." Buffy said as she handed the plate she had been scrubbing over to Willow.
"That's great news Buffy!" Willow exclaimed. The wide grin that had appeared upon hearing the news slowly disappeared when she saw that Buffy didn't share her excitement. "Isn't it great news?"
"I don't know Will! I mean I hurt him so deeply. What if...what if he can't forgive me? What if he is still in love with her? I don't want to get my hopes up only to have them come crashing down....again. Every time I get close to having something I want, it gets ripped away from me. I don't think I could handle getting rejected by Riley." Buffy's eyes welled up with tears as she tried desperately to blink them back.
"Oh, Buffy!" Willow grabbed Buffy's arm, leading her over to the counter. Pulling out a stool, Willow made her sit down before sitting herself. "Buffy, I don't know what I can say to make this all better for you. You can't change what happened between you two in the past. You can only move forward. I know Riley and I know that he was once deeply in love with you. He would have moved heaven and earth if you had asked him to. That kind of love doesn't happen every day Buffy. The chance that he has found it again with Jessica is very doubtful." Willow gently wiped a tear away that had found its way down Buffy's face. "Did you know that Riley asks about you every time he calls Graham?" Buffy lifted her eyes to meet Willows, the disbelief reflected clearly in the green depths.
Willow nodded her head. "Its true Buffy. He still cares deeply about you. Graham once told me that Riley blames himself for the breakup. Did you know that?"
Buffy shook her head. How could he possibly blame himself? She was the one who.... God, did he really feel guilty about something she had done?
"Buffy, I know that the two of you can get through this. If you two lunkheads can stop acting like stubborn two year olds that is and stop blaming yourselves for thing that happened in the past."
Buffy smiled at her friend through the tears. Taking a deep breath, Buffy smiled. "You're right. If I want him back, I'm just going to have to win him over. When I'm through with him, Jessica will just be a faded memory."
"That's the Buffy I know and love." Patting her friendon the leg, Willow stepped over to the sink to take over the dish washing responsibilities. Buffy grabbed the dish towel from the counter and began drying, her head a lot clearer and her heart full of hope for the future.
"She said that?" Graham asked, the phone cradled between his ear and shoulder as he finished buttoning up his shirt.
"Yep, said she was going to win him back." Willow sounded so happy. He could just see her sitting on her bed, a huge smile across her face, bouncing a little on the bed with all the excitement.
"Well, that will certainly make our jobs a lot easier. Now if we can only knock some sense into Riley." Graham sat down on his bed as he pulled on his shoes.
"How was he last night?" Willow asked.
"He was really quiet, like he was lost in thought. Didn't even flinch when a cheerleader gave him a lap dance." Graham said.
"WHAT?" Willow exclaimed.
"I'm joking, Will." Graham loved teasing his soon-to-be bride.
"You better be or it will be a *very* long honeymoon. So do you think we can get them back together?"
"It'll be tough, they both are so stubborn, but I know Riley loves her. All they need is a push in the right direction. And we're going to shove them." Graham said smiling into the phone.
"Let's hope so. Oh, the gang just got here. We are going to pick up the cake. I'll see you at one." Willow said, hoping that Graham remembered the rehearsal.
"I'll be there. I love you!"
"I love you! Bye!" Graham waited until he heard the click on the line before placing his own phone in it cradle.
Grabbing his gym bag, he headed out of the apartment that in less then two days he would be sharing with Willow. That thought always made him smile. He was so lucky to have found the woman of his dreams. He just wished Riley would grab onto his.
The adrenaline was pumping through his system as he charged once again for the basket. Basketball was always such a release for him. When Riley was on the court it was as if the rest of the world disappeared and his cares and worries with it. There was just the ball, the hoop and the opponent. The opponent, being Graham, was less than thrilled at the moment. Down by seven, Graham's chances of recovering were slim. Riley rolled right, pushing past Graham with ease as he leapt for the basket. The ball was slammed through the rim as Riley grabbed onto it for a moment, suspending his body in the air before returning to the ground, a huge smile of victory across his face.
"Man, you are on fire today. What gives?" Graham asked as Riley checked the ball for him.
Tossing the ball back to Graham, Riley just offered him a smile. "Just in the zone I guess."
The moment Graham stepped onto the court, Riley was on him again. His defense was ruthless, Graham never stood a chance. Riley stripped the ball from him before he could even think. Graham stood in silence as he watched his friend perform a flawless lay-up, thus sealing the game.
"That's game, buddy!" Riley said as he tossed the ball to Graham.
"Yeah, figures. So I guess I owe you breakfast." Graham smiled at his friend who seemed to be in a rather chipper mood this morning.
"Yep, and I'm starved." Riley toweled off his face as Graham prepared to leave. "So you nervous?"
"About your appetite? Yeah, you could eat me out of house and home." Graham said as he pulled on his button down shirt.
"No, I mean about tomorrow. About getting married." Riley asked as he took a swig from his bottle of water.
"Nah. I feel exhilarated. Rye, nobody has ever made me feel the way Willow does. She's absolute perfection. God, I'm so blessed. I don't feel complete unless she is with me, I can't sleep unless she is next to me. It's like she has this power over me, I'm mesmerized by her very existence. Do you know what I mean?"
Riley smiled as he nodded his head. He had once felt the same way a long time ago. "When Buffy would go out on patrol alone, I felt like I couldn't breathe until she was back safe and sound in my arms."
"You two shared something very powerful!" Graham patted his shoulder as Riley picked up his gym bag.
