destructo-girl.com

"What Was Old Is New Again"

Author: Pamela
Contact: destructo-girl@cox.net
Notes: You may need a tissue for this. Of course, I tend to cry easily, so who am I to say?

2007

Rupert Giles yawned as he entered the apartment he shared with his wife and son in one of the higher-class buildings in Los Angeles. Luckily, his job as a buyer for several high-priced stores provided a nice income.

He entered the kitchen and couldn't help but smile. He found his two year old son playing with little toy cars on the floor as his wife stood in front of the stove, stirring the contents of the frying pan as best she could with her protruding belly, swollen with their second child.

"Hi Honey." Buffy smiled brightly, although he could tell she was tired after her long day at work and afternoon spent chasing Austin around while seven months pregnant.

"Hello." He replied, kissing her softly on the lips before bending and kissing her belly. "Hello in there."

"Pretty good. One of the kids had a real breakthrough today. I *knew* he'd be able to do it, and now all the naysayers have to agree with me!"

Giles smiled, she was always so proud of "her kids" that she encountered at her job as a therapist that worked with abused children as a shelter. Her ultimate faith in the good in people proved repeatedly to help her be an excellent source of support for the children.

"Austin made a beautiful picture today. Show Daddy your painting Austin." Buffy said as she turned the stove off.

Giles set his son down so the boy could lead him into the living room where a paper lay on the coffee table. Austin proudly picked it up and showed him his finger painting job.

The boy nodded, his blue eyes sparkling excitedly. Together, they walked back into the kitchen and Austin watched anxiously as his father placed a magnet over the picture, securing its place on the refrigerator.

"Are we ready to eat?" Buffy asked, coming back in from the dining room, where she'd set the food.

Dinner went by uneventfully, Buffy listening enraptured to Giles speaking of some African masks he'd gotten for an upscale art gallery. After the meal was over, Rupert ordered his wife to relax on the couch while he did the dishes. Once the kitchen was all cleaned, he sat down and rubbed her feet, enjoying the role of doting husband.

As Buffy lay half-asleep on the couch, Giles studied his son. He was a quiet child, not speaking much at home, and it was almost painful for him to talk to a stranger. He was very intelligent, he could tell. A lot more independent than most two-year-olds, Austin would often play on his own.

Glancing at his watch, he saw it was nearly eight o'clock. Buffy was still dozing, so Giles quietly picked Austin up and set to bathing the boy and putting him to bed. When he came back out into the living room, Buffy was awake, with the television on.

He sat beside her and wrapped his arms around her as she lay her head on his shoulder. "Of course… he's my son too. Plus, you are wearing yourself thin, Darling. You're in your last trimester, you need to take it easy."

"I *do* take it easy. I am going in to work at ten and off at two… half days."

"Yes, but you are a full time mother to Austin. For most women taking care of a toddler while pregnant is too much… you shouldn't be doing all this."

"Why don't you take your maternity leave now? They'll let you, what is it, one more week before you enter your eight month?"

"I know they will, but I only get six weeks so if I take it now and the baby is exactly on time, I'm supposed to go back a week after I give birth?"

"Buffy, you know Diana will let you take as long as you like, she can only give you six weeks of paid maternity leave but it's not like money is an issue."

Buffy sighed. "I know… I'll think about it, okay? But I can't just abandon my kids. Especially now that I finally have Anton talking! Maybe I could just cut down on the days I go? Like, just three days instead of five?"

Buffy laughed as she remembered their lives as Watcher and Slayer. She'd still been the unofficial slayer after she'd quit the council for several years, but when she turned twenty-one, she'd found out that another slayer would be called and she could retire. Giles had never told her, because then he might have to tell her that only two other slayers in the history of slayers had completed such a feat.

When Buffy stopped slaying, she and Giles went through some awkwardness. They'd been thrown together because of their fated duties… but found that they didn't want to let each other go. All their friends watched on with amusement as they spent a year as "friends." Finally, in Buffy's senior year, they admitted their feelings ran deeper and they began to see each other romantically. About a year after she graduated, they married.

Her mother hadn't approved of her marrying a man that was old enough to be her father- and Buffy wondered if she even might be a little jealous- but Buffy refused to let that keep her from happiness. Joyce still talked to her daughter, but the conversations were usually very careful. Austin had only see his grandmother once, and Buffy did resent her for that. Hell, even Xander could accept she and Giles getting married, even though he did make quite a few very vocal objections when they had done it. He was over it now.

Hank had died during Buffy's sophomore year at UC Sunnydale, so he was never an objector to their relationship. In her heart, though, Buffy knew that Hank very possibly could have gotten past the age difference and seen Giles as a wonderful husband for his daughter.

A year after their wedding, Austin came. Buffy was surprised to find that she loved being a mother. The three of them had been the perfect little family, and now, just over two years later, she was expecting another child and they had never been happier.

The next day, Giles completed his Saturday morning ritual without incident. He walked down the street and bought a newspaper, then settled down in the outdoor seating area of one of LA's many coffee shops, with an old fashion cup of coffee. He began reading the paper, enjoying the warmth of the early morning sun on the first day of June. He would spend a couple of hours there before heading home. He'd find Austin and Buffy at the dining room table, eating their breakfasts. The television would very likely be blaring with Saturday morning cartoons playing on the screen.

And today was no different. He walked in and heard Tweetie Bird taunting Sylvester, then walked around the corner and found his son in his booster seat, his banana slices sitting untouched in front of him as he stared at the TV, fascinated.

"Austin, eat your breakfast Sweetie." Buffy ordered before looking back at her husband. "Hungry?"

"No, but I still have to ask." Buffy smiled. "You didn't make any plans for the day, right?"

"No, because I remember that you and Cordelia are going shopping and I am spending the day with Austin."

Buffy nodded, pleased. "And Caylee will be here at five-thirty so you and I can do dinner and a movie."

Buffy looked at him incredulously. "Most beautiful? More like hugest woman in the world." Glancing at the clock, she shoved the rest of the food in her mouth, then began attempting to get up. "I better hurry… Cordy is going to be here in an hour."

"You must *really* like surprises." Cordelia commented as she and Buffy browsed through the baby store. "If I was pregnant I'd be dying to know if it was a boy or girl."

"People used to never know before the gave birth until, what? Twenty years ago? I can do it if they did it."

"Yeah, but just think, instead of buying boring old little bodysuits in neutral colors, you could buy cute little suits or dresses."

Buffy shrugged. "I got Austin lots of cute little boy clothes after he was born and it was fine."

"Yeah, but I was the one who went shopping with you and you were dead on your feet. This time you'll have an infant and a two-year-old." Cordelia pointed out.

"That's true. Maybe I'll just send you to pick stuff out. I trust your taste." Buffy grinned.

"Oh come on Cordy, you and Jack have been seeing each other for a while.... you don't see yourself as a mommy anytime soon?" Buffy teased.

"See!" Cordelia argued. "You know, you should at least let me find out what you're having so I'll know. I won't even tell you."

"Oh, and when I see you buying a bunch of girl's or boy's clothes I won't get the idea."

"So, after your little shopping excursion are we impoverished?" Giles teased as he and his wife read their menus in the crowded trendy restaurant.

"I was very good." Buffy told her husband as she tried to choose between the quesadilla stuffed with artichokes and the T-bone steak.

"Why Mr. Giles are you making a proposition to me, a girl twenty-six years your junior?"

"I believe I am… I'm a bad bad man." Giles replied as Buffy rubbed her ankle against the side of his calf.

Buffy pulled her leg back. "We better stop. This how I got pregnant again less than two years after I had Austin."

"Yeah, but right now you're already pregnant… so nothing new is going to happen." Giles purred.

