(late at night. Fred wanders into her lab, passing a worker exiting)

FRED: Oh! Good night.

MAN: Good night.

(suddenly, she screams)

SPIKE: How long did you know I was there?

(dropping the fake fright act)

FRED: Uh, just since the lobby. But that popping up behind me was really scary. Look, I dropped my papers.

SPIKE: Nice touch.

FRED: Thanks.

SPIKE: I'd give you a hand with that, but...

FRED: Still no interaction?

SPIKE: Not a twinge. Can't spirit the knickknacks about. Can't willie the locals. Bloody sad ghost I turned out.

FRED: I've told you before you're not a ghost.

SPIKE: Chipper. Give us a hug. (holds out his arms)

FRED: You know what I mean. You're more than a common spectral disturbance. I've never seen anything like you.

(scans Spike)

SPIKE: Bet you say that to all the spirits.

FRED: Oh, your radiant heat signature's dropped another .02 degrees.

SPIKE: Thought it was a bit nippy.

FRED: Is everything? ... are you?

SPIKE: Feeling the tug of eternal damnation? Maybe that's why I can't touch anything. Using all my mentalies just to keep from slipping into hell.

FRED: I won't let that happen. I've been working on a theory. Well, more of a hunch, actually, but I think I'm getting close.

SPIKE: To making me a real boy again?

FRED: Heh. As real as a vampire with a soul can be. It won't be like Angel's thing with the prophecy, but...

SPIKE: What prophecy?

FRED: The shan-shoe-ha something or 'nother. Says that if Angel helps enough people, he gets to be human again.

SPIKE: Oh. Really. Goody for him.

FRED: Ah! That totally makes sense.

SPIKE: What does?

FRED: The fluctuations in your readings. Lack of particle cohesion. It's almost as if your essence is straddling a dimensional void, which may be the key, assuming that the amulet you used to save the world is some sort of trans-reality amplifier capable of focusing massive quantities of mystical energy.

SPIKE: And what in the King's English does that mean to the dearly almost departed?

FRED: It means that if I can defy most of the laws of nature, there's a good chance I'll be able to anchor you to this plane and make you corporeal.

SPIKE: Well... might be a hug in your future after all.

(tries to lean on the nearby lab desk, but falls through and disappears)

FRED: Spike?

• Spike & Fred
• Spike's ghosthood

written by: Steven S. DeKnight; Original transcript by CariCranberry. Edited & formatted by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season5/transcripts/5x04_tran.php