Angel's Secrets

Creative Works   

My All (Part 2)
By Tess


Disclaimer: These characters, except for Kat and Jeff, are not mine. I am borrowing them from Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy and all those really cool people. I promise to return them only a little worse for the wear. Please don't sue--remember, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!

. . .

L.A., Spike's warehouse, around midnight...

Spike found himself actually humming as he drank his midnight snack: a cup of blood. Lately Spike had been drinking pre-packaged blood more and more, and to be honest, he didn't know why. Something about the random killing of innocent teenagers with their whole lives ahead of them had begun to unnerve him. But nothing could be wrong now, because tonight he was going to see the slayer. He had been doing a lot of thinking abut the her and had realized the whole unfairness of her predicament: destined to die from the moment she was activated as slayer, knowing full well that every day she risked her life to save those of others. She had a limited social life because of her *sacred duty,* and her boyfriend was a 243 year-old vampire who was currently taking up residence in hell. She had a crappy life all right. And some how, she was all he could think about. He remembered how she had stopped him from killing that cop the night they had made their agreement, and how she traded off sarcastic remarks with him with such ease. Yes indeed, he definitely felt affection for this tiny slayer. *Which is a bugger of a problem, considering we're mortal enemies.* Then there was the whole problem of Angel. Since Buffy was alive, Angel had to either be dead or in hell. Either one was fine with Spike, just so long as Angel was away from Dru. If he heard her cry out for that bastard one more time..... Spike threw his glass against the wall and it shattered into thousands of tiny pieces. Just they way he wished Angel would. He looked up to see Dru standing in the doorway. She was obviously excited about something, if not a little nervous.

"Spike...she's here, Spike. They're here. The slayers. What should we do, luv, what should we do?" Dru's eyes were large, imploring.

"I don't know, darling. What do you suggest?"

"Oooh.....I don't know!" she wailed. "If only my Angel were here. My Angel would know what to do."

Spike kicked over the chair next to him. "Blast it, Dru! I am sick of hearing about *your* Angel. Angel this, Angel that. He's dead, Dru. Or else in hell, and to be perfectly honest with you, I don't bloody care. I don't give a damn about your bloody Angel. He just waltzed in here and took over the whole blasted place. And you, Dru. He took *you.* He took from me the only thing I've ever loved, and that's not something to be forgiven easily. I love you, Dru. You have to know that. Don't you remember all the good times we had? Paris? London? I would give you anything, pet, anything at all. Just ask." Much to Spike's embarrassment, he felt tears in his eyes. *Tears? Bloody hell.*

Dru was staring at some point on the far wall.

"Spike, when do you think my Angel will come back to me? Did I do something wrong to make him go away? Was I a bad girl?" Dru's face became pouty and she whimpered a little bit.

"Damn it, Dru, that's it! I can't take it anymore. It's obvious who you love and there's no way I can compete with Angelus the bloody Chosen One, so cheers, luv. Have a nice afterlife." Spike left the room, slamming the door behind him. Even as he was getting in his car, he could hear her singing a strange, sad song for her lost Angel.

"Oh, Dru," he spoke aloud. "What am I going to do without you?" Even as he spoke, he somehow knew the answer. *Find the slayer.*


. . .

L.A., roughly midnight.

"So Angelus killed Ms. Calendar, who was Giles' girlfriend..." Kat was still trying to get things straight.

"Sorta," Buffy interrupted Kat. "It was never official, but we all knew they were in love."

"Okay, so Angelus killed Giles' sorta girlfriend because she was trying to restore his soul, then he left her on Giles' bed as some sort of sick joke?"

"Don't forget that he killed Willow's fish and wanted to kill my mom." Buffy's eyes were dark and her tone was dead serious.

"Right. Boy, obsessed much?"

"What do you mean?"

"With you. Everything he did, before and after he lost his soul, it was all centered around you. You consumed his thoughts."

"Yeah, well, love, or I guess in this case hate, makes you do the wacky." Buffy's face was wistful; she was obviously thinking of the days when she and Angel were still very much in love

"No, not hate. Love. Even when he was Angelus, I think he still loved you, and that's what got to him. That's why he wanted to hurt you so much...he couldn't stand it that he, a vampire and perhaps the most brutal and notorious one of all time, was in love with the Slayer. You represented all that he hated, or that he should hate, and yet he couldn't hate you. I think that's why he did what he did."