He saw something out of the corner of his eye and turned his head sharply towards the entrance to the restaurant. Buffy noticed and followed his gaze.

Not seeing anything unusual, she turned back to him and asked in a concerned voice "Honey, what is it?"

Giles could have sworn he'd seen Him. It happened every once in a while. Just walking in a crowd, he'd scan over his His face... But when he looked back, he was always gone. Maybe it was his imagination. It only happened when Buffy was with him and she never noticed.

Buffy yawned as she toddled through the apartment. Luckily, their babysitter lived in the same building so she walked herself home. Giles went to get ready for bed as Buffy looked in on Austin. Seeing her son sleeping peacefully, she'd headed straight for the bedroom, fatigued.

Too bad Giles had other, non-sleeping plans. Entering the room, she saw he'd lit candles all over and was laying in his silk pajamas on his side, smiling enticingly at her.

"Oh you *must* be kidding. I'm as big as a house. You didn't touch me after my sixth month last time."

"That's because I was worried I might hurt you or the baby… but I know more now… want a backrub?"

Buffy closed her eyes. A backrub really did sound nice, and sure to put her to sleep. When he saw her sleeping peacefully, Giles would feel too guilty to wake her. Sighing resignedly, she unzipped the back of her dress and let it fall to her ankles. As she kicked off her shoes and maneuvered out of her underwear, Giles picked up a bottle of body oil. As Buffy lay on her side in front of him, he rubbed the oil between his hands to warm it before massaging it into her back.

Buffy moaned as his skillful hands worked their magic. He was soon lulling her to sleep, but as she closed her eyes and started to doze, he moved his mouth to the side of her neck- a spot he knew very well would instantly make her body burn with desire. His tongue darted out and lavished the spot on her neck as she moaned. She turned her head and captured his mouth with her own. Giles moved his hand between her legs and slipped a finger inside her moist center. She clenched around him and he knew she was ready.

He lifted her outer leg and lay it on his hip. She didn't know how or when, but he'd removed his pajamas. He teased her slit with the head of his hardness.

He slowly sank into her, filling her tight passage with his rock hard erection. When he was fully sheathed inside her, he gasped at the feeling of her muscles tightening around him. Kissing the side of her neck, he whispered in a concerned voice. "Am I hurting you?"

He began to slide in and out of her, pulling almost completely outside of her, letting the head of his erection linger just inside her before she would beg and he'd comply and thrust back inside her. He had an irrational fear of hurting the baby if he was too forceful, so his thrusts weren't as deep as they had been in earlier months.

Buffy tried to maneuver herself down, to force him deeper, but in her current condition and position, it was impossible. She whimpered in frustration, desperate for release.

Feeling himself near orgasm, Giles moved his hand back down to her center, gently but firmly stroking her sensitive nubbin. Buffy bit her lower lip, feeling a tightening in her groin. She bent her arm behind her reaching for her husband. Giles allowed her to pull him down to her turned face so she could kiss him passionately as she came. Her husband soon climaxed as well, spilling himself inside her as her muscles began to relax.

After they had both calmed, Buffy began arranging her pillows then got in her position on her side, facing her husband. Once she was settled, Giles pulled the covers over them both and kissed her firmly.

Giles slowly opened his eyes, the sunlight that spilled inside the room blinding him. As he focused, he saw his wife smiling down at him. He couldn't help but return the expression.

"Morning Love." He replied, taking in his surroundings. She was wearing her robe, but still wrapped in the bed covers. When he glanced at the clock and saw it was nearly ten, he couldn't believe it. "It's so late."

"Oh very funny, Darling… and what about you? You're young and you slept for the past ten hours as well."

"Hey, I am pregnant! You lug around an extra 25 pounds on your belly all day and then we can talk. Besides, I got up about an hour ago. Luckily Austin made a lot of noise trying to open the door so I woke up and put my robe on before I had to explain why Mommy wasn't wearing her pajamas."

Buffy nodded. "That's right… he even sat in bed with me for a few minutes before I made him breakfast… you slept like the dead."

"Playing in the living room." Buffy replied absently before seeing the dangerous look in his eyes. "Again? You have to be out of your mind. Are you trying to kill me?"

"Giles, I am pregnant, due in five weeks, and also the mother of a two-year-old. I can't behave like a nymphomaniac." She admonished, trying clumsily to get out of bed.

Giles sighed and quickly got up, then walked to the other side of the bed to help his wife. "Why don't you go eat your breakfast while I shower?"

Buffy nodded and planted a kiss on his cheek before toddling out of the room. Giles ran a hand through his hair and headed to the bathroom connected to the master bedroom.

Their day went by uneventfully. They often liked to spend Sunday's quietly, just being a family. Buffy and Giles went through potential baby names, playfully arguing about names one another found silly.

It was nearly nine when Giles received a telephone call. After putting Austin to bed together, the couple was cuddling on the couch until interrupted by one of Giles' friends that he hadn't seen in a while. The man was in the middle of a business trip and had only planned to switch planes quickly, but the flight had been delayed due to fog so he had a few hours.

Giles was going to say no, but Buffy insisted he go see his friend. Smiling happily, Giles agreed to meet at a bar near the airport in half an hour. He kissed his wife goodbye; told her he loved her, and faintly heard her reply with the same as he hurried down the hall to the elevator. He looked forward to spending time reminiscing with his old friend.

After her husband left, Buffy returned to the couch and watched the rest of the television show they'd been viewing together. She planned on waiting up for her husband. Figuring he would be home by eleven, she sat on the couch flipping through the channels at ten so she could wait for him.

Sometime soon after she drifted off and was awakened at midnight to the sound of the telephone ringing. Worriedly, she picked up the telephone.

"Hi, I'm calling from Cedar's Sinai Hospital. Mrs. Giles, your husband has been brought in… he's been in an accident."

"Oh God…" Buffy gasped. Pulling herself together, she managed to thank the person before hanging up the telephone. She had to get to the hospital. But what would she do with Austin? Cordelia! Cordelia could help her.

She quickly called her friend and told her what was going on. The brunette made it to the apartment in record time. Buffy had enough presence of mind to call Caylee, who came right over so she could stay with Austin as the two women rushed to the hospital.

Buffy made no complaints, for once, when Cordelia drove like a maniac. All she could think about was Giles. Hopefully he wasn't hurt. Hopefully he just had scratches and bruises. She remembered seeing on the news earlier that week that a cement truck had fallen onto a car, crushing it, but somehow the occupants had been fine. Giles had to be okay!

When they got into the ER, Buffy just looked around nervously, praying she'd see her husband, but to no avail. Meanwhile, Cordelia told the attendant at the desk who Buffy was and who she was looking for. They were directed to sit in the waiting room until they could find where her husband was.

About ten minutes after they got there, a middle aged man in hospital scrubs walked up to them.

"That's me." Buffy replied anxiously, getting Cordelia's help in getting up. The man led them out into the hallway outside the waiting room.

The doctor took a deep breath. "Your husband was involved in a very bad car accident. He sustained quite a few injuries… We… we did everything we could to revive him… but we couldn't… I'm sorry."

Buffy shook her head and backed away. "No. Nononono... You made a mistake. Giles… he's not dead… he wouldn't do this to me! He knows I can't do this alone! He wouldn't leave me!" Buffy began to cry hysterically.

Cordelia put her own grief for her old friend on hold so she could comfort the best friend she'd ever had. She tightly enveloped Buffy in a fierce embrace. The doctor whispered another apology before leaving the two women in the hallway.

"Where's Cordelia?" Angel asked when a different secretary answered the telephone at Cordelia's desk that was located outside of his office in the large building that housed his ever-expanding detective agency. Business was so good, that he only came in himself to work one or two nights a week.

