INVISIBLE WARREN: Just stay still, and you won't get hurt.

INVISIBLE BUFFY: You okay, Will?

WILLOW: Buffy?

INVISIBLE BUFFY: Where are the bad guys?

INVISIBLE WARREN: All around you, Slayer, so don't try anything.

WILLOW: He's bluffing, Buffy, there, there's just three of them, I think.

INVISIBLE WARREN: More than enough to cause some serious carnage, right guys? ... Guys? Guys!

INVISIBLE JONATHAN: Kick! Use the kick!

INVISIBLE ANDREW: I tried that, he keeps blocking it with his drunken monkey fist!

INVISIBLE BUFFY: Ooh, scary video carnage.

INVISIBLE WARREN: Hey! Slayer's here.

INVISIBLE ANDREW: Sorry, didn't see her.

INVISIBLE WARREN: Why don't we continue this in a less crowded area, like, over there.

ALL: Where?

INVISIBLE WARREN: Over ... follow me.

INVISIBLE BUFFY: I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess you guys are the ones who did this to me?

INVISIBLE JONATHAN: It was an accident!

INVISIBLE BUFFY: Who's that?

INVISIBLE JONATHAN: (disguised voice) Nobody you know.

WILLOW: They're the ones from your mystery van.

INVISIBLE BUFFY: Oh. You. So what annoying thing are you gonna do to me now?

INVISIBLE WARREN: Save your life, make you visible.

INVISIBLE BUFFY: Right. I'm supposed to believe that?

WILLOW: They told me everything, Buffy. Something's happening to you that, you're-

INVISIBLE BUFFY: Fading away. I know.

INVISIBLE WARREN: I can fix that. Pick up that air hockey mallet on the table.

INVISIBLE BUFFY: What for?

INVISIBLE WARREN: It'll give me a target to aim at.

WILLOW: You're on the wrong setting!

INVISIBLE WARREN: What?

WILLOW: The gun, it's not set for reversing the particle ionization. It'll accelerate her molecular dissolution, I saw the plans!

INVISIBLE WARREN: Mind your own business.

INVISIBLE JONATHAN: What's she talking about?

INVISIBLE BUFFY: That's what I'd like to know.

WILLOW: Buffy, he's trying to kill you! (Warren decks her)

INVISIBLE BUFFY: Willow! (throws air-hocky mallet at Warren)

INVISIBLE WARREN: Ow!

INVISIBLE BUFFY: Okay, play time's over.

INVISIBLE WARREN: You haven't won yet, Slayer.

INVISIBLE BUFFY: No, that part comes after I beat the snot out of you.

INVISIBLE WARREN: You'll have to find me first! There's three of us, against just one of you.

INVISIBLE JONATHAN: Hey, you lied to us!

INVISIBLE ANDREW: Fight her yourself!

INVISIBLE WARREN: (angrily) Think she cares about that? I go down, we all go down!

INVISIBLE BUFFY: And I promise, you're all going down.

INVISIBLE WARREN: We may not have your powers, Slayer, but you'll find that we are not so easy to- (another air-hockey mallet hits him) Ow! Get her!

INVISIBLE JONATHAN: Wait a minute, wait a minute! Who's biting my leg?

INVISIBLE ANDREW: Sorry! Where is she?

INVISIBLE BUFFY: Here.

INVISIBLE WARREN: She can't find us if we split up.

INVISIBLE WARREN: You go that way.

INVISIBLE JONATHAN: Which way?

INVISIBLE WARREN: That way! Over-

INVISIBLE BUFFY: Just keep talking, boys.

INVISIBLE JONATHAN: Ow! Watch the chest hair!

INVISIBLE BUFFY: I know that voice. You-you're-

(Willow zaps Buffy & Jonathan with the ray)

BUFFY: Jonathan?! You have chest hair?

(Willow zaps Warren)

BUFFY: Warren?

(Willow zaps Andrew)

BUFFY: Who are you?

ANDREW: Andrew. I summoned the flying monkeys that attacked the high school? During the school play, you know?

WARREN: It's Tucker's brother.

JONATHAN: Yeah, it's Tucker's brother.

BUFFY/WILLOW: Ohh.

BUFFY: So you three have, what, banded together to be pains in my ass?

WARREN: We're your arch-nemesises ... ses. You may have beaten us this time, Slayer, but next time ... um ... uh, next time...

JONATHAN: Maybe not! (throws a smoke bomb)

WARREN: What do you mean, it's locked? You were supposed to check it!

ANDREW: I forgot!

BUFFY: I give you my arch nemesises...ses.

GUARD: What's going on in here? I got a bunch of scared kids saying this place is haunted!

(Trio escapes)

WILLOW: Oh my god, Buffy!

BUFFY: (pouting) I know, they're gone. I guess we should chase them.

WILLOW: No, your hair! (smiles) It *is* adorable.

• Buffy vs the Legion of Dorkness (Trio)

written by: David Fury; transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com). edited down by me. . Full transcript at:
http://www.buffy-vs-angel.com/buffy_tran_111.shtml