Buffy looked confused, but then her eyes widened with the understanding of what Kat had just said.

"Wow. You're good. Ya know, I never thought of it that way. I suppose it could be true...hey! How did you know so much about Angelus' history?"

"You-you told me." Kat looked genuinely afraid, cowered by the coldness in Buffy's eyes. She had seen what Buffy was capable of inflicting on her enemies, and Kat had no intentions of getting on the girl's bad side.

Buffy planted both hands firmly on the table, making their cups shake and Kat's unfinished cappuccino spill onto the plastic tablecloth

"Sorry, wrong answer. Now 'fess up. What do yo know and who or what are you really? Whistler sent you to keep tabs on me, didn't he. Well you can tell him to stay out of my life. He's caused me enough trouble already."

"Whoa...slow down. I don't even know who this Whistler guy is, so I can assure you he didn't send me." Kat's face looked honest enough, so Buffy continued her interrogation.

"Well then who did?"

"How about this: you finish telling me your story, then I promise I'll tell you mine. Okay?" Her eyes had turned dark grey and were nervously focused on the slayer's face. Kat was terrified of this girl, this powerful slayer. She had read reports of the slayer's strength and prowess and she had never anticipated this indomitable slayer, this powerhouse, to be a petite girl her own age. *God, what she must have seen in her seventeen years!*

"Excuse me?" Buffy interrupted her train of thought and Kat quickly brought her attention back to what the slayer was saying, lest she regret it later. "You expect me to let you off just like that? You obviously know far more than you're telling me...for all I know, you could be some sort of demon, or, or, praying mantis, or 600 year old Incan mummy who sucks the life out of people, or a robot, or something equally as nasty! At least answer me this: are you human? As in solid flesh and bone, with a pulse?"

"Yes."

"And you're on my side?"

"Of course."

"Fine. I'll finish my story, but if you try anything funny...I have a stake and I know how to use it."

"But I'm not a vampire..." Kat looked at Buffy's face and realized the implications behind the slayer's words. "Oh. Ew. Okay."

"Now, let's get out of here. The manager is giving us a look that is not of the nice." Buffy got up from her chair and picked up her jacket and bag.

"Where are we going? Everything's gonna be closed at this time of night!" Kat left 10 dollars on the table to cover their drinks and the tip. Buffy raised an eyebrow but said nothing about Kat's abundance of cash.

"I thought we'd crash at a local motel. I'm exhausted, I don't know about you." Buffy walked out of the little cafe, letting the door swing shut in Kat's face. Kat pushed the door open and followed the slayer down the street. Suddenly, Buffy stopped dead in her tracks.

"Oh shit, wait."

"Wh-what?" Kat's eyes widened, anticipating vampires or something equally undesired.

"One minor problem."

"What's that?"

"I'm pretty much broke." The slayer had to bite her lower lip to keep it from trembling and her expression was a combination of sadness and embarrassment.

Kat let out a sigh of relief. "Don't worry about it, I got it covered."

Again Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Thanks. I owe you."

"Don't worry about it. You've already repaid me tons of times."

Buffy looked genuinely confused. "How? I've known you for like, six hours or something."

"Tell me something...how many times have you saved the world from total destruction?" Buffy was silent so Kat continued. "I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you, so really I'm the one who owes you."

"Yeah, sure, go on and make it hard for me to be mad at you now." Buffy's lips curved into a wry smile.

"I didn't..." Kat's eyes grew large as she protested.

"Relax...I was making with the funny. A joke."

"Oh. Sorry."

"God, you sound like Willow."

Kat furrowed her brow in concentration. "Willow...the hacker, right? Your best friend who's afraid of frogs and is dating a werewolf?"

"Yep, that's Willow...hey, what the hell are you doing?" Kat had stepped into the street right in the path of an oncoming vehicle.

"Chill...I'm getting us a taxi. Don't they have taxis in Sunny..."

"Sunnydale, and yes. However we in Sunnydale would rather risk our lives fighting the forces of evil than playing chicken with the traffic."

"Well, relax, we're in LA now. Sunnydale's practically in another world."

"I know," Buffy whispered, "I know."