"Shared being the operative word there." Riley said as hebegan to walk off the court. He could still feel the impression of her hand on his. It had been so warm, comforting. That brief moment had felt so good, so right. But then she had jerked away from him like he was diseased. Riley knew that she must still loathe him for what he had said. That little reaction to touching him had been enough to shatter any hopes he had of getting back with her. Buffy was gone and he would have to accept that.
Graham hung back a little, watching Riley as he walked to the car. Though Riley had just had an incredible win on the basketball court, to the casual observer noting the demeanor of the two men, Riley would look like the loser. Defeat etched through Riley's frame as he hung his head in shame.
Row upon row of white chairs lined the length of the great hall. Ribbon and lace were placed here and there, giving the room a fairy tale type feel. Buffy watched in awe as Willow instructed the decorators on the fine art of twinkling light placement in the garland that hung around the altar. Willow had changed so much since Buffy first met her. Gone was the shy bookish girl--she had been replaced by a confident, take charge woman. But then again, they had all changed over the years. Buffy spied Xander whispering to Anya, his hands gently rubbing her enlarged abdomen. Anya giggled, before she kissed Xander sweetly on the lips.
Buffy longed for the relationship that Anya and Xander had. They looked at each other with such devotion and adoration. Buffy unconsciously placed a hand on her stomach, wondering what it would be like to have another life growing inside her, knowing she created something wonderful with the man that she love. Turning away from the blissfully happy couple, Buffy noticed Graham and Riley enter through the back doors. Buffy couldn't help the elation she felt upon seeing the man most of her fantasies revolved around enter the room.
"Hey, Buff! Where is that gorgeous redhead of mine?" Graham asked as he approached Buffy. She turned from him to point toward the altar where Willow was currently making the young decorator cry. Graham shook his head as he headed over toward his fuming love, hoping he could solve the problem before Willow decided to turn the young man into a frog.
Riley hung back by the door, unsure of his place among the group. Graham had become a proud member of the Scooby gang over the course of his and Willow's relationship, but Riley had given up his membership when he left Sunnydale. Now, he was no longer sure of his place in this tight group he had once considered his friends. Xander had been sociable at the tux fitting, but had seemed a little distracted. And from the looks of Anya, Riley could see why.
"Riley, hey man! Good to see you!" Xander pulled Anya to a stop in front of the ex-marine. Holding out his hand, Xander extended a warm smile to Riley.
"You too! Anya, you look absolutely radiant." Riley looked down at Anya's stomach and returned Xander's warm smile. "Congratulations, when's the big occasion?"
"A couple weeks!" Xander grinned.
"Thank God!" Anya said as she rubbed her lower back. "I can't take much more of these back aches and my feet are swollen and I'm horny as hell." Riley and Xander watched as Anya wandered off to find a chair to sit in, still complaining about her various aches and pains.
"Anya was cramping a few weeks ago and the doctor thought it would be best if we didn't...you know, until after the baby was born. It's left Anya in a rather foul mood." Xander said as he watched Anya lower herself into an overstuffed armchair she had found in a corner.
"I can see that. But it will all be worth it." Riley watched Xander, noting how the younger man beamed with pride.
"It definitely will be."
Buffy watched as Riley and Xander engaged in idle chitchat. Riley, legs spread slightly, hands stuffed into his pockets, was intent on listening to one of Xander's many tales. Buffy took a deep breath before smoothing down her shirt. Giving herself a little pep talk she prepared to approach the two men. Sucking up all the courage she possessed, she walked determinedly toward Riley, who was now laughing at one of Xander's jokes. Her mouth was suddenly dry, and she stopped short. Losing her courage, she looked for a place to escape. Finding her getaway, she changed her direction, making a beeline instead for the water fountain.
Riley had felt her watching them, and was hoping she would join them. Just talking to her gave him a thrill that lasted for days. Instead, much to his dismay, she went for the water fountain. With a somber look on his face, Riley continued to nod as Xander began discussing some new job site he was working on with his construction company. Riley barely registered the words, his attention instead on Buffy as she leaned over to drink the water. Her hair fell forward and she had to scramble to hold it back as she sipped at the cool liquid. Riley wished it was his hand holding her hair back over her shoulder, his lips gently kissing her neck, his body curving into hers...but that would never be again. Shaking his head, he diverted his attention back to Xander.
Buffy stood up, wiping the excess water from her mouth. Calming herself, she turned around and noticed that Xander was still talking Riley's ear off. Buffy watched as Riley, shifted his arms, crossing them tightly across his chest and she remembered what it was like to be in those arms, to feel the heat of his body, to hear the loving words as he comforted her, loved her....she longed for those moments and she was determined to get them back.
Taking a deep breath again, she started her second approach....only to be stopped by Willow who was dragging her to the back of the hall while ordering all the men to the front. Buffy hadn't even noticed that the officiator had arrived and was now patiently waiting at the front of the hall with Graham. Anya pushed herself out of the oversize chair with great difficulty and waddled back to where the other girls were waiting.
"Riley, you should be between Graham and Xander." Willow instructed. She watched as Riley and Xander quickly traded places. "There, that's better." Turning her attention to the girls, she pulled Anya until she was standing at the front of the path. "Now when the music starts, Anya will start off, Buffy you wait until she gets to the third row and then you go. Is that all clear?"
"Why do we have to walk? Why can't we stand up there with the rest of them? Or have those big men over there carry us? " Anya pointed to Willow's cousins who were busying themselves with setting up the remaining chairs. Anya's feet were killing her and the idea of walking down the aisle and then standing for God knows how long was not her idea of fun. "It's ridiculous that we must parade ourselves in front of everyone."
"Anya, its tradition. Besides don't you want everyone to see how beautiful you are?" Willow said, really not wanting to argue with the ex-demon.