"She called in… some friend of hers died… she was really upset." The woman, Angel was sure her name was Roxanne, informed him.

"Nope… but you two are such close friends… you couldn't guess?" She asked. Angel knew this girl was a gossip, but he was still amazed how blatantly she was pumping him for information.

"I'll just try to call her myself." Angel replied before hanging up the telephone. He immediately picked the receiver back up, nervously dialing Cordelia's home number. She and Buffy had grown close in recent years… Buffy was Cordelia's only close friend, in fact. So, if Cordelia was upset by a friend's death, Angel probably would be as well. He just prayed it wouldn't be grief over the blonde that he still loved as much as he had that afternoon he'd seen her leaving school when she was only fifteen.

He sighed when he got Cordelia's answering machine. He left a message for her to call him, hung up.... and began to pace. When there was a knock at the door an hour later, he was surprised. Who would be visiting him in the middle of the day?

He opened the door and was surprised to find a bike messenger with a big manila envelope for him. He went into the living room and sat down with the envelope, eyeing it curiously. Finally, he opened it. He found a letter from a lawyer, explaining to him that he was told by Rupert Giles to send him the letter that was in a smaller envelope in the instance of his death.

He immediately thought of Buffy. She was pregnant again. Now her husband was dead? His heart broke for her. As much as it hurt him, Buffy loved Giles. She deserved all the happiness she could get, not something like this!

He opened the other letter, interested in what Giles felt was necessary for him to know.

Buffy, and our two children (Buffy has just found out she is pregnant again as I write this, so I assume she isn't having twins and that it's safe to say we have two children) will be in need of help. Buffy is strong, probably the strongest person I have ever met but even she needs help. You know that, I know that... Even Buffy does, but she won't admit it.

Be there for her? Support her, love her, bring her happiness? I know you can do it. If I could, you can. If you don't want to do it for me, do it for her. I know that you will always love her. As a man who has felt the same way about the same woman, I know you would rather die than see her unhappy... So I beg of you, do not let her be that way. Bring light to her life.

Angel reread the letter three times. Buffy needed him? Giles wanted him to be with Buffy? Angel had long since given up ever being near Buffy again. Three years… three long years of watching from a distance.

He remembered like it was the day before. Giles had come to him with a spell to make him human again. Angel had instantly agreed to let him perform it.

Angel knew that she and Giles had new feelings for each other, but Giles insisted that Angel was still her true love... and he was the one she needed. He told him that he'd rather see Buffy completely happy with Angel, than just fairly happy with himself.

So Angel decided to do as he said. To forgive himself of his past just a bit and seek Buffy out so that she and he could live a happy life. So he prepared to see her in his newly human state. Per his request, Giles hadn't told Buffy anything about the spell.

Angel decided to walk up to her in the afternoon sun. After missing it for over two centuries, he loved the feel of the orange glow warming him. She was in front of her office building. She'd just started a job as a therapist, and she was trying to be permanently assigned to a shelter, where she could help children. Her choice in careers didn't surprise Angel in the least.

He was a mere fifty feet away when he saw her look to her side and smile broadly. He looked in the direction and saw what had made her so happy. Giles had approached her.

Angel watched, with his heart breaking, as Buffy hugged her former watcher, kissing him lovingly. He realized he couldn't do this to her. It would only hurt everyone involved. Giles would lose Buffy, Buffy would feel too guilty to be with either man and Angel would feel bad for hurting Giles and making Buffy feel guilty.

Besides, she really did love Giles. Angel had seen the look on her face before. She used to look at him that way. He couldn't take the chance that she wouldn't feel that way about him again.

So he turned and walked away. Giles had talked to him a few days later, the stress of not knowing if or when Buffy would be breaking up with him overruling his desire to butt out of the former vampire's life. Angel had told him he'd decided to let Buffy go on living her life as she was, and asked Giles not to tell her about the spell.

Over the time he'd checked on Buffy… every few weeks or so. The summer after he'd been made human, she and Giles wed. It was a small ceremony. Only their closest friends had gathered for the event. Even Joyce wasn't present. Angel was sure she and Buffy didn't get along. In the time since Buffy had married Giles, he'd seen them together once. Buffy had brought Austin with her right after his first birthday to a restaurant. They ate lunch with Joyce and Angel could tell it had been tense.

Most the details he knew about Buffy's life, he knew from his own observations of her. He and Cordelia never spoke of the blonde who possessed his heart for the rest of his life. It was an unwritten rule that they didn't "go there." He hadn't even let her know he was human, still only going into work after dark.

One night, right after that past Christmas, he had overheard Cordelia on the telephone. When she'd laughed and said "Buffy" she'd caught his attention. Already feeling ashamed, he listened to everything she said carefully. That's how he found out Buffy's son was named Austin, and that Buffy was pregnant again.

His heart had ached. Oh how he wished he had the chance to be the father of her child. How he wished he was the one she had come home to, excitedly telling him that she was expecting a baby. Now he had his chance.

So why did the greatest tragedy of Buffy's life have to lead to the greatest opportunity of Angel's?

"She seems like she's doing all right." Willow whispered to Cordelia as they made lunch in Buffy's kitchen.

Cordelia peeked out the door into the living room where Buffy sat on the floor playing with Austin.

"She's barely keeping it together." Cordelia replied. "If she didn't have Austin, she'd probably be a disaster."

"Poor Buffy… I can't believe this happened... And when she's pregnant of all times!" Willow sighed. Cordelia had called her at seven that morning. Willow had called in to the school where she taught, letting them know she'd be gone for a week. She then packed up a few things and took the first flight into LA from San Francisco.

"We just need to be here for her, whenever she needs us. Maybe we could take turns with Austin so that she could have some time to herself." Cordelia told her.

"Yeah… maybe you could take him first… since he doesn't know me all that well." Willow replied.

Cordelia nodded. "Sure, after we eat, I'll do that. Then you and Buffy can talk."

"Yeah… Giles actually had made most of the arrangements already... You know how he was one of those people that planned. Now I see the importance of doing something so morbid. At least Buffy doesn't have to pick out a coffin and all that stuff right now."

Cordelia shrugged. "I don't know… I called and left a message for her… but I honestly don't know if it would be a good or bad thing for her to come. You know, since she never approved of Buffy's marriage to Giles."

"I don't know if I should call him and tell him. We generally avoid any topics involving Buffy. I suppose I should let him know and let him decide for himself whether or not he wants to be there for her. The funeral will be in the late afternoon, but we will be having a few people here after the ceremony and it'll be dark then, so he can come if he chooses."

Willow nodded in agreement. Placing the sandwiches and a bag of chips on the tray, she walked out into the living room with Cordelia carrying drinks behind her.

Austin stood up from where he'd been playing with his toy cars and stood half behind his mother. He was very shy around Willow, a virtual stranger to him.

Austin obediently sat next to Buffy, letting her tuck a napkin into the collar of his shirt. Buffy picked up a half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, breaking it into another half and handing one piece to Austin before taking a small bite of the other piece.

"You're not just eating that, are you Buffy?" Cordelia asked as she filled Austin's cup with milk and handed it to him.

"Buffy, what about the baby? You have to keep it healthy, you aren't only hurting yourself but the baby as well." Willow pleaded.

Buffy closed her eyes, willing the tears that welled there not to spill. Not in front of Austin. "Please don't."

Willow didn't push any further. Perhaps it was too soon. If Buffy were to not eat much for a day or so, it would be all right, they would just make sure that she went back to eating healthy before she did hurt herself or the baby.

