Lorne

• Lorne: I will survive...
• Angel: There are three things I don't do: tan, date - and sing in public!
• Cordelia: That man will do anything to save a life.

• Angel to Darla: I still can't believe you're here. I mean - I killed you.

• Lorne: you're headed into trouble with a capital 'troub.'

• Lorne: You're Rocky and Rocky II and half of the one with Mister T.

• Lorne: Why do you care so much about Darla?

• Wesley: Come to find your destiny, have you?
• Cordelia: Earth to retards: you have an obsession you pretty much squeeze it into your schedule, no matter what!

• Lorne: What's today? Thursday? Tomorrow night, the world's going to end. I thought you might want to know.
• Lorne: Someone had to drive. You weren't exactly qualified, huddled under the blanket in back, hiding from the sun.
• Angel: So this mad scientist has these demons worshipping and protecting him while he blows up the planet.
• Mike: If you could stop time, anything in the field would stand still forever in its own private universe.
• Angel: You want to know what my problem is? I'm trying to atone for a hundred years of unthinkable evil. News flash! I never can!
• Denise: Gene, we have to talk.
• Lorne to Angel: You're connecting to a human. That's a start.

• Caritas, where anxious lawyers go to forget
• Angel to Lorne: Getting to the Senior Partners, that's my destiny

• Lorne to Angel: You think you're the first guy who ever rolled over,saw what was lying next to him and went 'Guyeah!'

• Lonre: I think your friend should reconsider the name Harmony. Cacaphony, maybe?

• Lindsey: (singing at Caritas) I can't feel a thing

• Lorne: It's all right. Everything's fine. Nothing to worry about. It's all part of the show.
• Lorne: Am I happy to see you. You're still a knight for hire, yeah? Well, I'm hiring.
• Cordelia: Actually, we're looking for someone we think works here.
• Cordelia: Yeah, Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel.
• Landok: (to Lorne) Does your cowardice know no limits?
• Lorne: Talk about screwed up values. A world of only good and evil, black and white, no gray. No music, no art.
• Angel: Hey. You want food? I can be food. Pretty tasty here.
• Landok: Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan, give me your pledge. Will you perform the rituals?
• Lorne: Uh, wh-what say we all forget this ever happened, huh?

• Angel: Screw logic. We're getting Cordy back.
• Lorne re leaving Pylea: And that's when I realized that I'd been delivered from hell.
• Psychic Aggie to Lorne: Deep down you've always known you'd have to take that one last trip home.
• Angel: I'm just waiting for Wesley to have that Eureka moment
• Wesley: I'm 96% sure this will work
• Lorne: Oh yes, this is my home dimension. Home sweet hell.
• Lorne: Xenophobia is kind of a watch-word where I'm from
• Wesley: I think we're winning!
• Cordelia from her throne: Hi, guys

• Cordelia to the gang: Am I not the princess?
• Lorne's Mom: When you disappeared, your brother Numfar (Joss Whedon) did the dance of joy
• Landok: That is no cow. He's Angel! The brave and noble drokken killer!
• Angel the storyteller
• Landok to Angel: It is a great honor to swing the crebbil at the bach-nal
• Groo to Cordy: such compassion to ignore the flaws of my polluted birth.

• Lorne to Cordy: It's not like I have hands to cover my ears here, ya know?
• Lorne-in-the-bucket, rescued by Groo
• Lorne's head to the gang: Where's the love, guys?
• Lorne's mom: They call me Mother of the vile excrement!
• There's no place like ... where you hear bad news

• Lorne: Way outside of my area of expertise, I should caution. But hey? Who knew William Shatner could sing?
• Angel to Cordy: the visions are just after market extras like Hurst shift or Krager wheels.
• Cordy to Angel: I tried to be brave. I did. But I'm just scared now. I'm scared all the time.

• Merl to Angel: I want back the three months I spent in therapy after being hung upside down in a sewer.
• Gunn to Rondell: You can't do that, man. I can't let you. You lost the mission, bro.
• Angel to Gunn: Take a look. This is what I am. Deal with it or don't. But make a damn choice.

• Lorne to Fred: you’re in a bad place, aren't you doll?
• Lorne: I'm not some mystical vending machine here to spit out answers

• Lorne: This is way beyond my ken... and my Barbie and *all* my action figures.
• Cordelia to Darla: If there's anything you need, anything at all...

• Lorne: Darla wants to have her baby here?
• Darla: Yeah. I'm sorry about that. I don't know what got into me.
• Angel: You don't just get half a miracle, do you?
• Lorne, having read Holtz: run!
• Darla to Angel: What we did to Holtz... doesn't seem so funny now, does it?