"Willow, I look like I swallowed a beach ball, do you think I want people staring at me?"
"Anya, please!" Willow was hanging on by a very thin thread, the day seemed to be getting worse and worse and Anya was just about to make her snap.
Anya quieted, knowing not to push the young witch. Patting her growling tummy, she prayed that this would end soon so they could get to the lunch portion of the rehearsal.
Willow breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that Anya was not going to argue further. Giving Anya a slight nudge, she watched the mother-to-be make her way down the aisle. Buffy smiled at Willow before following after Anya. Buffy keep her eyes glued to Anya's back, her steps matching those of the ex-demon. But that didn't last long, her eyes began to wander, seeking out the familiar blue ones she longed to gaze into. He was watching her, and she couldn't help the smile that crept onto her face. She felt flushed under his gaze and looked away, embarrassed.
Riley couldn't keep his gaze from traveling over her frame. She smiled and though Riley doubted that it was meant for him, he couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. She always had that affect on him. The simplest smile from her could leave his soul elated for days. She looked away though, her checks stained red with embarrassment and Riley couldn't help but grin wider.
Buffy took her place next to Anya and watched as Willow made her way down the aisle, a huge grin spread across her face. Upon reaching the others, Willow fluttered her hands in the air excitedly. "That was perfect! Do it just like that tomorrow." Turning her attention to Graham, Willow took his hands, squeezing them gently before they both turned their attention to the officiator who instructed them on what he would be saying and what they would be doing. Buffy only half listened to the man as her eyes roamed over Riley's body, taking careful note of his chiseled chest and muscular arms, nicely displayed in the tight sweater he was wearing. She got a nice view of his butt when he turned to straighten a decoration that had fallen over. Unfortunately, she believed he caught her on that account and she quickly diverted her eyes.
Riley saw the appreciative glance she had given him and blushed. But then he had been doing the same thing to her, had he not? Especially those jeans that hugged her hips and butt so well that his imagination was going into overdrive. Willow turned to them, instructing them on how they would follow her and Graham back down the aisle after the ceremony. Willow and Graham would lead, followed by Buffy and Riley, with Xander and Anya bringing up the rear. Willow took Graham's arm before nodding her head, indicating the others should follow.
Riley approached Buffy nervously. It had been three years since they had really been close. That brief touch they had shared in the kitchen had left him longing for more. And while this was just a short walk down the aisle, Riley was going to enjoy it as much as possible. Her arm slid between his body and arm and she pulled close to him, so close that he could feel the warmth of her through his clothes. Buffy looked up at him and smiled and he returned it and slowly began leading her down the aisle.
God, he envied Willow and Graham, envied the happiness they had found. He wished more than anything that it was he getting married. Getting married to this beautiful creature hanging on his arm. But he pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind, better to just appreciate the things he had and not on the things he desired.
The walk was over too quickly for either of them, and they stepped back as they watched Anya and Xander approach. Willow was pleased with the rehearsal. Not only were the decorations almost complete and everyone now knew their places for tomorrow, but she had noticed the longing looks that both Buffy and Riley had been giving each other. If Graham's plan went through without a hitch, by tomorrow night her best friend would be back in the arms of the man she loved.
Her friend stirred in the bed, but she did not wake. Buffy was impressed that Willow was able to sleep so peacefully, what with all the excitement the next day held. She, on the other hand, had been unable to sleep. Staring out the window at the stars, Buffy had remembered those times with Riley that she longed to recapture. The days they would spend at the beach, playing football in the surf, the long walks into the wooded area surrounding Sunnydale, the talks in front of the fire about nothing in particular, just enjoying each other's company.
Willow murmured in her sleep about being cold. Buffy crossed from her place by the window to the bed. Picking up the discarded comforter, she covered Willow and watched as the small redhead snuggled into the added warmth, a small smile playing across her face as she again slipped into a deep sleep.
Envious of her friend's restful state, Buffy figured a jogmight help her relax a little. Quickly changing out of her pajamas and into some sweats, Buffy grabbed her shoes and silently slipped out of the room.
The night air felt good on her face as she listened to her shoes pound against the concrete. She had been running for half an hour and she still felt tense. The streets all became a blur to her as she ran aimlessly through Sunnydale. Her mind replayed the events of the last couple days as she tried to sort through her feelings. She found herself speeding up slightly, her lungs beginning to burn with the added strain. She ran hard, hoping to outrun the past, her past, her mistakes, but no matter how hard she pushed, they kept up with her, threatening to overtake her.
Though she had made up her mind earlier that she was going to go after Riley, she found her determination wavering. She couldn'thelp but wonder if he was better off without her. She was inevitably going to hurt him. He deserved someone better, someone who would never cause him pain and grief. Tears flooded her eyes, blurring her vision as she thought about all the times Riley''s beautifulblue eyes had reflected deep hurt when she had wounded him with word or action. The dip in the sidewalk came without warning, as she stumbled to retain her balance, she flung her arms out, groping for anything that would halt her descent. Finding nothing, her body crashed to the ground, her knees and elbows scraping painfully on the cement.
Cringing, Buffy dragged herself into a sitting position, assessing the damage her fall had caused. Both elbows were red, but the skin was not broken. Her knees were another thing. Her new sweat pants had ripped at the knees and the skin there was torn and bleeding. Shaking her head at her clumsiness, she ripped the bottom of her sweat pants off, tearing them into strips, she wrapped the make shift bandages around her knees. Satisfied with her handiwork, Buffy stood up, dusting herself off.