They ate their lunch in virtual silence, Cordelia and Willow's attempts at conversation failing miserably with Buffy. Cordelia and Willow refused to let Buffy help them clean up, and since they wouldn't help her up off the floor, she couldn't. After it was all cleaned up, Cordelia announced that she and Austin were going to the park. A huge grin spread on the toddler's face, he loved the swings.

The two of them headed off to the park down the street as Willow sat with Buffy on the living room floor. The two women sat for several moments in silence, gathering their thoughts.

"Buffy… I am so so sorry that this has happened to you… and I want you to know that you can come to me or Cordelia anytime at all, to talk, to cry, whatever. We'll be here for you."

Buffy nodded and let a few tears slip from her eyes. Willow leaned over and hugged her tightly, slightly rocking her friend as she released all her anguish.

"Oh, Buffy… I know you feel like that right now, but you can't. Because you can do it without him and you will. Do it for Austin, and the baby. Without Giles, they'll need you even more. You can't let them down. This is why you need to take care of yourself. You have to be healthy so you can still be the best mom ever."

Buffy nodded meekly then began wiping the tears from her face. "Austin was the only reason I got out of bed this morning. Otherwise, I'd have lain there all day, smelling Giles' pillow. It still smells just like him Willow… I mean, this very time yesterday I was with him... Now I'll never see him again! It's just unreal to me right now."

"I know, Sweetie… you just need time to process everything. We'll be here for you."

Buffy's shoulders sagged, doubting Joyce would even return the call. Willow decided she might as well give her friend fair warning so she wouldn't receive a total shock at the funeral.

Willow nodded. "Then I'll make sure she does. He wouldn't be able to come to the funeral because of the sun, but after... he could come here."

Buffy sat on the couch awkwardly, with Austin sitting right beside her nervously. All these strange people in his home didn't bode well with him.

It was a quiet get-together, with a few of Giles' business friends, as well as several others that Buffy and Giles had been acquainted with in their life as a couple. Xander made it, as promised. Of course, Willow and Cordelia were there, coddling Buffy, and trying to make life as easy as possible for her.

But Buffy felt like strangling the next person who looked at her with pity. She hated being perceived as the poor young mother with a dead husband, a toddler and a baby on the way. She hated being pitiable.

Austin scooted off the couch and scurried into a corner of the room where he picked up one of his toy cars. Buffy smiled as he sat at her feet and began to play. He must have finally relaxed since he was being left alone. After the funeral when everyone had first arrived, they had all fussed over him, which upset him so much he cried.

Buffy wondered if he even understood what was going on. She had explained that Daddy had gone up to Heaven and he wasn't going to come home... But she wasn't sure it really clicked. She dreaded the day he wanted Daddy.

She and Angel locked eyes. They had an almost electric connection. Eight years had done nothing to lessen the feelings they had for each other. Eight years.... and even then, when they saw each other everyone else disappeared.

Cordelia took Austin in the kitchen for a treat so that his mother could talk. Angel tentatively sat next to his former lover, before softly speaking.

"Buffy… it's so good to see you after all this time… and so horrible that it had to be over something like this. I'm so sorry about Giles... I just can't believe it."

Buffy nodded. "I still don't think it's completely sunk in yet. I'm *never* going to see him again… I just can't believe it."

"You know I live in LA… and I don't know if Cordelia told you but the business is doing very well… I don't even go into the office all that much. If you need me for anything, anything at all. I want you to call me. Please?"

Buffy nodded. "I will… I mean, you and Giles were the only two people I connected with on this certain level… because of the slayer thing… and now.. without him… I really could use you to talk to."

"You've got it." Angel replied, gracing her with a small smile. "I should have come and told you that long ago."

"Yes… I hope you're not mad, but I did check up on you from time to time... Had to make sure he took good care of you." He smiled.

"Nah… it's nice to have people looking out for me. Especially when it's from a distance and they aren't breathing down my neck."

Angel nodded his head in the direction of the kitchen. "Your son… he reminds me of Giles."

Buffy smiled. "Yeah, he's a mini-Giles... Except Giles was kind of a bad boy when he was young and Austin is just… shy and mild mannered and perfectly behaved. He didn't get it from me so I don't know how we lucked out!" She answered proudly, before rubbing her belly and adding, "This one is probably going to be a wild child to even it out."

"I suppose I deserve it... When I had my worst tantrums when I was little, my mother used to say she hoped my child would be just like me. Funny thing was… I thought that would be great. Now I know better." She smiled fondly.

Buffy shook her head, and Angel instantly regretted asking. "She.. um… she gets busy with her gallery stuff… she couldn't make it."

"You look a little... Different… kind of older." Buffy observed. "Of course, that's ridiculous…maybe you just seem older because I am older… do I look a lot different?"

"Not a lot… a little of course… but you still have a baby face… you still have an innocence about you... Which is absurd, really. And you're as beautiful as ever."

"Buffy your body is blossoming as it nurtures a life… that's one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen."

"Mommy, here you go." Austin said, running up to them with two cookies in his hands. He handed them both to Buffy before whispering to her. "He gets the other."

Buffy nodded. "Thank you, Austin." She took a small bite of hers and handed the other to Angel.

"Thank you." Angel told the toddler as he peered out from behind his mother. The small child gave him a small smile in return.

"Honey, you know you can't, the baby is too big." Buffy replied, feeling guilty that she couldn't even let her own child sit in her now non-existent lap.

Austin frowned and lifted his arms, trying to get her to pick him up. Buffy sighed and lifted him. He sat next to her on the couch, laying his head against her stomach.

Buffy looked at Angel and explained. "I'm having a hard time lifting him. Thank God for Cordelia... I don't know what I will do for the next month before the baby comes. She offered, but I can't let her come take care of us at night after working all day."

"Oh, no Angel, I can't do that! First, I doubt she has that much vacation time, and second I couldn't let her use her vacation to take care of me."

"Buffy, I am her boss. She doesn't need to use her vacation… she'll just be my… assistant to the person I care more about than anyone else for a while as opposed to my secretary. She'll have to work for a change, since I am pretty sure that she can't have much to do without me there."

"Excuse me? Boy am I underappreciated. I do plenty. That phone is ringing off the hook all day with annoying people who think they are so special and *you* are the only one they can talk to." Cordelia interrupted, jokingly, as she and Xander walked up to them.

"She doesn't, she just talks their ear off until they jump out a window to end the insanity." Xander quipped.

"Why isn't it?" Cordelia asked as she tried on a pair of Buffy's earrings and admired them in the vanity in Buffy's room.

"Because, me… Angel… nice restaurant... That's date-like. And women who are due in two weeks with their recently deceased husband's child do not go on dates."

Cordelia rolled her eyes and lied. "It's not a date! You and I go out for dinner alone all the time and that most certainly isn't a date."

"That's different. I never had sex with you. And you're a girl! It's different!"

"Buffy, Angel is very clear on the fact that you and he aren't romantically involved. He has no problem with eating dinner with you, someone he cares about and likes to spend time with. You know, I care about you and like to spend time with you... So what's the diff?"

"Buffy, she is a teenager, it's a Friday night... She's not going to be sitting home and available to babysit at the last minute. You'll be fine. Even if you don't trust that Angel doesn't see this as a just friends thing… you know he would never try something if you didn't want him to."

Cordelia sat down on the edge of the bed behind Buffy and looked at her friend in the mirror. "You aren't really worried about Angel thinking it's a date, are you? You're more worried about what you are feeling about him."

Buffy broke away from her friend's gaze. "Cordelia my husband has been gone for nineteen days… not an hour goes by that I don't want to sob and beg God to give him back to me… but I still have these feelings for Angel... Feelings I never should have when I pledged my love to another man. A man I married and created two children with. I wish I didn't feel this, more than anything... But I can't seem to stop."