The girls got into the cab and Kat told the driver to take them to the best hotel in the area.

"You sure, miss? You sure you got da dough?" The driver was a burly looking New Yorker who obviously had forgotten the meaning of the word 'razor.' Buffy leaned over the seat, in full Slayer mode.

"Of course we have the money. But if you keep insisting otherwise, I'd be more than happy to persuade you." Buffy pulled a stake from her bag.

"Okay, chill lady! I didn't mean nuttin', honest!" The driver looked at her half in fear and half in disbelief, but he stepped on the gas and got them to their hotel in record time. Buffy got out first and glared at the driver while she waited for Kat to pay. Kat dug thirty bucks out of her bag and tossed it at the driver.

"Keep the change!" she shouted, and the two girls ran giggling into the hotel. Kat motioned for Buffy to sit down in one of the overstuffed armchairs in the lobby while she went over to the concierge's desk.

"May I help you?" A young man was behind the desk, a *cute* young man. He couldn't have been much older than Kat herself.

"Yes, I'd like to get a room for the night, please." She looked at his name tag...Jeff Watts.

Jeff looked at her incredulously. "Okay...do you have any preferences?"

"What's the best you got available?" Kat turned on the charm, tossing her hair over one shoulder and licking her lips.

Jeff felt his cheeks redden under her obvious attention. "Um, lemme check. Let's see....well, according to the computer, the uh, wow, the penthouse is vacant."

"I'll take it."

"Okay, um, your name, miss?"

Kat racked her brains. She couldn't give Buffy's real name in case the police were tracking her, and she couldn't give her own for basically the same reason. She instead rattled off the first name that came to mind.

"Willow...uh, Giles. Willow Giles, that's me."

"All right, Miss Giles, the penthouse it is. Are you sure you can..."

"Yes, dammit, I can afford it!" Kat's eyes flashed blue-green and her lips set in a firm line.

Jeff held up his hands in mock surrender. "Whoa...I was just going to ask if you could handle your bags or if you wanted me to carry them for you. That's what I get for being polite."

"Oh God, I'm sorry. All I've been hearing tonight is 'are you sure you can afford it, miss?' and it's really starting to piss me off. I guess I'm just overtired. And to answer your question, it would be wonderful if you could help us with our bags."

"Us? You're not alone?" Jeff looked confused. Kat motioned to Buffy and the slayer quickly grabbed stuff and joined them.

"Hi!" she said.

Jeff gave Kat and Buffy a curious look. "Wait a sec, are you guys...together? Like, *together* together?"

"God no!" Buffy half-shouted. "Ew! We're...cousins. We're staying here on our way to visit our..."

"Uncle." Kat quickly filled in.

"Yeah, Uncle Rupert. Ya got a problem with that?" Buffy eyes flashed and Jeff backed up a bit.

"No, no, I was just curious. It would be a real shame for two beautiful girls like yourselves to be...well, you know."

"Well, we're not...you know." Buffy replied. "And I have a boyfriend, by the way."

"Then why isn't he with you now?"

Buffy winced and Kat could see her fighting back the tears.

"He's out of town for a while...on business," Kat interjected. She shot Jeff a killer look, silently warning him to shut up if he knew what was good for him. He took her hint and said nothing until they arrived at the penthouse.

"Well, here you are ladies. Here are your room keys, here are your bags, and if you need anything, don't hesitate to call me at the main desk. Enjoy your stay." And he vanished down the hall.

Buffy opened the door to the room and just stood there in shock. This one room was probably bigger than her entire house in Sunnydale! There was a balcony, a huge bed, tons of furniture, including two sofas, a TV and VCR, and all that was just in the bedroom! The bathroom contained a sauna, a Jacuzzi, a shower, another TV and tons more. How in the hell was Kat going to be able to pay for it all?

"Kat, you 've got a lot a 'splaining to do!"

"I will, I will, after you finish." Kat plopped down on the king size bed and waited. Buffy finally sat down next to her, and tracing the pattern on the comforter with her fingers, began to talk.

"Alright. After Angelus killed Ms. Calendar, he stayed quiet for a little bit. Most of my fighting was non-vamp related. Demons, fish monster X-Men wannabe's, that sort of thing. But then some archaeologists found this giant box containing a demon called Alfalfa...uh, Acathla.....