Glancing around to determine her location, she noticed she was in the drive of the Four Seasons. Willow, trying to encourage her to talk to Riley after the rehearsal, had told her earlier that Riley was staying here and had even given Buffy his room number. Buffy had weaseled her way out of it by claiming she was sure he was busy helping Graham with things and she didn't want to disturb him. Finding herself here, now, she had the overwhelming urge to be near him. Maybe that was why she found her body propelling itself towards the hotel of its own volition.
Limping past his rental car, she ran her hand over the paint, touching the driver side door handle, knowing his hand had been there. Wincing she climbed the steps to the second floor as she felt her heart begin to pound inside her chest. It always did that when she was anticipating seeing him. It always gave her such a rush to be near him. Though the curtains in Riley's room were drawn, Buffycould see a sliver of light through the slit in the middle. The window was open and Buffy could hear the television sports announcer clearly. Edging closer to the window, Buffy peered into the small hotel room. Her eyes caught sight of him immediately.
Riley was sprawled across the bed, remote control clutched tightly in one hand, a beer in the other. His eyes were glued to the T.V. and occasionally he would shake his head in disgust over a bad call or play.
Pushing back a few stray hairs that had come loose during her run, she stepped up to the door. Raising her hand to the door, she breathed deeply, hoping to calm her nerves. Why did she feel so nervous? The man had seen her at her most vulnerable. Riley had seen her cry, yell, laugh, drunk. He had seen her naked, knew every inch of her body and soul. So why was she afraid to let him see her beg? Maybe it was the Slayer in her, maybe she was afraid of the rejection, hell, she didn't know, but standing there, withnothing but a door separating them, she had never felt so naked before and her brain was screaming at her to run away while her heart was pleading with her to stay and fight for him.
Her emotions warring inside her head, she lowered her forehead to rest on the door. The thump of her head against the wood must have been louder than she thought, because she heard the unmistakable squeak of the mattress from inside the room, followed by large footsteps headed toward the door. Fear gripping her, Buffy did the only thing she could think of. She fled. Turning to her right, she dashed for the corner of the building and made it out of sight before he heard the door opening, followed by a questioning, "Hello?" Not wanting to stick around to see if he would comelooking for her, she made her way to the back of the hotel and descended the stairs, stealing off into the night, hoping he would never know of her presence there tonight.
After tossing and turning for a couple hours on the lumpy hotel bed, Riley had given up on the prospect of sleep. Throwing on some jeans and a t-shirt, he headed out the door. Walking across the street to the 7-11, he noticed how peaceful things seemed. He had yet to see a vampire or demon on his visit and it made him wonder how Buffy was doing in the slaying department. It was something he had always admired about her, her willingness to fight the good fight, her unselfishness and commitment towards the job and her strength. And not just her physical strength, but her emotional and intellectual as well. He had yet to meet another woman who could compare to her.
Picking up a six-pack and some munchies Riley quickly paid for them and made his way back to the hotel. He hadn't carried a stakewith him since he had left Sunnydale all those years ago and he didn't want to end up something's midnight snack. Enteringhis hotel room, he threw the pass key onto the table and ripping a beer from the plastic rings settled down on the bed for a night of bad TV.
After flipping through half a dozen infomercial's, Riley was surprised and relieved to see a tape-delayed basketball game on. The Spurs vs. the Jazz. Immersing himself into the game, he was able to block out the loneliness he was feeling for minutes on end. But then he would feel the sting of solitude when he would make a comment about a bad call or a player's style and there would be no onethere to affirm or disagree with his opinion. So he kept quiet, guzzling the beer, hoping to get a buzz that would allow him to forget all together.
He was on his fifth beer when he heard steps on the stairs, figuring it was his noisy neighbor he turned his attention back to the game. The footsteps crossed in front of his room, where they paused. Though his interest was piqued slightly, Riley was feeling a good buzz and didn't want to think about it. It wasn't until he heard thesoft thump on the door that Riley felt the situation warranted investigation. Climbing off the bed with a little difficulty, he wobbled to the door. Bumping his hip into the dresser on his way, he cursed softly as he rubbed the spot trying to reduce the ache.
Reaching the door, he steadied himself before pulling it open. The doorway was empty. Puzzled, Riley stepped out onto the walkway and looked up and down the hall. "Hello?" Getting silence inreturn, he turned to go back into the room when he caught it. The unmistakable scent of vanilla musk. Turning back around, his eyes searched desperately for her, eager to catch some glimpse of her, hoping his mind wasn't conjuring up some fantasy just because he needed her so badly. Seeing no sign of Buffy, he shook his head, feeling foolish for even thinking she would come.
Storming back into the room, he flipped off the television and pulled down the covers to the bed, sending the empty beer cans scattering. Shutting off the light, he closed his eyes, praying that sleep would come. But instead of sleep, he felt the tears slowly slide down his face as loneliness gripped him once again. Grabbing the pillow next to him, he hugged it tightly to his chest, imagining it was Buffy instead. Imagining she was there, hugging him, comforting him, loving him.
Just like he longed to be loving her.
Willow's skirt seemed to flow around her tiny frame as she frantically paced the length of the room. Twisting the gloves in her hand, she was the perfect picture of jumbled nerves. "What if he doesn't show? What is he takes one look at me and realizes he's made a huge mistake?"
"Will." Buffy got up from her chair where she had been watching Willow with fascination. Taking the red-head's hands in her own, Buffy sought to calm her nervous friend. "That man is hopelessly, undeniably in love with you. There is no need for you to be worried. Besides, he has been here since five o'clock this morning, he is so excited."
"Really?" Willow's green eyes were huge with wonder.
"Really. Saw him ordering people around myself. He wants this day to be perfect for you." Buffy could see the visible change in her friend as she began to settle down.