"It's all right, Buffy." Cordelia assured in a soft voice. "You don't have to act on it right now. You have a long time… and Giles wouldn't want you to be alone forever."

"Yeah… but things are different than when I was eighteen and all I wanted was Angel. I have my kids to think about. Even ignoring the whole issue of him losing his soul… he can't even go out in the daytime. He doesn't age… if it were just me, it would be one thing, but we're a package."

"Well, go out to dinner with him. I've dated a lot more guys than you, Buffy, and let me tell you; nothing makes you not like them more than spending time with them. He'll have some annoying habit, I'm sure."

"But I wouldn't have stopped loving him for it! Besides, Angel can't snore, he doesn't breath."

"Are you sure you don't need anything else to eat?" Angel asked as he and Buffy walked away from their table.

"I'm very sure. The appetizer, entrée and dessert were enough. I'm actually too full." Buffy replied.

"Okay, I just know that when you're pregnant you need more food… eating for two and all."

"Well, if it helps, I ate about twice as much of the appetizer, entrée, and dessert than I would have before I got pregnant."

Angel smiled at her quip as he held the door open for her. Buffy gave him a gracious smile as she walked out the door.

"Would you like to take a walk?" Buffy asked, the cool summer air caressing her skin like silk.

"Oh yeah… I like to walk when I'm pregnant… don't know why, but it relaxes me."

"Okay." Angel replied as they began walking down the street, keeping a safe distance apart as they looked in the store windows.

Buffy stopped in front of a dress boutique, admiring a black slip dress. "Sometimes I wonder if I will *ever* wear that kind of stuff again."

*Angel* had a reflection. She looked directly at it, her eyes locking with his. He remained calm for a few seconds before he remembered he wasn't supposed to have one.

Angel remained silent, not knowing what to say. For the past two and a half weeks, it had been nagging at him. He'd kept putting off telling her. If he had known, she'd find out like this he would have sat her down and had a calm conversation with her.

She walked up to him and grabbed his wrist, checking for a pulse. When she found one, she dropped his wrist and backed away, slightly shaking her head.

"Buffy… I didn't want to tell you like this... three years ago… Giles came to me with a spell… he made me human. I was going to tell you then, but you were already so in love with him. I made him promise not to tell you."

"But why didn't you tell me sometime in the past two weeks? You lied to me, Angel. You led me to believe that you were still a vampire."

"Buffy I saw you for the first time since I became human at your husband's funeral... I didn't think you needed the shock… and then there just never seemed to be a good time."

"She doesn't know." Angel replied. "You're the only person who does… Giles was the only other. I rarely go anywhere in the daytime… I lived the same lifestyle for over 200 years... Old habits die hard, so I let everyone continue thinking I was a vampire." He looked at her pleadingly, hating the idea of her being mad at him.

The anger on her face was replaced with surprise as she moved a hand to her belly. "Oh boy."

"I did, she said she'd get your sitter or someone to watch Austin and then head right over." Angel reported as he sat stiffly in a chair beside the bed. Frankly, this scared the shit out of him.

Angel nodded. "She promised she would. Uh… how did this happen? You said you weren't due for two more weeks."

"I wasn't, but obviously the baby doesn't care. I'm a little early, but it's all right." Buffy explained.

"Oh, I'm sorry you didn't get to read my warning label! It says I might pop at any second!" Buffy growled.

Buffy took a deep breath and exhaled. "Sorry… I'm just in a bit of pain right now."

Angel bit his lower lip and nodded. "Are they going to give you those medications?"

"I got every drug they'd give me… but it was so hard, I couldn't even feel my legs."

Cordelia bounded in the door. "Oh good, no baby yet. Would have hated to miss the big event."

"Well, Caylee wasn't home, but her mother said she could watch Austin tonight... He's staying with them."

"He'll be fine… don't worry, Buffy." Cordelia assured her friend as she set a small suitcase before turning to a panicked-looking Angel. "Angel... Ready to be here for the birth of a baby?"

Angel's eyes widened. "Oh I can't… I mean, I don't know what to… Buffy doesn't want me here! Right Buffy?"

The two looked over at Buffy, who was busy breathing deep, cleansing breaths. Concerned, Cordelia walked over to Buffy.

"I have no idea… they were here when we first got here, about an hour ago, but nothing since."

"Jeez… I'm gonna go get a doctor or a nurse or something, stay with her." Cordelia told him, heading for the door.

Angel rushed to her side and stopped her in the doorway. "Why don't *I* go look and you stay with her."

"Come on, Angel." Cordelia replied, putting a hand on his arm. "She needs to be reassured that this is going to be okay. She trusts you. Comfort her. Be strong for her."

Angel nodded and took a deep breath. Cordelia moved down the hall and Angel turned back around to face Buffy, who was not looking well. He grabbed the chair he'd been sitting in and pulled it right next to the bed, then sat down and grabbed one of Buffy's hands.

"Buffy, I've never done this, you'll have to talk me through this… what do I need to do?"

Buffy looked over at him and smiled at how sweet he was. "Well, pretty much you just try and make me comfortable, which is totally impossible because labor is pretty uncomfortable. Oh, and I'll probably scream mean things at you because you are male and will never go through this kind of pain. Just brush it off, I don't mean it."

"Ice chips..." He replied looking around for something, anything that would tell him where he was supposed to find ice chips.

"They forgot about you, can you believe it Buffy? I say sue their asses!" Cordelia announced, bustling into the room with a small bucket in her hand. "Want some ice chips?"

Buffy gave him a supportive smile. "Cordelia's an old pro... She knows the drill, and she'll show you the ropes."

An older woman in a nurse's uniform came in. "I am so sorry, Mrs. Giles, you were admitted right before the shift change and it's a Friday night... We must have lost you in the shuffle."

The nurse began to examine Buffy, and Angel was very grateful that the blanket covered Buffy's nether regions. It was a bit ironic, considering he was the first man to make love to her.

"Oh dear… we better get a doctor in here soon to give you a look… you're six centimeters. Did you want an epidural?" The nurse asked.

"No… I'm probably going to hate myself for it, but I'm going the natural route."

"You'll be fine." The nurse reassured her as she made some notes on Buffy's chart. "With your friend and your husband here to support you, it'll be a breeze."

"We're not married." Buffy and Angel both replied as the nurse rushed out the door, not even, hearing them.

Cordelia eyed the window. "Uh oh, just thought of something. What if this takes a way long time? Angel can't be here when the sun is up."

He took a deep breath and began his speech. "It's not a problem, I'm not a vampire anymore. Three years ago Giles found a spell and made me human again, but I wouldn't let him tell Buffy because she was already so happy with him. I just let everyone believe I was still a vampire."

"Ooohhh… Angel... You shocked Buffy so much she went into labor." Cordelia teased.

Right then, a doctor came in and began examining Buffy. Angel found the whole situation, sitting in a chair beside Buffy as someone examined her intimate areas, a bit unnerving. Even if it was a doctor.

"Whoa, this baby wants out. This is going to be a quick delivery... Over in a few hours." Dr. Andrews smiled, looking at Buffy's charts. "You already have a child?"

"Wow... My wife would envy you... She spent over 20 hours in labor with each of our three."

Buffy pushed as hard as she could. "That is like the 10^th time you have said that to me! Obviously one more push is NOT going to do it!"

Cordelia wiped her friend's forehead with a cool washcloth. "You're doing great, Buffy."

The doctor had been wrong, soon after he'd told them it would be over in a few hours; Buffy's labor had stopped. Since her water had already broke, they had feared infection, so they'd given her drugs to induce labor. It was nearing five in the morning, over seven hours after she and Angel had arrived in the hospital and she had yet to deliver the baby.

