(Cut to Spike asleep in his crypt. A ray of sunshine falls on his face as the door opens. He screams and jumps up to find Buffy)

SPIKE: (sarcastically) Oh, it's the Slayer. For a second there I was worried.

(He starts to rub his eyes sleepily, pauses and looks over at the other end of the crypt. Shot of Dawn and Joyce standing by the door.)

SPIKE: So, what's with the family outing?

BUFFY: I need your help.

SPIKE: Great. I need your cash.

BUFFY: I'm serious. (intently) You have to look after them.

SPIKE: Well, that's a boatload of manly responsibility to come flying out of nowhere. What's the matter, Slayer? You're not feeling a hundred percent?

BUFFY: (frowns) No.

SPIKE: (frowns) They didn't put a chip in your head, did they?

BUFFY: No!

SPIKE: Be funny if they did.

BUFFY: (annoyed) Spike, I need an answer. Now. In or out? (quietly) You're the only one strong enough to protect them.

(beat)

SPIKE: All right then.

(he calls to Joyce and Dawn)

SPIKE: Ladies... Come on in. There's plenty of blood in the fridge.

DAWN: Do you mean like, real blood?

SPIKE: What do you think?

DAWN: Mostly I think "ew."

BUFFY: (to Joyce) Keep Dawn here as long as you can. I'll be back soon.

JOYCE: Okay.

BUFFY: (walks over to Spike) I don't think I need to remind you, but-

SPIKE: Yeah, yeah, "anything happens to 'em I'll stake you good and proper." Sing me a new one sometime, eh? That bit's gone stale.

(Buffy leaves. Spike, Dawn, and Joyce stand around looking uncomfortable.)

JOYCE: I, I love what you've, um, neglected to do with the place.

SPIKE: Just don't break anything.

(he goes to turn on the TV)

SPIKE: And don't make a lot of noise. Passions is coming on.

JOYCE: Passions? Oh, do you think Timmy's really dead?

SPIKE: Oh!

(he gestures to his armchair. He and Joyce each sit on one arm)

SPIKE: No, no, she can just sew him back together. He's a doll, for god's sake.

JOYCE: Uh, what about the wedding? I mean, there's no way they're gonna go through with that.

(Dawn makes an exasperated face, walks off.)

• Buffy & Spike
• Funnies
• Joyce & Spike

written by: Douglas Petrie and Jane Espenson; Transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com).. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/90checkpoint.html