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Why Don't I Ever Learn?
By Amy Mina
amymina(at)yahoo.com

Summary: Buffy realizes that it isn't about her.
Disclaimer: These characters as well as the scene itself belongs to Joss Whedon and whoever else owns Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This is a part of Becoming, part one, of what may had been going through Buffy's head at the time.
Dedication: To Becca, who read everything that I write, no matter how weird it is!

. . .

"You never learn do you?" I sent Angelus a confused look. "This isn't about you, this is never about you." What did he mean not about me? What else could it be about? We were here to fight, that lovely burning vampire in the classroom said I had to meet him or more would die. Unless...oh, dear God, please no.

"And you fall for it every single time," he called our after me, as I turned on my heel to run back to the library. My friends, he was after my friends, using my weakness to his advantage. I heard his laugh at my expense, echo through the darkness. Ignoring him, I concentrated on getting back to the school. I needed to make sure they were all right. Late time, I had been to stupid to even see the plan, and the late master's followers had kidnapped and attempted to kill four of my friends. None of them had been killed, we had been lucky. I needed to hurry, I didn't want my friends to end up on the list of high mortality rates.

How could he do this to me? Angel-no wait, Angelus, was attempting to kill my friends, just to get back at me. He used to be so kind, sweet--I still love him, which was evident, although I tried to convince the others and myself that the curse attempt was just as a last resort. I was lying to myself, and this lie could get them killed.

I ran as fast as I could go, but even slayers get tired. Hearing my shoes pound on the pavement, I began to tire. Even a slayer doesn't have unlimited air supply. For one of the only times in my life, I prayed hard to whoever was listening that I would get there in time that no one would be hurt. He had always protected my friends and I before, I hope he will now.

There was a bench standing in front of me, but I couldn't slow down and go around it. I sped up a little and concentrated to make sure that I didn't trip over it. I made it over safely, but as I landed, I felt my ankle turn underneath me. After a few more steps, I knew that ankle was going hurt for awhile.

Taking one deep breath after another, I keep running. I went past the cars, down the road, up the sidewalk and to the school. Grabbing the door and pulling on the handle, I ran inside the school and felt like everything was happening in slow motion, although, by the burning in my legs, I was speeding up. Sending on last prayer to the unknown, I pushed through the library doors. It takes a moment for me to focus on the scene in the library. Before I knew what was happening, I found myself running into the library and bending over Kendra. As much as my brain said not to, I moved forward to take her pulse, finding that there was none. Picking up her hand in my own, I tried not to cry. She couldn't be dead, Kendra was the undefeatable slayer. I tried to will life back into her body, not willing to let go yet. I didn't even look at the rest of the library, I was too upset. He failed me, the one who had always protected us had failed me. Was this more punishment for what had happened with Angel?

"Freeze!"

. . .

The End

. . .

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