ANYA: I think we died in this car on the way to the airport, and now we're stuck in hell.

XANDER: The radio said no traffic.

ANYA: It's a hell radio, of course it said that. We'll never get to the airport in time to pick up your stupid uncle.

XANDER: It just gives my uncle Rory more time at the bar. Trust me, he'll be happy.

ANYA: Great. So he can sleep off his drunken stupor on our newly re- upholstered couch.

XANDER: He can't afford a hotel.

ANYA: Why are you defending him?

XANDER: I'm not. I hate my uncle. I hate my whole family. That's why I'm marrying you, to start a new family. Have children, make them hate us, then one day they'll get married, we'll sleep on their couch. It's the circle of life.

ANYA: Well, the Gnarals are teleporting in in twenty minutes. If I'm not there to greet them? Somebody's getting incinerated.

XANDER: Why did we ever agree to have your friends, who are demons, and my family, who are monsters, stay at our place?

ANYA: Well, I can only do so much, Xander. Planning this marriage is like staging the invasion of Normandy.

XANDER: Without the laughs. We should have eloped.

ANYA: No! I've been through too much planning this wedding, and it is *going* to happen. It is going to be our perfect, perfect day if I have to kill every one of our guests and half this town to do it.

XANDER: Mm. (looks at her bag of chips) Cool Ranch?

ANYA: Cajun Fiesta.

(Xander grabs the bag.)

• Xander & Anya

written by: Douglas Petrie; transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com). action descriptions shortened by me. . Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/115asyouwere.html