Willow took a deep breath as she walked to the mirror once again to make sure that her veil was straight. Glancing at the gloves in her hand, she put on her resolve face, deciding to banish those negative thoughts from her head. Sliding her hands into the gloves, she adjusted them until they were straight. Then turning around, she offered herself up to Buffy for inspection.
Buffy couldn't help the tears that formed in her eyes. The day had finally arrived and she was losing her best friend. And though she could not think of a person she was more willing to give her friend to than Graham, Buffy felt an aching in her heart as she realized things were going to change once again. It would no longer be just Willow, it would be Willow and Graham. Like Xander and Anya. A complete package, not sold separately. Leaving Buffy once again as the odd man out.
"Will, you are absolute perfection. Graham is one lucky guy!" Buffy smiled at her friend through her tears.
"Ya think?" Willow grinned as she twirled around in her dress.
"Definitely!" Buffy returned to her chair and sat gingerly down. Her knees, though healing rapidly, were still sore and hurt when she was required to bend them. She just hoped she wouldn't make a fool of herself hobbling down the aisle.
Anya entered the room, a smile adorning her face. "They're ready for us!" Grabbing the bouquet from the table, Anya crossed to Willow, handing her the arrangement before grabbing her own. The composed, serene look left Willow's eyes, once again replaced with fear. "Oh God, what if he says no?"
Buffy groaned.
The ceremony went perfectly. Once Anya and Buffy had managed to calm Willow enough to get her to walk down the aisle, things went smoothly. One look at Graham's radiant face and all Willow's doubts were washed away. Graham, with Riley and Xander by his side, beamed at his bride to be, declaring his undying love for her, promising to give her the world and more.
Willow followed suit, promising to follow him to the ends of the earth and not to turn him into a toad if she ever got mad at him. They exchanged rings, adoration clearly written across each of their faces. Graham didn't even hesitate when the officiator told him to kiss the bride. With great enthusiasm, Graham grabbed hold of Willow, pulling her into a tight embrace. His lips found hers in a searing kiss that spoke volumes of the love and passion he held for her.
The audience erupted into applause as Willow, a little dizzy from the mind-blowing kiss, grabbed hold of Graham's arm, blushing from head to toe. As Buffy took Riley's arm, she couldn't help but notice how stunning he looked in his tux. The smooth cloth felt good, rubbing slightly against her skin as she walked with him down the aisle, feeling the hard muscle underneath, remembering the feel of those arms when they were holding her.
Riley had been eyeing Buffy throughout the ceremony, loving the way her dress fit her body. His fingers were just itching to run through that incredible mane of golden locks. He had been entranced by the slight sway of her hips as she glided down the aisle towards him. And for a moment he held onto the fantasy that it was his and Buffy's wedding and she would be pledging her love for him and he to her. But that thought quickly dissolved when she had turned, joining Anya on the other side.
Now feeling her so close, her heat, her scent assaulting his senses, he wanted nothing more then to tell her how she made him feel, how much he wanted her. But the fear of rejection played on his courage and he left those emotions tucked away.
The music thumped loudly as people young and old danced to the new age beat. Laughter and conversation abounded as people toasted to the new couple and celebrated their union. With all the joy surrounding her, Buffy was surprised to find herself more depressed then ever. Maybe it was the fact that she had just lost her best friend, maybe it was that her Slayer side was scolding her for being such a coward when it came to Riley, or maybe it was the fact that Graham's cousin was currently putting the moves on her man....her man, where had that come from?
Graham's cousin, Melinda, seemed to be all hands and Riley was trying desperately to be polite, ignoring the way her body rubbed intimately against his own, her hands slipping slowly downward, but enough was enough. Thanking her for the dance, he excused himself, stating that he had best man duties to perform. And although it wasn't entirely a lie, Riley felt a little guilty when he saw the pouting look on her face as he made his way over to Xander.
Anya was more than happy to give Xander over to Riley for awhile. At eight and a half months pregnant, she had grown tired of his recent tendency to hover and she could use a break. As Riley and Xander made there way to the parking lot, Riley tried to ignore the sad look on Buffy's face but felt his heart breaking for the girl. As Xander pulled out the bag with the supplies, Riley couldn't help but question one of the Slayer's best friends about her current condition. "Is Buffy okay, Xander? She seems a little blue."
Handing over a can of whipped cream to Riley, Xander carefully mulled over how to proceed with him. "Well, the thing is, there's this guy...and she well, she really likes him, but is not sure if he feels the same and is worried that if she lets him know how she feels about him, he may reject her. She doesn't think she can take the pain." That was enough of a hint, right?
Riley felt his jealousy rise. God, he was such a fool to think that a beautiful woman like Buffy would remain unattached. But as he remembered that pained look on her face from moments ago, his jealousy turned to that of anger at any man that would reject such a precious girl. "What idiot would dare reject such a...such a gift?" Riley could hear the longing in his own voice and looked at Xander, who had stopped taping the condom to the windshield of the limo to stare, open-mouthed, at Riley.
"You're in love with her!" Xander exclaimed, clearly surprised at the sudden revelation.
"Is it that obvious?" Riley asked, knowing the answer to his own question. Taking the top off the can, Riley began spraying the cream across the back window.
"You've got to tell her, man!" Xander insisted.
"Tell her, what? 'So sorry I caused you all that pain, sorry I accused you of letting your friend....your father figure die, but hey, guess what I'm in love with you. Does that make you feel better?'" Riley stated, sarcastically, knowing Buffy would never forgive him for his actions all those years ago. How could she, when he couldn't forgive himself?
"That sounds pretty damn good to me." Xander stated, hating these self-flagellating friends that won't let the past die.
