XANDER: Incompetently-dubbed kung fu. Our most valuable Chinese import.

ANYA: Much more durable than their hot plates.

(Riley leans forward to rub Buffy's shoulders.)

RILEY: Just relax.

BUFFY: Mm ... mm. That feels good.

(Xander looks at them, cracks his knuckles, and puts his hands on Anya's shoulders. )

ANYA: Ow! What are you doing? I have a dislocated shoulder!

(Xander stops rubbing. Riley stops rubbing Buffy's shoulders too.)

ANYA: I'm trying to concentrate on the kicking movie.

BUFFY: Hey! Rubbing went away.

(Riley starts rubbing again.)

RILEY: Oh ... sorry, I got caught up in the action. (gesturing at TV)

BUFFY: Yeah, it's pretty good.

(On screen, the fighting continues. )

BUFFY: Oh, give me a break! This is all wrong. See, first you would get the big guy, with a flying kick. Then you would take out all the little ones, bam, ba- see, now with the flying kick. (scornfully) From a dead stop! What's powering it, raw enthusiasm?

RILEY: Hey Buff, maybe you oughta leave the work behind sometimes. You're not always on slayer duty, you know?

BUFFY: It would drive you crazy if we were watching an army movie and they were all saluting backwards and ... invading all willy-nilly.

(More shouting and banging from upstairs. Xander and Anya shift uncomfortably. Riley coughs.)

BUFFY: And anyway, I mean, you know, you can't blame me for being critical. Willow's the same way when we watch a, a movie about witches, right Xander?

XANDER: (distracted) What? Oh yeah, she's all like, "What's that, a cauldron? Who uses a cauldron any more?"

(cut to a demon, stirring a cauldron)

TOTH: The last step in thy forging is my pain ... the price with which I purchase ... the death of the slayer.

(He has some kind of rod or stick in his hand. He plunges it into the cauldron, along with his hand. He screams in pain.)

• Buffy & Riley
• Slayerhood

written by: Jane Espenson; Transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com).. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/81thereplacement.html