CORDELIA: Boy, of all the humiliations you've had I've witnessed, that was the latest.

XANDER: I could've taken him.

CORDELIA: Oh, please. O'Toole would macrame' your face. He is a psycho. Which is still a lot cooler than being a wuss.

XANDER: Why is it that I've come face-to-face with vampires, demons, the most hideous creatures Hell ever spit out, and I'm still afraid of a little bully like Jack O'Toole?

CORDELIA: Because, unlike all those creatures that you've come face-to- face with, Jack actually noticed you were there.

XANDER: Why am I surprised by how comforting you're not?

CORDELIA: It must be really hard when all your friends have, like, superpowers -- Slayer, werewolf, witches, vampires -- and you're, like, this little nothing. You must feel like Jimmy Olsen.

XANDER: I was just talking to... Hey, mind your own business!

CORDELIA: Ooo, I struck a nerve. The boy that had no cool.

XANDER: I happen to be an integral part of that group. I happen to have a *lot* to offer.

CORDELIA: Oh, please.

XANDER: I do!

CORDELIA: 'Integral part' of the group? Xander, you're the, the *useless* part of the group. You're the Zeppo. 'Cool.' Look it up. It's something that a sub-literate that's repeated twelfth grade three times has, and you don't.

(walks off)

CORDELIA: (to herself) There was no part of that that wasn't fun.

• Scoobies
• Xander & Cordelia

written by: Dan Vebber; Transcribed by: AleXander Thompson. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/47zeppo.html