Creative Works   

Sanctum (Part 7)
By Cryptic

Disclaimer: Yada, yada…Why Joss, why??

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She slowly turned around in her sleep and her hand came in contact with a smooth surface; she snuggled in closer – it felt so good, it felt …like home. Slowly she opened up her eyes, afraid if she rushed it would all disappear. But it didn’t – he was there, he was really there. Or rather - she was there, in his bed; but it was his arm resting on her belly, his breath that tickled the back of her neck. She slowly disentangled herself from his sleeping form, she just wanted to look at him – so peaceful, so beautiful. Memories of last night flooded her mind – it was the best night ever, she’d never been this happy as when she woke up in his arms – it made up for one other night long ago, when he wasn’t there when she woke up in his bed.

She was practically shining with happiness, she had to tell anyone or she would burst. She sneaked out of bed, and grabbing the cordless phone that lay by it, headed for the kitchen.

"Hi, no, Willow, it’s me – Buffy. No he’s fine..As a matter of fact great…Hmmm, something definitely happened… Well, yes, and I feel great, I feel happy. Willow, of course it was great, "she blushed, remembering just how great it was; she laughed, rolling her eyes. "He’s sleeping, but it’s been a good start and I am so not ever going to leave his side..or his bed" She chuckled again and then stifled a yawn. "Ok, I promise to give details tomorrow – yes, lots of juicy ones, now go to bed..Oh yes, I am definitely going back to bed myself..Bye, see you later."

She placed the phone on the counter and went back to bed, snuggling comfortably in Angels’ waiting arms, and promptly drifting to sleep without managing to take off the goofy content smile that graced her face.

He smiled in his sleep, this dream was so good, although he was used to dreaming about her, this dream was really good. So good, it almost felt real. It was only a dream, but if it wasn’t for the way her hair brushed against his chest, the way her breath came out in little puffs…God, he was fully awake now. All in a matter of seconds. She was real, she was there, in his bed. Oh, God, in his bed. He panicked – he could feel his heart in his throat, beating furiously, his mind still troubled with images of last night. Last night, he almost blushed at the thought – it was the best night of his entire life…*and unlife* if you don’t count that night long ago, that rainy night when they gave in to their feelings for the first time. Oh, boy, he’d really messed up this time. He looked at the still sleeping form of his lover, he didn’t remember being so confused ever. With one last glance he sneaked out of bed and put on his clothes, ignoring the burning pain that spread all over his body when he just about moved a muscle.

He had to think, he had to decide . . .He messed up royally this time, this time it was all his fault and he knew it. He had made the first step, without thinking about the consequences. He had been so selfish, his need for her – so overwhelming, but that didn’t excuse him. No, he was the only one to blame – he had drawn her into this, messed up whatever chances she had ever had of leading a normal life. He didn’t deserve this, she didn’t. He knew he was going to hurt her, but there was no other way. It was for her happiness first and foremost, because soul or not, he would always be a danger for her and life with him would be trial, and she had had more than a handful of those.

She woke up with a start, realizing he was no more beside her. She looked around frantically and found him sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, looking at her intently, his eyes hooded.

"Angel" she whispered, not sure how to go on, oblivious to why he had left the bed in the first place.

At first he didn’t move, he made no sign whatsoever acknowledging that he had heard her.

"What’s wrong?" She got out of the bed and approached him, placing her hand on his.

This simple gesture was enough to send him flying half way through the room, as if he were chased by fire.

"Don’t.." he hissed. "I know this is going to be hard for you, Buffy." He paused, struggling with his own feelings, his weakness, his need. "But this, " he gestured towards her and the bed. "can’t go on. It was a mistake, it’s all my fault, and it will never happen again."

She was looking at him, her eyes huge and luminous, the tears streaming freely down her face.

"I don’t understand" She whispered brokenly. "Why?"

"I was lost, I thought I was imagining things, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I don’t want this, and if you’d think carefully you’d understand you don’t want it either."

"But, but I love you, and you, you said you loved me too." She managed through heavy sobs.

"Sometimes that isn’t enough."

She lowered her head in defeat: she wasn’t good enough, she was a failure, a huge failure when even the first man she gave her heart to rejected her, twice. "I understand. I won’t bother you again…" How could she be so stupid to believe that a simple schoolgirl could hold the attention of someone so extraordinary as him; he had realized he could do much better, after only a single night. She was pathetic, she was worthless. She was nothing.

She left, hurriedly picking up her scattered clothes, without looking back; only too glad he was letting her flee this room, this whole nightmare without adding more grief to her already damaged heart. She could bear his disappointment, but not his contempt.

He could still feel her, still see her wounded expression –a sight that would haunt him until his dying day. Oh, but had death ever been more welcome!

He smashed his fist against the cold hard wall, too numb to feel it give in, far too wrapped up in grief and longing to see his own blood on the remnants. It was over, this time it was really over, he had seen it in her eyes – the same endless pool of sorrow he was drowning in. She wouldn’t be his lifeline now, she wouldn’t save him this time because no one could save him from himself. But she would thank him, yes, one day she would thank him.

. . .

Page 7 of 7

Author’s note: "Crucifixion" would be the last part to this series, and will be done shortly. For all those who stuck by me, patiently waiting for inspiration to hit me – thank you. This is all for you. This part goes to my mother for being my inspiration, although she will never read this. Also to Sophie, for becoming such a great friend. And last but not least to Cryptgirl, who waited long enough for it. J

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