ANGEL: She asked me to breakfast.

WESLEY: Breakfast. Right. How did you respond?

ANGEL: Well... of course, I—ahem— ignored it completely, changed the subject, and locked her in a cage.

WESLEY: Sorry. What?

ANGEL: Wes, it wasn't just breakfast. You know, it was, uh... breakfast. I mean, here we had this very good, very platonic thing going on, and then all of a sudden, out of the blue—

WESLEY: Are you blind? Angel, there are things called signals. Odorless, yes. Invisible, certainly, but unmistakable, like the ones she's been casting your way for months.

ANGEL: No. I would have noticed—

WESLEY: This isn't just from me. This comes from people who know. This comes from the ladies.

ANGEL: The ladies?

WESLEY: Fred, Harmony... the girls in transcription. As Harmony put it, Why else would a chick who's coming to spend 3 nights in a jail cell dress like it's her first date?

ANGEL: Oh, God. The ladies are right. Nina's down there right now, turning into a werewolf and liking me. I don't—can't— I have no time for that kind of— I have no right. I mean, look, we all know what happens if—

WESLEY: If what? If you achieve a moment of perfect happiness?

ANGEL: I turn back into Angelus, and we don't want that. (Wesley scoffs) What?

WESLEY: 99.999-ad infinitum percent of the best relationships in the recorded history of the world have had to make do with acceptable happiness.

ANGEL: Look, Wes—

WESLEY: Hiding behind your gypsy curse when there's a beautiful, engaging —- all right, occasionally hirsute —- young woman who actually wants you?

ANGEL: Wes, it's not gonna happen.

WESLEY: Why?

ANGEL: Because I'm not that guy. That guy is charming and funny and... emotionally useful. I'm the guy in a dark corner with the blood habit and the 200 years of psychic baggage.

WESLEY: Get over it!

ANGEL: Why are you yelling at me?

WESLEY: Because! (softer) Angel... if there's a woman out there... who you find truly attractive, who you think about, let's say, most of the time, who represents even part of what you think makes the world worth fighting for and who doesn't view you as an entirely sexless shoulder to lean on...you have to do something about it.

ANGEL: Who are we talking about here?

(Wes looks down, the looks over Angel's shoulder toward the door)

WESLEY: (seeing her enter) Fred.

FRED: Hey, guys. I—I think I have a case.

ANGEL & WESLEY: Thank God!

FRED: Children's epidemic. 7 kids, comatose, each with a semi-rictus of the facial muscles. I haven't been able to isolate a causative agent.

WESLEY: You think it's mystical.

FRED: Well, I've been down the strictly physiological route, number-crunched all the victims' charts, even had our hospital contacts send over blood samples. I've pulled all their plasma apart. No indicators on the cellular or subcellular levels.

ANGEL: TV.

FRED: What?

ANGEL: Parents said all the kids collapsed between 7:00 and... looks like 7:30 A.M. And all of them in front of the TV.

FRED: Huh. That could be something, but I'd still like to get a handle on the pathology.

ANGEL: Good. I'll—I'll follow up on this lead. (over-enthusiastically) I'll need to clear my schedule. These kids need help. (walks out)

• Angel & Wesley

written by: Joss Whedon & Ben Edlund; Original transcript by CariCranberry. Edited & formatted by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season5/transcripts/5x14_tran.php