[8]

(Bar. Xander goes over to the drunken intellectuals)

XANDER: Alright, time to pay up and go home guys.

(They throw money at him. Guy#1 leaves to go to the washroom. )

XANDER: Let's see, I'll take this one, and this one. And you know I've always had a problem calculating the tip and you guys being so dapper and brain, maybe you can help me out. Okay great. See if your bill comes to thirty-eight dollars and people tip what, approximately thirty percent? That makes you tip what?

(One of the guys gives him all the money).

XANDER: You are so smart. This is so the right amount.

(Hears banging in the bathroom)

XANDER: Somebody didn't have their fiber today. Hey are you alright in there? Buddy?

(Guy#1 bursts out of the bathroom. He has become a Neanderthal. He conks Xander over the head with a club.)

[9]

XANDER: (jumping up): Hey, hey, easy. We're cool. Help. Oh God. (He pulls out his Zippo lighter and lights it. The Neanderthals are all afraid of the fire and back away)

NG#1: Fire bad. Fire pretty.

XANDER: Fire angry!

(They all run away out the door in fear. Xander closes the door behind them and calls his boss)

XANDER: Jack! Jack! We've got a problem. The guys they... they're... some of the patrons are turning into cavemen

Jack: They had it comin'.

[10]

(we see some neanderthal hijinks before cutting back to the bar)

Jack: You know I've been taking abuse from snot nosed kids for twenty years. They're always coming in here with their snotty attitude, drinking their fruity little micro brews and spouting out some philosophy. Like it means a damn thing. Thinking they're different than us.

XANDER: They are now.

Jack: They ain't. That's the great thing about beer. It makes all men the same.

XANDER: Why are we talking about beer? The guys are... the beer.

Jack: Neat, huh? My brother-in-law's a warlock. He showed me how to do it.

XANDER: No. No neat. *I* served them that beer. I served *Buffy* that beer! Uh, how much beer would you say a person would need to consume before they start seriously questing for fire?

Jack: Relax. It will wear off in a day or so.

XANDER: In a day or so someone could get killed. You're a bad, bad man.

(he runs out the door.)

(Cut to outside. The Neanderthals see cars. One stands in the middle of the road and gets hit by a car. He is seriously injured. The driver jumps out to see if he's okay.)

Car guy: I didn't see him, is he okay?

(He sees what they are and runs away in fear. The other cavemen smash the car, then chase some girls down the street while the injured one remains on the street in pain.)

written by: Tracey Forbes; Transcribed by Lilybunny (lilybunny@hotmail.com). Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/61beerbad.html