WARREN: All right, I think we've finished the first part, now it's time for Phase Two. Is the van fired up?

JONATHAN: Check.

(they head out, but Spike barges menacingly in)

ANDREW: Hello, it's called knocking.

SPIKE: Knock knock, robot boy. (knocks on Warren's head) Need you to look at my chip.

JONATHAN: Is that like, British slang or something? 'Cause we're not-

SPIKE: In my head, the chip in my head.

WARREN: We're kind of in the middle of something.

SPIKE: Well, you can play holodeck another time. Right now, I'm in charge.

WARREN: Yeah, what are you gonna do if we don't especially feel like maybe playing your- What are, wait, what are you doing?

(Spike picks up a Boba Fett action figure)

SPIKE: Examine my chip, or else Mister... (looks at the label on the stand) ...Fett here is the first to die.

JONATHAN: Hey, all right, let's not, let's not do anything crazy here.

ANDREW: That's a limited edition, 1979 mint condition Boba Fett.

WARREN: All right, dude ... chill. You can still make it right. You know you don't wanna do this.

SPIKE: What I want ... is answers, nimrod.

WARREN: Right. But you don't wanna hurt the Fett, 'cause man, you're *not* comin' back from that. You know, you don't just do that and walk away.

SPIKE: That right? Let's find out.

WARREN: Wah, uh, one second.

(geek conference)

ANDREW: Dudes, I think that's Spike.

JONATHAN: Of course it is, and he's evil. Completely capable of removing that head.

WARREN: I'm gonna help him out.

JONATHAN: Are you sure we can trust him? I mean, we all have heads too.

WARREN: See, we help him, and he owes us one. See, we get Spike on our side, we get info on Buffy. And maybe, maybe we can even find a way to keep her out of Phase Two.

ANDREW: Jonathan's right, can we trust him?

WARREN: 'Course not. But alliances aren't about trust. See, he needs us, we need him. (nods) Well, that's how these things work. I think we're ready. Agreed?

JONATHAN: Agreed.

ANDREW: Do what you need to do.

WARREN: (to Spike) I think we can work something out. I'll take a look at your chip. It'll be a deal. We scratch your back, you scratch-

SPIKE: I'm not scratching your anything. You do what I tell you, that's the deal. Deal?

WARREN: (sighs) Deal.

SPIKE: Then let's go. (tosses Fett to Andrew)

ANDREW: Oh! It's okay, it's okay. It'll be fine.

• Buffy vs the Legion of Dorkness (Trio)
• Spike & Andrew
• Spike's defanging

written by: Drew Z. Greenberg; transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com); action descriptions shortned by me. . Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/109smashed.html