JONATHAN: The Slayer always knows what she's doing. Sharp. Decisive. Always with a plan. (louder) We're never gonna become the crime lords of Sunnydale with her always one step ahead of us.

WARREN: Well, that's why we're throwing these tests at her, seeing which one of us can shake her up the most, maybe find a weakness or two. (re van) She's ready.

JONATHAN: Sweet. Run me through it.

WARREN: Ah. We got nine high-resolution surveillance cameras hooked in, super-wide angle, infrared, auto-iris, plus six types of audio matrix monitoring... that's filtered through a dual quad DVS system, and a...

JONATHAN: Yeah, yeah, fine, just tell me. Are you sure with all of this stuff that we'll be able to watch Buffy without her noticing us?

WARREN: Absolutely. I mean, she'll never even know- (see Andrew air-brushing the Death Star on the side of the van) W-what the hell is that?

ANDREW: Death Star, dude! Wicked, huh?

JONATHAN: Thermal exhaust port's *above* the main port, numb-nuts. ANDREW: For your information, I'm using the Empire's revised designs from Return of the Jedi.

JONATHAN: That's a flawed design!

WARREN: Guys! Okay, the thing is, since we're messing with the Slayer, who could pummel the three of us into a sludgy substance, it might be a good idea for us to (yelling) NOT draw attention to ourselves!

ANDREW: I could paint over it if you want.

WARREN: Yeah, well, do that! Because this time tomorrow, the games begin. And the Slayer ... will never even know what hit her.

• Buffy vs the Legion of Dorkness (Trio)

written by: David Fury and Jane Espenson; transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com). action descriptions shortened by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/105lifeserial.html