SPANKY: (answering the door) So what do you want?

ANGEL: I'm here from Wolfram & Hart. Here about a job.

SPANKY: Well, then....get your butt in here. Pardon the sweaty. I was working out. Uh, you want a drink? I got a pitcher of daiquiris.

ANGEL: I'm good, thanks.

SPANKY: So am I. And I'm about to be better.

(Angel cannot help but notice a wall full of paddles and whips)

ANGEL: Hmm. So tell me... why do they call you Spanky?

SPANKY: I'm a big Our Gang fan.

ANGEL: That's what I figured.

SPANKY: Look, buddy, I'm gonna be up-front with you. I got nothing against people doing their thing. It's a wide and wonderful world, but...I don't spank men. It's not a judgment. Men have fine, firm asses. You've been to the web site, you know how much I work on mine. But when you said Wolfram & Hart, I assumed you were here about a mystical job.

ANGEL: I am. The one you did for Corbin Fries.

SPANKY: Yeah? OK, I don't discuss my old jobs. Mystic-client privilege.

ANGEL: You're gonna tell me what you did for Mr. Fries. Now... or very soon from now.

SPANKY: I built him a container, a mystical vessel. You can put anything you want in it.

ANGEL: Like a bomb.

SPANKY: A bomb, a curse, a golden retriever. Anything. I don't know what he wanted it for. The vessel just holds it until the magic word dissolves the vessel.

ANGEL: OK, then, where'd you place the vessel?

(Spanky grabs Angel in a headlock)

SPANKY: You know what I'm doing now? I'm applying pressure to your windpipe. You'll pass out, and then I'll let Mr. Fries decide if he wants you to wake up again.

ANGEL: Do you know what I'm doing now? Not using my windpipe.

(Angel turns the tables)

SPANKY: Vampire.

ANGEL: Capital V. And there's something else you should know about me.

(he grabs a paddle from the wall)

ANGEL: I have no problem spanking men.

• Funnies

written by: Joss Whedon; Original transcript by CariCranberry. Edited & formatted for this site by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season5/transcripts/5x01_tran2.php