(Cordelia and Angel notice a guard blocking the stage door)

CORDELIA: Check out the zeppelin.

ANGEL: Awful lot of muscle for a ballet company.

CORDELIA: You want I should distract him? Make with the nice, nice while you slip by?

ANGEL: Don't be stupid. I'm that guy and the most beautiful girl I've ever seen is making eyes at me? It's either bachelor party or a scam.

CORDELIA: What did you just call me?

ANGEL: I'm sorry. You're not stupid.

CORDELIA: No. After that.

ANGEL: I think I'll just have to go with my patented sudden burst of violence.

CORDELIA: Hey, hold on. I think I might have an approach that is a little more subtle.

(cut to a little bit later)

CORDELIA: (to Guard) Hey! Do you like bribes?

GUARD: Do I ever.

CORDELIA: Well, we *really* wanna go backstage.

GUARD: Yeah, okay, but this isn't so much a bribe as it is a tip. And since I'm not parking your car, there's really no way that...

(Suddenly, Angel knocks him out)

ANGEL: Okay. That's how we do it.

• Cordelia & Angel
• Funnies

written by: Joss Whedon; I typed these up myself this afternoon (2/8/02) since I couldn't find a transcript. Spell checked the next day.... Full transcript at: