SPIKE: Well, looky here. I don't usually use the word delicious... ...but I've gotta wager this little tableau must sting a bit, eh? Me and your former? Must kill. What can I say? Girl just needs a little monster in her man.

RILEY: That's not why I'm here ... Doctor.

BUFFY: Oh god. (goes off to dress)

SPIKE: Here I thought we'd run you out of town, mate. Last time I saw you, if memory serves, you were getting the juice sucked out of you by some undead ladies of very questionable reputation. Now, be a good tin soldier and, uh... (makes a "go-away" gesture)

RILEY: Where are they ... Doctor?

SPIKE: Where are what, and why do you keep calling me that?

RILEY: Glad to be back in Sunnydale. The locals all speak English, and I know who to beat for information. It's all brought me here.

SPIKE: Look, crew cut. She's not your bint any more. And if I can speak frankly, she always had a little thing for me, even when she was shagging you.

RILEY: Nice. That's very distracting. Now tell me, before I get unprofessional... ...where are the eggs, Spike?

SPIKE: Eggs? (scoffs) You're off your nut. It must be those drugs they were keeping you on. I did warn you.

RILEY: Okay. We can do this the hard way, or we can do this the fatal way. (punches him) Where are the eggs?

(Buffy returns)

BUFFY: Look, the Doctor, it can't be Spike.

SPIKE: No need to defend me, luv.

(Buffy punches him in the face as well.)

BUFFY: Look, i-it can't be, okay? He-he's too incompetent. It's just Spike, Riley.

RILEY: Right. Deadly ... amoral ... opportunistic. Or have you forgotten? I'm taking this place apart until I find that nest.

SPIKE: Over my dead body.

RILEY: I've seen enough of your dead body for one night, thanks.

• Buffy & Spike
• Riley vs Spike

written by: Douglas Petrie; transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com). action descriptions shortened by me. . Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/115asyouwere.html