(Lilah pricks her finger with a needle. Lets the blood drip into a little jar, then dips a pen in it and signs her name on a line labeled 'witness' at the bottom of a paper.)

CYRIL: (entering with mail cart) Good morning, Miss Morgan.

LILAH: Morning. Would you take this to Pinderhook down in demon resources for me?

CYRIL: Sure. - Uh... - Miss Morgan, I hate to bother you. But I've been admiring you for quite a while and I was wondering...

LILAH: Don't flatter yourself, Cyril. I don't date guys from the mail room.

CYRIL: Me neither! - (Holds out a CD case) I just thought you should know about this.

(Lilah takes it and pops it into her computer. Cyril starts to head for the door as a surveillance video of Angel and Lilah making out on Wes' desk comes up on her screen.)

LILAH: Wait. You little weasel! If you think you can blackmail your way onto me on *my* desk...

CYRIL: No! That's not it! You got it all wrong. I respect you way too much to be attracted to you. It's - it's just - down in the mailroom, I see a lot. You know? Different factions in the firm. There comes a time when a guy has to choose a side.

LILAH: And is that disk your way of telling me you're choosing *my* side? (Cyril smiles and gives her a nod) And who are we allied against, you and I? Who is this common foe?

CYRIL: I'd rather not...

LILAH: If you don't tell me right now, I'm gonna have your skin peeled off and stapled back on inside out.

CYRIL: Mr. Park.

LILAH: Gavin.

CYRIL: Remember those exterminators he sent to Angel's hotel? They don't kill bugs. They plant them.

LILAH: Hm.

(surveillance footage from the Hyperion)

ANGEL: Good. That's it. Where is your weight? Balls of your feet? Don’t forget to...

CORDELIA: Oops. Oh, god, you said that...

GAVIN: Keee-yi-ha ow. Someone doing an incantation?

TRANSCRIBER: No. Angel started training female one in martial arts. I think she got in a lucky punch.

GAVIN: Any tech problem?

TRANSCRIBER: Just a couple glitches. Don't sweat it though. I've been staying late. That is the transcription of everything up to last week.

LILAH: (entering) How about that? I just asked myself, if I were a cockroach, where would I hide? And voila! - there you are! (Holds up the disk) Did you really think you could blackmail me with this?

GAVIN: Blackmail? (Laughs) No one cares. From what I've hear, bumping uglies with an old man that body-jumped into a vampire is the closest thing you've had to a meaningful relationship in years. This is about something else. - Thank you, Cyril.

CYRIL: You're welcome - sir.

LILAH: What was all that crap about choosing sides?

GAVIN: He did. He's on mine.

LILAH: Is this your convoluted pathetic way of asking for my help? Because you sure need it. You're understaffed, underfunded, and clearly undertalented. So, what have we learned here?

GAVIN: We? There is no we. I just decided it was time you understood the full scope of what I've been doing these past few months.

LILAH: Who is this 'unidentified, pregnant female'?

TRANSCRIBER: I - I don't know. We lost audio for a couple of days last week. I can pull the tape.

LILAH: See? Need me.

(The transcriber pops a tape in a VCR. On the screen Darla walks into the lobby.)

LILAH: Darla?

GAVIN: Darla? That's impossible. Vampires can't give birth!

LILAH: Tell me about it. (To cell phone) Linwood? It's Lilah. You're not gonna believe what I'm looking at.

• Funnies
• Lilah & Gavin
• Wolfram & Hart

written by: Jeffrey Bell; Original transcript anonymous. Edited and formatted for this site by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season3/transcripts/52_tran.shtml