Riley looked up at Xander, knowing he would never understand. Xander had never seen the hurt in Buffy's that night he had spoken so cruelly to her. "Let's just drop it, man. Forget I said anything."
Xander wasn't about to leave it at that, but before he could do anything about it, Willow's uncle came out requesting both of their company inside, stating he would take over the decorating detail. Handing off the condoms and whipped cream to the older gentlemen, the two made their way inside to find that the bride and groom were ready to cut the cake.
Buffy watched enviously, as Willow and Graham swayed on the dance floor, whispering endearments into each others ears. They were the picture of bliss and it made her heart swell to know that her best friend was so happy and content.
"So, is everything set?" Graham asked as he whirled his wife around the dance floor.
"Everything is in place, now we just need the two of them." Willow said as she glanced over at Buffy who was still sulking at the table. "Maybe we need to set the mood first, what do you think?"
Graham glanced from Buffy to Riley, both looking like their favorite puppy had just died. "Yeah and I have just the thing." As the song drew to a close, Graham kissed his blushing bride on the nose before leading her off the dance floor. Grabbing the microphone from the DJ, he asked for everyone's attention. "Willow and I would like to ask that the best men and bridesmaids join us for the next dance, so if you would please..." Graham motioned for the others to follow their example. Xander took Anya's hand and led her to the dance floor, embracing her as best he could around her ample belly. Graham lead Willow back out before casting a glance in Riley's direction.
How did I ever let you slip away
Never knowing I'd be singing this song some day
And now I'm sinking, sinking to rise no more
Ever since you closed the door
Riley took the cue from Graham and nervously approached Buffy. Swallowing the huge lump that had formed in his throat, Riley held out his hand, asking Buffy to dance. Buffy stared in horror at his extended hand. She felt her knees begin to tremble as she took his hand into her own and was afraid she was going to faint before they made it to the dance floor. Riley licked his suddenly dry lips as he pulled her close, taking her soft hand into his sweaty one. He apologized, wiping his palm on his jacket, before taking her hand again.
If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darling you, you'd still be mine
If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darling you'd still be mine
She felt like heaven. Her body moving in time with his, they had found a familiar rhythm, like they had never been apart. She smelled just as sweet as she did three years ago. He couldn't help the tightening he felt in his chest as he held her close to him. Loving her breath hot on his chest, her hand on his shoulder, her hair tickling his nose. He missed this...this just being near her, being with her. Riley wished more then anything that he could freeze time and just go on feeling this moment.
Funny, funny how time goes by
And blessings are missed in the wink of an eye
Why oh why oh why should one have to go on suffering
When everyday I plead please come back to me
Buffy felt Riley tighten his hold on her and couldn't help but pull him tighter. Just feeling him holding her felt so right. She felt his hand trail along her bare back and the air catch in her own lungs as a chill ran down her spine. Taking a deep breath, she breathed him in, closing her eyes she just let herself feel.
If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darling you, you'd still be mine
If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darling you'd still be mine
Soft, she was so soft, her skin under his hands was just as he remembered it to be. God, how he wanted to kiss her, feel her lips warm, soft and wet against his own. To know that this moment wasn't some figment of his imagination, that she was here, holding him tightly, letting him hold her. He couldn't help it, his lips brushed gently against the top of her head.
And you had enough love for the both of us
But I, I did your wrong I admit I did
But now I'm facing the rest of my life alone
If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darling you, you'd still be mine
If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darling you'd still be mine
God how she wished she could just tell him...tell him how much she missed him, how much she needed him, how much she loved him. She felt him nudge her head softly and imagined that he was kissing her softly, instead of bumping into her. Buffy allowed herself to indulge in that fantasy, that he loved and wanted her as much as she did him.
I'd never hurt you (If I could turn back)
Never do your wrong (if I could turn back)
And never leave your side (If I could turn back)
If I could turn back the hands of time
Her eyes swept the crowd that had gathered to watch the couples dance slowly and she caught sight of Willow's cousin, obviously drunk, making a pass at one of Graham's aunts. Buffy cringed as she saw the woman slap the inebriated cousin soundly for some off colored comment he had made. The sound of that slap resinated in her head reminding her of the time she had dealt such a punishment.
There'll be nothing I wouldn't do for you (If I could turn back)
Forever honest and true to you (If I could turn back)
If you accept me back in your heart, I love you
If I could turn back the hands
Buffy couldn't turn back time, the mistakes she had made following Giles' death were still haunting her and she could do nothing to change them. Tears rolled silently down her face as she continued to sway with Riley. Suddenly the room seemed too small, too claustrophobic. She had to get away. Pulling swiftly out of Riley's embrace, she turned her head so that he wouldn't see her tears. Whispering "I'm sorry, so sorry!" Buffy fled from the room, as Riley watched in disappointment.
I'm going down yes I am (if I could turn)
Down on my bended knee yeah (If I could turn)
And I'm gonna be right there until you return to me
If I could turn back the hands
He noticed the wet marks on his jacket and knew that Buffy was crying. Concerned, Riley began to follow only to be halted by Willow. "I'll take care of it, Riley. Go sit down, relax." Willow charged after her friend, hoping that she hadn't left the premises.
(If I could turn back) if I could turn back that
little clock on the wall
(If I could turn back) Then I'd come to realize how
much I love you,
love you, love you, love you, love you
If I could turn back the hands of time
Riley shuffled his feet on the floor, stuffing his hands in his pockets, unsure of what to do. Knowing he was the last person Buffy would want to see right now, he followed Willow's advice. Grabbing a bottle of champagne, he found an empty table and proceeded to pour himself a large glass of the bubbly liquid.