. . .

Somewhere in CA, around 1:30 a.m...

It seemed like forever ago that Spike had peeled out of the parking lot of the abandoned warehouse that he and Dru had been inhabiting. He glanced briefly at his watch: 1:30 a.m. He had been driving aimlessly for over an hour and a half and it felt like an eternity. In his 200-something years, he had never felt a pain so excruciating as the pain he felt when he left Dru. He had spent so much of his afterlife loving her and looking out for her that he wasn't sure what to do now that he was alone. Without Dru, Spike felt like no one. She was a part of his identity, as much a part of him as his bleached blond hair and sarcastic attitude. Losing her was like losing a piece of himself, and he wasn't quite sure how to fill the void that she left in his heart. He knew he had to find the slayer, and he also knew that he couldn't wait until midnight. He needed to see her now, to see a familiar face amidst the sea of chaos that had just become his existence. He needed to banter with her, for her to make him feel like things were normal again...well, abnormal, considering the whole slayer-vampire thing, but as normal as things got for life on the Hellmouth. And most shocking of all, he wanted to be held. He wanted someone to hold him and let him cry on their shoulder...*You're thinking like a bloody fairy, Spike! Pull yourself together, man! No more of this bollocks. You've never cried before, why start now?* And it was true. Never in his two hundred years, alive or undead, had he ever cried. So why did he suddenly feel this overwhelming urge to go and bawl his eyes out on the slayer's shoulder? The slayer, of all people! Not the slayer's cute little redhead friend, not one of his many female minions, but the goddamn bloody slayer. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the vision of his head resting on the breast of the slayer while she stroked his hair and whispered reassurances in his ear. He could almost feel her sweet breath on his neck....

BEEEEEEEEEEP!

The car in the other lane honked angrily at Spike and the vampire quickly jerked his car back into its proper lane. He had been so preoccupied thinking of the blasted slayer that he had drifted into the other lane of travel, into the oncoming traffic. Dammit, he had to find the bloody slayer before he lost his mind completely. Now, he knew she was in L.A., because Dru had picked her up on her psychic radar or whatever it was. All he had to do was find where in L.A. He decided to start by searching all the hotels in the area. *A bloody impossible task, but I'm not seeing many other options here.* And he would have to hurry, too. Sunrise was in a little more than 5 hours. Spike jerked the car off the highway at the next exit and read the sign: L.A. 70 miles.


. . .

At the hotel, about 2:30 a.m. ...

"And all of the sudden, the look on his face changed. His eyes flashed gold, and his face, his beautiful face...." Buffy looked away from Kat for a minute, trying to blink back the tears that she knew would come pouring out anyway. She felt Kat's hand on her shoulder and shrugged it away. When she finally turned around, her face was a mask of pain and longing and it pierced Kat's heart to see Buffy in so much distress.

"He dropped to the ground in pain," Buffy continued, "And I just stood there, with my sword ready in case it was a trick..." As she told her story to Kat, Buffy could see the whole thing playing in her head, a sad, strange movie that drove her to tears...


. . .

"Buffy? What's going on?" Angelus looked up at her with such confusion and fear in his soulful brown eyes and she just stood there, not sure whether or not to lower her sword. His eyes darted quickly around the room, trying to understand what was going on, and he finally brought his gaze to her face as he pulled himself to his feet. When he spoke, his voice was soft and husky, choked with emotion.

"Where are we? I-I don't remember."

The realization of what had just happened, that Angelus had somehow gotten his soul back and that the person standing before her now was Angel, began to sink in and Buffy slowly lowered her sword.

"Angel?" She spoke softly, tentatively, as if she were afraid that her words would somehow undo what had just happened.

Angel's eyes connected with hers for the briefest of seconds, before his vampire senses drew his attention to the blood leaking from the wound on her arm.

"You're hurt." Angel gently touched the cut that he had inflicted, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he had been the cause of it. She looked down at his hand on her arm, looked up at his concerned brown eyes, and stepped into his arms. His arms wrapped around her so tightly she could barely breathe. It had been so long since he last held her, so long since she had last felt the touch of his hands on her body...

"Oh, Buffy... God. I... I feel like I haven't seen you in months."

