(Illyria sends Spike flying)

ILLYRIA: You break so easily. Why do you bother getting back up?

SPIKE: Right. We need to set some ground rules. First off--

(makes a wide hand-gesture signaling an invisible wall between them)

SPIKE: no more punching me in the face.

(points at her)

SPIKE: Secondly, when I punch you in the face, you tell me how you feel so I can write that down on my clipboard.

(bends to pick up his clipboard from the floor)

SPIKE: Third--no touching my clipboard.

(holds up 4 fingers)

SPIKE: Fourth--

ILLYRIA: I enjoy hurting you.

SPIKE: Well, we're gonna have to fix that, 'cause--

(Illyria suddenly kicks him the face. He punches her, but she's unphazed. She sends him flying and he collapses near the door just as Wes walks in)

WESLEY: (lto Spike) How goes it?

ILLYRIA: I've been hitting the half-breed. He makes noise.

SPIKE: We're off to a bit of a rough start, but don't worry. I'll break her.

WESLEY: She's not a horse, Spike. You know, this room is equipped with automated training devices, and you don't have to test her by just... allowing her to pummel you.

SPIKE: We're working on the basics. But don't worry-- I'm writing it all down.

WESLEY: OK. Fine.

ILLYRIA: (to Wesley) You reek of frustration. Curls off of you like smoke.

SPIKE: Actually, love, we call that scotch. 12-year Lagavulin, if I'm not mistaken. Good choice.

WESLEY: It's nothing. I'm just, uh... I had a...slight disagreement with Angel.

SPIKE: Oh, old broody-pants got you wound up, eh? Keep in mind, he can't get laid without maybe going crazy. Makes it funny.

ILLYRIA: In my time, a leader would punish your insolence with death.

WESLEY: We're not being insolent, Illyria.

SPIKE: I am.

WESLEY: It's just, uh... I don't always understand Angel.

ILLYRIA: Yet you follow him willingly. You're loyal to him.

WESLEY: He's earned it. I...trust he knows what he's doing.

• Funnies
• Wesley & Illyria

written by: Drew Goddard; Original transcript by CariCranberry. Edited & formatted by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season5/transcripts/5x18_tran.php