CORDELIA: Ooh, classy! Okay, now what?

ANGEL: All right. Look, let's split up. Look for someone that might be in trouble.

DOYLE: Or for something that's about to cause it.

BARTENDER: What can I get you?

ANGEL: Um, I'm just wondering, have you noticed anything unusual tonight?

BARTENDER: Unusual?

ANGEL: Yeah, you know, out of the ordinary...possibly even...dangerous?

BARTENDER: Don't worry. It's early yet. The real hot women don't mosey in until around eleven.

CORDELIA: (hopping from table to table) Hi! If you're in trouble, just call this number. We can help. Hi. Being harassed by someone or something? Just dial us up, day or night. You look troubled. Are you troubled?--or is that just your lazy eye? Anyway, call us, we are very discreet. Hi, how are you?

DOYLE: Hey, hey, hey! This isn't a marketing seminar here, princess. You've got to stay a bit more below radar.

CORDELIA: What radar?

DOYLE: The police? You know the service our friend Angel provides--might put some people in mind of the V-word.

CORDELIA: Vampire?

DOYLE: No, Vigilante. You know there are laws against this. You need to chat people up a little more casual like. You know, hi, what's your name? How's life treatin' ye? What's that you say? Minions from hell gettin' you down?

CORDELIA: I'm an actress, a student of the human animal. I don't need to talk to people to know their story.

CORDELIA: You see jazz-hands over there? Mama's boy. Peter Pan complex. Self-absorbed closet-dud, with a big 'the world owes me' chip on her shoulder. Check out Sarah-plain-and-tall. Has or comes from big money.

DOYLE: How do you know all that?

CORDELIA: Well, you've got to be rich to snag the Calvin Kline model she's leaving with.

DOYLE: Yeah, well, they're all riveting insights and such, but we need to find someone that's in trouble?

CORDELIA: How's Angel doing?

ANGEL: (to a woman) No seriously, I wasn't hitting on you!

• Cordelia's unique world views

written by: David Fury; Originally transcribed by anonymous. Edited, formatted and checked by M'lyn.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season1/transcripts/02_tran.shtml