Buffy closed her eyes and let out the sigh she had been holding since the night that Angel had changed...the night that they had made love..

"Oh, my God, everything's so muddled. I..." Angel tightened his hold on her and drew her closer to him. "Oh..." Angel sighed deeply and buried his lips in her shoulder. "Oh, Buffy..."

Buffy finally let down all her defenses and clung to Angel, soaking his shoulder with her tears. She finally had her Angel back... they would be together now, everything would be okay. A low rumble suddenly interrupted her reverie and Buffy opened her eyes. She was shocked to see the demon Acathla's face contort, his eyes glow red, and then his huge mouth widen to release the swirling vortex to Hell. As she stared, the vortex grew, and she dropped her arms from around Angel's back. Angel noticed her shock and looked directly into her eyes.

"What's happening?"

How could she tell him? How could she tell him that Angelus had opened the portal to Hell?

"Shhh," she said. "Don't worry about it." She ran her fingers over his lips and across his cheek. Resting her hand on his cheek, she kissed him softly. As the vortex increased in size, so did the passion and desperation of their kiss. Finally, Buffy pulled away from Angel, and seeing the size of the vortex, realized that she had to make her decision.

"I love you" she whispered.

"I love you." Oh, how she had longed to hear those words from his mouth. Those months without him, without his love, had been an eternity. And now that she had him back, now that she again had his love, this was that bizarre twist of fate that always occurred to keep them apart. Every single time that things were looking to be in their favor, that it seemed like they would finally be able to be together, something had to happen. The master killed Buffy, or Angel lost his soul, and now...now she was going to have to send the man she loved to Hell. She had no other choice. If she didn't, it would be Armageddon. But how could she? How could she look Angel in his beautiful, sad, soulful eyes and tell him that she had to send him to Hell? The answer was plain and simple...she just wouldn't tell him. For now, she just wanted to be with him, to savor his kiss one last time. She touched his lips with her fingers and somehow managed to find her voice.

"Close your eyes."

He looked down at her in confusion and she nodded reassuringly. Trusting her, as he always had, he closes his eyes. She tried hard not to start crying, knowing that she was betraying the only man she had ever loved, and kissed him gently. She took a step away, drew back her sword and thrust it into his chest. His eyes snapped open in shock and pain, burning into hers, imploring why she did it. The tears began to stream freely down her face as a bright light emanated from the sword. She stepped away from him and he reached out to her, looking down at the sword she had thrust through him. He looks back up, his expression one of confusion and bewilderment. Avoiding his eyes, which she knew were full of pain and betrayal, Buffy stared at the sword protruding from his chest and slowly stepped back further

"Buffy...!" Angel cried out, still holding his hand out to her. The vortex began to swirl furiously as Angel was drawn further and further into it. Not wanting to watch, but not able to tear her eyes from him, Buffy stared in silence, tears streaming down her face, as her lover was sucked into Hell. Even as the vortex was closing, she could see his eyes, his deep brown eyes, begging and pleading with her to explain why she did it and to somehow save him. The vortex finally closed completely, taking Angel with it, and all Buffy could do was stare at the stone demon that now stood where her lover had been only moments before. Her sobs began to choke her, and she raised a hand to her mouth to stifle them. Stepping back again, she turned and, still crying, walked out of the mansion.


. . .

About 3 a.m...

"I can still see his eyes. God, he loved me so much, and I betrayed him like that." Buffy was silent for a moment, wiping the tears from her face. "After I left the warehouse, I walked home and gathered up my stuff. I didn't know where I was going, or for how long, but I had to get away. My mom had told me not to come back home, I told you that, right? and I had been expelled from school, so I really had nowhere left. I left my mom a note and took off. I went to school in the morning, just to watch my friends one last time, to see how they were, and then I left for the bus depot. You know the rest."

Kat sat in stunned silence. She had never imagined that Buffy's history was so sad, so intense. When she had first been told that the Slayer was in love with a vampire, she could hardly believe it was possible, that the Slayer could find time for it. Nor was she able to imagine how great this love could be and just how much it could mean to both the Slayer and her vampire lover. As a slayer, your duty was supposed to come first, not your relationships. Being the slayer was not just your occupation, it was who you were. Slaying had to come first, before everything and everyone else. Kat knew this, for she was the next Slayer.

. . .

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