(Polo, who's got a cigarette tucked behind his left ear, pours whiskey from a Jack Daniels flask into his Smile Time logo coffee mug.)

POLO: OK. Which one of you short-bus bastards turned the C.E.O. of Wolfram & Hart into a puppet?

GROOFUS: Uh...

PUPPET GIRL: Well...

RATIO HORNBLOWER: (toot)

POLO: What do you mean, it wasn't us?

RATIO HORNBLOWER: (toot toot toot)

GROOFUS: Ratio's right, man. This Angel cat must've been the dude that broke into the Don't room last night.

RATIO HORNBLOWER: (toot)

GROOFUS: That's what I'm sayin'. He messed with the nest egg.

POLO: Stupid jackass! Might as well walk into a nuclear reactor and lick the core! I mean, anything could've happened to him! To us, to... You just don't mess around with the nest egg!

PUPPET GIRL: Well, maybe we should take the spell off a couple of our workers you know, so they could actually see an intruder?

GROOFUS: Yeah. Damn zombies can't even work a camera!

POLO: Doesn't matter. The nest egg's already got enough power in it to keep our cloaking spells up and running, make our connections with the kiddies, even turn this Angel guy into a puppet.

PUPPET GIRL: Which is definitely gonna bite us in the ass.

POLO: Then we make sure our ass ain't there to bite.

PUPPET GIRL: Wha?

POLO: Ratio has perfected our little system.

RATIO HORNBLOWER: (toot)

POLO: Tomorrow we go on the air, and instead of draining one brat's life force at a time, we can take our whole demographic in one fell swoop.

GROOFUS: Yeah! So tomorrow's gonna be a pretty big show, huh?

POLO: The biggest.

GROOFUS: Cool. 'Cause I've been workin' on this great new song about the difference between analogy and metaphor?

(Polo throws his coffee mug at Groofus, hitting him in the head)

GROOFUS: Man!

POLO: Are you out of your mind?!

GROOFUS: Well, we want it to be good, don't we?

POLO: We eat babies' lives!

GROOFUS: And uphold a certain standard of quality edu-tainment.

POLO: Screw edu-tainment! The life force we're pulling out of these snotnose kids is 100% pure innocence, dickwad! You have any idea of the street value that carries down in hell?

RATIO HORNBLOWER: (toot)

POLO: Damn right we're gonna be rich. Enough to build our very own Hades.

GROOFUS: Well, I gotta admit I like the sound of that.

PUPPET GIRL: (nods) Mm-hmm.

POLO: After tomorrow's harvest, we're gonna torch this craphole and blow town before the rafters fall.

FRAMKIN: (weakly) Please, let me...

POLO: (thwacks Framkin on the arm) Someone say you could join in?

FRAMKIN: Let me die...

PUPPET GIRL: Oh! (laughs)

POLO: Are you sayin' you wanna talk to the hand? Oh, I think he does. Come on, fat boy. Why don't you talk to the hand!

(shoves his hand into the puppet hole in Framkin's lower back)

FRAMKIN: (sits upright, gasps in agony) Aah!

(All laugh.)

GROOFUS: Make him swallow his tongue again!

PUPPET GIRL: That was a good one!

GROOFUS: Yeah!

(The puppets all laugh while Polo tortures Framkin.)

written by: Joss Whedon & Ben Edlund; Original transcript by CariCranberry. Edited & formatted by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season5/transcripts/5x14_tran.php