(Giles' citroen. Spike's driving, Giles shotgun)

GILES: If you can't find third gear, don't try for third gear!

SPIKE: I'm doing my best. I don't know if I'm driving this thing or wearing it.

GILES: It's perfectly serviceable.

SPIKE: (laughs) Funny hearing a Fyarl demon say "serviceable." Had a couple of them working for me once. They're more like "Like to crush. Crush now?" Strong though. You won't meet a jar you can't open for the rest of your life.

(Giles's growls.)

SPIKE: What was that? Did you growl?

GILES: No. Listen, about this Fyarl demon. Do-do I have special powers? Like setting things on fire with my sizzling eye beams?

SPIKE: Well, you got the mucous thing.

GILES: What? Mucous?

SPIKE: Paralyzing mucous. Shoots out through the nose. Sets on fast. Hard as a rock. Pretty good in a fight.

GILES: Are you making this up?

SPIKE: (sly grin) Maybe. But hey, you feel a sneeze coming on, you warn me.

GILES: (growls) Turn here. Down shift! Down shift!

SPIKE: Calm down, will you?

GILES: I'm not sure I can. I feel like I'm changing.

SPIKE: (sighs) Fine with me. So long as you pay me.

GILES: (growling quality) I really like this feeling. Sort of mindless need to destroy. This anger and rage.

SPIKE: Good times. Go with it.

GILES: (almost normal voice again) No.

SPIKE: Oh, it's fun. I can't do it, do it for me. Now let yourself go.

GILES: I refuse to become a monster because I look like a monster. I have a soul. I have a conscience. I am a human being. Oh, stop the car!

(The Citroen pulls to a stop at the corner of Main Street and we see that Professor Walsh has just crossed the street. Giles hops out of the car, without his blanket, and creeps up behind her. When he's close enough he roars and waves his claws in the air. Walsh screams & runs. Giles climbs back in the car.)

GILES: Right. Let's go, then.

• Funnies
• philosphies on monsters, animals, killers, etc

written by: Jane Espenson; Transcribed by Joseph B. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/68anewman.html