Before the substance found its way to his lips, he noticed Willow return, sans Buffy. Graham and Willow conferred briefly before Graham made his way over to Riley. "Hey man! Umm...my Grandma is a little chilled and would like her sweater, do you think you could go to the coat room and get it for her? Seems Willow needs me for a minute."
"Sure man! Anything." Riley quickly stood up, relieved to have a mission, even if it was only fetching a coat for an elderly woman.
"It's a purple, frilly thing, can't miss it. Coat room is third door on the left and thanks!" Graham clapped his hand on his friend's shoulder before shoving him off. Willow waited until Riley was out the door before joining Graham.
"Think he bought it."
"Let's hope. Come on, if we want this thing to work we need to move now." Graham grabbed Willow's hand and rushed in the direction Riley had just left.
The sounds of the party faded as Riley walked down the darkened hall of the Reception Center. Even with all of the jovial happenings just a few yards away, he felt miserable. His best friend had just married the woman of his dreams, why couldn't he feel excited for the couple? His lonely heart, that's why. Feeling Buffy in his arms again had been a dream come true. So soft and wonderful beneath his fingers. He had hoped for a few more minutes to savor the feel of her, but she had pulled away so quickly, her eyes awash with tears. `When I meet that bastard that has put that look on her face, I'm going to pulverize him.'
Finding the third door, Riley entered the room, his head hanging, allowing the door to shut behind him. The room was illuminated by a single lamp burning in the far corner, causing Riley to adjust his eyes to his surroundings. The room was a small office, not the coat room he had expected. And he was not alone. Next to the desk holding the lamp, a small bundle of burgundy sat crouched in a huge leather chair, softly sobbing.
Buffy raised her tear soaked face, regarding Riley with abject horror. Mascara was smeared around her eyes and no amount of rubbing could hide the evidence of the tears. "Riley! I...uh.." Buffy stammered. Sitting up she tried to soothe the fabric of her dress, hoping to gain some semblance of composure.
"I'm sorry...I'll just." Riley began to retreat towards the door, wanting to give her some privacy. Stopping short though, his hand on the door knob, he turned slightly, regarding her silently for a moment. "Whoever he is, Buffy, he's lucky to have you. He'd be a fool not to see that." Turning the knob, Riley quickly exited the room.
Buffy was stunned by his words and more then a little confused.`He? who is he talking about?' Grabbing a Kleenex from the desk, she quickly set about to cleaning up the wreck that had been her make up. She needed to find Willow, hoping the little witch could shed some light on Riley's speech.
"Hurry!" Graham exclaimed upon hearing the voices inside the room. "Shh! I'm going as fast as I can. This is a delicate procedure." Willow sprinkled the dust at the threshold of the doorway before beginning the incantation. "Grant no passage this night to those residing within, let not the shadow of the past delight but the glory of love triumph here tonight." Willow smiled up at Graham as she closed the book in her grasp.
"Hey guys!" Riley exclaimed as he passed through the door causing Willow to jump in surprise. Once he was out, the door slammed shut behind him. "Whoa, strong draft." Riley said as he eyed the door. "Hey listen, I'm gonna take off. I'm suddenly not feeling well. I couldn't find the jacket for your Grandma, Graham."
Looking past Riley at Willow, who was searching frantically through the book to find what may have happened that had caused the spell to backfire, Graham tried to stall. "Is everything all right, buddy?"
"Yeah, I'm just...I'm tired." Riley said, his shoulders mirroring the defeat he felt. Turning to leave, he found his way barred.
"Are you sure you want to go? I mean the night is young." Graham said, placing a hand on Riley's shoulder, leading him back towards the party.
Riley easily shrugged Graham off, shaking his head he headed toward the exit. "Nah, but you two have fun. And congratulations! I'm happy for you both." With that, Riley escaped into the night.
Graham turned back to Willow, hoping for some answers. "What just happened? He should be locked in there with Buffy doing things that would make Spike blush. Instead, once again, the two of them are lacking in the togetherness part of the whole Buffy/Riley equation."
"Oh God, I don't know, maybe there was a time delay or I forgot an ingredient, I don't know." Willow was frantic. They had worked for two days on this spell, not wanting to mess up and once again her spell had failed.
The doorknob behind her rattled slightly, followed by a small knock. "Um...hello...is someone out there." came Buffy's muffled plea.
Riley was throwing clothes into his suitcase when the knock resonated on the door. Shoving his last pair of Levi's into the duffle bag, Riley turned to answer the door. Finding Graham on the other side, Riley plastered a smile on his face. "Hey, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you and Willow be locked away in a room by now?"
Noticing the empty drawers sticking out of the dresser and the overflowing duffle bag perched on the bed, Graham decided to forgo the regular salutations and get right down to it. "What are you doing? Are you leaving?"
"Yeah, I called the airlines. I caught a red-eye from LAX. It leaves in five hours." Walking past the bed, Riley made his way to the bath, grabbing his razor and toothbrush.
"This is crazy man. You love her!"
Losing all pretense of cheerfulness, Riley turned on Graham. "Yeah, I love her. I love her so much it's killing me not to touch her. I ache deep inside with need for her. But none of that matters." Riley stuffed his shaving kit into the duffle bag before zipping the larger bag up. Resting his hands on the bag, staring hard at it, Riley continued "And do you know why it doesn't matter? She doesn't love me. She doesn't want *me*." Leaving the room pass on the dresser, Riley did a visual sweep of the room before grabbing his bag and pushing past Graham.