"If anybody can do this, you can. Just focus on it and before you know it, your baby will be out here and in your arms." Angel added.

Buffy looked in his eyes and found the strength she needed. She bore down and pushed with all she had.

"Here it comes, keep pushing Buffy, you're doing great." Dr. Andrews encouraged.

Both Angel and Cordelia held her hands tighter as she squeezed, her whole body working in the effort to push the baby out.

"I got it." The doctor announced. A few seconds later they heard the sound of a baby crying.

Buffy released a deep breath she didn't even know she'd been holding. She was filled with relief at hearing her baby's first cries.

Angel watched in awe as they wrapped the tiny child in a blanket and laid her in Buffy's arms. Buffy cried as she held her baby girl for the first time, then looked up at him with such joy in her eyes. His heart swelled as it was filled with his love for her.

Cordelia looked at the two former loves and smiled. Too bad she didn't have a camera.

Angel popped his head into Buffy's hospital room. He felt a stab of disappointment when he saw her sleeping peacefully, but he knew she needed all the rest she could get. Just watching her give birth had exhausted him, so he couldn't imagine what it would be like to have actually done it.

He carefully crept inside, intending on only leaving the vase with flowers that he had bought her, before heading back out of the room.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." He apologized, moving closer to the bed. "That's all right… what time is it."

"Uh.. almost five." Angel told her as he checked his watch. He himself hadn't risen until three. He was always one to sleep during the day, but he was even more exhausted than usual, since he'd been with Buffy at the hospital until almost eight when she had ordered him home.

"Have you eaten anything today?" Angel asked as he pulled a chair up to the bed, keeping his voice low so he wouldn't wake the baby as she slept in a clear plastic crib on the other side of Buffy's bed.

"Sure… I had lunch around noon. I have to feed the baby every few hours so I have been up and down."

"Thanks... I think Giles would have liked it too." She told him, her eyes welling with tears. "Oh God, Angel I wish he could have been here to see her! She'll never know her father."

Angel tenderly covered her hand with his. "I wish I could make it better, I really do."

"Look, there she is! I told you she'd be okay." Cordelia said softly as she and Austin came in the room.

As soon as the toddler saw his mother, he raced over to her bed, surprising everyone, by getting Angel to lift him onto the bed. Buffy realized how attached her son must be to the man to allow him to pick him up.

"Mommy." Austin said as she enveloped him in her arms. He looked down at her stomach, no longer huge, and looked up at her confused.

"Austin, the baby came! You have a little sister, look." Buffy smiled, pointing at the sleeping baby girl. "Her name is Melissa."

"Melissa?" Austin replied his soft voice filled with curiosity about this whole "sister" thing.

"Austin you're getting to be such a big boy, you have a little sister and everything." Cordelia smiled as she sat at the foot of the bed.

"And how long have you been here, Angel?" Cordelia asked, smiling mischievously.

Both Buffy and Angel rolled their eyes. Only Cordelia would find it suitable to set up a man with a woman who was still in the hospital after giving birth to another man's child.

The little boy ran into the living room of Buffy's apartment where Angel sat on the couch and Cordelia stood, with her purse slung over her shoulder, ready to leave.

"Austin, wouldn't you like to spend a little while with Uncle Angel? He can color with you, and play cars with you, and you know he loves snack time." Cordelia asked the little boy, knowing what his answer would be. Since Angel was so quiet, he didn't scare Austin as most adults did.

"See!" Cordelia smiled. "I have to run, Buffy's supposed to check out at ten and it's nine-thirty. We'll be back here in an hour… don't worry."

Angel sighed, still nervous about being left responsible for a two-year-old. "Fine. Drive safe."

"I will! Austin, be good. I'll be back in a little while and Mommy and Melissa will be with me." Cordelia replied before rushing out the door.

Angel found that taking care of Austin was a breeze, really. After they each had some cookies, they headed into the living room. Austin turned the television on, surprising Angel when he knew how to change the channel so that he could watch cartoons as he colored in a coloring book. Angel read the paper as Austin quietly did his own thing. Both were content until Cordelia came bounding in the door.

"We're home!" She announced, dropping the suitcase in the front hall and carrying two pizza boxes into the kitchen.

A moment later, Buffy struggled through the doorway with the baby bag and her purse over a shoulder and the baby carrier with a crying Melissa in her other hand. "Thanks for the help, Cordy." She said sarcastically.

Angel took the bag and purse from her and set them down on the couch. As soon as he walked away, Austin ran up to her and plastered himself against her leg.

"Hi Sweetie… he didn't give you any problems did he Angel?" Buffy asked as she walked to the table with Austin attached to her leg.

"Nope, we got along just fine." Angel told her, watching with interest as Buffy picked Melissa up and lay her against her chest.

"Good.. Austin, why don't you sit down? I promise I'm not going anywhere." Buffy replied, wanting to sit down with her daughter before she collapsed. Austin released her leg and ran off somewhere else. Angel noticed he seemed to be very hyperactive all of a sudden as he sat at the table.

Buffy sat across from him, smiling down at her sleeping daughter that she cradled in her arms. "Melissa doesn't seem to like the baby carrier much."

"She'll probably get used to it." Cordelia told her as she quickly set the table.

Buffy grinned at Angel, who smiled shyly. "He seemed to like them a lot, so I thought of him when I saw it."

Cordelia finished the table, then grabbed Austin's booster seat, helping him get into it in the chair next to Angel. "I guess Austin wants to sit next to his new friend!"

Angel shot her a dirty look, but Cordelia just smiled. This was easier than she thought. Hell, she didn't even have to meddle, Angel and Buffy would get together on their own!

Buffy looked down as she breastfed her daughter in Cordelia's bedroom for privacy. It was the Fourth of July, almost two weeks after Melissa had been born. Cordelia was having a party at her house, and she had coerced Buffy into attendance. Austin seemed to be having a good time, there attend, and they had begun playing with each other.

Buffy, on the other hand, was not enjoying herself. Cordelia was hosting the party with Jack, her live in boyfriend. Most of the guests were couples, but a few of Jack's single male friends were in attendance, and amazed Buffy by actually hitting on her as she held her infant daughter in her arms. They knew she was single, so Buffy suspected they had been told that she was a widow… but that didn't stop them. Sure, she had gotten back to her prepregnancy figure back already, but she thought kids scared guys off.

She didn't dare admit it to Cordelia, but she'd hoped Angel would be there. At least he could provide intelligent conversation. They'd been spending quite a bit of time together lately. He'd insisted that Cordelia still take time off of work so that she could help Buffy, and he came over very often as well, to give help in any way he could.

Buffy was sure that Cordelia invited him, and she wondered why he hadn't agreed to come. She knew he wasn't a party person, but knowing Cordelia, she'd mentioned that Buffy and the kids would be there... Maybe he had a date.

Buffy didn't like the twinge of jealousy she felt at the idea. Angel was free to date anyone he liked. Hell, she had gotten married and had two kids; he had every right to go out with any woman he liked. Besides, she was supposed to be a grieving widow... She couldn't think of any man the way she did Angel. She had to stop. Stop immediately.

She realized Melissa was done eating, so she quickly burped her. The baby immediately fell asleep. She placed her on her side, propping her up with blankets and pillows in the middle of Cordelia's bed. Buffy stood and looked herself over in the mirror, being sure that her nursing bra was fastened and her shirt was adjusted properly.

She took a deep breath and headed back out into the party. Now she didn't have the relative protection of Melissa to keep the leeches at bay. Before she could use the excuse that she had to change her diaper or feed her, but now she had nothing to do but talk to them.