• Lorne: Wow. I'm sensing a serious 'mama bear' vibe.
• Angel: I promised his mother. No one is gonna put their hands on this child. No one.
• Angel: I'm a terrible father. I can't even get him to stop crying.
• Lorne: You got to figure a guy like you, a place like this, the only truly safe room would be the janitor's closet.
• Cordelia to Angel: So you're just gonna leave? Run away?
• Angel to Linwood: You just became my son's godfather, understand?

• Angel: Okay. Look, if this is a mystical problem there's got to be some kind of mystical solution.
• Angel: You really piss me off, you know that? I thought we trusted each other.
• Fred: The red spots are what they call hot areas or what you'd expect from a healthy, functioning brain.
• Cordelia: No horns. (Checks her backside. Smiles at Angel) No tail.

• Helping the helpless, finding Holtz, and making money are our *three* number one priorities.
• We're getting stretched a little thin here, Angel.
• They either have to consult with their prince or go eat a cheese monkey. Did-did I mention rusty with the lingo?
• Angel, I don't think it's such a great idea to be working on so many cases at once.
• Terrif. Hey, this is the puzzle they want you to solve.
• We will sew it on this very night.
• We return your gracious gift and you return Fred. Sorry about the confusion, but we kind of need her head at work.
• Well, I guess you cut off the snake's head... You piss the other snakes off.

• Lorne to Angel: it's Kyrumption
• Uncle Lorne's lullaby
• Angel: we grew closer

• Angel: Wes, don't be such a worrywart.
• Kim: they started playing this beyond industrial trash noise funk day and night. And then it happened to me.
• Lorne to Angel: when did you start drinking so much blood?
• Wes to Angel RE: Connor: You wanna say good-bye?
• Lorne to Angel: he's not taking the baby overnight. He's taking the baby away for good.
• Angel: He took my son!

• Angel: I don't care why. All I care about now is getting my son back. Then I'll deal with those responsible.
• Lindwood: At last count the charges were kidnapping, assault and battery, attempted murder --
• Lorne to Angel: Is this really how you wanna get Connor back?
• Gunn to Angel: Wes was trying to protect you. Same as we're doin' right now.
• Lorne to Angel: Maybe the way to start forgiving yourself is by starting to forgive Wes.

• Fred: Lorne, he lost the only child he'll ever have.
• Groosalugg: This house is thick with sadness.
• Groosalugg: He is very fortunate to have such a woman looking after his weapon.

• Cordy: Angel's feelings are the only ones I care about. He's my priority.
• Angel to Spivey: Okay, pal. You wanna put down the Big Gulp, nice and easy, or--
• Big ugly slug thing. Where'd it go?
• Angel: Longer we wait, the sooner that thing finds a way out of here. And I'm not gonna let that happen.
• Angel to Lorne: There's a price to pay. I know. There's always a price.
• All the lights?
• Gunn to Angel: All this is happening 'cause of you. What you did. This is your fault.
• Angel to Sluk-possesed-Fred: Why is this Destroyer after you?
• Gunn: c'mon baby, drink!
• Connor to Angel: Hi Dad.

• personally I'm less worried about the 'how he grew up' than the 'why he came back.'
• Mistrees Meerna seals the rift

• Fred: Standard issue army surplus Geiger counter.
• Groo to Lorne: And if a thing is not meant to be?
• Angel to Connor: It could be kind of dangerous. There's a lot of killing and violence. You wanna come?
• Lorne to Connor: Actually, that's *uncle* filthy demon to you.
• Lorne to Angel RE Cordelia: In my professional opinion? Well, Miss demon-y britches here gave that child some kind of 'soul colonic'.

• Angel to Cordelia: See? I'm so out of touch. He's gonna hate me.
• Groo to Cordelia: In my heart I have known the truth for some time.

• Angel Vision 1: Freeze the moment, dad. It'll last forever.
• Lorne: Make sure Fluffy gets enough love
• Angel Vision 4: I'd take him out myself if I wasn't just a crappy hallucination

• Gunn: Now this is my kind of spiritual retreat!
• Lorne sings 'not easy being green' and 'lady marmelade'
• Lee to Lorne: tell me or another girl gets a pink slip
• Frankly, Lorne, we weren't aware you needed rescuing.
• Angel the slot-jockey
• Lorne explains the literal futures trading scheme
• Boss: take them on the 'desert tour'
• Cordelia: Who are you people?