Graham was persistent, not believing that it was over. "The Riley Finn I know wouldn't just let her go." Graham followed Riley down the hotel stairs, staying only feet away from his friend as they saddled up to the car. "The Riley Finn I know wouldn't quit." Hands on the door, Riley sighed softly before looking his best friend in the eye. "The Riley Finn you know died three years ago, suffocated on his own foot. Didn't ya hear?" Riley opened the door to the rental car, throwing his bag in before climbing in himself.
Graham grabbed the door before he could shut it. "Don't do this, Rye. You'll regret it the rest of your life." The look in Riley's eye told Graham to back off. Releasing his grip on the door, Graham stood in disbelief as his friend slammed it shut. Graham watched as Riley backed out of the space and drove out of Sunnydale Four Season's and Buffy's life forever.
Willow had just hung up the phone with Graham when Buffy re-entered the room. The Summers house was quite, Joyce and Dawn were still at the reception, leaving Willow with the perfect opportunity to talk with Buffy.
"It feels so good to get out of that dress. It's beautiful, but way too difficult to maneuver in." Buffy said as she jumped on the bed. "Who was on the phone?"
"Graham." Willow said, her face tinged with sadness.
"What happened? Is something wrong?" Buffy said, concerned about her friend's husband. Willow had said he had an errand to run and Buffy just supposed it had something to do with the honeymoon. Willow had wanted some girl time so they had opted to come here.
"Yeah, something is wrong. Something is terribly wrong."
"Oh my God, was he in an accident, is he okay?" Buffy said, crossing over to the red head, offering her support and comfort.
"Riley is going back to Huxley." Willow said plainly, hoping for some reaction from Buffy.
"What?" Buffy said, her eyes wide with surprise.
"He's leaving tonight. Graham says his flights leaving in 4½ hours from LAX." Willow led Buffy back over to the bed. Facing her, she took both of her hands into her own. "Buffy, now is the time for action. If Riley gets on that plane, there is no turning back. Things that should have been said long before today are going to be left unsaid. Can you live with that? Can you live with the regret of not saying those three little words to him? Buffy, you owe it to yourself, if not to Riley, to let him know how you feel. We are at the 'now or never' point, so what's it going to be?"
The terminal was fairly crowded for such a late departure time. Riley had found a seat near the gate, next to an elderly woman, Mrs. Couch, who felt obligated to tell him about her gall bladder surgery the previous week. He wasn't really paying attention, just nodding occasionally, inserting an `mmm' in the right places, his eyes always scanning the crowd. He noticed a young couple kissing nearby, the boy had a ticket clutched tightly in his hand, the girl was crying, not wanting to let him go. Riley tried to look away, if not to give them privacy, then for his own sake. He remembered a time when he was so in love that the mere thought of being without her felt as if it would be the death of him. Now here he was, ticket in hand and the only one really caring was an elderly lady.
Riley watched as the first class passengers began to board the plane, listening as Mrs. Couch commented on some of the younger passengers choice of dress. As his seat number was called, he stood up, helping the struggling old woman to her feet, and with her carry on. Taking one last look around, he prepared to follow Mrs. Couch to the gate when he noticed her.
Even with the baggy overalls, hair swept up in a ponytail, no makeup whatsoever, she was still a vision to behold. Not even ten feet away, he could see that she was on the verge of tears, her lower lip trembling, her hands shaking with nervousness. Riley took a step closer to her, unsure of whether he was imagining her presence or not. "Buffy?"
Buffy broke down in a sob as she stepped forward, closing the distance between them a little more. "Riley....I..." Buffy choked a little on a fresh set of tears, unable to keep her body from trembling. "I had this all planned out...what I would say to you. How I would say it. And now I find that all those words have left me." Buffy wiped the back of her hand across her check, as she sniffed, trying so hard to keep from throwing herself at his feet, wanting to be eloquent.
"Riley, I...you see this picture." Buffy held up a picture of him that had been taken four years ago at a carnival he had taken her to. She had said it was one of her favorites. But now the edges were all bent and the picture looked faded. "I sleep with this every night, under my pillow. I've convinced myself that as long as it is there then you're still with me. I tell all my hopes and dreams to it." Buffy glanced down at the picture, her thumb rubbing lightly over it, stepping forward a little more. "Even though you weren't here, I could feel you, like you never left. But do you know what? Nothing compares to the real you. Riley....I love you. I need you here with me. I want you in my life, not just in my dreams. I want you to be the one I come home to every night, not some old piece of paper. I want to share my dreams, my body, my world with you. God, I love you so much. Please Riley, please don't go." Buffy let the tears flow freely, her eyes pleading with him to stay.
Riley felt his eyes moisten and chest tighten with emotion as he looked into her eyes. Closing the gap between them with one step, Riley whispered softly "Close your eyes." Buffy gazed up into his big hazel eyes, hope clearly reflected in her own, before closing them. Leaning down so that his forehead touched hers, he cupped her cheeks with his hands. "Do you feel that?" He whispered.
Buffy leaned into the warmth of his hand, nuzzling her cheek against him. "What?" she said softly.
"My skin is humming." Riley dipped his head down, gently brushing his lips across hers. Buffy responded, slowly tilting her head, her fingers snaking into his hair, pulling him closer. Her lips met his again, pulling his bottom lip into her mouth, gently sucking on him. Riley parted his lips, allowing her access into his warm mouth, their tongues mating in a fevered dance. Riley's arms circled her waist, pulling her closer to him, enjoying the feel of her.
The last call for the flight sounded, luring them out of the embrace. Riley looked to the gate and found the stewardess looking expectantly at him. "Sir, are you coming?" Grinning at the woman, he slid his arm around Buffy's waist "Nah, I'm right where I want to be." Kissing her again, Riley grabbed Buffy's hand, her fingers entwining with his as he led her away from the terminal, towards a future they would share together, with no regrets.
The End