"Nothing… I just… I don't really know anybody. The couples are… coupled… and the single people.. I just don't fit in with them either."

"Well, try harder, Buffy. Come on, you're just used to being in couple mode… be single and looking girl again."

"Cordelia, first of all, I'm not looking. My husband has been dead for a month… I need time. Second, I'm not the same person now that I was when I was single. I have kids, I'm older, I'm a different person."

Buffy nodded, and watched guiltily as Cordelia walked away. Maybe she hadn't given the party a fair shot. And Cordelia really wanted her to have a good time.

"Cordelia," Angel sighed into the phone, "I already told you, I'm not interested in attending the party."

"I sincerely doubt that." He replied honestly. Buffy was a people person and probably had several guys crowded around her, ready to ask her out. Which was precisely why he didn't want to go.

Angel felt a pang in his heart, but reminded himself that Cordelia wasn't above lying to get Buffy together with him. "Why would she be crying?"

"Because, this is her first party without Giles. She used to be a couple and now she's not. She's out of practice at being single and Jack has some vulture-like friends that keep hitting on her and she's very uncomfortable. But if you were here she could talk to you and seeing you with her would keep the vultures away!"

Angel rolled his eyes at Cordelia, but figured she must be acting for Buffy's benefit.

"Honey, she's not even in here." Jack informed his girlfriend as he walked up behind her.

"Hey, if it helps, Cordelia's not exaggerating, Buffy really could use your company."

"Buffy, there you are! I've been looking all over for you." Angel said loudly as he walked up to a very uncomfortable looking Buffy in the hallway near the bathroom. She'd been cornered by yet another of Jack's friends.

Looking up at him with gratitude and relief, she smiled and replied. "I was just using the ladies room, and then Alex here and I got to talking."

Buffy felt her skin burn, but reminded herself that it was only for Alex's benefit.

"So… what are you doing here?" Buffy asked as the two walked into the living room and sat on the couch. Everyone else was closer to the kitchen so they had some privacy.

"Sure… I love to celebrate Independence Day." He added. At her incredulous look, he confessed. "Okay, Cordelia called and told me that you weren't having any fun, and that there were some... Unsavory gentlemen… bothering you."

"It's fine. Hey, I told you I would be there whenever you needed me, and you did need me, so here I am."

"Don't do that… I'd be so disappointed. I came in here looking forward to an evening spent with you."

Buffy shook her head, but couldn't help but smile. The two spent the next hour talking about various topics, amazed at how well they still connected. When it was time to head out to the backyard to watch the fireworks in the sky, the former lovers continued to talk. Cordelia just smiled and carried Austin out to watch.

When the show was over, everyone wandered back inside. Austin planted himself on Buffy's lap, content to sit there quietly as his mother continued to talk. Seeing that he would be falling asleep soon, and everyone left at the party was getting pretty drunk, the both of them decided to call it a night.

Angel helped by carrying a nearly asleep Austin to Buffy's car as she carried Melissa in her carrier and the bag she had with everything the kids needed. He insisted on waiting to watch her pull away before he'd leave.

It was a good thing he did, because when Buffy tried to start the car.... it didn't. Angel checked out the engine, but couldn't really tell what the problem was in the dark. He convinced Buffy to let him drive her home and he'd work on her car the next day.

They quickly got the kids in their carseats in the back of Angel's car. The car ride was made in an easy silence, since they didn't want to wake the children and they were tired anyway. Once they got to Buffy's apartment, they carried the kids inside and put them to bed.

Once they were all settled, Buffy offered Angel a cup of coffee. He agreed, so they sat together on the living room couch with the news playing on the television quietly.

"That was very sweet of you to interrupt your plans to spend the night with me." She told him.

"Really?" Buffy asked, trying not to pry too much. "I would have figured you'd have a date tonight."

Angel looked at her incredulously. "It's a Wednesday night… I would never date in the middle of the week. Besides, I don't date. Haven't been on one in a *long* time… like eight years. Well, that's if patrolling with you counted as a date."

"Smile... You have the greatest smile… you should do it more often." She told him.

Angel flushed and looked down. "I like it when you smile too. And when you're happy and your eyes sparkle. It seemed like you never looked that way for so long. I used to catch it often when you first came to Sunnydale… up until your seventeenth birthday. Then I didn't see it for a long time. It must have been… five years after that when I saw it once more. When you were with Giles…" He told her as he set his cup down on the coffee table. "I couldn't actually see your eyes but I could tell that they sparkled. You had a glow. And now I get to see your eyes sparkle again when you look at Melissa or Austin."

Buffy looked at him with astonishment. He was so observant of the smallest details he constantly amazed her.

"I hope that someday you can look at me and I can make your eyes sparkle again." He added wistfully, but instantly regretted it. "I'm sorry, I never should have… I don't want to pressure you. It's too soon."

Buffy shook her head and set her coffee on the table, taking his hand in hers. "It's all right. I… think that someday you will. I'm just trying to make it later rather than sooner. Not only do I not want to end up hurting my kids or you or myself by rushing into a relationship, but I want to respect Giles' memory."

Her blue eyes connected with his brown ones and they lost themselves in each other. They both leaned forward and their lips met in a haze of passion. Angel's hands moved up to run his fingers through her sun-kissed hair. Buffy moved her hands over his chest, feeling his firm muscles under his shirt, before they stopped to rest on his shoulders.

Slowly, they pulled apart and looked at each other in shock. Neither could believe they had let things go so far.

"No, it wasn't your fault, I never should have done that. Oh God, I'm supposed to have more will power than this!" Buffy began to sob. "I'm a bad person, I'm a disgrace to Giles!"

Angel's heart broke; nothing made him sadder than the sight of Buffy crying. "Buffy, please don't. Giles doesn't want you to do this."

Angel wanted to comfort her, but it would probably be a bad idea to touch her under the circumstances.

"Buffy, you aren't a slut. You have a lot going on in your life right now. You're still trying to adjust to not being with Giles, and you just had a baby two weeks ago. There are so many changes, and change is always disrupting. Everything will be fine. We'll just forget this happened, all right?"

"What's up?" Cordelia asked on her end of the telephone. It was her first day back at work since Giles had died, so when she'd had a spare moment, she'd called her friend to check how things were going.

"Everything is fine." Buffy replied. "Austin and Melissa and I were just getting ready to go to the park."

"No, I have it all under control. Cordelia, I have to live the rest of my life without a husband, I need to be able to take care of my kids alone." Buffy sighed as she cradled the cordless telephone between her head and her shoulder and carried Melissa to her changing table and gave her one more fresh diaper before they left.

"He'll probably go over there himself to help you, whether you want help or not."

Buffy felt her heart skip a beat, even as her mind hoped he stayed far far away from her. "He won't, trust me. I know Angel *very* well and he'll be keeping his space from me."

"Yes, we're doing the space thing." Buffy told her as she finished diapering the baby.

"Cordelia, I am supposed to be in mourning for a year or something, and Giles has only been gone for a month."

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "You are so big on guilt, that's a major flaw you have, Buffy. You loved Giles so much, we all know that but I guarantee he doesn't want you to mope around for a year or whatever. Why can't you mourn him while you work things out with Angel?"

"Because I just need time alone. I need time to get it together with me and my kids, then I can decide if or how Angel could fit in my life."

Cordelia hung up the telephone and smiled sweetly up at her boss as he walked past her desk towards his office without noticing her.

Angel ignored her and walked into his office, plopping down in his desk chair and picking up the telephone. He hesitated for a few seconds, then admonished himself. He and Buffy were friends; friends called each other on the telephone.

He quickly dialed the telephone number, holding his breath as the telephone rang.