• Lorne counsels a client
• Angel: I think it's time we came clean. About everything.
• Lorne: Evil's coming, Angel, and it's planning on staying.
• Angel: we have to find Cordelia
• Angel: they weren't after Cordy, they were after Lorne

• Lorne: I'm not a champion. I'm just a regular old karaoke-singing empath demon.
• Gunn: Girl kept me up all night. She's unstoppable.

• Angel to Cordy: All I know is that you are my dearest friend
• Lorne: (re Gunn/Fred/Wes) What I didn't know was that...
• everyone loses their memory
• Fred: probed and explored by naked, helpless body.
• Angel: You want a vampire, then? I guess I'm your man.
• Lorne: Fred, look into your heart. Am I evil?
• Lorne: Always leave 'em wanting more. And stay away from the magic.

• Angel: we need to give Cordy some time to adjust
• Angel: are they giant demon snakes?
• Connor to Angel: Talk to Cordy. Please, dad.
• Gunn: it's been hard, since that thing with her professor
• Gunn to Wesley: Go pool yourself. I'm gonna find my girlfriend.
• I hate to be the little demon that cried apocalypse nowish, but uh...
• Angel: Might wanna hold the gloat, chuckles. We're just getting started.

• I don't remember seeing Angel this down after a fight
• Gunn: Oh good, more bad news.
• Angel: she sent us home.

• Don't interrupt me, I'm brooding.
• Gunn: I don't trust Connor
• Angel: Hi Gwen! Let's go do that super-hero thing.
• What should we do with Manny?
• Wesley: Fred & I think we can get rid of the Beast with a portal

• Gunn: I'm starting to think maybe it's time we meet Angelus
• Fred: I'm not one to turn down a little pep, but I'd much prefer we had a plan.
• Angel to Cordy: you think Angelus is smarter than me?
• Angel to Connor: If anything goes wrong with Angelus, you'll have to kill me
• Gunn: these jokers are walking around with the info about the Beast written on their asses
• Angel: I'll come back. Cordelia, I promise. For you. But first, I gotta do this.

• Wesley: He'll exploit everything Angel knows about me and go for the jugular.
• Angelus: Not like your schoolgirl crush is a secret
• Fred: That's ridiculous! it'd be like sleeping with your own...
• Wesley: Face it, Gunn, you can't give Fred what she needs.
• Cordy: It's better if you don't know what I told Angelus to get him to cooperate
• Angelus: the Beast had girl trouble. Thought I'd be able to help.
• Gunn: The Svea priestesses are in Pacoima
• Wesley: the Beast got there first, slaughtered the entire family

• Lorne: What is succu-bitch doing here?
• Lilah: If the PTB pull through, braid my hair and call me Pollyanna.
• Good to have you back, boss

• what are we waiting for?
• Lorne: 86 on the bloodroot, ladies. Will cloves do?
• Connor: Angel told me. Something goes wrong, I kill him.
• Wes: we need our champion. And I know who can help us get save him.
• Faith: this is a salvage mission, not search and destroy, OK?
• Lorne: Ding dong, the Beast is dead.

• Fred: You don't think Connor and Cordy are still...
• Lorne: Maury's been peddling these fake charms to tourists since L.A. had cable cars, honey.

• Lorne to Wes: tell me you did not shoot that girl full of junk, and then feed her to Angelus.
• Wes: Orpheus... it leads you down to hell. And leaves you there.
• Connor: Faith was brave, and she died in battle.
• (Dream flashback, 1990s) Angelus: a poem: Faith goes gently into that good night
• Connor to Angel: I'm pretty clear about what you need

• Cordy: My baby will be here soon, and then you'll all see
• Angel: Easy Bake. Flop-a-palooza. Woosh. Pop.
• Angel to Wes: I'm sorry for your loss
• Wesley: (translating, badly) I am not a bucket head.
• Magic 8 Ball says: Definitely

• Gunn: Guy steps out for a few hours, half the place goes super-villain.
• Skip: Cordelia was chosen to become a higher being because she's such a pure, radiant saint. Puh-lease!
• Fred: Angel's really gonna do it. He's gonna kill Cordelia.

• Angel: We don't want to kill her. We just want to find her so we can worship her.
• Jasmine: in the beginning, before the time of man...
• dramatic decrease in southland murders
• Connor to Jasmine: I don't deserve to be so happy. I betrayed my Dad, hurt people...
• Fred: Don't come near me, or I'll kill Lorne!
• Angel: We have to kill Fred. There's no other way.

• Angel to Jasmine: How do you always know exactly what each person needs to hear
• Jasmine to Fred, via passersby: There's nowhere to run, dear. My love is all around you.
• Lorne: tonight is open mic night, share your personal joy about good Queen Jasmine!
• Jasmine: Fred infected Angel. By trying to save her, I lost him. We must eradicate their hate.
• Angel: it's not like Cordelia will feel it, right?
• Lorne: Tonight, the role of Judas Iscariot will be played by Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok Clan

• Gunn: That's right. It's the big, bad free will gang, gassin' up!
• Angel: Forget about Cordelia. We all have to now. We don't have a choice.
• Wesley: I miss the warmth and the knowing what's right
• Gunn: Tommy Golden's little brother? Randall? This punk stole my car when he was 12 years old.
• We're professional monster killers. Let's go get professional on this evil son-of-a-bitch's ass.
• the Bug Creature attacks
• Golden to Angel: You're one of them.
• Lorne: And that's why when we use words like 'ugly-ass' and 'beastie'....
• Jasmine and Connor find the gang
• Wesley: Someone who knows the truth has to live through this. Angel, that's you.

• Jasmine: it was a trial run. I won't make that mistake again.
• Wesley: Gee, I hope Jasmine hasn't eaten Cordy, Connor. Too bad there's now way of knowing...
• Wes: Cordelia might be our only hope to stop Jasmine.
• Something big went down here. oh, and here's its head.

• Lilah: this is the offer of a lifetime. Just not, you know... mine.
• Angel: before the limo ride's even over, you'll be corrupted
• Lorne: So it's an evil limo. I get that, but does that mean we don't restock the cherries?
• Lilah: Come on, Charlie. Let me show you around the chocolate factory.

• Eve: The most powerful evil around has given a pivotal position over to its sworn enemies. You're not scared, are you?
• Angel: We're doing the right thing...right?
• Lorne conducts W&H Employee Evaluation Session 2D
• Angel: Fries said 'drop the bomb'. We don't know what that means.
• Harmony: the special ops team already left for the school.
• Lorne to Wes: oh, and here I thought we were desperate
• Angel: meanwhile, we deal with whatever comes next. (poof, Spike appears)

• Spike: What the bloody hell is happening?!
• Lorne: Honey of a story. I see Depp and Bloom.
• Spike to Angel: You! This is your fault.

• Fred: Turns out running a company doesn't leave a lot of time for, you know, covert ops.
• Lorne: you're attacked by a werewolf, red light, green light, same diff.
• Lorne to Angel: your punches are getting sloppy, and we've got the bruises to prove it.
• Lorne: Just order the usual, Fredikins. Angel's buying!

• Lorne: Just put the pills down. I'll straighten this out.

• Lorne: Don't worry, I've pulled the big boy out of many a brood-fest.
• Lorne's Mirror Image: The show stops for no demon, Lorne. They're counting on you.
• Angel: OK, why does it look like we're having a party in here?
• Lorne to Fred & Wes: Et tu, Brutuses? Why is it so hard to get anyone to have any fun around here?
• Lorne to Gunn: it's time for you to spread your wings, legal eagle.
• Angel: Come on, what, do they think I'm throwing this thing so I can slaughter them?
• Lorne to Angel: This is something I can do. I believe it has a purpose that can help you, even if you don't.
• Sebassis: Well... in light of this amusing chat, I will come to the gala
• Lorne: Mingle!
• Devlin: I proud my honor roll student. My other car a Lamborghini.
• Fred & Wes: this really isn't our element, Lorne. We're wallflowers.
• Angel: I'm busy. I'm brooding. My team is losing.
• Angel to Sebassis: And you look just— well, I don't have to tell you how awesome you look. You know how awesome you look!
• Gunn: You had Wolfram & Hart remove your sleep? Lorne... that's great!
• Angel to Eve: This seems a little sudden. I mean, do you even have a last name?
• OK, something is definitely wrong with this picture.
• Angel: And, Eve, you stay here with me, we'll have more sex.
• Sebassis: Dress yourself, Angel. You have a public execution to attend.
• Lorne: Wow, I must really hate myself.
• Harmony: Oh, my God! They shot Lorney-tunes.
• Lorne: It's—it's hard. It's hard being the host of the party. Yeah.

• Lorne: Fred! Fred, sweetie, you're sorta like a woman....
• Spike: Didja hear? Angel attacked the old mail guy.

• Wesley: We take our work here very seriously.
• Wesley: I find it hard to think straight when my father's around.

• Lorne: Before I could get to, What's wrong with this picture? He clocks me right in the coconut.