Buffy was double-checking to make sure she had everything for their picnic lunch in the basket, as well as the diaper bag all stocked, when the telephone rang. She sighed loudly and hoped it wasn't Cordelia again. She'd never get her off the telephone.

"I'm fine... Although I am getting a teensy bit tired of having everyone giving me worried looks and concerned phone calls." She teased, trying to keep it lighthearted.

Angel smiled. "I'm sorry… I was just enjoying not having Cordelia around so I was just making sure I couldn't pawn her off on you anymore."

"Thank you." He replied his heart swelling. It was the simplest thing, he had made her laugh but it meant so much to him. "Do you promise if you need anything, anything at all, even someone to watch the kids for half an hour so you can rest, you'll call one of us?"

"Sure." Angel replied honestly. There was nothing he'd rather do then talk to Buffy. Well... Almost nothing.

The week went by quickly, and Buffy handled single parenthood quite well. Cordelia was surprised to find the house all in order when she arrived to pick Buffy up that Friday night. Austin was sitting peacefully on the couch and Melissa was sound asleep in her crib when Buffy let her in.

Cordelia shrugged. "Usually, homes with two kids looked trashed 99.9% of the time. Even with two parents."

"Well, Austin has been very good about helping me this week." Buffy told her as she kissed her son on the head. "Caylee should be here any minute now, you'll behave for her won't you?"

"Good boy." Buffy replied, then looked back up at Cordelia. "Did you pick a movie?"

Before Cordelia could answer, there was a knock at the door. It was Caylee, right on time. Buffy gave her a few quick instructions and told Austin good night before she and Cordelia left.

Cordelia drove them to a nearby bistro. They ate their dinner as Cordelia told her friend about everything going on at the office and with Jack. Buffy loved to tease her that she and Jack were practically a married couple, although she didn't understand why Cordelia feared marriage so.

Deciding to change the subject, Cordelia asked "So, what's going on with you and Angel? I'm assuming you two are getting along because he still has this annoying giddy look at times."

"Kissed. One time. We haven't even seen each other since then, except for the next day when he brought me to your place to pick up my car."

"Could that be because you don't trust yourself to be near him without kissing him again? Or maybe it's more a fear of ripping your clothes off?"

"Yeah right, that's what you love most about me. I am direct and honest when you need me to be."

Buffy shook her head and sighed. "Actually… what would you think if I said I was considering moving out of the apartment… maybe getting a little house?"

"Why would you do that? It's a great apartment, and with a house you have a lawn and a lot of other worries."

"I know…" Buffy replied, looking down, "but that apartment is so full of Giles. It's hard sometimes, because everywhere I look I see him."

Cordelia took a deep breath. "Does this have something to do with kissing another man in the same place you kissed Giles?"

"No…yes… I don't know. I mean, I don't want to get a new place just so I can have sex with Angel guilt free… but I know that I will never be able to move on with another man as long as I am in that apartment. So… I figure sooner or later I will need a new place, but the question is, should I do it now, or wait?"

Buffy nodded. "I know... I wish you could, though. It's somewhat hard to be the only adult, the only one who can take care of anything. This is probably going to sound really anti-feminist movement, but I really miss having Giles there making decisions. I mean, he never made all the decisions, but he was there to support me and to help make them. He helped carry the weight."

Cordelia nodded. "I know what you're saying. It's easier when you aren't the only one in charge. It's pretty stressful to be responsible for two children, and when you have someone else to reassure that you're doing it right, it's a lot easier."

"I guess I better get used to it." Buffy replied, laughing sadly. "I really have nothing to complain about, at least I had Giles for when Austin was a baby. There are women with more kids than me that *never* had a man around."

"I have to disagree… you have a right to complain. You got cheated." Cordelia replied. "However, I like to believe that the fates are trying to make it up to you by sending you Angel."

"Cordelia, I know better than most that when you find someone you love you shouldn't waste any time... But I can't rush into anything with Angel. I need some time."

"They are, aren't they?" Cordelia answered. "I never really thought about it, but they've both got the 'noble, sensitive, perfect' thing down pat."

"Maybe I could just go look around at some houses on the market... Can't hurt to look."

"Of course, you're pretty much my fashion consultant, and I know fashion can't end with your clothes."

The next day the two women set out to find a house. They were well prepared, with a list of things that Buffy required her home to have, along with a well-stocked diaper bag to take care of both children. At first Austin was well behaved, obediently following his mother as they wandered through the homes with a real estate agent. But after a couple of hours and it got closer to noon, his lunch and naptime, he got crankier. For a while, it was enough that Cordelia carried him around, but after a while he started fussing.

They decided to take a break for lunch, as soon as Austin ate his food, he was out. Buffy was prepared to stop for the day, but the agent told her she had a house that would fit Buffy to a T. Before Buffy could even argue, Cordelia agreed that they would look.

The agent hadn't lied. It was a one story, four bedrooms, two and a half bath home with a large backyard for the kids. Buffy found it beautiful, and exactly what she'd wanted.

"So... feel any different now that you're a homeowner?" Cordelia laughed as she took a swig of her wine cooler.

Buffy laughed with her. "It's not official yet, so no. However, once I pack up all my stuff here, while taking care of an infant and a toddler, then unpack it all there, with aforementioned infant and toddler in tow, I am sure I will have the look of total exhaustion homeowners often possess."

"Cordelia, it's not nice to offer your boyfriend up to help me move without asking him first." Buffy replied, knowing that Cordelia hadn't been referring to Jack.

"Ha ha… very funny, Buffy. You don't think that as soon as Angel finds out you are moving he won't insist on helping?"

Buffy sipped her own wine cooler before replying. "It doesn't matter if he insists, because I can insist that I want to do it alone."

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Buffy, we all know that you are strong and independent. Now prove to us that you aren't pig headed and will allow others to give you a hand and make your life easier. Or do it to make the move easier for the kids." Laughing, she added, "You owe one to Melissa, since the poor baby has to drink your milk and you're drinking alcohol."

"Oh great, here we go again. Another brood-fest. Between you and Angel it's amazing that I don't need anti-depressants."

"Fun!" Cordelia grinned. "Jack has tickets to a… damn I can't remember the guy's name… but he has four tickets to their concert this Friday. We were going to double with a couple that Jack knows, but they can't go, so we have two extra tickets. You can come with us... You and Angel."

"If that's what you want to call it. Personally I didn't think you'd want to date, but if you do I say go for it!" Cordelia teased.

"So! Remember when I dated.." Cordelia shuddered "Xander... You and Willow used to come to the Bronze with us and it was no big deal."

"Whatever. We'll be here at six to pick you up. The concert is at eight so the four of us can grab some dinner. Do you want to call Angel about it or should I?"

"I'll mention it to him. I don't trust you." Cordelia grinned, then glanced at her watch. "I better get going. You guys wore me out today! "

Cordelia came in the door and was immediately captured in her boyfriend's strong embrace. He kissed her fiercely.

Cordelia smiled, turning on the charm. "I missed you too... How about we spend the entire day tomorrow in bed?"

"Mmm… you know I love that idea." Jack grinned, then looked down at her suspiciously. "What are you going to try to talk me into doing?"

"You know how you're getting tickets for you and I to the Ian Bradley concert Friday from your friend with connections?"

Jack sighed. "This is something you're doing to get Angel and Buffy together, aren't you?"

"Cordy, Honey, maybe you should just leave them alone? I mean Buffy's husband died pretty recently, and it's not like Angel is going to get tired of waiting if they don't start a romantic relationship next week."

"They still need a little push! Buffy bought a house today, she's moving in on the 28^th!"

"And Angel! Because now Buffy won't see Giles everywhere she looks and she won't feel compelled to close herself off because she feels like she owes him something."