• Angel to Harmony: Called a zero tolerance policy, not a maybe this once policy. Nobody in this office gets away with murder
• Spike to Angel: I thought I'd push off, seeing as how I got somebody waiting for me.
• Fred: You're saying this whole thing started over a fork faux pas?
• Harmony: I'm totally sorry I have to do this, and you guys are being super understanding. I so owe you guys dinner.

• Dream: Fred: Spike, you single-handedly ended Armageddon and turned the world into a beautiful, happily-ever-after, candy mountain place where all our dreams come true.
• Dream: Lorne to Angel: Everything hurts, and then we die. Or in your case, everything hurts and then you go on and on and on and on
• Dream: Wes to Angel: You can stay as long as you like. Stay forever.

• Gunn to Angel: Move against Eve without solid proof and it could end in a long, bloody fight.
• Andrew: 6 months ago, Buffy, Vampyr Slayer extraordinaire, had her lesbian witch make with the beaucoup de magie. All the potentials became slayers.
• Angel: Witnesses say it was like she was looking for something. We have to figure out what.
• Hardwood floors. Central air. Real Charmer. Of course, the walls *do* scream with the blood of the innocent.
• Angel: Search her files, talk to the contacts, raise the dead. Start crackin' the whip!
• Angel: Lorne, any luck with the psychics on this place?

• Angel: I can't do this anymore. I quit.
• everybody says 'hi' to Cordy
• Eve: I don't know what it is, exactly, but the failsafe is huge and alive... and specifically designed to destroy you.
• Lorne: Look. Uh... I think I'm making some right now.
• Fred: We should all go get a drink. We haven't done that in...ever.

• Angel: It can wait till morning. Eve's vanished. Let's end on a high note.

• Lorne to Angel: Nina definitely wants a piece of Angel cake.
• Angel: I met this guy with a towel over his head, and something exploded! I woke up like this.
• Framkin: We have a song here at Smile Time that reminds me of your courage and pluck. It's called 'Courage and Pluck'
• Lorne to Angel: My little prince! What did they do to you?

• Wesley RE: Fred: Get medical. Someone get medical NOW!
• Fred: It's my boys.
• I'll say it anyway. Winifred Burkle. Go.
• Eve: I wanna help. I swear to you. I've got nothing against Fred.
• Angel: Come on. Let's save the day.

• Gunn: The sarcophagus was stuck in customs and it should have stayed there, but someone got it out.

• Lorne: I think the term Happy Hour should be banned from the English language. There's nothing happy about this hour or any other.
• Angel: I don't care if he's in toy poodles on parade hell. Lindsey's got information that we need.
• Lorne to Eve: This thing coming after you, how bad on a scale of, say, one to Terminator?
• Hamilton: sorry for the intrusion. I'm Marcus Hamilton, your new liaison to the senior partners.
• Lindsey: The war's here, Angel. And you're already 2 soldiers down.

• Lorne to Gunn: Oh, God, don't go in Wes' office! That's where he keeps his full-strength crazy.
• Spike: OK, the upshot is you don't like Babe the Blue Ox in your house, and you want to get rid of her.
• Amanda: their entire nation believes my child is their next, you know, like the Dalai Lama. They're gonna worship him.
• Lorne: I repeat, bluebird got wise. Secret Demon's cover is blown.
• Gunn: And on the eve of his 13th year, he will be prepared for the rites of Gordabach.
• Illyria to Angel: Ridiculous apes. My death won't prevent your dying. What have you done to me?!
• Spike & Wes to Angel: We're thinking that Illyria cracked her engine block and now she's leakin' petrol all over the building.
• Wesley: Illyria, this device will draw the energy away from you safely. It will allow you to live.

• Illyria: This fate is worse than death. Condemned to live out existence in a vessel incapable of sustaining my true glory.
• Roger Burkle: So where is that prodigal daughter? Out saving the world with that nice Angel fella?

• Angel: Actually, Wes, Hamilton and I are kind of in the middle of something. Why don't you try me later?
• Are you saying that Angel was responsible for what happened to Fred?
• Angel: There is one thing in this business, in this apocalypse that we call a world that matters: Power.
• Lorne: Angel's seen real power, and he's not looking away. He's gonna go for it, Wes.
• Lindsey: To be a Black Thorn is to be the senior partners' instrument on Earth. Doesn't get bigger than that.
• Angel: We can't bring down the senior partners, but for one bright, shining moment, we can show them that they don't own us.

• we're all one big happy Manson family.
• Lorne: our fearless leader has fearlessly lost it. We could be next.
• Angel: We're killing them all tonight.
• Lorne: If I ruled the world / Every day would be the first day of spring
• game plan
• Lorne: One last job. You're not part of the solution, Lindsey. You never will be.